Original subtitles

♪

♪

[tires screech]

-[cat meows] -Todd, Ollie...

Take a look at our temporary summer home.

The Harper House.

Kind of...

okay, right?

Oh, my God.

We really own this freaking incredibly awesome old place?

Why'd we never come here?

Well, the last time I was here, kids, I was your age.

Oh, yeah, it was a big surprise when Aunt Maggie died

a few months ago, and left this house to me.

Plus, it's on the poor north side of town, Ollie.

It's old. It's scary.

It's urban.

It is temporary!

Ha! Like I said.

Mom, our real home over on the good south side of town,

remember that?

Yeah, it's right down the street from Grandpa's house.

So, I think we just stay there

while our real house gets remodeled.

Uh, um... Oh.

You know gated community rules.

They don't allow too many people living in one house

for a long time. So...

Right, Freddie?

Oh, yeah. Totally. Re... remodeling.

Yeah, yeah, Debbie.

So, uh, just think of this like camping, kids.

Camping sucked enough when we had to shit against a tree.

Now we got to shit in an Addams Family set.

No, Todd.

We get to.

We get to carry these boxes.

And we get to shit in this house.

Hey, watch the language, kids. [chuckles]

[grunting] Is this the one?

[gasps] Hi! How you doing?

Here we go.

Oh, no, no, no.

Hey, let's try to seem cool with being here, okay?

For the neighbors' sake.

Ugh. Knickknacks.

Ugh. Man, I thought someone cleared out

Aunt Maggie's sad old lady junk.

Eh, it's just a little dusty.

You know, dust is 90% dead skin.

So, people, like, never really go away.

Sweet.

This slide from upper-middle class to lower-middle class

is a pain in the ass.

Come on, give it a shot, Todd. Please?

Well, at least this weekend we'll be back

at the good old country club

with other moderately wealthy people

to watch WrestleMonium with Grandpa.

ALL: Oh, yeah!

FREDDIE: WrestleMonium 40...

Forty!

Check for a new commercial, Mom.

Come on, Freddie. Help me get my gear, babe.

NARRATOR: This weekend,

America's number one pastime...

WrestleMonium 40.

See one-on-ones, rumbles, and heavy, triggering trauma.

We've got cage matches,

torture play, and interrogations.

[crowd groaning]

This weekend, Pay-per-view only.

Wrestlemonium...

BOTH: Ah...

I don't-- Are we sure lying to the kids is okay?

It's not lying, babe.

It's withholding the truth.

Come on. Let's review the plan. All right?

One, we live here for the summer, rent free,

with you as a rad and sexy stay-at-home dad, like always.

Right...

Right.

Step two...

At my new crappy job for Dad at his awning shop...

I pitch my big idea.

Your Shark Tank-level idea.

That's today, right? You ready?

[stammering] Freddie...

Babe, this is me we're talking about, right?

I am always confident, always ready.

Locked and loaded.

[slurping]

Okay.

Step three...

Dad and the world... [chuckles]

Right? Love my idea.

And then we get rich-rich, and we move back home.

The kids will never know you lost your old job,

or-or that we had to put our real house on the market.

-Right? -Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not a failure.

In fact, I'm about to

turn this unexpected change into my advantage.

You see? Yes...

Attagirl.

Okay, now, babe.

The only thing I'm a smidge,

I mean, just the smidgiest-smidgen

worried about is your presentation style.

What? Come on.

Freddie, I'm awesome.

You just said so yourself.

We're all good.

-Now, get to it. [grunts] -[whoops]

Hey.

[exhales sharply]

All right, girl.

Time to blow everyone's mind and save the day.

[gasps]

[hissing]

[whimpers]

Uh-oh, Dad.

It's your phobia...

[whispering]: ...possums.

Dude, better let Mom take this one.

No. Guys, she has enough on her plate.

I'm going to face my fears.

So, uh...

Go pick rooms, kids.

[humming]

[whispering]: Hello, Rat Hole Pest Control?

Hi. Yeah, uh, thank you.

I-I just wonder what it costs to have someone to come out

and handle a bevy of possums on the sly?

300 bucks?

What? No.

I do not care if live trapping is a delicate art of seduction.

Thank you.

Uh, just... [groans]

One...

sec...

to wow time, Daddy.

Debbie, sweetie, why all this fuss?

Just tell me, normal style.

[door bell jingles]

Brenna!

Look, Daddy.

It's like a little awning for my face.

I got it at the country club pro shop.

So chic.

Oh. Hey, Deb.

What are youdoing here?

You know I work here now, Brenna.

Oh, right. You lost your job.

Right, right, right.

Brenna, get out of here.

You don't even work here!

I made Daddy his favorite snack,

homemade banana-peanut butter Elvis custards.

Nothing big or special.

[groans]

My room.

Oh, cool, a ceiling fan.

Rad. [laughing]

This will be my room, I guess.

[door squeaks]

[screaming]

[door opens, slams shut]

When I took this job,

I saw huge untapped potential for the awning industry.

You know I got a master's in engineering,

and I am an innovator.

Uh, so...

I had an epiphany that'll make us rich.

Now the sun moves across the sky,

and a regular piece-of-shit awning

will cast shade in more than one direction during the day

on some goddamn street or wall or...

[blows raspberry]

BRENNA: Ooh...

DEBBIE: Shut your shit eater, Brenna.

[clears throat] Now, I say...

awnings should self-adjust

with the sun. Huh?

They should cast shade on your target area only. So...

Ha-ha! I defeated the sun.

We can fast-track this shit, Daddy.

Get it out in the market yesterday, and boom...

We're all rich before the summer ends.

Yes!

[panting] So...

What do you think?

I think the idea is okay,

but your presentation was a little crazy.

Uh, well, it's a very exciting idea.

I just need you to work in the shop, in the back,

cranking out old awnings.

No biggie. Like we talked.

But, Daddy, you didn't even...

Hon, good old boys just want the regular awnings,

not transformers hanging off the front of their businesses.

But, Daddy, I have

planned on this for my family.

I'm not denying you're a talented engineer,

but you just rush into shit.

I mean, this is another one of your episodes

of delusional thinking.

Sorry.

Well, I thought that was really entertaining, Sis.

I expect we'll see you all at the country club

for WrestleMonium this weekend, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

The twins are really looking forward to that.

Listen, uh, Deb, uh, about that...

Uh, you aren't members anymore, right?

Due to the expense?

Dad, spit it out. What?

[groaning]

You can't go.

I can have you on as guests only for golf or swimming.

But this...

this is WrestleMonium.

It's members only.

Sorry, kiddo.

[gasps]

♪

[bell chimes]

[audience laughing on TV]

[laughing]

Yo, dazed lady, what do you want?

You know...

it's ironic that I used to have a "great job"

in an appliance factory, until it moved to Vietnam.

And now, I'm buying booze in the Vietnam Market

with money I don't have.

I don't care about the backstory of this purchase.

[gasps]

Uh...

[groans]

I'm a recovered alcoholic, but...

it's a struggle.

Yeah...

I recall this stuff ripping through me like a tornado.

Okay, thanks,

Miss Don't Got Time for Backstories.

[grunts]

Ah.

-[phone ringing] -Hey, Tonya.

You calling to get the lowdown

on my rugby player from last night?

Daddie Dan doesn't get my awnings...

-[groaning] -What?

That idea was amazing.

Your dad has always been shut down to new things.

Like when we wanted to play beer pong in third grade.

How do I tell the kids?

And Freddie?

Rip that Band-Aid off.

They'll handle it. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Got to, got to go, babe.

-Uh, good luck with the fam. -[rapid beeping]

Mwah.

[sighs]

Oh, my God, why didn't you answer your phone?

[gasps] Baby, what's wrong with your face?

I'm allergic to Aunt Maggie's skin dust.

And while we're on the topic,

we found her body, too.

The police and coroner came.

It was a scene. The cool neighbors all watched.

-It was awful. -Wait. What?

No one arranged for the body or the funeral.

I mean, families just do not communicate

about their elderly these days.

One sec, kids.

-Freddie, come here. -[grunts]

Listen...

Look what I found,

a huge box of Maggie's old porn magazines.

Gross.

"Hide-and-Go-Sex and Other Naughty Games

for Big, Scary Houses."

Daddie Dan didn't like my idea.

Wait. What? How?

Did you use the flashlight?

Yes, I used the flashlight.

Oh, honey. I'm sorry.

That's terrible.

But at least we have WrestleMonium

-to distract the kids. -Well...

Daddie Dan also says...

we can't go to the country club for WrestleMonium

because, you know, we're not "members" anymore.

What? Are you serious?

What are we going to do?

No, no, no, no!

Freddie, look at me.

We can...

recreate WrestleMoniumfor the twins by doing a party here.

Then we tell the kids the news about the house after.

-Cool? -Cool.

[smooching]

Kids...

we have a great idea.

Let's throw a WrestleMoniumparty

in this crazy house.

Huh?

What? No way.

We-we always do it at the country club.

Who will we watch it with? Just us?

Aw. Seems a little low-key.

What? Ugh. I am bored of all those good old boys,

pseudo-rich country club people.

We'll invite the neighbors.

I don't know why you guys are pumped...

but, goddamn, it's contagious.

I'm in!

Come on, Todd, just this once.

For me, honey?

[announcer voice]: Are... you... in?

Whatever, okay. I'll try.

And... Break balls.

[grunting]

[groaning]

[grunts]

[vocalizing]

Ha, there it is.

[laughs quietly]

Okay, we got quote, unquote

"illegal" cable and Internet.

Now, to access that super expensive Pay-per-view,

I got to hit the rich side of town.

Todd, let me do the talking.

You're good at being a dick.

I'm good at people.

Or...

you're emotionally intelligent,

and I'm just intelligent-intelligent.

Hey, I'm Ollie. This is Todd.

You guys want to come over and watch WrestleMonium

and eat stuff at our house tonight?

Oh, yeah. What's up, Dead House?

You know we found our dead aunt in that house?

Nice coincidence.

You're strange.

I like that.

All right, well, I'm Shauna, so count me in.

[quiet, maniacal chuckle]

[tires squeal]

Just like Daddie always said,

"Make sure to have a stockpile of cable."

Right? [cackling]

Oh, look.

The white kids that live in crazy old Maggie's house.

How is she?

-Dead. -Way dead.

We hope.

Wait. I thought no one lived there.

You're right. Technically, no one was living there

for the past few months.

But we live there now.

[laughing]

FREDDIE: Okay...

let's see here.

[grunting]

Well, that should do it.

What's that weird smell?

I feel high.

Is this high?

[gasps] Shit.

Outside!

[grunting]

[laughing]

Ooh.

[both laughing]

[whimpering]

Okay, uh, uh.

[whimpering, crying]

[panting, groaning]

Oh my god. Uh.

[panting]

[chuckles]

Ah... [chuckling]

[giggling]

[whooping]

Oh, hi there. How are you?

I'm Freddie.

Wh... [screaming]

Ah, get off, get off! [screams]

[grunting]

Ah! Ha-ha!

And stay out!

Here we go.

Yes! Mom, you did it.

You're goddamn right I did.

[deep voice]: Oh yeah!

Ha, I'm coming' to get ya.

Finished.

Ooh, would you take a look at that spread?

Freddie, we get it.

We see you.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

Oh, always glad to have you over, Tonya.

Hey, is your boyfriend coming?

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.

You're all alone because you're awful. Hi.

All right, you two. Leave the fighting to WrestleMonium.

Yes! Dad did his ham volcano poppers,

fried catfish poppers,

and crunch pouches with timed-release popper cheese.

[knock on door]

They're here! They're here!

Okay, now everybody be cool

because our neighbors seem very cool.

They're, uh... what's the safe way to say this?

They're, uh...

-[stammering] -They're Black...

And you're gross?

Wait. Aren't I supposed to want Black friends?

I'm brown.

Why don't you act like I'm a trophy?

Well, I-I do care about your race, but the thing is,

I'm too distracted by your awfulness.

Welcome. Welcome.

Uh, and just so you know, we are a family of allies

in this house.

Here's a card with all my social handles,

just in case you want to check out my feeds,

or tag this super diverse and progressive hang. All right.

GBENGE: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Is this a reality prank show?

Welcome, folks.

There's tons of beer, wine and whiskey.

Can I get a Diet Coke and a lot less goddamn talk about booze?

Ollie, just take me to the coolest old lady dead stuff

you've found right now.

Dude...

Know what dust really is?

I knew Maggie's house would smell like mothballs.

Kind of exciting to see inside this house.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Exciting like a shitty amusement park

where you walk through an old lady's stinky house

and watch wrestling with white people.

Ham thing's good, though.

I will get you the recipes.

Okay, okay, everybody, everybody, listen up.

We're the Harpers.

And we do shit for real.

[crackling]

Ooh.

[crackling]

[tires squeal]

[horn blaring]

[cheering, whooping]

[gasping]

-Oh, yay. -[cheering]

Well, son of a fucking bitch.

-Uh, what is going on? -What happened?

Uh, every... We'll get it taken care of.

Where's the goddamn fuse box?

-[growls] -[shrieking]

[screaming]

[squealing]

Oh, well, that happened.

-Whew. -Oh. -[laughter]

Whew. Ooh.

Maybe the fuse box is in here.

[screaming]

Oh, uh, ah, oh...

Oh, I get it. "Hide-and-Go-Sex."

Huh.

-That's a sex outfit. -No, no, just a dead body in a closet.

Nothing could be more innocent.

Okay, we're done here.

Yep, us too.

I know it was busy tonight, but my name is Gbenga.

That right there is Shauna and that is Katrina.

Next time, here's a little tip for you:

don't treat us like diversity trophies.

Oh, my God. I'm so bad and wrong.

Please forgive me. I-I-I hear you.

Told ya, Freddie. Ha.

Hello, 911?

Yeah, you missed a corpse.

-I can still make this damn thing work if I just... -Mom.

No, no, no, Todd.

I'll just patch into someone's cloud or some other...

Stop it, Mom!

Just stop it!

You know...

you can't just engineer us out of this.

I've tried enough for you guys.

I hate this place.

I'm sleeping in the truck!

Uh...

He's sensitive.

I'll stay with him.

Well, that was nice.

We should go to more funerals.

We really should.

I feel for old Aunt Maggie.

I hate that her family forgot her.

Let's promise to not do that to each other.

Right?

[takes deep breath]

Kids...

I got to tell you the truth.

I lost my job at the factory.

Oh, Mom. I'm sorry.

And we had to put the old house up for sale.

Oh, Mom...

Wait. What?

We're stuck here, on the north side, because it's cheaper

and the only job I can find is for your granddad.

And the Harper House will be our home for a while.

Okay? Toddy?

[gasps]

Look, it's going to be okay, kids.

All right? Just keep the possums away from me, please.

Mom.

Mom, I...

I miss our old house.

Aw, Toddy, come here.

[grunts] Oh...

I am really sorry we lied to you kids.

And I promise one of my ideas will get us our old life back,

but until then,

let's all try to just be cool with this change, right?

I know our life is changing, but...

I'm scared.

And you should be scared.

Of my wrestling moves.

What?

Terrible Todd.

Oh, no, no, no, don't you dare.

[grunting]

Oh, don't think you're getting away, Oblivious Ollie.

Get over here.

[laughing]

[grunting, laughing]

-Oh. Oh. -Mm-hmm.

-[growling] -[laughing]

Whoa. Whoa.

You're all going to get a beatdown now...

Freddie the Frightened Possum Boy included.

That's right. [grunts]

Because I am a...

I am a... [laughs]

I am a poor-ass mama with a hangover

and a crappy job in a shitty house.

[laughter]

-Oh. Oh. -Oh, yeah, I'm taking you down.

[laughing]

Ha-ha!

Who's on top now?

-[grunting, panting] -DEBBIE: Ooh, give me that.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Chirp.

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