Original subtitles

>> There you go!

Come on, shake what your mama

gave ya.

>> Hey, what's up, champ?

How you doing?

How's daddy's man, okay?

>> Excuse me.

Uh, is daddy interrupting our

little Dougie, huh?

Come here.

>> Janay, enough with the baby

talk, okay?

You're stifling his language

development, yo.

Haven't I told you about this

little baby mess?

>> Okay, it's tot hop.

And I thought I told you we

wouldn't be done until 10:30.

>> You--you--you did.

You did.

But what you didn't tell me was

about you being engaged.

I mean, when was you gonna tell

me about that, huh?

>> Freaking Melanie.

>> Yeah.

Just so you know, I'm not gonna

let you go through with it.

>> Whoa, excuse me.

>> [laughs]

>> [laughs]

Since when do you

dictate what I can and can't do?

>> Since I dictated that baby in

you.

>> Oh, really?

>> Oh, really.

>>> What's your problem, Derwin,

hmm?

I don't deserve to be happy?

>> No, no, it's--it's--you can

be happy.

But my problem is that you hid

this dude from me for God knows

how long, which means he was

around my son.

Okay?

I mean, what else are you hiding

from me?

>> Oh, please.

I hid this from you because I

knew you'd act like this.

Yeah, supposedly you don't wanna

be with me.

But every time I'm with someone

else, you show your ass.

[whispers] And it's out right

now.

>> Please, get over yourself,

okay?

I'm worried about my son, okay?

I don't know this dude.

I mean, come on, a black dude

with the name Noah who writes a

blog and loves Dave Matthews?

>> Are you kidding me?

>> What?

>> After all the stunts that

Melanie's pulled with DJ, and

you wanna question my man?

You should be lucky I even allow

him around you anymore.

>> Is everything all right?

I have mace.

>> It's--it's okay Tessa.

This is just DJ's sperm donor.

>>> Derwin Davis?

Jackpot.

>> What's up?

>> I'd like to raid that

freezer.

>> Okay, can you give us a

moment?

>> Sure.

P.S., DJ pooped himself.

>> Look, you can hire your

lawyers.

You can pout.

You can do whatever you want,

but I'm going forward with that

wedding.

Yeah.

Yeah. >> ♪

>> ♪

>> Uh, I mean whoever designed

this house obviously didn't have

a stiletto-wearing girl in mind.

I mean--

>> I trip and almost break my

neck every time I go over this,

and I'm in flats.

Tadaow'll take care of it.

>> Oh, what would I do without

you?

>> Uh, swallow your windows in

[unintelligible].

>> Hey!

I love that color.

It matches the new paint

perfectly.

>> Maybe if you're one of "The

Real Housewives of New Jersey"

and we were decorating your

dining room in 14K gold.

How about this?

>> [doorbell rings]

>> Um, I mean, it doesn't make

me vomit like the staircase

banisters make me vomit.

>> Perfect, the silk

[unintelligible] it is.

Tadaow wins.

>> Oh my God.

Janay, I didn't know you were

coming by today.

You're just in time to see the

fabrics I'm picking out for my

living room.

What do you think?

>> I think I was an idiot for

trusting your baby-swabbing ass.

>> Oh God, Janay, are we still

on that?

>> You swore that you weren't

gonna tell Derwin about me and

Noah.

>> What?

Oh my God, and he swore he

wouldn't tell you.

Damn Derwin.

>> You know what?

Not your fault.

Mm-hmm.

I had a brief moment of

vulnerability.

And I just opened up thinking

maybe I would give her a chance

to make up for all the crappy,

back-stabbing BS you've done in

the past.

So you know what?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry your back-stabbing,

boozy-ash wannabe doctor trick.

Yeah, Tasha tweets were right.

>> Oh, is Tasha tweeting again?

>> Look, J, I'm sorry.

>> Mm, you are sorry.

>> Wait!

Wait.

You came by today because you

need help fixing this.

Let me make it right.

>> I'm so over this.

I just wanna move on with my

life.

>> Okay, I have an idea.

If I fix it, we're cool, okay?

And if not, you can keep hating

me.

Look, Janay, I am not a horrible

person.

And I don't want you or anyone

else thinking that I am.

Including Tasha's followers,

Tadaow.

>> Oh, don't worry, honey.

She's not tweeting about you

today.

Just some mess about "I'm

balling, tell your friends."

[sighs]

God, I love her.

>> I'm sorry, I didn't order

another one.

>> A Crown Royale for a queen.

>> You know what?

You have two seconds to get out

of my face before I call the

cops and tell them a gentleman

wearing some cheap shoes and

even cheaper cologne trying to

solicit me with his penis.

What is that?

Is that Drakkar Noir?

>> Yes, yes, it is.

And I guess I deserve that.

>> Yeah, and I deserve my three

grand back that you tricked me

into paying you for sex with.

Tricky little ho.

>> Hey, look, I can see where

there was a bit of confusion on

our first sexual encounter.

But didn't nobody

tricked nobody.

>> No, Negro, because I was

the trick.

>> Mama!

Yo, ma!

>> Hey.

>> Oh, look like somebody had a

little date and didn't tell me.

>> MALIK: Mm.

>> Well, ain't you gonna

introduce me?

>> Hey, I'm Reynardo St. James.

Man, how you doing?

I'm a friend of your mother's?

>> You a friend?

What kind of friend you is to

your mama, huh?

What, special friend?

[laughs] Huh?

With benefits though?

>> Oh, no, the only benefit I

get is spending time with your

mother, when she allows me.

>> Well, she ain't gonna allow

ya, because my mama don't get

down like that.

>> Malik, you don't know

how I get down.

>> Tasha, ease up on him.

He's just looking out for his

mother.

>> Yeah, tell her, St. James.

>> Hey!

Sorry I'm late.

I had a big wing order to fill,

but I can't say who it was.

[whispers] Aretha Franklin.

She wiped me all out of ranch.

What's up, man?

>> Hey.

How you're doing?

>> Who's that?

>> This is my friend.

This is Reynardo St. James.

>> A word in private, Miss Mack.

>> A word in private, Miss Mack. >> Mm.

>> Mm.

>> This is James Ingram?

If that's James Ingram, I'm

Billy Ocean.

>> Okay, what can I say?

All right.

I had on my [unintelliglble]

goggles that night.

>> Oh, well, hey.

I guess beggars can't be

choosers.

I mean, after dating a high

school kid and a dude who was

pretending to die last year, I'd

say even a fake James Ingram is

a step up for you.

So what's he do?

>> He's a businessman.

>> Oh, for real?

What kind of business?

>> The none-of-your-damn kind of

business.

All right, now come on, T.T.

>> So, Reynardo, why don't you

tell me a little bit about

yourself, bro?

Hmm?

What you do?

Where you from?

What would you do for a Klondike

Bar?

>> Okay, Malik, what is up with

all the damn questions?

Come on.

>> Tasha, Tasha.

It's cool, baby.

I got this.

I'm a relationship therapist.

I'm from Bakersfield.

And frankly I wouldn't do a damn

thing for a Klondike Bar.

I prefer Whoopie Pies.

Look, why don't we order

something to eat?

My treat.

>> Oh.

>> Yeah?

>> All right.

That's what's up.

That's what's up. I like this guy.

I like this guy.

>> Wait, wait.

Look, look, you're gonna wait

right here.

>> Oh, really?

>> I'm gonna get that thing you

left.

>> You gonna get that thing

>> You gonna get that thing thang.

thang.

>> Here you go.

>> [laughs] Really?

A hotel towel?

>> What?

You used it, you bought it.

>> Look, Tasha, if you wanted me

to come here and spend some time

with you, all you had to do was

say so.

Huh, you don't gotta lie to kick

it.

So no little transactions, all

right?

We're not playing no games.

Unless of course you want to.

>> Negro, look, I ain't playing

no games unless you got my

$3,000.

>> Uh, uh, uh, uh.

>> Uh, uh, uh.

>> No, no, no.

Look, I told you I got a

no-refund policy, all right?

All sales are final.

Except with damaged goods and

with exception of the one

missing walnut, everything else

is in fine working condition.

I like you.

I wanna spend some more time

with you, Tasha.

Come on, is that such a crime?

>> Yes, it's called

solicitation.

Ask your ho friends.

>> [laughs] Wow.

>> [laughs] Wow. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Okay, look.

Do not be thinking that you're

gonna be running things just

because you're up in here.

Hey, what--hey, what you doing?

>> Trying to calm your bossy ass

down.

>> Say what?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Ooh.

>> Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Yeah, see that's normally $15

right there.

>> Oh.

How you know that was my T spot?

>> [laughs]

'Cause it's a professional's

job to know these things.

Listen, we don't have to go any

further.

We can just talk if you like.

We can just talk if you like. >> ♪

>> ♪

>> ♪ >> Mm.

>> Mm.

Hey.

Hey. Aren't you forgetting something?

Aren't you forgetting something?

I was talking about the money.

I was talking about the money. >> Last night was on the house.

>> Last night was on the house.

> Okay.

Got it.

>> All right, man, what's up?

Ooh.

Do you wanna leave, boo?

'Cause that's like the third one

tonight.

How we gonna get through our

meal?

>> Mm.

No, we can't leave.

>> Why not?

>> Well, they have my favorite

cocktail.

And I've had one too many.

And I really have to go to the

bathroom.

>> Okay.

Are you okay?

>> Yeah.

>> [laughing]

>> Mel, you're so silly.

>> Mind if I sit down?

>> No, man, I'm having dinner

with my--

freakin' Melanie.

>> I'm not here to cause any

drama.

All right, look...I get it.

You're concerned about your son.

I would be, too, if some random

dude I've never met before all

the sudden was gonna be a part

of his life.

So here's who I am.

I've got no ex-wives, no baby

mamas.

I don't do drugs.

Don't care for liquor.

With the exception of a few

right-wing nut jobs, I'm enemy

free.

>> Now look here, new guy, that

sounds all cool and the gang.

And I don't have anything

against you personally.

But understand where I'm coming

from.

A week ago, you did not exist.

Now here you are in my house

breaking bread and kicking with

my family.

>> Wait, wait, wait, wait.

With all due respect,

Derwin, I--

>> And as you say, with all due

respect, and then go say

something disrespectful, we're

gonna have a problem.

>> With all due respect, I

thought this was about DJ?

>> Careful.

>> Okay, you think you can throw

around this my word--my family,

my house.

>> I bought Janay that house.

>> It doesn't mean you own

Janay.

I came here out of a respect for

a man who's concerned for his

son.

Now I'm starting to think

there's more to it.

Like maybe you still got a thing

for Janay.

>> Okay, my man, you need to get

up away from my tables.

>> There you go with the my

again.

I'm not asking your permission

to marry Janay.

Okay, really, if you wanna--

>> Hold--hold on a second.

Yo, you filming me, dude?

>> Just doing my job, buddy.

It sounds like a heated

conversation.

Lover's quarrel?

>> Hey, look, you've got two

seconds to turn that camera off.

>> Oh, man, it's a free country,

Davis.

Haven't you heard of freedom of

the press?

>> Oh, I'm sorry.

Haven't you heard of an

accident.

accident. >> Hey.

>> Hey.

>> Um...thanks for that.

>> You're welcome.

You think we can finish our

conversation?

conversation? >> Sure, why not?

>> Sure, why not?

>> Caleb, stop that.

Caleb's been eating a lot of

dirt lately.

But I mean all kids do weird

things, right?

>> [phone ringing]

>> Oh.

Excuse me.

Yes, Melanie?

>> So...you...

heard about last night?

>> Yes.

>> So...do you remember what you

said if I made things right?

>> If you keep talking like

this, I'm gonna hang up on you.

>> I'm sorry, it's just I'm so

excited we made a turn in our

relationship.

And it's just one of the quirky

things I do.

You'll get used to it.

>> Yeah, well, Melanie, I've got

to run.

>> Oh, where you running?

>> JANAY: I've gotta do some

dress shopping.

>> Oh, my God, wedding dress

shopping?

>> JANAY: Yeah, I haven't even

started yet.

And when you find one, it takes

six to eight weeks.

>> I'd love to.

>> Uh, you'd love to what?

>> Well, I'd love to go with

you.

I mean, that's what you're

getting to, right?

>> Sure.

Uh...meet me at La Fleur Bridal

at 4.

>> Okay, I'll see you there.

>> JANAY: Melanie.

>> JANAY: Melanie. >> Okay, I'll see you then.

>> Okay, I'll see you then.

>> All right.

>> ♪

>> Courtesy of the young lady.

>> Nah.

>> Hey.

>> Ma.

>> I know, baby, mama's so sorry

she's late, honey.

Whoo, I just had a kink in my

neck that I could not work out.

I had to go down there and get a

masseuse come up to the room,

get me one of them full-body

"Shih Tzus".

>> Shiatsu.

>> Now what now?

>> Shih Tzu's a little squeaky,

barky-ass dog, kinda like your

boy.

>> Malik, what you talking

about?

>> Peep your boy, ma.

Got some damn nerve bringing her

up in our hotel.

This bar is practically our

kitchen.

That bathroom practically our

bathroom.

This waitress is damn near our

maid.

Clean that up.

>> Come on.

Malik, I think we should go,

baby.

>> Oh hell no.

We ain't going nowhere until you

step to that little black oompa

loompa.

Come on.

>> Malik, we don't--

>> Get--

>> Get-- Come on.

Come on.

Well, well, well.

Look who escaped from the

chocolate factory.

>> What's up, Malik?

>> Get that out of my face.

I know where that hand has been.

I know it ain't been where it's

supposed to be.

I shouldn't have said that.

>> Reynardo, this was supposed

to be my time.

>> No the hell it ain't, woman.

It's supposed to be my mama's

time.

Her twilight years.

You know how long it has taken

my mama to recover?

Failed relationship after failed

relationship?

Coach T, Rick Fox, little

underage man child, the dude who

lied and said he was dying just

so he could get some ass.

Do you remember him, mama?

I remember him.

He had her running up and down

the street naked.

The only thing left for my mama

to do is become a lesbian.

>> Oh.

>> Mama, you ain't been playing

in the cat box, have you?

>> Why don't you take him,

honey?

You obviously need him more than

I do.

>> Gloria?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Tasha, you need to check

yourself.

>> What, boy?

No, my mama needs to check you.

Here, handle your business, ma.

>> Malik, what the hell am I

supposed to do with this?

>> Throw it at his face.

That's what girls do to me when

they catch me here.

>> [whispers] Malik, I can't do

that.

>> Yes, you can, man up, mama.

>> Tasha, you're not gonna do

anything?

>> Mama, you're ain't gonna do

nothing, huh?

'Cause if I do it, it's gonna be

a bottle upside his head, not

that drink.

that drink. What's up?

What's up?

>> Oh.

>> Mm-hmm.

Yeah, homie, cheers.

Drink's on your, dawg.

Come on, ma, let's go.

Go, ma.

Go, ma. >> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Hey, girl.

I've been trying to reach you

for the past half hour.

I thought we were going

shopping.

>> Oh, my gosh, Melanie, I am so

sorry.

Vibrate.

>> Uh.

>> Girl, my bad.

I meant to call you earlier to

cancel.

Totally slipped my mind.

I decided to go shoe shopping

with my friends at the last

with my friends at the last minute.

minute.

>> I see what this is.

I smooth things over between

Derwin and Noah.

But now that things are cool,

you just wipe your hands clean

and you're done with me.

>> No.

[laughs] Well, let's not act

like you're doing me any favors.

You were cleaning up your own

mess.

>> Ha.

I was doing this for you.

I was trying to fix this because

I wanted you and your man to be

cool with Derwin.

I'm just trying to be your

friend.

>> Let's be honest.

The only reason you're so

preoccupied with me and my man

being cool is that I won't be a

threat to you and your man.

>> [laughing]

Now why would you

be a threat to me and my man?

>> Are you serious?

You know damn well as long as I

have Derwin's baby and you

don't, I will always have one up

on you.

>> I'm not worried about you.

I'm the one who had his heart.

>> And apparently that's all you

>> And apparently that's all you can have.

can have.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That--that was too far.

>> No, no, you said what you had

to say.

>> No, but I didn't mean--

>> No.

I get it.

I get it. >> [sighs]

>> [sighs]

>> [knocking at door]

>> See there?

See, this is exactly why I

didn't wanna mess with your

whore ass in the first place.

Coming up in my place of

residence and embarrassing me in

front of my people.

>> Embarrassing you?

>> Yes.

>> Tasha, you just gave me a

Hennessy bath.

I--I can't be near an open flame

for the next hour.

>> Well I should take out my

lighter and puff, puff, pass on

your ass.

>> Tasha, look, I like you,

okay?

I really--

>> You know what, look, please,

I don't wanna hear no sweet

talk, all right?

I don't wanna hear about how

much you like me, how much you

care about me, how different I

am than "the rest of your

tricks."

Look, let's get something

straight, all right?

You the ho, okay?

And I'm the john.

All right, now let's not confuse

things here.

Now the problem is I can't just

have your ho ass just running--

>> Can you please not call me a

ho?

I'm somebody's child.

>> I cannot having you running

around, turning tricks and

embarrassing me in my town.

I'm boss.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> Now how 'bout I put you on

retainer for exclusivity for the

entire San Diego area?

And you want some variety,

you're just gonna have to take

your little ass on out to

Carlsbad.

>> Say what?

>> TASHA: Mm-hmm.

>> Are you saying that you

wanna pay me...

to be your full-time lover?

>> No.

I'm paying you to be my

full-time...escort.

Okay, that's what you people

like to be called, right?

Okay.

All right, so...take off my

stilettos and commence to

tickling my heels, 'cause your

services start right now, Negro.

>> [humming]

Hey, you.

>> Hey.

Where are you going?

>> Oh, me and Noah's ark is

gonna grab a biz-ite.

>> Noah's ark?

>> Yeah, it's like the nickname

I give Noah.

And, boo, you was right.

That cat is hella cool.

You want me to bring you

something back?

>> Of course, after one dinner,

and now you two are besties.

[sighs]

[sighs] Whatever.

Whatever.

>> Okay.

I gotta be honest.

I'm not feeling like you meant

that.

Something happened on the

shopping trip with you and

Janay?

Hey, [unintelligible], something

happened on the shopping trip

with you and Janay.

Did something happen on the

shopping trip with you and

Janay?

>> Derwin...I don't have any

friends.

I mean, am I such a horrible

person that no one wants to be

my friend?

>> Hey, no.

Hey, stop that.

Come on, cheer up, Charlie.

You're just going through a

rough patch.

Everybody goes through 'em, boo.

>> I'm sorry.

I don't wanna ruin your evening.

I'm getting tear stains all over

your blouse.

>> [laughs]

>> Why don't you and, um, Noah's

ark enjoy--

>> No, stop that.

Stop that.

Stop that. Hold on a second.

Hold on a second.

Hey, Noah, what's up, man?

It's Derwin.

I gotta take a bullet tonight.

Yeah, it's all good.

It's all good.

All right, man, I get with you.

Peace.

Boo, it doesn't even matter.

I wasn't really in the Noah kind

of mood anyway.

You know, why don't you go

upstairs and get your

toothbrush.

>> Toothbrush?

>> Yeah.

'Cause I wanna take my bestie to

Vegas tonight.

>> What?

>> Yes!

Go get your toothbrush.

We going to Vegas.

>> Okay.

>> No, no, just get the purse,

forget your toothbrush.

forget your toothbrush. We going dirty.

We going dirty.

We going dirty. >> ♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0