Original subtitles

- BOO.

OH, GOD, DON'T LOOK AT ME. I PROBABLY LOOK AWFUL.

- MM. MM-MM. AWFULLY SEXY.

- AWFULLY CORNY BUT SWEET.

- ♪ I BET YOU'RE WONDERING

♪ WHAT IS GOING ON HERE

- THAT WAS NICE. - MM-HMM.

WHY DO YOU TASTE MINTY?

- OH, I GOT UP AND GARGLED.

I MEAN, YOU DIDN'T THINK I WAS JUST GONNA WAKE UP

AND KISS SOMEBODY WITH A STINK MOUTH?

- OH, GOD.

- [chuckles]

YOU KNOW, I WASN'T GONNA SAY ANYTHING.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE NASTY LIKE THAT.

I DIDN'T KNOW. - [gargles]

[spits] - YOU ALL RIGHT?

ALL BETTER?

- I GUESS.

- SO, YOU, UH...

YOU SLEEP WITH ALL YOUR LEADING MEN?

- UH, NO. YOU WERE MY FIRST.

- GOOD.

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE A "HIT IT AND QUIT IT,"

JUST 'CAUSE WE DID IT.

- WE DID IT, HUH?

- YEAH, WE DID.

- ♪ WE DID IT - [laughs]

♪ YEAH, WE DID

- ♪ AND IT WAS GOOD

- ♪ HELL, YEAH, IT WAS

- ♪ AND WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT LAST ONE WAS A LITTLE PITCHY.

[laughs]

[aggressive rock music]

♪

- OH, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

- PRESENTING MADEMOISELLE KEIRA'S

LE PEANUT BUTTER AND ZE JELLY SANDWICH.

- OOH, A SURPRISE FROM A LADY WHO DOESN'T COOK.

- AND THAT IS NOT THE ONLY SURPRISE

I HAVE FOR YOU THIS MORNING.

- OH, YEAH?

- WELL, HOW IS IT?

- OH, THIS IS SO GOOD.

THIS PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY RATIO

MIGHT BE THE BEST I'VE EVER HAD.

WHAT'S THE SECRET?

- UH, I RAN OUT OF PEANUT BUTTER.

- MM.

TO BE YOUNG AND IRRESPONSIBLE.

- ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR SURPRISE?

- MM-HMM. YES, MA'AM.

- TA-DA!

- ARE WE ABOUT TO MAKE A SEX TAPE?

- NO, I WAS THINKING ABOUT WEARING THIS

TO YOUR GAME TOMORROW.

[smacks lips]

- SHOULDWE MAKE A SEX TAPE?

- YEAH, 'CAUSE NOTHING EVER GOES WRONG WITH THOSE.

- HEY, YO, WERE YOU A CHEERLEADER OR SOMETHING?

- NO, BUT I PLAYED ONE IN BRING IT ON SIX:

CHEERLEADING OR ABORTION.

I KNOW, THEY WENT REALLY DARK FOR THAT ONE.

- IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY JUST GAVE UP.

- HEY! - OH! [chuckles]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

SO DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN YOUR CLOSET

THAT ISN'T GONNA MAKE ME SUCK TOMORROW OUT ON THE FIELD?

- WHAT?

- LOOK, KEIRA, IF I PLAY HOW I BEEN PRACTICING,

TOMORROW'S GONNA BE THE FIRST AND LAST TIME

YOU SEE ME PLAY AS A PRO.

- WELL, ISN'T IT A PRESEASON GAME?

- YES.

- YEAH, AND THOSE DON'T COUNT, RIGHT?

- WHAT? NO, EVERY GAME COUNTS.

- SAYS WHO? - SAYS THE COLONEL.

"EVERY GAME COUNTS."

IT'S ACTUALLY HIS CATCHPHRASE,

THAT AND, "WASH YOUR HANDS, SON."

- YOUR HANDS ARE KIND OF FILTHY.

- BUT THAT'S YOUR FAULT.

- UGH, YOU'RE GROSS!

LOOK, EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE UP UNTIL THIS POINT

HAS BEEN A DRESS REHEARSAL, OKAY?

AND TOMORROW, WHEN YOU TAKE CENTER STAGE AND YOU SHINE,

ALL ELSE WILL BE FORGOTTEN,

AND EVERYONE WILL REMEMBER WHY YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE.

- TASHA, GIRL, YOU'RE AN INSPIRATION.

MY MOTHER SWEARS SHE TOO OLD TO FIND LOVE.

- LOOK HERE, LITTLE BOOTLEG NICKI MINAJ.

YES.

NOW, I WANT YOU TO TELL ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS--

I'M TELLING YOU, THE MINUTE THAT YOU STOP

SEARCHING FOR LOVE, THAT'S WHEN LOVE GONNA FIND YOU.

OKAY?

THAT'S HOW RIHANNA FOUND CHRIS BROWN AGAIN.

- [scoffs]

- EXCUSE ME, LADIES.

ARE YOU OVER HERE WITH YOUR LIPS PURSED AT ME?

- WELL, IF THE PURSED LIPS FIT.

YOU GONNA BE SHOWING OFF YOUR ENGAGEMENT TO POOKIE

WHEN RICK FOX THINKS THAT YOU HISGIRLFRIEND?

- LOOK, OKAY, FOR THE FIRST TIME,

TASHA MACK HAS TWO MEN THAT LOVE HER.

TWO GOOD MEN, OKAY?

AND I AIN'T READY TO GIVE UP NEITHER ONE OF 'EM.

- SO YOU DON'T HAVE NO REAL PLAN, DO YOU?

- YES, I DO.

I MEAN, I DID.

LOOK, I JUST FIGURE THAT EVENTUALLY

ONE OF THEM WOULD LEAVE ME FOR ATTITUDINAL REASONS

OR DIE OF SICKNESS.

OKAY, UNTIL THEN, I'M JUST GONNA RIDE THIS LITTLE LOVE TRAIN

TILL THE WHEELS FALL OFF!

AND THEN, YOU KNOW, POOKIE, HE JUST WANT TO UP THE STAKES

WITH THIS WHOLE ENGAGEMENT THING, SO..

LOOK, I GOT A COUPLE OF DAYS WHILE THEY BOTH OUT OF TOWN,

AND, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

- YOU ARE RIDICULOUS AND SELFISH.

AND IF YOU DON'T STOP, THIS WHOLE THING

GONNA BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE.

- NO, NO, NO, WHAT'S RIDICULOUS IS ME TAKING RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

FROM A WOMAN WHO GOT MARRIED AS A JOKE!

YEAH, AND TO JASON PITTS, NO LESS.

OKAY, SO I GUESS THE REAL JOKE IS ON YOU, BOO BOO.

[laughs]

- WHATEVER. - MM-HMM.

- HEY, I DIDN'T MISS THE KICKOFF, DID I?

- NO. PERFECT TIMING.

SO DID YOU GET THE PART?

- OH, I HAVEN'T HEARD YET. - AW.

- DO I LOOK DIFFERENT?

- DID YOU GET NEW EXTENSIONS?

- I MEAN...

DO I LOOK LIKE A WOMAN?

- [gasps] YOU HAD SEX!

OH, GIRL, SO YOU DID GET THE PART.

CONGRATULATIONS. YES, GIRL!

- NO, I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH THE DIRECTOR.

- OH.

OH. OH! I GOT IT.

- BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE.

- YOU KNOW I AIN'T GONNA TELL NOBODY, ESPECIALLY--

- HEY.

YOU LOOK DIFFERENT.

- UM, I GOT NEW EXTENSIONS.

- OH, NO, IT AIN'T THAT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT SPREAD ON YOUR HIPS.

DID YOU HAVE SEX?

- SHH! - YOU SHH!

- DID YOU GET ENGAGED?

- LOOK, NORMALLY I DON'T LET YOU

ANSWER A QUESTION WITH A QUESTION, BUT YES.

- WOW. CONGRATULATIONS.

- OH, YES! [laughs]

- AND THERE'S THE KICKOFF.

AN IMPRESSIVE SABERS RETURN PUTS THEM NEAR MIDFIELD.

THE SABERS OFFENSE TAKE THE FIELD

ON THEIR OWN 45-YARD LINE.

OH, FOLKS, A PART OF THE PACK IS BRYCE WESTBROOK,

A.K.A. "THE BLUEPRINT," A.K.A. "THE MESSIAH."

TIME SO SEE IF HE LIVES UP TO THE HYPE.

- HE ALREADY DID.

- OOH! SHH. - GO, BLUE!

- THAT'S YOUR BABY.

- WRIGHT DROPS BACK IN THE POCKET,

LOOKS LEFT, THEN RIGHT.

HE'S GOT BLUE DEEP DOWN THE SIDELINE AT THE 30.

WRIGHT THROWS DEEP, ONE MAN TO BEAT.

OH, MY GOD, WHAT A CATCH FROM THE ROOKIE BLUE!

TOUCHDOWN SABERS!

[all cheer]

- DID YOU SEE HIM? - YOU KNOW I SAW HIM.

- OKAY, SEE, THAT'S SABER FOOTBALL!

IT DON'T GET NO BETTER THAN THIS!

[whistles]

- YEAH, IT DOES.

SURPRISE.

WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING HERE?

- SURPRISING YOU.

- YEAH, BUT YOU ALWAYS SURPRISING SOMEBODY.

I NEED TO PUT A BELL AROUND YOUR NECK, GREEN MILE.

[laughter]

- WELL, I JUST GOT ON THE FIRST PLANE I COULD

AFTER YOU TOLD ME ALL THAT MESSINESS

WITH THAT GUY WAS DONE.

SORRY, I JUST CAN'T CALL A GROWN MAN "POOKIE."

- LOOK, WELL, YOU CAN'T JUST STAND THERE.

CAN'T NOBODY SEE BEHIND YOUR BIG ASS.

LOOK, THERE'S AN EMPTY SEAT RIGHT OVER THERE.

GO AND SIT IN THE CORNER, OKAY? WE CATCH UP AFTER THE GAME.

- UH, RICK FOX, YOU CAN SIT HERE.

WE CAN SLIDE DOWN SO YOU CAN BE NEXT TO YOUR GIRL.

- YEAH, HIS GIRL, ISN'T SHE?

- NO, SHE MEAN HOMEGIRL.

YOU KNOW, WE LIKE THAT OLD-SCHOOL SLANG.

YOU KNOW, LIKE "RAISE THE ROOF." [laughs]

HOLLER! WORD UP.

[laughs]

- OH. THANK YOU, LADIES.

- OH, LOOK AT YOU ALL UP IN HERE, RICK.

IS THIS A CONGRATULATIONS VISIT?

- CONGRATULATIONS?

- CONGRATULATIONS ON ME BECOMING SUNBEAM PRESIDENT.

YOU KNOW, I JUST "RASSLED" IT FROM HER ASS.

YOU KNOW WHAT HER PLATFORM WAS?

IT WAS GUMMI BEARS AND HIP-HOP.

- [laughs] OH, YEAH.

OH, AND SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.

- MY LOSS? I DIDN'T LOSE NOTHIN'.

WHAT YOU NEED TO BE WORRIED ABOUT--

- RICK, THERE IS NO LOSS, OKAY?

I'M SURE THAT WHITE GIRL WEARING JUVON'S JERSEY

IS JUST MERELY A COINCIDENCE.

- [laughs]

EXCUSE ME, Y'ALL.

UM, YOU, WHITE GIRL...

- WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

- RACISM.

JUST UGLY-ASS RACISM.

YOU KNOW, WHY AM I EVEN WATCHING THIS PRESEASON GAME?

IT DON'T EVEN COUNT.

LOOK, BABY, WHY DON'T WE JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND CATCH UP?

- NO, EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT THIS GUY BLUE.

I WANT TO SEE HIM PLAY.

- I'LL GIVE YOU A TREAT IN THE CAR.

- LADIES, IT WAS NICE SEEING YOU.

- OH, LOOK, YOU GUYS ARE ON THE KISS CAM.

- OH, YEAH.

- OH, CHECK IT OUT. OH, YEAH.

- WHO'S THAT WE'RE SPOTTING ON THE KISS CAM?

- WHERE IS MY PURSE? I CAN'T FIND MY PURSE.

- DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU LEFT IT IN THE CAR?

- THAT IS ONE SEXY MAN.

- OOH, THERE IT IS. all: KISS! KISS! KISS!

- I THINK HE ACTUALLY MIGHT BE SLIGHTLY SEXIER

THAN THE WOMAN HE'S SEATED NEXT TO.

OH, MY, THAT LOOKS LIKE THE NEWLYWED,

MRS. JASON PITTS.

TALK ABOUT AN AWKWARD MOMENT.

[team cheering]

- YEAH! YEAH, I TOLD Y'ALL!

WHAT THE--LOOK WHAT WE DID!

[indistinct chatter]

WE KILLED IT OUT THERE!

- I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE GONNA SUIT UP, DOG.

- I WAS GONNA, BUT I TOLD COACH

I HAD A LITTLE TICKLE IN MY THROAT.

I THINK IT MIGHT BE MONO.

WHAT I DIDN'T TELL THE COACH...

PROBABLY FROM HIS WIFE.

- YOU A NASTY DOG, BOY.

[laughs]

- YO, BLUE! TWO TDs?

- TWO TDs, MAN. - WHAT CAN I SAY AGAIN?

- BLUE.

- I GUESS I FOUND MY GAME, FELLAS.

- HA, STEROIDS!

- HIP-HIP-HOORAY!

- WASN'T THAT GOOD STUFF.

IT WAS THE OTHER GOOD STUFF, RIGHT?

I MEAN, YOU WAS REAL RELAXED OUT THERE.

YOU WERE SUPER-LIGHT ON YOUR FEET, MAN,

HAD TWO TWINKLES IN EACH EYE.

I MEAN, YOU HAD A GREEK ORGY, DIDN'T YOU?

- THAT'S DISGUSTING, MAN. - WHATEVER.

THE GREEKS KNOW HOW TO PARTY.

- HEY, WELL, IF THAT'S THE TRICK,

YOUR ASS IS ON A DAILY DRIP OF VITAMIN COOCH, MY MAN,

'CAUSE YOU WAS KILLIN' 'EM.

- OH, COME ON, ROOKIE. OUT WITH IT.

WE WANT DETAILS. - LOOK, FELLAS, FELLAS.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO MY BEST TO BE A GENTLEMAN,

AND A GENTLEMAN NEVER TELLS.

- OKAY, WELL, WE TRY OUR BEST TO KEEP IT FILTHY,

SO GIVE US A LITTLE SOMETHING TO ROLL AROUND IN.

- YO, JASON, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE, MAN?

- FRIGGIN' LOOK AT MY FACE.

DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE?

- WHOA, WHOA, MY FAULT, OLD YELLER.

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ROOKIE.

HE JUST MAD 'CAUSE HIS WIFE GOT CAUGHT

ON THE JUMBOTRON DOING THE PITTSY SHUFFLE

WITH RICK FOX!

[laughter]

HEY, HEY, FELLAS, THIS IS AN AGE-OLD STORY, OKAY?

WORKING-CLASS GIRL MEETS A PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL PLAYER,

GETS A TASTE OF THE GOOD LIFE, THEN WHAT?

SHOOTS HER WAY OVER TO A BASKETBALL PLAYER

AND THEN SLIDES HER WAY OVER TO WHO?

A BASEBALL PLAYER. AND THEN WHAT?

ICE-SKATES HER WAY TO HOCKEY, BABY, BEFORE SHE BECOMES WHO?

CHARDONNAY PITTS-FOX-LASORDA-GRETZKY!

[laughter]

HEY, SHE DIPPED...

- all: ♪ AND DIPPED AND DIPPED AND DIPPED ♪

♪ AND DIPPED WITH RICK, WITH RICK ♪

♪ WITH RICK, WITH RICK, WITH RICK ♪

[laughter]

- WE LOVE YOU, PITTSY!

- HEY, YO, DON'T THINK I FORGOT.

BACK TO YOU. - YEAH, MAN, COME ON.

TELL US ABOUT KEIRA.

I NEVER BEEN WITH A BLACK GIRL BEFORE.

I HEAR GOOD THINGS.

- AND YOU NEVER WILL BE, SO SHUT UP.

YO, SO...

WHAT YOU SAYIN', ROOKIE?

YOU TRYING TO SAY YOU SMASHED KEIRA?

- KEIRA WHITAKER? AND WHY WASN'T I INVITED?

- FELLAS, IF IT WAS ANYBODY ELSE, MAYBE,

BUT KEIRA'S OFF-LIMITS, ALL RIGHT?

- KEIRA'S OFF-LIMITS. YO, HOLD UP, DOG.

- LOOK, MALIK, NOTHING Y'ALL NEED TO WORRY ABOUT.

- WE'RE NOT WORRIED.

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL GAMES

YOU TRYING TO PLAY BY MAKING PEOPLE THINK

THAT YOU SLEPT WITH KEIRA,

BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA MAKE YOU THE BIG MAN, OKAY?

NOBODY GIVES A DAMN THAT I SMASHED ROBIN GIVENS...

KATY PERRY, BEFORE SHE WAS MARRIED.

NICKI MINAJ, RIHANNA, J.LO, KATY PERRY

WHILESHE WAS MARRIED.

CONDOLEEZZA RICE.

- MALIK, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, ALL RIGHT?

- I'M SAYING I KNOW YOU DIDN'T SMASH KEIRA

BECAUSE SHE'S STILL A VIRGIN.

- I BEG YOUR PARDON?

L RIGHT, NOW,HERE YOU GO, BIG GUY.

NOW, YOU KNOW THEY SAY IF YOU MAKE A WISH

ON THE FIRST PRESEASON GAME BALL,

IT'LL COME TRUE.

BUT YOU SHOULD WISH FOR A NEW SHIRT,

NOT TO WALK OR NOTHIN', OKAY? [laughs]

ALL RIGHT, NOW, THANKS FOR COMING OUT, BUDDY.

YOU BE GOOD.

- BABY, OH, MY GOD.

YOU WERE CRAZY GOOD! MWAH!

MY FIRST WIN AS A FOOTBALL WIFE.

YES, WE GOT TO INSTAGRAM THIS, HONEY.

- NO, THANK YOU, MRS. PITTS-FOX-LASORDA-GRETZKY.

- WHAT?

- OH, I HEARD ABOUT YOU AND RICK ON THE KISS CAM.

- OH, YEAH, THAT WAS SUPER FUN.

MY SECOND FIRST.

BABY, IT WAS A KISS ON THE CHEEK.

WAIT, ARE YOU GETTING JEALOUS OVER CHARDONNAY?

- OKAY, YOU CAN SAVE THE THIRD-PERSON CUTESY-CUE.

FIRST YOU'RE HAVING A HEATED, PRIVATE CONVERSATION

WITH RICK ABOUT BASKETBALL,

AND THEN THE OTHER NIGHT, YOU'RE HAVING

A 42-MINUTE PHONE CONVERSATION WITH HIM ABOUT HIS HAIR.

AND NOW THIS?

- HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WAS ON THE PHONE?

- I CHECKED YOUR CALL LOG WHILE YOU WERE ON THE CRAPPER.

OH, AND BY THE WAY, 1234 IS AN AWFUL SECURITY CODE.

- WAIT A MINUTE, SO...

NOW YOU'RE GOING THROUGH MY STUFF?

I MEAN, BABY, DON'T YOU TRUST ME?

- NO, I DON'T TRUST YOU. I BARELY KNOW YOU.

ENOUGH'S ENOUGH.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU AND RICK?

- THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON WITH ME AND RICK.

- YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL ME.

FINE, I'LL FIND OUT FROM RICK WHILE I'M KICKING HIS ASS.

- OH, MY GOD.

[knocking on door]

- WELL, HELLO, SIR. PAPER OR PLASTIC?

- [laughs] NEITHER.

I USE SUSTAINABLES. YOU SHOULD TOO.

YOU KNOW, GLOBAL WARMING.

I TAKE IT YOU, UH--

YOU GOT THE PART?

YOU'RE A GROCERY STORE CLERK?

- WELL, THE CHARACTER'S NAME IS SHELLEY, AND YES.

SO I FIGURED WITH YOUR GREAT GAME

AND MY NEW ROLE, WE COULD HAVE A DOUBLE CELEBRATION.

- [laughs]

YO, BEFORE WE GET TO THAT,

YOUR BOY MALIK SAID THE CRAZIEST THING TODAY.

- [laughs] WHAT'S NEW?

- HE SAID YOU WERE A VIRGIN.

- NOT ANYMORE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "NOT ANYMORE"?

- YOU WERE THERE.

- YO, KEIRA, WAS I YOUR FIRST?

- YES.

- YO, HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?

- UH, WAS I SUPPOSED TO?

- YES, THAT'S SEXUAL ETIQUETTE.

"HI, MY NAME IS KEIRA. I'VE NEVER HAD SEX BEFORE.

PLEASE BE GENTLE WITH ME."

- WAIT, ARE YOU MAD?

- HELL YEAH, I'M MAD!

- I THOUGHT GUYS LOVED VIRGINS.

- YEAH, JUNIOR HIGH GUYS AND TERRORISTS.

- WELL, WHY ARE YOU TRIPPIN'?

IF MALIK HADN'T TOLD YOU, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN.

- YEAH, BUT HE DID TELL ME, AND I DO KNOW.

- WELL, IT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT

THAT WE HAD A GREAT TIME.

- WHOA, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT I HAD A GREAT TIME?

- "10:15. BLUE: I HAD A GREAT TIME."

SMILEY FACE, SMILEY FACE.

- OKAY, YO, MAYBE I HAD A GREAT TIME AT THE TIME,

BEFORE I KNEW WHAT THE RAMIFICATIONS WERE.

BUT NOW, AT THIS TIME, I'M NOT HAVING A GREAT TIME.

- WAIT, BACK UP. WHAT RAMIFICATIONS?

- ME...

BEING YOUR FIRST?

I MEAN, DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE KIND OF PRESSURE

THAT IS ON A DUDE?

I'M ALREADY UNDER ENOUGH PRESSURE WITH FOOTBALL.

I DON'T NEED ANYTHING EXTRA ON MY PLATE.

- SO NOW MY VIRGINITY IS A SIDE OF COLESLAW.

- NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU'RE A VIRGIN

BECAUSE THERE WAS NO BLOOD IN THE SHEETS.

- WELL, GO TAKE A SECOND LOOK.

- LOOK, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS THING

WITH YOU AND I IS GOING.

- WELL, LET ME STOP YOU WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD, OKAY?

BECAUSE AFTER THIS CONVERSATION, IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

- KEIRA, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS-- - NO!

YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE TO SPEAK. NOW IT IS MY TURN.

AFTER 25 YEARS, I SHARE WITH YOU

MY MOST CHERISHED AND PRIZED POSSESSION,

AND YOU TURN IT INTO SOMETHING UGLY AND SELF-CENTERED

AND ALL ABOUT YOU.

AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING

SINCE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF YOU, DOUCHE.

YOU PURSUED ME!

NOT TO MENTION, I OVERLOOKED THE FACT

THAT YOU SLEPT WITH MY HOMEGIRL...

WHO SAID YOU WEREN'T EVEN ALL THAT GREAT, SO...

- OH, REALLY? HUH. WELL, THAT'S FUNNY.

"3:52 A.M. CIARA: YOU WERE GREAT."

SMILEY FACE, SMILEY FACE. SEX FACE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING, KEEPING SOUVENIRS?

- YEAH, YOU WOULD TOO IF YOU WERE THERE.

- GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

- HOW 'BOUT I GET OUT OF YOUR LIFE?

- START WITH MY HOUSE! - YOU KNOW WHAT?

I JUST DODGED A BULLET. - DON'T TEMPT ME.

[mysterious pop music]

♪

- ♪ HE'S AN EXPERT

♪ IN THE ART OF WAR

♪ STUDIED ALL HIS STRATEGIES

♪ READ THE MAPS

♪ AND SAW THE PLANS

♪ IT'S LOOKING TO ME

♪ LIKE WORLD WAR III

♪ TELLS ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR

♪ JUST SO HE CAN

♪ GET CLOSE TO ME

♪ THOUGHT THAT I WAS

♪ IN HIS SCOPE

♪ BUT IT SEEMS HE'S LOOKING

♪ AT EVERYTHING

♪ IT'S A LAND WHERE YOU LIVE

♪ AND YOU DIE WITH YOUR PRIDE

♪ BUT IT'S ALL THAT YOU HAVE

♪ ONLY WAY YOU'LL SURVIVE

♪ AND YOU HIDE WHAT YOU KNOW

♪ JUST TO KEEP THEM ALIVE

♪ WHEN YOU LOVE

♪ BUT MY LOVE JUST DIED

- OH, RICK, RICK.

OKAY, BABY, WOULD YOU CALM DOWN?

OKAY, I'M GONNA BE THERE IN A MINUTE.

ALL I GOT TO DO IS JUST GRAB A FEW THINGS.

UH-UH. UH-UH.

LOOK, I AM NOT READY FOR US TO BE AT MY PLACE.

WHY?

WELL, BECAUSE THERE'S JUST TOO MANY REMINDERS OF POOKIE.

[rapid knocking on door]

UH, OKAY, RICK, LOOK, I GOT TO GO, OKAY?

HOUSEKEEPING HAS LOST THEIR DAMN MIND.

[banging on door]

ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA SEE YOU IN A BIT.

HEY! HEY!

WHAT'S GOING ON, JASON? - OH, HEY, TASHA.

SO I HEAR YOU'RE HAVING

SOME TRASHY AFFAIR WITH RICK FOX?

- SHH!

TASHA, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.

- I WISH YOUR MOTHER HAD.

LOOK, JASON, WHAT I DO IS MY BUSINESS.

- NO, NO, NO.

NO, YOU MADE IT MY BUSINESS

WHEN YOU DRAGGED MY WIFE INTO IT.

- OH, BEST BELIEVE I'M THROUGH WITH HER ASS NOW.

- TASHA, I WILL NOT ALLOW YOUR GHETTO ASS

TO RUIN THIS MARRIAGE

THE WAY YOU RUINED MY MARRIAGE WITH KELLY.

- WHAT? WAIT, I RUINED WHAT?

- [mock stammer] DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?

"KELLY, YOU NEED TO BE MORE INDEPENDENT, GIRL.

"KELLY, YOU NEED TO DO YOUR OWN THING, GIRL.

"KELLY, DON'T LISTEN TO THAT HIGH, YELLOW,

BIG-HEADED HALF-DEVIL, GIRL!"

- REALLY? YOU KNOW WHAT, JASON?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GONNA STAND UP HERE

WITH A STRAIGHT-ASS FACE, BLAMING ME

FOR THE CRAP OF A HUSBAND YOU WERE TO KELLY, OKAY?

SO I GUESS THAT HEAD AIN'T THE ONLY THING BIG ON YOU, IS IT?

- YOU KNOW, WHAT I HAD WITH KELLY, IT WASN'T PERFECT.

- MM-MM. - BUT IT WAS A MARRIAGE.

WE WERE A FAMILY. AND YOU DESTROYED THAT.

AND THE ONLY REASON I LET YOU GET AWAY

WITH WHAT YOU DID WAS BECAUSE

I KNEW YOU COULDN'T GRASP ANY OF THAT.

YOU COULDN'T WRAP YOUR SIMPLE HEAD

AROUND THAT, COULD YOU?

YOU'RE STILL JUST THIS SAD, BROKEN, TEENAGE GIRL

WITH AN ILLEGITIMATE BABY

WITH PETTY, GHETTO ASPIRATIONS OF BLING AND WHIPS.

YOU'RE PATHETIC. - JASON, STOP IT!

YOU HAVE SAID WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY.

LET'S GO HOME, PLEASE.

- SO YOU SURE YOU GOT A HOME WITH HIM, CHARDONNAY?

HMM?

'CAUSE I'M SKEPTICAL.

HE BUST INTO MY PLACE

SPOUTIN' OFF ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE.

BUT ALL I'M REALLY HEARING IS "KELLY, KELLY, KELLY."

- TASHA...

- WHEN YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HER ESCAPE PLAN WAS,

YOU JUST GIVE ME A RING.

- I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU WERE A DUDE,

I WOULD BEAT YOUR ASS!

- JASON! - BEAT MY ASS, THEN!

- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, HUH?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING, HUH?

- GET OFF OF HIM! GET OFF OF HIM!

- GET OFF OF ME, CHARDONNAY! WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?

- WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM WHAT'S GOING ON, TASHA?

- JASON, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS. - GO AHEAD.

- JASON, PLEASE.

- TELL ME WHAT?

- IF YOU DON'T TELL HIM, I WILL.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0