Original subtitles

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

>> POPCORN?

>> NO, I BROUGHT MY OWN FOOD.

>> WHAT?

WHAT YOU GOT?

>> M&M's, JUJUBES, AND

CHICKEN WINGS.

>> WOW.

CHARDONNAY, REALLY?

>> WHAT?

THAT IS GONNA GO SO WELL WITH

MY JUNIOR MINTS, SWEDISH FISH,

AND POTATO SKINS.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

YOU DON'T HAVE SOUR CREAM,

DO YOU?

>> [ SCOFFS ] DO I!

[ GUNSHOT ]

HERE YOU GO.

>> UGH!

>> OH, PLEASE.

LIKE YOU NEVER KEPT SOUR CREAM

IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.

>> OH, MY GOD.

I CAN'T STAND WHEN THEY OPEN A

MOVIE WITH A FOOTRACE.

DOWN THE ALLEY! DOWN THE ALLEY!

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

HOP THOSE BUSHES, GIRL!

THE COPS IS ON YOUR BUTT!

>> Shh!

>> "Shh" YOURSELF.

WE PAID FOR THESE TICKETS.

>> YEAH!

STUDENT DISCOUNT, SUCKER!

>> UNH-UNH!

UGH.

>> RUN IN THE HOUSE!

RUN! COME ON!

OF COURSE THE DOOR IS LOCKED.

USE THE DOGGIE DOOR.

>> LOOK, NOW HE'S STUCK IN THE

DOGGIE DOOR.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> UGH!

[ GUNSHOT ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> SHOT IN THE ASS.

>> OH, NEVER USE THE DOGGIE

DOOR.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> I LIKE YOU.

NO, I MEAN, I LIKE HANGING OUT

WITH YOU, CHARDONNAY.

>> HMM.

>> EVEN GOT USED TO SAYING YOUR

RIDICULOUS NAME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M THINKING, AFTER THE

ANNULMENT, WE SHOULD, YOU KNOW,

KEEP SEEING EACH OTHER.

>> I DON'T THINK SO.

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

>> I MEAN, JASON, IT'S BEEN FUN,

BUT WE BOTH AGREED THAT, AFTER

THE ANNULMENT WAS FINAL, WE'D GO

OUR SEPARATE WAYS.

YOUR GHETTO FANTASY IS ALMOST

OVER, SO YOU BEST BE GETTING IT

IN BEFORE THE CLOCK STRIKES

IN BEFORE THE CLOCK STRIKES MIDNIGHT.

MIDNIGHT.

>> YO! PITTSY!

JASON!

>> JASON, I'M HERE.

WOW.

>> YO, DAWG.

>> WHAT'S UP, PIGLETS?

>> WHAT'S UP, MAN?

WHERE'S EVERYBODY AT?

>> YEAH, YOU TOLD ME TO COME

DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW.

>> OH, YEAH, NO.

THAT WAS A LIE.

>> OH, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON

HERE.

YOU CONCOCTED THIS WHOLE THING

TO GET ME AND HIM DOWN HERE SO

WE CAN SQUASH OUR BEEF, RIGHT?

>> WHAT, YOU GUYS ARE BEEFING?

>> YOU KNOW I CAN'T STAND THIS

FOOL.

SHOOT. TRYING TO REPLACE ME WITH

KWAN'S PUNK ASS.

>> MAN, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT?

YOU SLEPT WITH THE OWNER'S WIFE!

>> THAT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS!

>> GUYS, GUYS, THIS IS YOUR

ISSUE!

I DON'T CARE.

I STAGED THIS WHOLE THING TO

SAVE GAS.

I GOT 20 MINUTES FOR LUNCH.

HERE'S MY PROBLEM.

SO, I GOT MARRIED, RIGHT?

>> I'M OUT.

>> YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME, DAWG.

>> TO A BLACK WOMAN.

>> DID YOU JUST SAY BLACK?

>> YEP.

>> LIKE, BLACK BLACK?

>> BLACK BLACK.

>> YO, LIKE CAMILLE BLACK.

>> MORE BLACK.

>> LIKE MY WIFE BLACK?

>> REAL BLACK.

>> LIKE MY MAMA BLACK?

>> THAT'S THE BLACK.

>> Both: OH!

>> I GOT TO HEAR THIS.

>> OKAY. OKAY.

SO, I MET THIS WOMAN, WE GOT

DRUNK -- LIKE, REALLY, REALLY,

REALLY, SUPER-DUPER DRUNK --

ENDED UP IN TIJUANA.

Y'ALL KNOW THE REST OF THAT

MOVIE.

>> ALMOST BEEN THERE.

>> ALL RIGHT, SO WE'RE GETTING

THE MARRIAGE ANNULLED.

THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, I KIND

OF -- I LIKE CHARDONNAY.

>> YO! I ALMOST MARRIED

CHARDONNAY.

>> NO, IT'S PROBABLY A DIFFERENT

CHARDONNAY.

>> NO, DUDE!

REDBONE, TALL, GOT AN

UPSIDE-DOWN BOTTLE OF WINE

TATTED ON HER BOOTY?

>> NO, THAT'S THE STRIPPER

CHARDONNAY.

>> STRIPPER.

>> NO, SHE'S --

NO, MY CHARDONNAY IS LIKE --

SHE'S ABOUT YEA HIGH, KIND OF

DARK SKIN, SHE'S A BARTENDER.

>> BARTENDER?

>> I KNOW.

THIS WOMAN, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL,

SHE'S WITTY, SHE'S SPUNKY, AND

SHE'S SHOWING ME THINGS, MAN.

LIKE, YOU GUYS KNOW ADDING BACON

TO ANYTHING MAKES IT DELICIOUS?

AND A DAB OF VASELINE RIGHT HERE

ON YOUR ELBOWS MAKES THEM SILKY

AS I DON'T KNOW WHAT?

AND IF YOU'RE OUT AND ABOUT AND

YOU WALK PAST A BLACK PERSON, IF

YOU GIVE THEM ONE OF THESE...

THEY GIVE YOU ONE BACK!

IT'S LIKE WE'RE IN A SECRET

CLUB.

>> OKAY, SO, J.J., WHAT'S THE

PROBLEM?

>> EXACTLY!

SO I TELL HER I WANT TO KEEP

SEEING HER AFTER THE ANNULMENT.

SHE TELLS ME NO.

>> I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST PULL UP ON

THE ANNULMENT.

THAT'S PROBABLY WHY SHE'S

BUGGING.

>> NO, NO, NO, I CAN'T PULL UP.

>> MM. FINANCES.

>> YEAH, THAT, AND WE BARELY

KNOW EACH OTHER.

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T START THE RACE

AT THE FINISH LINE.

THE ANNULMENT HAS TO HAPPEN.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, J.?

WHEN I WAS FORCED INTO BREAKING

UP WITH JENNA, DAWG, I'M TELLING

YOU, THAT WAS A HARD PILL FOR

ME TO SWALLOW.

BUT THERE'S AN OLD SAYING THAT

ACTUALLY HELPED ME GET THROUGH

IT -- "IF YOU LOVE HER, SET HER

FREE."

SHE COME BACK TO YOU?

LOVE IS BLIND, BABY.

>> YOU'RE A SPECIAL KIND OF

STUPID. DING-DONG?

>> IT SEEMS TO ME THAT MAYBE YOU

SHOULD OPEN UP AND SHOW HER A

LITTLE BIT OF YOU.

SHOW HER THERE'S MORE TO

JASON PITTS THAN JUST A BIG HEAD

AND AN EVER-EXPANDING WAISTLINE.

I NOTICED.

>> IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE YOU'RE FAT.

>> TIME HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME.

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE,

DING-DONG.

GLAD YOU BROUGHT YOUR OVARIES

WITH YOU.

THAT'S LUNCH, PEOPLE.

>> AAH!

>> I DO NOT KNOW HOW I LET YOU

TALK ME INTO DOING THAT.

>> WHAT? MAKING LOVE?

>> MELANIE, THAT IS NOT WHAT WE

DID.

>> I'M SORRY I WASN'T AS GENTLE

AS I USUALLY AM.

I'M JUST TRYING TO STAY ON TOP

OF MY OVULATION SCHEDULE.

>> SHE SAID "GENTLE"...

YEAH, NO, NO, I GOT THAT WHEN

YOU KEPT YELLING, "DO IT!

MAKE ME A BABY!

PUT A BABY IN ME!"

>> I WAS JUST CHEERING YOU ON.

>> MM-HMM.

LOOK, BABE, I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR

THIS.

WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CHURCH.

COME ON.

>> DERWIN, RELAX.

>> NO, SEE, I CAN'T RELAX.

THAT'S HOW WE GOT STARTED RIGHT

THERE -- WITH THEM SOFT LIPS.

LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT,

DURING THE SEASON, I DON'T GET

TO GO TO CHURCH THAT MUCH.

SO WHEN I DO GO, I LIKE TO BE

ON TIME.

>> AND I'M TELLING YOU, WE'RE

GOOD.

I JUST TEXTED PASTOR.

HE'S HOLDING UP THE SERVICE FOR

US.

>> HOLDING UP THE SERVICE?

PASTOR SAMUELS WOULD NEVER DO

THAT.

>> THAT'S WHY HE'S NO LONGER OUR

PASTOR.

>> YEAH, RIGHT.

YOU GOT PASTOR SAMUELS FIRED?

>> NO.

I JUST FOUND A DIFFERENT ONE.

>> YOU CHANGED CHURCHES?

>> I DIDN'T CHANGE GODS, DERWIN.

LOOK, YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED IN

A CHURCH, RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> SO I BOUGHT THE CLOTHES, I

LEARNED THE SONGS -- OH!

AND I EVEN ADDED JOHN 3:16 TO

AND I EVEN ADDED JOHN 3:16 TO ALL OF MY SIGNATURES.

ALL OF MY SIGNATURES.

>> RIGHT THIS WAY.

>> THANK YOU.

OH, MR. MAYOR.

DERWIN, MR. MAYOR.

>> THE REAL FIRST COUPLE OF

SAN DIEGO.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.

IT'S ELECTION YEAR, RIGHT?

>> WELL...

>> GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

>> WELL, YOU HAVE OUR VOTE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> THANK YOU. WE'RE COUNTING ON IT.

WE'RE COUNTING ON IT.

>> DERWIN, YOU KNOW DeRAY?

HE WAS IN THAT MOVIE YOU LOVED,

"JUMPING THE BROOM."

DO ONE OF THE LINES.

>> I'M NOT GONNA DO ONE OF

THE LINES, MEL.

>> I'LL DO IT. UM...

"HOW MONEY GONNA CHANGE ME WHEN

I AIN'T GOT NO MONEY?"

>> UM, LET'S DO A LINE IN FROM A

VERSION IN CHURCH -- "THOU SHALL

VERSION IN CHURCH -- "THOU SHALL NOT TALKETH TOO MUCH."

NOT TALKETH TOO MUCH."

>> HEY, MAMA!

LOOK WHO I FOUND.

YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ]

>> SO, THIS CHURCH HAS A V.I.P.

SECTION.

>> YEAH.

IT'S JUST LIKE HEAVEN -- NOT

EVERYBODY GETS IN.

>> MEL, A-ARE YOU HOLDING UP

SERVICE AGAIN?

BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE SOMEPLACE

TO BE.

>> DO YOU, DeRAY?

DO YOU?

DO YOU? >> [ SCOFFS ]

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> DID YOU JUST NOD TO THE

PASTOR?

>> MM-HMM.

I WINKED LAST WEEK, AND IT

DEFINITELY SENT THE WRONG

MESSAGE.

>> AMEN. WELCOME, EVERYONE.

LET'S GIVE GOD SOME PRAISE,

SHALL WE?

COME ON, NOW!

COME ON!

PRAISE DANCING.

AMEN.

>> ♪ NOTHING BUT CLOUDS IN THE

SKY ♪

>> ISN'T IT SO MUCH BETTER

SITTING UP FRONT?

I MEAN, YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE THE

EXPRESSIONS ON THE DANCERS'

FACES.

FACES. >> ♪ NOTHING BUT BLUE SKIES

>> ♪ NOTHING BUT BLUE SKIES

>> HEY.

>> HMM.

>> YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD SINCE

CHURCH.

>> YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW, MEL.

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THE

PASTOR GIVING US THE -- WHAT,

THE SAMMY SOSA KISS DURING THE

OFFERING AND THE USHER GIVING ME

A SCALP MASSAGE DURING THE

SERMON.

LIKE, REALLY?

I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS THE AUTO DETAIL WASN'T

SO HORRIBLE.

>> RIGHT?

LOOK, I KNOW IT'S GONNA TAKE

SOME TIME GETTING USED TO AT

FIRST, BUT WE WRITE BIG CHECKS

FOR THAT KIND OF TREATMENT.

>> WHOA, WHOA, MEL.

HOW BIG?

HOW BIG? >> MM.

>> MM.

>> LET ME SEE THAT.

WHAT'S THAT SAY IN YOUR MEMO

SPACE?

>> "MAKE ME PREGNANT."

WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING FOR.

>> MELANIE, GOD IS NOT A GENIE.

>> WELL, HE GRANTED MY WISH

LAST WEEK.

>> WHAT WAS YOUR WISH LAST WEEK?

>> "LOSE 5 POUNDS"?

>> YES.

SAY, "THANK YOU, GOD!"

>> WOW, MELANIE, YOU ARE

RIDICULOUS.

THIS WHOLE V.I.P. THING HAS GOT

YOU TWISTED.

>> WELL, V.I.P. IS PUTTING ME IN

MAJOR CIRCLES EVERY WEEK.

>> WELL, LOOK, MELANIE, IT

DOESN'T MATTER, OKAY?

'CAUSE WE GOT TWO CHOICES -- WE

CAN EITHER GO BACK TO THE OLD

CHURCH OR GO BACK TO THIS NEW

ONE, BUT WE'RE GONNA SIT IN THE

BACK WITH THE REGULAR PEOPLE.

>> YOU MEAN IN COACH?

>> NO, I MEAN IN BACK WITH THE

REGULAR PEOPLE.

>> COACH.

DERWIN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT V.I.P.

STANDS FOR IN THE CHURCH?

>> TELL ME, MEL.

>> VERY IMPORTANT PROTECTION.

NO, NO, NO, I'M TELLING YOU, THE

BACK OF THE CHURCH IS NO

DIFFERENT THAN THE BACK OF A

PLANE.

YOU FIGHT FOR ARM RESTS, LITTLE

TIMMY WON'T STOP QUIT KICKING

YOUR CHAIR, AND THE BATHROOM

SMELL MIGHT AS WELL BE IN YOUR

MOUTH.

>> OKAY.

WELL, IT'S YOUR CHOICE.

>> DON'T YOU HAVE A GAME NEXT

SUNDAY?

SUNDAY? >> MONDAY NIGHT.

>> MONDAY NIGHT.

>> LOOK, I JUST WANT TO THANK

YOU GUYS AGAIN FOR STICKING WITH

ME DURING MY EXTENDED HIATUS.

IT IS SO GOOD TO BE BACK HERE

ON...

>> "THE PITT STOP."

>> BEFORE I GO, I JUST WANT TO

SEND A SPECIAL MESSAGE TO A VERY

SPECIAL WOMAN IN MY LIFE.

YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE,

BUT IF YOU'RE UNSURE, LET ME

JUST SAY, WHEN I DRINK WHITE

WINE, I THINK OF YOU.

I ONLY HAVE ONE REQUEST --

PLEASE, CAN WE JUST START AGAIN

FROM THE BEGINNING?

HUH?

HMM?

>> LOOK, JASON, ASSUMING THAT

I'M THE VERY SPECIAL LADY IN

THAT SCENARIO, BECAUSE YOU

DIDN'T ACTUALLY SAY MY NAME --

>> I DID THE WHOLE WHITE-WINE

THING.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> I CARE ABOUT YOU, JASON.

I JUST THINK THAT WE'RE IN TWO

DIFFERENT PLACES IN OUR LIVES.

I MEAN, IF I WAS 22, I'D HAVE NO

PROBLEM WINGING IT WITH YOU AND

SEEING WHERE THIS GOES.

BUT I'M 32.

>> YOU'RE 32?

DAMN!

MELANIN IS JUST NATURE'S LITTLE

ANTI-AGING MIRACLE, ISN'T IT?

>> [ SCOFFS ]

LOOK, I WANT IT ALL, DESERVE IT

ALL, AND I DON'T THINK YOU CAN

GIVE THAT TO ME.

MARRIAGE, KIDS...

I MEAN, DO YOU EVEN WANT KIDS?

'CAUSE I HEAR HOW YOU TALK ABOUT

THE ONE YOU HAVE NOW.

AND ARE YOU PREPARED TO LIVE

WITH SOMEBODY OR SHARE SPACE,

DIVVY UP THE CABLE BILL?

'CAUSE I NEED STARZ IN MY LIFE.

>> WOW.

ALL RIGHT.

FINE, YEAH. FINE.

>> UGH! DON'T ACT LIKE THAT.

>> I'M NOT ACTING LIKE ANYTHING.

WHAT?

YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY BLACK

WOMAN IN SAN DIEGO?

PLEASE, THERE ARE OTHER CATFISH

IN THE SEA.

WANT SOME JUNIOR MINTS, JUNISA?

>> JENNIFER.

>> REALLY?

IS IT SPELLED WITH A "G" OR LIKE

AN "A-H" AT THE END?

LIKE "JENNIFAH"?

>> JUST THE USUAL SPELLING.

>> HUH.

WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT BIG ON

CANDY, IT'S ALL GOOD.

I ALSO SNUCK IN SOME SUNFLOWER

SEEDS AND SOME BABY-BACK RIBS.

>> IF ANYONE SEES THAT, THEY'RE

GONNA THROW US OUT OF HERE.

>> YEAH.

THEY'D BE DOING US BLACK FOLK

WRONG, HUH?

>> NO, IT'S JUST AGAINST RULES,

AND PLEASE STOP SAYING

"BE DOING."

>> WHATEVER YOU BE WANTING.

OH, NOW, SEE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE ABOUT TO GO

IN THAT DARK-ASS ALLEY BY

HERSELF, CAN YOU?

HUH?

I BET YOU WANT TO JUST SCREAM AT

HER, HUH?

YOU BETTER LET HER KNOW.

YOU BETTER TELL HER BEFORE IT'S

TOO LATE, GO ON.

>> JASON, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO

BE QUIET.

>> OH, SORRY, YEAH.

SO YOU CAN TELL HER.

MY BAD.

>> NO, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE

LOOKING AT US.

>> YEAH, BUT WE DON'T CARE

BECAUSE THIS IS OUR THING, OKAY?

SO, COME ON, SERIOUSLY.

ON THE COUNT OF THREE -- ONE,

TWO, THREE,

GIRL, DON'T YOU GO UP IN THERE!

[ LAUGHING ]

WHERE WERE YOU AT?

YOU DIDN'T --

WHERE YOU GO--

GIRL, YOU TRIPPING!

WHAT?

WHAT? IT'S OKAY. I'M BLACK.

IT'S OKAY. I'M BLACK.

>> OH.

>> AW.

LOOK AT YOU.

>> WHAT?

>> BLACK BEAUTY.

IS THAT HENNESSY?

>> HELL, YEAH, IT'S HENNESSY.

>> WHY DIDN'T I COME HERE IN THE

FIRST PLACE?

>> WAIT. DON'T BE BARGING IN ON

MY ME TIME, OKAY?

>> I NEED YOUR HELP.

I NEED YOUR HELP.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> I NEED TO UNDERSTAND...

THE BLACK WOMAN.

>> HA! REALLY?

>> I BEEN OUT WITH THREE OF THEM

THIS WEEK AND I DIDN'T CLICK

WITH ANY OF THEM.

>> OKAY.

WELL, MAYBE NOT ALL GIRLS WANT

TO CLICK YOU.

>> NO, IT'S NOT --

I'M HAVING A PROBLEM WITH ONE.

IT'S THIS CHICK, CHARDONNAY.

>> CHARDONNAY?

>> YEAH.

>> CHARDONNAY?

MALIK ALMOST MARRIED HER!

DAMN.

GIRL MUST GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL.

>> NO, THAT'S THE STRIPPER

CHARDONNAY.

MINE'S A BARTENDER.

>> MM.

YOU SAYING IT LIKE THAT'S

BETTER OR SOMETHING.

>> LOOK, I'M TRYING TO FIGURE

OUT WHY THIS WOMAN WOULD PASS UP

THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE WITH ME.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I'M KIND OF

JASON PITTS.

>> SO THAT'S WHAT THE ISSUE IS,

HUH?

YOU AIN'T USED TO ANYBODY

TELLING YOU NO, HUH?

ESPECIALLY NO FEMALE.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

LEMONHEAD, ALL RIGHT?

YOU BETTER GET USED TO PEOPLE

TELLING YOU NO NOW, ESPECIALLY

SINCE YOU A WASHED-UP

EX-ATHLETE.

>> OKAY.

GLAD I STOPPED BY FOR THE PEP

TALK.

>> UNH-UNH, NO! HELL, NO!

NO, I AIN'T FINISHED, OKAY?

I AIN'T GONNA HAVE YOU WALKING

AROUND TOWN THINKING THERE'S A

PROBLEM WITH BLACK WOMEN WITHOUT

KNOWING OUR PLIGHT.

>> YES.

THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.

OKAY, SIT DOWN.

PLIGHT ME. LET'S GO.

>> LOOK...

THE BLACK WOMAN IS SO DESPERATE

TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A

GOOD BLACK MAN THAT WE'LL WAIT

AROUND FOR THEM.

>> PREACH ON.

>> ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL PRAY FOR THEM.

>> MM-HMM.

>> AND THEN WHEN WE FINALLY SNAG

ONE, WE'LL JUST GO AHEAD AND LET

THAT NEGRO JUST ACT A FOOL.

>> OKAY.

SO THAT'S WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS SO

ANGRY.

>> NOBODY ANGRY!

>> NO, I MEAN, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE

SUCH A --

>> WHAT? SAY IT.

>> THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SUCH A

BI...TTERSWEET CHOCOLATE MORSEL.

OKAY. I UNDERSTAND THE PLIGHT.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> HOW DO I GET MY BLACK WOMAN

TO WANT TO BE WITH ME?

>> JUST ACCEPT HER ON HER TERMS.

AND BE HONEST.

>> THAT'S IT?

>> YEAH.

OH! AND...

[ SNAPS FINGERS ]

AND READ THIS BOOK.

>> STEVE HARVEY'S BOOK?

>> HELL, YEAH.

>> THIS IS WHERE YOU'RE GETTING

YOUR INFORMATION?

>> SOME OF IT.

I BET YOU THAT BARTENDER IS,

TOO.

I'M TELLING YOU, DON'T SLEEP.

OKAY?

HE AIN'T JUST AN ACTOR/DISC

JOCKEY/CONNOISSEUR OF FINE

SUITS/COMEDIAN/GAME-SHOW HOST.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

HE'S A PROPHET.

NOW, YOU GO AND TELL THAT ON

THE MOUNTAIN, HEAR?

>> EXCUSE ME. SORRY.

>> EXCUSE ME. SORRY. >> EXCUSE ME, BRO.

>> EXCUSE ME, BRO.

>> OH, MAN!

DERWIN DAVIS?

>> YEAH, WHAT'S UP, MAN?

YOU GOOD?

>> I'M SHOCKED!

LIKE, ARE YOU LOST OR SOMETHING?

>> NO.

>> HEY, HEY, HEY!

HEY, CAN I BOTHER YOU FOR AN

AUTOGRAPH?

>> YOU WANT ME TO SIGN THE

BIBLE?

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT, BRO?

I-I'M GONNA HOLD OFF.

>> OH.

OKAY.

>> THERE'S A STORY HERE MOST

RECENTLY THAT WAS ANIMATED.

THE "WINNIE THE POOH" SERIES IS

WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, AND

EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT LITTLE OLD

PIGLET.

>> BOO, WHAT PAGE WE ON?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I CAN'T HEAR FROM BACK HERE.

>> HEY, MY MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT

PAGE WE'RE ON?

>> NAH. I AIN'T EVEN LISTENING

TO THE DUDE.

I GOT SO MUCH ON MY MIND, YOU

KNOW?

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

AS A MATTER OF FACT...

YOU THINK YOU COULD LET ME HOLD

A LITTLE SOMETHING?

>> UH, W-WHAT YOU WANT?

WHAT'S UP?

>> YEAH, MAN, MY CELLY DOWN, AND

IT'S GONNA TAKE ABOUT A C-NOTE

TO BRING IT BACK TO LIFE.

>> EVERYTHING OKAY BACK HERE IN

COACH, DERWIN?

>> YEAH, UH, I-I'M SORRY.

I DON'T HAVE IT.

>> OH, COME ON, MAN.

I KNOW YOUGOT IT.

SEEING YOUR WIFE SITTING THERE

WITH THAT $30,000 PURSE.

>> HEY, HEY, OKAY?

DON'T BE WORRYING ABOUT WHAT MY

WIFE GOT, BRO.

>> OH, PRAISE THE LORD, SAINT.

>> NOW LET'S HEAR SOME PRAISE

REPORTS.

YES, MA'AM?

>> HELLO, EVERYONE.

MY NAME IS CELESTE...

AND RECENTLY, I'VE FALLEN ON

SOME HARD TIMES.

MY DAUGHTER TOOK SICK A FEW

MONTHS BACK AND, TRYING TO TAKE

CARE OF HER, I WOUND UP LOSING

MY JOB.

NOW MEDICAL BILLS MOUNTING UP.

NOW, I ALREADY SOLD MY CAR AND

MY JEWELRY, AND I WOULD JUST...

IF YOU COULD FIND IT IN YOUR

HEART TO SAY A PRAYER FOR ME AND

MY FAMILY, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE

IT.

THANK YOU.

AND GOD BLESS.

OH, I'M SO SORRY!

I SAT ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL PURSE.

>> OH, NO, NO, NO.

>> OH, NO, NO, NO. NO, DON'T BE.

NO, DON'T BE.

>> HEY.

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE DEAL.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

I REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU.

>> IS THAT WHY YOU WENT OUT WITH

THREE OF MY FRIENDS THIS WEEK?

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ONE, YOU KNOW I DON'T KNOW ANY

OTHER BLACK WOMEN.

TWO, I ONLY DID IT 'CAUSE YOU

SHUT ME DOWN.

I WAS TRYING TO REPLACE YOU.

>> WELL, HOW'D THAT WORK OUT?

>> NOT SO HOT-SO.

>> HMM.

>> BY THE WAY, YOUR FRIEND

JASMINE -- WEIRD-O.

NO, I'M SERIOUS.

THEY NEED TO GO AHEAD AND LOCK

HER ASS UP.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

IT'S NOT WHY I'M HERE.

I'M HERE TO TELL YOU...

I'M NOT GONNA BE A MAN DRIVEN BY

HIS EGO ANYMORE.

>> OH, MY GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND CALL BULL

ON THAT ONE, SEEING AS THOUGH

YOU CAN'T GO A WHOLE

CONVERSATION WITHOUT TELLING

SOMEBODY YOU BROUGHT THIS CITY A

CHAMPIONSHIP.

>> YOU -- YOU ARE ALWAYS LOCKED

AND LOADED, AREN'T YOU?

LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING THAT I'M

GONNA PRETEND LIKE I DON'T HAVE

AN EGO, OKAY?

YOU'D HAVE ONE, TOO, IF YOU

BROUGHT THE CITY A CH-- AAH!

I KNOW THAT I'M NOT IN THE SAME

PLACE IN LIFE AS YOU, BUT I WANT

TO TRY AND GET THERE.

OKAY?

NOT FINANCIALLY, YOU BUT KNOW

WHAT I MEAN.

SO LET'S TAKE THE FOUR WEEKS WE

HAVE UNTIL THE ANNULMENT AND,

YOU KNOW, TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING,

SOMETHING REAL.

>> JASON, I'M SORRY.

IT'S JUST THAT MY BULL RADAR IS

JUST OFF THE CHARTS RIGHT NOW.

>> WHY? NO!

>> MA'AM, DID YOU NEED ANYTHING

ELSE?

>> PLIGHT!

I KNOW ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF

THE...

OF THE BLACK WOMAN.

HUH?

YES!

I KNOW HOW YOU'RE SO DESPERATE

TO GET A GOOD BLACK MAN AND YOU

WAIT AND WAIT AND YOU FINALLY

GET A GOOD BLACK MAN BUT THEN

HE'S A FOOLISH NEGRO AND YOU

PRAY -- NO.

>> OH.

>> I'M MESSING IT UP.

STEVE HARVEY...

IS A PROPHET.

>> OH, MY RADAR JUST EXPLODED.

JUST EXPLODED.

>> OKAY, JUST HOLD ON, LISTEN.

OKAY, I'M NOT GONNA USE SOMEONE

ELSE'S WORDS TO TRY TO GET WHAT

I WANT.

AND WHAT I WANT IS YOU.

AND I COULD STAND HERE AND TELL

YOU EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT TO

HEAR, BUT THE REALITY IS YOU

HAVE TO LET ME SHOW YOU INSTEAD.

ALL RIGHT?

SO I'M ASKING YOU, PLEASE,

CHARDONNAY PITTS JUST...

TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH WITH ME

AND -- AND GIVE US A SHOT.

>> OKAY.

OKAY, I AM TURNING OFF MY RADAR.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> I'LL GIVE IT FOUR WEEKS.

>> I ONLY NEED THREE.

>> OKAY.

>> NO, NO, FOUR'S GOOD, THOUGH.

>> NO, NO, FOUR'S GOOD, THOUGH. WE'VE GOT THE FOUR, SO LET'S...

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0