Original subtitles

>> OOH, GIRL, THIS IS THE

LIVING.

24-HOUR ROOM SERVICE, MAID

SERVICE, ICE SERVICE?

YOU'RE LIVING LIKE

"PRETTY WOMAN" UP IN HERE.

>> GIRL, AIN'T NOBODY PLAYIN',

OKAY?

IT'S ABOUT BUSINESS, ALL RIGHT?

MAINTAINING THAT BIG-ASS HOUSE

BY MYSELF?

GIRL, IT WAS TAKING UP TOO MUCH

OF MY TIME.

OKAY, GIRL.

I HAD THE GARDENER, THE

MAINTENANCE, AND WHATNOT.

SEE, RIGHT NOW, I JUST NEED TO

BE FOCUSED ON MALIK'S CAREER.

>> MM-HMM.

YOU SURE IT WASN'T 'CAUSE THAT

HOUSE IS HAUNTED -- THE GHOSTS

OF RICK FOX AND DANTE?

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> YOU EVER GET YOUR KIDS BACK

FROM THE STATE?

>> YOU GO TOO FAR.

>> HI, GUYS.

>> WELL, LOOK WHO DECIDED TO

SHOW UP 30 MINUTES LATE FOR MY

SUBCOMMITTEE.

>> MM.

>> I APOLOGIZE.

I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN HERE

EARLIER, BUT I WAS ON THE

ELEVATOR WITH A TOUR GROUP THAT

GOT OFF ON EVERY FLOOR.

I GUESS THAT'S THE DOWNSIDE TO

HOTEL LIVING.

>> GIRL, NOW, DON'T BE MAD

'CAUSE YOU TRIED TO CUT ME OUT

OF THAT VERIZON DEAL AND I HAD

TO WAX THAT ASS IN NEGOTIATION

TO GET MY 10%.

[ GASPS ]

Oh, but I haven't told a soul.

>> WHATEVER.

CAN WE JUST HEAR THESE

PRELIMINARY IDEAS FOR THE

FASHION SHOW?

>> OH, WE WILL START WHEN I'M

READY TO START!

JUST SO HAPPEN I'M READY TO

START.

SO, LADIES, THIS YEAR, I HAVE

ENLISTED THE HELP OF SOMEONE WHO

IS GOING TO TAKE THIS SHOW TO A

WHOLE NOTHER LEVEL.

SHE IS THE EPITOME OF BEAUTY,

STYLE, AND SOPHISTICATION.

>> NeNe!

>> HEY, LADIES!

>> HEY!

>> I AM SO EXCITED!

TASHA HAS ASKED ME TO BE THE

MARQUIS DESIGNER FEATURED IN

THIS YEAR'S ANNUAL CHARITY

FASHION SHOW.

NOW IT IS THE PERFECT

OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO INTRODUCE

MY LINE OF CLOTHING FOR THE

SEXY, COMFORTABLE, VO-LUMP-TUOUS

WOMAN ON THE GO.

>> DON'T YOU MEAN VOLUPTUOUS?

>> NO.

VO-LUMP-TUOUS.

THAT IS THE INSPIRATION BEHIND

LEAKESUOUS BY LINNETHIA "NeNe"

LEAKES.

>> MM!

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> WHO ON EARTH IS

LINNETHIA LEAKES?

>> LADIES!

>> HIT IT, Y'ALL!

OH!

>> OWW.

NOW, NOW, NOW.

THIS IS A TRACK SUIT FOR WHEN

YOU WANT TO THROW ON SNEAKERS

AND HIT THE GYM OR THROW ON A

PAIR OF PUMPS AND HIT THE MALL.

>> HEY!

>> HEY!

AND THIS TRACK SUIT IS FOR YOUR

COURTSIDE SEATS OR THE P.T.A.

MEETING.

IT IS AS IF CLASS MEETS SASS AND

HAD A BABY!

>> [ Chuckling ] HAD A BABY!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> NOW, THIS IS FOR THE CLUB.

I LOST A SLEEVE SO YOU CAN

REALLY GET YOUR GROOVE ON.

>> THAT NEEDS POCKETS.

>> NOW THIS I CONSIDER OUR

SHOWSTOPPER, OKAY?

IT'S FOR WHEN HE PROPOSES.

>> OOH!

THAT'S HOT! THAT'S HOT!

>> NeNe LEAKESUOUS!

>> NeNe LEAKESUOUS! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> I SWEAR TO GOD.

COACH SCREAMS AT ME ONE MORE

TIME, I'MMA KNOCK HIM ON HIS

ASS.

>> YOU DO THAT, YOU GONNA BE

PLAYING LEFT BENCH LIKE MALIK

GROWING MAN BOOBS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> OH, SO NOW I'M GROWING MAN

BOOBS, HUH, JEROME?

>> I'M SORRY, MALIK.

THAT WAS MEANT TO BE, UH, BEHIND

YOUR BACK.

>> MM.

>> HEY, Y'ALL KILL THAT NOISE.

AND, JUVON, MAN, YOU SHOULDN'T

EVEN BE TALKING, MAN, 'CAUSE

YOUR MAN BOOBIES HAVE GOTTEN

REALLY SLOPPY LATELY.

HEY, MALIK, MAN, DON'T SWEAT

THEM FOOLS.

>> THANKS, MAN.

I APPRECIATE THE LOVE,

ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU HELPED ME

GET BENCHED.

KILL YOURSELF, YOU BASTARD.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL.

>> YOU THOUGHT WE WERE COOL?

WHY, 'CAUSE I CAME TO YOUR SON'S

BIRTHDAY PARTY?

THAT'S MY GODSON.

IT AIN'T HIS FAULT HIS DADDY'S

A PIECE OF CRAP.

>> PIECE OF CR--

YOU KNOW, YOU BOUGHT A

3-YEAR-OLD DIAMOND CUFF LINKS.

THAT'S THE BEST GOD-DADDY EVER.

JACKASS.

HEY, OBI-KWAN KENOBI.

HOW'S THE ARM FEELING, BABY?

>> WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE LAST

THREE TEAMS I BEAT?

>> YEAH, THAT'S WHAT'S UP, MAN.

WE HAVE BEEN KILLIN' 'EM.

HEY, MAN.

NOT TO BE ALL IN YOUR BUSINESS,

BRO, BUT I HEARD YOU BROKE UP

WITH CAMILLE.

>> YEAH.

>> YO, DON'T EVEN SWEAT IT.

YO, CHECK IT.

AFTER PRACTICE SOMETIMES, I GRAB

A COUPLE FELLAS, WE HANG OUT.

YOU SHOULD COME WITH US, MAN.

MIGHT CHEER YOU UP A BIT.

>> NO, I'M GOOD.

>> YO, THEY GOT KARAOKE.

>> IT'S OKAY, REALLY.

I'M GOOD.

>> HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL LET YOU GET FIRST DIBS ON

I'LL LET YOU GET FIRST DIBS ON "WIND BENEATH MY WINGS."

"WIND BENEATH MY WINGS."

>> MELANIE!

HEY, YOU UP HERE?!

>> YEAH.

>> HEY, WHAT'S UP, LADIES?

UH, WHAT -- WHAT'S -- WHAT'S

TONIGHT?

>> THE TARANTINO MOVIE PREMIERE.

I HUNG YOUR SUIT IN THE CLOSET.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

>> [ SIGHS ]

IT'S...

I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S JUST NOTHING. NOTHING.

SOMETHING AT PRACTICE TODAY.

MAN.

YOU KNOW, THAT KWAN KIRKLAND KID

IS A CLOWN.

LIKE, I INVITED HIM, RIGHT, TO

ROLL WITH US, TO GET SOME FOOD,

WHATEVER.

HE HAS THE NERVE TO TELL ME,

"I'M GOOD."

>> HM.

TASHA IS SO GHETTO.

SHE'S TRYING TO TURN THE SUNBEAM

FASHION SHOW INTO A SCENE FROM

"THE WIZ."

>> LIKE, I REALLY THOUGHT WE WAS

COOL, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE, LIKE,

AFTER I SCORED A TOUCHDOWN OR

SOMETHING...

I GIVE HIM THE POINT, YOU KNOW

WHAT I MEAN?

THAT -- THAT'S LOVE!

>> HER THEME LAST YEAR WAS

GHETTO DREAMIN', OKAY?

AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT WAS

GHETTO FEVER.

OH, BACK IN '08, IT WAS

"IT'S GHETTO UP IN HERR."

I SUPPORT THE GHETTO JUST AS

MUCH AS THE NEXT PERSON.

I BUY BARBECUE ONCE A MONTH.

BUT I MEAN, COME ON.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

>> I KNOW, RIGHT?

I'LL BE DAMNED IF I LET THIS

KID DISRESPECT ME IN FRONT OF MY

SQUAD.

LIKE, I'M TRYING TO BUILD TEAM

UNITY.

FEEL ME?

>> EXACTLY!

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT'S

IRKED BY THIS.

THERE'S A WHOLE FRACTION OF THE

SUNBEAMS THAT WANTS THE FASHION

SHOW TO BE...RESPECTFUL, NOT

SOME SPECTACLE.

OH, AND THEY NEED A VOICE, TOO.

IT CAN'T JUST BE ABOUT ONE

SELFISH INDIVIDUAL.

>> SELFISH-ASS KWAN.

>> SELFISH-ASS TASHA.

TRUTH MOMENT?

YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN OF THE

SABERS, AND YOU PAID YOUR DUES

RUNNING BEHIND MALIK AND JASON.

NOW KWAN HAS TO KISS YOURASS.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

TRUTH MOMENT BACK?

THE SUNBEAMS?

THE SUNBEAMS ARE ALL YOU, BABY.

OKAY, TASHA MACKNEEDS TO FALL

BACKIN LINE.

YOU FEEL ME?

GIVE ME SOME.

GIVE ME SOME. >> OHH! YEAH!

>> OHH! YEAH!

>> OOH, WHO KNEW THEY HAD SUCH

FINE EATERIES ON THE BLACK SIDE

OF TOWN.

>> UH, WOW, JASON.

>> WOW, CHARDONNAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I-I DON'T THINK I WANT TO DO

THIS.

>> JASON, I PROMISED MY FRIENDS

THAT THEY WERE GOING TO MEET

JASON PITTS.

>> I PROMISE THINGS ALL THE

TIME.

>> PLEASE?

>> OKAY, FINE.

>> OKAY.

>> IS IT SO WRONG TO WANT A

BLACK MAN THAT COMPLIMENTS ME,

WHO HAS A GOOD JOB, WHO ISN'T

GAY, WHO'S NEVER BEEN TO PRISON?

>> WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE BLACK

MAN I KNOW OF THAT FITS THAT

DESCRIPTION.

HI, JASON PITTS.

BROUGHT THE CITY A CHAMPIONSHIP.

>> OHH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY, OKAY.

WELL, I HEARD YOU TWO GOT ABOUT

SIX WEEKS UNTIL THAT ANNULMENT'S

FINAL.

MAYBE YOU CAN FAKE MARRY ME

NEXT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> OKAY, I HEAR YOU.

I HEAR YOU.

I DON'T SEE HOW BLACK COLLEGES

PREPARE YOU FOR THE REAL

DIVERSE, YOU KNOW...white world.

>> DIESEL WENT TO A BLACK

COLLEGE, AND HE'S PULLING IN SIX

FIGURES...at a white company.

>> NO!

>> YEAH, MAN.

>> HOLY COW!

THIS IS THE WHOLE COW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THIS IS ALL FOR ME?

>> YES, AND YOU GET THE

ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT SHRIMP.

>> NO!

>> YES.

>> FOR $12.99?

>> MM-HMM.

>> WHY AM I JUST HEARING ABOUT

THIS PLACE?

>> BECAUSE YOU DELETED THE HOOD

FROM YOUR GPS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> ALL I'M SAYING IS, MAN...

LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS JUST

BECAUSE YOU VOTE FOR OBAMA

DOESN'T MAKE YOU ANY BLACKER.

>> NO.

ADDING A LETTER "Z" TO THE END

OF WORDS MAKES YOU BLACKER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> I LIKE THAT!

I LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU.

I LIKE THAT.

>> MY BROTHER.

YEAH.

>> WHAT YOU JUST CALL ME?

>> BROTHER.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M A BROTHER.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN CALLED THAT

BEFORE IN MY LIFE, NOR DID I

THINK I'D BE SO PROUD TO BE

CALLED THAT.

BUT I AM.

I'M PROUD.

YOU JUST -- I'M A BROTHER.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> YES.

>> HE'S A BROTHER.

>> YES.

>> GIVE IT UP FOR THE BROTHER.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> UH-OH, Y'ALL.

WE GOT SOME COMPANY.

>> HEY, FELLAS.

>> OH, HEY, HEY, HEY.

BE COOL, MAN.

>> WHAT?

I SAID "HEY."

>> YOU'RE CALLING UNWANTED

ATTENTION.

>> DIESEL GOT A DWB LAST WEEK --

DRIVING WHILE BLACK.

>> NOW, SEE, THAT IS JUST

ANOTHER IMAGINARY HURDLE THAT WE

USE THAT KEEP OURSELVES FROM

GETTING AHEAD.

OKAY?

NEED TO WRITE ONE OF YOUR DEF

POEM JAMS ABOUT THAT.

>> NAH, MAN.

YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR BLINDERS

OFF.

>> I GET PULLED OVER, LIKE, ONCE

A MONTH, MAN.

THEY ASK ME FOR AN AUTOGRAPH.

THEY KEEP IT MOVING.

>> WELL, THEY DON'T KNOW WHO YOU

ARE WHEN THEY PULL YOU OVER,

DUDE.

ALL THEY KNOW IS THAT YOU'RE A

BLACK GUY DRIVING IN AN UPSCALE,

WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD.

>> OKAY. OKAY.

>> [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

LISTEN, NO, NO.

NO PREACH. NO PREACH.

LISTEN.

YOU GUYS GOT ME TO RETHINK THE

WHOLE BLACK COLLEGE THING.

I TOLD YOU I'M GONNA FILL OUT

THE APPLICATION FOR THE RUSH

CARD.

BUT YOU GUYS ARE BEING A LITTLE

OVERSENSITIVE ABOUT THIS.

>> NO. NO.

RACISM IS RACISM NO MATTER WHO

YOU ARE.

BUT OPEN YOUR EYES, AND YOU'LL

SEE.

>> WAIT! WAIT!

AND Y'ALL AIN'T GONNA BELIEVE

WHO ELSE I LANDED FOR THE

FASHION SHOW.

ICE-T'S WIFE -- COCO-T!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> THE BAR WAS RIGHT HERE, BUT

YOU DONE TAKE IT WAY UP THERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> LADIES? LADIES?

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION,

PLEASE?

>> [ As valley girl ] IT'S

BRYNN, WITH A "B"?!

[ CHUCKLES ]

GIRL, REALLY?

ALL THIS TIME, I BEEN SPELLING

IT "SUSIE SAUSAGE HEAD."

>> FOR THOSE WHO ARE INTERESTED,

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH

MELANIE AND I HAVE SOME GOOD

NEWS AND SOME BAD NEWS.

OUR PRESIDENT COULD NOT BE HERE

TODAY BECAUSE SHE'S TRYING

FOR...

IN VITRO!

[ APPLAUSE ]

SO WITH OUR HEARTS FULL OF LOVE,

LET'S GIVE HER A SUNBEAM SALUTE.

>> OOH, WELL, SINCE WE UP IN

HERE TESTIFYING, WON'T Y'ALL

GIVE A LITTLE SALUTE FOR THE

DENTAL APPOINTMENT I GOT NEXT

WEEK.

>> AND SO --

>> AND SO THIS MEETING IS OVER!

OKAY, I SAY WE TAKE IT UP A

NOTCH.

WHO WANTS TEQUILA?

>> YOU KNOW HOW OUR PRESIDENT

IS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT BEING A

3:00 A.M. PERSON AND, YOU KNOW,

ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT COMING UP

WITH NEW IDEAS.

AND LAST NIGHT, I HAD A

3:00-A.M. MOMENT.

IT'S ABOUT THE FASHION SHOW.

SO I MADE SOME CALLS AND PULLED

SOME STRINGS.

>> OH, I GUESS MY PHONE WASN'T

WORKING.

>> LADIES, I'D LIKE TO PRESENT

THE TOAST OF BRITISH FASHION, BY

WAY OF ALABAMA,

MR. DONATELLA SWEETESCOTT!

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, LADIES.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> WHO THE HELL IS

DONATELLA SWEETESCOTT?

>> WHO THE HELL AM I?

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

HONEY, I'VE GOT FASCINATORS

OLDER THAN YOU ARE.

>> WHAT THE HELL IS A

FASCINATOR?

>> GIRL, IT'S LIKE A BUTTON.

>> WHEN BRYNN CALLED AND TOLD ME

THAT YOUR FASHION SHOW WAS IN

THE CRAPPER, I SAID, "I AM

BUSY!

I'M IN THE LOO!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

NO, I'M LYING.

I ACTUALLY SAID, "I'M IN THE

CRAPPER!"

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> WELL, TO MAKE A LONG STORY

SHORT --

>> MM, LIKE YOU GOT ANY OTHER

CHOICE.

>> OOH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

MM-HMM.

TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT,

BRYNN OFFERED ME $10,000 TO STEP

IN AND FIX THIS TRAIN WRECK.

AND SO I SAID, "WELL, LET'S

POLISH THIS TURD!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY, LADIES.

CORNUCOPIA BY SWEETESCOTT.

CORNUCOPIA BY SWEETESCOTT. [ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ] >> HMPH!

>> HMPH!

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

AND LADIES, THAT IS OVER THE

RAINBOW.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> SO WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?

WHAT, I'M SUPPOSED TO SANDWICH

HERIN BETWEEN COCO-T AND --

>> HUP-UP-UP-UP -- HER?

>> YEAH.

>> NO, I THINK YOU MEANT HIM.

HONEY, UNDERNEATH THESE

PETTICOATS, I AM ALL MAN.

>> OKAY, WELL, JUST MAKE SURE

YOU KEEP YOUR PETTICOAT ALL

FASCINATED UP.

>> I'M JUST GOING TO SAY IT.

THE FASHION SHOW NEEDS A NEW

DIRECTION AND NEW LEADERSHIP.

AGREE?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

HOLD UP, HEATHER HOT LINK, OKAY?

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN RUNNING THIS

FASHION SHOW FOR THE PAST SIX

YEARS, OKAY?

BEFORE YOUR LITTLE BOUGIE ASS

EVEN GOT OFF THE SHIP.

>> YEP.

LAST YEAR SHE RAISED $500,000

FOR SICKLE CELL.

>> MM-HMM.

>> WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

BUT JUST IMAGINE HOW MUCH MORE

MONEY YOU COULD RAISE WITH A

REAL FASHION SHOW.

>> OH!

>> OH.

>> OKAY, SO, WHAT?

YOU TRYING TO SAY THAT MY

FASHION SHOW AIN'T REAL?

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> PLEASE!

GHETTOPIA?

PSSHT.

THAT WAS THE TRUTH.

>> THANK YOU!

>> LADIES, LADIES, THERE WAS A

REASON THAT WE FLED BRITAIN.

LET'S PUT IT TO A VOTE.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

ALL IN FAVOR FOR MY GIRL, RAISE

YOUR HAND.

>> AND ALL IN FAVOR OF WHAT I

WANT TO DO, RAISE YOUR HAND.

>> OH.

>> ALL RIGHT.

SO WHAT'S THE COUNT?

>> 12-10.

YOU WON.

>> HA!

SO TAKE THAT, BARBIE BACON!

>> BARBIE BACON, REALLY?

>> DAMN IT.

I CAN'T WIN AT EVERYTHING.

>> LADIES.

>> OH, WELL, OKAY.

OH, WHAT?

SO NOW WE ADJOURN?!

HUH!

OH, AND TAKE LITTLE SWEET SHORTS

WITH YOU.

[ ALARM BEEPING ]

>> I'M SORRY.

I NEED TO CHECK YOUR BAGS.

>> YEAH. NO PROBLEM.

>> YOU'RE FINE.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

SIR, CAN YOU OPEN YOUR BAGS?

>> SURE.

UM, WHY DID HE GET TO WALK AWAY

UNCHECKED?

>> I'M SURE YOU SET OFF THE

SENSOR.

>> OH, YOU'RE SURE, ARE YOU?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

LITTLE LADY.

NOT ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE

THIEVES, OKAY?

IT'S LIKE MARTIN LUTHER KING

SAID --

I BELIEVE MALCOLM "X" SAID IT

BEST --

YOU KNOW ANY MOS DEF?

>> YOUR CASHIER'S STILL IN

TRAINING.

SHE'S BEEN FORGETTING TO REMOVE

THE SENSORS ALL MORNING.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

OH!

MY FAULT.

THAT'S MY FAULT.

YOU KNOW, MY EX-WIFE IS WHITE.

IT'S NOT WHY I LEFT HER, IT'S

WHY -- IT'S ACTUALLY WHY I

MARRIED HER.

MARRIED HER. SO WE'RE GOOD?

SO WE'RE GOOD?

>> OH! WHOA!

>> AH, SHUT UP, BLACKIE!

>> AH, SHUT UP, BLACKIE! I COULD HAVE HIT YOU.

I COULD HAVE HIT YOU.

I COULD HAVE HIT YOU. [ CHEERING ]

[ CHEERING ]

>> HEY!

HEY, BOY!

HEY!

WE LET THEM KNOW OUT THERE THAT

THIS RIGHT HERE IS SABER

COUNTRY!

>> YEAH!

>> I NEED ALL YOU BASTARDS TO

HURRY UP AND GET DRESSED, 'CAUSE

I'M TAKING YOU ALL OUT AND WE

TEARING UP THE TOWN!

>> LET'S GO!

>> LET'S GO!

>> HEY, KWAN?!

YOU GOING TO ROLL WITH US,

RIGHT?

>> NO, I'M GOOD.

>> OH, OH, HE'S GOOD.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT

MEANS EXACTLY.

EXPLAIN THAT TO ME, YOU GOOD.

IS THAT LIKE YOU TOO GOOD TO

HANG WITH US?

I MEAN, YOU ARE A SABER, RIGHT?

>> OKAY.

THAT'S HOW YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

>> I MEAN, PLEASE EXPLAIN.

>> OKAY. I'LL EXPLAIN.

I WILL BE PERFECTLY CLEAR.

I'M NOT HERE TO BE YOUR BUDDY,

OKAY?

I'M NOT YOUR MALIK OR YOUR

JASON.

HELL, I'M NOT EVEN YOUR JUVON.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

>> I'M HERE TO WIN

CHAMPIONSHIPS.

>> MM-HMM.

>> SO STOP FINDING WAYS TO ASK

ME OUT, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S GETTING KIND OF SUSPECT,

DON'T YOU THINK?

>> All: OOH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> HEY, Y'ALL, BE COOL.

BE COOL WITH THAT CRAP.

FIRST OF ALL, KWAN, YOU'RE THE

ONLY ONE UP IN HERE WHO THINKS

HE'S A BILLY BAD ASS.

>> OKAY, RIGHT. RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, FELLAS, WHY DON'T YOU ENJOY

YOUR "PARTYING."

>> HEY, I CAN SEE WHAT KWAN'S

INSINUATING SO HOT SAUCE OUT.

>> REALLY, HOT SAUCE?

YEAH?

>> ANYBODY ELSE GONNA BAIL?

>> YEAH, I'M OUT TOO, BRO.

>> YOU TOO, HUH?

OKAY.

WELL, ANYWAYS, GOOD WIN.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

JUST WHEN YOU THINK SOMEBODY'S

YOUR BOY.

KA-KA-KA!

CRAZY, HUH?

CRAZY, HUH? [ CHUCKLES ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CHUCKLES ] >> [ SIGHS ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> EXCUSE ME, IS THIS YOUR COAT?

>> YEAH. IT'S MY COAT.

I PAID FOR IT.

WHAT, BLACK MEN CAN'T HAVE A

COAT?

OH, WE'RE FROM AFRICA?

WE'RE ALWAYS HOT?

WE DON'T NEED COATS?

>> I WAS JUST GONNA ASK FOR A

PLACE TO SIT.

>> SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE, DUDE.

I'M HOT.

>> JASON, WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> I JUST, I'M --

I FEEL LIKE I'M LIVING IN THE

"INCEPTION" OF RACISM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS AND WHAT

ISN'T ANYMORE, AND IT'S YOUR

FAULT -- YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T KNOW

YOU WERE BLACK.

>> IT'S EASIER TO DISMISS WITH

ME.

>> JASON...

>> NO, LOOK.

I'M RICH-AND-FAMOUS BLACK.

HOW DO YOU DO IT WHEN YOU'RE

JUST REGULAR-OLD-BLACK BLACK

LIKE YOU?

>> OH! BAM.

I IGNORE IT, JASON, SPEAK UP

ABOUT IT, AND FIGHT IF IT'S

NECESSARY, BUT AT THE END OF THE

DAY, I STILL HAVE TO LIVE MY

LIFE.

>> YEAH, WELL, AT THE END OF THE

DAY, I NEED A DRINK.

>> LOOK.

TRUST ME.

TRUST ME. YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE, J. TWITTY.

YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE, J. TWITTY.

WHAT?

>> WHAT WHAT?

>> WHAT WHAT? >> WHAT WHAT WHAT?

>> WHAT WHAT WHAT?

>> THAT'S WHAT.

>> MM, NOW I NEED ME A DRINK.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

MELANIE!

COME ON!

WE AIN'T GOT ALL DAY!

IT'S VERY EASY, FRONT TO BACK.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> SHH!

SHE NEEDS TO REST.

>> NOW, WHAT NOW?

>> LADIES, GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS.

ACTUALLY, JUST NEWS.

OUR PRESIDENT IS UNDER DOCTOR'S

ORDERS.

HER BODY HAS BEEN UNDER A LOT OF

STRESS, SO SHE NEEDS TO REST

TODAY.

>> REST?

REST FROM WHAT?

THAT HEIFER DON'T DO NOTHING.

LOOK, I NEEDED TO COME DOWN HERE

'CAUSE I NEED A CHECK CUT FOR

5 G's FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT FOR

THE FASHION SHOW.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW, I DON'T WANT Y'ALL GETTING

ALL EXCITED, BUT I GOT

2/4s OF JODECI TO PERFORM FOR

THE FASHION SHOW.

GIRL, WE GOT JOJO AND

MR. DALVIN.

K-CI AND DeVANTE, THEY HAVING

SOME ISSUES, BUT THEY SWEAR THEY

GONNA TRY AND WORK IT OUT.

>> SO YOU DIDN'T TALK TO OUR

PRESIDENT?

>> ABOUT WHAT?

>> THE FASHION SHOW ISSUE.

>> WE DON'T HAVE NO ISSUE.

I WON. Y'ALL LOST.

OKAY?

NOW, I NEED A CHECK FOR $5,000

FOR JO AND MR. DALVIN.

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]

OH, HELL.

SEE, THAT'S THEM TEXTING ME

RIGHT NOW.

"WHERE THE MONEY AT, TASHA?"

OOH, WELL, IT'S COMING.

IT'S COMING.

RIGHT, BRYNN?

>> I THINK WE SHOULD GET THE

PRESIDENT ON THE PHONE.

[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]

>> HI, BRYNN.

>> Hi, you're on speaker.

WE'RE JUST DISCUSSING THE DIVIDE

THE FASHION SHOW HAS CAUSED.

>> Hi, everyone!

Look, I am so sorry I couldn't

come down there, and I'm even

more sorry my sunbeams are in

discord.

And that's the last thing I want

on my watch.

So, in an effort to make peace,

as President, I will be

commandeering this fashion show

per Sunbeam bylaws.

>> WOW! WOW!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOUR ASS WENT ALL TO WAR ON ME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I AM PLAYING CHECKERS, AND YOUR

ASS IS UP THERE PLAYING CHESS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LITTLE SUSIE SAUSAGE HEAD HERE,

YOU NEVER WANTED TO TAKE OVER

THAT FASHION SHOW.

NO, YOU TOO STUPID FOR THIS.

YOU THE ONE THAT WANTED TO TAKE

OVER MY FASHION SHOW, HUH?

>> WELL, IF IT MEANS SAVING MY

SUNBEAMS, OF COURSE.

>> You know what?

You spiteful little heifer!

You know what?

You're the one trying to turn

everybody against me trying to

say that this whole little thing

is ghetto, when your ass is the

one that's been riding this

ghetto train for the last five

years.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS,

MEL?

IT WAS ABOUT US PARTYING, AND WE

WAS HAVING FUN.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

REAL TALK, MEL?

THIS AIN'T EVEN ABOUT THE

FASHION SHOW, IS IT?

THIS IS ABOUT ME BEATING YOU.

I'm beating you at arbitration,

and I'm beating you on that

vote.

But you know what, little girl?

I'm gonna keep beatin' you.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?

AT THE END OF THE DAY, I'M

BETTER THAN YOU!

YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT A WANNABE.

YOU WANNA BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN

WHAT YOU REALLY ARE,

BUT REAL TALK,

You ain't nothing but a baller's

wife who don't do nothing.

And it don't get no more ghetto

than that.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

HEY!

>> SORRY.

YOU CAN KEEP YOUR LITTLE FASHION

SHOW, OKAY?

BECAUSE THAT WAS THE LAST THING

BECAUSE THAT WAS THE LAST THING THAT WAS KEEPING ME HERE ANYWAY.

THAT WAS KEEPING ME HERE ANYWAY.

THAT WAS KEEPING ME HERE ANYWAY. [ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

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