Original subtitles

Yeah, it's your boy Derwin Double-D

doing big things at the University of Diego

representing for his Boo, or should I say, Dr. Boo? Oh!

Here she is.

Here she is.

Hey, Mel Mel?

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Make love to the camera, girl.

Welcome.

And congratulations on entering

your third year as medical students.

As you embark upon this clinical leg of your journey,

and as you put on your white coat today,

never lose sight of the fact that underneath it

you are a human being,

just as another human will be sitting across from you:

your patient.

(applause)

That was deep, y'all.

That was deep.

All right, let's get started.

Anderson.

(applause)

Bhar.

(applause)

Cartwright.

Oh, one second, Cartwright.

Excuse me, Dean Ramer. Yeah.

You skipped my name.

Melanie Barnett.

I'm sorry. I don't see your name here.

What do you mean, I'm not getting a white coat?

What?!

I'm not getting a white coat?!

MELANIE (over recorder): What do you mean, I'm not

getting a white coat? I'm not getting a white coat?

Mel, you said you wanted this on Facebook, right?

How could you be laughing right now?

Mel, it's kind of funny.

(over recorder:) Are you kidding me... Oh, oh, it's funny

I lost my grant because I'm on academic probation?

Oh, my bad, my bad.

No, I-I just think it's funny that you didn't know.

Oh, be-because you didn't forward me my mail.

Hey, Melanie. Okay.

I am a famous athlete, all right?

I ain't got time to be worrying about some mail.

My people handle that.

Why don't you ask your boy, uh...

Trey Wiggs for the money?

Oh, okay.

So you're gonna go there, Baby Daddy?

All right, all right.

Okay? I surrender.

Mmm.

Am I your man?

For now.

Yeah?

Well, your man--

the man, is gonna write his baby a check

so she can get her white coat.

Really?

Really. Really?

(both shrieking)

(grunts) Oh, my God.

I promise I will pay you back.

Oh, you-you gonna pay me back, all right. In ass.

(squeals)

Can I see the check first?

Mel, I'm good for it.

(squeals)

Thank you, baby.

Yeah!

A special sandwich for my special baby!

Mmm.

(sniffs)

Peanut butter- and-honey, Ma.

Mm-hmm.

Hold up. The last time you made me one of these

is right before you shipped me off to fat camp.

Boy, look, I found your backpack

full of melted Chipwiches.

You had a problem.

Mm-hmm, Ma.

Spill it.

All right.

Baby...

Mama got a new man.

What?

And I didn't want to say anything

'cause I'm trying to keep it on the low,

and it's new, and, besides, you know him.

So here's a hint.

Okay, he's tall, he's handsome,

he's light-skinned, and

he used to be quite a athlete himself, back in the day.

Ma, if you say Jason,

I will burn this house down right now, with us in it.

No, Malik!

It's Rick.

Rick who?

Rick Fox!

Rick Fox from the Lakers Rick Fox?

Yeah, that's the one!

Oh, Ma!

That's what I'm talking about.

I saw y'all getting cozy at my reception.

Do your thing, Ma.

So you're cool with it?

Cool with it? Hell, Rick Fox,

I'd date him if I could.

Well, good, 'cause, look, look.

I really want y'all to get to know each other better

so I'm gonna have a little barbecue tomorrow night,

and I would love for you and your wife to come.

Who? Oh. Robin.

Yeah. We'll be there, Ma.

Oh, good, and I don't want you

saying anything about it, okay?

'Cause I don't want it to get back to ISM,

'cause you know how they be talking.

Oh, and, uh, Kelly's gonna bring her new man,

so please don't tell Jason.

Ma, ple-- come on, now, you know I don't gossip.

Uh!

Is her new dude black?

Well... you know how they say,

"Once you go black, you don't go back"?

Who know what happen when you go yellow?

(both laugh)

You're about to find out, now you're dating Rick.

Oh! Malik, boy! (laughs)

(knocking on door)

(mutes TV)

(knocking continues)

Yo!

Irv, what's going on, man?

Isn't it obvious?

I've been raped.

Been raped?

The Sabers' front office just took turns with me, Derwin.

They passed me around like I was their bitch.

Oh, damn. Maybe you should...

Don't you touch me!

I'm still raw.

Irv, what are you talking about?

Why didn't you tell me you re-injured your knee?

What?

What?

They compared your X-rays

from when the season wrapped to your recent ones,

and it seems some kind of trauma happened.

So what was it, Derwin?

Little crump dancing contest, huh?

Little pick-me-up game with the boys?

Nah, I don't know.

I guess I must've hurt it squabbing with old boy.

Squabbing? Really?

Well, Derwin,

I hope you got to be on top

'cause your career is in the toilet.

The Sabers think you're damaged goods.

Wait, wait a minute, Irv.

What are you trying to say to me?

The Sabers could cut me?

Yo, Irv, come...

T-Tell me something.

Honestly, Derwin, I don't know what the hell's gonna happen.

Okay?

But if I were you, I'd start saving my money.

And stop buying all these damn sticks!

(door opens)

Hey, baby. (door closes)

Is everything okay?

Hmm? What, that?

(chuckles): Oh.

What, that right there?

That's just Irv. You know, he trippin'.

That's what I pay him good money to do is trip.

Derwin, if my tuition is a problem...

Baby girl, okay, I said I got you.

All right, everything's gonna be all good.

(sniffing)

You smell that?

Is that the trash?

Oh.

(laughs)

I've been meaning to take this thing out.

So, I'm gonna go take this out,

and then I want you to show me how the doctor operates.

Okay. Mmm.

You're gonna wash your hands first, right?

Mel, go back there

and prepare the gurney or medical table or something.

Okay.

(pounding on door)

JASON: Okay. Okay.

What's up? Hey, I need to talk to you.

Come right in.

Damn, dude, what are you, what are you, a vampire?

Oh... what?

Oh, J, man,

I'm done.

Dude, is that your trash?

Irv said there's something wrong with my contract.

The Sabers may not resign me because I re-injured my leg.

(exhales)

J?

J? Hmm?

Oh, no, I'm sorry, I was just cursing myself

for ever opening the door. What's up?

Damn it, J, I'm...

I'm stressing here, man!

I got obligations now

with Janay, the baby,

Melanie moving back in... Hey, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Melanie?

You're not supporting her, too, are you?

I... (speaks gibberish)

No, we started...

(speaks gibberish)

Dude, let me show you something. You see that?

You see it?

You're stupid.

Look at me, dude. I'm living in a rat hole.

Yeah. No, take it all in.

Take it all in.

This is what happens to you when you take care of people.

Especially women.

It won't be long before your nose is pressed up

against the glass of the windows of your own house

'cause you're not inside sipping cocoa by the fire.

No, no, no, you are outside urinating in your own bushes

'cause you forgot to go when you were inside.

What has become of my life?!

I'll tell you something, young Ding Dong.

When I was your age, I... (TV begins playing adult movie)

That's... it's... that's a...

educational thing that...

it came, it was on and, um, why won't it turn off?

I don't know. Oh!

Oh, dawg, why didn't you tell me you were busy?

Nah, you know, man, I... (clears throat)

I'm lonely.

Please don't go.

Not in a kinky way, it'd just...

be nice to have some company.

Oh, my God.

Derwin.

You've been gone

for, like, three hours.

I was just about to call the police.

What? No, I just missed the trash pickup

and walked over to the dump.

Um... okay.

(sighs) Look, Derwin.

Really, if my tuition is too much of a stretch for you,

I can take out a loan or something.

Really?

A loan.

You know, that might be cool.

I mean, why not?

They're giving free money away.

Who are we not to take it, you know?

Yeah, a loan.

(scoffs)

That'd be the move.

So, are you cool?

'Cause I'm cool.

(cell phone beeps, line ringing)

Hello?

Hey, Mom.

It's me.

Me who?

Melanie.

(sighs)

I need your help.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, Mother, do you know how hard

it is for me to ask you for money?

Do you know how hard it is for me to give it to you?

Oh, God, Mom!

Please! I wouldn't ask you if...

Oh, wait, wait.

Hold on. Before you start begging,

let me get your father on the line.

He's going to love this.

Uh, hello?

Hello? Hello?

(dialing)

Yeah. Mom, what happened?

Well, I'm trying to do a three-way.

Oh, God! Okay, Mom,

please never say that again, okay?

Just patch your father in.

(dialing)

(line ringing)

Hello? Yeah.

Um, Dr. Barnett, please.

His daughter.

Melanie? What's wrong?

Nothing, Dad. I'm fine.

Mom wants to do a three-way.

What? How did you know?

What? Huh?

Wait. Hold on.

Yes. Mom?

Melanie, I don't Dad?

have time to play on the phone. Come on.

GRACE: Your daughter lost her grant because

of her poor grades, so she needs money for her white coat.

What in the name of...?

Your grades weren't good enough to get the white coat?

Getting the white coat was

the second greatest moment of my life.

Tell her the greatest moment, dear.

Putting that crisp white coat on my buttery, smooth skin.

It is smooth.

(laughs)

Okay, why is it that everyone

finds so much humor in my misery?

Melanie, you brought this misery on yourself--

moving in with that boy...

Leaving Johns Hopkins.

Moving in with that boy.

Honestly, the choices you make.

Okay, you know what, Mom?

Fine, don't help me.

We didn't say we wouldn't help,

but we need to know that you're serious.

JAMES: Melanie, listen, you are 25 years old.

It's time you put away childish things.

Are you ready to put away childish things?

Yes.

I could not hear her.

Could you hear her, James?

Just barely.

Honey, we can't hear you. Speak up.

I'm ready to put away childish things.

There, see how easy that was? That's all we wanted.

JAMES: Exactly.

Now, if you want us to pay your tuition and expenses,

you're going to have to be focused.

(quietly): Yes!

Okay, I-I will.

GRACE: See, Melanie? We're on your side.

We love you, and we want you to succeed.

We just knew you were never going to

while you were with that ballplayer.

Didn't Mommy tell you

that once you got rid of him, everything would be fine?

Melanie?

Yeah, I'm here.

(laughter)

See? Isn't this nice, y'all?

All of us together

just like one big ol' happy family.

That's sweet, Tasha. Mm-hmm.

See, aren't you glad I didn't put that hit out on you?

'Cause you would have been dead,

and then none of us would be able to enjoy

this delicious barbecue, okay?

Uh, hi. I hope I'm in the right place.

Uh, it's a little late to be cleaning the pool, huh, Jackson?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I-I'm not the pool guy.

Well, you're too pale to be the gardener,

so who the hell are you?

I'm Joe, um, Kelly's date.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Hey!

Ooh-ooh. (laughs)

Hey, Kelly's not here yet,

but I'm Tasha. Hi. I-I brought wine.

I thought red, but then I didn't know what you were serving,

so I brought white, too.

But then I realized some people don't drink,

so I brought some apple cider, but that's got so many calories

and I know Kelly's into the whole workout thing,

so I brought water.

I talk a lot when I'm nervous.

Okay, well, go on,

sit your little nervous ass down, all right?

I'm gonna call Kelly

and put a little fire under her skinny butt, okay?

Yo.

Malik Wright.

Saw you pass for 400 yards against the Arizona Agaves.

Yeah, buddy.

You and 23 million other people who have cable.

Rick Fox.

Kelly, where are you?

(sighs) I can't do this.

I've tried on over 20 dresses, and they all look like crap.

Okay, well, that ain't never stopped you before.

Look, I don't know.

Maybe I'm just not ready to start dating again.

Okay, Kelly... look, now, you know

I don't know how to entertain white people.

All right, now, go on.

Get your ass over here.

I can't do it.

I'm sorry.

Just make something up.

Yeah, I've been a big fan for a while.

Uh, you probably don't remember,

but I met you a couple years ago

at a party-- Derek Fisher's house.

Oh, okay.

You friends with Fish?

Actually, no, I was bartending back then.

Kelly got a bartender. Perfect.

(laughter)

It's great to see you two are still together.

What you mean? What two?

JOE: Well, Rick and Robin.

Now, what now?

What you mean, it's good

to see y'all two still together? I know, right?

And they say Hollywood relationships never last.

Relationships?

Y'all were in a relationship?

It was a long time ago, right, Rick?

For, like, a minute, maybe a few seconds.

Look, I don't even remember it.

Hey, hey, wait a minute now.

Am I missing something here?

He's with her now, and-and I-I'm married to him,

and-and she's his mother.

Oh, God.

Can I get a refill on this?

Why in the hell didn't you tell me

y'all was in a relationship, woman?

Because it was no big deal.

Hey, hey, wait a minute now.

Uh-oh. You know how they say that technically you've slept

with everyone that your partner slept with?

Well, if they've slept together, then that means...

I'm still talking a lot, aren't I?

When do you think Kelly's gonna be here?

Never. She ain't coming.

She said she don't want to date your ass.

She say it all angry like that?

Boy.

Good night.

Okay, wait a minute.

Did y'all two sleep together?

Oh, God.

I'm going to hell.

Ain't this about a bitch!

You're just determined to embarrass me, ain't you?

Huh? Fake ass marriage.

Anybody else you want to tell me about, Robin?

Marta, Tee Tee, the bartender?

I'm sorry, Malik.

How was I supposed to know that I slept

with your mother's secret boyfriend?

You know what, Robin? It's a wrap, okay?

No more sex!

Maybe ever!

Promise?!

Bye, Rob. Uh!

Bye, Rick.

Tasha, look, really...

Who else have you slept with, Rick?

Tasha, don't go there.

Or maybe I should ask you who haven you slept with.

We're both grown, Tasha.

We both have pasts.

Okay, well, why do I have the feeling

your past is way more freaky than mine?

Tasha, I'm Rick Fox.

Rick Fox.

Okay, look, I know who the hell you are, Rick.

So I've been around.

I never hid that from you.

Shoot, all you have to do is pick up the tabloids

if you want to see what I've been up to.

That is in the past.

Now I'm with you.

If you can't get over who I used to date

or who I was married to

or who duct-taped me and left me

in the backseat of a car for half an hour

just because I forgot the safe word...

...then we're gonna have problems.

Do we have a problem, Tasha?

Hey.

Hey, what's up, Boo?

What you been up to?

Oh, you know, just hanging out,

getting these papers signed, uh, for Janay.

For who now?

Uh, for Janay-- I added her to my health insurance

and took out a life insurance policy.

It's just to be safe, you know,

in case anything happened to me before the baby comes, you know?

(chuckles)

$5 million?

Yeah, Mel, it's just a precaution.

Yeah, right.

(chuckles)

Yo, Mel, come on, for real.

(sighs) You know what?

I can't do this anymore.

You can't do what, huh?

Well, what can't you do, Mel, huh?

Damn! You know, Melanie,

I'm getting real tired of telling you this stuff already.

Really, Derwin? Yeah, really, Melanie.

Really, really, you're tired? Yeah.

Well, guess what.

I'm tired, too, okay?

Tired of having to

hold my tongue

and walk on eggshells about Janay and this baby

when all I really want to is...

(yells)

Yo!

Melanie, you need to calm down.

God!

Oh, yeah, that's it.

Break up my house and take off.

You know what?

I spent an hour on the phone with my parents-- my parents!--

begging and pleading with them to give me money for my tuition

while they berated me like a child, Derwin!

Like a child!

And I just had to take it.

I just took it because I have no one else to go to.

I had to crawl back to my parents

because "my man" has other priorities.

You couldn't help me out,

but you can sign over your life for Janay?

For the baby, Melanie! Yeah, well, it's the same

damn thing, Derwin! You know what?

Melanie, it's not always about you, okay?

I mean, listen to yourself.

Complaining you had to run back

to your mommy and daddy for money.

Well, at least you have a mommy and daddy!

Well, I thought I had you.

Yeah, Doc, well, it's not my fault

that your punk-ass boyfriend ran up on me.

If he didn't, I wouldn't be in this position!

(scoffs): Excuse me?

Excuse me? So-so this is my fault?!

Yeah, it is.

There it is, Mel. I said it.

Okay?

My career could be over.

Hell, my life could be over, so I'm not gonna let you

or anyone else get in the way of me taking care of my kid.

(sighs): W... Wow.

So, there it is. There it is.

You said it. Uh-huh.

Your kid is more important than me.

Yes, he is, damn it.

(sobs softly)

How am I supposed to compete with that?

You can't.

You know what? You're right!

I can't!

(sobbing) * It's the way that you see it

* And the way you believe it

Oh, God.

I'm done, Derwin!

(grunts)

* And you know that you could fly *

* Though sometimes

* It feels like you need a miracle *

* 'Cause you know it ain't right *

* Not seeing the light

* You said good-bye

* Ah...

* And don't let it get to you

* Leave your worry far behind

* You'll be all right

* Ah...

* You never know...

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