Original subtitles

- LOOK, THIS AIN'T GOT NOTHING BAD IN IT FOR ME,

LIKE NO MSG OR BCH OR PCP, DO IT?

OKAY, 'CAUSE I SAY NO TO DRUGS.

[laughs]

GIRL, I CAN'T EVEN SAY THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

- WELL, RELAX, ALL RIGHT?

THIS AVOCADO HYDRATING MASK IS 100% ORGANIC.

FOR YOUR NERVES. YEAH!

- OKAY, WELL, GOOD.

OKAY, 'CAUSE MY BODY IS JUST ONE BIG ZIT,

AND MY SKIN IS IN DESPERATE NEED OF A SKINTERVENTION.

OH, AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, OKAY,

THIS DON'T MAKE UP FOR YOUR HUSBAND

BLOWING UP MY PLACE WITH POOKIE, YOU HEAR?

- WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, TASHA,

YOU DID PULL ME INTO YOUR SYNTHETIC WEAVE OF DECEIT

AND FORCED ME UNDER DURESS TO LIE TO SAID HUSBAND.

- WHATEVER.

OKAY, LOOK, SO AFTER THIS,

I NEED ONE OF THEM SEAWEED BODY WRAPS, ALL RIGHT?

WITH THEM HOT STONES AND--

OOH, AND A SALT GLOW, TIME PERMITTING.

- WHATEVER I NEED TO PLUCK, SCRUB, OR INJECT

TO KEEP YOU QUIET, I WILL DO JUST THAT, OKAY?

'CAUSE LORD KNOWS THERE'S ENOUGH DRAMA GOING ON IN MY HOUSE.

- OOH, I'M SORRY, GIRL.

- MM-HMM, THANK YOU.

- I'M SORRY YOU THE SORRY WIFE OF A SORRY MAN

MAKING A SORRY ATTEMPT AT A SORRY-ASS COMEBACK.

- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? THE FEELING IS MUTUAL.

'CAUSE HE DON'T WANT ME

HANGING OUT WITH YOUR SORRY ASS EITHER.

- HOLD UP.

HE TOLD YOU HE DIDN'T WANT YOU HANGING WITH TASHA MACK?

- THAT'S WHAT HE TOLD CHARDONNAY.

- OKAY. YOU BETTER CHECK HIS ASS, OKAY?

'CAUSE, NEXT THING YOU KNOW, HE GONNA BE TELLING YOU

NOT TO REFER TO YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON.

- [scoffs]

WELL, CHARDONNAY AIN'T SCARED OF NO JASON PITTS, OKAY?

CHARDONNAY DOES WHAT CHARDONNAY PLEASES

WHEN CHARDONNAY PLEASES AND HOW CHARDONNAY PLEASES,

OKAY?

CHARDONNAY.

- CHARDONNAY?

- OOH, HELL.

[aggressive rock music]

- SHH!

HEY, BABE! - HEY--OH!

OKAY.

NO TACKLES ON MY DAY OFF.

- OH, I'M SORRY, BABY.

I'M JUST SO SURPRISED TO SEE YOU HERE.

WHAT YOU DOING HERE?

- JUST RUNNING SOME ERRANDS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

THOUGHT I'D GIVE YOU A RIDE HOME SO WE CAN SAVE ON GAS.

IT WENT UP 2 CENTS A GALLON YESTERDAY.

- HMM. - HE'S YOUR PRESIDENT.

- OH. [scoffs]

WELL, LOOK, BABY, I HAVE A CLIENT,

AND I'LL BE HOME LATER.

I PROMISE. OKAY?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

I CAN JUST HAVE NIKA DO MY TOES.

- UM...

- WHAT? WHAT, NIKA?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE'S BUNIONS,

YOU PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE GONE TO COLLEGE, HUH?

- COME ON, BABY. LOOK, WE BUSY.

WE NEED TO FINISH UP, OKAY?

OKAY, LOVE YOU.

- LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU.

- YEAH, OKAY.

- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE YOU COULD WALK HOME

SO WE COULD STILL SAVE ON THAT GAS.

- BOY, BYE.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO WALK.

BUS? - BYE.

- NOW YOU TOO GOOD FOR THE BUS?

- OOH, I'M SORRY. OH, I'M SORRY.

- WELL, WELL, WELL...

UH--

ORGANIC, MY ASS.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

- YOU KEEP JUMPING LIKE THAT EVERY TIME JASON SAYS BOO,

YOU GONNA TURN INTO ANOTHER KELLY PITTS.

- WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THROWING HER UP IN MY FACE?

- BECAUSE YOU'RE STARTING TO ACT LIKE HER.

SHE WAS PASSIVE, INSECURE, SCARED,

TIPTOEING AROUND JASON WITH HER BOOBS ALL OUT.

YEAH, I'M ABOUT TWO SECONDS AWAY

FROM PLAYING THE BONGOS ON THEM.

[imitating playing drums]

- WELL, LOOK, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE DOGHOUSE

AFTER COVERING UP FOR YOUR ASS.

- HEIFER, THAT WAS WEEKS AGO, OKAY?

THIS SOME NEW DANCE YOU DOING NOW.

THIS IS THE KELLY PITTS SHUFFLE.

OH, YEAH. I SEEN THAT MOVIE BEFORE.

SEE, I'VE BEEN ON THE FRONT ROW.

KELLY...

KELLY, DON'T GO IN THERE, KELLY.

KELLY, DON'T GO IN THERE.

KELLY, HE'S WAITING ON YOU.

HE'S GONNA GET YOU, KELLY.

DON'T GO IN THERE.

HE'S GONNA GET YOU! OH!

DAMN, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE GONE IN THERE.

OKAY, I'M TELLING YA,

DON'T NOBODY SURVIVE THE SEQUEL:

LIGHT SKIN ON ELM STREET.

- MM-HMM. - MM-HMM.

- ALL RIGHT.

- OW! GIRL, THAT'S HOT!

- I KNOW.

- OH, THERE HE IS.

MY BOY "M" DIGGITY DUBS-- MALIK WRIGHT IN THE HOUSE.

- YEAH, DO ME A FAVOR.

DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN, OKAY?

- I WAS TRYING SOMETHING NEW.

- WELL, IT DIDN'T WORK.

- UGH, WHAT'S UP YOUR ASS?

- BLUE TOLD ME WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

BETWEEN YOU TWO, KEIRA.

YOU HOODWINKED THE DUDE.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- I'M TALKING ABOUT

YOU NOT TELLING HIM YOU WERE A VIRGIN

BEFORE YOU LET HIM HIT IT.

THAT'S AGAINST THE GUY CODE.

- WOW. SO YOU'RE REALLY IN THIS.

'CAUSE THIS IS THE SECOND TALK THIS WEEK

WE HAD ABOUT MY VIRGINITY.

ISN'T IT AGAINST CODE FOR TWO GROWN-ASS MEN

TO BE TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE'S VIRGINITY?

- I DON'T KNOW.

VIRGINITY IS A TOPIC THAT MOST GROWN-ASS MEN AVOID.

AND THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU.

MOST GROWN-ASS MEN DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT MESS.

- WHY?

- BECAUSE IF YOU BAG A VIRGIN,

YOU'RE ON LOCKDOWN.

YOU'RE COMMITTED.

YOU'RE WIFED UP.

YOU'RE GETTING 20 CALLS A DAY.

IT'S A STAGE-FIVE CLINGER.

AND I SHOULD BE CELEBRATING THAT I HAVE ENOUGH SELF-RESPECT

TO HAVE HELD ON TO MY VIRGINITY FOR AS LONG AS I DID.

I AM THE PRIZE.

HE'S THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.

- NOT ANYMORE.

NOT SINCE HE GOT RID OF YOUR SHADY BUTT.

- EW, THIS IS SO TYPICAL.

OF COURSE YOU'RE GONNA TAKE BLUE'S SIDE,

'CAUSE ALL MEN ARE DOGS WHO STICK TOGETHER

AND NEVER BETRAY THE PACK.

- I AM NOT A DOG. OKAY?

I'M JUST A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN YOU,

AND I'VE LIVED LIFE A BIT.

YOU NEED TO TAKE A LONG, HARD LOOK IN THE MIRROR

AND REALIZE THAT YOU DID BLUE DIRTY.

IT'S NOT ALL HIS FAULT, KEIRA.

THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

YO. YOU, YOU, COME ON.

AND YOUR ASSES BETTER NOT BE VIRGINS.

- BABY, I'M SO SO--

SORRY I'M LATE.

WHAT YOU DOING?

- THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION, CHARDONNAY.

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED IT.

I'M SITTING HERE TWO HOURS PAST THE TIME

YOU TOLD ME YOU'D BE HOME, TRYING TO IMAGINE

WHAT A DELICIOUS MEAL WOULD TASTE LIKE

IF MY WIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN HOME IN TIME TO MAKE IT.

- [scoffs] GOD.

- MM. NEEDS SALT.

NEEDS A LITTLE SALT.

- BABY, ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I MEAN, SO YOU JUST SPENT ALL OF THIS TIME

CONSTRUCTING THIS ELABORATE SETUP

JUST TO PROVE A POINT,

WHEN YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN YOUR ASS TO CHIPOTLE

IN HALF THE TIME?

- I'M SORRY.

I'M A $1-MILLION ATHLETE

WHO JUST PUT IN A FULL DAY OF WORK.

YOU EXPECT ME TO COME HOME AND EAT A $7 TAQUITO FOR DINNER?

- NOW, FIRST OF ALL, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT CHIPOTLE

DOES NOT SERVE TAQUITOS,

BUT I'M SURE IF THEY DID, IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS.

AND, SECOND-- COME ON, BABY.

I NEED YOU TO CUT ME SOME SLACK.

THINGS ARE CRAZY AT SPADONNAY.

- OH-HO.

SPADONNAY.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I BOUGHT YOUR LITTLE HOBBY FOR YOU,

I THOUGHT WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING

THAT IT WASN'T GONNA INTERFERE

WITH YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES HERE AT HOME.

I MEAN, YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WAS ALL "RAH-RAH"

ABOUT ME PLAYING FOOTBALL AGAIN, RIGHT, OKAY?

WELL, I'M A FOOTBALL PLAYER.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS NEED FOOD WITH SALT.

YOU'RE MY WIFE. YOU NEED TO MAKE IT.

WITH SALT.

IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED,

MY TASTE BUDS ARE COMPLETELY SHOT.

I NEED A LOT OF SEASONING.

- WELL, BABE,

MY WORKLOAD SHOULD NOT PREVENT YOU FROM EATING.

I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, YOU ARE A GROWN-ASS MAN

THAT CAN PICK UP THE PHONE AND ORDER FOOD

AND OPERATE A VEHICLE.

SUSTENANCE IS JUST A SPEED-DIAL

AND 30 MINUTES OR LESS AWAY.

- WELL, SO ARE A COOK AND A HOUSEKEEPER,

BUT IF I HIRE THEM, WHAT DO I NEED YOU FOR?

- WELL, HOW ABOUT COMIC RELIEF?

'CAUSE I HAD TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

IF I MARRIED YOUR ASS.

- OKAY, I'M JUST GONNA WASH THIS DOWN

WITH A NICE, COLD GLASS OF NOTHING.

- GREAT.

- AAH.

REFRESHING.

OH, OH, OH.

AND IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING WHAT MY IMAGINARY MEAL WAS,

IT WAS A THICK, JUICY,

DAY-OLD, HALF-PRICED PORTERHOUSE STEAK,

EXTRA SALT.

- [groans] WHERE IS MALIK?

I'M TIRED OF STANDING AROUND THE BAR LOOKING LIKE HOOKERS.

LET'S GO STAND OUT FRONT.

- BUMP MALIK, OKAY?

HE'S A SIDE-BUSTER.

HE TOOK BLUE'S SIDE IN VIRGINGATE 2013.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

- HELL, YEAH, I CAN BELIEVE IT.

LYING TO BLUE ABOUT BEING A NEWBIE?

YOU'RE LUCKY HE DIDN'T SUE YOU.

HE IS A PRO FOOTBALL PLAYER.

- OH, YOU WEAR LESS CLOTHES AND MAKE LESS SENSE EVERY DAY.

- LESS IS THE NEW MORE.

- NO, IT'S NOT.

AND I DIDN'T LIE.

I JUST DIDN'T TELL HIM THE ENTIRE TRUTH.

- JUST STOP BEING YOUR TYPICAL STUBBORN SELF.

YOU LIED, AND THAT'S THAT.

NOW CALL MALIK AND APOLOGIZE

SO HE CAN COME DOWN HERE AND BUY US SOME BOTTLES,

BECAUSE I AM THIRSTY.

OH, AND TELL HIM NOT TO BRING TEE TEE

BECAUSE HE SMELLS LIKE CHICKEN GREASE AND MUCUS.

FINALLY.

- I'M NOT CALLING MALIK.

I'M CALLING BLUE.

- OH, THE DOUBLE BACK.

- NEVER THAT.

AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF YOU AND MALIK.

I'M JUST GONNA LET HIM KNOW THAT WE'RE GOOD

AND, YOU KNOW, CLEAR UP ANY CONFUSION,

WHICH I DON'T THINK THAT THERE IS,

BUT JUST IN CASE, BECAUSE I'M MATURE LIKE THAT.

- WHATEVER.

OH, I THINK IT'S TIME

FOR NINA "DESPERATELY NEEDING A SUGAR DADDY

"BECAUSE HER ACTING/MODELING/SINGING CAREER

IS NOT AS PROMISING AS SHE ONCE HOPED" SMITH

TO FIND HERSELF A MAN.

- YOUR NICKNAME GAME IS HORRIBLE.

HEY, STRANGER, IT'S ME, KEIRA.

LONG TIME NO TALK, I KNOW.

I JUST THOUGHT THAT I'D REACH OUT TO YOU--

RANDOM, I KNOW.

ANYWAY, YOU KNOW, I JUST FIGURED THAT

WE CAN TALK AND, LIKE, CLEAR SOME THINGS UP.

UM, OR NOT. IT'S UP TO YOU.

NO PRESSURE.

OKAY, HAVE A GOOD DAY.

HOLLER AT YOUR GIRL. BYE.

AH...

[laughter]

- SO HOW'D IT GO?

- NO ANSWER, BUT IT'S ALL GOOD.

IF HE CALLS ME, COOL.

IF NOT...

both: WHATEVS!

- THERE WE GO!

- ♪ WHY YOU GOT THAT ATTITUDE

♪ SHOW ME SOME GRATITUDE

- OH, SO YOU CAN'T CALL NOBODY BACK?

[laughs] I'M JUST KIDDING.

I'M JUST KIDDING.

YEAH, SO ANYWAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CALL ME BACK.

I JUST WANT TO TALK, YOU KNOW?

UNLESS YOU DON'T WANT TO, WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, NO BIGGIE.

I'M GROWN, YOU KNOW?

I'M AN ADULT.

BUT ANYWAY, CALL ME BACK.

IF YOU WANT TO.

ALL RIGHT? OKAY.

OKAY.

- ♪ MAYBE THEY AIN'T FEELING ME ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THEY DON'T COMPREHEND ME ♪

♪ OR 'CAUSE I DON'T ADHERE TO THE ADVICE ♪

[laughter and chatter]

- BLUE, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE DON'T NEED TO TALK, OKAY?

AND IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S ME.

I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT LITTLE LAST MESSAGE I LEFT YOU,

AND I THINK YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

IT'S NEVER GONNA WORK.

I HOPE YOU AND WHOEVER YOU END UP WITH ARE HAPPY.

PROBABLY SOME LITTLE POLYNESIAN

'CAUSE YOU REEK OF ONE OF THEM DUDES--

"OH, LOOK AT ME. MY NAME IS BLUE.

I MARRIED AN EXOTIC GIRL."

FORGET YOU.

ANYWAY, PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU.

- ♪ HE CONTROLS ME ON THE DANCE FLOOR ♪

♪ I'LL BE GROOVIN' AND GROOVIN' ♪

- YO, IT'S LATE AS HELL, AND YOU CAN'T CALL NOBODY BACK?

EH?

DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

I AM THAT GIRL

FROM THAT TV SHOW FROM BACK IN THE DAY

WITH THAT FAMILY OF PEOPLE.

AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

YOU ARE THE GUY THAT SHOULD JUST LOSE MY NUMBER.

EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I CALLED YOU, BUT SO?

AND YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN.

BLUE, OPEN UP.

BLUE, I KNOW YOU HEAR ME.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT...

MRS. "I DON'T EVER CLEAN UP

AFTER MY LITTLE UGLY-ASS CHIHUAHUA"?

I'M TALKING TO YOU.

OOH, YES, YOU.

WE KNOW IT'S YOU.

WE ALL KNOW IT'S YOU.

BLUE!

- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

- [vomits]

I'M OKAY. HEH...

[thud]

- CHARDONNAY. CHARDONNAY.

- TASHA, WE ARE CLOSED.

AND PLUS, I GOT TO GET HOME AND GET DINNER STARTED.

- LOOK, JASON'S DINNER CAN WAIT.

OPEN UP.

GIRL, LOOK AT ME.

IT'S COMING OUT BY THE HANDFULS.

LOOK, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'MA BE BALD BY 36.

- PLEASE, GIRL, NOW, WE BOTH KNOW YOU WAY PAST 36.

AND YOUR BALDING DON'T COME FROM YOUR AGE.

FIRST, YOU GET HIVES.

NOW YOUR HAIR IS FALLING OUT.

YOUR BODY'S PUNISHING YOU FOR ALL YOUR DIRTY DEEDS.

- OKAY, YOU RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S MY GUILT.

OKAY, AND IT'S EATING ME ALIVE FROM THE INSIDE.

- AW, TASHA, YOU DON'T GOT TO GO THROUGH THIS, GIRL.

I FORGIVE YOU.

- TRICK, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

THIS IS ABOUT ME AND POOKIE.

GIRL, I FEEL HORRIBLE, YOU KNOW,

JUST CHEATING ON THAT MAN THE WAY THAT I DID.

GIRL, I'M ITCHY.

HAIR ALL FALLING OUT.

LAST NIGHT, I PEED THE BED.

YOU KNOW, THANK GOD RICK IS INTO THAT.

UH, SEE?

- WELL, LOOK, AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU, TASHA,

I REALLY GOT TO TAKE CARE

OF SOME RESPONSIBILITIES AT HOME.

- WHAT ABOUT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ME?

AS A FRIEND.

ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS ARE GONE.

KELLY-- WELL, SHE GOT RAN OFF BY JASON.

AND THEN MELANIE, WHAT--

SHE RAN OFF WITH THAT JOHN HOPKINS.

[crying] I'M MELTING.

- OKAY, TASHA.

WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO DO?

- OKAY, NOT MUCH.

I JUST NEED A TRACK HERE, A TRACK THERE, ALL RIGHT?

SHOULDN'T TAKE LONG, GIRL.

AN HOUR-- SEVEN TOPS.

- SEVEN TOPS?

- MM-HMM.

GO GET SOME WINE.

I SWEAR, I AIN'T NEVER BEEN THIS DAMN STRESSED.

- [vomiting]

- MM, GOD...

WHAT DID YOU DRINK?

- WHAT DIDN'T I DRINK?

[sobs]

[vomits]

I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR TRASH CAN.

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE TRASH CAN.

I CAN GET A NEW ONE.

- [vomits]

- AND A NEW RUG.

AND JEANS.

POTTED PLANT.

HEY, A WASABI NUT.

DID YOU GO TO DROPBAR?

- [vomits]

- [sighs]

TASHA, CAN WE PLEASE FINISH THIS TOMORROW?

GIRL, I HAVE BEEN UP SINCE 6:00.

I REALLY GOT TO GO HOME.

- OKAY, AND I'VE BEEN UP SINCE 5:30

CHANGING PEE-PEE SHEETS, ALL RIGHT?

WE ALL HAD A HARD DAY, CHARDONNAY.

[bell chimes]

- JASON, WHAT YOU--

- DOING HERE?

WELL...

I WAS SITTING AT HOME,

WAITING AT THE DINING ROOM TABLE

FOR THE LAST, OOH, 2 1/2 HOURS,

AND I WAS THINKING TO MYSELF,

"THERE IS NO WAY THAT CHARDONNAY

"COULD HAVE MISTAKEN OUR DISCUSSION THE OTHER NIGHT

"FOR A SUGGESTION, NOT AFTER I MADE MYSELF CLEAR,

"NOT AFTER I LEFT HER A BINDER

"FILLED WITH ACCEPTABLE DINNER OPTIONS

AND A COUPON FOR SALT."

- WELL, WELL, WELL...

- OHH!

MEDUSA.

- POWDER.

[blows]

- WHAT IS THAT DOING HERE?

DIDN'T I FORBID YOU FROM INTERACTING WITH HER?

- OH, LOOK AT YOU, JASON.

OH, SO YOU FORBIDDING PEOPLE NOW, HUH?

WHO THE HELL SHE LOOK LIKE TO YOU?

KELLY PITTS?

- SHE LOOKS LIKE A MARRIED WOMAN, TASHA,

SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULDN'T NOR WILL YOU EVER KNOW

ANYTHING ABOUT BEING.

- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, I NEED TO KNOCK YOUR ASS

BACK TO THE YEAR WHEN YOU WAS A GOOD FOOTBALL PLAYER.

- OH, YOU MEAN BACK WHEN YOU HAD A UTERUS, YOU SHE-DEVIL?

- OH, I GOT YOUR UTERUS, YEAH, DEMON!

- SHUT UP!

I'M SICK OF BOTH OF Y'ALL OLD ASSES.

- HEY, DON'T PUT ME IN THE SAME AGE GROUP AS HER.

- YOU WISH.

- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THE ONLY PERSON THAT SPEAKS FOR CHARDONNAY

IS CHARDONNAY.

AND HERE SHE GO.

EVER SINCE YOU GOT BACK TO PLAYING FOOTBALL,

YOU HAVE BEEN A JERK.

- MM-HMM.

- UM, HELLO, THAT'S FOOTBALL JASON.

FOOTBALL JASON IS A JERK. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

- WELL, FOOTBALL JASON

IS GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH WORKING CHARDONNAY.

WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER,

I MADE IT VERY CLEAR THAT I WAS GONNA HAVE A CAREER.

AND YOU THE ONLY ONE WHO'S FLIP-FLOPPED

ON THAT ARRANGEMENT.

SO GOING FORWARD, WE GONNA HAVE TO WORK OUT

SOME TYPE OF COMPROMISE WHERE I CAN WORK

AND PERFORM MY WIFELY DUTIES.

- WHAT IF FOOTBALL JASON DOESN'T WANT TO COMPROMISE?

- WELL, THEN YOU GONNA BE A TWICE-DIVORCED JASON.

- HA!

- AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE OFF THE RIP.

I'M A GROWN-ASS WOMAN, HONEY.

AND I CAN BE FRIENDS

WITH WHOEVER I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH.

- THAT'S RIGHT, GIRL. YOU BETTER TELL IT.

- AND YOU! - ME?

- YOUR WALKING DEADASS ALWAYS GIVING ADVICE ON MEN

BUT COULDN'T KEEP ONE IF HE WAS CHAINED TO YOU ON AMISTAD.

- [laughs] THAT WAS--

- SHUT UP!

- WELL, HELL, I CAN KEEP HIM IF HE CHAINED DOWN.

HE CAN'T GET AWAY.

- YOU GOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESERVED.

COULDN'T DECIDE BETWEEN TWO MEN YOU LOVED,

SO YOU STRUNG 'EM ALONG UNTIL SOMEBODY ELSE

MADE THE DECISION FOR YOU.

AND THAT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF JASON,

WAS BECAUSE OF ME, 'CAUSE I TOLD HIM.

- WHAT?

- SO YOU CAN THANK ME

BY STAYING THE HELL UP OUT MY DAMN MARRIAGE.

OH, YES. CHARDONNAY GOT THIS.

I'M NOT YOUR DAMN SIDEKICK,

AND I'M NOT YOUR WHIPPING BOY,

AND I'M NOBODY'S KELLY PITTS!

I'M CHARDO... [snapping]

NNAY!

OKAY? HEAR ME.

NOW YOU TWO LOCK UP.

NOW I'M OUT.

GIVE ME THIS DAMN NAPKIN.

- MM.

- I LOVE YOU.

- SHUT UP!

- I GUESS SHE TOLD YOUR ASS.

- SO, WHAT, YOU JUST GONNA COMB THAT OVER?

- [laughs]

GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE.

- WHY WAS I IN YOUR BED PRACTICALLY NAKED?

DID WE...

- OH, NO, DON'T WORRY.

YOU THREW UP ON YOUR CLOTHES,

AND I SLEPT ON THE COUCH.

- OHH. JEEZ.

- HERE.

HANGOVER FOOD.

IT HAPPENS TO THE BEST OF US.

I PUT YOUR UNDERWEAR IN THE WASHING MACHINE,

BY THE WAY.

- [scoffs] THAT'S ME.

KEIRA "MAKING ALL THE WRONG MOVES

AND THROWING UP ON HERSELF WITHOUT PANTIES" WHITAKER.

OH, NINA GAVE ME THAT NICKNAME.

- HMM, WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU,

I'M A PRETTY FORGIVING GUY, WHO MAKES A MEAN BURGER

AND CLEANS UP VOMIT OFF THE FLOOR...

AND THE RUG, MY JEANS, POTTED PLANT.

I'M SORRY.

I KNOW I ALREADY DID THE LIST THING,

BUT YOU WERE PRETTY DISGUSTING LAST NIGHT.

- I'M SORRY.

I REALLY OWE YOU.

- JUST TACK IT ON TO THAT $75 GRAND.

- UM... I MAILED YOU A CHECK.

YOU DIDN'T-- YOU DIDN'T GET IT?

- UH, NO, BUT MAYBE THE MAIL FROM YOUR CONDO TO MINE

IS RUNNING A LITTLE SLOW.

- YEAH. - YEAH.

- THAT'S IT.

YUP.

- PERHAPS WE SHOULD STAY IN CONTACT

UNTIL THE PACKAGE COMES.

- OH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "STAY IN CONTACT"?

LIKE, HANG OUT?

- WELL, I MEAN, I KNOW YOU'RE THAT GIRL

FROM TV FROM BACK IN THE DAY

FROM THAT SHOW WITH THAT FAMILY.

- SHUT UP.

I KNEW YOUR PUNK ASS GOT MY MESSAGES TOO.

BUT IT'S COOL. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I THINK IT'D BE NICE FOR US TO HANG OUT.

SO, UM, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE FRIES?

- YEAH, I KNOW HOW TO MAKE FRIES.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE?

- RESERVATIONS.

- [snorts]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0