Original subtitles

- HEY, IT'S ME RICK...FOX.

SO LOOK, I CAN'T TO SEE YOU

AT MALIK'S INVESTMENT THING TONIGHT.

I'LL BRING MY CHECKBOOK.

YOU BE SURE TO BRING SOME CONDOMS.

OR DON'T.

[door clicks open]

[phone button beeps]

- LAST ONE. - MM.

- WE ARE OFFICIALLY BUNKMATES.

- MM! WELL, LOOK AT YOU.

LOOKIN' LIKE A LIVIN', BREATHIN', BOX-MOVIN' ADONIS.

[giggling]

- DAMN, BABY.

IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO UNPACK ALL THESE BOXES,

I WOULD ESCORT YOUR PRETTY ASS TO THE PARTY.

- [laughing]

- LOOK AT YOU.

YOU AIN'T GONNA GET INTO ANY TROUBLE WITHOUT ME, ARE YOU?

- UH--

[laughing] DO YOU KNOW WHAT?

I SWEAR, POOK.

YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU ARE A FOOL.

YOU ARE!

YOU'RE JUST A NATURAL-BORN NEGRO FOOL!

GIVE THIS GUN,

YOU LITTLE FOOLISH, GUN-TOTIN' NEGRO, YOU.

OH, HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU START WITH THIS BOX OF TOILETRIES INSTEAD?

[aggressive rock music]

♪

PLEASE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING OUT TONIGHT.

BUT TRUST ME, BY THE END OF THIS PRESENTATION,

YOU WILL BE THE ONES THANKING ME.

NOW, WHO HERE LIKES BREASTS?

- [coughing]

[laughing]

THAT'S BECAUSE BREASTS ARE OUT.

ASSES ARE THE NEW TIG OL' BITTIES.

COME ON, STAY WITH ME. I'M GOING SOMEWHERE.

TORI, MY LOVELY ASSISTANT...

WILL YOU PLEASE DO ME THE HONORS?

- OF COURSE.

- TWO WEEKS AGO,

I WAS AT THE BAR ENJOYING A DELICIOUS CHEESEBURGER,

WHEN A YOUNG LADY WITH A FAT ASS WALKED BY MY TABLE.

I WANTED SO BADLY TO GO AFTER THAT ASS.

BUT I HADN'T FINISHED MY BURGER YET.

NOW, I COULD NOT DECIDE

BETWEEN THE BEEF OR THE BOOTY.

SO I ASKED MYSELF, I SAID "SELF, WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO CHOOSE?"

MYSELF SAID, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE.

YOU'RE MALIK WRIGHT.

YOU CAN HAVE THEM BOTH AT THE SAME TIME."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I GIVE YOU MY BRAINCHILD,

MY BABY...

THE LAST TWO WEEK'S OF MY LIFE'S WORK.

- MM.

- THE PHATTY BURGER.

- OF COURSE YOU DON'T, JASON.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T HAD THE FULL PHATTY'S EXPERIENCE.

OHHH, PHATTY GIRLS!

- ♪ BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY

♪ BOOTY, ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE

♪ BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY

♪ ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE

♪ ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE

♪ ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE

- YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

TODAY, YOU WILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY

TO INVEST IN THE GROUND FLOOR.

NOW, MY TEAM HAS DRAWN UP AN AMAZING BUSINESS PLAN

THAT INCLUDES OPENING A PHATTY RESTAURANT

IN EVERY MAJOR CITY.

PEOPLE, THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME, OKAY?

NOW, DON'T MISS OUT, Y'ALL.

PHATTY'S.

WE SELL BURGERS TOO.

- ♪ BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY

♪ BOOTY, ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE

[scattered applause]

- THANK YOU.

TERRENCE WILL BE AROUND TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS

YOU GUYS MAY HAVE.

- SO, JASON...

YOU HEARD THE PITCH.

IT WAS OBVIOUSLY BRILLIANT.

AND, UM, LUCKY FOR YOU,

WE SELLING 5% BLOCKS.

SO HOW ABOUT I CUT YOU A DEAL?

- OOH, YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THAT.

[laughing]

- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, TERRENCE.

THESE BURGERS ARE PHENOMENAL, OKAY?

HOWEVER, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I'M GETTING INVOLVED

IN A RIDICULOUS FINANCIAL VENTURE

WITH A MAN WHO HAD TO SELL HIS HOUSE ON CRAIGSLIST.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

- COME ON, MAN.

- DISMISSED.

- AIN'T LIKE YOU SPENT IT ON THAT RING.

- OH! - WOW.

EXCU- WHAT?UH, DO I LOOK BAD OR SOMETHING?

- NO!

I MEAN, YOU'RE A LITTLE OVERDRESSED

FOR THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY.

- I AM NOT GONNA LET YOU SPEND THE NIGHT DROWNING YOUR SORROWS

IN DELICIOUS DESSERTS.

BESIDES, I HAD A CHEESECAKE FOR BREAKFAST AND LUNCH.

I HAVE A PROBLEM.

TONIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO MALIK'S PARTY.

- NO! NO, NO, NO. HEY, HOLD ON.

DUDE IS NOT FEELING ME.

I'M NOT ABOUT TO CRASH HIS PARTY.

- LOOK, WHEN MALIK SEES THAT YOU'RE COOL WITH ME,

HE'LL BE COOL WITH YOU.

DO ME A FAVOR AND, UH, ZIP ME UP?

- [clears throat]

SO, UH, YOU REALLY THINK HE'LL BE COOL WITH ME?

- YES, BLUE, EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

AND YOU'LL GET YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND.

- IT'S NOT THAT.

I MEAN, DUDE IS MY QUARTERBACK.

HE WON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.

HOW YOU EXPECT HIM TO THROW THE BALL TO ME?

- [baby talk] AW, SOMEBODY WANTS TO PLAY CATCH

WITH THEIR NEW BEST FRIEND?

- ARE YOU GONNA TALK BABY TALK ALL NIGHT?

- IT'S TOO LATE. I'M ALREADY IN CHARACTER.

- MA! - HEY!

- YOU MADE IT! - OF COURSE I MADE IT.

- WOW! - HOW'S IT GOING, BABY?

- IT'S GOING GREAT!

LOOK, I GOT, LIKE, 25% OF MY INVESTMENTS ALL SEWN UP ALREADY.

- OH, OKAY. TYOU SAID I COULD INVITE HIM.

- WHA--OH! PSH, PLEASE.

AIN'T NOBODY TRIPPING OFF NO RICK FOX, OKAY?

HE MISSED THIS TRAIN.

SHOOT, POOKIE HOPPED ABOARD ON THE TASHA MACK EXPRESS,

AND HE RIDING MY CABOOSE LIKE WHAT.

- MAMA, THAT'S NASTY.

AND EVERY TIME SOMETHING'S WRONG,

YOU GET SUPER INAPPROPRIATE OR SUPER GHETTO.

SO WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

- BOY, AIN'T NOTHING WRIZZ-ONG, ALL RIGHT?

NOW, YOU JUST GO ON OUT THERE AND MAKE THAT MONEY, MAN.

GO ON NOW. - ALL RIGHT, I'M WATCHING YOU.

- OKAY, IT WAS A GOOD LOOK. AIN'T IT?

- IT IS A GOOD LOOK. - [laughing] ALL RIGHT.

- HEY, GIRL.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

MY FIRST OFFICIAL PARTY AS A SABERS WIFE.

- OKAY, WELL, LOOK.

IT'S GONNA BE YOUR LAST OFFICIAL PARTY AS A SABER WIFE

IF YOU DON'T GET OVER THERE AND RUN INTERFERENCE.

GET THEM TWO SKANK-ASS CHICKENS AWAY FROM RICK.

- HELL NO.

I'M DONE WITH YOUR MESSY-ASS LOVE TRIANGLE.

- THE HELL YOU ARE, OKAY?

'CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE THAT BROUGHT ME INTO THIS MESS.

"TASHA, IT'S OKAY TO BE IN LOVE WITH TWO MEN."

"TASHA, TAKE YOUR TIME.

FIGURE IT OUT."

OH, AND "TASHA, YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH RICK FOX

IN MY MASTER BATHROOM."

- YOU HAD SEX IN MY BATHROOM TOO?

- GIRL, YOUR BED, BATH, AND BEYOND, ALL RIGHT?

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SURE JASON WON'T MIND.

HEY, YO, JASON, WHERE YOU AT?

- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! OKAY! OH--SORRY.

I'LL DO IT.

YOU A THUG.

- YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M A THUG.

IT'S ABOUT THIS THUG LIFE, OKAY?

NOW GO ON.

- MM.

OH, MY GOD.

DID YOU GUYS HEAR THAT KOBE BRYANT IS IN THE HALLWAY

WITH SOME WHITE CHICKS?

[both giggling]

YES, GIRLS.

MM-HMM.

- KOBE'LL BE JUST FINE.

- RICK...

HE AIN'T IN THE HALLWAY.

TASHA SENT ME OVER HERE

BECAUSE APPARENTLY, YOU EMBARRASSING HER

BY FLIRTING WITH ALL THESE YOUNG WOMEN ALL UP IN PUBLIC.

I DON'T SEE ANY RING ON THIS FINGER.

- OH, WELL.

FANCY SEEING THE TWO OF YOU HERE.

RICK, CHARDONNAY.

NOW, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.

- WELL, SO, RICK...

I SEE THAT YOU ENJOY PLAYING THE FIELD

WITH THESE LITTLE YOUNG, IMMATURE GIRLS, HUH?

I WAS JUST WAITING FOR A REAL WOMAN TO COME ALONG.

- HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE?

- HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU NEED?

- WELL...

- OOP, TIME'S UP.

THAT'S YOUR DUDE?

- YES.

- TASHA.

SERIOUSLY...

WHY AREN'T WE TOGETHER?

- [scoffs]

[squealing]

- THERE IT IS!

- ALL RIGHT, SUGAR NIPS!

[both laughing]

- JUST WANTED TO SURPRISE YOU, BABY.

I COULDN'T LET YOU LEAVE ALONE,

LOOKING ALL BEAUTIFUL LIKE THIS

IN A ROOM FULL OF RICH INVESTORS.

MIGHT NEED SECURITY, WINK, WINK.

- WINK, WINK. OKAY.

I SEE YOU HERE, TRYING TO GET YOUR BIZ-NIZAK ON.

IT'S LIKE THAT.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

- WHAT? - IS THAT RICK?

IS THAT WHY YOU'VE BEEN ACTING SO GHETTO AND INAPPROPRIATE?

BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONNA COME IN HERE AND TRIP

BECAUSE YOUR EX IS UP IN HERE?

COME ON, BABY.

LOOK, WE GOOD, ALL RIGHT?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'MA ROLL OVER THERE

AND HOLLER AT HIM.

- SO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?

- DUDE, BY THE TIME YOU LEAVE HERE,

YOU AND MALIK ARE GOING TO BE BESTIES.

- OH, DON'T SAY "BESTIES."

- COME ON.

WELL, HELLO, TERRENCE.

- HEY, WHAT'S UP? - WHERE'S MALIK?

- MALIK IS CURRENTLY BEING OCCUPIED BY A BIG FAT WHALE.

I CALL HER THAT 'CAUSE SHE GOT A LOT OF MONEY.

AND 'CAUSE SHE'S FAT.

AND SHE HAS A BLOW HOLE, BUT IT'S A BIRTH DEFECT.

SO IF YOU SEE HER, DON'T STARE AT IT.

- OH, OKAY.

WELL, WHEN HE'S DONE WHALING, TELL HIM TO COME FIND ME.

- OH, YEAH, SURE. I GOT YOU.

BUT HEY, EVEN THOUGH YOU MISSED THE PRESENTATION

FOR MALIK'S NEW RESTAURANT,

THERE'S STILL A COUPLE OF PERCENTAGE POINTS LEFT OVER

FOR A LOVELY COUPLE LIKE YOURSELVES.

SO HOLLER AT ME.

- [scoffs]

JUST BECAUSE I'M CUTE AND YOU'RE CUTE

DOES NOT MEAN PEOPLE SHOULD ASSUME WE'RE TOGETHER.

- AH, SO YOU THINK I'M CUTE.

- FOCUS. YOU'RE ON A MISSION.

- NO, I'M JUST SAYING.

YOU KNOW, PEOPLE'S ASSUMPTIONS CAN BE ANNOYING.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

UH, EXCUSE ME.

THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE.

- WHERE YOU GOING WITH THIS?

- LET'S PLAY A GAME.

EVERY TIME SOMEBODY ASKS US IF WE'RE A COUPLE,

WE GOT TO TAKE A SHOT.

- HEH.

- PHATTY BURGER FOR YOU AND YOUR GIRL?

- NO, THANK YOU.

- CHEERS.

- MM-HMM.

- SNAP.

LOOK LIKE A TASHA MACK BOYFRIEND CONVENTION.

- HOMEGIRL, THIS IS BAD.

- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M A REAL GOOD LIP-READER.

"HEY, POOKIE, YOU KNOW I'M BANGING YOUR GIRL, RIGHT?"

"I BEG YOUR PARDON, RICK?"

"I SAID, I'M DECIMATING YOUR GIRL."

"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU SAID."

[laughs]

"TO KILLING TASHA MACK."

- MS. SHEIBANI, THIS IS MALIK WRIGHT,

THE MAN BEHIND THE SOON-TO-BE PHATTY'S EMPIRE.

I WILL LEAVE YOU TWO TO TALK.

- THANK YOU. - YEAH.

- PATREECE SHEIBANI. IT'S A PLEASURE.

- NO INTRODUCTION NECESSARY.

EVEN THOUGH YOUR FATHER, MARTIN SHEIBANI,

IS THE WEALTHY VENTURE CAPITALIST,

YOU STARTED YOUR OWN PR AND CONSULTING FIRM

BY THE AGE OF 25.

YOU'VE HELPED THREE COMPANIES GO PUBLIC

IN THE PAST THREE YEARS.

NOT TO MENTION,

IN HIGH SCHOOL, YOU WERE VOTED BEST DRESSED.

NOW, THAT'S AN ACCOMPLISHMENT THAT WE BOTH SHARE.

- ALL RIGHT. - YEAH? I DID MY HOMEWORK.

AND I'M IMPRESSED.

- WOW.

I MUST SAY, I AM TOO.

- THANK YOU.

WELL, SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE, UH, PRESENTATION?

- UM, IT WAS CUTE.

- CUTE.

OKAY, THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE THE MOST CONVINCING ANSWER,

BUT--

- NO, SERIOUSLY, IT WAS DELIGHTFUL.

BUT...

IT'S JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA.

- REALLY?

WELL, I'M SORRY THAT YOU FEEL THAT WAY.

PERHAPS YOU'LL FEEL A LITTLE BETTER KNOWING THAT THE IDEA

HAS ALREADY GARNERED INVESTMENTS

FROM THE LIKES OF MR. RICHARD T. WATERS,

THE CHECK-CASHING GURU,

AND FERDINAND "FRENCH FRY" DE TOUISSANT,

JEWELER TO THE STARS.

NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'MA LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET,

SINCE YOU ALREADY HERE.

I JUST GOT A BID IN FROM THE COMEDIC GENIUS EARTHQUAKE.

- LOOK,

AS IMPRESSIVE AS THAT LIST OF INDUSTRY TITANS MAY BE,

I WAS LED TO BELIEVE THAT YOU WANTED TO TAKE YOUR BRAND

TO THE NEXT LEVEL.

AND JUST TO BE CANDID,

THIS PRODUCT SEEMS LIKE A LATERAL,

IF NOT DOWNWARDLY DESCENDING MOVE.

- UH...

WHAT ABOUT BIKINI BOTTOMS THAT DON'T RIDE UP, HMM?

- LOOK, I APPRECIATE YOUR FASCINATION

WITH THE FEMALE BODY,

BUT ALL OF YOUR BUSINESS VENTURES

SEEM TO BE A LITTLE COMMON,

WHICH IS GREAT IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING FOR.

BUT IF YOU ARE EVER INTERESTED IN TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL,

YOU GIVE ME A CALL.

- SO HOW'D IT GO?

I MEAN, NOT THAT IT WOULDN'T GO GREAT, YOU KNOW.

ME AND RICK, WE GOOD.

I MEAN, WE AIN'T GREAT.

YOU KNOW, WE BARELY EVEN TALK.

SAY, HI AND BYE.

YOU KNOW, MOSTLY BYES.

- HE SAID HE'S STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

[laughs]

SEE, I GOT YOU, RIGHT?

THAT WAS GOOD, RIGHT?

IT'S JUST JOKES, BABY. YOU GOOD? YOU OKAY?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW, I JUST GOT THAT LOW BLOOD SUGAR LEVEL.

- OH, OKAY.

- I AIN'T EAT ALL DAY. I'VE BEEN DRINKING.

- YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW--

RICK AND I, YOU KNOW, IT WENT GREAT.

RICK IS COOL PEEPS.

SO COOL, IN FACT,

HE WANTS ME TO BE HIS BODYGUARD WHILE HE'S IN SAN DIEGO.

HMM.

- AHH!

YOU GOT ME AGAIN.

- NO, I'M SERIOUS.

HE WANTS ME TO START THIS WEEK.

MAN, WE GONNA BE HANGING OUT A LOT TOGETHER.

[laughs]

- NO! WHAT?

NO, LOOK, LOOK.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SAYING "BESTIES"?

- HMM?

- DON'T SAY "BESTIES."

- OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY THEN?

- OKAY, OKAY.

TELL HIM I'M NICE.

I MEAN, BUT NOT TOO NICE.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, NOT SO NICE

WHERE HE COULD, LIKE, WALK ALL OVER ME.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF HE COMES AT ME, I WILL BEAT HIS ASS.

HEY, BUT DON'T SAY THAT.

DON'T, DON'T, DON'T. SHH.

OKAY, LET'S JUST GO FIND HIM.

- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU NEED TO GET IT TOGETHER AND FIGURE IT OUT.

OH, BUT WHERE DID HE GO?

OH, TORI! - HEY.

- I KNOW YOU. - YES.

- WHERE'S MALIK?

- UH, THAT, I DON'T KNOW.

BUT WHEN I FIND HIM,

I WILL TELL HIM THIS ADORABLE COUPLE IS LOOKING FOR HIM.

YOU'RE CUTE.

- OH, THANK YOU.

- KA-BOOM!

[laughing]

- WHAT'S UP, BLACK MRS. PITTS?

- LOOK, HERE, FOXY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF SICK GAME

YOU UP IN HERE RUNNING,

BUT YOU BETTER SHUT IT DOWN.

AND I MEAN DOWN,

BEFORE YOU FIND YOURSELF KICKED IN THAT BIG-ASS HEAD OF YOURS.

- EXCUSE ME? - OH, YOU HEARD ME!

MANY A LIGHT-SKINNED BLACK MEN HAVE TRIED TO TEST ME.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER WAS?

POW, POW, POW!

I'M FROM RICHMOND.

- TASHA, ARE YOU IN THERE?

- WELL, IT DAMN SURE AIN'T THE EASTER BUNNY.

WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING OFFERING POOKIE A JOB?

- I WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD WHEN SOME PRISON GUY

JUST WALKED UP TO ME.

I WAS EXPECTING HIM TO BE ALL, "I KILL AND RAPE PEOPLE,"

BUT INSTEAD, HE GAVE A THOUGHTFUL, CONCISE,

ELOQUENT PITCH FOR HIS SECURITY BUSINESS,

AND I WAS SOLD.

HE'S A GOOD CATCH.

- RICK, I SWEAR, IF YOU WERE PAID TO THINK...

- YOU'D BE BROKE.

- HEY, IT'S YOUR INDECISIVENESS THAT HAS US IN THIS MESS.

- MY INDECISIVENESS?

- IF YOU WOULD HAVE MADE YOUR DECISION TO BE WITH ME,

YOU WOULDN'T BE SO INSECURE

ABOUT OTHER WOMEN FLIRTING WITH ME.

OR ME GIVING POOKIE A JOB.

NONE OF IT.

I'M TIRED OF BEING YOUR JUMP-OFF.

IT'S EITHER HIM OR ME.

YOU NEED TO SHIMMY OR GET OFF THE POT.

- HEY!

- OH!

HEY, YOU.

[giggling]

- WHAT WAS ALL THAT?

HOW YOU--HOW YOU KNOW RICK?

- UM, WELL, UM...

DUH, BABY.

I MEAN, EVERYBODY KNOWS RICK FOX.

I MEAN, HE'S A LAKER, RIGHT?

- OKAY. - AND STUFF.

- HEY, HEY!

WHAT HAPPENED TO TEN MINUTES?

I WAS WAITING DOWN THERE AN HOUR.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- TURN AROUND REAL QUICK.

I'M SORRY.

WRONG PHATTY. AS YOU WERE.

- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

REESE'S PIECES.

SO I WAS THINKING.

SINCE YOU DON'T WANT TO INVEST A LITTLE SOMETHING INTO ME,

HOW ABOUT I INVEST A LOT OF SOMETHING IN YOU?

HMM?

- WOW, TELL ME.

DO THOSE RAPE-Y LINES COME WITH A SKI MASK AND A SCARY VAN?

- WHAT? GIRL, PLEASE.

MY LINES DON'T NEVER MISS.

IT'S UP TO YOU WHETHER YOU CATCH IT OR NOT.

- RIGHT.

SO SINCE I WASN'T DOWN WITH YOUR BUSINESS IDEA,

YOU FIGURED YOU'D TRY AND WIN ME OVER IN BED, HMM?

IT'S DESPERATE...

THIRSTY, LOW-RENT.

KIND OF LIKE THIS WHOLE PHATTY'S THING YOUR DOING.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

DO YOU STILL HAVE MY BUSINESS CARD?

- UH, LET ME SEE HERE.

both: YEAH.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

LITTLE LADY, JOKE'S ON YOU, BABY.

I ALREADY PUT YOUR NUMBER IN MY CELL PHONE,

AND I MMS-ED YOU A PENIS PIC.

- GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR LIFE, MALIK.

- HEY, MALIK.

GREAT NEWS, MAN.

TONIGHT, WE GOT ENOUGH INVESTORS TO MAKE PHATTY'S A REALITY.

OH, AND HERE'S THE SHOCKER. WAIT FOR IT.

THE BIGGEST INVESTOR OF 'EM ALL?

EARTHQUAKE.

AND SEE, THAT'S IRONIC BECAUSE-- - SHUT IT DOWN.

- WHAT?

- PHATTY'S IS OUT, TEE TEE.

I'M TRYING TO REBRAND MYSELF,

AND YOU GOT ME OUT HERE LOOKING LIKE A CARNIVAL SIDESHOW.

TORI! - YEAH?

- I NEED YOU TO GET ON THE PHONE

AND SET ME UP A MEETING WITH OUR FRIEND REECE.

- YO, TEE TEE!

YOU KNOW WHERE THE BATHROOM IS?

MAN, I'M 'BOUT TO DROP A 6 .5 ON THE RICHTER SCALE.

- OH, GOD.

- UH, YEAH, MAN, IT'S UPSTAIRS AND TO THE RIGHT.

- OH, MAN, EARTHQUAKE OUT OF HERE.

[both giggling]

- I'M SORRY THAT YOU COULDN'T BE BESTIES.

I'M SORRY THAT YOU AND MALIK COULDN'T BE COOL.

BUT DON'T WORRY.

AS SOON AS HE GETS TO KNOW YOU,

HE'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

- YEAH.

YEAH.

- WELL, SIR, I BID YOU ADIEU.

IT HAS BEEN OFFICIAL.

- OFFICIALLY.

GOOD NIGHT.

- OH.

- YEAH.

- [laughing nervously]

- UH...

- I'M--I'M SORRY.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

- RIGHT. WE'RE DRUNK.

- COMPLETELY FADED.

- EXACTLY. YOU KNOW, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

- ROAD DOGS.

- ATOMIC DOGS.

- HOT DOGS ON A STICK.

- WE'RE JUST KISSING DOGS.

AND THERE'S NOTHING BIG ABOUT THAT.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

IT'S NOTHING BIG ABOUT IT AT ALL.

UM...

GOOD NIGHT, BLUE.

- GOOD NIGHT, KEIRA.

- [retches]

I'M OKAY.

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