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>> OKEYDOKEY.
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LET'S SEE, THAT'S ONE FOR ME...
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ONE FOR THE LITTLE MAN WITH THE
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HOT-WING PLAN.
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>> THANK YOU, SIR.
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>> OH, AND NONE FOR THE FORMERLY
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PILL-TOPPING YET RECENTLY SOBER,
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TERMINALLY BENCH-WARMING
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SABERS QUARTERBACK.
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AND, OH, NADA FOR THE
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CRANBERRY-JUICE-SIPPING,
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VAJAYJAY-WHIPPED CHURCH BOY,
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WHICH MAKES ME HAPPY I SPRUNG
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FOR THE GOOD STUFF.
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>> YES, SIR.
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>> TINK.
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>> ALL RIGHT, MAN, SO, WHAT...
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>> ALL RIGHT, MAN, SO, WHAT...
[ GULPING ]
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[ GULPING ]
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>> [ SIGHS ]
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WHAT Y'ALL FOOLS LOOKING AT?
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>> UH, NOTHING, NOTHING.
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OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
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LET'S TRY TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
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ALL RIGHT? WHAT HAPPENED?
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SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR
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GRANDMA?
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>> WHAT, IS SHE STILL SORE AT ME
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ALLEGEDLY STEALING HER CHICKEN
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RECIPE?
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'CAUSE Y'ALL KNOW I USE PAPRIKA,
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RIGHT?
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>> GRAMS IS COOL, AND I'M
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THE FONZ.
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WHAT, A GROWN MAN CAN'T HAVE A
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BEER EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?
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COME ON.
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COME ON, LET'S GET THIS GAME
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GOING.
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I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR MONEY.
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>> ALL RIGHT.
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>> OKAY.
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>> IF YOU INSIST.
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>> ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'M
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GONNA --
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>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]
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>> MM-HMM.
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>> MM-HMM.
MELANIE CAN'T HAVE NO BABIES.
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MELANIE CAN'T HAVE NO BABIES.
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>> DAWG, SHE CAUGHT THE
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INFERTILITY?
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>> [ SCOFFS ]
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>> IT'S NOT A DISEASE, MAN.
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IT JUST MEANS THAT EITHER A
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WOMAN CAN'T CONCEIVE OR SHE
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CAN'T CARRY A BABY TO FULL TERM.
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>> SHE CAN'T GET PREGNANT?
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>> THAT'S A BIG LOSS.
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ALTHOUGH, FINANCIALLY, HAVING A
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KID OVER HERE, BEACH HOUSE IN
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KAUAI OVER HERE -- NOT A BAD
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FALLBACK.
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KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
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>> HEY, YOU GUYS, IT'S NO BIG
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DEAL, OKAY?
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'CAUSE MELANIE AND I BOTH ARE
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WORKING ON SOME OPTIONS.
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ALL RIGHT?
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TONS OF THINGS GOING ON.
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>> MM.
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>> KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
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BUT LET'S FORGET IT, 'CAUSE
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TONIGHT, I'M GONNA HANG WITH
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MY BOYS.
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AND TEE TEE.
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[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
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>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
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YOU AND YOUR GRANDMA ARE HATERS.
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>> [ CHUCKLES ]
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>> AAH!
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>> [ BARKING ]
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>> ALL RIGHT, COOL.
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>> HEY, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
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THE CHICKENS ARE HERE.
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>> I COULD TELL YOU SOME RUMORS
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ALREADY.
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>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF HOW
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HUNGRY YOU ARE FOR THESE
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CHICKENS.
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>> MM-HMM. HOPE THEY GOT MY
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FAVORITE FLAVOR -- LEMON PEPPER.
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>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]
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GENTLEMEN...
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WE GOT LEGS, WE WE GOT BREASTS,
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AND CHICKEN NECKS.
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>> WHAT THE HELL?
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TEE TEE, WHAT'S GOING ON?
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>> OH, YEAH, BOY, WHEN YOU SAID
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YOUR GIRL WAS GONE FOR THE
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NIGHT, WE FIGURED THAT WAS CODE
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FOR "BRING MORE GIRLS."
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THEN YOUR LITTLE BABY SEGUE
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INTERRUPTED.
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CHARLINDA, WHAT'S UP, GIRL?
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WHAT YOU GOT FOR US?
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>> SPECIAL BROWNIES.
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>> MMM. GIRL, EVERYTHING YOU
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TOUCH IS SPECIAL!
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[ BARKING ]
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>> I KNOW.
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[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
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>> WHOA, WHOA, SWEETHEART!
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WHERE'D YOU GET THAT PLATE FROM?
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MY WIFE'S GRANDMOTHER GAVE US
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THAT CHINA.
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SHE GONNA KILL ME.
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>> IT'S OKAY.
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WE CAN USE PAPER PLATES.
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>> UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
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IT'S ALL GOOD.
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YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE, AND SOME
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NOT AT ALL.
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YOU GUYS EAT THAT CHICKEN LIKE
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IT'S YOUR LAST.
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ENJOY.
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>> THIS IS LOOKING SO CUTE.
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>> MM-HMM.
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YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA THROW MY
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WEAVE BACK IN.
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[ BOTH LAUGH ]
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>> OKAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
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>> I THINK YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY
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MADE ME LOOK LIKE CELIE.
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>> WHAT?
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[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
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>> ROOM SERVICE.
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>> OOH.
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>> WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE
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ROOM SERVICE AT A SLUMBER PARTY.
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>> GIRL, ONE MORE RULE ABOUT
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YOUR SLUMBER PARTIES, AND I'M
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GONNA THROW YOU OUT THE EXPRESS
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ELEVATOR ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
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THAT WINDOW.
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BESIDES, YOU'RE GONNA THANK ME
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FOR THIS.
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>> BUENAS TARDES, SEÑORAMACK.
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>> BUENAS TARDES,ERNESTO.
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ALL RIGHT.
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SAY HOLATO ERNESTO.
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>> HOLA.
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>> [ CHUCKLES ]
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>> BUENAS TARDES, SENORITA.
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>> DO YOU WANT IT HERE?
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>> [ GASPS ]
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OH.
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>> LA FRUTA.
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>> OH, Sí.
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GRACIAS.
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[ CHUCKLING ]
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HOLD IT!
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UH, WON'T YOU PUT IT OVER ON --
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ALLí.
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>> Sí, SENORA.
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>> [ CHUCKLES ]
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>> UH-HUH. HMM.
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GRACIAS.
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[ SIGHS ]
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>> [ SIGHS ]
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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>> I DON'T DO CRACKERS.
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KEEP THEM.
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[ LAUGHS ]
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>> CLARO.
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>> CLARO.
>> OH, HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
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>> OH, HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
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>> [ LAUGHS ]
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>> OW!
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>> GRACIAS.
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>> UH-HUH.
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[ SPEAKING SPANISH ]
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>> ADIOS.
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>> ADIOS.
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>> ADIOS, ADIOS.
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>> OKAY. MMM, MMM, MMM. MMM!
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GIRL, IF MY BODY IS A TEMPLE,
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I WANT THAT MAN PRAYING INSIDE
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OF ME.
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>> MMM.
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>> WHOO!
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>> HIS LOOKS ARE BUENO.
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VERY, VERY BUENO.
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>> MM-HMM.
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>> LATASHA, WOULD YOU REALLY DO
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IT WITH A ROOM-SERVICE WAITER?
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[ BOTH LAUGH ]
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I MEAN, AFTER ALL THAT YOU JUST
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WENT THROUGH?
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I MEAN, YOU WERE HUMILIATED BY A
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MALE PROSTITUTE.
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>> GIRL, ERNESTO CAN ONLY SPEAK
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ABOUT 10 WORDS OF ENGLISH, OKAY?
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SO I AIN'T WORRIED ABOUT MY
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BUSINESS BEING ALL OUT ON THE
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STREET...
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EXCEPT MAYBE SOUTH OF THE
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BORDER.
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MMM. SOUTH OF THE BORDER.
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>> OKAY, TASHA, SO, DO YOU HAVE
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ANY IDEA HOW MANY MEN YOU'VE
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SLEPT WITH?
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>> HEIFER, OF COURSE I DO.
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>> OKAY, HOW MANY?
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>> RICK FOX. BAM. 'NUFF SAID.
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>> AND SINCE THEN?
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>> OKAY, LOOK, THERE WAS, UH,
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THERE WAS BERNARDO, THERE WAS
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BO, DANTE.
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>> OKAY, WHAT ABOUT BEFORE RICK?
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>> WELL, OH, LORD, I GOT TO
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START ALL THE WAY AT THE
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BEGINNING.
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>> OOH!
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I'LL GET A PIECE OF PAPER.
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>> OKAY, BUT, LOOK, I'M ONLY
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GONNA NEED A POST-IT.
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AND A PENCIL WITH AN ERASER.
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ALL THEM ACTS WASN'T PERFORMED
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INSIDE MY TEMPLE.
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]
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>> WANT SOME CHAMPAGNE, MALIK?
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>> NO, BABY, I'M HIGH OFF LIFE.
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LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
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YOU'RE UP IN HERE IN THIS BIG
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OLD BEAUTIFUL HOUSE.
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I KNOW THEY GOT SOME CRYSTAL
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GLASSES, AND HERE YOU ARE,
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DRINKING OUT THE BOTTLE.
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DIDN'T YOUR MAMA TEACH YOU NO
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MANNERS?
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YOU KNOW WHAT? GIVE ME THIS.
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I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A BIRD BATH.
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HA HA HA!
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NOW, PUT THAT IN THE RECYCLING
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BIN.
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OH, LOOK.
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>> WHOO!
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>> J.?
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>> EW.
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>> I'M JUST SAYIN', I GOT TO BE
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HONEST, THIS SURE BEATS A POKER
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PARTY, MAN.
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>> HELL, YEAH, AND AT THE END OF
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THE NIGHT, YOU CAN JUST HAND ME
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THE $400 YOU WOULD HAVE LOST,
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SUCKER.
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>> [ LAUGHS ] I DON'T THINK SO.
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>> HEY, MAN, LOOK.
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>> WHAT?
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>> I KNOW THAT YOU AND MIRANDA
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MUST BE REALLY UPSET ABOUT THIS
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WHOLE INFERTILITY THING.
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>> MELANIE.
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>> WHATEVER. MY POINT IS THIS --
267
00:06:06,379 --> 00:06:07,999
KIDS ARE OVERRATED.
268
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:08,860
OKAY?
269
00:06:08,862 --> 00:06:09,662
>> MM-HMM.
270
00:06:09,655 --> 00:06:10,305
>> ONE DAY, YOU'RE ROCKING
271
00:06:10,310 --> 00:06:11,000
THE CRADLE, THE NEXT DAY,
272
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:11,760
THEY'RE ROCKING THE INTERNET IN
273
00:06:11,758 --> 00:06:12,338
A BRA AND PANTIES.
274
00:06:12,344 --> 00:06:13,074
YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT ONE,
275
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:13,688
HOMEBOY.
276
00:06:13,689 --> 00:06:14,689
>> WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS,
277
00:06:14,689 --> 00:06:15,339
KNOWING I GOT A KID?
278
00:06:15,344 --> 00:06:16,314
REMEMBER?
279
00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:17,790
>> YEAH, HE'S MY GODSON.
280
00:06:17,793 --> 00:06:19,593
OF COURSE I REMEMBER LITTLE --
281
00:06:19,586 --> 00:06:20,786
LITTLE, UH...
282
00:06:20,793 --> 00:06:21,483
Pbht!
283
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:22,902
I'M GONNA SAY RAPPER?
284
00:06:22,896 --> 00:06:23,826
>> LITTLE D.J.
285
00:06:23,827 --> 00:06:24,617
>> D.J. YEAH, WHATEVER.
286
00:06:24,620 --> 00:06:25,280
I WAS CLOSE.
287
00:06:25,275 --> 00:06:27,065
>> HEY, EITHER OF YOU BOYS WANT
288
00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:28,828
ONE OF MY SPECIAL BROWNIES?
289
00:06:28,827 --> 00:06:29,827
>> UH, UNH-UNH.
290
00:06:29,827 --> 00:06:32,097
CAN'T RISK THE SIX-PACK.
291
00:06:32,103 --> 00:06:34,103
YOU UNDERSTAND?
292
00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,073
>> YEAH, WELL, I CAN.
293
00:06:36,068 --> 00:06:37,068
I'M RETIRED.
294
00:06:37,068 --> 00:06:38,968
>> DRINK IT IN...PITTS.
295
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,615
>> MMM. YOU KNOW WHAT?
296
00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:41,550
I'LL TAKE HIS, TOO.
297
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:42,861
>> [ LAUGHS ]
298
00:06:42,862 --> 00:06:43,832
>> PULL YOUR SHIRT DOWN,
299
00:06:43,827 --> 00:06:44,477
DINGDONG.
300
00:06:44,482 --> 00:06:46,312
PEOPLE ARE EATING.
301
00:06:46,310 --> 00:06:48,280
>> THEN THERE WAS THE GUY FROM
302
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:49,995
THE TOURING COMPANY OF "PURLIE."
303
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,590
THE BIGGER THEY COME, THE HARDER
304
00:06:51,586 --> 00:06:52,616
THEY FALL.
305
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,280
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
306
00:06:54,275 --> 00:06:55,065
>> SO, DOES THAT MEAN YOU DID
307
00:06:55,068 --> 00:06:55,758
HIM?
308
00:06:55,758 --> 00:06:56,788
>> YOU MIGHT WANT TO WRITE
309
00:06:56,793 --> 00:06:57,723
"'PURLIE' ONE."
310
00:06:57,724 --> 00:06:59,174
I HAD A LITTLE BOOTY CALL WHEN I
311
00:06:59,172 --> 00:07:00,522
WENT TO SEE IT ON BROADWAY.
312
00:07:00,517 --> 00:07:02,897
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
313
00:07:02,896 --> 00:07:03,786
>> OKAY, OKAY, I'LL WRITE
314
00:07:03,793 --> 00:07:04,663
"'PURLIE' NUMBER ONE" AND
315
00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:05,475
"'PURLIE' NUMBER TWO."
316
00:07:05,482 --> 00:07:06,142
>> OKAY.
317
00:07:06,137 --> 00:07:07,517
ALL RIGHT, SO, HOW MANY IS THAT?
318
00:07:07,517 --> 00:07:08,477
>> LET'S SEE.
319
00:07:08,482 --> 00:07:11,032
83.
320
00:07:11,034 --> 00:07:12,004
>> YOU'RE LYING!
321
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,450
GIRL, YOU MUST HAVE MISCOUNTED!
322
00:07:13,448 --> 00:07:14,408
>> NO!
323
00:07:14,413 --> 00:07:17,103
TASHA, POST-ITS DON'T LIE.
324
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,593
>> OH, LORD, GIRL, I DONE BARELY
325
00:07:18,586 --> 00:07:19,786
SCRATCHED THE MILLENNIUM.
326
00:07:19,793 --> 00:07:22,033
OH, LORD.
327
00:07:22,034 --> 00:07:23,214
ALL THIS TIME, I'VE BEEN CALLING
328
00:07:23,206 --> 00:07:25,546
EVERYBODY ELSE A HO, AND I'M THE
329
00:07:25,551 --> 00:07:26,861
BIGGEST HO OF THEM ALL.
330
00:07:26,862 --> 00:07:28,242
>> OH, TASHA, IT'S OKAY.
331
00:07:28,241 --> 00:07:30,341
YOU'RE NOT A H-- WELL, YOU'RE IN
332
00:07:30,344 --> 00:07:31,724
THE VICINITY OF HO AND
333
00:07:31,724 --> 00:07:33,244
DEFINITELY STROLLING HO BLOCK,
334
00:07:33,241 --> 00:07:34,721
BUT IT'S OKAY.
335
00:07:34,724 --> 00:07:35,764
EVERYBODY'S DONE SOMETHING WE'RE
336
00:07:35,758 --> 00:07:36,518
ASHAMED OF.
337
00:07:36,517 --> 00:07:37,827
>> OKAY, SO, YOU GONNA TELL ME
338
00:07:37,827 --> 00:07:38,997
THAT YOU SLEPT WITH 83 GUYS?
339
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:39,790
>> OH, HELL, NO.
340
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:40,693
I'VE BARELY SLEPT WITH A
341
00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:41,379
HANDFUL.
342
00:07:41,379 --> 00:07:42,659
>> [ SCOFFS ]
343
00:07:42,655 --> 00:07:43,545
[ Sarcastically ] WOW.
344
00:07:43,551 --> 00:07:44,621
THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
345
00:07:44,620 --> 00:07:47,660
[ PAGES FLIPPING ]
346
00:07:47,655 --> 00:07:49,995
>> [ SIGHS ]
347
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,450
OKAY, WELL...
348
00:07:52,448 --> 00:07:54,168
BECAUSE I HAD AN ABORTION WITH
349
00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:56,722
ONE OF THEM...
350
00:07:56,724 --> 00:07:58,214
DERWIN AND I MAY NEVER BE ABLE
351
00:07:58,206 --> 00:07:59,826
TO HAVE A BABY.
352
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:02,787
TO HAVE A BABY.
>> WHAT?
353
00:08:02,793 --> 00:08:07,623
>> WHAT?
354
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,070
>> I MEAN, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED
355
00:08:09,068 --> 00:08:12,138
TO DO, HAVE TREY WIGGS' BABY?
356
00:08:12,137 --> 00:08:14,517
I WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH DERWIN.
357
00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:16,237
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE END OF
358
00:08:16,241 --> 00:08:17,001
THAT DREAM.
359
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,520
>> YOU DID WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS
360
00:08:18,517 --> 00:08:19,277
RIGHT.
361
00:08:19,275 --> 00:08:20,025
>> [ SCOFFS ]
362
00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:22,794
AND LOOK WHAT IT GOT ME.
363
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:23,763
[ Voice breaking ] I PROBABLY
364
00:08:23,758 --> 00:08:24,688
NEVERWILL BE ABLE TO GET
365
00:08:24,689 --> 00:08:26,309
PREGNANT OR CARRY A CHILD.
366
00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:28,310
>> YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
367
00:08:28,310 --> 00:08:29,070
>> [ SIGHS ]
368
00:08:29,068 --> 00:08:30,378
>> THE ABORTION MAY NOT HAVE
369
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:31,789
ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT.
370
00:08:31,793 --> 00:08:32,863
>> WHATEVER.
371
00:08:32,861 --> 00:08:33,691
[ SIGHS ]
372
00:08:33,688 --> 00:08:35,378
IT WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAULT.
373
00:08:35,379 --> 00:08:36,659
>> OKAY, YOU STOP.
374
00:08:36,655 --> 00:08:38,095
YOU STOP THAT.
375
00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:38,972
COME ON, NOW.
376
00:08:38,965 --> 00:08:39,755
>> [ SNIFFLES ]
377
00:08:39,758 --> 00:08:40,788
>> GIRL, THIS MIGHT BE A
378
00:08:40,793 --> 00:08:42,453
BLESSING IN DISGUISE.
379
00:08:42,448 --> 00:08:43,968
LOOK, YOU AND DERWIN, YOU GUYS
380
00:08:43,965 --> 00:08:45,135
HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIVES
381
00:08:45,137 --> 00:08:45,897
TOGETHER.
382
00:08:45,896 --> 00:08:47,446
Y'ALL CAN SPEND CHRISTMAS IN
383
00:08:47,448 --> 00:08:49,408
PARIS....
384
00:08:49,413 --> 00:08:50,523
INSTEAD OF BEING AT HOME, TRYING
385
00:08:50,517 --> 00:08:51,687
TO PUT TOGETHER A DAMN PEDAL CAR
386
00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:52,719
THAT YOUR KID GONNA BREAK IN
387
00:08:52,724 --> 00:08:54,214
10 MINUTES.
388
00:08:54,206 --> 00:08:54,966
>> STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL
389
00:08:54,965 --> 00:08:55,615
BETTER.
390
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:56,480
>> NO, IT'S THE TRUTH.
391
00:08:56,482 --> 00:08:57,522
I'M TELLING YOU, KIDS -- THEY
392
00:08:57,517 --> 00:08:58,477
AIN'T NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.
393
00:08:58,482 --> 00:08:59,662
WHAT YOU DO, YOU RAISE THEM
394
00:08:59,655 --> 00:09:00,995
RIGHT, YOU TEACH THEM HOW TO
395
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,970
THROW A BALL...
396
00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:03,965
YOU GET THEM OUT THE HOOD.
397
00:09:03,965 --> 00:09:04,855
AND THEN WHAT THEY DO?
398
00:09:04,862 --> 00:09:05,792
THEY GO MAKE A NAME FOR
399
00:09:05,793 --> 00:09:06,553
THEMSELVES, BUILD A
400
00:09:06,551 --> 00:09:07,721
MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR HOUSE, LOSE
401
00:09:07,724 --> 00:09:08,974
ALL THEY MONEY, AND END UP RIGHT
402
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,855
BACK WHERE THEY STARTED --
403
00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:13,282
PUBLIC HOUSING.
404
00:09:13,275 --> 00:09:14,965
[ SIGHS ]
405
00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,925
WE GONNA NEED SOME MORE WINE.
406
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,341
>> WE'RE GONNA NEED SOMETHING
407
00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:20,624
STRONGER THAN THAT.
408
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:23,660
>> TEQUILA IT IS.
409
00:09:23,655 --> 00:09:26,925
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
410
00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:28,621
>> OH, I LOVE YOU, CELIE.
411
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:30,210
>> [ GASPS ]
412
00:09:30,206 --> 00:09:31,656
>> YEAH, I USED TO HAVE A
413
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,165
BIG-ASS MANSION AND ALL THE
414
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:33,862
TOYS.
415
00:09:33,862 --> 00:09:35,242
SHOOT. ONCE YOU START OWNING
416
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,861
THAT STUFF, IT STARTS TO OWN
417
00:09:36,862 --> 00:09:37,552
YOU.
418
00:09:37,551 --> 00:09:38,721
HAD TO PULL THE STAKES UP.
419
00:09:38,724 --> 00:09:39,764
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
420
00:09:39,758 --> 00:09:40,408
[ CHUCKLES ]
421
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,453
NOW I'M CRIBBING AT THE
422
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:42,478
EASTERN HOTEL.
423
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,142
YEP.
424
00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:46,067
>> THIS HERE IS A HOTEL?
425
00:09:46,068 --> 00:09:47,898
>> GIVE ME THE BOTTLE.
426
00:09:47,896 --> 00:09:48,786
>> OH.
427
00:09:48,793 --> 00:09:49,793
>> GIVE ME THE BOTTLE.
428
00:09:49,793 --> 00:09:50,663
WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST
429
00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:51,335
GLASSES?
430
00:09:51,344 --> 00:09:53,314
GLASSES.
431
00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:55,030
WILL YOU GUYS PLEASE TELL ME I
432
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:56,724
WAS NOT THAT DAMN IGNORANT
433
00:09:56,724 --> 00:09:58,244
BEFORE MY SOBRIETY.
434
00:09:58,241 --> 00:09:59,791
>> SHH, SHH. SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
435
00:09:59,793 --> 00:10:02,073
I'M REASSEMBLING THE CHICKEN.
436
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,308
>> WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH
437
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,140
YOU?
438
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:04,927
>> "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG
439
00:10:04,931 --> 00:10:05,591
WITH YOU?"
440
00:10:05,586 --> 00:10:06,516
THAT'S HOW YOU SPEAK TO A
441
00:10:06,517 --> 00:10:07,407
PALEONTOLOGIST?
442
00:10:07,413 --> 00:10:08,833
>> [ LAUGHS ]
443
00:10:08,827 --> 00:10:10,717
>> YOU GONNA EAT ALL THAT
444
00:10:10,724 --> 00:10:11,864
CHICKEN BY YOURSELF?
445
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,522
>> [ Chuckling ] DUDE.
446
00:10:13,517 --> 00:10:14,547
DINGDONG TOLD ME IT WERE GOOD.
447
00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:16,101
HE DIDN'T TELL ME HOWGOOD,
448
00:10:16,103 --> 00:10:17,793
HOWCRISP, HOWFLAVORFUL,
449
00:10:17,793 --> 00:10:18,973
HOW...
450
00:10:18,965 --> 00:10:20,785
DELICATE.
451
00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:21,663
THEY'RE DELICATE.
452
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:22,475
I'M JUST SAYING.
453
00:10:22,482 --> 00:10:23,662
THEY'RE THE PERFECT COMBINATION
454
00:10:23,655 --> 00:10:25,475
OF SALT AND SPICE, STYLE AND
455
00:10:25,482 --> 00:10:27,452
SUBSTANCE, ASHFORD AND SIMPSON.
456
00:10:27,448 --> 00:10:28,588
[ CHUCKLES ]
457
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:29,756
>> [ LAUGHS ]
458
00:10:29,758 --> 00:10:31,658
WHAT IS THAT, PAPRIKA?!
459
00:10:31,655 --> 00:10:33,235
TEE TEE, YOU'RE A WARLOCK.
460
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:34,551
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
461
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,831
>> DAWG, DID YOU HAVE SOME OF
462
00:10:35,827 --> 00:10:36,687
THOSE BROWNIES, JASON?
463
00:10:36,689 --> 00:10:37,379
>> WHAT?
464
00:10:37,379 --> 00:10:38,549
>> DID HAVE YOU SOME OF THE
465
00:10:38,551 --> 00:10:39,551
BROWNIES, JASON?
466
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:40,691
>> YEAH, HAD ABOUT FOUR OR FIVE
467
00:10:40,689 --> 00:10:41,719
OF THEM, BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I
468
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:42,764
WAS LIFTED TO THE HIGHEST
469
00:10:42,758 --> 00:10:43,618
HEIGHTS...
470
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:45,970
ON THE ANGELIC WINGS OF CHICKEN.
471
00:10:45,965 --> 00:10:47,855
[ CLUCKING ]
472
00:10:47,862 --> 00:10:48,862
>> WHAT ABOUT YOU, DAWG?
473
00:10:48,862 --> 00:10:50,072
YOU HAVE SOME OF THE BROWNIES?
474
00:10:50,068 --> 00:10:51,308
>> WHAT?!
475
00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:52,340
>> DINGDONG, DID HAVE YOU SOME
476
00:10:52,344 --> 00:10:53,004
BROWNIES?
477
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,900
>> NINJA, ARE YOU CRAZY?
478
00:10:54,896 --> 00:10:55,896
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU SEEN
479
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:57,066
THIS BODY, MAN?
480
00:10:57,068 --> 00:10:58,278
I DON'T PUT NOTHING IN IT THAT'S
481
00:10:58,275 --> 00:10:59,205
NOT NUTRITIOUS.
482
00:10:59,206 --> 00:11:03,026
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
483
00:11:03,034 --> 00:11:04,834
MATTER OF FACT, I WANT TO POUR
484
00:11:04,827 --> 00:11:06,857
SOME OUT FOR MY HOMIES THAT ARE
485
00:11:06,862 --> 00:11:08,002
NOT HERE, ESPECIALLY MY FROZEN
486
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,860
EMBRYOS...
487
00:11:09,862 --> 00:11:13,522
DUKE, TERESA, LUCA,
488
00:11:13,517 --> 00:11:17,687
CHARLIE, SHEEN, MARA, CELINE,
489
00:11:17,689 --> 00:11:19,619
ICE CUBE.
490
00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:20,550
>> DINGDONG, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL,
491
00:11:20,551 --> 00:11:23,481
MAN.
492
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:24,312
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, DAWG?
493
00:11:24,310 --> 00:11:26,240
OKAY, LOOK, SIT DOWN, DAWG.
494
00:11:26,241 --> 00:11:27,661
SIT YOUR ASS -- OKAY, SIT DOWN.
495
00:11:27,655 --> 00:11:28,855
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO GRAB.
496
00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:30,072
>> SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, DAWG.
497
00:11:30,068 --> 00:11:30,898
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
498
00:11:30,896 --> 00:11:32,236
>> AND, YOU, THE BROWNIES THAT
499
00:11:32,241 --> 00:11:33,311
YOU ATE GOT SOMETHING EXTRA IN
500
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:34,000
THEM.
501
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:34,830
>> WHAT WAS IT, PEANUTS?
502
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:35,477
>> NO.
503
00:11:35,482 --> 00:11:36,172
>> YOU KNOW I'M ALLERGIC TO
504
00:11:36,172 --> 00:11:36,832
PEANUTS.
505
00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:37,997
I'M ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS!
506
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:38,660
>> JASON --
507
00:11:38,655 --> 00:11:39,925
>> I'M ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS!
508
00:11:39,931 --> 00:11:41,311
LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.
509
00:11:41,310 --> 00:11:42,660
WHO HAS AN EpiPen?
510
00:11:42,655 --> 00:11:43,305
WE NEED A MEDIC!
511
00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:44,210
>> IT IS NOT PEANUTS, MAN.
512
00:11:44,206 --> 00:11:44,896
>> I CAN FEEL MY THROAT
513
00:11:44,896 --> 00:11:45,586
CLOSING IN.
514
00:11:45,586 --> 00:11:46,306
POKE IT WITH A PEN.
515
00:11:46,310 --> 00:11:47,000
>> COME HERE.
516
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,000
>> WE GOT TO POKE IT WITH A PEN.
517
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,410
>> COME HERE.
518
00:11:49,413 --> 00:11:50,453
IT AIN'T PEANUTS.
519
00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:51,098
>> HUH?
520
00:11:51,103 --> 00:11:53,243
>> OKAY?
521
00:11:53,241 --> 00:11:54,761
SOMETHING HERBAL, ALL RIGHT?
522
00:11:54,758 --> 00:11:55,998
NOW, JUST ENJOY THE LITTLE
523
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,450
ROLLER COASTER YOU'RE ON AND
524
00:11:57,448 --> 00:11:58,378
JUST RELAX, OKAY?
525
00:11:58,379 --> 00:11:59,029
JUST CHILL.
526
00:11:59,034 --> 00:12:00,794
>> CHILL?! CHILL?
527
00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:02,343
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHILL?
528
00:12:02,344 --> 00:12:04,034
HUH?
529
00:12:04,034 --> 00:12:05,214
[ CHUCKLES ]
530
00:12:05,206 --> 00:12:06,276
WHAT WAS I JUST TALKING ABOUT?
531
00:12:06,275 --> 00:12:06,965
>> UH...
532
00:12:06,965 --> 00:12:07,895
>> WHAT AM I DOING?
533
00:12:07,896 --> 00:12:09,096
LOOK AT THE MESS I'VE MADE OF
534
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:09,793
MY LIFE.
535
00:12:09,793 --> 00:12:12,903
I WAS A HORRIBLE HUSBAND.
536
00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:13,716
I'M A HORRIBLE FATHER.
537
00:12:13,724 --> 00:12:14,524
AM I A HORRIBLE FATHER?
538
00:12:14,517 --> 00:12:15,167
>> YES.
539
00:12:15,172 --> 00:12:15,902
>> OF COURSE I'M A HORRIBLE
540
00:12:15,896 --> 00:12:16,546
FATHER.
541
00:12:16,551 --> 00:12:17,481
I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON.
542
00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:18,662
I'M A HORRIBLE, LIGHT-SKINNED
543
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:19,515
BLACK PERSON.
544
00:12:19,517 --> 00:12:21,027
HORRIBLE ROLE MODEL.
545
00:12:21,034 --> 00:12:23,174
I -- I - I CHEAT ON MY TAXES.
546
00:12:23,172 --> 00:12:24,662
I HAVE A FAKE HANDICAP PLACARD.
547
00:12:24,655 --> 00:12:28,235
I DID STEROIDS.
548
00:12:28,241 --> 00:12:30,451
>> I KNEW YOU DID STEROIDS.
549
00:12:30,448 --> 00:12:32,028
>> [ LAUGHS ]
550
00:12:32,034 --> 00:12:33,664
I MEAN, I -- I KNEW.
551
00:12:33,655 --> 00:12:34,615
I KNEW YOU DID STEROIDS.
552
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:35,760
LIKE YOU -- YOU DID STEROIDS.
553
00:12:35,758 --> 00:12:36,658
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
554
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:37,305
STEROIDS?
555
00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:38,310
WHO SAID I DID STEROIDS?
556
00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:41,030
>> JASON?
557
00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:43,004
>> NO ONE SAID I DID STEROIDS.
558
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,310
>> NO ONE SAID YOU DID STEROIDS?
559
00:12:45,310 --> 00:12:48,550
>> [ MUTTERING ]
560
00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:52,001
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]
561
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,860
>> HEY, GIRL.
562
00:12:53,862 --> 00:12:55,592
SO, UH, RUMOR HAS IT THAT
563
00:12:55,586 --> 00:12:56,856
SOMEBODY IN HERE DID STEROIDS.
564
00:12:56,862 --> 00:12:57,972
YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT?
565
00:12:57,965 --> 00:12:59,235
>> NO.
566
00:12:59,241 --> 00:13:02,971
>> BOOGIE ON, REGGAE WOMAN.
567
00:13:02,965 --> 00:13:04,755
SAY, MAMA.
568
00:13:04,758 --> 00:13:06,788
SO, UH, WORD ON THE STREET IS
569
00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:07,623
THAT SOMEONE IN HERE IS ON THE
570
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,620
JUICE.
571
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:09,550
>> THE JUICE?
572
00:13:09,551 --> 00:13:10,551
WHAT KIND OF JUICE?
573
00:13:10,551 --> 00:13:11,551
GIN AND JUICE?
574
00:13:11,551 --> 00:13:13,761
GIN AND JUICE?
>> BOOGIE ON, REGGAE WOMAN.
575
00:13:13,758 --> 00:13:15,828
>> BOOGIE ON, REGGAE WOMAN.
576
00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:17,067
OKAY, MAKE IT STOP.
577
00:13:17,068 --> 00:13:18,858
PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.
578
00:13:18,862 --> 00:13:20,762
[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]
579
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,858
[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]
[ HUMMING ]
580
00:13:22,862 --> 00:13:26,662
[ HUMMING ]
581
00:13:26,655 --> 00:13:28,275
>> TASHA, YOU THINK GOD IS
582
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,965
PUNISHING ME FOR HAVING AN
583
00:13:29,965 --> 00:13:30,715
ABORTION?
584
00:13:30,724 --> 00:13:32,864
>> GIRL, THE LORD IS TOO BUSY TO
585
00:13:32,862 --> 00:13:34,692
BE WORRIED ABOUT YOU, OKAY?
586
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:37,309
HE BLOWING OUT VOLCANOS AND
587
00:13:37,310 --> 00:13:39,930
PICKING SUPER BOWL WINNERS.
588
00:13:39,931 --> 00:13:41,661
>> JUST BEEN SO HARD, NOT HAVING
589
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:43,065
ANYONE TO TALK TO, ESPECIALLY
590
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:43,758
DERWIN.
591
00:13:43,758 --> 00:13:44,478
>> MM.
592
00:13:44,482 --> 00:13:45,762
>> I MEAN, HE KNOWS THAT IT WAS
593
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,448
MY FAULT, BUT HE DOESN'T SAY IT,
594
00:13:47,448 --> 00:13:49,308
AND THAT I APPRECIATE, BUT I
595
00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:50,450
KNOW HE'S STILL THINKING IT.
596
00:13:50,448 --> 00:13:52,308
>> OR MAYBE HE ISN'T.
597
00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:53,520
OKAY, HONEY?
598
00:13:53,517 --> 00:13:55,027
WE HAVE ALL DONE THINGS IN OUR
599
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,344
PAST THAT WE ARE NOT PROUD OF.
600
00:13:56,344 --> 00:13:58,034
OKAY? I'VE DONE 83 AND COUNTING.
601
00:13:58,034 --> 00:13:59,314
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
602
00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:00,310
>> I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
603
00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:01,480
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.
604
00:14:01,482 --> 00:14:02,622
I JUST MAY HAVE TO CLOSE UP
605
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:03,590
SHOP.
606
00:14:03,586 --> 00:14:05,786
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
607
00:14:05,793 --> 00:14:07,103
>> I'M GONNA ROLL UP THAT
608
00:14:07,103 --> 00:14:07,933
WELCOME MAT.
609
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:08,831
>> [ LAUGHS ]
610
00:14:08,827 --> 00:14:10,477
>> I AM, AND I'M GONNA PUT A
611
00:14:10,482 --> 00:14:11,832
SIGN RIGHT THERE THAT'S GONNA
612
00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:13,687
SAY, "AFTER 26 YEARS OF SERVICE,
613
00:14:13,689 --> 00:14:16,239
THIS FACTORY IS NOW CLOSED."
614
00:14:16,241 --> 00:14:18,481
>> YOU DO NOT MEAN THAT.
615
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:20,282
>> YES, I DO!
616
00:14:20,275 --> 00:14:21,475
GIRL, WHY DO YOU THINK I MOVED
617
00:14:21,482 --> 00:14:22,792
TO THIS HOTEL?
618
00:14:22,793 --> 00:14:24,143
OKAY, I MEAN, YEAH, I WANTED TO
619
00:14:24,137 --> 00:14:25,377
FOCUS ON MALIK'S CAREER, BUT,
620
00:14:25,379 --> 00:14:27,239
GIRL, I'M SO TIRED OF COMING
621
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:29,001
HOME TO THAT BIG OLD LONELY
622
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:29,720
HOUSE.
623
00:14:29,724 --> 00:14:31,004
IT WAS, LIKE, EVERY NIGHT, IT
624
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,450
WAS JUST A CONSTANT REMINDER OF
625
00:14:32,448 --> 00:14:33,658
WHAT A FAILURE I AM WHEN IT
626
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:34,375
COMES TO LOVE.
627
00:14:34,379 --> 00:14:36,169
>> Tsk. YOU ARE NOT.
628
00:14:36,172 --> 00:14:37,862
>> YES, I AM.
629
00:14:37,862 --> 00:14:38,902
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHO HELPED ME
630
00:14:38,896 --> 00:14:39,686
PICK OUT THAT HOUSE?
631
00:14:39,689 --> 00:14:41,309
RICK.
632
00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:42,830
FAILURE.
633
00:14:42,827 --> 00:14:43,997
YOU KNOW WHO I TRIED TO FILL
634
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:44,720
THAT HOUSE WITH?
635
00:14:44,724 --> 00:14:45,904
DANTE.
636
00:14:45,896 --> 00:14:46,546
FAILURE.
637
00:14:46,551 --> 00:14:48,281
>> YEAH, TASHA, BUT THAT WAS IN
638
00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:48,965
THE PAST.
639
00:14:48,965 --> 00:14:50,375
YOU CAN STILL FIND LOVE.
640
00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:52,279
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR IT
641
00:14:52,275 --> 00:14:53,895
OR CALL ROOM SERVICE FOR IT.
642
00:14:53,896 --> 00:14:55,756
>> PLEASE. I AM DONE.
643
00:14:55,758 --> 00:14:57,068
OKAY?
644
00:14:57,068 --> 00:14:59,618
I'M GONNA DIE A DRIED-UP
645
00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:01,660
OLD LADY LIVING IN A HOTEL, BUT
646
00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:03,135
AT LEAST A MAID WILL FIND MY
647
00:15:03,137 --> 00:15:03,827
BODY.
648
00:15:03,827 --> 00:15:04,927
AND I'M GONNA TIP HER IN
649
00:15:04,931 --> 00:15:06,211
ADVANCE, TOO, SO SHE CAN MAKE
650
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:07,546
SURE I HAVE ON MY SUNDAY WEAVE
651
00:15:07,551 --> 00:15:08,971
AND I AIN'T GOT NOTHING STUCK IN
652
00:15:08,965 --> 00:15:09,895
MY TEETH.
653
00:15:09,896 --> 00:15:11,206
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
654
00:15:11,206 --> 00:15:12,406
>> WELL, I GUESS I'LLPUT UP A
655
00:15:12,413 --> 00:15:13,413
SIGN, TOO.
656
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,073
MINE WILL SAY, "FOR RECREATIONAL
657
00:15:16,068 --> 00:15:17,518
PURPOSES ONLY."
658
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:20,097
>> [ LAUGHS ]
659
00:15:20,103 --> 00:15:21,143
>> YOU KNOW, WE EVEN TRIED
660
00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:22,207
IN VITRO FERTILIZATION.
661
00:15:22,206 --> 00:15:24,026
>> MM-HMM. Y'ALL WAS TRYING TO
662
00:15:24,034 --> 00:15:25,724
HAVE EIGHT BABIES AT ONCE.
663
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:27,144
>> TASHA, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
664
00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:28,337
IMPLANT EIGHT EMBRYOS.
665
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,624
YOU CAN DO ONE OR TWO.
666
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:31,790
HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.
667
00:15:31,793 --> 00:15:32,833
THOUSANDS OF WOMEN DO THIS
668
00:15:32,827 --> 00:15:33,857
ALL THE TIME WITHOUT HAVING
669
00:15:33,862 --> 00:15:34,762
MULTIPLE BIRTHS.
670
00:15:34,758 --> 00:15:35,898
>> MM-HMM.
671
00:15:35,896 --> 00:15:36,716
>> OKAY.
672
00:15:36,724 --> 00:15:38,004
SO...
673
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:38,660
[ CHIME RINGS ]
674
00:15:38,655 --> 00:15:39,855
WAIT A MINUTE.
675
00:15:39,862 --> 00:15:42,172
WHY DO I HAVE LIKE 12 NEW SOCIAL
676
00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:43,002
ALERTS?
677
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:43,860
>> MNH-MNH MNH.
678
00:15:43,862 --> 00:15:45,142
>> PEOPLE KEEP ON MESSAGING
679
00:15:45,137 --> 00:15:46,547
ABOUT A PARTY.
680
00:15:46,551 --> 00:15:48,001
LET'S SEE. MM.
681
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:51,480
"HEY MELANIE, THANKS FOR NOT
682
00:15:51,482 --> 00:15:52,932
INVITING US TO YOUR PARTY.
683
00:15:52,931 --> 00:15:54,071
NICE PHOTO PICS."
684
00:15:54,068 --> 00:15:58,138
>> MM.
685
00:15:58,137 --> 00:15:59,827
>> [ LAUGHS ]
686
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:01,997
OH, WOW.
687
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,930
TEE TEE IS POSTING PHOTOS OF A
688
00:16:03,931 --> 00:16:04,901
PARTY.
689
00:16:04,896 --> 00:16:05,826
[ SNICKERS ]
690
00:16:05,827 --> 00:16:06,687
WAIT A MINUTE.
691
00:16:06,689 --> 00:16:07,619
ISN'T THAT MYHOUSE?
692
00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:08,280
>> MM-HMM.
693
00:16:08,275 --> 00:16:10,065
>> ISN'T THAT MYCOUNTERTOP?
694
00:16:10,068 --> 00:16:12,208
>> MM-HMM. [ LAUGHS ]
695
00:16:12,206 --> 00:16:14,066
>> THAT SKANK IS STANDING ON MY
696
00:16:14,068 --> 00:16:15,098
KITCHEN COUNTERTOP!
697
00:16:15,103 --> 00:16:16,003
WAIT A MINUTE!
698
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,000
ISN'T THAT MY GRANDMOTHER'S
699
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:17,900
CHINA?!
700
00:16:17,896 --> 00:16:18,786
THESE PEOPLE ARE EATING THEIR
701
00:16:18,793 --> 00:16:20,623
GREASY CHICKEN AND BISCUITS ON
702
00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:22,590
MY BEAUTIFUL FAMILY HEIRLOOM!
703
00:16:22,586 --> 00:16:23,786
>> SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU NEED TO
704
00:16:23,793 --> 00:16:24,903
GET YOU ONE OF THEM CHINA
705
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:25,926
HUTCHES, AND YOU CAN JUST
706
00:16:25,931 --> 00:16:27,101
LOCK UP ALL YOUR GOOD STUFF AND
707
00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:28,283
JUST BUY YOU SOME CHINET.
708
00:16:28,275 --> 00:16:29,685
>> TASHA, THERE'S A RAGING PARTY
709
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:30,659
GOING ON AT MY HOUSE.
710
00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:31,785
THIS ISN'T THE TIME TO TALK
711
00:16:31,793 --> 00:16:32,593
ABOUT DINNERWARE!
712
00:16:32,586 --> 00:16:33,376
>> I'M JUST SAYIN'!
713
00:16:33,379 --> 00:16:34,689
OKAY, CHINET GOT SOME BEAUTIFUL
714
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:35,339
STUFF, GIRL.
715
00:16:35,344 --> 00:16:36,594
THEY GOT ALL DIFFERENT KIND OF
716
00:16:36,586 --> 00:16:37,376
COLORS, HONEY.
717
00:16:37,379 --> 00:16:38,519
THEY EVEN GOT THEM MATCHING
718
00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:39,407
SPORKS YOU CAN USE.
719
00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:40,073
>> OH, MY GOD.
720
00:16:40,068 --> 00:16:41,278
DERWIN SAID THAT HE WAS JUST
721
00:16:41,275 --> 00:16:42,825
HAVING A SMALL POKER
722
00:16:42,827 --> 00:16:43,997
GET-TOGETHER.
723
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:44,900
NOW, WHY WOULD HE DO THIS,
724
00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:46,446
ESPECIALLY NOW?!
725
00:16:46,448 --> 00:16:48,548
>> OKAY, MELANIE, HONEY, CALM
726
00:16:48,551 --> 00:16:49,411
DOWN.
727
00:16:49,413 --> 00:16:50,073
OKAY?
728
00:16:50,068 --> 00:16:51,408
IT'S PROBABLY JUST A PART OF HIS
729
00:16:51,413 --> 00:16:52,283
PROCESS, ALL RIGHT?
730
00:16:52,275 --> 00:16:53,475
YOU GOT TO ALLOW THAT MAN TO
731
00:16:53,482 --> 00:16:58,382
GRIEVE IN HIS OWN WAY.
732
00:16:58,379 --> 00:16:59,099
>> MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
733
00:16:59,103 --> 00:17:00,173
>> DAMN IT, I KNOW I'M RIGHT,
734
00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:00,862
OKAY?
735
00:17:00,862 --> 00:17:01,902
JUST THE SAME WAY THAT YOU'RE
736
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:03,096
HANDLING YOURS.
737
00:17:03,103 --> 00:17:04,553
TALKING ABOUT PUTTING YOUR EGGS
738
00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:05,760
IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S UTERUS.
739
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:06,898
>> I'M NOT PUTTING MY EGGS IN
740
00:17:06,896 --> 00:17:07,686
SOMEONE ELSE'S UTERUS.
741
00:17:07,689 --> 00:17:08,339
>> MM-HMM.
742
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:09,594
>> NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN GO
743
00:17:09,586 --> 00:17:10,856
THROUGH HIRING SOME STRANGER TO
744
00:17:10,862 --> 00:17:12,142
CARRY THE MOST PRECIOUS THING IN
745
00:17:12,137 --> 00:17:13,957
OUR LIVES FOR NINE MONTHS.
746
00:17:13,964 --> 00:17:15,794
>> THEN WHAT ABOUT A RELATIVE?
747
00:17:15,792 --> 00:17:17,452
WHAT ABOUT THAT LITTLE SKINNY
748
00:17:17,448 --> 00:17:18,858
COUSIN OF YOURS -- JOAN?
749
00:17:18,862 --> 00:17:20,382
>> SHE HATES ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T
750
00:17:20,378 --> 00:17:21,758
INVITE HER TO OUR WEDDING.
751
00:17:21,758 --> 00:17:22,958
I'D HAVE LESS OF A CHANCE WITH
752
00:17:22,964 --> 00:17:24,174
HER THAN I WOULD WITH YOU TO ASK
753
00:17:24,172 --> 00:17:24,962
TO CARRY OUR BABY.
754
00:17:24,964 --> 00:17:26,524
"HEY, TASHA, WOULD YOU MIND IF I
755
00:17:26,517 --> 00:17:27,927
THROW MY EGGS IN YOUR RUSTY OLD
756
00:17:27,931 --> 00:17:28,591
SKILLET?"
757
00:17:28,586 --> 00:17:30,306
>> GIRL, YOU'D BE LUCKY TO USE
758
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,140
MY ALL-CLAD COOKWARE TO INCUBATE
759
00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:33,237
YOUR EGGS, HONEY.
760
00:17:33,241 --> 00:17:37,211
MY CALPHALON, MY LE CREUSET.
761
00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:41,546
MY COOCHIE SPIT OUT STARS.
762
00:17:41,551 --> 00:17:42,861
>> OH, MY GOD.
763
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,482
OH, MY GOD, THAT'S IT!
764
00:17:44,482 --> 00:17:45,762
>> WHAT'S WHAT?
765
00:17:45,758 --> 00:17:47,688
>> TASHA, CAN DERWIN AND I USE
766
00:17:47,689 --> 00:17:49,519
YOUR LE CREUSET TO COOK OUR
767
00:17:49,517 --> 00:17:50,237
BABIES?
768
00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:52,791
>> HELL, NO.
769
00:17:52,793 --> 00:17:54,213
PLEASE, I'M WITH JOAN ON THAT.
770
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:55,476
>> BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE GIVING
771
00:17:55,482 --> 00:17:56,412
UP SEX ANYWAY, RIGHT?
772
00:17:56,413 --> 00:17:57,663
IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA USE YOUR
773
00:17:57,655 --> 00:17:58,785
GIRLY PARTS, MAYBE WE CAN BORROW
774
00:17:58,793 --> 00:17:59,483
THEM.
775
00:17:59,482 --> 00:18:01,212
ONCE YOU POP THE BABY OUT, YOU
776
00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,406
CAN RETIRE FOR GOOD.
777
00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:04,143
IT'LL BE LIKE GIVING YOUR UTERUS
778
00:18:04,137 --> 00:18:08,137
THE LAST HURRAH.
779
00:18:08,137 --> 00:18:09,657
>> IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE ALL
780
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,065
OF THIS DOWN HERE GO OUT IN A
781
00:18:11,068 --> 00:18:13,998
BLAZE OF GLORY.
782
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,070
I COULD DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL
783
00:18:16,068 --> 00:18:17,518
INSTEAD OF SOMETHING I MIGHT
784
00:18:17,517 --> 00:18:19,337
INSTEAD OF SOMETHING I MIGHT
REGRET THE NEXT MORNING.
785
00:18:19,344 --> 00:18:22,314
REGRET THE NEXT MORNING.
786
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,310
OKAY.
787
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:26,520
I'LL DO IT.
788
00:18:26,517 --> 00:18:27,787
I'LL BE YOUR SKILLET.
789
00:18:27,793 --> 00:18:29,763
>> OH, MY GOD, TASHA, THANK YOU!
790
00:18:29,758 --> 00:18:30,688
OH!
791
00:18:30,689 --> 00:18:32,659
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
792
00:18:32,655 --> 00:18:34,895
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
793
00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:35,826
OH, MY GOD!
794
00:18:35,827 --> 00:18:36,897
NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS
795
00:18:36,896 --> 00:18:37,616
CONVINCE DERWIN.
796
00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:38,790
>> [ Sighing ] OKAY.
797
00:18:38,793 --> 00:18:40,103
>> OH, MY GOD.
798
00:18:40,103 --> 00:18:42,073
WE'RE HAVING A BABY!
799
00:18:42,068 --> 00:18:45,898
[ LAUGHS ]
800
00:18:45,896 --> 00:18:46,996
>> YEAH, CAN I SPEAK TO JENNA,
801
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,690
PLEASE?
802
00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:52,239
WHAT'S UP, BABY?
803
00:18:52,241 --> 00:18:53,551
[ CHUCKLES ]
804
00:18:53,551 --> 00:18:55,551
WHAT YOU DOING?
805
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,001
YEAH?
806
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,030
HOW WAS REHAB?
807
00:18:59,034 --> 00:19:00,524
[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]
808
00:19:00,517 --> 00:19:01,857
[ CHUCKLES ]
809
00:19:01,862 --> 00:19:04,692
YEAH, HANGING OUT HERE WITH
810
00:19:04,689 --> 00:19:05,859
THESE DRUNK FOOLS MAKES ME
811
00:19:05,862 --> 00:19:07,452
THESE DRUNK FOOLS MAKES ME
MISS IT.
812
00:19:07,502 --> 00:19:12,052
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