Original subtitles

>> THIS IS CRAZY.

IT'S LIKE A -- LIKE AN ALIEN.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> [ IMITATING MOTOR ]

>> REALLY? OH, MY GOD!

>> Shh.

>> WOULD YOU PUT THIS THING BACK

BEFORE YOU GET US IN TROUBLE.

>> [ LAUGHS ] PASS --

PASS ME THE OVARIES.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

NO, THIS IS THE CERVIX.

AND, F.Y.I., THIS IS THE

CLITORIS.

TAKE NOTE.

>> THANKS, GIRL.

LIKE LAST NIGHT?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> OKAY, MR. AND MRS. DAVIS.

MR. DAVIS...

> YES?

>> ...PLEASE PUT MY VAGINA BACK

ON THE SHELF.

>> YOU GOT IT, DOC.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> GOT THIS LITTLE BLUE THING

HERE.

I'LL JUST -- SORRY.

>> SO, WE GOT YOUR BLOOD WORK

BACK, MELANIE, AND,

UNFORTUNATELY, THE IN VITRO

DIDN'T TAKE.

>> [ SIGHS ]

DAMN IT.

>> OH, NO, NO, BOO.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S COOL.

LUCKY FOR YOU, YOUR MAN IS RICH

AND READY TO GO.

COME ON, DOC, GIVE ME THE CUP.

>> WELL, UNFORTUNATELY,

THAT WON'T HELP.

YOU SEE, THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE

SPOTTING MELANIE HAD EARLIER

THIS WEEK WAS AN INDICATION

OF A BIGGER PROBLEM.

>> WAIT A MINUTE.

I REMEMBER, WE LEARNED BACK IN

MEDICAL SCHOOL THAT SPOTTING WAS

A GOOD SIGN.

WE CALLED IT "HAPPY SPOTTING"

WHEN THE FERTILIZED EGG WAS

TRYING TO IMPLANT.

>> WE THINK YOUR BLEEDING IS

RELATED TO A CONDITION CALLED

"ENDOMETRIOSIS."

>> I KNOW WHAT ENDOMETRIOSIS IS.

I NEED TO KNOW, HOW DOES IT

AFFECT ME?

>> IT MEANS YOU HAVE LESS THAN

A 10% CHANCE OF EVER CARRYING

A BABY TO TERM.

I'M SORRY.

>> OH.

>> I'M SORRY.

ARE YOU ACTUALLY WEARING

A 3-D NECKLACE THAT SPELLS OUT

YOUR NAME?

>> WELL, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN

SOMEBODY MIGHT FORGET.

>> YEAH, YEAH, AND WHY WASTE

YOUR PRECIOUS BREATH REMINDING

THEM WHEN YOU HAVE A PRECIOUS

GOLD-PLATED NAMEPLATE?

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> WHERE WAS I?

OH, YEAH, I WAS ABOUT TO...

TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS.

>> JASON, I ALREADY TOLD YOU

I AM NOT GIVING UP CINDERELLY

UNTIL I KNOW WHERE THIS FAKE

MIRAGE IS GOING.

>> OKAY, HAVE WE MET?

'CAUSE I'M JASON PITTS, AND THIS

IS THE LONGEST THAT I'VE GONE

WITHOUT HAVING SEX.

I'M A SEX-HAVER. I HAVE SEX.

>> AW. BABY, THERE ARE A LOT OF

OTHER FUN THINGS WE CAN DO

WITHOUT GOING ALL THE WAY.

>> PLEASE, WHAT AM I, 16?

NO, NO, I'LL TAKE A PASS

ON A ZIPPERFUL OF BLUE TESTES.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

BESIDES, I GOT TO GET GOING.

I GOT A MILLION THINGS TO DO

BEFORE THE "PITTS STOP" PARTY

TONIGHT.

>> OH, THAT REMINDS ME.

WHAT TIME DO I HAVE TO BE READY?

>> READY FOR WHAT?

WHAT, THE PARTY?

OH, YEAH.

NO, UM, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

IT'S A WORK EVENT. IT'S NCZ.

>> NCZ?

>> NO-CHICK ZONE.

WHEN IT COMES TO WORK EVENTS,

I HAVE A STRICT RULE --

NO CHICKS, PERIOD.

IT'S PART OF MY CONSTITUTION.

I CALL IT THE SEPARATION OF WORK

AND DATE.

HEY, YOU GOT YOUR QUIRKY LITTLE

BOUNDARIES, I GOT MINE.

>> COME ON, JASON, WHAT ARE

WE DOING?

>> OH, I CAN TELL YOU WHAT WE'RE

NOT DOING, WE'RE NOT GOING

DOWN THIS ROAD AGAIN.

>> WHY? 'CAUSE YOU SAY SO?

>> LOOK, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD

FOR THIS, OKAY?

I ALREADY GOT TO GO TO THIS

STUPID PARTY AND CELEBRATE MY

SHOW GETTING HIJACKED BY THIS

WOMAN THAT I HATE.

ON TOP OF THAT, MY BALLS HURT.

I GOT TO GO, CHAR-- CHAR--

CHARDONNAY.

OH, YEAH, GUESS THAT THING

REALLY WORKS.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> PUT YOUR FEET UP.

OKAY, BOO, CAN I GET YOU

SOMETHING -- SOME WATER, TEA,

OR MAYBE, UH -- OH, CHEESE?

>> DERWIN, STOP IT.

>> WHAT?

>> I'M NOT AN INVALID.

I'M JUST INFERTILE.

>> OH, COME ON, MELANIE,

DON'T THINK LIKE THAT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE ODDS OF ME

BECOMING A PROFESSIONAL

FOOTBALL PLAYER WERE?

WE ARE ODDS-BEATERS, BABY,

AND WE ARE GONNA BEAT THIS, TOO,

WHICH IS WHY I THINK WE SHOULD

GO WITH THE IN VITRO AGAIN.

>> NO, NO, NO.

>> WHY NOT?

>> DERWIN, YOU HAVE NO IDEA

WHAT THOSE SHOTS AND HORMONES

DO TO YOUR BODY.

OKAY? WE'VE ALREADY TWICE,

AND I'M DONE.

TRUTH BE TOLD, I'M ACTUALLY

RELIEVED THAT IT'S FINALLY OVER.

[ SIGHS ]

WELL, AT LEAST NOW WE KNOW

WHAT'S WRONG, SO WE CAN FINALLY

MOVE ON.

>> YEAH.

THIS REMINDS ME OF THAT TIME

WHEN I HURT MY LEG AND I DIDN'T

THINK I'D EVER PLAY

FOOTBALL AGAIN.

>> I'M NOT QUITE SURE HOW

THAT COMPARES TO MY INFERTILITY

BUT SURE.

>> NO, WHAT I'M SAYING, BOO,

IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

OKAY, MAYBE WE CAN EXPLORE SOME

OTHER OPTIONS LIKE -- I DON'T

KNOW -- MAYBE ADOPTION.

>> ADOPTION?

>> YEAH.

>> REALLY?

>> [ Chuckling ] YES.

>> YOU'D BE OKAY WITH THAT?

>> I MEAN, WHY NOT?

I MEAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE

BIRTH TO A CHILD JUST TO BE

ITS PARENT.

MATTER OF FACT, LET'S LOOK AT

SOME PICTURES ONLINE.

IT'S JUST LIKE SHOPPING.

>> [ Chuckling ] OOH.

I DO LOVE SHOPPING.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> JASON, JASON, EXCUSE ME.

"L.A. SPORTS SENTINEL."

SO, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE TO

SHARE YOUR SPORTS DESK WITH ONE

OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

IN THE FIELD?

>> OH!

>> [ LAUGHS ]

WELL, WHO ARE WE COMPARING

HER TO? I MEAN, LET'S BE HONEST.

SHE'S NO HANNAH STORM.

>> OH. [ LAUGHS ]

YEAH, WELL, YEAH.

AND YOU'RE NO BRYANT GUMBEL.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> OH, WAIT. YES, YOU ARE.

>> [ CHUCKLES ] WOW.

VERY NICE, SUMMER.

IF THIS IS THE KIND OF BANTER

WE CAN EXPECT BETWEEN THE TWO OF

YOU, I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE

A HIT SHOW ON YOUR HANDS.

THANK YOU.

>> THERE THEY ARE.

HEY, SUMMER.

>> WHAT'S UP, JAY?

>> WHAT'S UP?

>> CONGRATULATIONS ON THE

LAUNCH, MAN.

>> YEAH, WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU.

I MEAN, YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO

REINVENT YOURSELF.

>> YEAH, ME AND MADONNA.

HEY, EXCUSE ME.

SURE.

>> DAD, IT'S A VIRGIN.

>> JUST LIKE YOU'D BETTER BE.

>> AREN'T YOU EXCITED ABOUT YOUR

DAD'S NEW SHOW, BRIT BRAT?

>> "A, NO ONE'S CALLED ME

BRIT BRAT SINCE I WAS, LIKE, 5,

AND "B," I DON'T WATCH

TELEVISION.

>> OKAY, NOW, SHE'S JUST MAD

BECAUSE I TOLD HER I WASN'T

GONNA GO BACK TO WORK.

AND THEN, WELL, YOU KNOW,

YOU GOT TO GIVE THE PEOPLE

WHAT THEY WANT. AM I WRONG?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> NOW, YOU BETTER GO GRAB SOME

DINNER OFF THAT TABLE OVER THERE

BEFORE YOUR GRANDPARENTS GET

HERE AND PICK YOU UP.

>> UNLESS THEY BREAK PROMISES,

TOO, RIGHT?

>> GOD, I HOPE NOT.

>> SHE IS SO SPECIAL.

>> YOU WANT HER?

YOU CAN HAVE HER.

>> UH, SUSHI?

SUSHI.

>> [ Sighing ] OH.

>> HEY, JASON, SUMMER,

YOU GUYS MIND?

NETWORK NEEDS SOME PROMOTIONAL

SHOTS FOR THE WEBSITE.

>> OF COURSE.

>> YEAH.

>> JASON, COULD YOU GET IN

JUST A LITTLE CLOSER

TO SUMMER, PLEASE?

>> SURE. HOW'S THAT?

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> CLOSER.

CLOSER.

>> DUDE, WHAT DO YOU WANT,

ME INSIDE OF HER?

>> SMILE.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

WOW.

HEY! LOOKING GOOD.

YOU HAVE A REALLY NICE SMILE.

>> [ CHUCKLES ] INVISALIGN.

A FEW MONTHS IS REALLY

ALL IT TOOK.

>> YEAH, WELL, MIGHT WANT TO

THINK ABOUT SMILING MORE.

THAT'S ALL.

>> I'LL, I'LL THINK ABOUT THAT.

>> GREAT.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

I'M GONNA GRAB US A FEW DRINKS.

>> YEAH.

>> HUH?

>> YEAH, COOL.

>> OKAY.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> HO HO! THE CHAMP IS BACK.

AH. WELCOME BACK, DAWG.

IT'S GOOD YOU FINALLY CAME TO

YOUR SENSES AND RETURNED FROM

THE DARK SIDE.

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

>> OH, JASON, DOG, JUST A MINUTE

AGO, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING

THROUGH SOME KIND OF MIDLIFE

CRISIS OR MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

NO OFFENSE, DAWG.

YOU WANT SOME SUSHI?

>> YEAH, WAIT-WAIT-WAIT...

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

YOU KNOW, YOU KEEP SAYING

"NO OFFENSE," BUT I'M --

I'M HIGHLY OFFENDED.

>> OKAY. WELL, TOO BAD, JASON.

I'M SORRY. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M NEVER GONNA GET MY SUSHI,

AM I?

OKAY, LOOK, I UNDERSTAND YOU

HOPPING OFF THE SLAVE SHIP FOR

HOMEGIRL'S TAUT,

SANDY-WHITE BEACH.

I GET IT, DAWG. SUMMER'S A DIME.

>> OKAY, LISTEN TO ME,

YOU STUPID SCHMUCK-HEAD.

I DON'T WANT SUMMER. OKAY?

>> YOU'RE AFRAID YOU'RE TOO OLD

TO CLOSE THE DEAL.

>> [ Scoffing ] OH.

>> [ CHUCKLE]

WHY DON'T YOU LET A, UH,

STRAPPING YOUNG BULL IN HIS

PRIME CLOSE THE DEAL FOR YOU?

OKAY, GRANDPA?

>> [ INHALES SHARPLY ]

ANGER. ANGER.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

>> OH, WHAT?

MISS LITTLE DROP BAR.

WHAT BRINGS YOU UP HERE?

DON'T TELL ME YOU GOT ANOTHER

SHIFT AS A HOUSEKEEPER.

>> OH, TASHA, ACTUALLY,

I'M ON A 15-MINUTE BREAK.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT JASON.

>> MM. ALL RIGHT. COME ON IN.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> WELL, WITH YOU BEING A SPORTS

MANAGER AND ALL, YOU KNOW,

YOU PRIVY TO THE WORLD

OF PRO SPORTS.

>> MM-HMM.

>> FRANKLY, I JUST DON'T GET IT.

>> GIRL, SIT DOWN.

WHAT IS ALL THIS ABOUT?

>> [ SIGHS ]

SO I'M GEARED UP FOR THIS PARTY.

>> MM-HMM.

>> AND JASON DROPS THIS BOMB

ON ME THAT HE DOESN'T MIX

BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE.

>> MM.

>> BUT NOW I'M STARTING TO

WONDER THAT'S JUST AN EXCUSE

'CAUSE I DIDN'T GIVE IT UP.

>> YOU AIN'T DONE THE

PITTS SHUFFLE YET?

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> I WAS TRYING TO WAIT

UNTIL I KNEW THINGS ARE REAL

BETWEEN US.

>> MM-HMM.

>> BUT NOW I THINK I WAITED

TOO LONG.

AFRAID HE'S STARTING TO LOSE

INTEREST.

>> WELL, GIRL, CAN YOU BLAME

HIM?

OKAY, THE MAN IS RICH, OKAY?

AND I SUPPOSE, HANDSOME --

YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE INTO THAT

LIGHT-SKIN, GLOW-IN-THE-DARK

KIND OF THING,

WHICH I PERSONALLY AM NOT.

BUT HE'S ALSO AN ATHLETE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND HE'S NOT JUST ANY ATHLETE.

HE'S A NEWLY RETIRED ATHLETE.

OKAY, THAT'S THAT ELUSIVE BREED.

HE A HONEY BADGER.

>> A WHAT?

>> A HONEY BADGER.

GIRL, YOU AIN'T SEEN THAT VIDEO

ON YouTube?

GIRL, THE HONEY BADGER IS

THIS BADASS RODENT, OKAY?

HE AIN'T FAZED BY NOBODY.

NO, I'M SERIOUS. OKAY?

HE DO WHATEVER HE WANT,

TO WHATEVER HE WANT, HONEY --

KILLER BEES, JACKALS, COBRAS.

DAMN HONEY BADGER,

HE DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

>> I'M CONFUSED.

AM -- AM I THE JACKAL?

>> NO, GIRL, YOU THE COBRA.

>> OH.

>> YOU TRYING TO HOLD ON TO YOUR

MESS LIKE IT'S SOME VENOM.

OKAY?

BUT THAT DAMN HONEY BADGER,

HE GONNA POUNCE.

OKAY? AND WHETHER HE POUNCING ON

YOU OR NOT, YOU'D BEST BELIEVE

HE GONNA FIND HIM SOME PREY

TO POUNCE ON.

MM-HMM.

>> DAMN.

SO, WHAT DO I DO?

>> WELL, THE FIRST THING YOU GOT

TO DO IS WATCH THAT DAMN VIDEO

ON THEM DAMN HONEY BADGERS.

OKAY?

SECOND THING YOU GOT TO DO,

YOU GOT TO STOP BEING

SO DAMN INSECURE.

YOU KNOW I USED TO DATE

RICK FOX, RIGHT?

>> YEAH, I HEARD THAT.

>> GOOD. PEOPLE STILL TALKING.

OKAY. THE ONE THING THAT

I LEARNED ABOUT DATING

A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE?

>> MM-HMM?

THEY CAN'T STAND NO INSECURE

WOMEN. OKAY?

'CAUSE IF YOU REALLY NOTICE,

THE WOMEN THAT LAND THESE KIND

OF GUYS, GIRL, THEY AIN'T ALWAYS

THE PRETTIEST OR THE SMARTEST.

>> MM-HMM.

>> AND THEY CERTAINLY AIN'T

THE ONES THAT'S HOLDING OUT.

BUT YOU'D BEST BELIEVE, THEY'RE

GONNA BE THE MOST PERSISTENT

AND THE MOST CALCULATING.

MM-HMM. THEY GONNA DO WHATEVER

IT TAKE TO KEEP THEIR MAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THEY SOME DAMN HONEY BADGERS,

TOO.

>> WELL, I AIN'T THAT GIRL.

>> WELL, THEN MAYBE YOU DON'T

NEED TO BE WITH NO PROFESSIONAL

ATHLETE.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

>> ESPRESSO?

>> AH.

>> REASON NUMBER 23 WHY NOT

BEING PREGNANT ROCKS --

CAFFEINE.

[ CHOPSTICKS CLINK ON PLATE ]

>> GET YOUR CAFFEINE ON THEN,

GIRL.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> OH, WOW.

YOU'RE EXPECTING.

YOU MUST BE SO HAPPY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SUCH

A BEAUTIFUL BABY.

>> YEAH, YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND

MUST BE REALLY EXCITED.

>> HUSBAND? [ SCOFFS ]

TRY "DEADBEAT."

>> DEADBEAT?

>> YEAH.

>> WOW.

>> GOSH, YOU MUST BE SO SCARED.

I MEAN, I CAN'T IMAGINE BEING

SINGLE, A HARDWORKING WOMAN

WHO I'M GUESSING BARELY

EARNS ENOUGH TO GET BY.

>> YEAH, I MEAN, HAVE YOU --

HAVE YOU EXPLORED OTHER OPTIONS?

IF YOU GAVE YOUR BABY UP

FOR ADOPTION --

>> I MEAN, WE WOULD

TOTALLY TAKE IT.

>> TOTALLY.

>> YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY.

>> CRAZY RICH.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, MEL.

WE'LL FIND OURSELVES

A BLACK BABY.

>> ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

LET'S BREAK IT UP.

BREAK IT UP.

COHOST LOOKING FOR HIS PARTNER.

EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.

NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

KEEP IT MOVING. THANK YOU.

OKAY, SO...

OH. I GUESS THEY'RE GETTING

READY TO SHOW THE PROMO

COMMERCIAL.

>> OH.

>> YEAH, SO MAYBE WE SHOULD MOVE

IN A LITTLE CLOSER.

I'M SURE JASON'S VISION ISN'T

WHAT IT USED TO BE.

OLD AGE HAS THE TENDENCY TO

SCREW WITH PEOPLE'S ABILITIES.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, OLD-TIMER?

>> OH.

>> YOU KNOW MIKE'S A JUNKIE,

RIGHT?

ONE DAY AT A TIME, MAN.

>> YEP.

>> HE'S NOT YOUR AVERAGE

SPORTS GUY.

SHE'S NOT YOUR AVERAGE

SPORTS GIRL.

AND TOGETHER, THEY'RE NOT YOUR

AVERAGE SPORTS-NEWS TEAM.

>> SO WHAT? SO WHAT?

SO, THE MAN KILLS DOGS.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> I MEAN, IT DOESN'T MEAN HE'S

NOT A SPECTACULAR FOOTBALL

PLAYER.

>> YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE.

SO, WHAT, WE SHOULD JUST LET OUR

ATHLETES RAPE AND PILLAGE, TOO,

AS LONG AS THEY'VE GOT TALENT?

OH, WAIT, WE ALREADY DO THAT.

>> HOW YOU GONNA DO KOBE

LIKE THAT?

>> "THE PITTS STOP" WITH

JASON PITTS AND SUMMER GRAYSON.

IT'S ANYTHING BUT AVERAGE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> ALL RIGHT, MAN.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

>> YEAH, WELL, THANKS.

>> OH, MAYBE THAT REPORTER WAS

ONTO SOMETHING.

LOOKS LIKE WE MIGHT ACTUALLY

HAVE A HIT ON OUR HANDS.

>> A HIT? ARE -- PLEASE.

YOU HEAR THAT CROWD?

>> MM.

>> WE'RE TALKING EMMY NOD,

AT THE VERY LEAST.

MAYBE EVEN A PULITZER.

>> YEAH?

YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SHARE

AN EMMY WITH SOMEBODY

YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE?

>> WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

COME ON. HEY.

I LIKE YOU, I JUST -- I JUST

DON'T LIKE WORKING WITH YOU.

>> [ Chuckling ] OH.

>> NO, I MEAN,

IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL.

I'M JUST NOT -- I'M NOT A FAN

OF SHARING THE SPOTLIGHT.

>> WOW. YOU KNOW, I NEVER

THOUGHT I WOULD ACTUALLY MEET

SOMEBODY WITH AN EGO

QUITE AS LARGE AS MY OWN.

>> JASON PITTS, EGOMANIAC/FUTURE

PULITZER PRIZE-WINNING ANCHOR.

PLEASURE.

>> I AM NOT ACCUSTOMED TO HAVING

MY HAND KISSED. YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE AN OLD-FASHIONED GUY.

I GET IT. IT'S CUTE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

ALL PART OF THE SHOW, MAN.

>> WELL, HELLO, HUSBAND.

>> WOW.

WHAT'S ALL THIS?

YOU DOCTOR THE PLACE UP FOR

ANOTHER DRY-HUMP SESH?

>> NO, ACTUALLY, ALL OF THIS IS

COURTESY OF CINDERELLY.

SHE'S READY.

>> OKAY, HOLD UP, HOLD UP.

>> WHAT'S WRONG?

IS IT MY BREATH?

OH, MY GOD.

IT'S THAT NEW PERFUME.

I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE RUBBED

THAT SAMPLE OUT OF THAT

"ESSENCE" MAGAZINE.

>> LISTEN, LISTEN, CHARDONNAY.

IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT YOU'RE

READY NOW, 'CAUSE I'M NOT.

I'VE HAD SOME TIME TO THINK

ABOUT IT, AND I'M JUST --

I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS

GONNA WORK OUT.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?

>> I MEAN [SIGHS]

LOOK, LET'S FACE IT.

I'VE -- I'VE BEEN PATIENT.

I'VE DEALT WITH ALL THE

ATTITUDE, THE NECK ROLLS,

THE DAILY DOSE OF BLUE CROTCH.

I'M LISTENING TO WAY MORE OF

TODAY'S HIP-HOP AND R&B THAN

I FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING.

THIS -- THIS LITTLE DANCE THAT

WE'RE DOING IS EXHAUSTING,

AND MAYBE IT'S TIME THAT WE

JUST, YOU KNOW, CUT OUR LOSSES.

>> OKAY, JASON, LOOK, I GET IT.

AND AFTER YOU LEFT,

I HAD A LOT OF TIME TO THINK.

AND YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S NOT FAIR FOR ME TO EXPECT

YOU TO BE ALL-IN, BUT I'M NOT.

I GET THAT.

SO TONIGHT IS MY ATTEMPT...

TO SHOW YOU...

JUST HOW IN I AM.

>> WOW.

>> LOOK GOOD, DON'T IT?

>> YE-E-S.

>> JASON, I NEED YOU TO KNOW

THAT ME BEING DIFFICULT...

IS MY WAY OF PROTECTING MYSELF.

>> WHAT?

>> JUST DON'T WANT TO GET HURT.

>> OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

SO, YOU, MISS TOUGH-AS-NAILS,

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP OPENING

THE OLIVE JAR" JENKINS, YOU'RE

WORRIED ABOUT GETTING HURT?

>> OF COURSE.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> I MAY NOT NEED HELP OPENING

UP AN OLIVE JAR, BUT AT THE END

OF THE DAY, I'M STILL A WOMAN,

JASON.

A WOMAN WHO LIKES YOU A LOT.

SO MUCH SO, THAT FROM THIS POINT

FORWARD, THERE WILL BE NO MORE

ATTITUDE, NO NECK ROLLING.

>> [ SCOFFS ] THAT'S A LIE.

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

>> AND STARTING TONIGHT,

LET'S JUST SAY YOUR CROTCH

WILL REMAIN ITS PROPER COLOR.

>> MMM.

OKAY, OKAY, HOLD UP, HOLD UP.

HOLD UP. LOOK...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

OKAY? I'M IN.

>> I WANT TO. I'M READY.

I THINK IT'S TIME

I INTRODUCED CINDERELLY

TO HER PRINCE CHARMING.

>> OKAY, UM, WHAT IF I'M NOT

PRINCE CHARMING?

>> WELL, I DON'T CARE

IF YOU ARE A HONEY BADGER.

I WANT WHAT I WANT.

>> A HONEY BADGER?

>> YES.

>> ALL RIGHT.

MMM.

>> [ LAUGHS ] OKAY, REASON

NUMBER 36 WHY NOT BEING PREGNANT

IS AWESOME --

UNLIMITED CHAMPAGNE!

[ LAUGHS ]

OH.

>> OH!

>> OH, GOD.

>> THERE YOU GO, BOO.

>> THANKS FOR CARRYING ME--

>> YEAH.

>> I PROMISE, THIS IS THE LAST

TIME I'M GONNA WEAR 6-INCH

STILETTOS. [ SIGHS ]

>> HEY, I'M GONNA RUN UPSTAIRS

AND RUN YOU A NICE HOT BATH

SO YOU CAN SOAK THOSE FEET.

>> OKAY. OH!

>> WHAT?

>> REASON NUMBER 38.

THANKS, BABE.

>> YOU GOT IT.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> I'LL BE UP IN TWO MINUTES.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> RIGHT AFTER I DISMOUNT

FROM THESE STILTS.

OH!

[ SIGHING ]

>> * ONCE AGAIN

IT'S HAPPENING *

* ALL THIS LOVE

IS UNREQUITED *

* TWICE THE PAIN,

THE SUFFERING *

* ALL MY LOVE

IS UNREQUITED *

* ALL MY LOVE

IS UNREQUITED *

[ HUMMING ]

>> [ SNIFFLES ]

>> * THAT MUST MEAN

I LIVE AGAIN *

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

>> * AND GET BACK

>> HEY, UH, HEY, BOO, YOUR --

YOUR WATER'S GONNA BE READY

IN A MINUTE!

>> * WHAT I LOST TO THEM

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> * OH, THE SHAME,

THIS CRYING GAME *

>> [ SOBBING ]

>> * OH, MY LOVE,

I'VE BEEN DENIED IT *

**

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