Original subtitles

>> HEY.

HEY!

OH, HEY, GIRL.

LOOKING GOOD.

UM, LIKE THAT HAIR.

ALL RIGHT? MWAH!

>> YOU'RE HURTING MY FEELINGS,

TASHA.

>> OH, LORD.

GYAH!

>> I'M A PEPPER-SPRAY DIET,

HOOD RAT!

>> OH, LORD!

OH, THIS AIN'T NO WAY TO LIVE.

>> I AM SO, SO SORRY.

>> GIRL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS

THINKING, INTERFERING WITH A

STRONG, INTELLIGENT, BEAUTIFUL

WHITE WOMAN.

AND THE LOVE THAT SHE FOUND WITH

HER LIGHT-SKINNEDED BLACK MAN.

GIRL, I -- I GUESS IT WAS JUST

ANOTHER CASE OF A BLACK WOMAN

HATING ON A WHITE WOMAN.

A TALE AS OLD AS TIME.

AND I SINCERELY -- I SINCERELY

APOLOGIZE.

>> WELL, YOUR PEOPLE ARE VERY

EMOTIONAL.

BUT I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY

ANYWAY.

GUYS, YOU GOT THAT?

>> CATFIGHT WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY

BETTER.

>> WELL, I AM GLAD WE'RE BACK.

>> ME TOO!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS

ON CAMERA.

>> OH, PLEASE.

BETTER HERE THAN MARKET AND 4th.

>> RIGHT?

'CAUSE I PROBABLY WOULD'VE BEAT

YOUR ASS.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> AND THEN I WOULD HAVE SHOT

YOU.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> I AIN'T LAUGHING.

>> THANK YOU.

GIRL, WAIT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR OUTFIT COST

MORE THAN MINE.

>> I KNOW.

YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE

MONEY.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

>> KELLY, WHAT ARE THEY DOING

HERE?

I TOLD YOU, I'M HAVING A CRISIS.

>> WHEN ARE YOU NOT?

>> UH, YEAH, BUT THIS IS THE

CRISIS OF ALL CRISISES.

>> SORRY, EDGAR.

I NEED YOU TO CUT.

>> WISH I COULD, LOVE.

DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FILM ON YOU

THIS WEEK.

MY ASS IS ON THE LINE.

>> ALL RIGHT, PLAN "B" -- THE

NETWORK WON'T LET THEM SHOOT

WITH OUR BOOBS OUT, SO...

>> OH, GOD.

WHATEVER IT TAKES.

>> OH, PLEASE, Y'ALL DONE FELL

AND BUMPED YOUR HEAD THINKIN'

I'M --

>> YOU'VE DONE IT FOR LESS.

>> WHO YOU BEEN TALKING TO?

>> OH, HELL.

>> UH, BUH-BYE, GUYS.

>> OKAY. UH...

THANKS.

RIGHT, WE'RE OUTSIDE.

>> OKAY.

SO WHAT'S WHAT?

>> WELL, YOU KNOW HOW I TOLD

DERWIN D.J. IS NOT HIS?

WELL, THE TEST WAS WRONG.

HE IS.

>> OH, HELL.

>> TROUBLING.

>> OH, GOD.

>> DERWIN'S GONNA LEAVE ME,

ISN'T HE?

>> I THINK THAT PRETTY MUCH GOES

WITHOUT SAYING.

>> DAMN.

I TOOK MY SHIRT OFF FOR THIS?

>> COME ON, GUYS.

IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS SINCE I GOT

THE RESULTS.

I NEED ADVICE.

I NEED YOU TO EXHALE!

I NEED YOU TO HELP ME GET MY

GROOVE BACK.

>> GET YOUR GROOVE BACK?

GIRL, IT'S 2:00 A.M.

BEEP BEEP!

PARTY IS OVER.

[ BOTH LAUGH, GLASSES CLINK ]

>> KELLY, HELP ME.

>> OKAY, REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD

YOU YOU SHOULDN'T DO YOUR

RESIDENCY?

>> MM-HMM.

>> YEAH, I DON'T HAVE ALL THE

ANSWERS.

>> OKAY, LOOK.

I WISH I COULD GIVE YOU SOME

WIND-BENEATH-YOUR-WINGS ADVICE,

BUT RIGHT NOW, THIS IS SOME

EGREGIOUS MESS, OKAY?

SO YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO HOLD

THEM AND WHEN TO FOLD THEM.

>> YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO WALK

AWAY, AND YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN

TO RUN.

>> OH.

I MISSED YOU.

>> I MISSED YOU, TOO.

TWO YEARS WAS TOO LONG.

>> I KNOW.

I KNOW.

>> DAMN IT!

I HATE YOU GIRLS.

>> OH, IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.

LOOK AT MELANIE.

SHE OVER THERE CRYING ABOUT HER

PROBLEMS, US LAUGHING AT HER.

>> HA! WE ARE BACK.

>> OHH!LIK?

LIKE, I REALLY LOVED D.J., MAN.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> YO, IT'S NOT FUNNY, MY DUDE.

>> I KNOW IT'S NOT FUNNY, DAWG.

I'M JUST LAUGHING AT THE FACT

THAT YOU NAMED THE BOY

DERWIN JR.

DAWG, WHAT YOU GONNA NAME YOUR

REAL SON, HUH?

"REAL DERWIN JR."?

"COME HERE, LITTLE R.D.J.!"

>> DIDN'T YOU JUST MEET YOUR

FATHER?

>> TOO SOON, HOMEY.

>> HEY, COUNTRY MOUSE,

GHETTO MOUSE, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

>> WHAT'S UP, PIG?

>> WHAT'S UP, JAY.

>> YO, MAN, GUESS WHAT DID JANAY

DID --

>> YEAH, SO I JUST SWUNG BY TO

PICK UP A FEW ODDS AND ENDS

BECAUSE THE SABERS SURPRISED ME

TODAY WITH THE OFFICIAL BOOT.

>> WHAT?

NO, THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE NEXT

WEEK, RIGHT?

>> NO, THE E-MAIL SAID TODAY.

>> WHAT'S TODAY?

>> WAIT.

SO YOU GUYS KNEW ABOUT IT?

>> NO.

>> WOW, NO.

NO BIG DEAL.

I'M JUST NOT ON THE TEAM

ANYMORE.

PUBLICISTS ARE DRAFTING THE

STANDARD EXIT STATEMENT AS WE

SPEAK.

>> THAT'S WACK, MAN.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD OUT

THERE, HOW MANY BATTLES WE WON?

>> YEAH, SABER BLUE LEAVES THEM

BLEEDING RED, BUT WHAT ARE YOU

GONNA DO, RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

SABERS FOR LIFE, Y'ALL.

>> WELL, CHECK IT -- DON'T WORRY

ABOUT THE TEAM, MAN.

WITH ME ON THE RIGHT, SENECA

STEPPING UP ON THE LEFT, MAN, WE

ARE GOING TO BE UNSTOPPABLE.

>> MM!

>> BUT YOU SURE YOU GONNA BE

GOOD, THOUGH?

>> GOOD? [ SCOFFS ]

I'M GONNA BE GREAT, YOUNG SIR.

I SNAGGED ME A PERMANENT HOSTING

SPOT ON "BENCHED" AFTER ONE

GUEST APPEARANCE.

>> OOH.

>> YEAH, YEAH.

TELL YOUR ILLEGITIMATE BABY I'M

THAT GOOD.

HEY-O!

>> ALL RIGHT, DAWG.

HEY, MAKE SURE YOU INCLUDE ME ON

THAT HIGHLIGHT REEL, NOW, ALL

RIGHT?

>> OH, TRUST ME, TRUST ME.

I'M NOT GONNA FORGET ANY OF YOU

GUYS.

SABERS FOR LIFE!

>> SABERS FOR LIFE, BABY!

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> THE SABERS ARE GOING UP IN

FLAMES, AND I WOULDN'T WALK

ACROSS THE STREET TO SPIT ON

THEM.

>> NOW, COME ON, JASON, YOU KNOW

IF THE SABERS DIDN'T DROP YOU,

YOU WOULD BE SINGING THEIR

PRAISES RIGHT NOW.

>> NO, HEY, MAN, LOOK -- ON THE

TEAM OR NOT, YOU CAN'T DENY THE

FACTS THE COACHES CAN'T FILL THE

HOLES IN THE DEFENSE, AND

DERWIN DAVIS -- MAJOR PROBLEM.

DERWIN DAVIS?

NIKE'S BOON?

HE'S THE BEST PLAYER THEY HAVE,

THE BEST ASSET, HANDS DOWN.

>> YEAH, EXACTLY, CHRIS.

AND WHEN HE COLLAPSES, SO GO THE

SABERS.

HOW LONG BEFORE THE OTHER TEAMS

FIGURE OUT THAT EVER SINCE HE

BUSTED HIS KNEE, HE BREAKS LEFT

70% OF THE TIME TO PROTECT IT?

>> IF YOU COULD JUST INITIAL

HERE, HERE, HERE, AND HERE,

WE'LL HAVE DERWIN'S DEATH

WARRANT OFFICIALLY SIGNED,

SEALED, AND DELIVERED.

>> NO, LOOK, MAN, NO, NO.

HE'LL BE FINE.

HE'LL BE FINE ONCE HE PRAYS

ON IT.

DUDE PRAYS ON EVERYTHING TO HIS

"GOD."

>> OOH, YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT

THE SEX PARTIES?

>> I THINK I DO.

DON'T WE WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT?

YES, WE DO.

>> YEAH, UM, THEY ARE FILTHY.

>> MM-HMM.

>> YOU EVER BEEN TO THAILAND?

LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.

HE'S LUCKY THAT THERE ARE PILLS

FOR MOST OF THE DISEASES HE CAN

CATCH.

>> WHOA, WHOA!

THIS IS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE.

I CAN'T BE A PART OF THIS.

>> I KNOW! ISN'T IT GREAT?

>> HEY-O!

>> HEY-O!

>> HEY, WOMAN.

>> HEY, YOU.

>> I SEE YOU FIXED THE HOLE IN

THE WALL.

>> YEAH, I WAS IN A FIX-IT KIND

OF MOOD TODAY.

UM...

DERWIN, WE NEED TO TALK.

I REALLY HAVE SOMETHING --

>> OKAY, BUT, LOOK, MEL, BEFORE

YOU GET STARTED...

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING

ALL MY ANGER OUT ON YOU.

AND THE WALL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH.

YOU KNOW, AND...

IT'S REALLY JANAY -- IT'S REALLY

JANAY WHO I'M PISSED OFF AT.

GOD, THAT GIRL IS A PIECE OF

WORK.

LIKE, SHE STOOD THERE AND ACTED

LIKE SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS

TALKING ABOUT WHEN I MENTIONED

D.J. AND THE MATERNITY.

BUT SHE KNEW!

SOMETIMES WOMEN, WE, UM...

OH, I MEAN, "PEOPLE" --

I MEAN, "ANYBODY" --

I MEAN, "EVERYBODY" HAS THEIR

MOMENTS, YOU KNOW, WHERE THEY

LOSE THEIR WAY AND --

>> WHAT?

GIRL, LOSE THEIR WAY?

UNH-UNH.

SHE LIED TO ME ABOUT HAVING MY

SON.

NOW, THAT IS UNFORGIVABLE.

>> WOW.

UNFORGIVABLE -- THAT'S HARSH.

>> HE'S SO CUTE.

YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?

BUT IT'S OKAY.

'CAUSE THAT'S NOT WHO YOU ARE.

IT'S NOT IN YOUR DNA TO BE LYING

AND DECEITFUL.

ALL RIGHT?

MY BABY'S ONE OF THE GOOD ONES.

>> WELL, DERWIN, I TRY TO BE ONE

OF THE GOOD ONES.

YOU KNOW, BUT SOMETIMES I GET IN

MY OWN WAY.

LIKE THE WALL GOT IN THE WAY OF

YOUR FIST AND MADE THAT HOLE.

YOU KNOW?

BUT SEE? SEE?

THE HOLE IS GONE.

AND IN SOME WAYS, WHERE THAT

HOLE ONCE WAS, IS A BEAUTIFUL

REMINDER OF AN OBSTACLE THAT WE

ONCE GOT THROUGH.

>> HUH?

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

>> [ GASPS ]

OH, MY GOD.

>> NO, NO, BABE, DON'T TRIP.

LET ME HANDLE THIS.

>> DERWIN, I'VE BEEN TOO SCARED

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH THAT THE

TEST WAS WRONG!

D.J. IS YOUR SON.

HE'S YOUR SON.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

I AM SO SORRY.

I'M SORRY, DERWIN.

>> WHAT'D YOU SAY?

>> REMEMBER THE HOLE, DERWIN.

REMEMBER THE HOLE.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL HOLE.

>> THE HOLE.

THIS HOLE?

>> IT'S OKAY!

IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.

I CAN FIX IT.

I CAN FIX IT.

So DJ IS MY SON?!

>> YES.

>> NO, NO, MELANIE.

IT'S GOT TO BE SOME KIND OF

JOKE, BECAUSE YOU WOULD NOT DO

SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO ME!

>> I KNOW, DERWIN.

THE FIRST TIME I GOT THE

RESULTS, THEY --

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

IT'S GLASS!

WE KNOW YOU'RE THERE!

>> DERWIN, BEFORE YOU LET HER

IN, LET ME EXPLAIN.

>> GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.

COME IN.

>> OH, HOW KIND.

HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING

ANYTHING.

>> UH, WE GOT TO TALK, JANAY.

THERE'S BEEN SOME KIND OF

MISTAKE.

>> A MISTAKE?

DERWIN, I CAN'T EVEN COUNT THE

NUMBER OF MISTAKES BETWEEN THE

THREE OF US.

BUT AT LEAST WE GOT ONE RIGHT.

HERE YOU GO -- IT'S

DNA CONFIRMATION ON D.J., AND

AS FAR AS VISITATION GOES, SEE

YOU IN COURT.

>> WE DON'T NEED TO GO TO COURT!

>> UNH-UNH!

ONE OF US NEEDS TO PROTECT HIM.

SO I CAN'T JUST HAVE YOU POPPING

OVER TO DENY YOUR SON WHENEVER

YOU WANT.

WE NEED STRUCTURE, WHICH

INCLUDES CHILD SUPPORT.

YEAH, THAT 10 GRAND EVERY NOW

AND AGAIN, IT'S NOT GONNA CUT IT

ANYMORE.

>> JANAY, CAN'T WE JUST SIT AND

TALK ABOUT THIS?

>> NO, MELANIE, WE CAN'T.

SORRY.

BUT I DO LIKE YOUR DECOR.

IT'S REALLY NICE IN HERE.

JUST TOO BAD WHEN I'M DONE WITH

THE TWO OF YOU, YOU'RE PROBABLY

GONNA NEED TO SCALE BACK A BIT.

DEUCES.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

>> SO, WHAT WAS YOUR PLAN,

MELANIE, HUH?

DID YOU NOT THINK, MELANIE, THAT

SHE WOULD GET PROOF THAT YOU

WERE LYING?!

ARE YOU THAT FAR GONE?!

>> DERWIN, IT WASN'T A LIE!

THE LAB MADE A MISTAKE.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL

YOU, JUST LIKE YOU MADE A

MISTAKE WITH THE WALL.

>> MELANIE, BRING UP THE WALL

AGAIN, I SWEAR TO GOD...

I DENIED MY SON LISTENING TO

YOU.

MY SON!

UNH-UNH, NO.

DON'T EVEN START WITH THE TEARS.

WHAT ARE YOU EVEN CRYING ABOUT?!

YOU DID THIS!

YOU DID ALL OF THIS!

>> I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.

>> SO DON'T ACT LIKE THOSE TEARS

ARE FOR ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF.

>> I JUST WANT TO FIX THIS.

>> MELANIE, YOU CAN'T!

YOU'RE THE PROBLEM!

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE VERY GOOD AT

WHAT YOU DO.

>> THANK YOU.

>> PIG, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

>> WHAT'S HAPPENING, PIG?

HUH?

MALIK, WHAT ARE YO--

ARE THESE CONDOMS?

>> YES.

>> THIS IS A PLACE OF BUSINESS,

MAN.

WILL YOU EXCUSE US, SEXY?

PICK OUT THE ONES YOU LIKE.

>> COME ON!

>> DAWG, EVERYWHERE I'VE GONE

TODAY, PEOPLE ARE THROWING THOSE

AT ME, SAYING, "WRAP IT UP,

MALIK.

SAFE SEX IS THE BEST SEX," AND,

OH, MY FAVORITE -- "DON'T GET

AIDS, STUPID."

>> IT'S ALL SOUND ADVICE.

>> DAWG, I ALWAYS ROCK A CONDOM.

HELL, IF THEY HAD THEM FOR MY

HANDS, I'D ROCK THOSE, TOO.

>> THEY DO.

THEY'RE CALLED GLOVES.

>> SHUT UP!

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO SUE YOU

OR KICK YOUR TEETH IN.

>> OH, COME ON!

I SAID SOME STUFF FOR

ENTERTAINMENT.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

IT'S SHOW BIZ, IT'S SHOCK VALUE.

IT'S WHAT WE DO.

IT'S LIKE WHEN WE'RE ON THE

FIELD -- WE GIVE EACH OTHER GOOD

HITS.

IT'S ALL LOVE.

>> NO, DAWG, YOU SHOULD HAVE

WARNED ME ON THIS ONE.

>> OH.

I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU THE

HEADS-UP LIKE YOU AND

DING-DONG GAVE ME A HEADS-UP

ABOUT THE SABERS WERE LETTING ME

GO?

>> Both: OH!

>> THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL

ABOUT.

>> YES, THAT'S WHAT THIS IS

ABOUT!

MAN, I GAVE EVERYTHING TO THIS

CITY!

I GAVE MY BLOOD, MY SWEAT, MY

TEARS.

I GAVE THEM THE PITTSY SHUFFLE.

>> THE WHAT?

>> THE PITTS-- THE DIP AND --

IT WAS A DANCE CRAZE THAT SWEPT

THE NATION, MAN.

COME ON.

LOOK, I GAVE THEM ALL THAT, AND

FOR WHAT?

NO PARADE, NO PARTY.

JUST SOME BAD KNEES AND A "STAY

UP, PITTS."

>> HAD NO IDEA WE HURT YOU, MAN.

>> YES, YOU HURT ME.

ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC?

>> HELL, YEAH.

I'M BEING SARCASTIC.

LOOK, YOU DID YOUR JOB, JASON.

YOU GOT YOUR TROPHIES, YOUR

CHEERS, AND YOU MADE MILLIONS

DOING IT.

YEAH, YOU GOT A BUSTED KNEE AND

A CONCUSSION, BUT YOU KNEW THAT

GOING IN, DAWG.

YOU ARE ONE OF THE FEW THAT

ACTUALLY MADE IT IN THE

BUILDING, SO I DON'T FEEL SORRY

FOR YOU.

>> WELL, I DO LOVE MY MILLIONS.

>> REALLY?

THAT'S ALL YOU GOT TO SAY?

>> HEY, EXCUSE ME.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON, KICK-FACE?

>> WHAT'S UP, DUDE?

HEY, I NEED YOUR EAR FOR A

MINUTE.

>> LISTEN, DING-DONG, I'M SORRY.

FROM NOW ON, I'M KEEPING ALL MY

ON-AIR BANTER ABOUT YOU GUYS

STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL.

>> WHAT?

>> HUH?

>> NO, NO!

D.J.'s MINE.

>> OH. CONGRATULATIONS!

YOUR SON IS YOUR SON.

>> YEAH, BUT YOU'RE MISSING THE

POINT, ASHY KNUCKLES.

MELANIE LIED TO ME AND TOLD ME

HE WASN'T.

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

>> YEAH, EXACTLY.

YO, WE ARE SO DONE.

>> YEAH, YOU ARE.

ALL RIGHT, DIVORCE ATTORNEY --

MORRIS SMALL, GUCCI LOAFERS --

WRITE THIS DOWN.

MY FINANCIAL ADVISER,

CONNIE RICHMOND -- HOUDINI.

LIKE, WHAT $16 MILLION IN AN

OFFSHORE ACCOUNT, KELLY?

STRAIGHT FACE.

>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS NOW.

SO SHE LIED TO YOU, KNOWING THAT

YOU WOULD FIND OUT THE TRUTH.

SOMEBODY DIDN'T CLEAN THEIR

CHINS, 'CAUSE THIS DON'T SMELL

RIGHT.

>> WHAT IS THERE TO SMELL?

THE MAN GAVE HER THE BEST YEAR

AND A HALF OF HIS LIFE.

LOOK, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN

IT, DON'T WASTE ANOTHER MINUTE.

I READ THAT ON A BUMPER STICKER.

>> DAWG, YOU GONNA DIVORCE A

GIRL FOR TELLING HER THE TRUTH?

>> NO, NO, NO.

THE ONLY REASON WHY SHE WAS

GONNA SAY SOMETHING IS 'CAUSE

JANAY WAS ABOUT TO BUST HER.

>> MORRIS IS GONNA HAVE A FIELD

DAY WITH THIS, MAN.

SHE'S GONNA END UP OWING YOU

MONEY.

>> DON'T LISTEN TO THIS JACKASS.

HE JUST WANTS YOU TO BE

MISERABLE BECAUSE HE IS.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

HE'S RIGHT.

JUST LAST NIGHT, I WAS FORCED TO

HAVE A THREESOME WITH A BLOND

AND AN ASIAN.

OH, LORD, WHY ME?

SARCASM. HI. HOW YOU DOING?

>> DAMN IT! COME ON, YOU TWO!

COME ON, MAN, SERIOUSLY!

MELANIE SWABBED MY SON AND THEN

LIED ABOUT IT!

WHO DOES THAT?

>> NEGRO, YOU A PROFESSIONAL

FOOTBALL PLAYER.

YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD THAT BOY

TESTED YEARS AGO, MAN.

HELL, I GET KIDS TESTED ALL THE

TIME, DAWG.

YOU COULD'VE USED MY ACCOUNT.

>> OH, SO WE TRYING TO SAY THIS

IS ON ME?

PLEASE, MALIK, TELL ME YOU'RE

NOT GONNA STAND THERE AND DEFEND

HER.

>> I'M NOT DEFENDING HER.

I'M JUST POINTING OUT HOW STUPID

YOUR ASS IS FOR NOT PROVING TO

YOUR WIFE THAT YOUR ILLEGITIMATE

CHILD IS ACTUALLY YOURS.

>> AND WHILE WE'RE POINTING

THINGS OUT, LISTEN TO THIS.

MELANIE LYING ABOUT THIS

DAUGHTER OF YOURS --

>> SON.

>> WHATEVER.

IT'S YOUR TICKET OUT, DARREN.

>> DERWIN.

>> WHATEVER! I'M OUT OF HERE.

YOU GUYS ARE NERDS.

DANIELLE, VAMANOS.

>> DAMN.

YO, DOES SHE HAVE A SISTER?

>> ACTUALLY, YEAH, COME ON.

[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> * PUT YOUR HANDS UP

* BABY, STAND UP

* LET ME PUT SOME CHAMPAGNE IN

YOUR DAMN CUP *

>> YO! HEY, WHAT'S UP, WHAT'S

UP, WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY?

HOW YOU DOING?

NOW, DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT

WE'RE HERE FOR A "WELCOME TO

'BENCHED'" PARTY FOR OUR MAN

JASON PITTS?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THAT'S RIGHT, GIVE IT UP.

'CAUSE, HONESTLY, WE WERE ONLY

EXPECTING ABOUT SIX OR SEVEN

PEOPLE, AND THAT'S INCLUDING HIS

MOMS, WHO IN THE BACK SERVING

DRINKS.

>> HEY, HEY.

>> MAKE SURE YOU TIP HER REAL

GOOD IN THE BACK, NOW.

NO, SERIOUSLY, YOU REALLY LOVE

THIS GUY THAT MUCH?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

Y'ALL REALLY LOVE HIM?

>> THANK YOU.

LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR THE

MULTI-TALENTED

MR. CHRISTOPHER WEBBER.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YES, YES.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT

THIS MAN, OKAY?

HE IS ENORMOUS.

SERIOUSLY, LOOK AT HIM.

THAT'S -- THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

I'M NOT A SMALL DUDE, OKAY?

AND HE'S -- IT'S FREAKISH.

ANYWAY, I'D LIKE TO TAKE TIME TO

RECOGNIZE A SHOW THAT RECOGNIZED

MY GREAT TALENT.

OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT

"BENCHED," SO GIVE IT UP.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> YES, SIR!

>> AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, I'D

LIKE TO THANK YOU -- YOU, THE

FANS, YOU, THE PEOPLE, THAT HAVE

MADE ME SO VERY RICH.

HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS REMEMBER A

LITTLE DITTY CALLED

"THE DIP AND PITTS," A.K.A. THE

PITTSY SHUFFLE?

SURE YOU REMEMBER.

COME ON, NOW.

YES, FIRST YOU DO --

>> JASON, LET'S JUST CHILL AND

PARTY TONIGHT.

>> OH, OH, OH, I'M GETTING TO

THAT.

I'M GETTING TO THAT, BUDDY.

AS A VERY SPECIAL SURPRISE

TREAT, I HAVE DECIDED TO

PREMIERE MY CLASSIC JAM, MADE

NEW.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ARE YOU

READY FOR

"THE DIP AND PITTS 2011"?!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> WAIT, YO, JASON.

>> CAN I GET A "HEY-O"?

>> All: HEY-O!

>> IT'S REALLY NOT A GOOD TIME

RIGHT --

>> WEBBY, HEY, MAKE LIKE AN

EMERGENCY BRAKE AND PULL UP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ALL RIGHT.

HOPE YOU GUYS ARE, UH...

READY TO MOVE.

DEEJAY!

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

YES, YES.

YES, YES!

* IT'S THE D-AND-P, YEAH

* BACK WHERE IT'S SUPPOSED TO

BE, YEAH *

* I'M ABOUT TO TAKE THEM

BIG-TIME *

* NO HUDDLE NECESSARY

* HUT-HUT, BABY, WHAT?!

* EVERY SUNDAY HIT THE FIELD

>> * RUN, RUN, RUN

>> * IT'S TOUCHDOWN TIME

* YOU KNOW THE DEAL

>> * FUN, FUN, FUN

>> * UP IN THE CLUB AND IT'S

TIME TO FLAUNT *

>> * DANCE, DANCE, DANCE

* ALYSSA MILANO KNOWS WHO'S THE

BOSS IN MY *

>> * PANTS, PANTS, PANTS

>> * YEAH, HOW DO I DO IT?

* I'LL WALK YOU THROUGH IT

* JUST LIKE THIS

* AND DIP

* AND DIP

* AND DIP IT, DIP IT, DIP

* AND PITTS AND PITTS

* AND PITTS AND PITTS AND

PITTS *

EVERYBODY NOW!

* DIP AND PITTS

* AND DIP AND PITTS AND DIP

* AND PITTS AND DIP

* AND PITTS AND DIP AND PITTS

* DIP AND PITTS

* AND DIP AND PITTS AND DIP

* AND PITTS AND DIP

* AND PITTS AND DIP AND PITTS

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

>> COME ON, DIP AND PITTS!

DIP AND PITTS, PEOPLE.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE.

I'M WALKING YOU THROUGH IT.

1, 2, READY, GO.

[ MUSIC STOPS ]

NO, DON'T SHUT THE MUSIC OFF.

WE'RE JUST GETTING READY TO HAVE

SOME FUN.

OKAY, GONNA...

NO?

SORRY.

>> HEY, HOLD UP, JASON.

HOLD UP.

>> YEAH, YEAH.

>> YOU FORGOT YOUR CD.

>> YEAH.

OH, NO, ACTUALLY, I WAS GONNA

PASS THESE OUT AS AN ENCORE.

BUT -- NO?

OKAY.

I BROUGHT THE CITY A

CHAMPIONSHIP.

HEY-O.

>> THAT'S RIGHT, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, GIVE IT UP FOR THE

TALENTED MR. PITTS.

PLEASE, PLEASE.

[ LIGHT APPLAUSE ]

THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.

UH, WE HAVE TICKETS IN THE BACK.

HE'LL BE OPENING UP FOR

M.C. HAMMER NEXT WEEK.

WE'LL LET YOU KNOW.

HEY, WE'RE NOT GONNA LET THIS

SLOW US DOWN.

DEEJAY, GET THIS PARTY STARTED

AGAIN!

>> * PUT YOUR HANDS UP

* PUT YOUR, PUT YOUR HANDS UP

* PUT YOUR HANDS UP

* PUT YOUR, PUT YOUR HANDS UP

>> HEY.

>> HEY.

>> UM...

DERWIN, I'M GONNA STAY WITH

KELLY FOR A FEW DAYS.

I'M NOT BAILING OUT ON OUR

MARRIAGE.

JUST, UM...

I REALLY MESSED UP, AND I WANT

TO GIVE YOU SOME SPACE.

YEAH.

>> MELANIE, WAIT.

HOLD ON A SECOND.

I HAVE PRAYED ALL DAY, ASKING

GOD FOR SOME ANSWERS.

I HAVE PRAYED ON OUR MARRIAGE, I

HAVE PRAYED ON OUR FUTURE.

MELANIE, I HAVE PRAYED HARDER

THAN I'VE PRAYED ON ANYTHING,

OKAY?

I GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY,

MELANIE, IS, IF THIS IS GONNA

WORK BETWEEN US, YOU'RE GONNA

HAVE TO START DOING SOME THINGS

MY WAY FROM NOW ON.

AND THAT MEANS I DON'T WANT TO

HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT JANAY OR

D.J.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

YOU DON'T BRING THEIR NAMES UP

TO ME.

THEY'RE MY BUSINESS, NOT YOURS.

AND YOU GOT TO GO TO CHURCH,

EVERY SUNDAY, FRONT AND CENTER,

THE BOTH OF US.

IF I'M NOT THERE, YOU'RE GONNA

BE THERE.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

>> [ SIGHS ]

YES.

ABSOLUTELY.

ARE WE GONNA BE OKAY?

>> ALL I KNOW IS I'M HERE RIGHT

NOW.

>> [ SIGHS ]

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