Original subtitles

(knocking at door)

Uh... just a minute.

Tasha... I thought you were my breakfast.

Well, open wide, Chauncey--

I'll shove something down your throat.

You okay, Tasha?

Can I get you something to drink?

Juice, soda, antipsychotic?

Look, Chauncey, I'm not crazy, all right?

And so not crazy that I had me a Laker.

Oh, yeah.

Finest man in the NBA.

And then I lost him.

So now I've been searching and searching,

trying to figure out why I can't hold on to him

or any other man, for that matter.

Well, maybe they all hated charming women.

(chuckles)

Because you're...

(clears throat)

It was brought to my attention, though,

by the hos that I call my friends

that my failing relationships

may have something to do with you.

And that I need

an emotional cleansing to exercise my demons.

Exorcise. What?

You said "exercise."

The word is "exorcise, exorcise." Okay, look!

Don't tell me what the hell

I need to do with my demons, Chauncey.

You know what? See, that's your problem right there.

You know, you always thought you were smarter than me,

better than me, but you ain't.

You know what you is... is a punk-ass, Chauncey.

You know, Tasha, I'm... (stammers)

Zip it.

Damn it.

Chauncey, you ruined high school for me.

Do you think that girls that are breast-feeding

get asked to prom?

Well, three is a crowd.

Okay, so you think this is funny, huh?

Probably as funny as you sneaking off to college,

without even as much as a good-bye

or hell... (knock at door) Hold on.

Okay, walking away from me while I'm talking.

You know what? I should kill you.

Oh, baby, I'm so

glad you're here.

You have no idea. Mwa! Uh-huh.

Uh...

So this is what you've been doing all this time

while you're supposedly getting to know your son?

Uh... And do not

lie to me, Chauncey, right,

because I will kill you.

Sheila, Sheila, you don't understand.

Wait a minute, did he just call me stupid?

Well... (stammers)

Zip it, honey. I am not talking to you.

See, you know what?

That's your problem, Chauncey Wright.

You think you're smarter than me, but you ain't.

Pucci, tell your daddy I ain't stupid.

Hi, Daddy. Hi, sweetie.

Mom's not stupid. I know.

You know, you have been spending all this time

away from home to bond with your son,

yet there is no Malik in sight.

Punk-ass Chauncey.

Ooh, wow.

What? Um, you got the giggles, huh?

Is something funny?

MALIK: Hey, Pops.

Oh, thank God you're here.

Oh.

Uh, baby, this is Malik, my son.

You've already met his mother.

Mom, what you doing here?

That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out.

Baby, baby? Yeah!

When you called and told me

that you and Pucci were coming, I invited Malik

so he could meet his little sister.

Tasha showing up

was a total surprise.

This is my own little Pearl Harbor.

MALIK: Wow.

Pucci.

It's nice to finally meet you.

Oh!

Oh, my God. (grunts)

I can't believe I have a little sister.

Ow! What'd you do that for?

Making up for lost time.

Hey, Malik, uh, Pucci is a singer.

Well, you know I got a label.

If you can really sing, Pucci, I know some people.

SHEILA: Yeah, and you know she has a

voice of an angel.

Well, Malik got $40 million.

So what? So what?

Keep it up, keep it up. What?!

I'll give you a demo.

You can judge for yourself.

Yo, I'm telling y'all, man,

I think I slept with my damn sister, y'all.

I'm-I'm going to hell.

JUVON: No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I mean, technically she's only your half sister.

So technically you're only going halfway to hell.

(laughter)

Dude, come on, you run through so many chicks,

how do you even keep 'em straight?

DERWIN: Yeah, man,

J got a point, bro.

I mean, you do the math a lot.

The what, Derwin?

You know, the math.

You add the bed, subtract the clothes,

and pray you don't multiply.

(laughter)

You are so gay.

At least I didn't sleep with my sister.

JASON: Malik, come on,

man, how you gonna remember who you slept with a year ago?

You can't even remember who you slept with last night.

Yes, I do, Jason, okay?

It was, uh, uh, uh...

Me... Donna...

Shell... Amy...

Medonna Shellamy?

She was African, fool. Oh!

Medonna Shellamy. African.

MALIK: And anyway, I know it was

my sister because of her tattoo; I saw it before.

It was the beginning of last season on the road in Atlanta.

JASON: Okay, so we got a black chick

with a tattoo in Atlanta. I mean,

what are the odds of that? That's...

MALIK: Whatever, dawg. I'm telling you,

I wouldn't forget ink like that.

It was eerie.

Okay?

Who has a tattoo of a centipede, dawg?

It's a fricking bug.

Damn it, why am I a slave to the booty?

(Juvon grunts)

Well, look here, man. I mean, you famous, right?

So don't you think if you smashed your sister,

she would mention it to somebody?

That's a good point.

Well, maybe not.

Maybe Malik's just not that memorable.

(laughter)

She knows we slept together. I seen it in her eyes.

She knows

I was all up in there. JASON: Dude...

God, I'm going to hell, man.

What is wrong...? DERWIN: Man, work

out, man.

Work it out like you worked it out with Clay.

JASON: Ooh, hey, now, see, that's just uncalled for...

So we got some polly seeds, right?

Hot wings, good wine.

(whispering): This has got to be some big news she has to tell us.

Maybe she finally got her GED.

I heard that, Kelly Pitts,

but I'm gonna let it slide 'cause I'm in a good mood.

So guess who still wants me?

Oh, my God-- Rick?

No.

Coach T? No.

Ugh, please don't tell me it was the guy who fried your turkey.

Hell, no.

Look, but ain't nothing wrong with Cleavon.

Shoot, any man take a grease pop to the face--

they all right with me.

No.

But I'm talking about punk-ass Chauncey.

(scoffs) Sweetie, we've been over this.

Look, Chauncey is married and has three kids

and from what I can tell, an intense dislike for you.

MELANIE: Yeah, I mean, come on, Tasha.

He's moved on. Even without a GED,

you should be able to figure that out.

Okay, moved on, my ass.

You know what, you just think you're so damn smart.

Okay, I met wifey.

She ain't nothing but a cheap imitation of me.

Tasha Light.

Half the fineness, none of the same great taste.

Oh, my God, you are in denial.

Mm-hmm. Uh-uh.

Look, y'all, this ain't about me.

Shoot, I feel bad for Chauncey.

He the one got the problem.

Yeah, right. (stammers)

Look, it all makes sense.

Okay, look, there was a time when Malik was eight.

Me and Chauncey, we hooked up for a minute,

but I had to send his ass packing

'cause I didn't trust him. KELLY: Wait.

I thought he left you.

Were you there? No.

Anyway, after our little dalliance

didn't work out, I guess Chauncey was obviously

so devastated he had to go out and find himself

a weak-ass excuse for me.

Now he's back, and he don't want to leave.

And guess what-- ain't nothing like the real thing.

Holla.

Okay, wait. (laughing)

I thought he was still here because of Malik.

What you know about men?

You lost three of them in the last year.

Well, at least I know how to let them go,

Miss Hanging On.

I mean, just hanging on.

(both laughing)

Look, I ain't hanging on to him, okay?

He's hanging on to me.

Well, sure he is, sweetie.

You know, I'm gonna write down the number of this therapist

for you, you know, in case you want to chat.

Look, I don't need therapy, okay? 'Cause I ain't crazy.

Hell, just 'cause my daddy wasn't around,

don't nobody have to know that.

Wait, what?

You get out!

Get out!

(sighs) Don't tell me when a man

don't want me. I know when a man want me.

And you don't know what to do with a man when you get one.

W-What? D-D-Did I stutter?

(door opens)

(door closes)

(sighs)

Wow. Yeah.

The sex tape

collection.

Yo, this is like the Fort Knox of filth.

(chuckles) Yo, what's with all the lights, though?

I like the grandiosity of it, Tee Tee.

You know, my sex tapes

are like my off-the-field legacy.

After my foundation for kids.

I call it my, er, uh, third leg-acy.

You get it?

It's a big johnson joke, boy.

Aw, whatever, come on.

(sighs)

Yo, who'd have thought there were this many women

willing to let you film them?

Yeah, well, Tee Tee,

women go stupid when it comes to a celebrity.

And I love stupid-ass women.

Now, let's find the tape with my sister on it.

(sighs)

You swear you're not gonna show nobody, right?

MALIK: Mm-hmm.

Yeah, scout's honor, baby.

Now, show me how you touch them toes.

(both laughing)

Scout's honor.

Right, she fell for it.

That was my first season with the Sabers.

I ain't know nothing about lighting

and camera angles back then, Tee Tee.

Got a little better, though.

Uh, okay, here we go, this looks recent.

(sighs)

You are going to mail me a duplicate of this, right, Malik?

MALIK: Mm-hmm, scout's honor, baby.

Now show me how you downward dog.

(laughs)

Check you out, Malik.

One continuous shot-- just like on Goodfellas.

Yep, the Scorsese years.

But that's not it.

(tape winding)

TEE TEE: Okay, night vision.

Very, uh, Hilton-esque. Mm-hmm.

What's up? Who's holding the camera?

Well, I had to bring

the, uh... equipment manager in on this one.

Equipment manager? Yo, you cut me, Malik, you cut me real deep, man.

You know what? Can you just relax, boy? How you not gonna call me

when you're making a porno in your house, man, yo? You was out of town.

Out of town-- you could have called me. Just relax, boy.

You ain't even got no phone no more. Uh, uh, there it is.

There it is right there.

Yo, I still can't

believe she let you film her like this.

Mm-hmm. She a freak.

(stammers) Boy, that's my damn sister.

Can you have some respect, Tee Tee?

Please.

(sighs)

MALIK: Mm-hmm.

(grunts) How you gonna do that to your sister?

Shut up, boy.

(knocking)

Tasha.

Sorry for not calling first,

but when I heard that Malik was taking

Pucci and Moochie shopping, I knew I could get you alone.

Huh.

You're here to kill me, aren't you?

Don't be silly, silly.

Look, I am here because...

I finally get what's been going on all these years.

Good, good.

And what would that be?

Well, I finally understand

that I haven't been the only one in pain.

Poor Chauncey.

You've been out there walking the world,

missing your Latasha.

But it's okay, Boo.

(spanks, squeals)

You can let it all out now.

And I'm going to make it all better.

(sighs)

Brandy?

Uh, that's not brandy, that's warm soda.

And what the hell are you talking about?

Why, Sheila, of course.

Come on.

You were so in love with me, you just had to go out

and find yourself somebody like me as a replacement.

I mean, not that you did a very good job.

But then again, you always were a little lazy, huh?

Old lazy-ass Chauncey.

Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-Whoa, whoa.

No, no.

I-I'm very much in love with Sheila.

(laughs maniacally)

If you are so in love with her,

then what are you doing here with me today?

Huh? Come on.

Face it, Chauncey.

You are no more over me today than you were 20 years ago,

when you came sniffing around my door, huh?

First, that-that was a mistake.

I was trying to have a relationship with my son.

Come on, Chauncey.

Now, you know you missed all of this.

No, no, no.

Hmm? No, no, I didn't.

I think you've had one warm soda too many.

I did not marry Sheila because she reminds me of you.

I married her in spite of that.

Ha! I'm not having any feelings for you.

Ha! I haven't since I was 18 years old.

Ha, two times!

I don't want you!

Yes, you do!

'Cause if you didn't, you wouldn't be kissing me. No, no.

You wouldn't be kissing me... No, no. Tasha, Tasha, Tasha.

This is embarrassing.

You're embarrassing yourself. I knew it!

Oh, Jesus! I knew it!

I knew it! I knew one day, you'd come here,

and she'd get her claws back in you.

And you didn't think

she still had feelings for you?

(sighs)

Naive-ass Chauncey.

Sh-Sheila!

Chauncey.

Sheila!

I'm not gonna let you leave me!

(blow lands)

Get out!

(exasperated sigh)

MALIK: I told you, girl. What? Huh?

Ah, we blew up Rodeo Drive.

Yes, we did, little sis.

Now, you know this is my first Louis Vuitton.

My girls are gonna be so jealous.

Yeah, having money is great, ain't it?

But it's not what's important, Pucci-- family is.

(sighs)

Which is why I wanted to talk to you,

you know, about the obvious.

I'm sorry, Malik.

I really wasn't going to shoplift,

but they were right there.

Oh, oh, don't trip, don't trip.

I got me a pair, too.

No matter how much money you have,

stealing is still a rush, little sister.

(both laugh)

Uh... but you and I have

more important things to talk about.

So have a seat, Pucci.

Oh...

I know what this is about.

It's about what I gave you, right?

What you gave me? (chuckles)

Okay, let's be real, little sis.

I took it and I tore it up like only Malik Wright can.

You tore up my demo?

Your demo? Girl, I don't know where that thing is.

Then what are you talking about?

Okay, Atlanta, you and me?

I filmed us doing the McNasty.

What?!

Okay, look, I know you hate

to admit it, Pucci, and I do, too.

But the reality is, we slept together.

And we probably gonna go to hell because of it.

Okay, Malik, there is absolutely no way I slept with you.

First of all,

you're not my type.

And secondly-- and this is the important part--

I'm not a ho.

Oh, yes, you is a ho.

Yes, you is, and I'm-a

prove it to you. Come on.

"I ain't a ho."

(door opens)

Uh, hey.

(clears throat) Yeah, um,

I... I was just cleaning up inside there.

See?

See, I'd remember that creepy-ass tattoo anywhere.

Oh, my God.

Mm-hmm, told you you was a ho.

That's not me.

That's Caroline, my best friend from high school.

Oh. We got our tattoos together.

Okay.

(chuckles)

Now take your eyes

off her ass, and take a look at her shoulder.

Okay.

So you got a tattoo of a butterfly, too.

Girl, what the hell is it with you and these bugs?

(sighs)

Okay.

This is awkward.

Uh, yeah.

So, I'm really not your type?

Is that a no?

All right, Pucc.

If you hear from her, please tell her I said to come home.

I-I mean, back to the hotel.

She knows I mean that.

Because I don't think she's stupid.

Make sure you tell her I said that.

(knocking at door)

Oh, thank God.

(phone beeps off)

(screams)

(shudders)

God!

(sobbing): No!

Chauncey,

you know I know how to pick locks.

What do you want?

Haven't you caused enough damage already?

I just came by to say I'm done.

All right?

I'm done messing with you.

I mean, I made a fool out of myself today

trying to prove...

I don't even know what I was trying to prove,

but I'm through.

Okay?

So you go on back to Atlanta,

you live your life, and I'm gonna live mine.

You couldn't have e-mailed me that?

No, 'cause I like to deal with my problems face-to-face.

I don't run away from them, like you.

Have a good life, Chauncey.

I guess I have handled things poorly.

Say what, now?

(sighs)

I have handled things poorly.

Okay, you already said that.

So go on.

Look, you know how I was raised.

I was a sheltered kid from a two-parent household.

Then I met this

cute little round-the-way girl

with a big booty and a bigger attitude.

Shoot, before you,

I'd never seen a joint or a gun.

Lot of people talk about throwing a brick

through somebody's window, but you actually did it.

That was a good first date, wasn't it?

You deserved better than me running off.

I was a stupid kid.

I did what my parents told me to do.

They told me to go to college.

But that's no excuse, because...

I was the one that never looked back.

I regret not spending time with you and...

n-not spending time with Malik.

But you know what my biggest regret is?

Turning such a beautiful young girl

into... a bitter, angry woman.

That's the nicest thing a man has ever said to me, Chauncey.

I'm sorry.

I think that's what I needed to hear after all these years.

Thank you.

Oh, come on!

You have got to be kidding me.

So you really want me to kill this bitch, don't you, Chauncey?

Sheila, baby...

Uh, Chauncey, I got this. Come on.

Sheila, Chauncey and I are in love, okay?

And it ain't a damn thing you gonna be able to do about it.

What?! No!

See, look, girl, he is not tripping on me.

Okay, and you ain't gonna leave him,

and you ain't gonna kill nobody.

I mean, the worst you gonna do is what,

throw a brick through somebody's window?

That's it.

You were all over my damn husband.

I know, and I'm sorry for that.

Okay? I had a moment.

All right? Much like you having right now.

But for once, can you just put your anger aside

and just be happy for what you got?

Oh, I'm happy with what I got.

But I just want you to know it's what I got.

Fair enough.

Take care of yourself, Tasha.

(whispers): All right.

And by the way, there's a brick and broken glass

on your front seat.

Touché, bitch.

Touché.

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