Original subtitles

>> KEIRA: Mm.

Okay, now I totally get

the Malik Ride experience.

>> Yeah, yeah, good.

Let's go again.

>> Again?

>> Yeah, we only did it four

times.

>> Uh, three and a half.

I forgot to tell you thanks for

the half.

>> [moaning]

>> Mm, Malik.

>> Uh, say my name again, baby.

>> TASHA: Malik!

>> KEIRA: [gasps]

>> Mama?

>> Keira?

>> Tasha?

>> Kai?

>> Lord!

>> Lord! >> MALIK: [sighing]

>> MALIK: [sighing]

>> MALIK: [sighing] >> ♪

>> ♪

>> ♪ >> [unintelligible lyrics]

>> [unintelligible lyrics]

>> [unintelligible lyrics] >> [sparkler sizzling]

>> [sparkler sizzling]

>> Another piece of cake,

Chardonnay?

>> Roger, I can't apologize to

you enough.

I mean, if it wasn't for me

convincing you to write

that horrible statement, your

daddy never woulda fired you.

>> Yeah, you did pretty much get

me fired.

I'm just kidding.

>> [laughing]

>> I got exactly what I needed.

A swift kick out of the nest.

So now I'm free to do whatever

it is I wanna do.

>> Well, then I'm glad I helped

you get fired.

>> Hey, um, I was thinkin' about

goin' to Aspen next week.

Just me and a few of my friends.

You wanna come?

>> Um, I can't.

I have a spa expo thing I gotta

get to.

Unfortunately November's spa

season is kinda like

the accountants' April.

>> Okay, that's too bad.

>> Mm-hmm.

Want some more cake?

>> Wherever could granny be?

Granny?!

Show your ass, big bad wolf.

>> Roar.

>> [gasps]

>> Wherever is Goldilocks?

>> Goldilocks?

I'm Little Red Riding Hood.

>> Right, right.

>> Jason.

What's on your mind?

>> [groaning] Job security.

Roger keeps promising me if

I got the team to the playoffs

as interim coach, he'd make me

head coach.

But now there's a new owner

comin' in so it's just like,

who knows?

>> You can't live in that space,

Jason.

So instead of spinning your

wheels, let's be proactive.

Let's find out who the new

owners are gonna be and win

them over.

>> Um, in case you hadn't

noticed, Kelly, people don't

like me very much.

>> No, no. I've noticed.

>> Okay.

So unless the new owners are

buttholes like me, I'm up

crab's creek.

>> What if they are you?

>> What do you mean?

Buy the Sabers?

>> Magic did it with

the Dodgers.

For the Sabers you could do it

for a whole lot less.

>> Huh.

Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh,

huh, huh.

I did hide a lot of money

from you in the divorce--not

that much.

Not enough to buy a football

team, or re-do the bathroom.

Don't get any bright ideas.

>> Well, I actually made a lot

of money connections when

we were divorced.

I think that I could bring

them in.

>> Okay. Okay.

We'd still need someone

to--legitimize the group.

You know, a front office type

guy like Baby Roger.

>> [gasps] Perfect.

>> No, no, no.

I said 'like' Baby Roger.

The actual Baby Roger hates me.

>> Well, then you have to make

him like you.

That's your specialty.

That and sniffin' butts.

[giggles]

>> You know what?

You're right.

I'm gonna go talk to him.

But first, I'm gonna huff

and I'm gonna puff.

And blow your thong off!

[howling]

>> KELLY: [giggling]

>> JASON: [howling continues]

>> Okay, so how much did your

mom see?

Keira's booty? Her breasts?

A nip?

All right, describe it slow.

>> Dawg, who in the hell cares,

all right?

My mama's walked in me

havin' orgies.

I don't give a damn about that.

My real problem is after me and

Keira gettin' it in for five

times, I ain't shed a tear yet,

Tee Tee.

>> Hm.

>> When me and Yana did it,

I cried.

That's how I knew I loved

her, man.

But with Keira,

it's nothin', dawg.

It's a damn drought.

>> Okay, I think the real issue

here might be that you're

a grown man who cries

durin' sex.

>> Okay, pause, I wasn't

boo-hooin'.

I shed a tear, as in one of them

damn things.

>> All right.

If you ask me, I think you

mighta let Yana get in your head

a little bit.

I mean, she told you, you don't

know how to love and now you're

questioning everything all

of a sudden.

>> No, no.

I'm in my head because of all

the damn sacrifice and drama

I just went through to get

Keira's ass.

The elevator brawl,

the suspension.

My team is lookin' at me like

I'm a damn scumbag.

And after all of that, Tee Tee,

dawg, there is a possibility

that we're not even a match.

That's a hard pill to

swallow, man.

>> [phone vibrating]

>> Oh, look who decided to

call first.

Ma, I said I'd watch her at

11 o'clock.

You the one who showed up at

10:30.

Yeah, Kai ain't gonna remember

what it looks like, Mama.

Dang.

>> Look, Malik.

I know you a grown-ass man.

Yes, with some grown-ass body

parts, okay?

But we are all mature adults.

Which is why I wanna invite you

and Keira over for dinner.

Because I'm a mature-ass mama.

>> All right, ma, okay.

We'll be there tomorrow night.

And yes, we'll have our clothes

on, okay?

Man.

>> [knock on door]

>> Well, you two are here

already.

>> Ma, we late.

What you talkin' about?

>> Well, late is the Black

people's early, so come on in.

Two little love birds.

>> [sighs] Lord.

>> Malik?

>> Tasha.

>> Keira.

>> Lord.

Yana, what you doin' here?

>> Well, your--

>> You remember Yana was tryin'

to put together that

exercise DVD?

Well, I realized that I have

a lotta money, but I can always

use more.

So, why not invest in somethin'

that's good, you know, somethin'

that's real, and obesity

is big, y'all.

It's big.

>> Okay, well, you know what?

Yana, it's good to see you.

Me and Keira are gonna bounce.

>> Nonsense.

Come on, y'all.

Look, I have ordered dinner.

And it's expensive, too.

So I just thought you know,

maybe we could all stay here

and just kinda, you know,

chop it up a little bit.

>> [laughing] Okay, really?

That's...that's...that's what

you just...you just thought.

Yeah, okay, why not?

I'm a fan of food and I would

love to see how this is gonna

play out.

>> Yana, I don't think that

we've formally met.

I'm Keira.

>> Hi.

>> Nice to meet you.

>> We're together.

>> I got that.

>> [knock on door]

>> Well, that must be

the expensive food I was talkin'

about.

>> Oh, let me help you

with that.

>> TASHA: Okay.

>> Look here, I know what you're

tryin' to do.

>> Well, good, okay.

'Cause I told yo ass to stay

the hell away from my son,

but obviously you missed that

message.

So now, I gotta bring out

the big guns, little girl.

Pow! Pow! Pow!

>> I'm so scared.

Well, you better shoot to kill.

>> Oh, well.

Looks like I already have.

>> Like 90, like maybe even

92 percent, you know?

>> Well, do you want me to

check it?

>> Yeah, check it out and see.

>> [knock at door]

>> [sighing]

>> Malik, are you okay?

>> Yeah. Hell, yeah.

I ain't...I ain't cryin',

if that's what you askin'.

if that's what you askin'. [sniffles]

[sniffles]

>> Chardonnay.

>> Hey, Tee Tee.

>> You are lookin' lovely this

evening.

>> Thank you.

Let's just hope my date thinks

so, too.

Look, he looks like a regular

guy, right?

>> Hm.

>> Hoo, he handsome.

The profile says that he is

a charming intellect trapped

inside an athlete's body.

Yes! His name is--

>> BOTH: --Chase Billings.

>> How do you do?

>> What?!

Not even close, Tee Tee.

Really?

>> Okay, look.

I gotta do the catfish thing to

protect myself online.

You know there's a whole

segment of single women with

deformities?

>> Hm.

>> Look, I love "Total Recall,"

but two breasts is my limit.

>> Well, I'm sorry, Chase--

I mean Tee Tee, but I didn't

sign up for this.

>> Oh, you just think you're

better than me.

>> A little.

The truth is, is that I met this

guy and I panicked.

Now, I know I'm ready to start

datin' again, but I just don't

know if I'm ready to date

this guy.

>> Why not?

Does he have three testicles?

There's a whole segment of

single men with deformities,

too.

>> Tee Tee, I-I-I think he has

two testicles, but,

I mean, who knows?

But what I do know is that he's

smart.

He's driven and he's handsome

as hell.

And he makes me laugh.

>> But--

>> But he's in the football

world.

And after everything that

happened with me and Jason,

I just can't allow myself to

get pulled back into that.

That almost--destroyed me.

>> Where else are you gonna

find him?

Look, for better or worse,

this is where you at.

The real question is--is he

everything you're lookin' for?

>> He could be.

>> I know you've been through

a lot and I know you're scared.

But don't you deserve a chance

But don't you deserve a chance at real happiness?

at real happiness?

>> Yeah.

Go ahead, Tee Tee, with your

advice.

>> [laughing] Well, you know?

>> [laughing] Thank you,

Mr. Billings.

>> You're welcome.

Wait, hold on, beautiful.

>> What?

>> We can still smash, right?

>> [tsks] Boy!

>> [tsks] Boy! Bye, Tee Tee.

Bye, Tee Tee.

>> [sighing] All right, Tinder,

>> [sighing] All right, Tinder, who we got next?

who we got next?

>> Mm, this mac and cheese is

everything.

>> Girl, this is room service

mac and cheese and it is

anything but everything.

Yuck.

Yana, why don't you tell us

about your recent career moves,

honey.

>> Oh, well, uh, I was recently

made trainer for the Padres.

>> Oh, damn. San Diego Padres.

Wow, that's...that's big.

Congrats on that.

>> Please, that is huge.

That's that baseball money.

Okay, this girl is goin' places.

Keira, where you goin'?

I ain't seen you on the big

screen, small screen.

Hell, you ain't even on my cell

phone screen.

Hello.

>> [chuckles] Actually, I did

a national commercial.

But you've probably been so busy

tryin' to bounce back from all

that baby fat, you haven't had

a chance to see it.

>> MALIK: [choking]

>> Oh, maybe Yana can help you

with that.

>> I-I-I think I've actually

seen that commercial a bunch of

times.

Yeah, it looks, ah, really fun.

>> It was.

>> Yeah, that's the one she did

with her fiancé, mm-hmm,

up until about two weeks ago

before she traded players.

And look at her now.

She's just sittin' over here

with my son, huh?

>> KEIRA: Okay.

>> I'm tellin' you, Malik, you

better keep your commercials

away from this one.

That girl ain't loyal.

Once she's in, she's out. Ha.

>> Keira just booked a big

network pilot, all right?

She done with commercials,

all right?

>> Actually it's, um, it's for

cable.

>> Yeah, exactly.

See, cable's what's hot

right now.

"Game of Thrones,"

"Walking Dead,"

It's all about cable.

>> No, it's, um, it's for

the role of a pilot in, um,

a web series, uh, called

"Cable."

And I passed on it, okay?

>> TASHA: Mm, mm, mm!

>> Okay, this is just what

I thought it was gonna be.

So, you're not feelin' her

and you invited me over to throw

a wrench in the situation.

It's very Shakespearean,

or "Bad Girls Club" of you.

Not exactly sure which.

But I am gonna pass.

Take care.

>> Wow.

Now you see this one right here,

that's a smart girl.

Done broke down my whole

operation.

And you just gonna let her walk

out your life again.

Dammit.

Look, your career is at an end,

okay?

All right, you need somebody

that you can have a future with.

That you can build a decent life

with, okay, that knows a good

mac and cheese for God's sakes.

>> Mama, look, you need to

stop, okay?

>> Stop what?

Kickin' the ballistics?

Hope you're happy now.

She gone.

>> Okay listen up, mama,

'cause I'ma only say this to

you one time.

I know good and damn well where

my career is headed 'cause I'm

the only one that's livin' it.

And as for who I lay with at

night, that's my damn business

and you ain't never gonna have

a say in that, okay?

Me and Yana had our time and

that's ended, all right?

If you think she's such a good

damn catch, why don't you go

holler at her 'cause I think

she still goes both ways.

Now as for this beautiful lady

right here, this is my woman.

And if you can't act right

around us then you don't need

around us then you don't need to be around us--at all!

to be around us--at all!

to be around us--at all! >> Dinner was lovely.

>> Dinner was lovely.

>> I don't know about doin'

business with you, Jason.

You can be a little messy.

>> Well, I'll wear one of your

bibs, Baby Ro-- [laughing]

I am well aware of my many

deficiencies.

>> [knock at door]

>> Okay.

Once you see who's on the other

side of this door, there's no

way you're saying "no" to this

partnership.

A Pitt-y guarantee.

>> ROGER JR.: All right.

>> ROGER JR.: All right. It's your man.

It's your man.

>> Hello, sir.

Come on in.

Welcome.

>> Thank you.

[chuckling]

>> I give you--Mr. Lesser.

>> Oh, stop it, call me Herby.

My father was Mr. Lesser.

It says so on his tombstone.

>> So good to see you.

[squeals] Meet Roger.

>> Oh, pleasure.

>> It's an honor to have you

on board.

>> Oh, when Goldilocks called

Papa Bear and told me what

the deal was, I couldn't

resist it.

[chuckles]

>> Goldilocks and Papa Bear?

>> Oh, it's just little

nicknames.

>> ALL: [laughing]

>> Nicknames are fun.

>> Nicknames are fun. >> Oh, sit, sit.

>> Oh, sit, sit.

>> That's...no.

That's fine.

>> KELLY: [clears throat]

>> JASON: [clears throat]

>> ROGER JR.: So, Herby?

>> Yeah?

>> When did you start

considerin' owning a team?

>> Real estate is my forté,

but when Kel calls you and

demands 200 million, unless you

know the safe word, you cough it

up, you know?

>> KELLY: [laughing]

>> How do you two know each

other again?

I mean, it's important to know

everyone's origin story so when

they ask how the Pitts Group

came together we can tell 'em.

Obviously, I know how we met,

I know how Kelly and I met,

and we just saw how you and

Roger met.

But how...how...how...how did

you two meet?

>> You'll never guess.

My private island.

>> KELLY: [laughing]

>> Yeah, I never would have.

How'd you get there, Kel,

breast stroke?

>> You know, why don't

we discuss numbers?

>> ROGER JR.: So I'm thinkin'

it's gonna take at least a half

a billion dollars to get this

deal done.

And I also have two other

investors that I'd like to bring

into the group as well.

>> HERBY: Use my bank.

Yeah, you know anybody over

there?

>> ROGER: Yeah, no, no, I have--

>> HERBY: Okay, let me,

I'll introduce you around--

>> Are you sure that's

an appropriate outfit for this

meeting?

I think...I think a button's

missing.

Remember you are representing

the Pitts Group now.

>> Focus, Jason.

>> How can I with your boobs

starin' daggers at everyone.

>> ROGER: Hey, Jason?

>> Mm-hm?

>> You okay?

>> You okay? >> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

Is your arm okay, Herby?

Need a heating pad, or Icy Hot,

or an orthopedist?

>> No, no, no.

I just, ah, always keep a young

friend around to stretch me out.

>> KELLY: [laughs]

>> ROGER JR.: Oh, so that's

your secret.

>> Is it, Kel?

Is that his "secret"?

>> So is there a problem--

because you're making everybody

uncomfortable.

>> Oh, I'm sorry, am I?

You know what I would actually

feel a lot more comfortable

if I knew that you and my wife

had never had sex, Papa Bear.

>> Jason, why are you bringing

this up?

>> Oh, my God, you didn't

deny it.

>> Jason, stop!

Okay, look, we dated two

years ago.

You and I weren't together.

>> Jason, it was just a casual

hookup.

>> Herby, you're out of

the group.

Matter of fact, moving forward,

anyone who has slept with

my wife who is not named

Jason Pitts is also out of

the group.

>> I'm outta here.

>> Oh, God, you let Baby Roger

hit it, too.

>> I never slept with

Kelly, Jason.

But thank you for provin'

to me that you are in fact

a very messy man.

>> Herby.

>> See ya around, kid.

>> KELLY: [sighing]

What the hell?!

>> What the hell, you!

We get divorced and you start

hittin'--God?

>> I was geriatric curious.

It's a thing.

And it was great!

>> Well, yeah, yeah.

I'm sure he used the same tricks

on you as he did on Cleopatra.

>> You know what, maybe I should

go back to my billionaire ex

and send you trollin' for

another bartender from Fresno.

>> You know what?

I've said some things;

you've said some things.

I think we can both agree that

our love has never been

stronger, sweetheart.

Hm?

And I think we can also agree

that buying the team is out.

>> Yeah. I'd say so.

>> Okay.

Back to plan A.

I just have to win every

single game.

Easy peasy.

Easy peasy. I could use a drink.

I could use a drink.

>> Hey, mister, spare some

change for one of God's

children?

Oh, you're gonna roll the window

up on me!

[imitates spitting]

I hope your brakes fail!

>> [phone vibrating]

>> Ah, no.

>> TASHA: Lil girl, I know you

did not just send me to

voicemail.

I can hear you in there talkin'

I can hear you in there talkin' to yourself.

to yourself.

>> Hi.

>> Hello.

>> Um, I know you're not just

gonna come in here like dinner

never happened.

>> Look, Keira, the way you and

Malik got together was sloppy.

And I saw how crushed Blue was

after the fact and I don't want

that to happen to my son.

But I know he must be really

feelin' you the way he went to

bat for you 'cause I ain't never

seen him do that for any other

woman--except maybe me.

>> Look, Tasha, the same way

that he has my back, is the same

way that I have his.

We're best friends, okay?

I am not gonna hurt him.

>> How do you know that?

>> Because he's not gonna

hurt me.

>> Okay.

Well, now it's time for me to

show you how to make some real

mac and cheese.

>> Oh, it's like a...a family

recipe?

>> Mm, well, it started off with

the Van Drosses and then they

passed it on down to the

Laburts, 'til Andy Stone kept

textin' me and textin' me.

I said, look, until you get

the grated stuff, we ain't

even talkin' no mac and cheese.

>> BOTH: [laughing]

>> Oh, you gonna love

>> Oh, you gonna love this, girl.

this, girl.

this, girl. >> [mixed conversations]

>> [mixed conversations]

>> Ooh, crazy night.

I'm glad you called me, though.

>> Good, I really wanted to

talk to you.

>> Without the apology cake?

>> Without the apology cake.

>> BOTH: [laughing]

>> Actually, I called you here

to talk about the ski trip you

invited me on.

>> Oh, so you changed your mind?

>> Well, I'm not accepting

your invitation, but I'm not

declining it either.

>> Okay.

So you're not going, but you're

not not going.

>> [laughs] Well, I'm just

changing the location to change

the expectations.

>> I'm listening.

>> Okay, so how about me, you,

and church?

>> Like church, church?

>> Like amen, somebody, church.

>> A church date?

God can be our chaperone.

>> Okay.

>> All right. Yeah.

>> Okay, cool.

I really like your company,

Roger.

I just also know how messy this

situation can get.

You know?

>> I, yeah, I understand.

>> I, yeah, I understand. But I like messy.

But I like messy.

>> Junior.

>> Jason.

>> Kelly.

>> Chardonnay?

>> Chardonnay? >> Messy.

>> Messy.

>> Oh, I'm starved.

You want some more mac

and cheese?

and cheese? >> Hell, yeah.

>> Hell, yeah.

>> The sex is all that.

Your mama's on our team now.

My mac and cheese is the bomb.

Everything is perfect.

Everything is perfect. >> Yup, everything is perfect.

>> Yup, everything is perfect.

>> Yup, everything is perfect. >> ♪

>> ♪

>> ♪ >> ♪

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