Original subtitles

[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ] >> MALIK!

>> MALIK!

MALIK!

>> [ GRUNTS ]

>> WHAT'S UP, MAMA?

>> MALIK, LOOK, YOU WERE

SUPPOSED TO MEET ME AND DERWIN

TODAY FOR LUNCH ABOUT THE FORD

CAMPAIGN.

BUT ONLY SOMEONE WITH AN

ASSISTANT WOULD KNOW THAT.

NOW I KNEW BECAUSE I GOT AN

ASSISTANT.

DERWIN KNEW BECAUSE HE HAS AN

ASSISTANT.

NOW WHAT YOU GOT?

>> MA, I GOT AN ASSISTANT.

>> OH, REALLY? WHO?

>> AKIKO.

BABY GIRL, DID YOU FORGET TO

TELL ME ABOUT MY MEETING TODAY?

HUH?

DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.

JUGGLING A LOT, WITH MY

SCHEDULE...

BEING MY TABLE.

BEING MY TABLE. >> [ SPEAKING JAPANESE ]

>> [ SPEAKING JAPANESE ]

>> MALIK, BEFORE YOU CATCH A

CASE FROM FONDLING YOUR

FURNITURE, I'M GONNA GET YOU A

REAL ASSISTANT, YOU HEAR?

>> MA, I DON'T NEED YOU TO DO

ANYTHING FOR ME, OKAY?

I'M A GROWN-ASS MAN.

I GOT THIS.

I DON'T GOT THIS.

JUVON, DAWG, YOU SURE YOUR GIRL

KNOW WHAT SHE DOING?

>> MALIK, SHE DO.

SHE GOT YOU.

>> ALL RIGHT, LADIES, I'M JAZZ.

SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW MY HUSBAND,

JUVON.

HE PLAYS FOR THE SABERS.

>> OH, YEAH, I DO.

>> UNH-UNH, TRICK.

BE GONE.

GO.

>> BYE, BRIDGET.

>> ANYBODY ELSE KNOW HIM?

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

ANYWAYS, Y'ALL SHOULD FEEL VERY

LUCKY TO HAVE MADE IT TO THE

FINALS, SO I'M GONNA STEP BACK

AND CONFER.

THAT MEANS --

WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT IT

MEANS.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> MAN, NUMBER 2.

>> BIBS, I GOT THIS.

>> NUMBER 2 HAS A NICE TORSO.

>> DAWG, I GOT THIS, OKAY?

JUST SETTLE DOWN, ALL RIGHT?

SO, WHAT'S THE QUALIFICATIONS ON

NUMBER 8?

>> 5'3", 110 POUNDS, OPENLY

BISEXUAL, SPICY YET PALATABLE.

>> MMM. GOOD TEAMWORK, GUYS.

YOU TOO, DAWG.

YOU TOO, DAWG. MMM.

MMM.

>> OH!

>> NEGRO, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU

COULDN'T PLAY.

>> YEAH, WELL, THAT WAS BEFORE

YOU SAID YOU GONNA PLAY ME FOR

$1,000.

>> YOU WANT TO SKEET SHOOT?

PUT A THOUSAND ON IT.

I'LL BE A SKEET-SHOOTING-ASS

BROTHER.

>> HA HA!

>> HERE ARE YOUR MOVIES,

MR. WRIGHT.

>> THANK YOU.

WHAT?

I SAID "GODFATHER 1 AND 2,"

NOT DERWIN'S HIGH-SCHOOL

HIGHLIGHTS AND SHIA LaBEOUF'S

BAR MITZVAH.

>> I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE

SYSTEM THAT THEY'RE IN.

>> SHEILA, THE SYSTEM IS

DESIGNED FOR AN IDIOT.

>> MALIK, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO

CALL YOU, BUT THIS IGNORANT

HEIFER KEEPS TRANSFERRING ME TO

YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE.

>> MA, I AIN'T GOT NO ANSWERING

SERVICE.

>> YOU DID JUST HEAR ME CALL HER

>> YOU DID JUST HEAR ME CALL HER AN IGNORANT HEIFER, RIGHT?

AN IGNORANT HEIFER, RIGHT?

LOOK, I'M CALLING TEE TEE TO

SHOW HER THE ROPES, AND THAT'S

THAT.

>> TEE TEE IS DEAD TO ME.

>> BOY, Y'ALL BEEN FRIENDS SINCE

Y'ALL WAS 2.

Y'ALL USED TO TAKE BATHS

TOGETHER, GIGGLE AT EACH OTHER'S

WINKIES.

>> WELL, THEM DAYS IS OVER.

>> YEAH, LET'S HOPE SO.

>> SHOOT.

ALL HE DID WAS TOOK MY MONEY,

BOUGHT HIS LITTLE BUSINESS, THEN

HE BOUNCED.

>> HOW DARE TEE TEE LOOK OUT FOR

HIS OWN LIFE, HUH?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, JUVON?

I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO

UNDERSTAND 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T

NEVER BEEN ABOUT NOTHING.

BUT IF YOU EVER ABOUT SOMEONE,

THEN YOU WILL KNOW, WHEN YOU GET

A LITTLE MONEY, FOLKS TRY TO

TAKE IT.

>> I KNOW THIS, MAN.

SERIOUSLY.

THAT'S WHY WHEN I GET MY MONEY,

I SPENDS IT.

NO MONEY, NO PROBLEMS.

>> AND NO BRAINS BETWEEN THE

BOTH OF YOU.

I'M CALLING TEE TEE, AND THAT'S

THAT.

I'M CALLING HIM!

>> SO, OUR NEXT ORDER OF SUNBEAM

BUSINESS IS THE UPCOMING CHARITY

EVENT I WILL BE HOSTING HERE

THIS SATURDAY!

>> OOH, I HOPE THIS IS NOT

ANOTHER BENEFIT FOR THEM

HOMELESS VETERANS.

THEM MEN, THEY LOVE TO FONDLE.

HELL, NOW.

I KNOW YOU FOUGHT FOR THE

COUNTRY, BUT, DAMN, THAT DON'T

GIVE YOU ACCESS TO EVERYTHING!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> WELL, IT IS ACTUALLY CAREER

DAY FOR AT-RISK GIRLS.

>> MM.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> CODE FOR POOR AND DANGEROUS.

>> STEPHANIE, I THINK IT'S A

GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR US TO

SHARE INDIVIDUAL STORIES.

OF COURSE,

DR. MELANIE BARNETT DAVIS WILL

BE SPEAKING ABOUT HER RISE TO

SUCCESS IN THE MEDICAL FIELD.

THANK YOU,

DR. MELANIE BARNETT DAVIS.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> ALL RIGHT, SO, UM, WE NEED

SOME VOLUNTEERS?

>> [ COUGHS ]

I-I CAN'T MAKE IT.

I GOT PILATES, TAN, NAILS, YEAH.

>> OH, BUT I'LL TALK.

[ Chuckling ] ME.

>> I'LL JUST CHOOSE. UM...

ERICA, THANK YOU.

>> WHAT?!

>> AND...TASHA.

I COULDN'T THINK OF A BETTER

CAUTIONARY TALE FOR THESE YOUNG

GIRLS THAN THE EARLY YEARS OF

YOUR LIFE, TASHA.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

GIVE ME A COUPLE OF THEM GOLD

RINGS SO I CAN BRASS KNUCKLE HER

ASS.

>> GET 'EM.

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

>> UH, IS THERE SOMETHING YOU

NEED, JAZZ?

>> YEAH, I WANT TO SPEAK, TOO.

I WANT TO TELL ALL THE GIRLS HOW

I WENT FROM RAGS TO RICHES AFTER

MY DEBUT ON THE "SHAKE YOUR

RUMP" VIDEO.

>> OHH!

>> HEY!

>> WELL, AS IMPRESSIVE AS THAT

IS, JAZZ, I THINK WE'RE ALL

COVERED.

HEY, WHY DON'T I PUT YOU DOWN

FOR REFRESHMENTS?

YEAH!

"JAZZ ON REFRESHMENT DUTY."

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> OKAY, ALPHABETICAL ORDER

GONNA GIVE SOMEBODY A NOSEBLEED,

SO I USE A SYSTEM THAT NASA

DEVELOPED FOR DYSLEXIC CHIMPS.

ALL RIGHT.

MOVIES THAT MAKE YOU SAD ARE IN

BLUE, RIGHT?

THE ONES THAT MAKE YOU MAD ARE

IN RED.

SO IF THEY MAKE YOU HAPPY, THEY

MUST BE IN...

>> YELLOW.

>> DING DING DING.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> ALL RIGHT.

NOW LET'S MOVE ON TO THE CONDOM

FILING SYSTEM.

>> HELLO, TERRENCE.

CAN YOU HURRY UP WITH YOUR

LITTLE DEMONSTRATION, DOG?

'CAUSE THAT CHICKEN WING SMELL

ON YOU MAKES ME SICK.

MATTER OF FACT, IT MAKES ME WANT

TO VOMIT.

>> ANYWAY.

LAMB-SKIN RIBBED ARE HERE

UNDER LIGHT-SKINNED COLLEGE

GRADUATES, AND EXTRA-THICK LATEX

ARE UNDER CHUBBY GROUPIE/JUNIOR

COLLEGE UNDECIDED, RIGHT.

>> SHEILA, BABY, WE MIGHT HAVE

TO REPLACE THOSE.

WING CROSBY RAN THROUGH THEM

ALL.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU REALLY NEED TO MISS ME WITH

ALL THAT, MAN.

I MEAN, I THOUGHT MY BEING HERE

MIGHT SPARK AN APOLOGY OUT OF

YOU FOR BEING SUCH A BASTARD.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

DOG, YOU WANT METO APOLOGIZE TO

YOU?

NEGRO, THE ONLY REASON WHY I LET

YOUR UGLY ASS IN THIS HOUSE IN

THE FIRST PLACE IS SO YOU COULD

APOLOGIZE TO ME.

>> OH, YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE

TO YOU, HUH?

>> YEP.

>> OKAY, MALIK.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN SUCH A LOYAL

FRIEND TO YOU.

I'M SORRY YOU'VE BEEN SCREWING

ME OVER TIME AND TIME AGAIN

SINCE WE WAS BABIES.

AND, OH, YEAH, I'M SORRY YOU

BANGED MY GIRLFRIEND IN YOUR HOT

TUB.

>> SEE?

WAS THAT SO HARD, TEE TEE?

BOY, GET ON OVER HERE AND GIVE

ME SOME LOVE.

COME ON.

I FORGIVE YOU.

COME ON.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN?

THAT'S THE MONEY YOU LOANED ME

FOR THE WING TRUCK, PLUS

INTEREST.

WE'RE DONE.

>> DAMN, TEE TEE.

HOW DID YOU KNOW I NEEDED SOME

TOILET PAPER?

SHEILA, BABY, PUT THIS IN THE

CRAPPER.

'CAUSE LATER I'M GONNA WIPE MY

ASS WITH IT.

ASS WITH IT. >> YOU'RE A REAL LIFE PIG, MAN.

>> YOU'RE A REAL LIFE PIG, MAN.

>> HUH.

DO YOU WANT TO TAKE CONTROL OF

YOUR LIFE?

YOUNG, STRONG GIRLS GROW INTO

STRONG WOMEN.

HEY, BABY.

>> WHAT'S UP, BOO?

>> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET ME PUT THIS AWAY AND GRAB

YOUR DINNER.

>> OH, NO. NO.

IT'S COOL. IT'S COOL.

I ALREADY ATE.

>> OH. MWAH.

>> WHAT WAS YOU WORKING ON?

>> MY PRESENTATION FOR THE TEEN

GIRLS.

>> OH, THAT'S WHAT'S UP.

LET ME HEAR IT.

>> OH, NAH.

YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

>> NEVER MIND, THEN.

>> OKAY, FINE.

YOU PULLED IT OUT OF ME.

MM.

DO YOU WANT TO TAKE CONTROL OF

YOUR LIFE?

>> MM-HMM.

>> STRONG GIRLS WILL -- OH!

AND YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHO

TRIED TO VOLUNTEER TO SPEAK.

JAZZ.

>> WHO?

>> JAZZ.

YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT.

>> OH. OH. REALLY?

>> YES.

>> JAZZ? I DON'T KNOW.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YAZ.

>> [ SIGHS ]

NOW, YOU KNOW THERE IS NO WAY

SHE CAN BE A ROLE MODEL FOR

ANYBODY.

PSSHT, MUSIC VIDEOS.

I MEAN, ANYBODY CAN BE IN A

MUSIC VIDEO, RIGHT?

I CAN BE IN A MUSIC VIDEO.

>> YES, YOU COULD.

>> IS SHE REALLY ALL OF THAT?

>> I MEAN...

I DON'T KNOW, MELANIE.

IF YOU'RE INTO THE WHOLE EXOTIC

HUGE ASS HUGE BOOBS, THINGS,

WHICH CLEARLY I'M NOT BECAUSE

I'M WITH YOU.

>> EXCUSE ME?

>> THAT DID NOT COME OUT RIGHT.

>> YEAH, OKAY.

WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU SEE IN HER,

DERWIN?

YOU DID SLEEP WITH HER.

>> YEAH, I SLEPT WITH HER, MEL,

BUT I SLEPT WITH TONS OF WOMEN.

NOT WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY.

DON'T -- NO. L-LOOK, OKAY?

I'M NOT INTO THAT GIRL.

FORGET ABOUT THAT GIRL.

YOU'RE MY WIFE, WHOM I LOVE,

OKAY?

YOU MAY NOT HAVE A HUGE ASS,

BUT YOU GOT A HUGE HEAD.

>> WHAT?!

>> HUGE HEAD FOR YOUR HUGE

BRAIN, MEL!

YOU KNOW I LIKE BRAIN...S.

TO GET BRAINS, LIKE...

JUST GET BACK TO THE

PRESENTATION.

PRESENTATION. >> OKAY, OKAY, FINE.

>> OKAY, OKAY, FINE.

>> YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME --

>> WHATEVER. UH...

JAZZ!

WHAT IS ALL THIS?!

>> RANCH SUNFLOWER SEEDS.

OOH, I SHOULD HAVE WENT

JALAPEÑOS, HUH?

>> MM, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE

CLASSIER.

>> [ CHUCKLES ] YOU SURE RIGHT.

>> I MEAN LOOK AT ALL THIS.

YEAH, UH, GRAPE DRINK,

NOW AND LATERS, PICKLES?

>> OOH, PICKLES!

>> SEE?

LOOK, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST ASK

THE CHEF TO BRING OUT A PLATE OF

SANDWICHES?

AND THERE'S SOME SPARKLING WATER

ABOVE THE FRIDGE.

JUST GRAB THAT.

>> MMM.

>> AH! [ SNAPS FINGERS ]

COME ON, TASHA!

>> MAKE ME A DOGGY BAG.

>> I GOT YOU. BYE.

GET ON MY NERVES.

GET ON MY NERVES. UGH.

UGH.

>> [ HUMMING ]

>> [ MUTTERING ]

>> DERWIN! WHAT'S UP, BABY?

HOW YOU BEEN?

>> I'M GOOD.

YOU KNOW, JUST MARRIED.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

BOY, YOU CRAZY.

DO ME A FAVOR, THOUGH.

HELP ME BALANCE THIS STEP LADDER

SO I DON'T FALL, 'CAUSE YOU KNOW

I'LL SUE YOU IF I FALL.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> GIRL, GET OUT OF HERE.

>> NO. FOR REAL.

I WILL SUE YOU, SO COME ON.

PLEASE, HELP.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]

>> UH, YOU GOT GOOD BALANCE.

UH, SHE -- [ CHUCKLES ]

SHE, UM...

HUH?

[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> NOT NOW. NOT NOW.

>> HEY MAN.

>> ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU DON'T

LIKE WOMEN?

>> MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE PARENTING SKILLS ARE

REALLY MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE,

JUVON.

YOU CAN'T FIND LITTLE DUDE NO

BABYSITTER?

>> WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN?

THIS IS FATHER-SON TIME.

THIS IS -- IS AN IMPORTANT

CHILD-DEVELOPMENT TIME.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU DON'T GET IT, 'CAUSE YOU

DON'T HAVE KIDS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, LIL' ORENTHAL?

>> Y'ALL DISGUSTING.

BOTH OF YOU.

YO.

MY ROLEX IS MISSING.

YOU SEEN MY ROLEX?

>> NAH, I AIN'T SEEN YOUR ROLEX.

WHAT -- WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU

DOING, MAN?

DUDE.

GEH! STOP! THAT TICKLES! STOP!

>> JUST RELAX, OKAY?

IT'LL BE OVER IN A SECOND.

>> WHY YOU AIN'T CHECKING THEM?

>> BECAUSE THEY AIN'T GOT NO

CLOTHES ON, JUVON.

>> COME HERE.

>> HEY, HEY, HEY!

DON'T TOUCH MY BOY.

IF ANYBODY GONNA SEARCH HIM,

IT'S GONNA BE ME.

>> WELL, SEARCH HIS ASS.

>> ASSUME THE POSITION, SON.

THERE, UGH.

HE'S CLEAN.

WELL, SORTA.

I'MMA HAVE TO CHANGE HIM,

'CAUSE THIS HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT

SCARES MY CHILD.

>> MAN, Y'ALL GET OUT OF MY

HOUSE.

HOUSE. ALL Y'ALL, GET OUT!

ALL Y'ALL, GET OUT!

>> [ Singsong voice ] MALIK.

SO, I FINISHED ALL THOSE ERRANDS

YOU NEEDED ME TO RUN, BUT I

COULDN'T FIND MOST OF THE PLACES

YOU WANTED ME TO GO AND I LEFT

YOUR CLEANING AT THE HOUSE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, SHEILA?

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THIS HOUSE,

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S MY NEW

CONTRACT, BUT I AM REALLY

STARTING TO SEE THAT I CAN'T

TRUST ANYBODY.

EVERYBODY AROUND ME WANTS

SOMETHING FROM ME.

[ SCOFFS ]

I'M SURROUNDED BY TAKERS.

>> SO WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT

WATCHES.

HELL, I DON'T EVEN NEED A WATCH.

I CAN SEE THE TIME ON MY PHONE!

FOUND THAT ON THE ELEVATOR.

DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS A ROLEX

OR YOURS.

I GUESS YOU WANT YOUR TOILET

PAPER MONEY BACK, TOO, HUH?

>> GIRL, GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY

>> GIRL, GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY HOUSE.

HOUSE.

>> AND THIS IS A PICTURE OF ME

AFTER I GRADUATED FROM MEDICAL

SCHOOL.

AND THIS COULD BE YOU.

ENTER FACE HERE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

MY PARENTS WERE SO PROUD.

AND YOU KNOW YOU CAN MAKE YOUR

FAMILIES PROUD, TOO, IF YOU JUST

APPLY YOURSELVES.

>> MY FAMILY WAS MURDERED --

HARD.

>> OH, OKAY.

WELL, UM, WHY DON'T WE OPEN UP

THE FLOOR FOR A FEW QUESTIONS,

HUH?

UH, YOU, WITH THE...

GUN TATTOO ON YOUR NECK.

>> REAL QUICK, HOW MUCH THAT

iPAD COST?

>> OH.

>> UM...

WELL, I'M NOT REALLY SURE,

BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS IF YOU

WORK REALLY HARD, ONE DAY YOU'LL

BE ABLE TO AFFORD ONE OF YOUR

VERY OWN.

MM-HMM.

>> GIRL, PLEASE.

WORK HARD?

YOU MARRIED A FOOTBALL PLAYER.

>> OOH!

WAIT! I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR

THIS ANSWER.

GO AHEAD.

>> I-I-IT WASN'T A QUESTION.

YOU, YES.

>> UM, WHEN DO WE EAT?

>> [ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

UH, WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE JAZZ IS

ALMOST DONE PUTTING OUT THE

WATERCRESS SANDWICHES.

>> HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

ISN'T THAT THAT GIRL FROM THE

NE-YO VIDEO?

>> IT IS HER!

ARE YOU A REAL CHEER LEADER?

>> SWEETIE, IT'S CALLED ACTING.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

I HARDLY CALL THAT ACTING, JAZZ.

NOW IF I CAN JUST GET YOUR

ATTENTION, LADIES, WE CAN FINISH

UP AND YOU CAN HAVE SOME OF YOUR

WATERCRESS SANDWICHES.

>> HEY, HOW CAN I GET INTO THOSE

MUSIC VIDEOS?

>> IS THAT YOUR REAL BUTT?

>> MM-HMM.

>> OH, GIRL, YOU GOOD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> WAIT A MINUTE.

DON'T YOU GUYS WANT TO KNOW

ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT BEING A

DOCTOR?

>> HOW ARE YOU A REAL DOCTOR IF

YOU DON'T EVEN PRACTICE?

>> WELL...

>> OH, LOOK, Y'ALL.

RANCH SUNFLOWER SEEDS!

>> AND SANDWICHES!

THERE ARE SANDWICHES, TOO!

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> WH-- WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU

GOING?

>> UH, TO GET ONE OF YOUR LOVELY

WATER-CRESTED SANDWICHES.

GIRL, I CAN'T LIE.

YOU KNOW I'M GONNA GO GET SOME

SUNFLOWER SEEDS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> CAN YOU MAKE THIS OUT TO

LIL' SCHIZO, PLEASE?

>> OF COURSE, BABY GIRL.

>> JAZZ, CAN I HAVE A WORD WITH

YOU FOR A MOMENT?

YOU FOR A MOMENT? >> [ SIGHS ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE DOING?

>> [ SCOFFS ]

I BELIEVE IT'S CALLED STUNTIN'.

>> NO, WHAT IT'S CALLED IS

MISLEADING THESE GIRLS DOWN THE

WRONG PATH.

>> EXCUSE ME?

>> YEAH, TODAY WAS SUPPOSED TO

BE ABOUT UPLIFTING THESE GIRLS

AND SETTING AN EXAMPLE FOR THEM.

BUT INSTEAD, YOU HAVE THEM

RUNNING AROUND HERE THINKING

IT'S OKAY TO SLEEP WITH

EVERYONE AND SHAKE THEIR ASS IN

MUSIC VIDEOS.

[ Chuckling ] SLEEP AROUND?

WAIT, IS THIS ABOUT DERWIN?

IS HE STILL TALKING ABOUT ME?

THAT IS SO CUTE!

>> WHAT?! NO!

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH

DERWIN.

IT'S ABOUT YOU CONVINCING THESE

GIRLS THAT THERE'S SOME FUTURE

IN THEM OBJECTIFYING THEMSELVES.

>> WELL, THAT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE

IT SEEMS TO ME THAT MY FUTURE IS

ALMOST IDENTICAL TO YOURS.

YOUMARRIED A FOOTBALL PLAYER.

IMARRIED A FOOTBALL PLAYER.

YOU'REA SUNBEAM.

I'MA SUNBEAM.

AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, I'M

SITTING AT THE SAME TABLE AS

YOU.

ACTUALLY, NO, NOT TRUE.

I'M SITTING AT THE AUTOGRAPH

TABLE, UNLIKE YOU.

>> EXCUSE ME?

>> [ SCOFFS ]

AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A ROLE

MODEL?

YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FAKE-ASS,

INSECURE, WANNABE DOCTOR WHO

ENJOYS BRINGING DOWN OTHER WOMEN

TO BUILD YOURSELF UP.

AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

MY BACKGROUND MAY BE A LITTLE

SKANKY, BUT I'M A SKANK THAT

KEEPS IT 100.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

LIL' SCHIZO IS WAITING.

>> [ SCOFFS ]

>> OH-WHOA.

>> CAN YOU BELIEVE HER?

>> MM-HMM.

I LOVE IT.

THAT BROAD GOT HEART.

>> UH, WHA--?!

TASHA, HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?

>> OH, COME ON.

COME ON, MELANIE.

OKAY, NOW, YOU KNOW YOU HAD THAT

COMING.

YOU KNOW YOU DID, THE WAY YOU

BEEN TREATING HER!

YOU'RE LUCKY SHE DIDN'T WHUP

YOUR ASS A LONG TIME AGO.

HELL, IF SHE'D HAVE ASKED ME, I

PROBABLY WOULD HAVE HELPED HER,

TOO.

>> WHAT?!

TASHA, HOW COULD YOU DEFEND HER?

I MEAN, SHE FREAKING SLEPT HER

WAY INTO THE SUNBEAMS.

>> OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

DON'T MAKE ME REMIND YOU OF YOUR

FREAKY LITTLE TENDENCIES --

MRS. TREY WIGGS/HOP IN THE BED

WITH MALIK/JEROME.

>> WHA--? I --

>> [ STAMMERS MOCKINGLY ]

YOU AIN'T NOBODY'S SAINT, OKAY?

AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, WE

ALL GOT HERE THE SAME WAY --

EITHER GIVING UP THE COOCH OR

PUSHING SOMEBODY UP OUT THE

COOCH.

SO YOU JUST REMEMBER THAT NEXT

TIME YOU GO JUDGING SOMEBODY.

OOH, SOUR APPLE NOW AND LATERS.

OOH, SOUR APPLE NOW AND LATERS. HA!

HA!

>> LASAGNA?

DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE YOU

ONLY TAPPED YOUR BOOTY THREE

TIMES.

NOW, YOU KEEP THAT UP, I'M GONNA

SEND YOUR ASS BACK TO ATLANTA,

SEND YOUR ASS BACK TO ATLANTA, YOU HEAR ME?

YOU HEAR ME?

YOU HEAR ME? [ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ] [ GROANS ]

[ GROANS ]

[ GROANS ] [ GRUNTING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

>> Yo, this is T-squared.

Wings is the thing, and I got

the ones with the zing.

You want to find a cluck truck,

all you got to do is follow the

bright lights.

Peace and chicken wing grease.

[ Beep ]

>> DOG, WHAT KIND OF STUPID-ASS

MESSAGE IS THAT?

HUH? AND WHY YOU AIN'T REFILL MY

PILLS, TEE TEE?

WHY YOU ACTING LIKE A LITTLE

BABY, DOG?

YO, YOU OUGHT TO BE THANKING ME

THAT I HIT OLD GIRL FOR YOU.

I SMOKED HER OUT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SHE AIN'T NOTHING BUT A

LITTLE --

[ Beep ]

HELLO?

HELLO? [ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

[ Busy signal ]

[ Busy signal ] [ SIGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

>> WELL, I THINK TODAY WAS A

SUCCESS, RIGHT?

>> UH-HUH, WELL, SOMEBODY STOLE

$20 OUT OF MY PURSE.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> THAT ASIDE, YOU KNOW, NOT

ONLY DID THE GIRLS LEARN A LOT

FROM US, BUT THEY ALSO HELPED US

LEARN A LOT ABOUT OURSELVES.

>> MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

>> SO, NEXT UP ON THE AGENDA IS

KEEPING THAT SPARK IN YOUR

RELATIONSHIP SERIES.

>> OH, THAT'S THE PART.

>> OOH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YEP, AND, OF COURSE, WE NEED

SOME VOLUNTEERS.

>> [ SIGHS ]

WHAT ABOUT YOU JAZZ?

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

REALLY?

WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO,

REFRESHMENTS?

>> WELL, I WAS HOPING THAT MAYBE

YOU COULD TEACH US SOME OF THOSE

SEXY VIDEO MOVES.

YOU KNOW, FOR OUR MEN?

>> All: OHH!

>> YEAH!

>> THE CHEEK TSUNAMI?

>> MM-HMM.

>> YES!

>> Y'ALL SURE YOU WANT TO KNOW

THAT?

'CAUSE Y'ALL MEN WOULD NEVER

LEAVE YOU ALONE.

>> All: OOH!

>> I'M DOWN!

GIRL, LOOK.

IF IT'S ALL THAT, YOU NEED TO GO

AND GIVE US A SNEAK PEEK.

>> OH, OKAY.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

ALL RIGHT.

DO IT.

>> IT'S ALL IN THE KNEES AND THE

ANKLES.

>> HEY!

>> THEN TURN AROUND.

>> All: OHH!

MY PANTS ARE TOO TIGHT.

I AIN'T SHAKING RIGHT, BUT

MELANIE, YOU GOOD, SO COME ON.

>> ME?

>> YEAH!

>> SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE

SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE.

>> AAAH!

NO. NO. NO.

THAT'S A RIP TIDE.

THAT'S GONNA PULL YOU OVER AND

KILL YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> NO. DO IT!

DO IT, JAZZ!

>> SHAKE IT.

>> SHAKE THAT THING!

>> SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> OH, SO, ARE YOU SAYING I

DON'T HAVE A BUTT?

>> NO, JUST KEEP TRYING.

>> ♪ PUT THE TEA IN THE KETTLE

AND LIGHT IT ♪

♪ PUT YOUR HAND ON THE METAL AND

FEEL IT ♪

[ SIREN WAILS ]

♪ DO YOU EVEN FEEL IT ANYMORE?

>> ♪ I REMEMBER WHEN YOU THOUGHT

I WAS JOKING ♪

♪ NOW I'M ALL SINGING KARAOKE

♪ FURTHER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN

[ POLICE RADIO CHATTER ]

>> GET BACK IN THE CAR!

PUT YOUR HANDS OUTSIDE THE

WINDOW WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.

>> YO, HOMEY.

I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND PUNK-ASS

TEE TEE'S WING TRUCK, MAN.

ALL RIGHT?

IT'S PROBABLY DOWN BY THE

STADIUM, SO CALM YOUR LITTLE ASS

DOWN, OKAY?

>> [ Sternly ] TEE TEE'S WING

TRUCK IS DOWN BY THE FIREWORKS

SHOW, SIR.

NOW GET BACK IN THE CAR, PLEASE.

HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKIN' TONIGHT?

>> DOG, I'M

MALIK EL DeBARGE WRIGHT, OKAY?

>> I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO HAVE YOU DO A

BREATHALYZER FOR ME.

>> A BREATHA-WHAT?

NAH, HOMEY. [ CHUCKLES ]

I LIKE GIRLS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING

TO PULL, BUT I AIN'T WITH IT.

THAT AIN'T ME.

>> [ GRUNTS ]

>> HEY, YO!

YO! BACK UP OFF ME, MAN!

>> [ GRUNTS ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]

>> AAAAH!

OHH!

[ GRUNTS ]

OH, MAN!

>> ♪ I'M STILL JUST YOUNG AND

UNLUCKY I'M SURPRISED

YOU COULDN'T TELL ♪

♪ I WAS ONLY TRYING TO GET

♪ I WAS ONLY TRYING TO GET AHEAD ♪

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