Original subtitles

>> [ CHATTER ]

>> NOW, SEE, MOST PEOPLE PUT

THE MUSTARD AND THE RELISH ON

TOP, BUT SEE, THE HOT DOG HAS

TWO SPOTS -- ONE ON ONE SIDE

FOR THE MUSTARD AND ONE ON ONE

SIDE FOR THE RELISH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, DAWG?

>> YO, YOU BLIND?

>> OH, YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT

ELUSIVE THIRD SPOT FOR

THE KETCHUP.

>> NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT

KIRKLAND.

YOU BLIND, MAN?

OR YOU MUST BE DEAF, TOO.

>> COOL DOWN, DERWIN.

>> NO, NO, I AM COOL, HOT SAUCE.

I AM COOL.

BUT I'M ABOUT TO GO HAMMER ON

YOUR BOY BECAUSE I WANT HIM TO

EXPLAIN TO ME WHY HE'S NOT

PASSING ME THE ROCK.

I'M OPEN EVERY SINGLE TIME, MAN!

>> WELL, I'M BLIND, REMEMBER?

>> CHRIST, MAN!

IS -- IS THIS A JOKE

TO YOU, HUH?!

WE'RE GETTING OUR ASSES

WHUPPED OUT THERE,

AND YOU'RE THE REASON.

LISTEN UP, BRO.

THIS IS NOT JAZZ, SO STOP

IMPROVISING, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

>> NO. IT'S ROCK 'N' ROLL, BABY.

>> TURN YOUR BACK ON ME, MAN!

>> HEY! HEY! KNOCK IT OFF!

KNOCK IT OFF!

>> WATCH YOUR STEP, KID.

>> WILL DO, SON.

>> YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU

MESSING WITH, KID!

I'M THE WRONG DUDE!

I'M THE WRONG DUDE! I'M THE WRONG DUDE!

I'M THE WRONG DUDE!

>> Y'ALL GOT ANGER ISSUES.

>> Y'ALL GOT ANGER ISSUES. ALL Y'ALL.

ALL Y'ALL.

ALL Y'ALL. >> ♪♪

>> ♪♪

>> SO, TODAY I READ MY

HOROSCOPE, AND GUESS WHAT

IT SAID?

>> "STOP READING HOROSCOPES"?

>> IT SAID "TODAY IS GONNA

BE A GREEN-LIGHT DAY."

[ GASPS ]

[ GASPS ] WIN, WIN, WIN!

WIN, WIN, WIN!

UH-OH.

UH-OH. >> WIN, WIN, WIN.

>> WIN, WIN, WIN.

>> I WANTED THESE SEATS ANYWAY.

SO, TODAY MY HOROSCOPE IS

TOTALLY MAKING SENSE.

I MEAN, EVEN THOUGH THE SABERS

ARE LOSING RIGHT NOW,

THEY'RE GONNA COME BACK AND WIN

THE GAME AND ONCE THEY DO THAT,

IT'LL BE THE PERFECT TIME TO

CONVINCE DERWIN THAT YOU SHOULD

BE OUR SURROGATE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT WOULD

BE THE PERFECT PLAN EXCEPT FOR

THE FACT THE SABERS AIN'T

COMING BACK.

GIRL, THE GAME IS OVER.

HELL, IT'S ALL IN THE BOOKS.

THE BAR'S CLOSING.

WHAT WE GONNA EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

>> [ SCOFFS ]

WAY TO BLEED SABER BLOOD.

>> HEIFER, YOU KNOW I ONLY BLEED

BENJAMIN GREEN, ALL RIGHT?

YOU NEED TO STOP MESSING

WITH THEM DAMN HOROSCOPES.

AIN'T NOTHING BUT THE WORK OF

THE DEVIL.

>> OH, PLEASE.

FIRST THING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE IS,

"WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?"

>> 'CAUSE I'M TRYING TO

WEED OUT THEM DAMN DEVILS.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> THIS TIME NO DEVILS.

THEY'RE SCORPIOS.

THEY SWEATY AND ALL THAT.

>> I'M A SCORPIO.

>> FIGURES.

>> [ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> OKAY, LOOK, I THINK YOU

MIGHT BE GOING ABOUT THIS

WHOLE SURROGACY THING IN

THE WRONG WAY.

>> REALLY?

>> MM-HMM.

>> OKAY, WELL, THEN WHAT'S

YOUR SOLUTION?

>> MM-MM.

>> TASHA, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO

DO WAY BETTER THAN THAT.

I MEAN, YOU ARE A PART

OF THE SURROGACY THING.

YOU ARE A PART OF THE SURROGACY

THING, RIGHT?

>> WHAT'S GONNA MAKE YOU THINK

I'M NOT?

>> WELL, YOU SEE? RIGHT THERE.

RIGHT THERE.

I JUST ASKED ABOUT IT,

AND THE ANSWER IS "YES."

BUT YOU JUST ANSWERED THE

QUESTION WITH ANOTHER QUESTION.

>> I DID?

>> YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN!

>> DID I?

>> TASHA.

YOU'RE NOT GETTING COLD FEET,

ARE YOU?

>> PFFT!

MNH-MNH.

>> OKAY, GOOD.

>> NO.

>> GOOD, 'CAUSE WE'RE IN

THIS TOGETHER.

JUST LIKE THE TIME WE SAID WE'D

BOTH VAJAZZLE OUR VAJAYJAYS.

>> MM-HMM.

AND YOUR ASS BAILED OUT ON ME.

LEFT ME WITH A CROTCH FULL

OF SWAROVSKIS.

>> ALL RIGHT. FINE.

JUST THINK OF A DIFFERENT

TIME I DIDN'T BAIL ON YOU.

THAT'S WHAT THIS IS.

>> MM-HMM.

LOOK, MELANIE, I'M GOOD, OKAY?

I'M GOOD.

>> OKAY.

>> I DON'T GET COLD FEET.

I DON'T GET COLD NOTHING.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHY IN

THE WINTERTIME, GIRL,

I ROLL WITH MY TOP DOWN.

>> OKAY. GOOD. GOOD.

SO YOU'RE -- YOU STILL GONNA --

>> YEAH, I GET HOT -- I GET HOT

FEET.

I GET HOT.

I DO. I GET REAL HOT.

HELL, I GET HOT FLASHES.

GET REAL HOT FLASHES.

I DO.

LOOK, OKAY, JUST HURRY UP AND

TELL DERWIN, OKAY?

>> OKAY.

>> 'CAUSE MY CLOCK IS TICKING.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> OKAY.

WE'RE GOING BLUE ZIP 38-NINER

ON ONE.

BLUE ZIP 38-NINER ON ONE.

READY?

>> [ ALL CLAP ]

>> WHAT A GREAT START

FOR THE SABERS.

LET'S SEE IF THEY CAN

KEEP THIS GOING.

FOR KIRKLAND AND CREW, IT IS

NOW FIRST AND 10 AT THE 25.

SABERS WITH A GOOD OPPORTUNITY

SABERS WITH A GOOD OPPORTUNITY HERE.

HERE.

LET'S SEE IF KWAN KIRKLAND

CAN SCORE.

DAVIS GOES TO PLAY.

DAVIS DROPS BACK.

TRIES TO DODGE THE BLITZ.

KIRKLAND SACKED.

>> [ ALL GROAN ]

>> A LOSS OF FIVE AND A FLAG

IS THROWN.

AND KIRKLAND IS DOWN.

>> OUCH.

>> I KNOW "OUCH."

THAT WAS MORE LIKE HIS MEAN-ASS

UNCLE DAMN!

UNCLE DAMN! >> KWAN KIRKLAND IS STILL DOWN.

>> KWAN KIRKLAND IS STILL DOWN.

THIS HAS TO CONCERN YOU,

IF YOU'RE A SABER'S FAN.

>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING

ABOUT!

THEY GOT TO CALL THE PARAMEDICS

OUT THERE ON THAT BOY!

HELL!

GOT HIM OUT THERE ON THE FIELD

LOOKING ALL TWISTED UP!

THAT DON'T MAKE NO DAMN SENSE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

>> WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

>> GIRL, THEY GOT TO TAKE

KWAN OUT THE GAME.

>> I KNOW.

IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S HURT.

>> THEY GOT TO PUT MALIK'S

ASS IN.

ASS IN. >> [ APPLAUSE ]

>> [ APPLAUSE ]

>> MALIK WRIGHT IS FINALLY OFF

THE BENCH FOR THE FIRST TIME IN

WHAT SEEMS LIKE AN ETERNITY.

>> OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!

THEY'RE PUTTING MALIK IN!

>> [ CROWD CHANTING "WMP" ]

>> NOW, WHY THE HELL WOULD

THEY DO THAT?

HA! BOO!

YOU SUCK, MALIK!

I GUESS WE CAN KISS

THIS GAME GOODBYE.

>> THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN

CHANTING "WMP."

WHAT WILL HE DO?

WELL, I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT TO

WELL, I GUESS WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.

FIND OUT.

>> OH, MY GOD.

TASHA, ARE YOU CRYING?

>> MNH-MNH.

OH, GOD.

IT'S JUST BEEN SUCH A LONG

ROAD, BABY.

>> TASHA, PLEASE DO NOT CRY,

BECAUSE IF YOU CRY, I'M GONNA

START CRYING.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> [ SIGHS ]

GOD.

TOO LATE.

>> YEAH, BOY.

24 ICE ON TWO.

24 ICE ON TWO. READY?

>> BREAK!

>> BREAK! >> [ CROWD CHANTING "WMP" ]

>> [ CROWD CHANTING "WMP" ]

>> UH, FIRST OFF, GUYS, UH,

CONGRATULATIONS ON AN AMAZING

COMEBACK WIN.

WE'RE STILL WAITING ON THE

STATUS OF KWAN'S KNEE INJURY.

BUT, MALIK, COULD YOU TELL US,

YOU KNOW, HOW YOU WERE FEELING

WHEN KWAN WENT DOWN?

AND, DERWIN, CAN YOU WALK US

THROUGH THAT PLAY, SINCE YOU

WERE THE LEAD BLOCKER?

>> [ BOTH TALK ]

>> OH, MY BAD. MY BAD.

IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE

BEEN IN HERE, I FORGOT POST-GAME

ETIQUETTE. [ CHUCKLES ]

>> [ LAUGHS ] THAT'S RIGHT.

OPEN WITH A JOKE, BABY.

>> GO AHEAD, BRO. ROCK OUT.

>> YO, LOOK, IT'S NEVER COOL

WHEN A PLAYER GOES DOWN,

I MEAN, ESPECIALLY ONE

OF KWAN'S CALIBER.

DAWG, A KNEE INJURY COULD BE

DEVASTATING.

BUT KWAN, HE'S YOUNG.

HE'S STRONG.

HE'LL BE BACK ON THE FIELD

IN NO TIME.

AS FOR ME, AS BACKUP,

ALL I CAN DO IS BE READY, MAN.

>> AND STOP EATING HOT DOGS?

>> OOH, THAT'S GONNA BE

A TOUGH ONE, HOMIE.

>> [ LAUGHTER ]

>> DERWIN?

>> YEAH, UM, ON THAT PLAY,

I JUST REMEMBER GOING IN

MOTION, AND, UM, I THINK THEY --

THEY BLITZED THE CORNER,

AND HE CAME UP, I DON'T KNOW,

I JUST MISSED HIM.

UM, FOOTBALL'S A GAME OF INCHES.

EPHRAIM, AND YOU KNOW THAT.

>> [ LAUGHTER ]

>> DERWIN, CAN YOU ELABORATE ON

THAT LAST STATEMENT?

I MEAN, YOU MISSED THE BLOCK?

IT WENT RIGHT PAST YOU.

I MEAN, WERE YOU TIRED?

DID YOU JUST TAKE THE PLAY OFF?

WHAT HAPPENED?

>> I MISSED THE BLOCK, BOBBY.

I MEAN, IT'S THAT SIMPLE.

>> IN THE REPLAY, IT LOOKED

LIKE YOU COULD HAVE BLOCKED

HIM EASILY.

I MEAN, HONESTLY,

LET US KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

>> BOBBY, YOU WAS AT THE GAME.

IF I COULD GOT TO HIM,

I WOULD HAVE.

>> DERWIN, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,

THERE HAVE BEEN NUMEROUS REPORTS

COMING OUT OF THAT LOCKER ROOM

THAT YOU AND KWAN HAVE A VERY

CONTENTIOUS RELATIONSHIP AND

THAT THERE WAS EVEN A SCUFFLE

AT HALFTIME.

I GOT TO ASK THAT.

IT'S MY JOB.

DID IT HAVE ANYTHING TO

DO WITH YOU MISSING THAT BLOCK?

>> COACH CALLED A PASS PLAY, AND

FOR WHATEVER REASON, KWAN CALLED

AN AUDIBLE AND DECIDED TO RUN

THE BALL.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU SAW, EVAN, OKAY?

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, A GOOD

QUARTERBACK STAYS IN THE POCKET

AND LETS THE RECEIVERS DO WHAT

THEY DO BEST.

>> [ CHATTER ]

>> DERWIN, STOP ANSWERING

THE QUESTIONS.

>> MALIK LOOKS SO HANDSOME.

GOT HIM ALL DIFFERENT KIND OF

SUITS FOR EVERY DIFFERENT

OCCASION.

>> DERWIN, IT DOESN'T TAKE

AN EXPERT TO SEE WHAT

HAPPENED OUT THERE, OKAY?

JUST BE HONEST.

DID YOU MISS THE BLOCK

ON PURPOSE?

ON PURPOSE? >> [ CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING ]

>> [ CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING ]

>> [ CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING ] >> NO MORE QUESTIONS.

>> NO MORE QUESTIONS.

>> EXCUSE ME. SORRY.

>> ON ANOTHER NOTE, MALIK, SO,

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE PART OF

SUCH AN HISTORIC COMEBACK WIN?

>> OH, COME ON, Y'ALL.

LET'S NOT MAKE THIS ALL ABOUT

LET'S NOT MAKE THIS ALL ABOUT ME, OKAY?

ME, OKAY?

>> OKAY, OKAY, SERIOUSLY.

WE COULD DEBATE THIS PLAY UNTIL

WE'RE BLUE IN THE FACE.

DAMIEN, YOU HAVE YOUR OPINION.

SUMMER, YOU HAVE YOUR, LIKE,

SUMMER, YOU HAVE YOUR, LIKE, WOMAN VERSION OF AN OPINION.

WOMAN VERSION OF AN OPINION.

>> [ DOOR CLOSES ]

>> I MEAN, WHO'S BROKE BREAD

WITH THE GUY?

>> I HAVE.

>> YEAH, SO HAVE I.

OH, WE HAD A LOVELY DINNER IN

MANHATTAN, TALKED ABOUT THE

KIDS, HIS WIFE, "STAR WARS."

>> "STAR WARS"? SERIOUSLY?

>> SO, I WENT TO THE STORE

AND I GOT YOU SOME CANDY.

I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE CANDY.

[ SIGHS ]

I ALSO GOT BOTTOM FLATS.

I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE

THOSE, TOO.

[ SQUEALS ]

NO?

[ SIGHS ] YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK WE SHOULD TURN

THIS THING OFF.

>> NO, NO, NO, MEL, LEAVE IT.

I'M WATCHING IT.

>> OKAY. LEAVING IT ON.

I JUST NEED YOU TO TURN

IT DOWN A LITTLE.

[ GROANS ]

JASON'S VOICE DRIVES ME UP

THE WALL.

THE WALL. [ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

LOOK, DERWIN, IF THE MEDIA WANTS

TO CONTINUE TO MAKE A BIG DEAL

OUT OF YOU NOT BEING ABLE TO

GET A BLOCK, JUST LET THEM.

[ SCOFFS ]

IT'S BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE

A STORY ON YOU AND THEY'RE

JUST TRYING TO REACH FOR ONE.

BUT THIS WILL ALL BLOW OVER

SOON, I PROMISE.

IT ALWAYS DOES.

I MEAN, ONE MINUTE, SOMEBODY

ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTS HIMSELF,

RIGHT?

AND THEN THE NEXT, SOMEBODY

ACCIDENTALLY CHEATS ON THEIR

WIFE WITH 20 HOOKERS.

LOOK, THE POINT IS, IS THAT

THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER STORY

RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.

AND RIGHT NOW, YOUR STORY JUST

HAPPENS TO BE ON MAIN STREET.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT

I'M TRYING TO SAY?

>> YEAH, I GUESS. I DON'T KNOW.

>> OH, COME ON.

YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE.

JUST WAIT.

YOUR BOY, MALIK, I MEAN,

NOW HE'S A MAN AGAIN.

[ LAUGHS ]

WE'LL SEE HOW LONG THATLASTS.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU KNOW IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK WE SHOULD BET ON IT.

>> WHAT?

>> I SAY IN THE NEXT THREE

WEEKS, YOUR BOY IS GONNA GET

ARRESTED FOR PICKING UP

A TRANNY.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> WHAT? YOU WERE THINKING

GRAND THEFT AUTO?

>> GET OUT OF HERE.

I'M NOT GOING AGAINST

MY BOY LIKE THAT.

>> YOU KNOW I LOVE MALIK.

BUT I THINK YOU'RE MISSING OUT!

>> [ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> LET ME SEE.

LET ME SEE WHAT YOU GOT

GOING ON OVER HERE.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> YOU'RE CRAZY.

YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?

>> SPEAKING OF CRAZY, I WANT

TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

>> WHAT'S UP?

>> START WITH THE LITTLE ONES

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, THOSE ARE

MORE BABY.

>> HOLD UP, MEL. HOLD UP.

WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?

>> KWAN, HIKE THE BALL.

>> THAT'S ME. HUT, HUT, HIKE!

>> ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO, KWAN.

THAT'S MY DERWIN VOICE.

>> IT'S GOOD.

>> RIGHT?

OKAY, I SEE THE GUY I'M SUPPOSED

TO BLOCK FOR YOU, YO.

I'M GONNA MAD BLOCK HIM, SON.

I'M GONNA GET MY BLIGGITY

BLOCK ON, YO.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> OH, LOOK, A RAINBOW.

>> NO -- OOH!

NO!

MY KNEE!

>> GUYS, SERIOUSLY.

SERIOUSLY, LOOK AT THIS RAINBOW.

THERE'S BLACK IN IT.

BLACK LIKE DERWIN DAVIS...

>> DERWIN.

>> ...AND HIS HEART.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> DAMIEN, I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT YOU CAN HIT ME ANYTIME.

>> HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?

>> HEY, TAKE IT EASY OVER THERE.

BREAK IT UP. OKAY.

THAT BRINGS US BACK TO OUR

HOT TOPIC OF THE DAY -- EPIC

FAILURES LIKE DERWIN DAVIS AND

THIS BLOCK OR PROFESSIONAL

FOOTBALL AND ITS TREATMENT

OF THE LEGION OF RETIRED

PLAYERS WITH CRAZY BLACK MARKS

ON THEIR MRIs.

NO. [ CHUCKLES ]

I'M JUST PLAYING.

THEY'RE GONNA TAKE

CARE OF THOSE GUYS.

NO, THEY'RE NOT.

>> UGH! THAT VOICE!

>> CALLERS, LINES ARE OPEN.

>> CALLERS, LINES ARE OPEN. LET'S DO THIS.

LET'S DO THIS.

>> [ CHATTER ]

>> OKAY, AND THIS YOUR NEW

LAWYER.

THAT'S YOUR PUBLICIST.

>> [ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

>> OH, EXCUSE ME, GUYS.

HELLO?

>> HEY, TASHA.

>> [ Laughter ]

>> WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

>> HA, THAT NOISE IS,

WE BACK, BABY!

>> YEAH, WELL, I'M SO HAPPY

FOR YOU GUYS.

I'M STARTING TO THINK

I MISREAD MY HOROSCOPE.

I mean, the press are killing

Derwin.

AND WHAT'S UP JASON'S ASS?

>> Pfft!

LOTS AND LOTS OF DOO-DOO.

[ Laughs ]

OKAY, BUT DON'T WORRY, BABY.

THIS IS GONNA ALL BLOW OVER.

>> I know. I know.

I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

THE PERFECT MOMENT TO TELL

DERWIN ABOUT THIS WHOLE

SURROGACY THING.

BUT EVERY SINGLE TIME I TRY --

>> DID DERWIN GET THAT EDIBLE

FRUIT BASKET THAT I SENT HIM?

>> -- SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY.

>> OKAY, MAKE SURE HE DON'T EAT

THE CANTALOUPE, OKAY?

'CAUSE, GIRL, I SAW SOMETHING

ON THE NEWS ABOUT A RECALL.

>> TASHA.

>> WHAT?!

GIRL, PEOPLE ARE DYING OVER

SOME DAMN CANTALOUPE, OKAY,

AND THAT BASKET, GIRL,

IT'S LIKE 80% MELON.

>> OKAY, FINE, FINE.

I'LL MAKE A NOTE.

>> LOOK, MELANIE, JUST KEEP

TRYING, ALL RIGHT?

'CAUSE I'M SURE YOU'RE GONNA

FIND THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL HIM.

>> YEAH, WELL, HE WENT INTO

A SHELL ALL DAY.

I JUST CONVINCED HIM

TO GO TO DINNER.

I THINK I'M GONNA TELL HIM

OVER HIS FAVORITE DESSERT.

>> DOES IT HAVE CANTALOUPE

IN IT?

>> NO! OH, YOU KNOW, I GOTTA

GO, I GOTTA GO, I GOTTA GO.

>> Well, just make sure

you get me a --

>> HEY. HOW'D IT GO?

>> WHAT? PUMPING GAS?

>> YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I WAS PUMPING GAS.

WHATEVER.

>> OKAY. GOOD.

[ SIGHS ]

YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS JUST

THINKING ABOUT?

>> WHAT'S THAT?

>> DRUG MULES.

>> WHAT?

>> YEAH.

I MEAN, ISN'T IT COOL HOW THEY

CARRY SOMETHING FOR SOMEBODY

ELSE INSIDE THEM?

BUT IT'S AWFUL WHEN THE THING

THAT THEY'RE CARRYING LEAKS AND

CAUSES THEM TO GET SICK AND DIE.

BUT LET'S -- LET'S GET OFF

THAT ROAD.

IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, IT'S THE

ACT ITSELF THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL

TO ME, AND WHAT I WAS TRYING --

OH!

>> WHAT THE HELL?!

>> WAY TO MISS THE BLOCK!

LOSER!

>> HEY, HEY, HEY.

HE'S NOT A LOSER.

HE'S A DISGRACE.

[ SNORTS, SPITS ]

>> YO --

>> NO! NO, NO, NO!

DERWIN, WHAT THE HELL

ARE YOU DOING?

NO, STAY IN THE CAR.

STAY IN THE CAR, DERWIN!

ARE YOU CRAZY?

USE YOUR HEAD!

AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO USE

THE WIPERS, TOO.

YOU DON'T WANT TO TOUCH THAT.

>> [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

>> [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] >> IT LOOKS BRONCHIAL.

>> IT LOOKS BRONCHIAL.

>> YO, WHAT UP, D?

>> YO, WHAT UP, D? >> WHAT'S UP, SQUAB?

>> WHAT'S UP, SQUAB?

EXCUSE ME, MAN.

WHAT'S GOING ON? A PARTY, MAN?

WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

THAT'S MY PUBLICIST, AND THAT'S

RIGHT THERE MY LAWYER.

>> HI.

>> THE GIRL RIGHT THERE WITH

THE RED JEANS ON BEHIND YOU AND

THE FATTY, THAT'S MY COUSIN.

WE GONNA CALL TO SEE IF

IT'S FIRST OR SECOND, BABY.

OH. YEAH, OKAY. YEAH.

WHAT UP, DAWG?

>> HEY, YOU GOT A SECOND?

>> YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.

>> YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

>> I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE ELSE

TO GO, MAN, BUT, LIKE...

I FEEL LIKE EVERYBODY HATES ME.

ME, OKAY? DERWIN DAVIS.

THE "SHHH, BOOM" RISING KID.

>> YEAH. IT HURTS, DON'T IT?

>> DAMN RIGHT IT HURTS.

I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS,

MALIK.

>> DAWG, WE NEVER DO, OKAY?

ESPECIALLY YOU.

YOU'RE CHURCH BOY.

WHEN YOU SMILE,

AN ANGEL GETS HIS WINGS.

BUT SERIOUSLY, DAWG, ONE OF

THE THINGS THAT I LEARNED, D,

IS THAT YOU CAN'T BELIEVE

YOUR OWN HYPE WHETHER IT BE

GOOD OR BAD.

YOU ALWAYS GOT TO KEEP BOTH

OF YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND

NO MATTER WHAT'S GOING ON.

>> AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED

TO DO THAT?

IT'S LIKE EVERYWHERE I TURN,

THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT ME,

EITHER BREAKING ME DOWN

OR BREAKING THE PLAY DOWN.

>> DAWG, YOU KNOW YOU AIN'T

DOING NOTHING WRONG.

LET THE HATERS DO WHAT

THEY DO BEST.

YOU JUST WORRY ABOUT NEXT WEEK.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

YOU BACK IN THE MIX.

>> YEAH. TODAY.

SHOOT, I COULD EASILY GO BACK

TO MOST HATED TOMORROW.

AND THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT TO

LEARN, MAN.

REPUTATIONS ARE FRAGILE.

FAME IS FLEETING.

>> IS THAT JAY-Z?

>> NO, THAT'S ME, DAWG.

DAMN, I REALLY AM BACK. HA!

BUT IT'S THE TRUTH, ALL RIGHT?

AND MAYBE IT'S A GOOD THING

THAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU, D.

>> HOW?

>> SO YOU CAN STOP WORRYING

ABOUT YOUR LITTLE SQUEAKY-CLEAN

IMAGE AND REALIZE FAME IS LIKE

A...A STRIPPER.

>> [ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

>> HOLD ON.

YO, HOLLER AT YOUR BOY.

ARE YOU FREAKING KID--

FIRST COUSIN?

ARE YOU SURE?

WHOSE SIDE?

[ SIGHS ] DAMN.

OKAY, OKAY. FIRST COUSIN.

FIRST COUSIN. BYE.

>> YOU GOOD?

>> YEAH, MAN.

HEY, DO YOUR BOY A FAVOR.

TAKE OLD GIRL WITH THE FATTY

WHEN YOU LEAVE.

WHEN YOU LEAVE. I AIN'T GOT NO USE FOR HER NOW.

I AIN'T GOT NO USE FOR HER NOW.

>> HEY. ARE YOU OKAY?

>> I-I'M NOT -- I'M NOT --

>> I-I'M NOT -- I'M NOT -- I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

>> UM, LOOK, I KNOW THIS ISN'T

THE RIGHT TIME FOR YOU,

BUT I NEED TO HAVE A TRUTH

MOMENT WITH YOU.

>> COOL, 'CAUSE I NEED TO

HAVE A TRUTH MOMENT WITH YOU.

>> I WANT TASHA TO BE OUR

SURROGATE.

>> I MISSED THAT BLOCK ON

PURPOSE.

>> DID YOU JUST SAY YOU MISSED

THE BLOCK ON PURPOSE?

>> WAIT A MINUTE.

DID YOU JUST SAY YOU WANT

TASHA TO BE OUR SURROGATE?

>> OH, MY GOD, DERWIN.

THAT'S HORRIBLE.

>> WELL, YOURS IS WORSE!

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE EVEN

CAPABLE OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE TASHA'S

CAPABLE OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

AIN'T SHE AN ELDERLY WOMAN?

AIN'T SHE AN ELDERLY WOMAN? >> YOU'RE AN ASS.

>> YOU'RE AN ASS.

>> WOW. I-I'M AN ASS?

WELL, THEN, OBVIOUSLY THERE'S

A LOT YOU STILL DON'T KNOW

ABOUT ME.

>> YEAH, WELL, THEN WHO ARE YOU?

BATMAN?

>> I'M JUST DERWIN.

BUT THERE'S TWO OF ME.

THERE'S DERWIN, AND THERE'S

DERWIN BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

YOU'VE SEEN

"THE USUAL SUSPECTS."

>> YEAH, YOU MADE ME WATCH IT

EVERY SINGLE DAY IN COLLEGE.

>> OKAY, WELL, JUST LIKE

KEYSER SOZE, I CAN MORPH INTO

A CALCULATING, SELF-PRESERVING

ASSASSIN ON THAT FIELD,

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO

PROTECTING ME, MY FAMILY,

AND THIS LEGACY.

>> DERWIN, KWAN IS REALLY HURT.

HIS SEASON IS PROBABLY FINISHED,

MAYBE EVEN HIS CAREER.

I MEAN, HIS LIFE PLANS COULD

BE OVER ALL BECAUSE OF WHAT

YOU DID.

>> LOOK, LOOK, I DIDN'T KNOW

IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN LIKE THAT,

ALL RIGHT, AND I'M SORRY IT

WENT DOWN THAT WAY.

BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN

YOU THREATEN THE LEGACY.

>> [ SIGHS ]

GOD, HERE YOU GO WITH

THE LEGACY.

>> WHAT YOU MEAN, HERE I GO

WITH THE LEGACY?

MELANIE, THE LEGACY'S SUPPOSED

TO BE BOTH OF US.

>> YES, BUT I DIDN'T WANT

IT LIKE THIS!

>> BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY,

MELANIE, REMEMBER?

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. >> [ SCOFFS ]

>> [ SCOFFS ]

SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

ANYTHING THAT GETS IN YOUR WAY,

YOU EITHER KILL IT OR DON'T

BLOCK FOR IT?

WHETHER IT'S KWAN, MY FRIENDSHIP

WITH TASHA, OR MY CAREER?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M STARTING TO WONDER IF THIS

OTHER DERWIN IS THE REASON I'M

LIVING YOUR DREAMS AND NOT MINE.

>> WHAT THE HELL YOU

TALKING ABOUT? HUH?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT

TO SAY TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

>> YOU CAN START BY SAYING

YOU UNDERSTAND!

>> I CAN'T, DERWIN!

>> I CAN'T, DERWIN! >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN'T?!

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN'T?!

YOU KNOW, IT'S COOL.

I GET IT.

>> OH, SO WE'RE DONE?

I MEAN, WE DIDN'T EVEN GET

TO DISCUSS MY TRUTH.

>> YOUR TRUTH?

>> YES. TASHA CARRYING OUR BABY.

>> OKAY, SO LET ME GET THIS

STRAIGHT.

YOU WANT A BABY SO BAD THAT

YOU'RE WILLING TO LET SOMEONE

YOU HADN'T SPOKEN TO IN MONTHS

CARRY IT BUT YOU CAN'T

UNDERSTAND WHY I'M FIGHTING

SO HARD FOR THE LEGACY?

>> GOD, ENOUGH WITH THE LEGACY!

IT SOUNDS SO STUPID!

I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT PART

OF THE ROYAL FAMILY!

>> AND JUST SO YOU KNOW,

TASHA'S NOT A PART OF THIS ONE.

>> OKAY, SO WE'RE NOT GONNA GO

THROUGH WITH THE SURROGACY

BECAUSE OF THE LEGACY?

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH. AND I'M DONE TALKING ABOUT IT.

AND I'M DONE TALKING ABOUT IT.

>> FINE, DERWIN! FINE!

[ SIGHS ]

>> [ DOOR CLOSES ]

>> [ DOOR CLOSES ] >> YOU WIN AGAIN.

>> YOU WIN AGAIN.

>> YOU WIN AGAIN. [ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ] >> ♪

>> ♪

>> ♪ ♪♪

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