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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:02,465
BOY:
Good morning, everyone.
2
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,513
On behalf of all the kids
at Fallen Angels Group Home,
3
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:08,378
I'd like to welcome you to the
induction of the Sunbeam House,
4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:11,409
an event made possible
through the generous,
5
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:14,345
generous donation from the women
of the San Diego Sabers.
6
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,382
(applause)
7
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,491
Where the hell
is Kelly's ass?
8
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,562
I don't know.
9
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,760
She was supposed to be here,
like, 30 minutes ago.
10
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,262
Well, call her again.
11
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,234
Hell, she the one that
dragged us into this mess.
12
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,802
Bitch got us down here
like Daddy Warbucks
13
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,070
with these damn kids.
14
00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:36,072
Oh, hey, there,
little orphan.
15
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,574
I like your shoes.
16
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:40,335
Our whole lives
people have abandoned us--
17
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:43,814
our parents, our teachers,
the system.
18
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,584
But thank God for Kelly Pitts.
19
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,453
God, still no answer.
20
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,821
Well, call her ass again.
21
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:51,589
You know what, if you ain't
about the laziest so-and-so.
22
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,589
Mrs. Pitts is the one person
in the whole wide world
23
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,721
who would never
turn her back on us.
24
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,486
And to show our appreciation,
25
00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:00,325
we've decided to present her
with this special award.
26
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,701
Mrs. Pitts, this is for you.
27
00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:06,471
Um, Mrs. Pitts?
28
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,471
BOY:
Mrs. Pitts?
29
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,374
Mrs. Pitts?
30
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,706
Everybody hates us!
31
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,482
(boy sobbing)
32
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,480
(door slams)
33
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,481
Well, do something.
34
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:22,453
Timmy got a gun, y'all!
35
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,331
Nice.
36
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,867
Good use of light
and shadows.
37
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,136
Ah, nice.
38
00:01:48,176 --> 00:01:49,476
You're just
missing his...
39
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:50,740
I'm not missing a damn thing.
40
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,848
All right.
41
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:58,315
Kelly Pitts, if you were black,
I'd slap the black off of you.
42
00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,522
What?
43
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,463
Girl, you in here painting some
terrifying little pictures
44
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:03,389
when you were supposed
to be down at the group home.
45
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,264
Can we talk about this later?
46
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,463
Kelly, why the hell
weren't you at...
47
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:09,464
Oh... hello.
48
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,327
Hmm, damn.
49
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,235
Okay, wait,
is this supposed to be him?
50
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:16,798
I know he little,
but he ain't that little.
51
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,307
Hey! You should've been here
before the AC kicked in.
52
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,340
I looked like a Spartan.
53
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,183
You know,
'cause my sword's so big.
54
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,682
(chuckling):
Honey, ain't nobody
55
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,623
checking for
your sword, pinky.
56
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,448
All right? So, you just stand
on up there and look shriveled.
57
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,289
How did you guys
know I was here?
58
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,621
Your loudmouth daughter
told us.
59
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,385
You know, she'll do
anything for five dollars.
60
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:37,734
That's really not
a good sign, Kelly.
61
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:38,828
What happened?
62
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,589
Everybody was
expecting you today.
63
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,228
I'm done with the Sunbeams.
64
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,474
You're what?!
65
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:52,839
I'm done.
66
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,743
I am finally getting
rid of all the things
67
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,405
in my life that
remind me of Jason.
68
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,984
Oh, so, that's why your painting
ain't got no genitalia.
69
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,682
Kelly, the Sunbeams
isn't just about Jason.
70
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,745
Maybe not, but if I went
to that event today,
71
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,794
I would still be
Mrs. Jason Pitts.
72
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:08,419
And I am done with
being Mrs. Jason Pitts.
73
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:10,356
No more backsliding.
74
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,331
Okay, wait a minute.
75
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:12,889
Now, is all of this
about you backsliding
76
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,326
in the bedroom with Jason?
77
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,232
Maybe.
78
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,574
(Tasha scoffs)
Wow, okay, okay.
79
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:20,298
So you punish those
poor little kids today
80
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,774
because you felt guilty?
81
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,302
Melanie, they're orphans,
they'll be fine.
82
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,507
Those kids are survivors.
83
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,809
Well, why couldn't you
have just called us, Kelly?
84
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,881
You know,
what's up with the secrecy?
85
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:31,250
She cutting us
loose, girl.
86
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,379
Mm-hmm, see that's
why she hiding in here
87
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,624
with all these
white people.
88
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,418
No, she's not.
89
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,391
Are you?
90
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:40,019
Damn right
she is!
91
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,823
Look, you guys,
I'm sorry.
92
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,955
I-- look, honestly,
I just...
93
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,961
I just need
a little space.
94
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,333
Please, don't take
this personally.
95
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,702
Oh, you mean space from
your black friends. What?
96
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,301
No! This has nothing to
do with anyone's blackness.
97
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,704
It's about me.
98
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,265
I just need to get
my head on right.
99
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,338
We understand.
100
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,513
The hell we do!
101
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,381
You know what, don't
nobody break up with me.
102
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:03,780
I break up with
you, all right?
103
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,451
So, from now on
just make sure
104
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:08,349
your ass stay two
asses away from me.
105
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,620
(sighs)
Smooches.
106
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:18,332
Mayo, mustard, mustard,
107
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:20,658
relish, mayo.
108
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:21,804
(knocking on door)
109
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,299
What up, what up, neighbor?
110
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,571
Tone it down,
sunshine.
111
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,068
Not in the mood.
112
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,439
Sorry, dude.
What's your deal?
113
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:29,869
Oh, you mean besides the fact
114
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,343
that my wife left me,
I'm living in the projects?
115
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:34,443
J, you do know
I live here, right?
116
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:36,335
Yeah, but you grew up poor--
this is your natural habitat.
117
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:37,607
This is your pond.
118
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,305
You swim with the ghetto fish.
119
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,977
(chuckles):
With the ghetto fish.
120
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,054
Wow.
121
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,952
Yeah, I see
somebody got jokes.
122
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:44,994
What do you want, Ding Dong?
123
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,718
I want to give you the stuff
you asked me for.
124
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,016
One towel,
125
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,357
one fork, one knife.
126
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:55,033
And one Holy Bible. Hmm...
127
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:57,502
Conveniently jumped back
on the God wagon, have we?
128
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:58,831
Wow.
129
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,466
You know what, J, I'll admit.
130
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:01,571
I've been a bit
of a fair-weather friend
131
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,442
to the big G-O-Dizzle,
but I got to tell you, man,
132
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,511
going to church
has really helped me
133
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,339
get through this Janay
situation, man.
134
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:09,405
Yo! You should come
with me tonight.
135
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,743
Okay, I'll come.
136
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:12,448
Oh, really?
No.
137
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,910
J, it's free.
138
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,417
Dude, I got...
I got stuff,
139
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,519
so much stuff to
do around here.
140
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:18,451
Man, like what?!
141
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:22,686
I got fork to put away
and towel to fold.
142
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:25,533
But, hey, you tell Jesus
I said, "What up?"
143
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,629
Okay, pal.
Have fun in hell.
144
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,601
I'll see you there.
(laughs): I'm out, man.
145
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:33,926
(door closes)
146
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,967
(beatboxing quietly)
147
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,477
(scoffs)
148
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,818
Whatever.
149
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,421
(sighs)
150
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:53,623
* Baby, this is the night
151
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,094
(bell rings)
152
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,862
All right, all right, y'all
know what that sound means.
153
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,560
It's time to take off
another piece of clothing.
154
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:01,402
If y'all ain't with it,
y'all can hit it.
155
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:02,799
* To me or you
156
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:05,470
* Baby, this is the night
157
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,869
* Let the feeling
take over you *
158
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,571
* The night is young,
what you want to do? *
159
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:13,114
* Forget the drama
you're going through *
160
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:16,540
* 'Cause, baby,
this is the night, night *
161
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:17,877
What's up, pig?
162
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,581
Beast!
(laughs)
163
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,653
Boy, you picked a hell of
a night to roll through.
164
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:22,652
Yeah, apparently.
165
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,123
Hey, Fluorescent Fridays
may be a little rough
166
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,421
for somebody
like yourself.
167
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,553
Nah, I'm good, man.
I'm good.
168
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:27,957
Cool, cool.
Hey, well,
169
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,118
it's about time
you came through
170
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,486
and barked with
the big dogs, baby!
171
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,494
(barking)
172
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,625
I couldn't before;
I was a married man. (scoffs)
173
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,461
Please, I'm married.
174
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,426
JUVON:
Man, no wonder y'all
175
00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:38,465
relationships
ain't work out.
176
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,499
Y'all don't have
respect for women.
177
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:43,836
Damn!
178
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:45,571
I would slap
my mama to beat
179
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,136
that fat ass
into submission.
180
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,444
(Malik laughs)
181
00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,606
Hey, man, well,
since you're here,
182
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:53,554
feel free to partake
in anything you see.
183
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,481
And I do mean anything.
184
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,947
Yeah, I just...
185
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,745
Where's all
the classy women at?
186
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,157
What you mean?
White women?
187
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,159
No, like, you know,
the Alyssa Milanos,
188
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:07,901
the Traci Binghams,
the Soleil Moon Fryes.
189
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,098
Oh, we don't have
no Moon Fryes,
190
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,159
but we do have
mozzarella sticks,
191
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,527
nachos and
chicken fingers.
192
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,065
(laughs):
Dawg, you stupid, man.
193
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,070
I'm gonna get a drink.
194
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,701
All right,
you do that.
195
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:18,506
* 'Cause, baby,
this is the night, night *
196
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,609
Jazz, girl, those jeans
look so good on you.
197
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,711
What are those, like,
some vintage designer label?
198
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,553
Girl, please,
these are knockoffs.
199
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:26,508
You know I'm not spending
my money on that crap.
200
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,675
Jason Pitts.
Pleasure to meet you.
201
00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,847
The pleasure
will be all mine.
202
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,259
I'm so glad that
you called us
203
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,103
to reconnect after
all these years, Kel.
204
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,770
The Valley just has
not been the same
205
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,828
without its "K-style."
206
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,237
Aw, well, don't worry
because the "K-style" is back.
207
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,599
Yes.
And she's single
208
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:51,808
and ready to mingle!
209
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:52,809
(giggles)
210
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,580
Ah, to be
optimistic again.
211
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:57,238
The girls back in Reseda
are going to be so jealous
212
00:07:57,277 --> 00:08:00,647
when they hear that we
actually went to Clear.
213
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,651
I feel like I'm in
Sex in the City!
214
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,623
Guys, it's going to be so great.
215
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,052
It'll be like high school
all over again.
216
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,216
Yeah!
Yeah!
217
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:08,294
Except Faye's not
pregnant and you're not
218
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,761
under the bleachers,
making out with some black guy.
219
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,091
Oh, hey.
220
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,825
Perhaps I spoke
too soon. Hi.
221
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:16,831
Sorry, girls,
we're filled to capacity.
222
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,774
Oh, what?
But I called ahead.
223
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,229
We're on the guest list.
224
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,197
The guest list closed
at 10:00, ma'am.
225
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,895
Come on!
226
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,009
You can come in.
227
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,280
What about my friends?
228
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,278
Yeah. Hi.
229
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,749
You can come in.
230
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:32,879
Ugh!
231
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,113
Hell of a girls
night out, Kel.
232
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,577
Let's just go to
the bowling alley.
233
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,716
If I'm lucky, I can find
a drunk to feel me up.
234
00:08:39,251 --> 00:08:40,891
Wait a minute.
235
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,561
Why do they get to go in?!
236
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:45,030
'Cause they smell like Chanel
and you smell like crayons.
237
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,028
That's her.
238
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:47,329
Guilty.
(laughs, snorts)
239
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,730
I told Matthew, "Mommy's
purse is not for play."
240
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,004
He's so talented,
though. Yeah.
241
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,603
Psst, hey, over here.
242
00:08:56,637 --> 00:09:00,167
Listen, lady, women throw cash
at me all day long.
243
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:04,177
Now, um, if you want to go
out back for a little while...
244
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,351
Saddle up,
we're in.
245
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,648
What?
246
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:07,720
No!
247
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:08,878
(sighs)
248
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,046
Oh. Uh...
249
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,254
Kelly, this is ridiculous.
250
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,885
Why don't you just
tell them who you are?
251
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,661
You know,
252
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,629
Mrs. Jason Pitts?
253
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,928
No, I already told you guys,
I'm not Kelly Pitts anymore.
254
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,900
I'm back to Kelly Platski.
255
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,129
You spent all of high school
as "Flatski Platski"
256
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,804
and now you want to go back? No.
257
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,603
Excuse me, bro-ham, yo.
258
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,735
I don't think you know who
you're dealing with here, okay?
259
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,740
This is Jason Pitts' wife.
260
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,372
Yeah! Not to mention
261
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:37,646
Reseda High's senior class
vice president. Twice!
262
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,748
Oh, snap!
263
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,680
I love Jason Pitts.
264
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:44,015
Come on, y'all.
265
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:47,621
Got a nice VIP table
waiting for you in the back.
266
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:48,715
Oh, thank God!
267
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,686
'Cause I got to pump.
268
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,231
(squealing)
269
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,302
Get it, get it,
get it! Now! Now!
270
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,330
Ooh, I like it!
271
00:09:58,365 --> 00:09:59,625
(giggling)
(growling)
272
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,167
Yes!
Mmm!
273
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,241
That's yummy!
MALIK: Mm-hmm!
274
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,210
Everybody classy when you're
wearing vodka goggles, huh, boy?
275
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,708
Buddy!
276
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,340
I'm having so much fun,
I'm gonna die!
277
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,705
No, no, don't hold back, baby!
278
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,383
Go on, do it,
die, boy! Maybe I will!
279
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,651
ALL (chanting):
Die! Die! Die! Die!
280
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:16,781
Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
281
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,747
Die!
Die! Die! Die! Die!
282
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,046
I love you, buddy!
Die! Die! Die!
283
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,887
I love my buddy!
Die! Die! Die!
284
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,422
I'm going to die!
Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
285
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,857
Who's going to die?!
Die! Die! Die! Die!
286
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,034
I'm going to die!
Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
287
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,402
I'm going to die!
Die! Die! Die! Die!
288
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:34,271
I'm dead!
Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
289
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,371
("Just Dance"
by Lady Gaga playing)
290
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,273
* Konvict
* Gaga
291
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,165
Are you gonna move?!
292
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:42,707
* Oh-oh, eh
293
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:45,153
* I've had a little bit
too much, much *
294
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,708
* Oh, oh, oh-oh
295
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,047
VIP, bitches!
296
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,252
(whooping)
297
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,854
Good call on
the peppermint martinis, Kel.
298
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,246
They're fantastic.
299
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,957
Yeah, but 17 bucks?
300
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,290
You know how many diapers
I could buy with that?
301
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,756
A lot!
302
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,834
Way to kill my buzz, Faye.
303
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,063
Why don't you tell me again
304
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,827
how your va-jay-jay tore
during delivery?
305
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:08,838
Five stitches!
306
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:12,709
Little Matthew's head
was in the 99th percentile.
307
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:13,910
Ouch.
308
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,009
Uh, what's this?
309
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,184
Compliments of the owner.
310
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,051
He wanted to show
his appreciation
311
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,020
for having Mrs. Jason Pitts
in his club tonight.
312
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:26,087
(giggles)
313
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,149
Okay, send it back.
314
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,217
We don't want it.
315
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,715
Are you crazy?
316
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,417
The last time we got
a free bottle of champagne,
317
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:33,728
Faye's va-jay-jay was intact.
318
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,761
God, I miss the '90s.
319
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,726
So, Mrs. Pitts,
320
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:41,495
uh, we have complimentary
OJ mixer, vodka, tequila.
321
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,744
We have some appetizers
right here.
322
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:46,271
Coming up,
some hot wings,
323
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,736
and, um,
can you get your husband
324
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,406
to send me an autographed photo?
325
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,753
Normally,
I wouldn't ask.
326
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:54,350
It's just that
I love the Sabers,
327
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,351
and I'm from San Diego, so...
328
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,093
L.A. doesn't have a team.
329
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,788
Just give me the address
and get the hell out of my face.
330
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,921
Yeah, it is right here.
331
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,516
God. This is ridiculous.
332
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,187
I come all the way to L.A.,
333
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,526
and I'm still constantly linked
to Jason.
334
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,801
Listen, honey, I hate to be
the one to break it to you,
335
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:11,801
but being linked to Jason
336
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,432
is the best thing that's ever
happened to you.
337
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,566
I mean,
unless you count
338
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:17,101
sleeping with Darnell Johnson
before he got herpes.
339
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,137
Mm-hmm.
340
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,241
What are you talking about?
341
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:22,342
I had plenty of stuff going on
before I met Jason.
342
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,475
Oh, yeah, like what?
343
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,150
Cheerleading.
344
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,948
And I filled out an application
to beauty school.
345
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:28,981
Oh, sweetie,
346
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:31,146
there is
nothing wrong
347
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,924
with admitting that your life
wouldn't have been as great
348
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,824
if Jason hadn't come along.
349
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,125
I mean,
if-if that's how you feel.
350
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,930
Not that you should.
351
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:45,032
Oh, God, I'm leaking.
352
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,495
Look, take it from me.
353
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,903
Life is a lot more difficult
for an average girl
354
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,196
dating an average guy.
355
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,467
Hell,
356
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:52,914
Tuesday night, I've got a date
357
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:53,940
with Darnell Johnson.
358
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,382
What? I'm bringing condoms.
359
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,810
MAN:
Excuse me.
360
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,547
KELLY:
Let me guess--
361
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,081
you want an autograph.
362
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,546
No, I didn't want one.
363
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,224
Should I?
364
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,423
Oh.
365
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,094
I'm so sorry.
366
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,262
But I-I'll take that autograph
367
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,990
if your phone number
comes with it.
368
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,434
(giggles)
369
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:16,332
I'm Joe.
370
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:18,897
It's a pleasure to meet you.
371
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,568
Hi. Ladies.
372
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:26,013
Hey, you got any friends?
373
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,007
Male, female-- I'm not picky.
374
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:31,377
Here.
375
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,279
The name's Kelly Platski.
376
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,084
She was vice president
377
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,946
of our senior class.
378
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,885
But only one time.
379
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,520
Congratulations.
380
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,164
(laughs)
381
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,290
* Da-da, doo-doo
382
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,964
* Just dance
383
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,293
* Spin that record, babe
384
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,827
* Da-da, doo-doo, just dance.
385
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:56,873
(knocking on door)
386
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,914
(groans)
387
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,478
(groans):
Oh.
388
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:03,539
(knocking continues)
389
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:06,006
I'm coming!
390
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,046
(sighs)
391
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,577
Hey.
392
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,018
Hey!
393
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,523
Krittany, Belly, what...
394
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,024
What are you
guys doing here?
395
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,026
Uh, it's your day
with Brittany.
396
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,528
What, did you forget?
397
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,389
No. I didn't forget, no.
398
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:24,328
Um, I-I have this, uh,
terrible headache,
399
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,604
and I was hoping maybe
we could switch days.
400
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,403
Jason, you know I've got
to work this weekend.
401
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,065
Okay, cool, cool.
Um, all right.
402
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,003
Well, maybe I-I could
take a shower,
403
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,138
get all showered up,
take some medicine,
404
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,542
then I'll come pick up Brit Brat
in, like, an hour or so?
405
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,644
What do you say?
How's that sound?
406
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:36,635
Does that sound good?
407
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:37,976
Jason, what's going on?
408
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,151
Huh? Nothing, nothing.
409
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:41,949
I just got this...
It's a... headache.
410
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,222
I think it's a sinus thing.
411
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,891
(toilet flushes)
412
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,624
Um...
413
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,385
I'm having plumbing problems.
414
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,433
Jason, who is in the bathroom?!
415
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:53,659
No one. I...
(door opens)
416
00:14:57,264 --> 00:15:00,074
Ooh, she's so cute.
417
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,470
Hey.
418
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,941
Um, where do you
keep the towels?
419
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,341
Kelly, I can explain.
420
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,513
Don't bother.
Okay?
421
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:08,540
(sighs)
422
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:09,705
Uh, the towels?
423
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:10,812
Are you kidding me?
424
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,113
I only have one towel,
I'm not letting you use it.
425
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:13,946
Hold up, hold up. Wait.
426
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,181
Wait a minute.
(elevator bell dings)
427
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,175
Who was that lady?
428
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,946
Is she gonna be
my stepmother?
429
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:20,085
'Cause I've seen Cinderella,
and I'm not down with that!
430
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,690
No, Brit Brat.
431
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:22,961
Jason, I can't believe you.
432
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,160
(sobbing):
How could you do this?!
433
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,691
No, hold up.
Hey, hold up! Look, hey!
434
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,385
I'm sorry Brittany
had to see this, Kel.
435
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,097
My choice has always been
to be with you.
436
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,129
You're the one pushing me away.
437
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,973
Stop it!
438
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,399
You're making Mommy cry!
439
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,043
(sighs)
440
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,368
Come on, baby.
441
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,373
Just go!
442
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:38,514
Kelly...
443
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:39,968
Just go!
444
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,479
(sighs)
445
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,285
Oh...
446
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,390
Your first time cheating?
447
00:15:57,590 --> 00:15:59,130
(sighs)
448
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,697
(clears throat)
449
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,459
Hey, God.
450
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:06,427
It's me, Jason Pitts--
451
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,436
San Diego Sabers, 88,
all-league wide receiver,
452
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,569
first-round draft pick.
453
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:11,573
Jason.
454
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,174
I'm just making sure.
455
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,036
There's, like, seven Jason
Pitts in San Diego alone.
456
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:15,835
There's one
in Riverside.
457
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,135
Went to elementary
school with him.
458
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,107
He was a booger eater.
459
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:20,175
I would hate for God
to confuse me with him.
460
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,153
No, Jason, listen.
461
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,021
God knows who you are,
he knows where you live,
462
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,220
and he knows what you do.
463
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:25,651
Isn't that Santa?
464
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,015
Who do you think
gave Santa his powers?
465
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,656
God.
That's right.
466
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,660
Okay, now are we gonna
get serious, or not?
467
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:34,692
Hell, yes. I mean--
You know what I mean.
468
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,297
Okay, I need you
to open up,
469
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,699
tell Him what's
in your heart.
470
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,430
Okay, you need to ease up,
ease up, ease up...
471
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:41,796
No one likes a
backseat pray-er.
472
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,444
Anyway, God...
473
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:47,341
I'm not too good at
this praying stuff.
474
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,214
To be honest, I'm not
even sure you exist.
475
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:51,542
I mean, Pat Roberts,
Al Sharpton,
476
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,478
Jesse Jackson,
Reverend Run.
477
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:54,553
Come on.
Not helping.
478
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:55,581
Dude...
479
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,215
I-I'm just saying,
I have my doubts
480
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,120
about the whole
religion thing.
481
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,121
Although I did sacrifice
a virgin or two
482
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,093
back in high school,
483
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,361
if you know
what I'm saying.
484
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:03,689
No, J, all right,
not cool, bro.
485
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:04,693
I didn't actually
kill 'em, I just...
486
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:06,133
No, stop it, all right?
487
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:07,289
Not cool,
not even a little bit.
488
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:08,457
All right, all right.
Know what?
489
00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:10,104
I'll pray for you.
Oh, we're done?
490
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,660
We are done.
All right, we tried.
491
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,128
My knees are hurting anyway.
492
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,368
(sighs)
493
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,115
All right, God,
numb-nuts is gone.
494
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,155
What's your deal?
495
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,090
Seriously?
496
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,756
Am I being punished?
Did I do something?
497
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,203
It's like, one day I look up,
498
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,230
everything I love
and cherish is gone.
499
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,125
And I...
500
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,137
I don't want my life
to be this way.
501
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,639
And I know I made
a lot of mistakes,
502
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,170
I know I did,
but I'm trying to fix them.
503
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,636
And you're not helping.
504
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,519
So I guess what I'm saying...
505
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:05,449
is I need you.
506
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,615
I need your help to fix it.
507
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,224
'Cause I love Kelly.
508
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,186
I really do.
509
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:13,163
And I know she loves me back.
510
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,733
And my little daughter...
511
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,732
Way that little girl
looked at me today, I...
512
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,765
My heart can't take it, man.
513
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,670
So I messed up, okay?
514
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,635
I know I did, and I admit that.
515
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,744
But I am begging you,
516
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:33,346
please, please don't take them
away from me.
517
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,750
Okay?
518
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,681
I need you to help me
make this right.
519
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,717
Please.
520
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:42,888
Okay?
521
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,559
(voice breaks):
Amen.
522
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,739
(clears throat)
523
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,771
Hey, Joe?
524
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,300
Hi, it's Kelly Platski.
525
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:31,867
Yeah.
526
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:32,874
(laughs)
527
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,205
How's it going?
528
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:35,641
I know.
529
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,475
I'm sorry
I missed your call earlier.
530
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,481
This Saturday?
531
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,223
Sure.
532
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,379
I'd love to go out.
533
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,619
What were you thinking?
534
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,957
Mm-hmm.
535
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:54,331
(laughs)
536
00:19:54,381 --> 00:19:58,931
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