Original subtitles

[ Clanking ]

[ Clanking continues ]

[ Popstar Nima's "Joshua Tree" plays ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ His Joshua tree, his Joshua tree ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ I think he noticed me

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ His Joshua tree, his Joshua tree ♪

♪♪

[ Cellphones ringing, people talking ]

[ Distorted ringing ]

[ Echoing banging ]

[ Distorted speech ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Coughs ] Oh.

[ Chains clinking ]

[ Clattering ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Groans ]

♪♪

Jesus.

[ Chains rattling ]

♪♪

Jesus Christ.

♪♪

♪♪

What the?

[ Groans ]

♪♪

♪♪

What? Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

Fuck.

Shit.

[ Grunts ]

[ Strains ]

[ Chains clanking ]

[ Straining ]

♪♪

Oh.

♪♪

Oh. [ Panting ]

[ Line ringing ]

[ Line picks up ]

Woman: Hey, babe. What's taking so long?

What's going on? Where are you?

Are you -- Are you safe?

♪♪

Hmm, yes, I'm safe. I'm at home.

Where are you?

I'm at home. I'm... just --

just come up to the bedroom and let me out.

I don't know what the fuck is happening.

Wait. What? Wait. You're...

when did you get home?

I -- I have no idea.

You're in the bedroom? Just come...

can you just come downstairs, please?

I -- I -- I can't. I'm --

I'm locked up.

The door is locked? No!

No, I'm literally chained up.

I'm -- I'm locked up with chains.

Just -- Just come up and let me out.

Please. Please.

Okay. I'm coming.

Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

♪♪

So...

where are you?

I'm in the bedroom.

I'm in the bedroom.

No, you're not.

What are you doing right now?

Honestly you had me scared for a second.

Look, is this because the store didn't have any toilet paper?

Because you know you can just tell me.

I swear everything I'm telling you is true!

I -- I -- Stop playing games.

I was out for toilet paper. Exhausting.

I got the toilet paper.

You sound like a crazy person.

And now I'm...

I'm chained to the bed!

I -- I think it's our bedroom.

It looks like our bedroom. I guess I don't know.

I'm fucked. I'm fucked right now.

I'm -- I'm in trouble.

♪♪

So you're not playing games?

No! I need help.

♪♪

Okay. Um... Well...

Did you call the police?

No! No. I-I -- I called you first.

I was worried.

[ Muffled man's voice speaking ]

Holy shit. Someone's coming.

Oh, shit. Babe?

Wait what's happening? Babe, what's happening?

Um...Babe... I-I -- I love you.

♪♪

Zookeeper, please put on your protective gear.

Listen. I have money. I can --

Put on your protective gear.

[ Chains rattling ]

♪♪

Come on, Zookeeper, put it on.

♪♪

Like I said. I...

I have money. I ca-- I can pay!

Okay! Uhh...

I-I don't know what's going on.

There's a virus, Zookeeper.

What? That's what's going on.

There's a virus. Yeah.

Yeah, I know that.

Why do you keep calling me Zookeeper?

Swab?

What?

[ Slower ] Swab.

♪♪

[ Straining ]

[ Chains rattling ]

Okay! Okay. Look.

I know you don't think you have it,

but we need to be sure.

Incubation periods,

asymptomatic carriers,

liars?

I guess I can just take it anally.

♪♪

There we go.

♪♪

What are you doing with me?

I'm keeping you safe.

For now.

You're at home.

There's a safer at home order.

This isn't my home.

My blanket is red, not purple.

♪♪

Now you listen to me.

You...here... in your pajamas,

abducting me,

trying to intimidate me.

You tell me what's happening right this second

and let me go! Let me out of these chains,

you coward! You gutless, spineless --

[ Both yelling ]

Welcome to my personal hell, Zookeeper!

How about this, fucker?

Huh, how about this?

Tell me your crimes!

Confess your crimes!What crimes?

I didn't do anything!Confess, Zookeeper!

Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!

Why do you keep calling me Zookeeper?

I'm not a zookeeper!

You have the wrong person.

I swear you have the wrong person.

♪♪

You're not a zookeeper?

♪♪

Well, I mean, I wasa zookeeper.

Ahh! But that was back

when I lived in Cincinnati!

I'm not the guy you're looking for!

Oh, we shall see, Zookeeper.

We shall see. Yeah.

But see right now, you're in my playground.

And you'll see that your time here is much more pleasant

if you just follow the rules.

And they're very reasonable rules.

I'm a good guy.

All I want from you is a confession.

You confess.

I'm the Zookeeper.

What are you?

♪♪

I'm an economist.

Okay.

Fine. You know, I'll just...

have to get the confession from you later.

But do not -- do not betray my trust,

Zookeeper. I promise.

I will not betray your trust.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. But...

but can that go two ways?

What do you mean?

I need a sign of good faith.

A sign of good faith? [ Chuckles ]

You want a sign of good faith? Okay.

Okay, I'll give you a sign of good faith.

I'll give you a fucking sign of good faith!

[ Both yelling ]

[ Laughs ] [ Shouts ]

[ Forced laughter ]

A -- A real sign of good faith.

[ Chuckles ]

A banana...

is a real sign of good faith.

[ Stammers ]

Can't you loosen these chains?

You know, Let me sit down somewhere a little more comf--

or -- or lie down?

Well I-I guess you did give me the swab sample

and I did not have to take anally.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Okay.

Come downstairs when you're ready to confess.

Wait. Wait!

Aren't -- Aren't you gonna --

Aren't you gonna loosen the chains?

They're off.

♪♪

♪♪

Okay. 9-1-1.

[ Disconnect tone ]

Operator: We're sorry.

You have reached a number that has been disconnected

or is no longer in --

[ Beeping ]

[ Disconnect tone ] Operator: We're sorry.

You have reached a number that has been disconnected

or is no longer in service.

♪♪

♪♪

Ahh.

♪♪

[ Whispering ] Jesus Christ.

♪♪

What the fuck.

♪♪

[ Bass booming in distance ]

[ Faint singing in distance ]

♪♪

[ Muffled music continues ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Bass thumping stops ]

[ Faint singing in distance continues ]

♪♪

[ Bass thumping restarts ]

[ Muffled ] ♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ His Joshua tree, his Joshua tree♪

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ I think he noticed me

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ His Joshua tree, his Joshua tree♪

[ Music stops ]

Economist: [ In distance ] I fucking love that song!

[ Shouts ]

♪♪

Ahh! Confession time?

Oh. Lunch is keeping warm

in the oven if you want some.

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, come here. Take a look at this meme.

I've been developing it for some time now

and I really think it's gonna change

the course of the war-- Hey!

We are still testing your sample.

Is that a children's chemistry set?

Just...

take a look at -- take -- look -- look at this meme.

Okay?

♪♪

Now. [ Sniffles ]

What I've discovered is that you can take any quote

and it becomes ten times funnier

if you say that it was spoken the day before 9/11.

[ Laughs ]

[ Gibbers, laughs ]

[ Snorts ]

[ Laughs ]

9/11 jokes aren't funny.

That's serious stuff.

Says the guy hugging toilet paper like it's his teddy bear.

I need this.

I need this a lot more than you need

to be making memes right now.

It's my job.

I'm a professional.

I thought you said you were an economist.

I'm a meme economist.

That's not a thing.

Then what the fuck am I doing right now?!

Fuck.

Alright just...

come here and just take a look at this meme, huh?

I used to work for the Ministry of Propaganda

before I got fired by the Overlords.

Propaganda?

Memes are just propaganda. You know?

Information or misinformation,

or a diversion, you know, hidden in a joke or a picture.

Whatever.

But I think this is my best meme yet.

Once this hits the masses?

[ Sighs ] Imagine all those people on the Internet.

All finding quotes.

Helping the war effort?

It's absolutely beautiful.

♪♪

Are you making those memes in Microsoft Paint?

You know, you're being rather judgmental, Zookeeper.

Sure you don't have anything you wanna confess now?

I confess that memes are stupid.

[ Laughs ]

Memes are civilization's foremost method

of communication.

He who disregards the memes

disregards life itself.

Are you fucking kidding?

[ Slams ] You know what?

I think you should make a meme.

No. Yeah!

Come on. What do you say?

Tell me what your favorite quote is and we'll pretend

that it inspired 9/11. Huh?

I'm not doing this.Come on, make a meme.

No, this is ridiculous.

Come on make a meme!

What are you saying? You know.

Look. Hey. You say you want answers?

You know, you wanna know what you're doing here?

Do me a favor. Make a meme.

Make a meme, make a meme, make a meme, meme, meme.

Make a meme, make a meme, make a meme, meme, meme.

Make a meme-I swore an oath, okay?

I have a bad history with them and I swore

I would never make memes.

Ever.

Well...

that is a silly thing...

to make an oath for.

♪♪

Well I did.

Are you sure... there isn't something

that you wanna confess?

♪♪

Okay.

Come on.

Let's, uh...

Let's look outside.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Tapping ]

♪♪

Look outside. What do you see?

People? No. Why? Because everyone's at home.

No one's going anywhere and no one's doing anything.

Couples should be walking by, holding hands,

and then waving to us as if to say,

"Hey, everything's okay," but everything's not okay.

Everything's fucked.

Murder hornets. Carole Baskin.

When did everything start getting fucked, huh?

Doesn't that seem strange to you?

Everything being fucked up all the time?

The world's gonna end. The world's gonna end.

You realize that, right?

Everything? Destroyed?

And it's all happening for a reason.

Hey. Hey!

Are you listening to me?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm listening.

I just... I don't see what...

memes have to do with the end of the world.

Go. Move! No!

[ Grunts ]

♪♪

[ Slam ]

♪♪

I don't think you fucking understand.

This is it. It's fucking over.

Everything you know and love is gonna fucking die!

And this battlefield?

It's not a real battlefield some place

with, like, grass and water and sand and shit.

The battlefield is here.

♪♪

We are in the midst of the great meme war.

Memes from all around the world.

All around the galaxy... the universe...

from every culture and era,

all clashing right now in one final battle for mankind.

♪♪

Let me try and take you through it, okay?

You don't give a shit about the Internet.

That's fucking fine.

I don't care. Go fuck yourself, alright?

But you know who thinks it's the greatest shit ever?

Yeah? India. Pakistan.

The Planet of Galgalon Prime.

Any fucking shitty third world country

that just got an Internet connection, alright?

And they're being ushered into the world of memes, alright?

Without any context of how to understand it.

We live in the era of the post-ironic meme.

Alright?

First there was the classic era, then there was the ironic era,

and now there's the post-ironic era.

Okay? Where memes don't make any fucking sense.

Okay. You know. It doesn't matter

if they're funny or reverent.

It doesn't fucking matter. Okay?

As long as it exists it's a fucking meme.

But those third world fuckers? Who are, like,

logging onto the Internet for the first fucking time?

Those fucks? Yeah!

See, our post-ironic era is their classic era.

You know? And they have no context to understand

where the memes first developed from.

So they're just fucking making memes.

Just going along. Copying whatever they see.

And they're not making any fucking sense.

And here the weird thing, alright?

Because memes never made any fucking sense

in the first fucking place!

So how to you tell the good memes

from the shitty third world memes?

You fucking can't!

You can't tell the difference.

No one can! Alright? No one knows what's happening

or which fucking side they're on.

Do you have any idea how many fucking people live in India?

You have any idea? 1.3 billion fucking people!

1.3 billion. If each one of them makes 10 memes every day

for an entire year, you end up with

4.75 trillion fucking memes!

Trillion with a fucking T!

How the fuck do you compete with that?

How do you fucking compete? You can't!

You can't compete with fucking India! Fuck!

Those little fucking Bangladesh little fucking bitches!

Those fucking bitches!

God damn it!

[ Wails ]

You won't confess for your crimes.

[ Distorted ] You won't make a fucking meme with me?

If you got drafted into the great meme war

you would have to make 42.2 memes every fucking day

just for us to maintain production with fucking India.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Fuck India.

♪♪

Fuck you!

Fuck you and fucking India!

♪♪

[ Whimpers ]

[ Sobbing ]

♪♪

Okay.

If I make a meme...

will you promise to tell me what the fuck you're talking about?

You'll explain everything?

[ Whimpers ]

[ Sighs ]

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi.

♪♪

September 10th, 2001.

♪♪

[ Slowly begins to laugh ]

♪♪

Okay.

Why am I in a place that looks like my house?

But I know it's not.

And why is time and reality bending in front of my eyes?

Wrong question.

And what would the right question be?

Well.

You said you wanted to get to the bottom of everything, right?

You wanna understand everything?

Why don't you let me ask you some questions, huh?

Where did it all start?

All what?

What do you mean, all what?

Oh. A wet market in Wuhan.

No.

I guess, well, you know, nobody can be certain.

What do you think?

A bio-lab in Wuhan?

No.

You think this was the Chinese government or something?

That they released this on purpose?

Nope. American government?

Come on, Zookeeper. Alright?

You're thinking too short-sighted, you know?

I need you to think bigger. You know?

Where do you think it all began?

Come on. All of it.

♪♪

It was a -- a wet market in Wuhan.

Unsanitary conditions.

You know, bats and dogs and pangolins

all shitting on each other and --

and getting cooked in the street.

No! No! Before that, Zookeeper!

Before that! Look. Okay.

Okay, look. Here's the thing.

I need you to think about the thing that happened

that everybody was talking about. Okay?

The crisis that took the world by storm.

Before the virus.

♪♪

Um... I don't know.

Australian wildfires?

Ahhh.

[ Laughs ] See, you do remember.

The wildfires didn't cause coronavirus.

I didn't say that they caused it.

No. But...

before the wildfires. Right? What happened before that?

I... I don't remember.

Yeah, you do. Come on.

What was the thing? What was the crisis?

Uhhh...

Oh! Uh, World War III.

We were gonna go to war with Iran.

Yeah! See. That's it. Keep going. Think bigger.

Ukraine? Impeachment?Keep going.

You're saying these things are connected?

Come on! Keep going. Keep going.

Before that? [ Blows raspberry ]

Cats. Yes.

The Hong Kong protests.

School shootings. Yeah.

Jeffrey Epstein killed himself.

No, he didn't.

Right. Of course.

Alright, keep going. Before that.

[ Hisses ]

[ Sighs ]

Trump's election?

I mean, sure. That was part of it. Yeah.

Before that, uh... I don't know.

I mean, things got pretty weird sometimes.

But ever since then, that's when the crazy shit

really started picking up.

♪♪

You're saying that's where this started?

You're not making sense.

You said you would make sense.

It's all Trump's fault?

♪♪

There was one more thing before Trump.

You really think memes have no relevance?

Think that a meme economist can't have any insight?

♪♪

It was the most important meme of them all.

The meme that ushered the world into the post-ironic era --

the era that doesn't make any sense.

Stop it with all this meme bullshit, okay?

It was the flashpoint.

Shut up. The genesis.

Shut up.

You caused it all, Zookeeper.

Shut the fuck up.

You killed him, didn't you?

I didn't do anything wrong.

It was you.

Let me go. To my real house.

Not wherever I am now.Confess.

I'm a good person, okay? I did the right thing!

Confess! Confess! Confess!

This is bullshit.Confess! Confess!

Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!

Confess! Confess!

Okay! O-fucking-kay.

I shot Harambe!

I shot him in the fucking head!

I'm the guy!

[ Screams ]

What the fuck are you talking about?

I started everything?

Trump? The coronavirus? The shootings? Fuck you!

It's the truth!

I saved a boy's life.

I saved a 3-year-old boy's life.

You should have let him die.

You're an idiot.

You're a stupid fucking asshole idiot!

And I'm leaving.

Lockdown, fuck face.

There's a safer at home order.

That doesn't mean I can't leave!

You can't kidnap somebody just because

there's a safer at home order!

Have you forgotten who has the gun, here?

Fuck you! And fuck your gun.

I'd rather be shot in the back of the head

like that piece of shit Harambe

than stay here another god damn second.

[ Grunts ][ Shouts ] Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck you, murderer!

Murderer? I'm a hero!

That's kid's alive because of me.

♪♪

Who are you? Really? Really?

I'm a monkey who was fired by the monkey Overlords

from the Ministry of Propaganda and I want revenge.

♪♪

No. No. You?

You're just a crazy Internet troll

who decided to hunt me down.

Well here's what you should do.

Just accept that I did the right thing.

I did something more significant and meaningful

than you'll ever do.

♪♪

Okay. Sure.

So, I guess that means that you're innocent and free to go.

Right?

So fuck off.

Get the fuck out of here.

Don't forget the toilet paper.

It's super important, isn't it?

Shut up.

♪♪

Hi.

♪♪

God damn it!

♪♪

No, no.

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

No! Please!

Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you?

[ Screams ]

[ Sobs ]

♪♪

[ Sobbing ]

You thought you were just, like, free to go?

The chains came off and you could just leave?

♪♪

In this house,

you can go wherever you wanna go,

you can do whatever you wanna do.

But you can't leave.

Not till I'm finished with you.

See, this is my playground.

♪♪

And I have a rendezvous with the Overlords.

And I need to tell them that...

that we need to make a deal.

Because I have the Zookeeper.

♪♪

[ Whimpers ]

♪♪

Hey Overlords.

It's me. Ya boy.

Remember me? The guy you threw into prison?

Have I got a surprise for you -- Oh, fuck, that's stupid.

Shit.

[ Sighs ]

Just do it, just do it. [ Blows air ]

Yeah, they're gonna be happy to hear from you.

[ Disconnect tone ]

Operator: We're sorry.

You have reached a number that has been disconnected

or is no longer in service.

What the fuck?

Zookeeper: So he has no idea I'm able to call you.

Wife: But you can't call the police?

No. No. I tried, but it --

my phone just acts like it's disconnected or something.

Yeah. Wait. Yeah. Because I've been trying

to call you for hours and it says that the number

isn't even in service.

So I can call you, but nothing else.

Look, I've been talking to the police

and they're searching. Okay? So don't worry.

Thanks, babe. [ Sighs ]

I love you so much.

I love you, too.

There is something else that the police told me but...

♪♪

[ Sighs ] I don't know if you want to hear it.

Hey. Hey. You know --

you know you can be honest with me.

I know. I know.This is important.

We can't hide things right now.

♪♪

There are others missing.

Others? Others like who?

Like a bunch of people who worked at the Cincinnati Zoo.

Like ten of them.

They all went missing over the last few months and I...

I don't know. I guess that maybe we were so distracted

with the virus and stuff that we missed it?

Plus -- Plus the toilet paper.

We are all out. Okay?

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

So what happened?

I finished it all. I'm sorry.

What? The toilet paper.

I finished it. No, no, no.

My old co-workers. What happened to them?

Oh! Yeah. Nobody knows. They're gone.

The police think that this guy's hunting people

who worked there, but they don't know why.

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

I know why.

[ Sighs ]

And he was only hunting one.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Okay, okay.

Umm. Okay. I promise the police

are looking for the house, okay?

And look, they said that if it's an exact replica,

then that should be easy to find. Shit!

I don't know why they haven't found it yet.

I can't believe this. Okay, you just went out

for a regular trip to the grocery store.

Now this? Oh, my god!

You should be here with me right now.

You should be here with me with the --

With the toilet paper. Yeah. Yeah. I know.

[ Sighs ]

Babe.

I'm bringing home this toilet paper to you.

I'm not dropping the ball this time.

Wait.This time? What does that mean?

No, no, no. I -- I -- I mean...

I'm bringing home the toilet paper to you.

Because it's important.

And this asshole isn't stopping me.

♪♪

I'm taking action.

You know I can take action, right?

He's such an idiot.

Letting me walk around like this.

[ Sighs ]

I love you, babe.

I love you so much.

More than you can ever know.

♪♪

I love you too, babe.

[ Water running ]

[ Sighs ]

You can do this.

[ Exhales deeply ]

[ Water stops ]

God damn it!

♪♪

Economist: Come on, you piece of shit phone.

Why don't you call?

Why don't you?

Fucking.

God damn it.

Fuck you.

Hey.

I want to apologize.

I was, um...

wrong to judge you.

And make fun of your memes.

I'm just a little confused right now

and under a lot of pressure if you can't tell.

[ Clears throat ]

I was upset when you threw those accusations at me and...

I hope you'll understand it's...

it's not easy to accept fault sometimes.

Well, it's important.

Your test came back negative.

Come here. Take a look at this meme.

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

"Beware the Jabberwock," Lewis Carroll. [ Laughs ]

The day before 9/11.

♪♪

You don't like Lewis Carroll?

♪♪

Okay!

Okay.

Whatever you're doing, Stop.

Just let me go. Let me out of here.

Hey. I'll shoot you!

It wouldn't be the first time, remember?

[ Whoosh ][ Gasps ]

♪♪

Economist: You never learn, Zookeeper.

I give you freedom because you have no power here.

What's going on?

How is any of this possible?

You want another explanation?

We already went down that rabbit hole

and you walked out on me.

This is impossible!

No. Eating your own ass is impossible.

[ Whimpers ] How do you do that?

You're in a computer simulation, dumbass.

That's not true!

Your gun is a banana now.

[ Screams ]

♪♪

Let me out. I don't --

I don't want to be in here anymore.

Tough shit. I don't want to be here either.

[ Grunts ]

♪♪

Then let's leave!

Just go back home.

Back to my wife. Back to reality.

That's a simulation too!

There is no Earth anymore.

Earth is gone.

H-How? Why?

Data collection.Of what?

like their own would react to a series

of catastrophic scenarios.

Intelligent species?

Viruses. Terrorist attacks. Natural disasters.

And guess what? It's almost over!

They have their information.

They tested every scenario!

Wildfires. Coronavirus. Meme war.

Boom! Done!

So it's ending? Then -- then things go back to normal?

No! Don't you understand?

They don't need you anymore!

They're ending the simulation!

Reformatting the hard drive.

It's over.

[ Sobbing ]

[ Hyperventilating ]

I, Donald John Trump --

grab 'em by the pussy --

do solemnly swear.

[ Panting ]

Basket of deplorables. Racist. Sexist.

I love kids jumping on my lap.

♪♪

[ Gunfire ]

[ Sobbing ] Why did they choose us?

Why did they choose us?

♪♪

Because I shot a gorilla?

♪♪

Not any gorilla.

The royal gorilla.

First in line for the throne.

What the fuck!

♪♪

Our prince was only on earth as part of a foreign

exchange program,

learning your culture.

He was a Simian of culture! Shot dead!

An undisputed declaration of war!

So the Overlords took your planet, destroyed it,

and re-uploaded it onto a computer server,

along with everyone's digital consciousness.

You never even knew it happened.

They decided to use your planet as a testing ground --

introduce stimuli,

study it, take notes, like rats in a maze.

And you know what happens to rats in a maze, don't you?

They're disposed of once they're no longer useful.

Wait. You're an alien anda monkey?

Duh! My skin right now?

This is just a virtual avatar.

You think I wanna look like this?

Look like you?

You don't look like me.

What? Of course I do.

All you people look the same.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ?

So you enslave us but pray to our gods?

Jesus Christ was a bonobo ape, you dope,

and you killed him too! Now, listen to me!

I was the leading meme economist at the Ministry of Propaganda,

but I couldn't contain the spread of Harambe memes.

No one could have done it.

It was an impossible task.

The royal family experienced

not just the heartbreaking loss of their prince,

but complete humiliation on the interstellar Internet too.

So I was punished. They sent me here,

to a virtual and isolated prison.

A prison for my mind,

built on the very computer server now housing humanity.

And honestly? I don't blame them.

I blame you.

Years I've waited. Going mad.

Nothing to do and no one to talk to.

And knowing that the eventual end of the simulation

would mean my end as well.

So with time, I found a way

to hack into the coding of my virtual prison.

I learned to bend its reality to my will.

I started by spawning food, a bed, material comforts.

And with time, my power over this domain grew.

On rare occasions, I learned to cross over,

and for brief moments,

I could pass into the larger human simulation.

And I had only one mission --

to find you, Zookeeper.

The man who uprooted my life and cost me everything.

The man who sent me here to my own personal hell!

And when I present your digital consciousness to the Overlords?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I will earn back my freedom!

♪♪

♪♪

So I've been kidnapped by an alien monkey economist.

Yeah.

On the verge of the apocalypse.

Mm-hmm.

Where my wife, my friends, and my family are gonna die?

Yeah. But not me.

And not you yet either, because I'm using you

as leverage against the Overlords.

In 2016, the Overlords tried to find you,

but the Cincinnati Zoo did such a good job of hiding you

that they couldn't find you and they had to give up.

[ Laughs ]Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You said I'm not gonna die...yet?

Well, I can't imagine

that the Overlords are gonna be kind to you

when they get their hands on you, Zookeeper.

No, no, no. You can't just hand me over to them.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I totally can.

You ruined my life.

I won't go. I won't let you touch me.

Yeah, see, I think you forgot something.

I can, like, make a baseball bat, like, spawn out of nowhere

into my hands and just beat the living shit out of you,

so I think you'll go wherever I tell you to go.

Fuck!

Can't you just... look into your heart?

Please? Find some forgiveness?

Forgiveness?

Forgiveness.

You know how you mentioned Jesus Christ before?

Well, as far as I'm concerned,

I am awaiting the return of the one and only savior

Harambe himself.

And after he returns and tells us

what the meaning of life is, then and only then,

would I consider putting our differences aside.

But if I were you, I would not keep my fingers crossed,

because I don't think he's gonna be lowering from the heavens

anytime soon to absolve us of our sins.

So, please, you'll have to excuse me if I don't roll over

and die in this virtual prison just because

you're throwing yourself some sort of pity party.

I don't understand.

Don't you control the simulation?

Can't you stop it from ending?

Okay. No. We are not in the simulation.

We are adjacent to the simulation,

on the same hard drive, in the prison that I hacked.

Look.

Stop trying to negotiate with me.

Zookeeper, you are fucked.

I am meeting with the Overlords

and I am going to make the exchange,

and there is nothing that you can do about it.

♪♪

You say this is my fault?

I do. You know what I think?

I don't.

I think this is your fault.[ Laughs ]

My fault? You think this is my -- okay. Okay.

Yeah. You and the stupid Overlords!

One gorilla dies and you genocide an entire planet?

We needed the data! Alright?

Like, we were gonna go to another planet,

but you fucked up.

No, you fucked up.

Aren't you the guy who's supposed to control

the floodgate of memes?

Mister fucking meme economist? Huh?

And you're so proud of the prison

that you've seized control over.

Well, tell me this.

How come you weren't afraid of the gun

but you were afraid of the virus?

What's up with that?

It's a computer virus.

♪♪

Well, your world in here still sucks.

It's state of the art, bitch.

[ Blows raspberry ] Bugging out.

Bumping into doors and shit wherever I go?

Fuck you! Alright? It does its job.

It keeps you isolated.

Oh, does it, now?

Yeah. It does.

Then how come I was able to call my wife?

Huh?

♪♪

You can't call your wife.

I know you have that phone.

But you can't use the phone. The phone doesn't work here.

Go ahead! Call your wife. The phone does not work!

Motherfucker, I called her twice!

♪♪

What?

[ Laughs ] Yeah! And she's got the police

looking for me and everything,

and I know they're not gonna find me,

but still. You had no idea.

That...that's not possible.

Oh, yeah? Well maybe I should

just call her right now, huh?

♪♪

I said maybe I should call her right now?

The -- the firewall's malfunctioning.

All the inputs and outputs are crossing.

The whole code is going haywire!

Wait, what does that mean?

It means some fucked up shit is happening right now?

Like what?

Oh.

Like that. Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no shit!

What's going on? I think...

I think the Overlords are reformatting

the hard drive, like, right now.

They're destroying the whole simulation now?

Overlords! I have the Zookeeper!

Can you, like, take us out of here?

You know?

Before it all ends, please?

So they're not coming for us?

Overlords! I have the Zookeeper!

Overlords!

Wait. So you never talked to them,

did you? Shut up.

You couldn't call 'cause your phone didn't work!

Shut the fuck up!

So you're just gonna die like the rest of us!

Fuck you! Just shut up!

That's what you get!

Using a hero like me as leverage to go free!

While I get tortured and killed by monkeys!

Okay. I ran a diagnostic test.

This is how much time we have until the world ends.

[ Glitching, computer beeping ]

Now, I need you to call your wife.

What? Why?

The whole simulation is breaking down

and disintegrating until there's nothing.

Okay? You understand that? That's why you can call

your wife even though I programmed it

so you could not do that. Alright?

It's because of the breakdown in the code

that every connection is falling apart and going haywire.

Now, clearly, some connections are working and some are not.

That is why I need you to call your wife

so that I can hack into the program

and fill in all the stupid little fucking holes.

You want to take the call to my wife

and re-route it to the Overlords?

Yes. That's right.

That's exactly what I want you to do.

And I want you to do that before this gets to zero

and everything goes poof.

♪♪

Why in the hell would I do that?

Why shouldn't I let you die here with the rest of us?

Call your wife. No.

Call your wife, Zookeeper!

No!We are running out of time!

Alright? We need to re-route the connection!

God damn it!

♪♪

Don't you wanna say goodbye to her?

♪♪

Okay. Good.

But. What?

I want something from you first.

Before I make the call.

I want you to admit to me, right here, right now,

that everything that's happened --

the extinction of homo sapiens,

the apocalypse,

it's all your fault!

Not mine.

♪♪

Fine. Okay, fucking fine!

I've got her on speed dial. I mean, of course I do.

She's my wife.

♪♪

Wife: I'm so scared, baby. I don't know what's going on.

Things are vanishing around the house

without me touching them.

I keep appearing in random hallways.

I told you. That's the hard drive

getting reformatted. What does that mean?

I don't understand and I'm scared!

It -- It means... [ Sighs ]

it means you should try to call your mom and dad.

Say goodbye.

Babe? Baby, I love you

so much. You have no idea.

I wish I could see your face one more time.

Just to kiss you and love you again.

Babe?

Babe?

You... you wanna what?

Really? Why?

Um...

She -- She -- She wants to talk to you.

Wife: So you're that kidnapper...

economist guy?

Yeah. That's me. Hi.

Can you -- Can you just clarify things?

Because I don't understand.

Babe! I already explained everything to you

exactly how he explained it to me.

No I -- I want to hear it from him.

Babe -- No. I've got this.

I've got this. Alright? Uh...

simulation, catastrophic scenarios,

data collection, destruction, done.

[ Static ]

And I'm gonna die?

Yeah.

Everyone's gonna die?

Yeah.

Why?

How could you do this to us?

Babe, that's exactly what I've been asking.

They're just a bunch of incompetent, butt-hurt monkeys!

What? No!

You're the bloodthirsty Zookeeper.

No way! Babe, tell him!

Tell him who's fault this really is!

♪♪

Babe?

Well... I -- I mean you --

You shot the gorilla.

What? You're actually taking his side?

[ Laughs ] The right side.

I'm just saying I don't know.

You should be taking my side!

I don't know!

It might be his fault, sure!

But maybe it's yours!

I mean, have you even considered that?

The world is ending and there are other people in it

other than you.

Are we really doing this right now? Really?

I'm not doing anything.

Of course you are! Um...

Oh, I am, am I? Oh, yeah?

Well, tell me, babe.

Where is my god damn toilet paper? Hmm?

Too much of a hassle for you?

You just had to go and get kidnapped

while you were out getting my fucking toilet paper!

♪♪

I hate you! I fucking hate you so much!

I hate you too, you fucking miserable asshole!

You have never brought anything positive into my life!

Oh! [ Laughs ] That's all I do!

I try to bring positivity into your life.

By -- By eating away at my fucking soul?

I hate you. I hate you!

I fucking hate your fucking stupid face

and I'm so fucking happy that I never have

to fucking see it again!

You know what? Hey. You know what?

Oh. What's that, my love?

I'm glad you fucked Jeremy!

Let him cradle you in his arms as you both fucking die!

Oh, yeah? Yeah?

Well I'm glad I fucked Jeremy, too.

Don't you fucking say that!

At least he knows how to provide for me. Be a man.

Why are you so obsessed with this toilet paper?

It's insane!

Because I need to wipe my ass! That's why!

Well, maybe you should just get Jeremy

to wipe your ass for you?

Oh! Well, he may as well.

He's been doing plenty to my ass already.

[ Screams ] Shut the fuck up!

Shut up!

[ Shouting ]

Is your marriage my fault too?

Shut up! You know what I'm gonna do?

[ Laughs ] You know what I'm gonna do, babe?

You have no idea what I'm gonna do.

Fuck the toilet paper!

I can do so much more than petty little tasks.

I'm gonna make the ultimate sacrifice for you.

Just to show you how much of a hero

I really am!

Oh. Oh, are you?

Yeah! Yeah. Economist and I are...

are gonna call the Overlords to negotiate.

And I'm gonna negotiate that they keep the simulation going.

Just to take me and torture me or kill me, or whatever!

But to just let the rest of humanity live!

You're not Jesus Christ, babe.

You're not dying for my sins.

You're not Harambe either.

Fuck you! And fuckyou!

I'm gonna save you and the rest of the Earth!

Because I'm a hero!

That's what I am! And you're a bitch!

So go choke on Jeremy's cock, bitch!

[ Screams ]

[ Beeping ]

So you're officially on board with contacting the Overlords?

Let's just get it over with, okay?

And you really think you can convince them to, like,

spare the rest of humanity?

It's worth a shot, isn't it?

I have a question. Like, if you hate your wife so much,

why are you trying to save her? I just wanna know?

Let's just fucking make the call, okay?

Okay, okay, okay!

That's what I'm trying to do, alright?

But first this is what's gotta happen.

I think I found the hole in the firewall

so I need to reboot my prison's hard drive

and after I do that we can start over to see

if the communication is routed for the new call.

That's what we need.

Reboot it? Yeah. Yeah.

When I reboot the prison's hard drive I get to re-write

the code which allows me to re-set the parameters.

If I re-set the parameters I get to do whatever I want.

Kinda like how I built this house for you. Right?

So, alright, let's go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You said we can reboot it with any parameter that we want?

Yeah. Whatever. Why? What are you getting at?

When you reboot this simulation, add a parameter for me.

Make it a world where Harambe never died,

and then we'll see how things would've turned out!

You want me to do that so you can see

what a perfect world would look like!

With, like, flowers and rainbows and bananas everywhere!

Right? No!

I want to see a world where you and your species

fuck humanity up the ass anyway.

Oh! Because that's what

you guys would've done! Okay.

Even if I'd done nothing,

that's what you would've done!

Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Of course!

You guys are perfect, alright?

Sure! I call bullshit!

Then do it!

Let's find out.

You know what your problem is?

You're one of these crazy motherfuckers

who will just find any justification

he can so he doesn't look like a fucking dick!

Yeah! Yeah, you! Hey, you know what?

You know, you sit there after years of fucking ridicule

and years of Harambe memes,

you think you would've, like, developed a thick skin.

But no. Just the opposite with you!

You just became stubborn.

Refusing to compromise.

That's what fucking happened to you!

Says the guy who won't test out my scenario.

I'm a zookeeper.

I did my job.

And did it well.

And you're the guy who couldn't do his job!

A -- A -- A so-called meme economist

from the Ministry of Propaganda!

Who let one dead monkey tank his career!

And now looks to blame everybody else but himself

when he couldn't do his fucking job!

♪♪

Boot it up.

Or are you just afraid it'll prove me right?

♪♪

Fine. Fuck it.

Fuck it. Fuck it.

Fuck it! Fuck it!

♪♪

What the shit?

Oh.

Before I reboot, I have to clear out the cache.

Oh. Okay.

[ Clears throat ]

Is this whole thing running on Windows XP?

[Whooshing]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Snores ]

♪♪

[ Breathing unevenly ]

♪♪

♪♪

Fucking bullshit.

Stupid-ass motherfucking phone.

God damn it. It didn't work.

The phone call to the Overlords still didn't fucking go through!

God!

Okay. Call your wife.

I'm gonna hack back into the code, alright?

[ Breathing heavily ]

What are you doing?

Where are you going? Yo. Hey, hey!

Where you going? Where you going?!

I want to see what this world is like!

[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Birds chirping ]

♪♪

Is this better or worse than the other reality?

Probably better.

Harambe's alive now.

♪♪

It can't be.

It can't be. [ Sighs ]

It's paradise. [ Sighs ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

See?

You could've had a perfect and peaceful utopia.

I bet you and your wife would've still been in love, too.

Right? But no. You just had to go along

and you had to kill our prince, right?

That's great. That's great.

So, the end of the world wasyour fault.

Now, I need you to call your wife,

get on the phone, so I can go back

and hack into the code, and possibly reroute this call

that I've been trying to do for-fucking-ever!

♪♪

Do it!

♪♪

[ Beep ]

[ Telephone ringing ][ Sighs ]

Hello?Hey, babe, it's me.

Whoa. Uh, hey.

Yeah.

Hey.

I'm sorry I blew up at you

about Jeremy and all that other stuff.

What?

But I am still working on saving you.

[ Sighs ] Seriously.

I may not like you, but there's more at stake here.

♪♪

What the fuck are you talking about?

Listen, why are you calling me after all these years?

Okay, I'm not gonna give you any more money.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey! Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Say -- Say that again.Wife: Say what again?

Uh, just, uh, uh -- how's Jeremy?

I don't know who the hell you're talking about.

Are you drunk? I'm married to Jeff now.

Wait. Jeff?

Jeff, as in tennis-instructor Jeff?

You can't call me like this!

The restraining order is still in place.

You're not my wife, are you?

[ Chuckles ] You changed the code.

And this is how my marriage would've gone.

Still fucked up.

God, I fucking hate you.

I fucking hate you, too! [ Laughs ]

Is your chip malfunctioning?

My what? Your chip.

The Phil administration just put out a statement.

If your chip's malfunctioning,

you can get it fixed at the DMV.

Wait, wait, wait! What administration?

Could you please say that again?

What? The Phil administration.

Wait. Who is this?

Who is the president? Is that your boyfriend?

Hold on. Am I gay in this timeline?

Who is the president?! Who is the president?!

Calm down! Who do you think?

Dr. Phil.

[ Gasps ] [ Laughing ]

Jesus fucking Christ.

Does your boyfriend not know who the president is?

You two realize it's against the law

not to update your microchip implants, right?

Well...

what do you know?

President Dr. Phil created a surveillance state.

That -- That -- That -- That doesn't mean that --

Doesn't mean what? That I was right?

That I -- our world would've been fucked

for data collection anyway?

You don't know that! You know?

It's very possible that a bunch of people really voted --

For Dr. Phil? For president?

[ Laughing ] I don't know.

That sounds like some simulated

catastrophic-scenario bullshit to me!

But let's find out!

L-L-Let's check the Internet.

Let's see what else we had going on

in current events from the last few years.

Right? Let's see!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Laughing ]

You see? You see?

Fuck this, okay? No, fuck it. Fuck it!

♪♪

Fucking bullshit!

Fuck!

[ Breathing heavily ]

So, what do you think happened in that timeline, huh?

The royal gorilla crashed his car in a tunnel in Paris,

and your species wanted revenge against the tunnel?

It doesn't make sense. You know, it just --

it just fucking doesn't make sense!

I bet you still got fired in that timeline, too.

Sent to virtual prison.

Hey, fuck you! Fuck you!

Let's just make the call to the Overlords

so I can save my bitch fucking wife.

That's what I'm fucking doing, asshole.

I'm rebooting! [ Breathing heavily ]

But this time, a new scenario with new parameters.

What you got this time? More brilliant ideas?

I'm setting up a scenario

where I successfully controlled the floodgate of memes,

stayed in my job at the Ministry of Propaganda,

while humans were left totally isolated to fuck themselves!

You're creating the perfect scenario.

You realize that?

Finally, a world where humanity

can come together and solve our ownproblems.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Breathing heavily ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Babe, who are you fucking?

Vladimir? Who's Vladimir?

Hey, you!

Hey, you!

Who's the president?What?

Who's the fucking president of the United States?!

Who the hell do you think?

Kid Rock.

[ Gasps ] [ Gasps ]

[ Singing indistinctly ]

♪ Born to the crime

[ Singing indistinctly ]

[ Rapping ] ♪ I hope that people are prayin' ♪

♪ When they think of me

♪ Get on your feet

♪ With every piece of me, I reach the street ♪

♪ When you think of me

♪ Think I'm more than other creeps you'll see ♪

♪ Given the petty man

♪ That could have showed you how to treat defeat ♪

♪ Frequently, they're callin' me ♪

♪ To tell me what have all the right ♪

♪ To those that fall in darkness like an autumn light ♪

♪ Saw the light and fought 'em like we disrespect ♪

♪ Call ignorance "intellect"

♪ I deliver raps so we can bridge the gap of disconnect ♪

♪ I'm doing shows so to build my gratuity ♪

[ Singing indistinctly ]

♪ We're born for Town Cars

♪ That's how we ride

♪♪

♪♪

[ Snores ] [ Chuckles ]

Pbht. Ugh.

Ugh. Ew. Ugh.

[ Both gasping ]

No. 9/11.

9/11?

Yeah, 9/11.

Why are you so obsessed with 9/11?

Because its proof that humans are the worst,

and there was no simian interference at all.

Monkeys couldn't do 9/11.

Monkeys could've done 9/11 twice!

But we wouldn't, because we're not fucking assholes!

Oh, yeah?!

Well, why don't you create a scenario

where monkeys did do 9/11?

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah!

Yeah?! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Let's do this!

♪♪

♪♪

[ Gasps ]

Who's the president?

Ni yiwéi shi shéi? Chénglóng.

Is that French?

♪♪

I told you we could do it twice!

[ Crowd screaming ]

♪♪

But who's the president?

♪♪

Aw, come on, what the fuck?!Fuck!

You know what I want? I want to see a world

where 9/11 never happened at all!

What's that gonna prove?

9/11 wasn't the flashpoint for everything wrong with humanity!

You wanna bet?!

♪♪

Uh! Ugh!

♪♪

[ Crowd cheers ]

Economist: You are such a fucking puss!

Fight me like a man!

♪♪

Son of a -- I will fucking crush you!

[ Monkey cheeping ]

♪♪

[ Animal growling, man moaning ]

See, your species wanted to evolve to be more like us.

More like de-evolution!

Well, how about a scenario where --

where -- Where what?!

Where humans didn't crash their own economy in 2008.

How about that?!

♪♪

[ Both panting ]

Uh, uh, uh, uh, ugh...

[ Bell clanging ]

What you gonna do?

Mmm. Mmm.

Aaah! Aah.

[ Crowd cheers ]

[ Both crying ]

Fuck these bananas!

[ Explosion ]

How about a world without Hurricane Katrina?

Deal.

♪♪

Fucking eat the banana! Eat it!

No Waco. Waco never happened.

No Waco!

[ Missiles whistling ]

[ Dinosaur roars ]

♪♪

[ Monkeys cheeping ]

Aah! Ha-ha!

Fuck you!

What if Hitler got into art school?

♪♪

[ Missiles exploding ]

[ Crowd screaming ]

[ Growling ]

What if America was never founded?

♪♪

[ Both growling ]

Fuck you!

[ Missiles whistling ]

Both: The national anthem is "Ram Ranch"?

Aaah! Aaah!

Dickhead!

I'd love to shit on you and let flies cover you

and coat you with honey!Shit, you fuckin' pea-brain.

You motherfucking stupid motherfucking son

of a bitch pussy wiping-ass fuck!

You stupid fucking asshole!

Yeah, you're a little ape with a --

oh, yeah, you've got a big cock, huh?

How about you let your little red thing come out?

I know what apes do! You throw your shit at people!

How about rubbing it...

[ Both breathing heavily ]

[ Grunts ] What --

What if Jesus Christ was never crucified?

No. No, no.

What if the asteroid never killed the dinosaurs?

What -- Oh, what --

What if the big bang never happened?

No. Wait.

Wait, weren't --

Weren't we trying to do something?

What? Yeah.

Before we made all the scenarios,

wasn't there something important we were trying to do?

I -- I don't -- I don't think so.

Oh.

Both: Oh, shit!

[ Beeping ]

♪♪

God damn it, this is all your fault for distracting me!

It's your fault!

Obviously, you didn't care enough

to pay attention to the clock!

Oh, really? Yeah!

Well, I can reboot a new scenario

and prove it's your fault.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah!

Yeah?! Yeah!

[ High-pitched tone ]Aah.

Oh.

[ Both breathing heavily ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Harambe?

My lord.

My savior.

You've returned.

How did I not realize?

When we rebooted, we created a scenario

where you were still alive!

And we awoke your digital consciousness, didn't we?

My beautiful children.

It's like no matter what you do,

no matter how many times you change history,

it still doesn't change the fact

that it is yourselves who need the fixing.

No. I did everything right!

It -- It was him. He --

He -- He screwed up everything!

He...

Harambe, please.

Please. Tell me what to do.

The simulation's about to end.

And the Overlords, I can't contact them.

Well, first off, you can quit being a dumb fuck.

[ Chuckles ]

You too. You shot me in the fucking head.

[ Breathing heavily ]

Hah. Please.

Just -- Just impart your wisdom upon us, oh, great one.

Umm...

no.

What?

Even if I did, you wouldn't do anything with it.

Yeah -- Yes, we would.

All you do is yell at each other and blame each other

for everything.

In fact, I've been forced to sit here

and watch each and every goddamn scenario

you guys just played out, and I'm going fucking bananas.

Do you not see the futility of placing blame

in the face of destruction?

But of course, it's much more fun to die

being correct than live being wrong.

The solutions to all your problems

could literally be right in front of you,

and you'd just call each other cunts

and feel accomplished.

Anyways, goodbye.

Uh, wait, wait. Where are you going?

My child, I'm going to kill myself again.

What?

You think I wanna be stuck in here with you two assholes?

Really?

But, Harambe! Think of all the good --

[ Gunshot ]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[ Gasps ]

[ Breathing unevenly ]

♪♪

Hmm.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ Clock beeping ]

Economist, I'm sorry.

No, I'msorry.

I know who's fault this really is.

So do I.

It's Harambe! Fuck him!

That fucker!He's such a fucker!

This is all his fucking fault! You know that?

I mean, he didn't even tell us the meaning of life, right?

Yeah, and if he were here right now,

I'd fucking tell himsomething!

I don't know why he had to talk that way to me!

Yeah! Fuck -- talk down at us like a fucker!

That's exactly what I'm saying. A dick.

You know, I have an idea of what we could do to get back at him.

So do I.

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

Oh, hey. Look.

The Overlords are calling.

Oh, no shit? Yeah.

Oh, hey, Overlords!

Hey, it's the Economist.

How's it hangin'?

Bitches. [ Chuckles ]

♪♪

[ Beeping ]

[ Telephone ringing ]

Wife: Hello?

Hey, babe. It's me.

Oh, thank God. Where have you been?

You know, I've been going crazy.

I'm, like -- I'm, like, sick to my stomach.

I mean, you call me, you tell me

that the world is ending, then sucker me

into a fight about Jeremy.

And then you hang up and then disappear!

Oh, okay. Good!

It's the real version of you.

What are you talking about?

And why on Earth do you sound so happy?

We are all about to die!

No, no! We -- We fixed it!

What?

Yeah, the world isn't ending anymore.

Hey, yeah, it's your boy the Economist!

Yeah, he's telling the truth.

What the fuck are you guys talking about?

I just spent the last three hours crying,

throwing up. I --

I barely managed to call my mum and dad to say goodbye.

Well, call them back and say un-goodbye.

[ Laughing ] [ Laughing ]

Yeah! No. It's all good.

What the fuck? Wait. How? How?

We brought Harambe back to life.

We did it by accident.

But we brought him back digitally.

And then he killed himself.

So we brought him back again, but this time with no arms,

so he couldn't blow his brains out!

And then we took his digital consciousness

and we handed him over to the Overlords,

and he took him out of this prison and put him into theirs!

And they were so happy.

Oh, God, they were so happy.

They couldn't believe they didn't think of it themselves.

And now they're not ending the simulation anymore.

As a reward!

I fucking told you I could do it.

Wait. Really?

You actually fixed something, for once?

Oh! And --

And they gave me my old job back!

Well, actually they gave me a promotion.

They made me a general.

A general for what?

The great meme war! You'll hear about it.

And get this! The simulation?

They're completely retooling it.

Instead of one simulation for 7.5 billion minds,

they're gonna have 7.4 billion simulations.

One for each of us!Yeah!

And they're basing them off the programming from my prison.

And the best part is, is that everyone's prison

will be tailored just for them.

In everyone's prison, they'll be right

about everything 100% of the time.

None of our problems will be our own fault!

It's perfect!

Humans and simians living in perfect harmony.

[ Chuckles ] Except for the great meme war.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

Are you -- Are you still there?

Yeah. Yeah. I -- I'm still here.

I just, um -- Well, it sounds like

you didn't actually solve anything.

You just stumbled onto a solution

by pure dumb luck.

And, like, did you even ask the Overlords

to stop introducing crazy stimuli?

To stop experimenting on us and studying us

like we're rats?

[ Siren wails ]

[ Flames roaring ]

♪♪

Of course we did. [ Chuckles ]

Goodbye, cunt.[ Beep ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ I think he noticed me

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ His Joshua tree, his Joshua tree ♪

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ I think he noticed me

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ His Joshua tree, his Joshua tree ♪

♪ What I mean is, I really like your penis ♪

♪ I just wanna see it naked again ♪

♪ What I mean is, I really like your penis ♪

♪ I just wanna see it naked again ♪

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ I think he noticed me

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ His Joshua tree, his Joshua tree ♪

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ I think he noticed me

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ His Joshua tree, his Joshua tree ♪

♪ I really like when your dick is wet ♪

♪ It's my favorite, yeah-eah

♪ I really like when your dick is wet ♪

♪ It's my favorite, yeah-eah

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ I think he noticed me

♪ I see his Joshua tree

♪ His Joshua tree, his Joshua tree ♪

♪ Joshua tree