Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,482 --> 00:00:03,172
[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
2
00:00:03,172 --> 00:00:03,902
>> POPCORN?
3
00:00:03,896 --> 00:00:05,406
>> NO, I BROUGHT MY OWN FOOD.
4
00:00:05,413 --> 00:00:06,763
>> WHAT?
5
00:00:06,758 --> 00:00:08,338
WHAT YOU GOT?
6
00:00:08,344 --> 00:00:09,664
>> M&M's, JUJUBES, AND
7
00:00:09,655 --> 00:00:10,585
CHICKEN WINGS.
8
00:00:10,586 --> 00:00:11,406
>> WOW.
9
00:00:11,413 --> 00:00:12,663
CHARDONNAY, REALLY?
10
00:00:12,655 --> 00:00:13,655
>> WHAT?
11
00:00:13,655 --> 00:00:14,545
THAT IS GONNA GO SO WELL WITH
12
00:00:14,551 --> 00:00:15,721
MY JUNIOR MINTS, SWEDISH FISH,
13
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,004
AND POTATO SKINS.
14
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,340
>> [ LAUGHS ]
15
00:00:18,344 --> 00:00:19,454
YOU DON'T HAVE SOUR CREAM,
16
00:00:19,448 --> 00:00:20,138
DO YOU?
17
00:00:20,137 --> 00:00:22,757
>> [ SCOFFS ] DO I!
18
00:00:22,758 --> 00:00:24,168
[ GUNSHOT ]
19
00:00:24,172 --> 00:00:25,212
HERE YOU GO.
20
00:00:25,206 --> 00:00:25,926
>> UGH!
21
00:00:25,931 --> 00:00:26,621
>> OH, PLEASE.
22
00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:27,690
LIKE YOU NEVER KEPT SOUR CREAM
23
00:00:27,689 --> 00:00:28,379
IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.
24
00:00:28,379 --> 00:00:29,239
>> OH, MY GOD.
25
00:00:29,241 --> 00:00:30,621
I CAN'T STAND WHEN THEY OPEN A
26
00:00:30,620 --> 00:00:31,900
MOVIE WITH A FOOTRACE.
27
00:00:31,896 --> 00:00:33,896
DOWN THE ALLEY! DOWN THE ALLEY!
28
00:00:33,896 --> 00:00:34,616
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
29
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:35,550
HOP THOSE BUSHES, GIRL!
30
00:00:35,551 --> 00:00:36,551
THE COPS IS ON YOUR BUTT!
31
00:00:36,551 --> 00:00:37,621
>> Shh!
32
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,620
>> "Shh" YOURSELF.
33
00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:39,930
WE PAID FOR THESE TICKETS.
34
00:00:39,931 --> 00:00:40,721
>> YEAH!
35
00:00:40,724 --> 00:00:43,244
STUDENT DISCOUNT, SUCKER!
36
00:00:43,241 --> 00:00:44,551
>> UNH-UNH!
37
00:00:44,551 --> 00:00:46,481
UGH.
38
00:00:46,482 --> 00:00:49,002
>> RUN IN THE HOUSE!
39
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:49,970
RUN! COME ON!
40
00:00:49,965 --> 00:00:51,275
OF COURSE THE DOOR IS LOCKED.
41
00:00:51,275 --> 00:00:52,235
USE THE DOGGIE DOOR.
42
00:00:52,241 --> 00:00:53,451
>> LOOK, NOW HE'S STUCK IN THE
43
00:00:53,448 --> 00:00:54,278
DOGGIE DOOR.
44
00:00:54,275 --> 00:00:55,065
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
45
00:00:55,068 --> 00:00:55,968
>> UGH!
46
00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:56,785
[ GUNSHOT ]
47
00:00:56,793 --> 00:00:58,793
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
48
00:00:58,793 --> 00:00:59,973
>> SHOT IN THE ASS.
49
00:00:59,965 --> 00:01:01,615
>> OH, NEVER USE THE DOGGIE
50
00:01:01,620 --> 00:01:02,790
DOOR.
51
00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:04,283
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
52
00:01:04,275 --> 00:01:08,025
>> I LIKE YOU.
53
00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:09,414
NO, I MEAN, I LIKE HANGING OUT
54
00:01:09,413 --> 00:01:10,593
WITH YOU, CHARDONNAY.
55
00:01:10,586 --> 00:01:11,716
>> HMM.
56
00:01:11,724 --> 00:01:12,694
>> EVEN GOT USED TO SAYING YOUR
57
00:01:12,689 --> 00:01:13,829
RIDICULOUS NAME.
58
00:01:13,827 --> 00:01:17,477
[ CHUCKLES ]
59
00:01:17,482 --> 00:01:18,832
I'M THINKING, AFTER THE
60
00:01:18,827 --> 00:01:20,447
ANNULMENT, WE SHOULD, YOU KNOW,
61
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:21,968
KEEP SEEING EACH OTHER.
62
00:01:21,965 --> 00:01:24,515
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
63
00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:26,517
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
64
00:01:26,517 --> 00:01:28,067
>> I MEAN, JASON, IT'S BEEN FUN,
65
00:01:28,068 --> 00:01:29,278
BUT WE BOTH AGREED THAT, AFTER
66
00:01:29,275 --> 00:01:30,785
THE ANNULMENT WAS FINAL, WE'D GO
67
00:01:30,793 --> 00:01:32,033
OUR SEPARATE WAYS.
68
00:01:32,034 --> 00:01:33,144
YOUR GHETTO FANTASY IS ALMOST
69
00:01:33,137 --> 00:01:34,307
OVER, SO YOU BEST BE GETTING IT
70
00:01:34,310 --> 00:01:35,310
IN BEFORE THE CLOCK STRIKES
71
00:01:35,310 --> 00:01:37,720
IN BEFORE THE CLOCK STRIKES
MIDNIGHT.
72
00:01:37,724 --> 00:01:46,174
MIDNIGHT.
73
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:48,792
>> YO! PITTSY!
74
00:01:48,793 --> 00:01:49,693
JASON!
75
00:01:49,689 --> 00:01:52,619
>> JASON, I'M HERE.
76
00:01:52,620 --> 00:01:53,760
WOW.
77
00:01:53,758 --> 00:01:54,998
>> YO, DAWG.
78
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,070
>> WHAT'S UP, PIGLETS?
79
00:01:56,068 --> 00:01:56,898
>> WHAT'S UP, MAN?
80
00:01:56,896 --> 00:01:57,996
WHERE'S EVERYBODY AT?
81
00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:58,860
>> YEAH, YOU TOLD ME TO COME
82
00:01:58,862 --> 00:01:59,762
DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW.
83
00:01:59,758 --> 00:02:00,588
>> OH, YEAH, NO.
84
00:02:00,586 --> 00:02:01,336
THAT WAS A LIE.
85
00:02:01,344 --> 00:02:02,174
>> OH, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON
86
00:02:02,172 --> 00:02:02,862
HERE.
87
00:02:02,862 --> 00:02:04,102
YOU CONCOCTED THIS WHOLE THING
88
00:02:04,103 --> 00:02:05,343
TO GET ME AND HIM DOWN HERE SO
89
00:02:05,344 --> 00:02:06,664
WE CAN SQUASH OUR BEEF, RIGHT?
90
00:02:06,655 --> 00:02:07,855
>> WHAT, YOU GUYS ARE BEEFING?
91
00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:08,832
>> YOU KNOW I CAN'T STAND THIS
92
00:02:08,827 --> 00:02:09,517
FOOL.
93
00:02:09,517 --> 00:02:11,547
SHOOT. TRYING TO REPLACE ME WITH
94
00:02:11,551 --> 00:02:12,721
KWAN'S PUNK ASS.
95
00:02:12,724 --> 00:02:13,524
>> MAN, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
96
00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:14,207
ABOUT?
97
00:02:14,206 --> 00:02:15,476
YOU SLEPT WITH THE OWNER'S WIFE!
98
00:02:15,482 --> 00:02:16,662
>> THAT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS!
99
00:02:16,655 --> 00:02:17,515
>> GUYS, GUYS, THIS IS YOUR
100
00:02:17,517 --> 00:02:18,207
ISSUE!
101
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:18,896
I DON'T CARE.
102
00:02:18,896 --> 00:02:20,026
I STAGED THIS WHOLE THING TO
103
00:02:20,034 --> 00:02:21,414
SAVE GAS.
104
00:02:21,413 --> 00:02:22,693
I GOT 20 MINUTES FOR LUNCH.
105
00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:24,139
HERE'S MY PROBLEM.
106
00:02:24,137 --> 00:02:25,447
SO, I GOT MARRIED, RIGHT?
107
00:02:25,448 --> 00:02:26,138
>> I'M OUT.
108
00:02:26,137 --> 00:02:27,097
>> YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
109
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:28,073
YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME, DAWG.
110
00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:30,068
>> TO A BLACK WOMAN.
111
00:02:30,068 --> 00:02:32,028
>> DID YOU JUST SAY BLACK?
112
00:02:32,034 --> 00:02:33,594
>> YEP.
113
00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:34,996
>> LIKE, BLACK BLACK?
114
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:35,830
>> BLACK BLACK.
115
00:02:35,827 --> 00:02:37,067
>> YO, LIKE CAMILLE BLACK.
116
00:02:37,068 --> 00:02:37,828
>> MORE BLACK.
117
00:02:37,827 --> 00:02:38,897
>> LIKE MY WIFE BLACK?
118
00:02:38,896 --> 00:02:39,656
>> REAL BLACK.
119
00:02:39,655 --> 00:02:40,585
>> LIKE MY MAMA BLACK?
120
00:02:40,586 --> 00:02:41,616
>> THAT'S THE BLACK.
121
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:42,620
>> Both: OH!
122
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,790
>> I GOT TO HEAR THIS.
123
00:02:43,793 --> 00:02:45,413
>> OKAY. OKAY.
124
00:02:45,413 --> 00:02:46,973
SO, I MET THIS WOMAN, WE GOT
125
00:02:46,965 --> 00:02:48,445
DRUNK -- LIKE, REALLY, REALLY,
126
00:02:48,448 --> 00:02:49,828
REALLY, SUPER-DUPER DRUNK --
127
00:02:49,827 --> 00:02:51,027
ENDED UP IN TIJUANA.
128
00:02:51,034 --> 00:02:51,974
Y'ALL KNOW THE REST OF THAT
129
00:02:51,965 --> 00:02:52,655
MOVIE.
130
00:02:52,655 --> 00:02:53,515
>> ALMOST BEEN THERE.
131
00:02:53,517 --> 00:02:54,787
>> ALL RIGHT, SO WE'RE GETTING
132
00:02:54,793 --> 00:02:55,833
THE MARRIAGE ANNULLED.
133
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:57,027
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, I KIND
134
00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:58,034
OF -- I LIKE CHARDONNAY.
135
00:02:58,034 --> 00:02:59,104
>> YO! I ALMOST MARRIED
136
00:02:59,103 --> 00:02:59,973
CHARDONNAY.
137
00:02:59,965 --> 00:03:00,995
>> NO, IT'S PROBABLY A DIFFERENT
138
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:01,760
CHARDONNAY.
139
00:03:01,758 --> 00:03:02,408
>> NO, DUDE!
140
00:03:02,413 --> 00:03:03,553
REDBONE, TALL, GOT AN
141
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:04,381
UPSIDE-DOWN BOTTLE OF WINE
142
00:03:04,379 --> 00:03:05,169
TATTED ON HER BOOTY?
143
00:03:05,172 --> 00:03:06,452
>> NO, THAT'S THE STRIPPER
144
00:03:06,448 --> 00:03:07,448
CHARDONNAY.
145
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:08,138
>> STRIPPER.
146
00:03:08,137 --> 00:03:08,997
>> NO, SHE'S --
147
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,000
NO, MY CHARDONNAY IS LIKE --
148
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:10,900
SHE'S ABOUT YEA HIGH, KIND OF
149
00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:12,026
DARK SKIN, SHE'S A BARTENDER.
150
00:03:12,034 --> 00:03:12,794
>> BARTENDER?
151
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,593
>> I KNOW.
152
00:03:14,586 --> 00:03:16,376
THIS WOMAN, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL,
153
00:03:16,379 --> 00:03:17,859
SHE'S WITTY, SHE'S SPUNKY, AND
154
00:03:17,862 --> 00:03:19,102
SHE'S SHOWING ME THINGS, MAN.
155
00:03:19,103 --> 00:03:21,553
LIKE, YOU GUYS KNOW ADDING BACON
156
00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:24,141
TO ANYTHING MAKES IT DELICIOUS?
157
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,027
AND A DAB OF VASELINE RIGHT HERE
158
00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:27,454
ON YOUR ELBOWS MAKES THEM SILKY
159
00:03:27,448 --> 00:03:28,968
AS I DON'T KNOW WHAT?
160
00:03:28,965 --> 00:03:30,375
AND IF YOU'RE OUT AND ABOUT AND
161
00:03:30,379 --> 00:03:31,999
YOU WALK PAST A BLACK PERSON, IF
162
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,480
YOU GIVE THEM ONE OF THESE...
163
00:03:33,482 --> 00:03:35,592
THEY GIVE YOU ONE BACK!
164
00:03:35,586 --> 00:03:36,446
IT'S LIKE WE'RE IN A SECRET
165
00:03:36,448 --> 00:03:37,338
CLUB.
166
00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:38,214
>> OKAY, SO, J.J., WHAT'S THE
167
00:03:38,206 --> 00:03:38,926
PROBLEM?
168
00:03:38,931 --> 00:03:39,621
>> EXACTLY!
169
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,520
SO I TELL HER I WANT TO KEEP
170
00:03:40,517 --> 00:03:41,447
SEEING HER AFTER THE ANNULMENT.
171
00:03:41,448 --> 00:03:42,998
SHE TELLS ME NO.
172
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:43,830
>> I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
173
00:03:43,827 --> 00:03:44,757
WHY DON'T YOU JUST PULL UP ON
174
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:45,448
THE ANNULMENT.
175
00:03:45,448 --> 00:03:46,208
THAT'S PROBABLY WHY SHE'S
176
00:03:46,206 --> 00:03:46,926
BUGGING.
177
00:03:46,931 --> 00:03:47,931
>> NO, NO, NO, I CAN'T PULL UP.
178
00:03:47,931 --> 00:03:48,901
>> MM. FINANCES.
179
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,136
>> YEAH, THAT, AND WE BARELY
180
00:03:50,137 --> 00:03:50,997
KNOW EACH OTHER.
181
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,030
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T START THE RACE
182
00:03:52,034 --> 00:03:53,004
AT THE FINISH LINE.
183
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,000
THE ANNULMENT HAS TO HAPPEN.
184
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,620
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, J.?
185
00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:57,210
WHEN I WAS FORCED INTO BREAKING
186
00:03:57,206 --> 00:03:58,786
UP WITH JENNA, DAWG, I'M TELLING
187
00:03:58,793 --> 00:03:59,903
YOU, THAT WAS A HARD PILL FOR
188
00:03:59,896 --> 00:04:00,996
ME TO SWALLOW.
189
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,070
BUT THERE'S AN OLD SAYING THAT
190
00:04:02,068 --> 00:04:03,238
ACTUALLY HELPED ME GET THROUGH
191
00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:04,621
IT -- "IF YOU LOVE HER, SET HER
192
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,690
FREE."
193
00:04:05,689 --> 00:04:06,689
SHE COME BACK TO YOU?
194
00:04:06,689 --> 00:04:07,859
LOVE IS BLIND, BABY.
195
00:04:07,862 --> 00:04:09,002
>> YOU'RE A SPECIAL KIND OF
196
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:09,930
STUPID. DING-DONG?
197
00:04:09,931 --> 00:04:11,481
>> IT SEEMS TO ME THAT MAYBE YOU
198
00:04:11,482 --> 00:04:12,662
SHOULD OPEN UP AND SHOW HER A
199
00:04:12,655 --> 00:04:13,335
LITTLE BIT OF YOU.
200
00:04:13,344 --> 00:04:14,414
SHOW HER THERE'S MORE TO
201
00:04:14,413 --> 00:04:15,833
JASON PITTS THAN JUST A BIG HEAD
202
00:04:15,827 --> 00:04:17,517
AND AN EVER-EXPANDING WAISTLINE.
203
00:04:17,517 --> 00:04:19,687
I NOTICED.
204
00:04:19,689 --> 00:04:21,589
>> IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE YOU'RE FAT.
205
00:04:21,586 --> 00:04:22,996
>> TIME HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME.
206
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:23,760
THANKS FOR THE ADVICE,
207
00:04:23,758 --> 00:04:24,788
DING-DONG.
208
00:04:24,793 --> 00:04:25,523
GLAD YOU BROUGHT YOUR OVARIES
209
00:04:25,517 --> 00:04:26,307
WITH YOU.
210
00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:27,000
THAT'S LUNCH, PEOPLE.
211
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,480
>> AAH!
212
00:04:29,482 --> 00:04:30,902
>> I DO NOT KNOW HOW I LET YOU
213
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,026
TALK ME INTO DOING THAT.
214
00:04:32,034 --> 00:04:34,004
>> WHAT? MAKING LOVE?
215
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,380
>> MELANIE, THAT IS NOT WHAT WE
216
00:04:35,379 --> 00:04:36,409
DID.
217
00:04:36,413 --> 00:04:38,383
>> I'M SORRY I WASN'T AS GENTLE
218
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:39,719
AS I USUALLY AM.
219
00:04:39,724 --> 00:04:40,864
I'M JUST TRYING TO STAY ON TOP
220
00:04:40,862 --> 00:04:41,862
OF MY OVULATION SCHEDULE.
221
00:04:41,862 --> 00:04:42,792
>> SHE SAID "GENTLE"...
222
00:04:42,793 --> 00:04:43,973
YEAH, NO, NO, I GOT THAT WHEN
223
00:04:43,965 --> 00:04:44,965
YOU KEPT YELLING, "DO IT!
224
00:04:44,965 --> 00:04:45,615
MAKE ME A BABY!
225
00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:47,340
PUT A BABY IN ME!"
226
00:04:47,344 --> 00:04:48,764
>> I WAS JUST CHEERING YOU ON.
227
00:04:48,758 --> 00:04:49,548
>> MM-HMM.
228
00:04:49,551 --> 00:04:50,311
LOOK, BABE, I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR
229
00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:50,970
THIS.
230
00:04:50,965 --> 00:04:51,995
WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CHURCH.
231
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:52,790
COME ON.
232
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,283
>> DERWIN, RELAX.
233
00:04:54,275 --> 00:04:55,235
>> NO, SEE, I CAN'T RELAX.
234
00:04:55,241 --> 00:04:56,241
THAT'S HOW WE GOT STARTED RIGHT
235
00:04:56,241 --> 00:04:57,861
THERE -- WITH THEM SOFT LIPS.
236
00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:59,072
LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT,
237
00:04:59,068 --> 00:04:59,858
DURING THE SEASON, I DON'T GET
238
00:04:59,862 --> 00:05:00,762
TO GO TO CHURCH THAT MUCH.
239
00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:01,898
SO WHEN I DO GO, I LIKE TO BE
240
00:05:01,896 --> 00:05:02,756
ON TIME.
241
00:05:02,758 --> 00:05:03,718
>> AND I'M TELLING YOU, WE'RE
242
00:05:03,724 --> 00:05:04,524
GOOD.
243
00:05:04,517 --> 00:05:05,447
I JUST TEXTED PASTOR.
244
00:05:05,448 --> 00:05:06,378
HE'S HOLDING UP THE SERVICE FOR
245
00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:07,239
US.
246
00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:07,971
>> HOLDING UP THE SERVICE?
247
00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:08,995
PASTOR SAMUELS WOULD NEVER DO
248
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:09,860
THAT.
249
00:05:09,862 --> 00:05:10,722
>> THAT'S WHY HE'S NO LONGER OUR
250
00:05:10,724 --> 00:05:11,594
PASTOR.
251
00:05:11,586 --> 00:05:12,276
>> YEAH, RIGHT.
252
00:05:12,275 --> 00:05:13,655
YOU GOT PASTOR SAMUELS FIRED?
253
00:05:13,655 --> 00:05:14,335
>> NO.
254
00:05:14,344 --> 00:05:15,624
I JUST FOUND A DIFFERENT ONE.
255
00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:17,240
>> YOU CHANGED CHURCHES?
256
00:05:17,241 --> 00:05:19,341
>> I DIDN'T CHANGE GODS, DERWIN.
257
00:05:19,344 --> 00:05:20,384
LOOK, YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN
258
00:05:20,379 --> 00:05:21,169
A CHURCH, RIGHT?
259
00:05:21,172 --> 00:05:21,862
>> YEAH.
260
00:05:21,862 --> 00:05:22,692
>> SO I BOUGHT THE CLOTHES, I
261
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:23,619
LEARNED THE SONGS -- OH!
262
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:25,310
AND I EVEN ADDED JOHN 3:16 TO
263
00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:26,900
AND I EVEN ADDED JOHN 3:16 TO
ALL OF MY SIGNATURES.
264
00:05:26,896 --> 00:05:30,406
ALL OF MY SIGNATURES.
265
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,663
>> RIGHT THIS WAY.
266
00:05:31,655 --> 00:05:32,685
>> THANK YOU.
267
00:05:32,689 --> 00:05:33,899
OH, MR. MAYOR.
268
00:05:33,896 --> 00:05:34,996
DERWIN, MR. MAYOR.
269
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,280
>> THE REAL FIRST COUPLE OF
270
00:05:36,275 --> 00:05:36,995
SAN DIEGO.
271
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:37,690
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
272
00:05:37,689 --> 00:05:38,999
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.
273
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,240
IT'S ELECTION YEAR, RIGHT?
274
00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:41,001
>> WELL...
275
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,480
>> GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
276
00:05:42,482 --> 00:05:43,662
>> WELL, YOU HAVE OUR VOTE.
277
00:05:43,655 --> 00:05:44,335
>> THANK YOU.
278
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,214
>> THANK YOU.
WE'RE COUNTING ON IT.
279
00:05:46,206 --> 00:05:50,446
WE'RE COUNTING ON IT.
280
00:05:50,448 --> 00:05:51,828
>> DERWIN, YOU KNOW DeRAY?
281
00:05:51,827 --> 00:05:53,237
HE WAS IN THAT MOVIE YOU LOVED,
282
00:05:53,241 --> 00:05:54,591
"JUMPING THE BROOM."
283
00:05:54,586 --> 00:05:55,476
DO ONE OF THE LINES.
284
00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:56,552
>> I'M NOT GONNA DO ONE OF
285
00:05:56,551 --> 00:05:57,281
THE LINES, MEL.
286
00:05:57,275 --> 00:05:58,655
>> I'LL DO IT. UM...
287
00:05:58,655 --> 00:06:00,235
"HOW MONEY GONNA CHANGE ME WHEN
288
00:06:00,241 --> 00:06:01,551
I AIN'T GOT NO MONEY?"
289
00:06:01,551 --> 00:06:02,761
>> UM, LET'S DO A LINE IN FROM A
290
00:06:02,758 --> 00:06:03,968
VERSION IN CHURCH -- "THOU SHALL
291
00:06:03,965 --> 00:06:05,785
VERSION IN CHURCH -- "THOU SHALL
NOT TALKETH TOO MUCH."
292
00:06:05,793 --> 00:06:10,073
NOT TALKETH TOO MUCH."
293
00:06:10,068 --> 00:06:11,968
>> HEY, MAMA!
294
00:06:11,965 --> 00:06:13,585
LOOK WHO I FOUND.
295
00:06:13,586 --> 00:06:16,656
YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ]
296
00:06:16,655 --> 00:06:17,715
>> SO, THIS CHURCH HAS A V.I.P.
297
00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:18,414
SECTION.
298
00:06:18,413 --> 00:06:19,173
>> YEAH.
299
00:06:19,172 --> 00:06:20,522
IT'S JUST LIKE HEAVEN -- NOT
300
00:06:20,517 --> 00:06:22,307
EVERYBODY GETS IN.
301
00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:23,310
>> MEL, A-ARE YOU HOLDING UP
302
00:06:23,310 --> 00:06:24,170
SERVICE AGAIN?
303
00:06:24,172 --> 00:06:25,032
BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE SOMEPLACE
304
00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:26,344
TO BE.
305
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,764
>> DO YOU, DeRAY?
306
00:06:28,758 --> 00:06:31,588
DO YOU?
307
00:06:31,586 --> 00:06:33,446
DO YOU?
>> [ SCOFFS ]
308
00:06:33,448 --> 00:06:39,138
>> [ SCOFFS ]
309
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,167
>> DID YOU JUST NOD TO THE
310
00:06:40,172 --> 00:06:40,862
PASTOR?
311
00:06:40,862 --> 00:06:41,592
>> MM-HMM.
312
00:06:41,586 --> 00:06:42,516
I WINKED LAST WEEK, AND IT
313
00:06:42,517 --> 00:06:43,517
DEFINITELY SENT THE WRONG
314
00:06:43,517 --> 00:06:45,447
MESSAGE.
315
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:48,448
>> AMEN. WELCOME, EVERYONE.
316
00:06:48,448 --> 00:06:49,658
LET'S GIVE GOD SOME PRAISE,
317
00:06:49,655 --> 00:06:50,305
SHALL WE?
318
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,790
COME ON, NOW!
319
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:55,623
COME ON!
320
00:06:55,620 --> 00:06:57,280
PRAISE DANCING.
321
00:06:57,275 --> 00:06:58,335
AMEN.
322
00:06:58,344 --> 00:06:59,454
>> ♪ NOTHING BUT CLOUDS IN THE
323
00:06:59,448 --> 00:07:00,208
SKY ♪
324
00:07:00,206 --> 00:07:01,546
>> ISN'T IT SO MUCH BETTER
325
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,211
SITTING UP FRONT?
326
00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:04,756
I MEAN, YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE THE
327
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,028
EXPRESSIONS ON THE DANCERS'
328
00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:07,554
FACES.
329
00:07:07,551 --> 00:07:09,621
FACES.
>> ♪ NOTHING BUT BLUE SKIES
330
00:07:09,620 --> 00:07:14,140
>> ♪ NOTHING BUT BLUE SKIES
331
00:07:14,137 --> 00:07:15,137
>> HEY.
332
00:07:15,137 --> 00:07:17,407
>> HMM.
333
00:07:17,413 --> 00:07:18,723
>> YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD SINCE
334
00:07:18,724 --> 00:07:19,724
CHURCH.
335
00:07:19,724 --> 00:07:21,214
>> YEAH.
336
00:07:21,206 --> 00:07:22,166
I DON'T KNOW, MEL.
337
00:07:22,172 --> 00:07:23,592
I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THE
338
00:07:23,586 --> 00:07:25,716
PASTOR GIVING US THE -- WHAT,
339
00:07:25,724 --> 00:07:27,554
THE SAMMY SOSA KISS DURING THE
340
00:07:27,551 --> 00:07:29,521
OFFERING AND THE USHER GIVING ME
341
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,167
A SCALP MASSAGE DURING THE
342
00:07:31,172 --> 00:07:32,312
SERMON.
343
00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:34,000
LIKE, REALLY?
344
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:34,860
I DON'T KNOW.
345
00:07:34,862 --> 00:07:36,072
I GUESS THE AUTO DETAIL WASN'T
346
00:07:36,068 --> 00:07:37,098
SO HORRIBLE.
347
00:07:37,103 --> 00:07:38,033
>> RIGHT?
348
00:07:38,034 --> 00:07:39,214
LOOK, I KNOW IT'S GONNA TAKE
349
00:07:39,206 --> 00:07:40,336
SOME TIME GETTING USED TO AT
350
00:07:40,344 --> 00:07:41,554
FIRST, BUT WE WRITE BIG CHECKS
351
00:07:41,551 --> 00:07:42,621
FOR THAT KIND OF TREATMENT.
352
00:07:42,620 --> 00:07:43,790
>> WHOA, WHOA, MEL.
353
00:07:43,793 --> 00:07:44,553
HOW BIG?
354
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,451
HOW BIG?
>> MM.
355
00:07:46,448 --> 00:07:49,448
>> MM.
356
00:07:49,448 --> 00:07:52,828
>> LET ME SEE THAT.
357
00:07:52,827 --> 00:07:53,857
WHAT'S THAT SAY IN YOUR MEMO
358
00:07:53,862 --> 00:07:55,242
SPACE?
359
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:57,031
>> "MAKE ME PREGNANT."
360
00:07:57,034 --> 00:07:57,764
WHAT?
361
00:07:57,758 --> 00:07:58,758
THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING FOR.
362
00:07:58,758 --> 00:08:01,208
>> MELANIE, GOD IS NOT A GENIE.
363
00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:02,206
>> WELL, HE GRANTED MY WISH
364
00:08:02,206 --> 00:08:03,276
LAST WEEK.
365
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,785
>> WHAT WAS YOUR WISH LAST WEEK?
366
00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:07,143
>> "LOSE 5 POUNDS"?
367
00:08:07,137 --> 00:08:08,207
>> YES.
368
00:08:08,206 --> 00:08:10,236
SAY, "THANK YOU, GOD!"
369
00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:11,241
>> WOW, MELANIE, YOU ARE
370
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:11,971
RIDICULOUS.
371
00:08:11,965 --> 00:08:13,095
THIS WHOLE V.I.P. THING HAS GOT
372
00:08:13,103 --> 00:08:14,103
YOU TWISTED.
373
00:08:14,103 --> 00:08:15,313
>> WELL, V.I.P. IS PUTTING ME IN
374
00:08:15,310 --> 00:08:16,340
MAJOR CIRCLES EVERY WEEK.
375
00:08:16,344 --> 00:08:17,624
>> WELL, LOOK, MELANIE, IT
376
00:08:17,620 --> 00:08:18,860
DOESN'T MATTER, OKAY?
377
00:08:18,862 --> 00:08:19,902
'CAUSE WE GOT TWO CHOICES -- WE
378
00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:20,856
CAN EITHER GO BACK TO THE OLD
379
00:08:20,862 --> 00:08:21,862
CHURCH OR GO BACK TO THIS NEW
380
00:08:21,862 --> 00:08:22,902
ONE, BUT WE'RE GONNA SIT IN THE
381
00:08:22,896 --> 00:08:23,996
BACK WITH THE REGULAR PEOPLE.
382
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,620
>> YOU MEAN IN COACH?
383
00:08:25,620 --> 00:08:27,170
>> NO, I MEAN IN BACK WITH THE
384
00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:28,242
REGULAR PEOPLE.
385
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:29,451
>> COACH.
386
00:08:29,448 --> 00:08:31,138
DERWIN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT V.I.P.
387
00:08:31,137 --> 00:08:32,547
STANDS FOR IN THE CHURCH?
388
00:08:32,551 --> 00:08:33,591
>> TELL ME, MEL.
389
00:08:33,586 --> 00:08:35,206
>> VERY IMPORTANT PROTECTION.
390
00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:36,276
NO, NO, NO, I'M TELLING YOU, THE
391
00:08:36,275 --> 00:08:37,165
BACK OF THE CHURCH IS NO
392
00:08:37,172 --> 00:08:38,072
DIFFERENT THAN THE BACK OF A
393
00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:38,788
PLANE.
394
00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:40,623
YOU FIGHT FOR ARM RESTS, LITTLE
395
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,450
TIMMY WON'T STOP QUIT KICKING
396
00:08:41,448 --> 00:08:42,518
YOUR CHAIR, AND THE BATHROOM
397
00:08:42,517 --> 00:08:43,717
SMELL MIGHT AS WELL BE IN YOUR
398
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:46,004
MOUTH.
399
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,410
>> OKAY.
400
00:08:47,413 --> 00:08:50,693
WELL, IT'S YOUR CHOICE.
401
00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:51,719
>> DON'T YOU HAVE A GAME NEXT
402
00:08:51,724 --> 00:08:53,144
SUNDAY?
403
00:08:53,137 --> 00:08:54,617
SUNDAY?
>> MONDAY NIGHT.
404
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,480
>> MONDAY NIGHT.
405
00:08:56,482 --> 00:08:57,622
>> LOOK, I JUST WANT TO THANK
406
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:58,660
YOU GUYS AGAIN FOR STICKING WITH
407
00:08:58,655 --> 00:08:59,755
ME DURING MY EXTENDED HIATUS.
408
00:08:59,758 --> 00:09:01,238
IT IS SO GOOD TO BE BACK HERE
409
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,521
ON...
410
00:09:02,517 --> 00:09:03,657
>> "THE PITT STOP."
411
00:09:03,655 --> 00:09:04,925
>> BEFORE I GO, I JUST WANT TO
412
00:09:04,931 --> 00:09:06,281
SEND A SPECIAL MESSAGE TO A VERY
413
00:09:06,275 --> 00:09:07,655
SPECIAL WOMAN IN MY LIFE.
414
00:09:07,655 --> 00:09:08,855
YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE,
415
00:09:08,862 --> 00:09:10,032
BUT IF YOU'RE UNSURE, LET ME
416
00:09:10,034 --> 00:09:11,244
JUST SAY, WHEN I DRINK WHITE
417
00:09:11,241 --> 00:09:14,521
WINE, I THINK OF YOU.
418
00:09:14,517 --> 00:09:15,547
I ONLY HAVE ONE REQUEST --
419
00:09:15,551 --> 00:09:18,761
PLEASE, CAN WE JUST START AGAIN
420
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:21,788
FROM THE BEGINNING?
421
00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:22,933
HUH?
422
00:09:22,931 --> 00:09:24,311
HMM?
423
00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:25,690
>> LOOK, JASON, ASSUMING THAT
424
00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:26,999
I'M THE VERY SPECIAL LADY IN
425
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,310
THAT SCENARIO, BECAUSE YOU
426
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:29,590
DIDN'T ACTUALLY SAY MY NAME --
427
00:09:29,586 --> 00:09:30,586
>> I DID THE WHOLE WHITE-WINE
428
00:09:30,586 --> 00:09:31,276
THING.
429
00:09:31,275 --> 00:09:32,305
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
430
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:33,480
>> I CARE ABOUT YOU, JASON.
431
00:09:33,482 --> 00:09:34,792
I JUST THINK THAT WE'RE IN TWO
432
00:09:34,793 --> 00:09:36,033
DIFFERENT PLACES IN OUR LIVES.
433
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,724
I MEAN, IF I WAS 22, I'D HAVE NO
434
00:09:37,724 --> 00:09:39,284
PROBLEM WINGING IT WITH YOU AND
435
00:09:39,275 --> 00:09:40,375
SEEING WHERE THIS GOES.
436
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:42,139
BUT I'M 32.
437
00:09:42,137 --> 00:09:43,967
>> YOU'RE 32?
438
00:09:43,965 --> 00:09:44,785
DAMN!
439
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:45,793
MELANIN IS JUST NATURE'S LITTLE
440
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,173
ANTI-AGING MIRACLE, ISN'T IT?
441
00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:48,172
>> [ SCOFFS ]
442
00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:50,002
LOOK, I WANT IT ALL, DESERVE IT
443
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,790
ALL, AND I DON'T THINK YOU CAN
444
00:09:51,793 --> 00:09:52,973
GIVE THAT TO ME.
445
00:09:52,965 --> 00:09:54,165
MARRIAGE, KIDS...
446
00:09:54,172 --> 00:09:55,212
I MEAN, DO YOU EVEN WANT KIDS?
447
00:09:55,206 --> 00:09:56,276
'CAUSE I HEAR HOW YOU TALK ABOUT
448
00:09:56,275 --> 00:09:57,685
THE ONE YOU HAVE NOW.
449
00:09:57,689 --> 00:09:59,379
AND ARE YOU PREPARED TO LIVE
450
00:09:59,379 --> 00:10:01,169
WITH SOMEBODY OR SHARE SPACE,
451
00:10:01,172 --> 00:10:02,312
DIVVY UP THE CABLE BILL?
452
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,100
'CAUSE I NEED STARZ IN MY LIFE.
453
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,383
>> WOW.
454
00:10:05,379 --> 00:10:07,209
ALL RIGHT.
455
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:08,136
FINE, YEAH. FINE.
456
00:10:08,137 --> 00:10:09,207
>> UGH! DON'T ACT LIKE THAT.
457
00:10:09,206 --> 00:10:10,446
>> I'M NOT ACTING LIKE ANYTHING.
458
00:10:10,448 --> 00:10:11,518
WHAT?
459
00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:12,587
YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY BLACK
460
00:10:12,586 --> 00:10:13,656
WOMAN IN SAN DIEGO?
461
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:14,965
PLEASE, THERE ARE OTHER CATFISH
462
00:10:14,965 --> 00:10:16,615
IN THE SEA.
463
00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:18,310
WANT SOME JUNIOR MINTS, JUNISA?
464
00:10:18,310 --> 00:10:20,450
>> JENNIFER.
465
00:10:20,448 --> 00:10:22,718
>> REALLY?
466
00:10:22,724 --> 00:10:24,834
IS IT SPELLED WITH A "G" OR LIKE
467
00:10:24,827 --> 00:10:25,897
AN "A-H" AT THE END?
468
00:10:25,896 --> 00:10:26,856
LIKE "JENNIFAH"?
469
00:10:26,862 --> 00:10:28,722
>> JUST THE USUAL SPELLING.
470
00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:30,624
>> HUH.
471
00:10:30,620 --> 00:10:32,280
WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT BIG ON
472
00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:33,685
CANDY, IT'S ALL GOOD.
473
00:10:33,689 --> 00:10:35,209
I ALSO SNUCK IN SOME SUNFLOWER
474
00:10:35,206 --> 00:10:36,476
SEEDS AND SOME BABY-BACK RIBS.
475
00:10:36,482 --> 00:10:37,862
>> IF ANYONE SEES THAT, THEY'RE
476
00:10:37,862 --> 00:10:38,902
GONNA THROW US OUT OF HERE.
477
00:10:38,896 --> 00:10:39,966
>> YEAH.
478
00:10:39,965 --> 00:10:41,065
THEY'D BE DOING US BLACK FOLK
479
00:10:41,068 --> 00:10:42,208
WRONG, HUH?
480
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:43,756
>> NO, IT'S JUST AGAINST RULES,
481
00:10:43,758 --> 00:10:44,898
AND PLEASE STOP SAYING
482
00:10:44,896 --> 00:10:46,716
"BE DOING."
483
00:10:46,724 --> 00:10:49,724
>> WHATEVER YOU BE WANTING.
484
00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:52,554
OH, NOW, SEE?
485
00:10:52,551 --> 00:10:53,791
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE ABOUT TO GO
486
00:10:53,793 --> 00:10:54,793
IN THAT DARK-ASS ALLEY BY
487
00:10:54,793 --> 00:10:56,553
HERSELF, CAN YOU?
488
00:10:56,551 --> 00:10:57,591
HUH?
489
00:10:57,586 --> 00:10:58,716
I BET YOU WANT TO JUST SCREAM AT
490
00:10:58,724 --> 00:10:59,974
HER, HUH?
491
00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:00,755
YOU BETTER LET HER KNOW.
492
00:11:00,758 --> 00:11:01,718
YOU BETTER TELL HER BEFORE IT'S
493
00:11:01,724 --> 00:11:02,414
TOO LATE, GO ON.
494
00:11:02,413 --> 00:11:03,213
>> JASON, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
495
00:11:03,206 --> 00:11:03,926
BE QUIET.
496
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:04,761
>> OH, SORRY, YEAH.
497
00:11:04,758 --> 00:11:05,548
SO YOU CAN TELL HER.
498
00:11:05,551 --> 00:11:06,341
MY BAD.
499
00:11:06,344 --> 00:11:07,524
>> NO, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE
500
00:11:07,517 --> 00:11:09,757
LOOKING AT US.
501
00:11:09,758 --> 00:11:10,968
>> YEAH, BUT WE DON'T CARE
502
00:11:10,965 --> 00:11:13,585
BECAUSE THIS IS OUR THING, OKAY?
503
00:11:13,586 --> 00:11:14,546
SO, COME ON, SERIOUSLY.
504
00:11:14,551 --> 00:11:15,761
ON THE COUNT OF THREE -- ONE,
505
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:16,998
TWO, THREE,
506
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,000
GIRL, DON'T YOU GO UP IN THERE!
507
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,830
[ LAUGHING ]
508
00:11:20,827 --> 00:11:21,687
WHERE WERE YOU AT?
509
00:11:21,689 --> 00:11:22,379
YOU DIDN'T --
510
00:11:22,379 --> 00:11:23,519
WHERE YOU GO--
511
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:24,997
GIRL, YOU TRIPPING!
512
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,660
WHAT?
513
00:11:26,655 --> 00:11:28,825
WHAT?
IT'S OKAY. I'M BLACK.
514
00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:34,857
IT'S OKAY. I'M BLACK.
515
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:35,902
>> OH.
516
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:36,996
>> AW.
517
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,030
LOOK AT YOU.
518
00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:38,974
>> WHAT?
519
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:39,755
>> BLACK BEAUTY.
520
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:40,478
IS THAT HENNESSY?
521
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:41,312
>> HELL, YEAH, IT'S HENNESSY.
522
00:11:41,310 --> 00:11:42,480
>> WHY DIDN'T I COME HERE IN THE
523
00:11:42,482 --> 00:11:43,342
FIRST PLACE?
524
00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:45,104
>> WAIT. DON'T BE BARGING IN ON
525
00:11:45,103 --> 00:11:46,143
MY ME TIME, OKAY?
526
00:11:46,137 --> 00:11:47,337
>> I NEED YOUR HELP.
527
00:11:47,344 --> 00:11:48,344
I NEED YOUR HELP.
528
00:11:48,344 --> 00:11:49,244
>> [ SCOFFS ]
529
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:51,621
>> I NEED TO UNDERSTAND...
530
00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:52,790
THE BLACK WOMAN.
531
00:11:52,793 --> 00:11:54,453
>> HA! REALLY?
532
00:11:54,448 --> 00:11:55,758
>> I BEEN OUT WITH THREE OF THEM
533
00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,098
THIS WEEK AND I DIDN'T CLICK
534
00:11:57,103 --> 00:11:58,143
WITH ANY OF THEM.
535
00:11:58,137 --> 00:11:58,857
>> OKAY.
536
00:11:58,862 --> 00:11:59,902
WELL, MAYBE NOT ALL GIRLS WANT
537
00:11:59,896 --> 00:12:00,786
TO CLICK YOU.
538
00:12:00,793 --> 00:12:01,663
>> NO, IT'S NOT --
539
00:12:01,655 --> 00:12:02,685
I'M HAVING A PROBLEM WITH ONE.
540
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:03,899
IT'S THIS CHICK, CHARDONNAY.
541
00:12:03,896 --> 00:12:04,996
>> CHARDONNAY?
542
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:05,970
>> YEAH.
543
00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:07,235
>> CHARDONNAY?
544
00:12:07,241 --> 00:12:08,931
MALIK ALMOST MARRIED HER!
545
00:12:08,931 --> 00:12:10,001
DAMN.
546
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,000
GIRL MUST GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL.
547
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:11,860
>> NO, THAT'S THE STRIPPER
548
00:12:11,862 --> 00:12:12,552
CHARDONNAY.
549
00:12:12,551 --> 00:12:13,241
MINE'S A BARTENDER.
550
00:12:13,241 --> 00:12:13,971
>> MM.
551
00:12:13,965 --> 00:12:14,825
YOU SAYING IT LIKE THAT'S
552
00:12:14,827 --> 00:12:15,897
BETTER OR SOMETHING.
553
00:12:15,896 --> 00:12:17,026
>> LOOK, I'M TRYING TO FIGURE
554
00:12:17,034 --> 00:12:18,594
OUT WHY THIS WOMAN WOULD PASS UP
555
00:12:18,586 --> 00:12:19,966
THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE WITH ME.
556
00:12:19,965 --> 00:12:21,165
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I'M KIND OF
557
00:12:21,172 --> 00:12:22,242
JASON PITTS.
558
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,861
>> SO THAT'S WHAT THE ISSUE IS,
559
00:12:23,862 --> 00:12:25,102
HUH?
560
00:12:25,103 --> 00:12:26,383
YOU AIN'T USED TO ANYBODY
561
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,549
TELLING YOU NO, HUH?
562
00:12:27,551 --> 00:12:29,141
ESPECIALLY NO FEMALE.
563
00:12:29,137 --> 00:12:30,337
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
564
00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:31,384
LEMONHEAD, ALL RIGHT?
565
00:12:31,379 --> 00:12:32,409
YOU BETTER GET USED TO PEOPLE
566
00:12:32,413 --> 00:12:33,413
TELLING YOU NO NOW, ESPECIALLY
567
00:12:33,413 --> 00:12:34,413
SINCE YOU A WASHED-UP
568
00:12:34,413 --> 00:12:35,283
EX-ATHLETE.
569
00:12:35,275 --> 00:12:35,965
>> OKAY.
570
00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:37,305
GLAD I STOPPED BY FOR THE PEP
571
00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:38,000
TALK.
572
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,900
>> UNH-UNH, NO! HELL, NO!
573
00:12:39,896 --> 00:12:42,966
NO, I AIN'T FINISHED, OKAY?
574
00:12:42,965 --> 00:12:43,995
I AIN'T GONNA HAVE YOU WALKING
575
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,030
AROUND TOWN THINKING THERE'S A
576
00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:46,174
PROBLEM WITH BLACK WOMEN WITHOUT
577
00:12:46,172 --> 00:12:47,522
KNOWING OUR PLIGHT.
578
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:48,827
>> YES.
579
00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:49,827
THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
580
00:12:49,827 --> 00:12:50,517
OKAY, SIT DOWN.
581
00:12:50,517 --> 00:12:53,277
PLIGHT ME. LET'S GO.
582
00:12:53,275 --> 00:12:56,895
>> LOOK...
583
00:12:56,896 --> 00:13:00,166
THE BLACK WOMAN IS SO DESPERATE
584
00:13:00,172 --> 00:13:01,592
TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A
585
00:13:01,586 --> 00:13:03,896
GOOD BLACK MAN THAT WE'LL WAIT
586
00:13:03,896 --> 00:13:04,756
AROUND FOR THEM.
587
00:13:04,758 --> 00:13:05,548
>> PREACH ON.
588
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:06,621
>> ALL RIGHT.
589
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:07,480
WE'LL PRAY FOR THEM.
590
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:08,172
>> MM-HMM.
591
00:13:08,172 --> 00:13:09,722
>> AND THEN WHEN WE FINALLY SNAG
592
00:13:09,724 --> 00:13:11,384
ONE, WE'LL JUST GO AHEAD AND LET
593
00:13:11,379 --> 00:13:13,209
THAT NEGRO JUST ACT A FOOL.
594
00:13:13,206 --> 00:13:14,786
>> OKAY.
595
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:16,033
SO THAT'S WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS SO
596
00:13:16,034 --> 00:13:16,934
ANGRY.
597
00:13:16,931 --> 00:13:17,861
>> NOBODY ANGRY!
598
00:13:17,862 --> 00:13:19,072
>> NO, I MEAN, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
599
00:13:19,068 --> 00:13:19,998
SUCH A --
600
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,340
>> WHAT? SAY IT.
601
00:13:21,344 --> 00:13:22,344
>> THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SUCH A
602
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:25,664
BI...TTERSWEET CHOCOLATE MORSEL.
603
00:13:25,655 --> 00:13:27,545
OKAY. I UNDERSTAND THE PLIGHT.
604
00:13:27,551 --> 00:13:28,861
>> [ SCOFFS ]
605
00:13:28,862 --> 00:13:30,412
>> HOW DO I GET MY BLACK WOMAN
606
00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:32,663
TO WANT TO BE WITH ME?
607
00:13:32,655 --> 00:13:34,715
>> JUST ACCEPT HER ON HER TERMS.
608
00:13:34,724 --> 00:13:36,174
AND BE HONEST.
609
00:13:36,172 --> 00:13:37,662
>> THAT'S IT?
610
00:13:37,655 --> 00:13:38,925
>> YEAH.
611
00:13:38,931 --> 00:13:39,831
OH! AND...
612
00:13:39,827 --> 00:13:42,307
[ SNAPS FINGERS ]
613
00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:45,170
AND READ THIS BOOK.
614
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,342
>> STEVE HARVEY'S BOOK?
615
00:13:46,344 --> 00:13:47,664
>> HELL, YEAH.
616
00:13:47,655 --> 00:13:48,655
>> THIS IS WHERE YOU'RE GETTING
617
00:13:48,655 --> 00:13:49,335
YOUR INFORMATION?
618
00:13:49,344 --> 00:13:50,034
>> SOME OF IT.
619
00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:50,934
I BET YOU THAT BARTENDER IS,
620
00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:51,621
TOO.
621
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:52,520
I'M TELLING YOU, DON'T SLEEP.
622
00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:53,207
OKAY?
623
00:13:53,206 --> 00:13:55,406
HE AIN'T JUST AN ACTOR/DISC
624
00:13:55,413 --> 00:13:58,213
JOCKEY/CONNOISSEUR OF FINE
625
00:13:58,206 --> 00:14:02,236
SUITS/COMEDIAN/GAME-SHOW HOST.
626
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:04,071
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
627
00:14:04,068 --> 00:14:05,928
HE'S A PROPHET.
628
00:14:05,931 --> 00:14:07,001
NOW, YOU GO AND TELL THAT ON
629
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,170
THE MOUNTAIN, HEAR?
630
00:14:09,172 --> 00:14:11,172
>> EXCUSE ME. SORRY.
631
00:14:11,172 --> 00:14:13,142
>> EXCUSE ME. SORRY.
>> EXCUSE ME, BRO.
632
00:14:13,137 --> 00:14:18,447
>> EXCUSE ME, BRO.
633
00:14:18,448 --> 00:14:19,658
>> OH, MAN!
634
00:14:19,655 --> 00:14:20,655
DERWIN DAVIS?
635
00:14:20,655 --> 00:14:21,965
>> YEAH, WHAT'S UP, MAN?
636
00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:22,655
YOU GOOD?
637
00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:23,655
>> I'M SHOCKED!
638
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,405
LIKE, ARE YOU LOST OR SOMETHING?
639
00:14:26,413 --> 00:14:30,103
>> NO.
640
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,073
>> HEY, HEY, HEY!
641
00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:32,408
HEY, CAN I BOTHER YOU FOR AN
642
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,413
AUTOGRAPH?
643
00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:35,453
>> YOU WANT ME TO SIGN THE
644
00:14:35,448 --> 00:14:36,138
BIBLE?
645
00:14:36,137 --> 00:14:40,027
>> YEAH.
646
00:14:40,034 --> 00:14:41,934
>> YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT, BRO?
647
00:14:41,931 --> 00:14:43,211
I-I'M GONNA HOLD OFF.
648
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:44,616
>> OH.
649
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:47,240
OKAY.
650
00:14:47,241 --> 00:14:49,001
>> THERE'S A STORY HERE MOST
651
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,000
RECENTLY THAT WAS ANIMATED.
652
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,380
THE "WINNIE THE POOH" SERIES IS
653
00:14:52,379 --> 00:14:53,619
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, AND
654
00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:54,970
EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT LITTLE OLD
655
00:14:54,965 --> 00:14:55,785
PIGLET.
656
00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:57,073
>> BOO, WHAT PAGE WE ON?
657
00:14:57,068 --> 00:14:57,998
>> I DON'T KNOW.
658
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,690
I CAN'T HEAR FROM BACK HERE.
659
00:15:00,689 --> 00:15:02,239
>> HEY, MY MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT
660
00:15:02,241 --> 00:15:03,411
PAGE WE'RE ON?
661
00:15:03,413 --> 00:15:05,033
>> NAH. I AIN'T EVEN LISTENING
662
00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:06,764
TO THE DUDE.
663
00:15:06,758 --> 00:15:08,068
I GOT SO MUCH ON MY MIND, YOU
664
00:15:08,068 --> 00:15:09,238
KNOW?
665
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,171
[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]
666
00:15:11,172 --> 00:15:13,102
AS A MATTER OF FACT...
667
00:15:13,103 --> 00:15:14,343
YOU THINK YOU COULD LET ME HOLD
668
00:15:14,344 --> 00:15:18,214
A LITTLE SOMETHING?
669
00:15:18,206 --> 00:15:20,136
>> UH, W-WHAT YOU WANT?
670
00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:20,967
WHAT'S UP?
671
00:15:20,965 --> 00:15:22,685
>> YEAH, MAN, MY CELLY DOWN, AND
672
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,309
IT'S GONNA TAKE ABOUT A C-NOTE
673
00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:28,450
TO BRING IT BACK TO LIFE.
674
00:15:28,448 --> 00:15:29,588
>> EVERYTHING OKAY BACK HERE IN
675
00:15:29,586 --> 00:15:32,826
COACH, DERWIN?
676
00:15:32,827 --> 00:15:34,447
>> YEAH, UH, I-I'M SORRY.
677
00:15:34,448 --> 00:15:35,658
I DON'T HAVE IT.
678
00:15:35,655 --> 00:15:37,545
>> OH, COME ON, MAN.
679
00:15:37,551 --> 00:15:39,551
I KNOW YOUGOT IT.
680
00:15:39,551 --> 00:15:40,791
SEEING YOUR WIFE SITTING THERE
681
00:15:40,793 --> 00:15:42,693
WITH THAT $30,000 PURSE.
682
00:15:42,689 --> 00:15:43,619
>> HEY, HEY, OKAY?
683
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:44,620
DON'T BE WORRYING ABOUT WHAT MY
684
00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:45,410
WIFE GOT, BRO.
685
00:15:45,413 --> 00:15:49,413
>> OH, PRAISE THE LORD, SAINT.
686
00:15:49,413 --> 00:15:50,933
>> NOW LET'S HEAR SOME PRAISE
687
00:15:50,931 --> 00:15:53,241
REPORTS.
688
00:15:53,241 --> 00:15:56,481
YES, MA'AM?
689
00:15:56,482 --> 00:15:58,452
>> HELLO, EVERYONE.
690
00:15:58,448 --> 00:16:02,478
MY NAME IS CELESTE...
691
00:16:02,482 --> 00:16:04,072
AND RECENTLY, I'VE FALLEN ON
692
00:16:04,068 --> 00:16:07,138
SOME HARD TIMES.
693
00:16:07,137 --> 00:16:08,717
MY DAUGHTER TOOK SICK A FEW
694
00:16:08,724 --> 00:16:10,484
MONTHS BACK AND, TRYING TO TAKE
695
00:16:10,482 --> 00:16:12,242
CARE OF HER, I WOUND UP LOSING
696
00:16:12,241 --> 00:16:13,761
MY JOB.
697
00:16:13,758 --> 00:16:16,968
NOW MEDICAL BILLS MOUNTING UP.
698
00:16:16,965 --> 00:16:19,405
NOW, I ALREADY SOLD MY CAR AND
699
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:24,663
MY JEWELRY, AND I WOULD JUST...
700
00:16:24,655 --> 00:16:26,275
IF YOU COULD FIND IT IN YOUR
701
00:16:26,275 --> 00:16:28,205
HEART TO SAY A PRAYER FOR ME AND
702
00:16:28,206 --> 00:16:30,096
MY FAMILY, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE
703
00:16:30,103 --> 00:16:32,143
IT.
704
00:16:32,137 --> 00:16:33,617
THANK YOU.
705
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:37,790
AND GOD BLESS.
706
00:16:37,793 --> 00:16:42,173
OH, I'M SO SORRY!
707
00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:43,762
I SAT ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL PURSE.
708
00:16:43,758 --> 00:16:44,758
>> OH, NO, NO, NO.
709
00:16:44,758 --> 00:16:46,448
>> OH, NO, NO, NO.
NO, DON'T BE.
710
00:16:46,448 --> 00:16:51,548
NO, DON'T BE.
711
00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:53,761
>> HEY.
712
00:16:53,758 --> 00:16:57,138
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE DEAL.
713
00:16:57,137 --> 00:16:58,787
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
714
00:16:58,793 --> 00:17:00,693
I REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.
715
00:17:00,689 --> 00:17:01,719
>> IS THAT WHY YOU WENT OUT WITH
716
00:17:01,724 --> 00:17:02,694
THREE OF MY FRIENDS THIS WEEK?
717
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:03,519
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
718
00:17:03,517 --> 00:17:04,547
ONE, YOU KNOW I DON'T KNOW ANY
719
00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:05,240
OTHER BLACK WOMEN.
720
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,211
TWO, I ONLY DID IT 'CAUSE YOU
721
00:17:06,205 --> 00:17:06,995
SHUT ME DOWN.
722
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:07,900
I WAS TRYING TO REPLACE YOU.
723
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:08,996
>> WELL, HOW'D THAT WORK OUT?
724
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,030
>> NOT SO HOT-SO.
725
00:17:10,034 --> 00:17:11,104
>> HMM.
726
00:17:11,103 --> 00:17:12,173
>> BY THE WAY, YOUR FRIEND
727
00:17:12,172 --> 00:17:13,902
JASMINE -- WEIRD-O.
728
00:17:13,896 --> 00:17:14,716
NO, I'M SERIOUS.
729
00:17:14,723 --> 00:17:15,723
THEY NEED TO GO AHEAD AND LOCK
730
00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:16,863
HER ASS UP.
731
00:17:16,862 --> 00:17:17,832
BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
732
00:17:17,827 --> 00:17:18,757
IT'S NOT WHY I'M HERE.
733
00:17:18,758 --> 00:17:19,788
I'M HERE TO TELL YOU...
734
00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:21,172
I'M NOT GONNA BE A MAN DRIVEN BY
735
00:17:21,172 --> 00:17:22,282
HIS EGO ANYMORE.
736
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:23,445
>> OH, MY GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT?
737
00:17:23,448 --> 00:17:24,478
I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND CALL BULL
738
00:17:24,482 --> 00:17:25,622
ON THAT ONE, SEEING AS THOUGH
739
00:17:25,619 --> 00:17:26,409
YOU CAN'T GO A WHOLE
740
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:27,413
CONVERSATION WITHOUT TELLING
741
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:28,593
SOMEBODY YOU BROUGHT THIS CITY A
742
00:17:28,586 --> 00:17:30,336
CHAMPIONSHIP.
743
00:17:30,344 --> 00:17:32,314
>> YOU -- YOU ARE ALWAYS LOCKED
744
00:17:32,310 --> 00:17:34,340
AND LOADED, AREN'T YOU?
745
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:35,864
LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING THAT I'M
746
00:17:35,862 --> 00:17:37,342
GONNA PRETEND LIKE I DON'T HAVE
747
00:17:37,344 --> 00:17:38,144
AN EGO, OKAY?
748
00:17:38,137 --> 00:17:39,307
YOU'D HAVE ONE, TOO, IF YOU
749
00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:42,690
BROUGHT THE CITY A CH-- AAH!
750
00:17:42,689 --> 00:17:44,239
I KNOW THAT I'M NOT IN THE SAME
751
00:17:44,241 --> 00:17:45,971
PLACE IN LIFE AS YOU, BUT I WANT
752
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,065
TO TRY AND GET THERE.
753
00:17:47,068 --> 00:17:47,928
OKAY?
754
00:17:47,931 --> 00:17:49,001
NOT FINANCIALLY, YOU BUT KNOW
755
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:49,900
WHAT I MEAN.
756
00:17:49,896 --> 00:17:51,656
SO LET'S TAKE THE FOUR WEEKS WE
757
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:53,235
HAVE UNTIL THE ANNULMENT AND,
758
00:17:53,241 --> 00:17:54,931
YOU KNOW, TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING,
759
00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:55,971
SOMETHING REAL.
760
00:17:55,965 --> 00:17:57,305
>> JASON, I'M SORRY.
761
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,970
IT'S JUST THAT MY BULL RADAR IS
762
00:17:58,965 --> 00:18:00,275
JUST OFF THE CHARTS RIGHT NOW.
763
00:18:00,275 --> 00:18:01,165
>> WHY? NO!
764
00:18:01,172 --> 00:18:02,482
>> MA'AM, DID YOU NEED ANYTHING
765
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,242
ELSE?
766
00:18:03,241 --> 00:18:04,211
>> PLIGHT!
767
00:18:04,206 --> 00:18:05,476
I KNOW ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF
768
00:18:05,482 --> 00:18:06,212
THE...
769
00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:07,616
OF THE BLACK WOMAN.
770
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:08,620
HUH?
771
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:09,310
YES!
772
00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:10,550
I KNOW HOW YOU'RE SO DESPERATE
773
00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:12,101
TO GET A GOOD BLACK MAN AND YOU
774
00:18:12,103 --> 00:18:13,623
WAIT AND WAIT AND YOU FINALLY
775
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:15,070
GET A GOOD BLACK MAN BUT THEN
776
00:18:15,068 --> 00:18:16,518
HE'S A FOOLISH NEGRO AND YOU
777
00:18:16,517 --> 00:18:17,477
PRAY -- NO.
778
00:18:17,482 --> 00:18:18,482
>> OH.
779
00:18:18,482 --> 00:18:19,522
>> I'M MESSING IT UP.
780
00:18:19,517 --> 00:18:21,447
STEVE HARVEY...
781
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:22,408
IS A PROPHET.
782
00:18:22,413 --> 00:18:23,903
>> OH, MY RADAR JUST EXPLODED.
783
00:18:23,896 --> 00:18:25,166
JUST EXPLODED.
784
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:27,002
>> OKAY, JUST HOLD ON, LISTEN.
785
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:27,930
OKAY, I'M NOT GONNA USE SOMEONE
786
00:18:27,931 --> 00:18:28,901
ELSE'S WORDS TO TRY TO GET WHAT
787
00:18:28,896 --> 00:18:30,716
I WANT.
788
00:18:30,724 --> 00:18:34,104
AND WHAT I WANT IS YOU.
789
00:18:34,103 --> 00:18:35,663
AND I COULD STAND HERE AND TELL
790
00:18:35,655 --> 00:18:36,995
YOU EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT TO
791
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,410
HEAR, BUT THE REALITY IS YOU
792
00:18:38,413 --> 00:18:41,793
HAVE TO LET ME SHOW YOU INSTEAD.
793
00:18:41,793 --> 00:18:42,623
ALL RIGHT?
794
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:44,210
SO I'M ASKING YOU, PLEASE,
795
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:48,206
CHARDONNAY PITTS JUST...
796
00:18:48,206 --> 00:18:49,716
TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH WITH ME
797
00:18:49,724 --> 00:18:54,724
AND -- AND GIVE US A SHOT.
798
00:18:54,724 --> 00:18:57,034
>> OKAY.
799
00:18:57,034 --> 00:18:59,004
OKAY, I AM TURNING OFF MY RADAR.
800
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,070
>> ALL RIGHT.
801
00:19:00,068 --> 00:19:01,308
>> I'LL GIVE IT FOUR WEEKS.
802
00:19:01,310 --> 00:19:02,520
>> I ONLY NEED THREE.
803
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:03,547
>> OKAY.
804
00:19:03,551 --> 00:19:04,551
>> NO, NO, FOUR'S GOOD, THOUGH.
805
00:19:04,551 --> 00:19:05,721
>> NO, NO, FOUR'S GOOD, THOUGH.
WE'VE GOT THE FOUR, SO LET'S...
806
00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:10,321
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
49292
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.