Original subtitles

>> LOOK, I'M GONNA GO OVER

THERE, AND I'M GONNA GET SOME

MORE SHRIMP.

I'M GONNA WALK ON BY, AND I'M

JUST GONNA IGNORE MS. THANG.

I SUGGEST YOU DO THE SAME.

>> UH, YEAH.

YEAH, OKAY.

BUT WHAT IF SHE SAYS SOMETHING

FIRST?

>> I'M GONNA IGNORE HER.

AND I SUGGEST YOU DO THE SAME.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

BUT, LOOK, WHAT IF SHE --

>> I WOULD IGNORE HER, TEE TEE,

AND I SUGGEST YOU DO THE SAME.

>> OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

TEAM MACK ALL THE WAY, RIGHT?

TEAM MACK ALL THE WAY, RIGHT? LET'S DO THIS.

LET'S DO THIS.

>> WHOO-HOO! [ LAUGHS ]

GREAT GAME, HUH?

>> WE'RE LOSING.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

YOU ARE SO FUNNY!

HEY!

HEY, D.J.!

>> HI!

>> HI, JANAY! HI, MARCELLA!

HEY, HI!

IT'S ME, MELANIE!

WHAT, WHAT, DO YOU MISS ME, HUH?

>> YEAH!

>> OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!

I'M COMING, I'M COMING, I'M

COMING!

>> HERE SHE COMES!

>> MWAH!

>> OH, LIKE MOMMY'S KISSES!

[ LAUGHTER ]

WILL YOU CHANGE HIM?

>> HE'S SO CUTE!

>> BYE!

>> BYE, CUTIE!

BYE, CUTIE!

[ LAUGHS ]

SO, I WAS THINKING, SINCE, YOU

KNOW, WE'RE COOL NOW AND ROOTING

FOR THE SAME TEAM, WE PROBABLY

SHOULD SIT TOGETHER LIKE ONE

BIG, HAPPY FAMILY.

>> "FAMILY" MIGHT BE A STRETCH.

WE JUST GOT CIVIL.

IS THIS BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE

ANY FRIENDS?

>> [ SCOFFS ]

PLEASE.

I HAVE PLENTY OF FRIENDS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

>> WILL YOU SHUT UP?

THROW MORE.

>> OH, MS. MACK, I'M NOT DOING

THAT!

>> I SAID THROW IT.

>> [ GROANS ]

>> I'M IN BETWEEN FRIENDS RIGHT

>> I'M IN BETWEEN FRIENDS RIGHT NOW.

NOW.

>> RUN. PASS THE BALL.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ GROANS ]

>> JANAY, YOUR SEAT IS GETTING

COLD.

I'M SURE MARCELLA'S FINE

CHANGING D.J.'S DIAPER.

YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THESE BOOTHS

GET.

>> OH, YEAH.

I'M -- I'M JUST WAITING ON A

FRIEND.

>> OH, OKAY!

WELL, I-I'LL WAIT WITH YOU.

>> OH, WILL YOU?

>> OH, WILL YOU? [ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ] >> OH, THERE HE IS.

>> OH, THERE HE IS.

>> OH.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR FRIEND WAS A

GUY.

>> HEY, BABE.

>> THIS IS MELANIE.

MELANIE, THIS IS NOAH.

>> NOAH?

OH, MY GOD.

SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU!

>> YOU TOO.

>> ARE YOU HUNGRY?

WANT ME TO MAKE YOU A PLATE?

>> NO, I GOT IT, BABE.

>> OKAY.

>> UM, HE'S CUTE!

HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN

DATING?

>> WE'RE NOT TRYING TO PUT

LABELS ON IT JUST YET, SO --

>> WELL, I LABEL HIM

"DELICIOUS."

OH, I HAVE AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU AND MR. DELICIOUS

COME OVER FOR COCKTAILS AND

CHATEAUBRIAND TOMORROW NIGHT?

>> UH --

>> DID I MENTION I HAVE A NEW

HERMèS BAG?

>> I--

>> AND DID I ALSO MENTION I'M

NOT GONNA TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER?

[ SIGHS ]

THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!

[ LAUGHS ]

NOAH.

>> ALL RIGHT.

OOH, WHAT'S 20% OF $155.33?

>> ABOUT $32.

>> COOL.

>> MOM, WHAT YOU DOING?

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT TIPPING ON TOP

OF THE TIP.

LOOK, IT SAYS RIGHT HERE

"GRATUITY IS INCLUDED."

>> BOY, THAT IS JUST A GUIDELINE

FOR POOR, IGNORANT PEOPLE LIKE

YOURSELF, OKAY?

TASHA MACK GOT MONEY, AND I WANT

EVERYBODY UP IN THIS PIECE TO

KNOW IT, OKAY?

SO TELL ALL THE AMIGOS

TASHA MACK IS BALLING!

>> PLEASE.

BEFORE MY CURRENT SITUATION,

THEY CALLED ME "GOAT --

G-O-A-T -- GREATEST OF ALL

TIPPERS."

SHOOT, WAITRESS COMES IN WITH A

SLIM WAIST AND A FAT ASS, I TIPS

FOR THE SLIM WAIST, AND I TIPS

FOR THE FAT ASS.

IF ANYTHING ELSE WRONG WITH MY

FOOD, I'M DEDUCTING.

[ CHUCKLES ]

KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

CANKLES -- GIVE ME THAT BACK.

BAD GRILLE -- GIVE ME THAT BACK.

PREGOS -- GIVE ME THAT BACK.

>> PLEASE.

>> Y'ALL KNOW WHERE I'M GOING

WITH THIS.

>> SEE THERE?

NEGROES LIKE YOU -- THAT'S THE

REASON WHY I GOT BLACK GUILT.

OVERCOMPENSATING FOR IGNORANT

NEGROES THAT DO EMBARRASSING

THINGS LIKE UNDER-TIPPING.

>> YEAH.

>> AND, MALIK, NOW, I KNOW I

MADE YOU BE NO IGNORANT NEGRO.

>> THAT'S THE "N" WORD THRICE IN

AS MANY SENTENCES.

>> RIGHT.

>> YOU MIGHT NEED TO GET SOME.

>> WATCH YOUR MOUTH AROUND MY

MAMA!

>> HEY, WE ALL ADULTS HERE,

RIGHT?

I MEAN, WE ALL GOT HAIR ON OUR

GROINS.

>> SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

>> MOM, LORD!

>> BOY, WILL YOU GROW UP?!

DAMN!

OKAY, SEE, THIS IS THE REASON

WHY I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR NO MAN

IN MY LIFE.

HELL, I'M TOO BUSY DEALING WITH

HIS IGNORANT ASS, TRYING TO GET

HIS CAREER BACK ON TRACK.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

CALL ME IGNORANT ONE MORE TIME.

>> IGNORANT, IGNORANT, IGNORANT,

IGNORANT, IGNORANT!

HELL!

OOH, LORD. SEE?

NOW YOU GOT MY PRESSURE ALL UP.

DAMN.

THE LAST THING I NEED ON TOP OF

THIS IS A RELATIONSHIP.

>> HOLD ON.

I DIDN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT A

RELATIONSHIP.

I'M TALKING ABOUT SEX, EVEN IF

IT MEANS YOU GOT TO HIRE A

PROFESSIONAL.

>> A HOOKER?

>> YEAH.

>> BOY, I WILL KILL YOU.

MY MAMA MIGHT BE A FAILURE WHEN

IT COMES TO MEN, BUT SHE AIN'T

DESPERATE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> PASS THE KETCHUP.

>> OKAY.

TASHA MACK DOES NOT PAY FOR SEX,

NOR DOES SHE HAVE TO.

>> RIGHT.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

I COULD SNATCH UP A MAN ANYTIME

I FEEL LIKE IT, ALL RIGHT?

I'M TELLING YOU, ALL THAT HOOKER

STUFF -- THAT'S SOME WHITE MESS.

>> NOW, SEE THAT, SEE THAT?

BLACK WOMEN -- Y'ALL ARE ALWAYS

LATE TO THE PARTY WHEN IT COMES

TO SEX.

I MEAN, YOU WERE LATE TO

THREESOMES.

YOU WERE LATE TO ORAL.

>> MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M ABOUT TO CALL YOUR MAMA AND

TALK DIRTY TO HER.

>> OOH, OOH!

>> HEY, SHIRLEY!

>> IS THE PRICE STILL THE SAME?

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

>> TEE TEE, THAT IS FUNNY 'CAUSE

YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE.

>> NOW, LOOK, THIS IS THE NUMBER

TO A VERY DISCREET ESCORT

SERVICE, OKAY?

NOW, REMEMBER, A WISE MAN ONCE

SAID YOU'RE NOT PAYING THEM TO

STAY.

YOU'RE PAYING THEM TO LEAVE.

WINK, WINK.

>> HERE YOU GO, MAMA.

>> HERE YOU GO, MAMA. >> THANK YOU.

>> THANK YOU.

>> HEY-O!

>> HEY!

>> WHAT'S UP, BOO BOO?

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> HEY, TODAY -- WHOA!

LOOK AT YOU, LOOKING ALL GOOD AS

YOU WANT TO LOOK.

WHY YOU ALL DRESSED UP?

>> WE'RE HAVING DINNER GUESTS.

>> WHO?

>> [ Mumbling ] JANAY AND HER

MAN.

>> "JANAY AND HER MAN"? WHAT?

>> AH! DERWIN, HER FRIEND.

NOW HURRY UP.

I LAID OUT YOUR TOM FORD SHIRT

TO MATCH MY YSL PUMPS.

I HOPE SHE NOTICES.

SHE'LL NOTICE.

>> UH, HOLD ON A SECOND,

MELANIE.

HOW ARE YOU GONNA INVITE JANAY

TO THE CRIB WITHOUT TALKING TO

ME?

>> WELL, BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE

ANY TIME TO TALK, BETWEEN YOUR

GAMES AND YOUR PRACTICES AND ME

NOT WANTING YOU TO SAY NO.

>> UNH-UNH, UNH-UNH.

YOU GOT CANCEL IT.

>> WHAT? NO.

I ALREADY HAD THE CHEF PREPARE

DINNER.

AND -- AND THE MAID -- SHE

CLEANED THE HOUSE.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHY ALL THIS TROUBLE FOR JANAY?

>> [ SIGHS ]

WE HAD A MOMENT IN THE SKYBOX

YESTERDAY.

NO, IT WAS EPIC.

I ASKED HER IF I HAD SPINACH IN

MY TEETH, AND GUESS WHAT SHE

SAID.

>> I HAVE NO IDEA.

>> YES!

[ LAUGHS ]

SHE DID NOT HAVE TO DO THAT,

DERWIN.

SO I WANT TO HELP HER GET HER

MAN.

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO FOR EACH

OTHER.

>> WOW.

THAT MUST HAVE SOME PIECE OF

SPINACH.

SHOULD HAVE SAVED IT.

SHOULD HAVE SAVED IT. >> WOULD IT BE WEIRD IF I DID?

>> WOULD IT BE WEIRD IF I DID?

>> WOULD IT BE WEIRD IF I DID? >> [ GROANS ]

>> [ GROANS ]

HEY, HEY, HEY!

LOOK, LOOK, THAT TRASH DOES NOT

LEAVE HERE UNTIL I SAY IT DOES,

ALL RIGHT?

¿COMPRENDE?

OH, HERE.

I BOSS.

I BOSS. GO AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

GO AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

GO AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS. [ DIALING ]

[ DIALING ]

>> UH, HELLO?

YEAH, I-I NEED TO HIRE A HOOKER.

MY NAME?

MY NAME? UH, DR. MELANIE BARNETT DAVIS.

UH, DR. MELANIE BARNETT DAVIS.

>> OH, MY GOD, JANAY, YOUR SHOES

ARE SO CUTE.

>> THANK YOU.

PASS ME SOME SOUR CREAM.

>> NO, THEY'RE REALLY CUTE.

ARE THEY YSL?

>> MNH-MNH. NO.

>> WELL, I JUST THOUGHT BECAUSE

THEY'RE CUTE, MINE ARE CUTE, AND

MINE ARE YSL!

>> OH. THOSE ARE CUTE.

>> She noticed.

>> Epic.

>> SO, DID YOU KNOW THAT NOAH

WRITES AN AMAZING POLITICAL BLOG

CALLED "HELL NOAH"?

ISN'T THAT CLEVER?

I MEAN, HIS NAME IS NOAH, BUT

HE'S ALL POLITICAL, SO HE'S

LIKE, "HELL NOAH!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I THINK WE GET IT, MEL.

>> IT'S, UH -- IT'S A HOBBY.

MOST OF MY TIME IS SPENT AT

"THE HUFFINGTON POST."

>> MM!

>> HE'S AN EDITOR.

>> I LOVE "THE HUFFINGTON POST."

>> I'M MORE OF A TELEVISION NEWS

GUY MYSELF, BUT I'LL MAKE SURE I

CHECK YOU OUT NEXT TIME PLAYING

"WORDS WITH FRIENDS."

>> NOT REALLY INTO BROADCAST

NEWS.

NO, IT'S LIKE RELIGION.

IT'S BECOMING THE NEW OPIATE OF

THE MASSES.

>> HMM.

SO, UM...

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

...YOU'RE NOT A-A FAN OF

RELIGION?

>> NOT ORGANIZED RELIGION.

>> YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I-I HEAR YOU, NOAH.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES RELIGION IN

THE WRONG HANDS CAN BE A

DANGEROUS THING.

I'VE SEEN "THE BOOK OF ELI."

>> YOU WERE THE ONE.

>> GUILTY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

>> THIS IS REALLY GOOD.

>> MMM, YUMMY.

>> WHAT UP?!

>> IRV! WHAT'S UP, DADDY?

>> GOT YOUR DEAL MEMO HERE.

I'M SORRY.

AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING,

HUH?

A LITTLE GRUBBING AND A FIERCE

GAME OF DOMINOS, PERHAPS?

>> NO, MAN.

WE'RE JUST HAVING A LITTLE

DINNER. DID YOU EAT?

>> NO. I CAN EAT, ABSOLUTELY.

>> UH, NOAH -- NOAH SENEGAL.

>> IRV -- IRV SMITH.

>> GOD, I'M SORRY.

UH, THIS IS NOAH, JANAY'S

ADORABLE DATE.

AND, NOAH, THIS IS IRV, DERWIN'S

OBNOXIOUS MANAGER.

>> OKAY.

SO YOU'RE MARRIED TO HER, YET

SHE HAS YOUR BABY, BUT SHE'S

DATING HIM.

[ Laughing ] I JUST LOVE

STEREOTYPES!

PASS THE WINE.

>> WOULD THAT KEEP YOU QUIET?

>> OH, COME ON, MEL.

WE ARE ALL FAMILY HERE, EXCEPT

FOR HIM.

HAVE WE GOOGLED THIS DUDE YET,

HUH?

BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME WEIRD

PEOPLE OUT THERE, YES.

OH, TRUST ME.

I LIVE NEXT DOOR TO ONE.

[ SNIFFS ]

STRANGEST THING.

THIS GUY HAS A CAR SEAT, YET NO

KIDS.

MM-HMM.

[ SLURPING ]

AHH!

SOUR CREAM ME.

>> HEY, UH, I'M COOL BEING

GOOGLED.

>> I DON'T KNOW.

HAVE WE GOOGLED YOU, IRV?

>> [ Laughing ] OH, NO!

I WOULD NOT DO THAT.

SERIOUSLY.

OKAY, BUT IF YOU DO, IN MY

DEFENSE, THERE'S A SMALL

PAKISTANI IN JERSEY WITH THE

SAME NAME, AND HE IS -- OH, HE

IS KINKY!

YEAH, HE DOES THIS THING WITH

HIS ANKLE. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M EATING, I'M EATING.

I'M SORRY. CHIVE ME.

>> SPEAKING OF PAKISTAN, I KNOW

A GREAT LITTLE SPOT DOWNTOWN.

THEY HAVE A GOAT TIKKA CHANGE

YOUR LIFE.

>> OH, WORD, LIKE A REAL-LIFE

[BLEATS] GOAT?

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> MAN, HEY, WE SHOULD

DEFINITELY GO SOMETIME.

>> MEL, CAN YOU SHOW ME WHERE

THE BATHROOM IS AGAIN?

>> OF COURSE.

>> OF COURSE. UM, EXCUSE US.

UM, EXCUSE US.

>> GIVE ME A HENNESSY ON THE

ROCKS.

HOLD THE ROCKS.

>> TOUGH DAY?

>> TOUGH DAY? >> TOUGH LIFE.

>> TOUGH LIFE.

MMM.

>> ♪ I'M READY, GIRL

♪ TAKE MY HAND

>> I'LL GET YOUR CHANGE.

>> NO, KEEP IT, JULIE.

PAY YOUR FRIENDS.

I'M BALLING.

[ SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT ]

OH.

>> WOW, YOU JUST GONNA WALK IN

HERE, TAKE MY BREATH AWAY, AND

LEAVE?

>> YOU NEED TO BE AT LEAST THIS

TALL TO RIDE THIS RIDE.

>> BUY YOU A DRINK?

>> BUY YOU A DRINK? >> I'LL TAKE IT.

>> I'LL TAKE IT.

>> REYNALDO.

>> TASHA.

>> SO, WHAT'S A WOMAN AS FINE AS

YOURSELF DOING A PLACE IN LIKE

THIS BY HERSELF, TASHA?

>> DON'T YOU HAVE ANY ORIGINAL

LINES, REYNALDO?

>> YEAH, BUT I USED THEM ON THE

GIRL IN THE CORNER.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

OH.

>> OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

THIS PLACE IS NOTORIOUS FOR

THAT.

>> FOR WHAT?

>> HMM.

LET'S JUST SAY IF YOU GOT THE

CASH, YOU CAN DEFINITELY SMASH.

IF YOU WANT TO ASK, IT WON'T

PASS.

IF YOU GOT THE BREAD, THOSE LEGS

WILL --

>> OKAY. SHUT THE HELL UP.

JUST SHUT THE HELL UP WITH THAT.

WHAT KIND OF IDIOT WOULD COME UP

IN HERE LOOKING FOR A

PROSTITUTE?

DON'T MAKE NO DAMN SENSE.

>> YOU'D BE SURPRISED.

>> REALLY?

>> MM-HMM.

>> OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HER?

>> OH, DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY.

I MEAN, LOOK AT HER. LOOK.

SHE'S WEARING A $20,000 TENNIS

BRACELET -- A GIFT FROM A

JOHN -- AND A PAIR OF $20

SHOES -- A GIFT FROM PAYLESS.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

OKAY, OKAY. WHAT ABOUT HER?

>> WHAT ABOUT YOU?

>> UH, EXCUSE YOU?

>> I'M SAYING YOU'RE DEFINITELY

FINE ENOUGH TO CHARGE FOR.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF I DID, YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE

TO AFFORD TALKING TO ME RIGHT

NOW.

>> AND I DON'T SEE A WEDDING

RING, SO NO ONE'S PAYING FOR

THAT.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

'CAUSE I GOT MY OWN MONEY, OKAY?

I CAN BUY AND SELL ANY MAN, ALL

RIGHT?

A MAN AIN'T NOTHING BUT A

HEADACHE TO ME, TAKING MY MIND

OFF MY CASH.

YOU KNOW WHAT? LET ME STOP.

JUST STOP, STOP.

>> NO, NO, NO, NO.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, GO

AHEAD.

>> SEE? THERE YOU GO.

WHAT, YOU TRYING TO BUY ME

DRINKS AGAIN?

>> MM-HMM.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M TELLING YOU, I DON'T NEED NO

MAN TO BUY ME DRINKS.

I DON'T NEED NO MAN TO BUY ME

DINNER.

I DON'T NEED NO MAN TO SATISFY

ME.

OH, SATISFY ME!

OH, SATISFY ME! SATISFY ME!

SATISFY ME!

>> I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

NOAH AND I HAVE BEEN SEEING EACH

OTHER FOR A WHILE NOW.

>> [ GASPS ]

I KNEW IT!

>> WELL, WE WERE TRYING TO KEEP

IT QUIET, YOU KNOW?

DIDN'T WANT TO FREAK DERWIN OUT.

>> WELL, WHY WOULD DERWIN FREAK

OUT?

THIS IS, LIKE, GREAT NEWS.

THIS IS, LIKE, GREAT NEWS. >> WELL, BECAUSE...

>> WELL, BECAUSE...

>> [ GASPS ]

>> ...WE'RE ENGAGED.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> YEAH.

>> YES!

[ LAUGHS ] YES!

A THOUSAND TIMES YES!

OH, GOD!

I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL MY PARENTS.

>> UH, NOAH AND I ARE ENGAGED,

NOT YOU AND ME.

>> WHAT?! I-I-- GOD!

I'M JUST -- I...

[ SIGHS ]

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS.

>> THANK YOU.

YOU KIND OF, YOU KNOW, PUSHED

THINGS FORWARD A LITTLE BIT WITH

THIS DINNER PARTY.

I MEAN, I AM DOWN THERE FEELING

AWKWARD, SWEATING.

NOAH'S NOT SAYING TOO MUCH,

BECAUSE HE'S AFRAID HE'LL SAY

TOO MUCH.

HE'S REALLY A GOOD GUY, THOUGH.

DERWIN SHOULD LIKE HIM.

>> WELL, I THINK THEY'RE HITTING

IT OFF NICELY!

>> YEAH?

>> YEAH!

>> WELL, IF HE'S ON THE FENCE

AND YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT

US AFTER WE LEAVE, WOULD YOU

MIND PUSHING HIM TO MY SIDE?

>> CONSIDER IT DONE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> MM-HMM.

>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK

YOU.

OKAY, BUT DON'T MENTION THE

RING, OKAY, BECAUSE I WANT TO

TELL HIM MYSELF WHEN THE TIME IS

RIGHT.

>> OKAY. YEAH, NO, OF COURSE.

IT'S JUST BETWEEN US GIRLS.

ALTHOUGH I'M SURE DERWIN -- HE

WILL BE SO HAPPY.

>> DON'T, DON'T, DON'T.

>> NO! OH, I WOULD NEVER.

YOU KNOW, CHICKENS BEFORE

DICKENS.

>> I'M SORRY?

>> PUMPS BEFORE CHUMPS.

>> WHAT?

>> SISTERS BEFORE MISTERS.

GUYS SUCK.

>> OKAY.

THAT ONE I GET.

>> YEAH.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ] >> OOH, YES, YES!

>> OOH, YES, YES!

>> THANK YOU, GUYS, FOR

EVERYTHING.

>> OH, MY PLEASURE.

>> HEY, NOAH, MY MAN, IT WAS A

PLEASURE.

>> PLEASURE'S MINE.

>> OH, COOL.

MAKE SURE YOU HUG MY SON FOR ME.

>> I ALWAYS DO.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> SEE YOU GUYS.

>> THANKS.

>> BYE-BYE.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.

>> BYE.

>> BYE.

>> AH, WHAT AN AMAZING NIGHT.

AND NOAH -- WHAT A SWEETHEART.

>> OH, GREAT GUY. LOVE HIM.

>> [ SLAMS FIST ]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THAT GUY'S A JACKASS.

>> COMPLETE AND UTTER DOUCHE

BAG.

>> TEE TEE, GUESS WHERE I AM.

NO!

BOY, WHY WOULD I BE CALLING YOU

FROM THE MOVIE THEATER?

NO. LOOK HERE.

I JUST HAD SEX.

OH, YEAH, WITH A MAN.

YEAH.

LOOK, I'M CALLING TO PROVE MY

POINT.

I AIN'T GOT TO PAY FOR MINE,

'CAUSE I GETS MINE.

WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE?

WELL, HE TALL.

HE GOT GOOD HAIR.

OOH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THINK RICK FOX, BUT BETTER.

MM-HMM.

AND HE GOT A-A VOICE LIKE

JAMES INGRAM, STRONG AND RASPY.

>> HEY, TASHA GIRL, WHERE YOU

AT?!

AT?! >> OH, I GOT TO GO.

>> OH, I GOT TO GO.

YEAH?

I KNOW YOU AIN'T IN NO HURRY,

ARE YOU?

>> NO. I JUST FIGURED I'D GO

AHEAD AND GET OUT YOUR WAY.

SO, YOU WANT TO SQUARE UP?

>> OOH, LOOK AT YOU BEING ALL

>> OOH, LOOK AT YOU BEING ALL FRISKY, LITTLE MAN.

FRISKY, LITTLE MAN.

>> YOU TRYING TO GO ANOTHER

ROUND?

>> YOU AIN'T?

>> ALL RIGHT. COOL.

I SHOULD WARN YOU, THOUGH.

>> WHAT?

>> IT'S GONNA COST YOU.

>> ALL RIGHT.

WELL, YOU KNOW I CAN HANDLE IT.

HELL, I WAS ON TOUR ONCE, SO

BRING IT.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> NOW, NORMALLY I'D CHARGE $500

AN HOUR FOR SEX, BUT FOR YOU...

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU THE

EARLY-BIRD SPECIAL.

>> WHAT THE HELL?! YO A HO?!

>> I PREFER THE TERM SEX

THERAPIST, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,

I'LL BE GOING TO JAIL FOR HO.

>> WHAT THE HELL?!

YOU TRYING TO CHARGE ME FOR SEX?

YOU KNOW WHAT?!

I OUGHT TO CHOP YOU UP INTO

PIECES AND FLUSH YOU DOWN THE

TOILET LIKE THE LITTLE TURD YOU

ARE!

>> LATASHA, STOP IT. COME ON

>> NO, YOU STOP IT!

>> YOU STOP IT.

>> YOU STOP IT!

LATASHA, COME ON. YOU KNEW.

>> I DID NOT KNOW THAT!

HELL, YOU STUCK TO ME LIKE YOU

WAS A REAL MAN!

>> TASHA, I AM A REAL MAN -- A

REAL EXPENSIVE MAN.

SO FOR SIX HOURS, I MADE ABOUT

$3,000.

>> NEGRO, YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING

ME.

>> TASHA, PLEASE. COME ON.

NOW, LOOK, WE HAD AN AMAZING

TIME LAST NIGHT.

I AIN'T GONNA STOP.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY.

>> NO, I AIN'T GOT TO DO

NOTHING, OKAY?!

SO WHAT IF I DON'T PAY?

THEN WHAT?

>> I'M GONNA MAKE A PHONE CALL.

THEN YOU'RE GONNA END UP CHOPPED

UP IN LITTLE PIECES AND FLUSHED

DOWN THE TOILET.

>> I AIN'T GOT NO CASH.

>> THAT'S OKAY.

I TAKE ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS.

SIX HOURS.

AND, UM, I GOT TO CHARGE YOU FOR

THE DRINKS I BOUGHT YOU EARLIER.

I DON'T NEED TIP ON THE TIP,

SO...

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> [ SIGHS ] HOLD IT STILL!

HOLD IT STILL!

HOLD IT STILL! >> [ SIGHS ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> [ SIGHS ] >> WHAT?

>> WHAT?

>> DERWIN, CAN WE HAVE A TRUTH

MOMENT?

>> [ SCOFFS ]

A...

YOU WANT TO HAVE A TRUTH MOMENT

NOW?

>> WE AGREED NEVER TO GO TO BED

HOLDING ON TO OUR TRUTHS, AND I

NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

>> TRUTH ABOUT WHAT?

>> DO YOU REALLY HATE NOAH, OR

DO YOU JUST HATE THE IDEA OF

JANAY BEING WITH SOMEONE OTHER

THAN YOU?

>> A-A-ARE YOU SERIOUS?

NO, MELANIE.

I'M NOT GONNA DO THIS WITH YOU.

I MEAN, IT'S 12:00, FOR CHRIST

SAKES!

GO TO BED!

"TRUTH MOMENT."

KIDDING?

>> WELL, MY TRUTH IS JANAY AND

NOAH ARE GETTING MARRIED.

NOAH ARE GETTING MARRIED. GOOD NIGHT.

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