Original subtitles

CARROT TOP: I had a great time hanging out at your joint, Mookie.

Oh, well, thank you for teaching us

about the importance of eating our vegetables.

CARROT TOP: No problem, buddy.

MOOKIE: Ooh, especially carrots.

Those are your favorites, right?

CARROT TOP: Whoa. You know, just 'cause

my name's Carrot Top, does that mean I have to like carrots?

I'll make you my prop!

(laughing)

MOOKIE: Carrot Top needs a hug.

I'm sorry, Mookie. I didn't mean to snap at you like that.

Just, it's not been a good week for me.

Boy, what was so damn important I had to be over here by 10:00?

I was in the middle of a Brazilian.

Now I look more like a Dominican.

Shh! Mom, sit down.

You almost missed the whole show.

Oh, Mookie's on.

Mm-hmm.

(giggles)

Do you like football, Carrot Top?

You know, my father never believed prop comedy

would take off for me either, you know?

He'd always say, "Look at you.

What are you gonna make of yourself?"

Well, look at me now!

I'm Carrot Top, right?! Uh...

I'm Carrot Top!

(laughing)

MOOKIE: Stay-stay tuned. Stay tuned.

He's crazy.

'Cause next week, uh... next week,

next week I will have, (laughing)

our guest is-is-is the world champion San Diego Sabers.

Oh! Y-Y'all gonna be on Mookie's Joint?

Would Mookie lie?

Oh, snap!

My baby's gonna be on Mookie's Joint!

Yeah, Mom, can you believe it?

Yes, I can believe it.

Mookie taught you how to believe in yourself.

Mm-hmm. He also taught you how to make your own breakfast.

Mm-hmm. Walk to school by myself.

Read. Do my homework.

Cook your own dinner. Brush my teeth.

Tuck yourself in,

say your prayers.

Shoot, your first words wasn't "Mama," it was,

"Mookie!" "Mookie!"

(both laugh)

I guess Mama really wasn't around much, was she?

Dawg, you're stupid. No, you're stupid.

Yeah, he does know he's stupid.

We all know he's stupid.

Wait till I get back out there.

JORDAN: Malik!

Hey!

Heading up to the big meeting, publicist lady?

It's Jordan.

And did you get my message?

No.

Was I supposed to call you back or something?

(chuckles): Yeah.

Two years ago, after we slept together.

But I'm over it.

Spilt milk.

Listen, uh, the producers from Mookie's Joint called.

Oh. And you're out.

What?! Was I smiling when I said that?

What? Wait.

What the hell you mean, I'm out?

Perhaps I should have engaged you

in five minutes of small talk first.

Then again,

perhaps you should have engaged me

in five minutes worth of foreplay.

(chuckles): But it doesn't matter.

It's water under the bridge. Oh, well.

You know what, can you get to the damn point, please?

Sure. Your image is not conducive

to the wholesome image of Mookie's,

so you're officially uninvited

to join the rest of the guys on the show.

I'm still smiling, aren't I?

It's 'cause I'm not bitter.

What in the hell is wrong with my image?

You punched a guy in a wheelchair.

So?

Uh, let's not forget the public comments

that led up to it.

"Crack rock."

"Wicked jump shot."

You fake-married Robin Givens.

You didn't let me spend the night,

even though I really, really wanted to.

You know what, Mookie don't give a damn about you.

Or me not letting you spend the damn night.

Oh, really?

Well, I'll confirm that with Mookie when I'm at his joint.

(grunts)

(loud buzz of conversation)

All right, everybody, quiet down.

Quiet down!

(crowd quiets)

Quiet down.

Now, I know everyone's been wondering about the effects

of Smith's coming out and what position

the Sabers organization is going to take.

Sounds like you're gonna have to take the top!

(laughter)

All right, starting today,

there is nothing funny about being gay.

(laughter)

After lengthy conversations, we have decided

to publicly recognize Clay as the first

openly gay professional football player.

And we are all going to stand firmly

behind him in this decision.

Well, that's better than standing in front of him.

(laughter)

MICKEY: All right, come on, guys.

Let's have a little unity here.

Clay.

Look, guys, just want to say,

you know, I'm still the same dude that's been in the trenches

with you guys for the past five seasons.

We won that championship ring together.

Guess what I'm trying to say is...

just want to play football.

(loud bang)

Sit your ass down!

This is some bull, and y'all know it!

Settle down, Wright. No!

We're up in here talking about Gay Aiken's ass when we need

to be talking about our lack of defense on the field!

Y'all know it's true!

(lisps): Speak on it.

(laughter)

MALIK: See?

See, now Juvon's caught the gay, too?

This queerness is spreading like a wildfire in this beast,

but it's my image that won't let me kick it with Mookie?

While Little Miss Sunbeam's ass is our new sacred mascot?!

Hey, come on, Wright. We need you for this!

Hell, no.

I ain't about to toe the company line for no fag.

Yo, I'm gonna whoop your ass.

(shouting) Bring it on!

Bring it!

Yo, back your ass off me!

Get your...

Come on, man. Chill. Chill.

Man, he didn't mean it.

Oh, he meant it.

Well, that-that wasn't that bad, huh, Mick?

Look, just because we slept together

doesn't mean we're friends.

Right, right.

By the way, my number hasn't changed.

Look, Pitts, I need you to help me get Wright on board.

Hey, I don't even know if I'm on board, man.

If Malik's right about this,

we could be the laughingstock of the league.

I got a brand to protect, man.

You may not know this: the Pitt-sicle--

the most masculine popsicle on the market.

It's true.

It's 'cause of its square shape.

The edges are actually pointed.

There's a small amount of danger in every bite.

Kids love it.

Look, Pitts, we're not even halfway through the season,

and we're out of playoff contention.

And if our season's down the toilet, you know what else?

Ticket sales, jersey sales,

Pitt-sicle sales and everything else is down the toilet, too.

Now, Clay could be our golden rainbow parachute.

How do you figure that?

Well, being the first team with

an openly gay athlete would bring us tons of publicity.

And people who love the gays will show up and cheer.

People who hate the gays will show up and boo.

Everybody wins.

So, what, this is about money? Yes.

And for you, too.

If you help us out with this, we'll give you a bonus.

Are you s...

Dude, why in the world didn't you lead with that?

Get out.

(chuckles)

Go, gays.

Kelly!

Hey, Kel.

Jason?

What are you doing here?

I thought you weren't picking up Brittany until tomorrow.

I am?

I mean, I am.

No, I am.

I got a favor to ask you.

You heard that Clay's gay, right?

What?

Clay Smith, the center?

Yeah.

Isn't he too big to be gay?

I don't know. I guess he's like

a big old playground for chubby-chasing gay dudes.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Anyway, look, the team's going public with it,

and they want the players' support,

so I need you to rally the Sunbeams.

The Sunbeams?

Jason, I haven't even been to a meeting since we broke up.

I'm not even president anymore.

Kel, come on. You will always be president of the Sunbeams.

I will, won't I?

You know, I heard that they're falling apart without you.

Really? Oh, it's chaos.

Dissension, infighting, backstabbing.

It's... Lebanon, Kelly.

So, it's really bad, huh?

What can I do?

All right, rumor has it,

Clay has a boyfriend or lover or significant oth...

I don't know the politically correct term.

Dude named Derek.

I need you to make him a Sunbeam.

What? Yeah.

If you can get the women to accept Derek,

then the women, under your leadership,

can get their men to accept Clay.

Huh.

A male Sunbeam.

Yes.

I guess it could work.

God, Jason, this is a really nice side of you.

It's unexpected.

Well, you know... they're paying me.

And we're back.

Yeah.

Man, how the hell they gonna tell us what to do?

We grown-ass men.

Don't got to put up with that mess if we don't want to.

Yo, seriously, y'all are underestimating

the benefits of Clay's lifestyle.

What you mean? Is there

something that you want to tell us?

No, I'm just saying, there are perks to having a homo homeboy.

So, now your kitchen door's swinging both ways, Juvon?

Dude, check it: when you're out on the road,

and your girl accuses you of nailing everything that moves,

which you are...

(laughs): Okay. Yeah, he is.

You just tell her you were upstairs in gay boy's room.

And then what's she gonna think?

Um, that you're gay.

Oh, yeah.

Well, then Malik's right.

We should get rid of the gays.

You're damn straight I'm right.

It's an abomination.

You know what? You ought to know better, church boy.

Up in there clapping for his ass.

Hey, before you condemn me, all right,

the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin.

But on the other hand, Jesus said

love everybody, man.

I was just trying to show Clay some love.

Just like Jesus would.

Wow, that's deep.

What did Jesus say about your knee?

Oh!

Yeah, the same thing he said about your contract.

Damn! (laughs)

Am I getting traded again?

Only Jesus would know.

If Jesus told you something, you should tell me what he...

Juvon, you're gonna have to take that up

with Jesus. Malik, I'm out.

All right, bro.

Ask Jesus.

You got Jesus' number?

Oh, well, living single, baby daddy.

What up, man?

What up, Pitts?

40 Mil. Pittsy.

I think I got a handle on this gay situation.

We pretend to embrace it, okay?

But all the while, up here, in our minds,

up in this area, we actually don't.

Man, shut the hell up.

Come on, man.

Look, hey, there's gonna be

a first gay player on some team, right?

Why not the Sabers? Why not be a part of history?

Yeah.

'Cause that's exactly how

I want to go down in history, Jason.

Championships, MVPs?

Nope, let's go with the booty snatcher hiking me the ball.

(sighs) All right.

Okay, okay.

Who was discriminated against before the queers?

Us, dude.

Football players?

African-Americans, idiot.

Gay rights are no different than civil rights.

You know what? That would be a lot more convincing

if you were darker. Okay, okay.

Seriously, image aside, is it really that big of a deal?

'Cause I could care less, man.

Him being gay doesn't make me gay.

My manhood is not threatened.

That's because he didn't rub up against your ta-tas.

I'm the victim, Jason.

Well, that's 'cause you got some nice ta-tas.

Come on, dude.

Come on.

Hey. As your captain

and as your friend, I am asking you,

get on board with this.

So, they're paying you?

Handsomely, yes!

And they're willing to do the same for you.

Well, Malik Wright can't be bought.

Come on, man. No.

Come on, man. Jason.

Come on, man. No!

Get your ass out my house, Jason!

All right. All right.

You change your mind, you know when, you know where.

Nice!

(laughs)

(women chatting)

No, I think so, too.

I think it is rude.

I really do not think

that we should even be talking about this.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

So, is he, like, gay-gay?

What does that mean?

Like, is he contagious?

You know players,

they room together, they shower together.

My man's a follower.

Is that how you ended up with a PT Cruiser?

(laughter)

Ladies, ladies.

Oh, my God. I cannot believe what I am hearing.

This is discrimination.

What do the bylaws say?

That you need to be dating a player to be here, Med School.

I wasn't going to miss Homo-Gate '09.

Girl, you and Derwin ain't even together no more.

All right, you know what?

You're right.

I should just take my wine and leave.

Uh, I brought that wine.

(sighs)

Can I just stay?

Yes, Melanie.

Thanks. Look, I'm sure

you guys have

a lot of questions

about how a gay guy fits into the Sunbeam world.

But from what I hear,

they are great party planners.

They're always up on the latest fashion

and Oprah swears by them.

I mean, if they're good for Oprah,

they've got to be good for us.

Well, if there's a vote

on the gay joining the Sunbeams, I vote no.

Tasha. What?

I ain't homophobic.

Now, I'm just saying, one of the main reasons

I come to this meeting is what?

To let loose, have fun and get liquored up.

(all agreeing)

'Cause y'all know me.

I get a couple of glasses of this pinot,

I'm gonna be killing with my gay stuff!

What you got, girl?

Mm, you want one?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, come on, Tasha.

Okay, you want one?

Okay, okay. I got it, I got it. (clears throat)

What's the best pickup line at a gay bar?

What? Huh?

Hello!

(laughter)

Wait, I got one more.

I got one more.

Okay.

Why are gay men the first ones to check out of a hotel?

'Cause we get our stuff packed at night?

Oh, you know that one?

KELLY: Look, it's Derek!

And you brought wine! Yee!

So, this is what y'all do?

Invite someone to your little club

so you can gay-bash them.

KELLY: Derek, we really were just...

No, no, no, Kelly.

And here I was staying up all night

trying to convince Clay to stay on the team.

I guess he was right.

We'll never be accepted here.

Not by people like you and your son.

Hey, hey, hey.

What, like you never told a black joke before?

No, I haven't.

Oh.

Well,

maybe you should.

We're a very colorful people.

Tasha. Well, I'm just saying.

Look, if they're gonna be the first gay couple in the league,

y'all need to be prepared to take some hits.

No, we don't.

Not if we bow out.

ERICA: Yeah, right.

It ain't that easy bowing out of the spotlight.

How you think I put up with Trent and all his damn kids?

CORAZON: And you got a nice little body on you.

Are you ready to give up the gym and get a job?

(sighs)

I know we're not living the perfect life.

But you need to think long and hard

before you give all this up.

Seriously, I'm getting a divorce right now

and I got to admit... I miss the perks.

"Oh, two for dinner?

Right this way, Mrs. Pitts."

I haven't paid for a Bloomin' Onion in years.

MELANIE: Look, Derek, I know how you feel, okay?

I've been a victim of this football world

for two long years now.

Maybe this life isn't for you.

I mean, there's a point in your life

where you're gonna realize it's too much.

Maybe you should get out before you give up Johns Hop...

I mean, while you still can.

SURI: She's got a point.

You and your man have been a distraction.

Maybe you should just go.

(all agreeing)

KELLY: No!

You're right.

I should just go.

Wait, hold on, Derek. Wait.

Look,

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings with my joke, okay?

But the truth is, I need Clay on this team.

Because for the last five seasons,

my son has been the only quarterback in the league

that hasn't been injured.

And that was because of your man.

And when my son is healthy,

everybody up in here gets a check cut.

So, I guess all I'm trying

to say is, we need Clay, which means we need you, too.

Mm-hmm.

It's true.

So, no more gay jokes.

Not to your face.

(chuckles)

And I get to sit in the booth with y'all.

Uh, you got a pair of Seven jeans?

In every wash.

(laughter, cheering) Hey, welcome, Sunbeam!

(laughing)

All right!

Okay, but if I'm gonna be a part of this sisterhood

and do my part to keep Clay on the team,

y'all girls are gonna have to get your men to lay off.

Tasha.

Okay, why you calling me out?

Because you raised a hate monger.

Well, technically, I didn't raise him.

Mookie did.

But you know what?

I'm gonna fix this.

Hey, Mickey, Tasha Mack.

Look, don't worry about how I got your number, okay?

You want Malik to do the right thing?

This is what you need to do.

Uh-huh.

(hip-hop beat playing)

Come on, let's do it. Let's do it.

Yeah, Mook, I feel you, Mook.

* The sun rise in the east

* And sets in the west

* Stand up for your rights *

* Stand up for your lefts

(laughs)

* We love all types of people That's right.

* From the blinds to the deafs Say it!

* All shapes, sizes, and colors * Mm-hmm.

* Let's all love one another

* 'Cause Mookie's here so have no fear *

* He's a bad mother... Uh-uh, not in my joint!

(laughter)

Aw, thank you, Sabers.

Thank you, Mookie. Thanks, Mookie.

Okay!

Appreciate it. Wow, Mookie,

you have no idea how much it means to me

to be here with you today.

You've been so influential in my life.

Well, thank you.

Um, well, what'd I do?

Well, Mookie, you taught me how to read.

You taught me how to mail a letter.

You even taught me how to go potty, man.

No, no. That was my brother Dookie.

(both laugh)

Anyway, I'm glad

I could teach you so much.

Uh, can I teach you how to play football, too?

Mookie, I already know how to play football.

No, see, I-I was,

I was talking about this football.

Mookie.

This isn't a football.

This is a soccer ball, Mookie.

But I-I thought people all over the world

called this a football.

Well, that's true, Mookie,

but football and soccer are very different.

And plus, I don't really like soccer that much.

Do you know a lot about soccer?

Nah, but I don't need to.

Football is my favorite.

Yeah.

But I have a friend who likes soccer

and he says it's his favorite.

Oh. Can we all still be friends

even though he likes to play with soccer balls

more than footballs?

Mookie, of course we can.

Well, do you want to meet my friend?

Why not, Mookie?

Clay!

What?

What? Hey, Mookie.

Yo, Clay, listen, listen.

I got a question for you.

What's up?

Is soccer your favorite sport?

Oh, yeah. I love it.

But even though it's my favorite sport,

I'm just too big to play it.

Matter of fact,

growing up, because of my size, everyone expected me

to play football instead, so that's what I did.

Even though you really love soccer?

Yeah, Mookie, even though I really love soccer.

Mm-hmm.

Malik, how would it feel if people told you

not to play football, even though it's your favorite?

I wouldn't like that, Mookie.

Clay, is Malik your friend,

even though football is different than soccer?

Yeah, he's a good friend of mine.

You can't play with someone for five years and not like them.

Hmm.

Malik, come on, man.

Is Clay your friend?

Yeah, he is, Mookie.

Well, can you just shake hands, because friends shake hands?

(sighs)

You know what, guys? Can we cut?

Huh? MAN: Cut.

What's up, Malik?

(bell rings twice)

That wasn't in the script, Kevin.

No, well, you know, sometimes we go off the script and ad-lib.

Is that cool?

No.

I mean, yeah, it's cool.

Look, man, I just came here to meet Mookie.

I wasn't expecting a lesson in tolerance.

Well, you know, Mookie puts it out there.

However way you look at it is up to you.

(sighs)

Okay. I got it.

So, Mookie threw me the ball and I caught it.

(laughs)

Well, I guess I'm just as good a quarterback as you.

I don't know about all that, homie.

You know what? Kevin, can you give me a minute?

Yeah. Go ahead, man.

Thank you.

Hey, listen...

You know what, man?

I want to apologize before you get started.

I-I said some things that were really foul.

Well, we never even got a chance

to talk about what happened and...

Hey, you know what, man? It is what it is, okay?

We'll deal with it.

Cool?

That's what's up. All right.

Hey, your big ass doesn't really

want to play soccer now, do you?

Come on, man. (chuckles): Okay, good.

You guys, if you're ready, let's finish this, all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right?

Let's do it. You know what, let's, let's start

with the song again from the top.

Okay, cool, cool, cool. (bell rings)

MAN: Okay, and... action!

(hip-hop beat playing)

Yeah!

(laughs)

* The sun rise in the east

* And sets in the west

* Stand up for your rights *

* Stand up for your lefts.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0