Original subtitles

MALIK: What up, Ma?

Uh-uh, don't come up in here in the middle of our beef

trying to "what up" me, Malik.

You need to get out of my house

before I put some buckshots in your ass.

Okay, Ma, look, I came over here

'cause I'm tired of this mess between us now.

Well, you should be.

Hell, talking back to me like you some

trenchcoat-wearing, suburban white kid.

Come on, Ma, you know you my girl.

You know you my roll dog-- you just gonna have to get over this.

Just like I'm gonna have to get over you

calling me stupid all them times.

Get your stupid ass out the way.

What's in this basket, Malik?

Brandy?

Cognac?

Bourbon?

Is this the dark liquor basket?

Mm, no, not just.

Freeze-dried hot wings, extra-salty polly seeds...

Oh...

The Platinum Edition! The Platinum Edition!

Oh... Malik!

This is...

this is very classy.

Oh, yeah, Ma, one more thing.

Hm? Robin and I want you to come

to our wedding reception tomorrow. Ah!

See that? I knew your narrow ass wasn't sorry!

Malik, you've got the nerve to come up in here

with this delectable basket of treats

and try and bribe your way back into my life?

You know what, you and that

little fake-ass wife of yours, y'all are dead to me.

Okay, it's not fake, Ma-- she's my real wife,

and you need to respect that.

Mmm.

Plus, Essence magazine is coming to cover it.

How is that gonna look if my mother's not there?

Oh, so you want me to legitimize your mockery of matrimony?

Look, I came over here to mend fences with you,

give you a chance to get on board with this.

But if you're just gonna be difficult,

then I'm uninviting you.

Cool.

Cool. I'll invite my daddy, instead.

Give me his number.

Your daddy?

Yeah.

What's his name again?

After all I've done for you?

All you ever do is call me stupid, Ma.

That's because you are.

I'm not stupid!

Yes, you is!

I can't believe you did all of this.

All for you, baby. And your career.

Oh, look!

Here's the happy couple.

Well, this is quite some shindig

that you've put together here.

Oh, thank you, Sheila.

Oh, I don't know if you've met my wife Robin.

Baby, this is Sheila from Essence magazine.

Essence! (giggles) Good to meet you.

Thanks for coming.

So, guys, look, I'm not trying to be a downer,

you know, right now, but there is a little

skepticism out there about this union.

Well, for example,

where are the parental units?

It doesn't feel much like a wedding reception,

you know, without the parents.

Well, to be honest with you, Sheila,

we didn't put the celebration together

for our parents-- or for anyone else, for that matter.

We did it for us.

That's right. You let her know, baby.

Oh, I'm letting her.

(both chuckle) I love this man.

He put all of this together for me.

What woman wouldn't love that?

He's smart,

he's confident, he's Malik Wright.

The man, my man.

And I'm proud to be his woman.

Right, right, yeah.

(sensual moaning) RICK: That's good.

You have a lovely home, Mrs. Fox.

Why, thank you.

Ricky didn't tell me

he was bringing company, and I...

Remind me how you know this person.

Uh, Tasha and I know each other from ISM.

Oh.

Oh, are you the girl

who brings around the sandwiches?

Because I used to love the tuna.

With one side wheat and the other side white.

Just like me and Ricky's dad.

God rest his soul.

Uh, Dad's not dead, Mom.

He is to me, Rick.

Oh, I heard that, girl.

(laughing): Okay?

Were you in our conversation?

RICK: Uh...

maybe we should start the movie.

All right. Yeah.

Tonight's Imitation of Life.

Did you ever see Imitation of Life?

No.

It's a real tearjerker.

It's about a girl... who tries to pass.

I don't know what I was thinking,

but one day I tried to pass Ricky.

But with...

his curls, it was a dead giveaway.

It's a gift and a curse, Ricky, it's a gift and a curse, huh?

I have an idea.

Why don't you remake that movie?

Yeah, with you and... Halle Berry or someone.

RICK: Uh...

I'm doing the manager thing now, Mom.

(sighs) That's your problem--

you lack focus.

One day you're an actor, the next day you're a manager...

You know, actually, he's really quite a good manager.

And he's really coming into his own.

Ooh-hoo-hoo,

the sandwich girl has opinions.

You know, Mrs. Fox, I think you misunderstood,

but I'm not the sandwich girl.

(chuckles): Oh... really?

I'm sorry. My bad.

You haven't been a girl for a long, long time.

Hey, uh, how about we start the movie?

Anything you want, sweetie.

Help Mommy down. Okay.

Wow! This is amazing.

Yeah, we deserve this.

A night out with no Janay, no baby...

just me and my boo.

Aw... Mmm...

That's so sweet! That's how we do it.

(gasps) Ooh, Derwin!

Look! It's Tisha and Duane.

Oh! DUANE: Yo, what the hell?!

Um... Derwin!

Yo, Mel, I know them.

Oh! You were doing the push-and-meet.

I'm flattered!

Hey, my bad, y'all.

Uh, Tisha, Duane, this is my girl Melanie.

Hi. Hi.

I am so sorry to be such a fan.

You guys are such a hot couple.

Oh! In college,

Derwin and I were the Tisha and Duane of our dorm.

They called us "Dusha."

(chuckles)

Once again, I'm sorry, y'all.

(laughing): It's cool, it's cool.

I was the same way when I was pregnant.

Oh. No, no, no, no, no. I'm-I'm not pregnant.

(whispers): Babe... it's the other one.

TISHA (whispers): Oh, snap.

Um, let's just pretend it didn't happen, okay?

That's a good idea-- if they don't say anything,

we're not gonna say nothing, either. Okay.

My dude, we can hear you. Yeah.

Let's be out.

(scoffs)

Wow.

I like the...

(clears throat)

I wasn't expecting to see you here.

(laughs): At the bar?

At the reception, baby...

Or... Kelly.

(sighs) Hey, just because we're both here,

doesn't mean we have to hang around each other.

What's wrong with us hanging around each other?

I mean...

you know, for appearances.

I-I don't want to deal with the press drama.

It's supposed to be Malik's night-- you know, we should...

Jason, this divorce is real.

Is it? It is.

And I'm not about to...

SHEILA: There they are!

The Pitts!

As beautiful as ever.

How are you, Sheila?

Long time, no see.

I know, right?

So, look, I'm not trying to pry...

But...

But I noticed that you two came separately.

Could a breakup be my other exclusive?

The only exclusive here tonight is Malik and Robin.

But thanks for the concern.

Now, if you'll excuse us,

we're gonna go screw in the bathroom.

(chuckles): See ya.

Oh, my God, I missed you-- I am going to...

* Tear that stuff to pieces! *

Okay, Jason!

We're not really having sex.

No, but you just said...

Oh...

Oh.

(jazz playing over film soundtrack)

Okay, I can't take this anymore!

Ricky, you've got to make a choice.

It's either the sandwich person or me.

Mom, calm down.

No, I can't!

I just don't understand what you're doing.

She's distracting you from the movie.

She's distracting you from your career.

It's obvious she can't have any more kids.

Uh, now again, medicine has come a long way.

Not that far, lady.

Mom, leave Tasha alone.

(gasps) Now she's got you sassin' me?

Ricky, I don't know who you are anymore, but I'll tell you this.

You better start making some smart decisions,

or else you're going to end up being just another

washed-up ex-athlete, failed actor, has-been...

Yeah, with $50 million in the bank, Ma!

Honey, money can't buy you happiness.

You got $50 million in the bank?

You've got to stop this, Rick.

You got to stop making stupid decisions.

I'm not stupid.

Yes, you are!

Come on, Rick.

Let's just go.

Look, Rick...

if you want to be with an older woman...

...then it needs to be me.

You know what?

That's going to be the last time you call me old, all right?

Come on, Rick, let's go.

Tasha, my mom has always been there for me.

I never would have gotten here if it wasn't for her.

I told him to go

to North Carolina,

he went to the Final Four.

I told him to go with the Lakers, he got three rings.

I told him to shave his head...

Well, not everything works out for the best, but...

Rick, you're kidding me, right?

What, y-you're going to stay here with your mama?

Tasha, look, I don't want you to feel like you don't belong here.

I want you... No, no, no...

Let her feel. Feel.

You know what? It's cool.

It's cool, it's cool.

But from one overbearing mama to another--

and trust me when I say this...

What's that, lady?

You may think that because

you sacrificed everything

for your son that he owes you his allegiance.

Mm-hmm. But he doesn't.

All he owes you is his respect.

And on the flip side, you got to respect him and his choices.

He's a grown-ass man!

(mutters)

So stop feeling all over him!

'Cause that's just nasty.

It was nice meeting you.

Ma!

Well, it was.

Okay, everyone, if you could all take your seats,

I have a little toast I'd like to make.

Now there's going to be

a slide presentation, followed by an interpretive mime

and a small laser light show.

(music stops)

(clears throat)

The year was 1989... TASHA: Oh, oh!

Okay, okay, so y'all just gonna start the reception without me?

Ms. Mack, I'm gonna have to ask you

to hold it down till after the mime.

Shut up, boy. Don't nobody wanna hear no damn mime.

MALIK: Ma!

Love you! (happy groan)

Come here.

Oh, girl,

you better come here, ain't nobody gonna hurt you.

(both laugh)

Thanks for coming, Tasha.

Look, it's "Mama" now, okay?

And Mama needs to have a word with your husband.

Okay. All right.

(sighs)

Baby... I'm sorry I doubted you.

I raised you right,

and I know you're gonna make the right decisions.

Now, I may not always agree with them,

but I know they're going to be right for you.

And if you say that you love this woman,

then who am I to stand in your way?

Aw, thanks, Mama.

Oh! And, uh...

I think you might be needing this.

Big Mama's ring.

Mm-hmm. I even put real diamonds in it.

(laughs)

I love you, Mama. I love you more, baby.

(grunts) I'm so glad you're here.

("Double Dutch Bus" playing)

Oh, snap, Malik! Oh, yeah!

I had to do it...

DJ: All right, y'all. Since Ma'Dukes is in the house,

let's do this one for her and her baby boy.

* Oh, come up and getcha in

* Ah! Ah! Oh! Oh!

* There's a Double Dutch Bus comin' down the street *

* Movin' pretty fast

* So kinda shuffle your feet (rhythmic grunting)

* Get onto the bus, pay your fare * (rhythmic grunting)

* And tell the driver that you're goin' *

* To a Double Dutch Affair

* Fe, Fi... (chuckles)

So, how's the leg, Ding Dong?

You know, it's on the mend.

I'm really trying to keep my head while I work it out,

but I got to be honest with you, Jalen,

I'm really worried about my career, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel that.

You going to finish that steak?

So, you work for TV Guide?

Yes, I do.

Mm. Why did Girlfriends go off the air?

Ooh, girl, that's a long story.

Man, your girl shouldn't be drinking

while she's pregnant, right?

Jay, she's not

preg-- Melanie... No.

That's what I heard.

No, no, I'm done, okay? I'm sorry.

Let's just go. Can you wait a minute, p-please?

TEE TEE (over microphone): All right, thanks to them impromptu interruptions,

we lost the smoke guy,

and the mime had a reaction to the steak,

but I'm sure yours is fine, so if I can get...

Hey! Hey, y'all! I'm sorry to interrupt.

Hey... Really?

Are you really sorry, Derwin?

Tee Tee, ladies and gentlemen, Tee Tee.

(light applause)

Um, I'm Derwin Davis, Ding Dong, Number 81,

and I just really want to give a shout-out

to my date, the love of my life, Melanie Barnett.

Now, I know the streets is talking, okay?

But she is not pregnant.

My ex-girl is pregnant.

Yup, it's kind of cliché, but it's

true, so just to be clear... Love Melanie...

Having baby with ex...

Love the baby, especially if it's mine...

Do not love the ex, okay?

Thanks. Enjoy the mime.

(scattered applause, mic feedback squeaks)

DJ: Um...

okay, off that lovely announcement...

Would Mr. and Mrs. Wright

step on out here for your first dance?

(cheering, applause)

(slow ballad plays)

* The phrase, "falling in love" *

* Implies that you slipped

* And you didn't know where

* You were gonna land

* Out of control

* A shooting star...

All right, all right, the rest of y'all Sabers,

come on, now, you know how we do.

Let's get on out there and help 'em out on the dance floor.

* Well, I know just where

* I'll land

* I've fallen before

* And I've broken my wings...

Shall we?

He said, "Sabers." I kind of...

One dance.

* I'm not gonna fall

* In love anymore

* Gonna fly down

* And land in love

* With you...

Jason...

I'm sorry, I forgot.

I forgot, I'm sorry.

Let's get out of here.

Excuse me.

Man, can't you see I'm getting ready to go dance with my son?

Why don't you go dance with your mama?

Where your mama?

Nah, it's cool, Mom.

Talk shop with your boy.

I'm gonna go holla at my wife.

So, how did you know I'd be here?

A mama's boy always knows what a mama's going to do.

Tasha, I'm sorry.

Seriously.

I'm so used to my moms always being there

when I'm going to make a big decision.

I mean, I can handle "sneakers or dress shoes."

But the big stuff--

like standing out there on my own--

scares me.

But you give me a chance,

I'll show you the strong man I can be.

So, when you gonna start showing me?

There's a bathroom. Meet me there in five minutes.

Make it four.

I ain't wearing no panties.

Me, neither. Oh!

(moaning)

All right, I'm going to whip us up something to eat.

Mm.

Wai... Oh, wait, I don't want you to wake Brittany.

She might think we're getting back together.

What? Aren't we?

No.

I thought you understood

this is a one-time double-back.

It was an open bar, for God's sake!

Hey, are you kidding me?!

No, Jason, I'm not.

(sighs)

What's this?

Divorce papers!

So, what, so you set me up? You slept with me

so you could serve me?

No, I didn't!

I had a weak moment, and I figured since you were

already here, we might as well save the processor fee.

Oh, so we don't have to pay for that.

Hold on!

That's not the point.

Kelly, I swear... if I leave here

with these papers, I am not coming back.

I know.

* I'm not gonna fall

* In love anymore...

I've gotta say you did it; you did it.

This has been like a fairy tale.

* ...down and land in love... Hmm...

Well, it's not over, baby.

SHEILA: Excuse me.

Look, I want to apologize.

You guys...

have sold me.

This is real.

You two are real.

The cover of Essence real.

The cover?

Oh, see, that's what I'm talking about, Sheila.

Hey, anytime Essence can truly celebrate black love,

it's our pleasure.

Bye.

Malik, this has been the most amazing night of my life,

and I will never forget it.

Thank you so much.

Hmm, oh, on that note...

Robin, baby, this ring was my grandmother's ring.

And before that, it was her grandmother's ring.

And before that, it belonged to some crazy white woman

who actually thought owning another human being was okay.

(chuckles) We showed her.

Malik, I-I think that... No, no, no, baby.

Let me finish. Okay.

This ring has been handed down from generation to generation.

And now it's found its new home here,

on the finger of the woman I love.

Thank you.

Malik...

that's a beautiful story,

but this ring deserves to be on the finger

of the woman that loves you back.

And we both know that's not me.

What? Still?

Shh... Damn, Robin!

No. Shh, shh, shh.

I pulled out the Swarovski crystals. Stop...

The doves, the interpretive mime...

Malik, stop it, stop it.

And you still trippin'?

What about all that stuff you were saying tonight?

Hey!

Hey, what's up, brother?

How you doing?

Thanks for coming, man.

I'm so glad you came. Thanks.

I'm your man-- the man...?

How proud you are to be with me...?

Robin, you said you loved me.

Malik, I was acting.

What? And... scene.

(scoffs) Oh, come on, I'm just kidding.

Malik, this has been a wonderful night,

and you are a wonderful friend.

But nothing's changed between us.

So, what are you saying, Robin?

I'm saying that if you still think

that this is about feelings, then we made a mistake.

Now...

Hey.

...we can sit here and try to deal

with these feelings, or my lack thereof,

but clearly it's not going to work.

Maybe we should just pull the plug and move--

Pull the plug?! Yeah.

No, you ain't about to pull the plug on nothin', Robin.

Malik, shh.

You think you're about to embarrass me up in here?

Huh? Humiliate me? In front of all these people.

In front of my mom who already thinks I'm stupid? Shh, Malik!

Nah, you're not about to prove her right.

You got me twisted, Robin Givens.

Excuse me?

I stayed married to you for your reasons,

and now you're staying married to me for mine.

Now, put on my grandmama's ring and smile for this camera.

* I'm gonna fly down

* And land in love...

Black love. (giggles)

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