Original subtitles

(women laughing)

It's great.

Kel, I got to say, this was such a great idea

getting the girls together.

Manicures and pedicures and fancy food.

I feel like

one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Baby, you got to do all that.

Every woman deserves a little pampering.

You call this pampering? I call this dry-ass tuna.

I happen to like the tuna.

What don't you like?

I beg your pardon?

I'd beg you to stop eating,

but I know you won't.

FAYE: She tried hypnosis, but all it did

was make her cranky.

Shut up, Faye.

Ooh, sorry-- crankier.

KELLY: Come on, you guys.

I just want to have a day

to relax and forget all our troubles.

So, like I was saying--

Derwin's only with Janay...

Oh, God, listening to her talk about Derwin is not relaxing.

MELANIE: Well, it is to me.

I'm sorry it's not quite the medicinal marijuana

you're used to.

Hey! Look, don't you judge me, okay?

I got issues, and a prescription.

I done lost my job, got Rick stabbing me in the back...

Oh, God, you two are killing me with your whining!

Well, I find you people fascinating.

Wait, what? I'm not whining.

You asked about me and Derwin.

I asked you to pass me a cola.

You know they make a diet version.

I have a thyroid problem, FYI.

Well, FYI, your problem could be solved at the G-Y-M.

All right, come on, let's just take it outside. Let's go.

(arguing) I know somebody asked about Derwin.

Okay, big mouth,

I'll roll right over you out the door.

KELLY: Enough!

We're supposed to be having a good time. Now, drink.

And no one's leaving here until they're dizzy and vomiting.

Hear, hear.

So, do you guys have any plans

while you're here?

I don't know.

Kelly's got to work tomorrow, so that's a bust.

Oh, you got a new job?

Come on, guys.

We're supposed to be getting faced.

Let's take it to the head.

What, is it some kind of secret?

You working with the CIA?

(laughing)

So, wait, you didn't know that she's still working at ISM?

And... go.

KELLY: Tasha, I'm sorry...

I... I... Oh, you're sorry, all right.

How the hell you gonna work for those guys

after they fired me?

Come on, Tasha. I need a job.

I need to make money

to support Brittany until the divorce settlement.

Oh, please, you got enough money to be throwing tuna fish parties

and flying in your friends from Reseda.

Actually, we took a bus.

Did she pay your bus fare?

Look, Tasha, I really don't think that...

What, you want some of this, too? No, thank you.

Kelly, if you were a real friend, you'd quit.

There are other ways you can make money.

Hell, I got two words for you-- es-cort.

Tasha!

What? Hell, you already got the hair, the clothes,

the low self-esteem.

Calling your ass my damn friend.

Don't make this about our friendship, because it's not.

Not everything is about you.

Mm-hmm. You know your ass was wrong.

That's why you's trying to keep it a secret, huh?

No, I was waiting for the right time.

Okay, well, you know what, now is the perfect time,

because now I see what a two-faced, low-budget

back-stabbing bitch you are, Kelly Pitts.

Toodles.

(sighs)

Now can we talk about Derwin?

Do I have anything in my teeth?

All right, guys, here's the game plan.

Screen time for the show should be based upon star status, okay?

So I'm thinking-- 70, 30

and whatever's left over.

Cool with that, Ding Dong?

Yo, whatever's clever, boss.

I'm just happy to be here representing the Sabers.

Okay, speaking of representing the Sabers,

if we don't want to look like complete idiots,

I should probably take that 70.

Why?

You mean, besides the fact

that I'm a seven-time Pro Bowler,

future Hall of Famer?

Uh, yeah, besides that.

Malik, look at my cheekbones, dude.

The camera loves me.

Okay, what about this?

Sixty,

forty.

Whatever's left.

Done. You cool with that, Ding Dong?

Yeah, man, it's y'all world.

I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut.

Can I get a water?

Chilled... no, a little room temp.

You always want to stay out of my light, okay?

Anybody seen Kelly?

Hey, Kel, you're still here, huh?

Shh.

I think they forgot to fire me.

So, uh...

what's up with Tasha?

You haven't heard from her?

Not since she scratched that message into my Hummer.

Ow. That sounds painful.

And I thought she loved me.

She does, Rick.

Her kind of love hurts.

Oh, my God.

You haven't seen me.

Yo, Foxy.

Where's Kelly?

Um, she wouldn't be under the desk.

That'd be crazy.

Oh, Foxy, uh!

You're precious.

Go.

Marco.

Polo.

Yep.

Damn.

I'll be out of here by lunch.

Out of here?

Kelly, this is going to be the greatest day of your life.

I, uh...

need a new San Diego assistant, and I... want you.

What?

Yes, I, uh, asked my old assistant

to find me a comedic snuff film and she just up and quits.

I mean, talk about unprofessional.

Irv, I could never be your assistant.

Why not? You're a pig.

No, I'm no... Okay, oink.

Especially after firing Tasha.

Kelly, look, don't worry about Tasha.

She's going to be fine. She's a survivor, okay?

When the world comes to an end, there's going to be

cockroaches, Styrofoam and Tasha.

Irv, I know that Tasha has her faults,

but I could never...

All right, listen, I'll give you her old office,

fill the water cooler with Pinot and double your salary.

Irv Smiff's office.

And that ain't funny. That's all I'm saying. Okay, guys, guys, guys.

Tell me, what is the difference

between last year's championship season

and this year's very disappointing season? JASON: Oh, she had to ask.

Okay, okay, okay, well, Camille, I would have to say

that basically... what happened...

(clearing throat)

Excuse me.

Um, okay, I think it's a combination

of, uh, the coaching... (clearing throat and coughing)

Derwin, are you okay?

Yeah, um... It's just...

well, you know, Camille,

last season, I was on the field.

Things happened-- good things.

This season, I was injured and not playing.

And those good things stopped happening.

Oh.

So you're saying you are the reason for the Sabers success?

Uh, no, Camille.

Come on.

It's nice of you to say, though.

JASON: No, no, Ding Dong should know.

I mean, he's got the best seat in the house--

right there in the front row every game.

Are you still on the team

or...? (laughing)

But seriously, Camille, we could... we could point fingers

all day long-- the bottom line is nobody's playing

the way they want to play.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, partner, okay?

'Cause my numbers ain't changed.

So I can point all day.

Malikwright.com.

Best that ever did, y'all.

Now tell me, next year, what's the plan?

Well, Camille, as the leader of this team, I say...

Wow.

...we go back to the West Coast offense

that got us the championship. That's what I say.

Hmm, and what do you think, Jason?

Uh, leader, may I speak?

(laughing)

Um, I think we definitely have

what it takes to take it all the way, win it again.

Oh, do I hear a little swagger?

Camille, we are champions of the world. The world.

Okay?

So I mean, you look at the talent

that we have on this team-- there's no reason to worry.

We will be back. We will be back.

Yes. So how's that for swagger?

(laughs)

Impressive.

Funny.

Very.

You're watching Sports Circle

with Camille Rowles.

We'll be back.

MAN: Clear.

Thank you, guys. That was great.

That was fun. DERWIN: Thank you, Camille.

That was fun, and you are good at what you do. Oh, thank you.

That's... quite a grip you've got there.

I'm sorry.

Take it easy.

Okay.

IRV: Yes, there he is.

Walk into it, walk into it.

Oh, Mr. Smiff. Win it, find it, get it.

Finish line. Ha-ha!

My God, Pittsy, you give good TV. That's what I do.

Irv, I wanted to talk to you... Not now, Derwin.

Okay, look at me. What is this?

This is a meeting.

Hey. Mom, what you doing here?

I came to take you to lunch.

What? Woman, you just took me to breakfast.

That was four hours ago. And you know you're hungry.

And you know you need to make up with Kelly, all right?

'Cause I've got this office chick

I can only hit on her lunch break.

(scoffs) All right?

Hey. Baby, go get the car.

Mama got dropped off.

Tasha.

So good to see you. Hey, you too, cutie.

Oh, wait a minute. Mm-mm-mm-mm!

Lou Bous. Yes.

Okay, I'm feelin' them. Thank you.

Can I ask you something? Uh-huh.

What's up with Jason Pitts?

I know, right?

Ain't he an ass?

Well, he certainly has a nice one. Ooh.

Is he really getting a divorce?

Girl, please, I don't know.

I ain't all up in his bald-headed business. Come on.

I did it. Hold on one second, hold on one second.

One second... Kelly. Hey, yeah, listen,

did you forward that, uh, link to my Blackberry?

That a girl, Kel. Look at you.

Putting the "ass" in assistant.

You know what you are, Kel?

I'm gonna tell you what you are.

You are fan-ass-tic.

No, no, you're better than that.

You are ass-tounding. (laughs)

Kelly, Kelly, it's just a joke. Kelly, it's a joke.

No, Kelly, I'm not going to wrap it up. Come on.

Camille. Okay?

Camille. Yes?

I think I do remember hearing something about

him getting a divorce.

You want me to hook you up? Would you?

Be my pleasure. Brilliant.

Charlie Brown head.

Oh! (stammers)

I thought I heard the sounds of blackness. What's up?

(sighs): God!

You know, I should have just been more upfront with him.

Wait, who is McHottie again?

Shut up! Who gives a McCrap?!

Wow, so this is where Kelly works.

It's so glassy.

Ooh.

Really, Faye?

Hey, school supplies are not cheap.

Now all I need is a three-ring binder

and a stapler and I'm set. Aw.

Rick Fox!

Oh, my God,

you're Rick Fox!

That's right, drink it in.

Rick, these are my friends Tina and Faye.

What's going on? Nice to meet you, ladies.

Oh, my God.

He thinks we're ladies.

Okay, can we get a picture with you?

Uh...

Okay, ready, and...

Cheese! Cheese!

That... that's a finger.

Enjoy yourselves, ladies. Okay.

Bye.

(sighs)

I would let him sock me in the face.

Oh, you'd let everyone sock you in the face.

God, come on, you guys.

Hey, isn't, uh, this

Derwin's agency?

Oh, yeah. It is.

Huh.

Maybe I should just go take a look around.

Okay.

Hurry, let's ditch her before lunch.

We can't do that-- I told you guys,

we have to keep her busy so she doesn't have a Derwin meltdown.

Look, I'm gonna be the one having a friggin' meltdown.

If I have to hear one more word about who slept with who

and whose baby's whose, I'm gonna hurt someone, okay?

She's talking about me.

No, I'm not.

(phone rings)

Irv Smiff's office.

Yes, just one moment.

Sorry, Irv's been waiting for this call.

I got to patch him in.

Oh, okay, go. Oh.

Irv, you're on with Bob from H.R.

So, Tasha Mack's history, right?

IRV: Aw, come on, Bob, I only hired her to get to her son.

She couldn't deliver him, so I axed her.

My only regret is I didn't bag her first.

I mean, is it me, or does she not look like

she could take a punch in the face?

(both laughing) BOB: Irv, you're a bastard, man.

IRV: I know. I know, I'm awful, but every time...

Yeah, you might want to add some more weight, dawg--

since you carrying the whole damn team on your back, Ding Dong.

Okay, listen, first of all, I didn't say

I was the reason we were winning.

I may have said I was a reason, not t reason.

Like, Jordan--

he was a reason the Bulls

were good, but not the reason.

You understand, I mean, somebody had to pass him the ball.

(chuckles)

Okay, so now you're

comparing yourself to Jordan.

DERWIN: No...

J, please, all right.

It was nice of you to say, though.

MALIK: Whatever,

Jordan, all right?

Between you hogging up the damn camera time

and Camille flirting with Jason, I ain't get to say jack.

She wasn't flirting with me, pig.

The hell she wasn't.

She should've been flirting with me.

I'm the marquee player on this damn team.

I'm the captain.

Uh... I believe I'm the captain.

Uh, oh, yeah, Jason, huh, when'd that happen, buddy?

Like, seven years ago.

Oh, so we don't get to vote?

You weren't even on the team--

you were, like, still in high school.

Yeah, exactly.

(laughter)

Yo, seriously, J, man, you might want to try

to holler at Camille, man-- she's kind of nice.

No, she was just being friendly, man.

Friendly? That's talk show hosts.

That's what they do-- they get paid to do that.

It's like when Malik went on Anderson Cooper,

and then Anderson wouldn't stop calling him afterward.

Well, I don't know who Anderson Cooper is,

but Camille has "Future Baby Mama" written all over her!

And believe me, I know. (laughs)

MALIK: Look at him.

He got to laugh to keep from crying.

(laughs)

Oh, no, man, look, even if she was interested--

which she's not-- I'm just, I'm not sure if I'm ready to,

you know... get back out there yet.

Dawg, you know what your problem is?

Kelly put a padlock on that jimmy of yours,

and you've been married for so damn long,

you forgot the combination.

Clink, clink! * Uh! Uh! Please, please!

I slept with Jas.

Look at you talking about your conquest, dawg.

It's not even plural, Jason.

DERWIN: All right, well, maybe J's just

a one-woman man. Thank you. Or maybe...

Jason has a vagina.

I'll bet mine's better than yours.

All I know is, when you're in a relationship, you're on top of your game.

Dawg, you know...

you're one of them type dudes

that you need a female around to play with.

DERWIN: I don't know, J,

$40 million might be on to something.

Hey, hey, in case y'all ain't heard,

with recent endorsements, your boy's up to $60 million.

Pow, pow, pow!

The sooner you get a new wife...

(grunts)

...the sooner we can get off of Ding Dong's shoulders.

Yeah, I ain't forget about that mess.

I'm working out, please? Yeah, you trying to.

Well, sor-sorry, Jordan.

Sorry, Your Air-ness. I doubt it.

Marta, I thought I told you not to let her in here.

You're fired!

What? No, you're not, Marta.

Wait, don't come up in here

telling my help who's fired and who's not.

You're not.

You know what, matter of fact,

since you're here, Kelly Pitts, where you want it, huh?

You want it in the face, or you want it in the gut, huh?

Where you want it? Will you just shut up and listen to this?

IRV: How am I an ass?

She had no value without Malik.

Uh-huh. And...

Foxy's moping around here 'cause I fired his girlfriend.

I actually heard him whimpering like a little bitch

in the bathroom stall.

Yeah, but...

in Foxy's defense, Tasha did have that little...

brown-sugar walk. Mm!

Stop a pie-eating cont... (turns off recorder)

(drops recorder on table)

You still want to fight?

Irv's been planning on firing you

ever since he found out that you couldn't sign Malik.

Rick didn't have anything to do with it.

(choked-up): Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

Come on, Kelly, in the gut.

In the gut.

No! Tasha, no!

That's not the answer!

Rick wanted to marry me, but I treated him like dirt!

But maybe it's not too late. It is, Kelly, it is!

I've aged since then-- I found a gray hair

in a place I don't even want to talk about.

Tasha, you are beautiful.

Kelly...

I broke in his house this morning, and I...

bleached all his clothes.

Please tell me you just did the whites.

No. It was everything but.

Well, don't worry, sweetie.

We'll get through this.

Kelly, after everything that I've done to you,

you're still gonna stand by me?

Of course.

That's what friends do.

I mean, you were there for me when I

was crying my eyes out over Jason.

I couldn't get through this divorce without you.

(choked-up): Thank you.

(sniffles, sighs)

Come on, let's get your man back.

But...

I think this is going to call for a secret weapon.

(laughs softly)

Hey.

Thanks for meeting me, Rick.

Well, I was afraid what would happen if I didn't.

(laughs)

Nice dress.

Oh. This old thing?

I just had to wear something

to make you forget what an ass I was.

Look, Rick,

I really owe you an apology.

I mean, I know you had nothing to do

with getting me fired from ISM.

I'm glad you finally believe me.

You know, I wish it would've been sooner.

Rick, come on, now.

Now, you know we've been down this road before.

I just hope we can move past it.

You know-- "Silly Tasha,

she learned her lesson, pow, pow, pow!"

No, Tasha, it's cool.

Oh. The past is the past.

Well, good. Good.

I'm glad.

Okay, so now what?

Oh, you want some potato skins?

Mozzarella sticks.

Oh, we should just get the sampler!

Tasha.

Somewhere along the line, I lost focus.

You know, I had this clear-cut plan for myself career-wise,

and, hey, now that I've signed Michael Phelps,

you know, things are happening.

Mm-hmm. You know?

I need to focus. Shoot,

I need to focus, too.

(chuckles): Okay, I had a plan.

So I guess we're in agreement with that, right?

Excuse me.

Uh... okay, that's the second time.

Uh, I'm gonna be focusing in Miami.

Miami?

Yeah. I'm gonna be working at ISM.

(chuckles): South Beach.

Hey,

the silver lining is, I love Cuban food.

(chuckles): I'll bet you do.

Look, Tasha...

I just think it's better that we put some distance between us.

(scoffs) But, hey,

uh... if you're ever in Miami,

you know, we should get together.

Yeah. Cool.

I mean, you know, you ever in San Diego,

and I'm available...

you know, we can hook up.

Great.

Well...

I got to go.

You take care, okay?

* Like a hurricane

* The way you break everything that comes in your way *

* Just like a hurricane

* Just like a hurricane *

* The way you broke my heart

* And now I'm left with the pa-a-ain *

* After the hurricane...

Okay, don't you cry.

'Cause you're better than that.

(chuckles)

* Now my life is shattered

* And I'm left to pick up the pieces *

* And find a new beginning and put it back together again *

* After the hurricane...

Oh, God.

* The hurricane, just like a hurricane... *

Hey, guys...

Guys?

Guys?

(sighs): Where did everybody go?

Oh.

Hi.

You wouldn't by chance know a-a Derwin Davis?

He's a client here.

No, I don't.

Really?

Well, he used to be my boyfriend.

Actually, he'd still be my boyfriend,

but we had a slight misunderstanding,

and now he got another woman pregnant.

But we are still very much in love.

(chuckles) Excuse me.

Wait. Wait.

Where are you going? Wait!

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