Original subtitles

(Beethoven's "Fur Elise" plays)

Welcome home, Mrs. Wright. (clicks tongue)

Malik, we need to talk business.

(piano flourish plays)

Terrence, do you mind?

Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to bring down the party.

(plays lively descending scales)

(light classical piano plays)

I think that we should start

making some appearances, you know.

I figured I'll go to a few of your games,

you can come to a few of my shows, and then

once the press starts referring to us as "Mobin,"

we'll do the cover of Essence.

You know, we'll-we'll do People,

we'll do In Style,

we'll do all the fashion magazines.

And then, suddenly, the casting directors are like

seeing my picture everywhere, you know?

And they're like, "Hey, Robin Givens,

you know, she's hot. Think we can get her?"

(giggles)

You know, feel free to chime in anytime.

Chime.

How about this?

Hi, Malik. Bravo, Tee Tee.

Robin... (music resumes)

do you know how much thought was put into this, hmm?

How much time this took Tee Tee?

Baby, I'm showing you that you're my Cinderella.

You're the girl I've been waiting for my whole life.

This is your turn to chime.

I thought you were redecorating.

Redec...? Wh...?

These white people, Robin,

huh? They're real.

Do you know how much it costs

to get real white people? Okay.

Okay, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

But come on, Malik.

Malik, we had a deal, okay?

And you knew going into this

that this was just all for publicity.

So I'm just sticking with the plan.

(chuckles)

Robin... Hmm?

are you really not feeling me at all?

(muffled grunt)

Of course, I care about you.

I even love you.

Just not in the decorate- my-place-in-all-

white kind of way, more like in the

hey-you-can-have- the-last-shrimp kind of way.

Actually, I really like shrimp, but you know what I'm saying.

Don't look so sad.

I love you in the

I'll-have-sex-with-you- once-in-a-while kind of way.

Great. Finally, a silver lining. Let's go.

No, no, no, no, I'm not talking about now. Uh-uh.

I-I have to get my... my hair done and my nails

for our newlywed Padres' game tomorrow.

You keep putting air quotes on the wrong words.

Whatever.

Okay, so after the game tomorrow night,

I'm going to have dinner with my publicist at 8:00.

So, yeah, I-I can spare an hour.

"7:00 p.m., Malik, sex."

And if I'm late, just start without me,

and I'll jump on it.

(chuckles)

Oh, come on, I had to get one of those right.

Yeah, my baby hitting those chops before bed?

Uh-oh, wait a minute.

Is the toothbrush back to stay?

Well, we've talked,

and we've decided she wants to try it out.

Nothing permanent.

She's not bringing the floss or anything.

But for the nights we do stay,

she wants me to have fresh breath.

Is your brush okay with that?

Well, I'll have to discuss it with him in the morning.

Oh... (sighs)

Mel, Mel, Mel, come on, come on,

not in front of the toothbrushes.

What? Derwin...

Derwin, what?

Mel, come on,

you know it's on the fritz.

Why are you messing with me?

Oh, baby, I... No.

Look, baby... Just...

I don't know. I'm not trying to upset you.

I'm trying to help you.

Or... you can help yourself out.

Okay, so you think this is a joke?

Okay, uh, I've got more.

Hey, hey, hey! Yeah.

I borrowed it from Kelly.

Ew, Mel, that's been on Jason's ass.

Well, I guess there's nothing else to do, then.

(sighs)

Except... maybe...

show you this.

Porn?

Uh-huh.

Oh...

You're disgusting.

I am.

Put it in.

It's already in.

(remote clicks)

(funky music plays)

So, is it...

Shh, shh!

* Don't call it a comeback.

(giggling)

(sighs)

Hey, sexy, where you running off to?

I got to go home and get ready for work.

I got to shower, shave, sh...

shimmy.

(laughs)

What? I like to get loose before work.

You know?

You can do all of that here.

I have showers, razor blades...

(sniffs): Renuzit in the bathroom.

That's really sweet, Rick.

But if I stay here, that means I got to go to work

from your house instead of mine.

Which means I got to take the 5 Freeway,

instead of the back streets.

Which means I'm gonna be going southbound

instead of northbound, which means

I got to turn left into the lot, instead of right.

Which means I got to back in my space,

instead of just pulling straight in.

You understand?

I don't understand half the things you say.

Rick.

Look, driving to work from your house

is not my normal routine.

And if anyone at ISM

sees anything out of the ordinary between me or you,

they're going to put two and two together,

and our little secret is going to be out.

And why is that a bad thing?

I mean, why... why we got to keep us a secret?

I mean, I'm proud to have Tasha Mack on my arm.

Aw, well, I'm flattered.

(giggles) No, really.

And if I hadn't already put my panties on,

I'd climb right back in that bed and I'd show you.

Oh, come on.

(laughs): No.

But my reputation at work is important, Rick.

You know how hard it's been for me?

I mean, I feel like I'm just getting out

from under my son's shadow,

and I can't take on Rick Fox's shadow right now.

Tasha, I understand shadows.

I played with Kobe and Shaq.

I worked my butt off, while they got all the accolades--

the commercials, the shoe deals.

Look, I was this close to selling Nike on the Air Foxy.

I had this great campaign idea:

me and red fox.

Not the actor. Like an actual red fox.

We'd play one-on-one in the woods,

and I'm not sure who was... Uh, Rick,

is this going to be long?

'Cause I got to shimmy real bad.

Look, Tasha,

I guess I just didn't think you cared about work.

I mean, just a few weeks ago in the hotel,

you were ready to quit.

Rick, I had been chasing that orgasm since I was 15.

I'd have given you custody of my son if you'd asked.

Look, Rick,

just do me a favor, okay?

Just take your time getting to work today, all right?

Run a couple of errands

and that way, we can arrive at different times

and no one will suspect a thing.

Okay?

Okay. Okay.

Hi, sweetie.

(chuckles)

The hell?!

Rick, are you messing with me?

No. Did you follow the plan?

Well, the thing about the plan is, I didn't really have

any errands to run, so... Sh-Shh!

Hey, guys, what's up?

I don't know what's up.

You know what's up, Rick?

Rick don't know what's up.

So, I guess we're just two people

who just pulled into work at the same time,

don't have a clue as to what's up.

The world's filled with unanswered questions, John.

O-Okay.

See you inside.

Great.

Okay, see now, he on to us.

Look, in the future, when I make a plan,

just follow my lead.

Uh, could you believe we pulled into work at the same time?

(giggles) That's crazy, right?

Oh, God, everybody's going to know.

All right, me and Octopussy gonna go to the park,

play a little fetch.

You know that's a cat, right?

Yeah, I'm bringing a small ball.

You okay? You want to talk?

Well, actually, I would...

All right, cool. We'll be back.

(meows)

Come on, Octopussy.

(sighs)

(door closes)

(keypad beeps)

What?

Oh, you ain't gonna say anything?

I know it's you, Malik.

I got caller ID, stupid!

Hey!

Everybody here who got a mama, get out!

Hey, why aren't you dressed?

The game's in five minutes.

Robin, I'm not going to the game.

Yeah, but that was the whole point in my coming down here,

so the press could get some snaps of us.

Okay, well, I changed my mind.

Sorry.

Okay.

But you can make it up to me.

My publicist says that every championship team

gets to meet the president.

So when you go to the White House, I want in.

Okay, I don't think this is a good idea, Robin.

Well, I know he hasn't been the best president,

but I didn't vote, so I can't throw stones.

No.

I want an annulment.

(indistinct conversations)

Hey, Tasha.

Want to grab some lunch?

I ate lunch!

Always asking me if I'm hungry.

I know you love tacos. I thought you might... "I know

you love tacos. I thought..."

See, Rick, that's why you don't have any clients.

You always worried about some damn food.

Taco-eating ass.

Oh, I know you're not talking.

Remember when you asked

"How come nobody invites me to lunch?"

It's 'cause you're a bitch, Tasha.

(others gasp and murmur)

I'm sorry, what did you just call me?

A bitch.

Was that clear enough?

Okay, who you calling a bitch, pretty boy?

With that curly hair,

got you looking like a big-ass Johnny Mathis.

I'm sorry.

Would you rather I buy someone else's hair

and sew it into mine?

You know what? It's on now.

It's on now! No! No!

Three strikes, Tasha! Three strikes.

I'm going to lunch.

Well, who you telling that to, Rick? Huh?

You ain't got no assistant! Huh! Tasha?

Back in the office!

This ain't over, Foxy!

(sighing)

Now, that's what's up!

Yes, that was definitely up.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you for being patient.

And thank you for wearing that again.

(giggling)

I'm going to hit the showers.

Okay.

(sighs)

You know I'm your die-or-ride chick.

(laughs): It's "ride-or-die," Melanie.

(giggles): Well, that, too.

(shower running)

Derwin?

I'm exfoliating.

Exfoliat...?

Wait a minute. We just...

You just...

Which means... you faked it!

No!

You faked a "That's what's up"!

Oh, my God!

(shower stops)

Melanie... Okay, baby, just calm down.

No. I'm only going to ask you once.

Did you fake a "That's what's up"?

Yes.

Well, did you fake the one last night, too?

Yes. (gasps)

Okay, okay. So, first, you couldn't make it happen at all,

and now you can't make it happen with me?

No, Melanie, it's not you!

Yeah, well, you're damn right it's not me.

I was throwing down my best stuff!

I know you were. It's just...

I don't want any project twins.

Okay, there it is. I said it.

What?

Melanie, I can't have

two women pregnant at the same time.

We used a condom, Derwin.

And those are only 99% effective.

What about the other .2, Mel?

Hmm? What about the other .2?

Wow.

You know, because of what you've done with another woman,

I will never have all of you.

(sighs)

Melanie, listen.

Sweetheart, I'm not trying to downplay

how hard this has been on you, okay?

But have you ever thought for a minute

how hard it's been on me?

Yo, Mel, my life is-is a mess right now.

With Janay and...

and this baby, trying to keep you happy,

and I'm doing it all on a bum leg.

Honey, come on. I'm trying here.

(sighing)

I guess I never really stopped to think

about how this was affecting you.

Really, really bad.

(sighs) Where you going, Mel?

You know,

there are other things we can do

so we don't get pregnant.

Hey, sexy.

Don't "Hey, sexy" me.

What the hell is your problem?

Excuse me?

At work today, you went for the jugular.

What? You call me a bitch, then you hit my weave?!

I should kill you.

Whoa, Tasha. I thought we were putting on a show.

I just went with it.

Show, my ass. Whatever it was, you took it too damn far.

I'm Tasha Mack, and you need

to check with me before you do anything,

and Tasha Mack will let you know what's appropriate.

'Cause the last time somebody messed with Tasha Mack, someb...

All right, look here, Tasha Mack!

All this nonsense

you're throwing at me ends right now.

The only reason I was going along with that

little sneak-around plan of yours

is because I really care about you.

Now, I don't know

if you're confused or you just don't know no better,

but I'm not some henpeck.

I'm not some roll-over kind of dude.

I'm Rick Fox. Rick Fox.

And if you want to continue

riding this ride, then you're going

to start following my lead,

or you're going to get left behind.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

(whimpers): Yeah, Daddy.

All right. Come here.

Ooh!

XANDER: She has no comment.

You print that,

and you'll never get an interview

with any of my clients again.

What you still doing here?

Terrence, go back. Turn back! Turn back! Turn back!

What the hell is going on, y'all?

Shh! What the...?

VICTORIA RECAÑO: The Insider

has obtained the marriage license

between championship quarterback Malik Wright

and actress Robin Givens?!

How did Givens manage to land this role

after a three-week "relationship"?

Insiders say it's a publicity stunt,

and this Insider would have to agree.

Solid use of air quotes.

You looked gorgeous.

They're calling our marriage a sham.

Yep. Sounds like some pretty accurate reportin' to me.

That is so unfair.

I mean, usually, the marriage headlines read,

"After a whirlwind romance, So-and-So runs off

with Such-and-Such. It's love!"

With all the fake marriages in Hollywood,

how-how come they're calling mine out?

I can't believe this.

Yo... Rob, yo.

Come on. People always going to take their shots, Robin.

You know this is how it is.

You don't get it, Malik.

I just want to compete on a level playing field.

That's exactly why

I just stepped away from the business for a while,

and I wrote my book.

I wanted... I wanted people to judge me as a whole person.

I wanted to tell them about my...

my family and my faith,

and my time at Sarah Lawrence.

They got a school to make them cakes?

That's Sara Lee.

Isn't that a college?

They make cakes.

Robin, it's a full-fledged bakery, baby.

They got more than cakes.

Malik!

I just want to act.

Do you know how... how hard it is to be an actress?

A black actress, at that?

No. Oh, but I could use your advice

on a couple of scripts I got offered.

You got offered a movie?

Yeah. I mean, hey, I don't think I'm ready,

but can't argue with Scorsese.

Okay, this is exactly what I'm talking about, okay?

Athletes and-and-and-and rappers and-and models...

Talent has nothing to do with it. Well, okay...

Yes, it does, Robin.

That's how you landed the part as Madam C.J. Walker, baby-- talent.

Okay. And I was really excited about it, you know?

I had a little buzz, and guess what?

They're making it into a movie.

Boom!

No. No boom!

Guess who's up for the part?

Queen Latifah, Halle Berry, Robert Downey Jr.

Ooh.

Okay, I get it.

No. I don't think you do get it.

I... I don't think you can get it,

unless you are living it every single day.

Every audition, every rejection.

We just want a chance to prove that you can

play the banker who has a nighttime passion for blood,

or... or the single, tired working mom

who fights crime on the side.

Malik, I want to be in the next Mummy.

You know, I-I-I want to do Star Trek.

Honestly, I want to do some green-screen work.

It looks really cool.

XANDER: And green is your color!

Oh, shut up, Xander!

At this point,

I would drive Miss Daisy

or lose Isaiah, or play the single working mom

who turns tricks on the side, or...

or the sassy, know-it-all assistant

to the white woman who has everything

but just won't open her eyes to see it.

Malik...

I just want to act.

I had no idea.

I mean...

maybe...

maybe we're rushing the annulment.

No. No, I-I-I think that we should just cut our losses.

No, no, no, no, no, Robin!

This... this... isn't about you. Okay.

If it's not about me, who is it about? No, the...

Like you said, this is about black actresses.

Black actresses everywhere.

Here, Africa... hell, anywhere we can find one.

We can't let them down.

I mean, think about this.

Some little black girl saw you playing Madam C.J. Walker,

and she said, "Ma, I want to be Robin Givens."

(giggles)

I can't turn a deaf ear to her.

"I hear you, little black girl!

I hear you."

(giggles)

Robin, we can do this.

So, you think we should stay married?

Hell, yeah, we staying married, girl.

(chuckles) Hey, but you know

you're gonna fall in love with me, right?

(both chuckling)

Yo!

Xander!

Finish that daiquiri and put down my cat, please.

Oh, and call Zimbabwe.

We got some spending to do, boy.

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