Original subtitles

* I'm Rob Bass and I came to get down *

* I'm not internationally known *

* But I'm known to rock the microphone *

* Because I get stupid, I mean outrageous *

* Stay away from me if you're contagious *

* 'Cause I'm a winner, no, I'm not a loser *

* To be an MC is what I choose-a *

* Ladies love me, girls adore me *

* I mean even the ones who never saw me *

* Like the way that I rhyme at a show *

* The reason why, man? I don't know *

* So let's go 'cause...

Come on, here we go!

* It takes two to make a thing go right *

Come on!

* It takes two to make it outta sight *

Come on.

* It takes two to make a thing go right *

* It takes two to make it outta sight. *

Yo, this party is live, boy.

Who you tellin'? Yo, Rob is killin'.

What? Robin's here?

No, Rob Bass. Oh.

Yo, yo, what are we doing, man?

Yo, I'm supposed to be looking for Melanie.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She, um...

Girl Melanie. Yeah.

Let's go get your girl right now,

so we can go get Robin for a curtain call.

Cool? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so coming off a championship season like this,

I just... I really couldn't be happier

that I was in a Saber uniform.

Yeah, it was a good year.

What?

I just... I figured there was more

that you were going to...

Okay.

* It takes two to make it outta sight *

Will you excuse me just a second?

Okay.

Hey. You guys here to party?

Kelly?

Hold up, dog, are we still in San Diego?

(slurring): Yo, Melanie... where's Mel... Melanie?

And Robin.

Uh... how should I know?

Don't try and cover for her.

You can't block love, Kel. No.

You won't win; you'll lose.

Derwin, have you been drinking?

Don't try and block drinking, either, Kelly.

Hater.

'Cause you will lose.

This is what you're wearing? Yeah.

It's a business meeting.

I want him to know we're serious.

Baby, I need you to look like you're going to a club,

not like you're going to coach a WNBA game.

Hi, Jason.

MALIK: Jason?

Dog, for real, did we make it to L.A. or not?

I'm holding on by a thread here.

I am a football player who needs his trophy wife

on his arm to charm the new GM tonight.

Now, go put on one of them little outfits

that made me get on one knee. Come on.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

You only married me for my body.

And your face.

(laughs) Come on, baby.

I don't have time for this right now. Let's go.

Jason, I can't do this anymore.

I don't even know why I keep trying to make this work.

I admitted I was wrong.

Why you want to keep dwelling on it?

I'm ready to get over it and move on.

Yeah, I want to move on, too,

but you keep throwing it up in my face.

God, it's like my outfit.

I'm not the dumb bimbo you thought you married.

Really? Well, where is she?

She was a deal closer.

Wow.

What?

(groans)

* I takes two to make a thing go right... *

So I just really want to thank you

for having this meeting with me. I...

You know, coming off a championship season like this,

I just... I couldn't be happier that I was in a Saber uniform.

You know you already said that, right?

Yeah, I just really mean it.

Okay.

*

Oh!

There's my Kelly.

Wow.

Hi. You must be Mickey.

I heard you're the new GM,

but I think they're wrong.

You must be a player.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

Here, please, please, sit.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't flatter.

I tell the truth.

Don't I, Jason?

Yeah.

You look great. Oh, thank you.

You're welcome. JASON: So, like I said a few times,

I'd really love to finish my career in San Diego.

It's always been a... You know, I don't know

how that husband of yours ever leaves the house.

My God. (laughing)

If I were him, I would have retired

a long time ago.

KELLY: Well...

you know I'm the kind of girl

that's only in it for the money.

So give him that contract

so I can get back to shopping.

(laughing)

Beautiful and funny.

Here, Chateau Margaux, '95.

Oh, no, I'm more into Carlo & Rossi, '08.

Jason, she's too much.

Yes, she is.

Here, taste it.

Oh, no.

Yeah, what?

Taste it.

Now, have you ever felt

anything like that going down the back of your throat?

Can't say that I have.

*

Damn! That's my jam right there.

Pitts, would you mind if I danced with your wife?

Keep a safe distance, man.

You two have fun.

(sighing)

I should have never doubted you, baby.

You're right.

And for that, you should be spanked.

First, I want to do the ice trick

while you're still tied up.

Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I want you to go get the ice just like that.

Ooh, kinky.

I'm really learning a lot about you this weekend.

You know... wow.

I mean, if the world just had sex on the regular,

there wouldn't be a need for weed.

I'm thinking clearly.

I'm relaxed, I'm hungry.

I know, right?

I mean, it's like my mind is so free.

I'm just... I'm just having so many thoughts.

Like what?

Like... I don't know,

like maybe I don't want to be a manager anymore.

I mean, it would certainly help us deal with our romance.

We wouldn't have to hide it and stuff.

Oh, my God.

Is your lip still bleeding?

You bit down pretty good, Tasha.

I'm sorry.

I just wasn't expecting all that.

Yeah, but seriously, baby, don't...

don't quit your job because of me.

We'll figure a way to work this out.

No, no, it's the whole

management thing.

You know, I just kind of fell into it.

It was my hustle.

To be more than just another black mom

to a professional football player,

but I don't like it.

And it damn sure don't like me.

It's like all my life

that's what I do, you know?

I just keep on moving.

Never stopping, never pausing,

never taking the time to just think

and to just ask myself, you know, what do I want to do?

I mean, not what can I do,

'cause, you know, I can do a lot.

But it's like, what do I want?

What do I want, Rick?

You know, I think I'm going to need some stitches.

Oh, God, wait.

I'm gonna go get my baby some ice, okay?

I'll be right back.

(chuckles)

Uh... Med School?!

Tasha?

What the hell are you doing here, ho?

Me and Jerome needed to get away for the weekend.

What you got... ho?

None of your damn business, okay?

Now, move. Yeah, you know,

I'm tired of you calling me a ho. Shh.

Kelly?!

What the hell?

Is this the only hotel in L.A.?

(sobbing)

Kelly, what's wrong?

My marriage is crap!

Okay, okay.

What are you talking about?

Jason had a meeting with the Sabers' new GM,

and he pawned me off to him.

He treated me like a whore!

Well, you damn sure sold the look.

After therapy didn't work for us,

I tried to go back to the status quo.

But it is just the saddest quo!

"No, Kelly.

"You'll find your way.

"You've invested ten years... and a child.

Just hang in there."

God, you guys suck!

Sweetie, we... we... we kind of said that already.

Mm-hmm.

(sobbing): I know!

It's okay.

(sighs)

I guess I better go flip through some Yellow Pages

and find a good divorce lawyer.

No, wait, wait, wait, Kelly?

We'll come with you. No, no, no.

I need to get used to being alone.

Oh, and Melanie, Derwin's downstairs looking for you.

Now, what, now?

Hmm.

Good luck with that, ho.

(cackling)

Hey!

Hey, baby. Where you going?

Uh, no, where we're going. To eat. I'm starving. Come on.

Um... well, uh, I thought

we were gonna go another round.

Yeah, but I need something in the tank first, you know?

Just... put something on.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, um... How about room service?

It takes too long.

Hey, hey, Jerome!

What about your ice?

You know, hey,

as sexy as that is, you know,

it really makes me want a steak.

MALIK: "What a tangled weave we weave..."

Malik, what are you doing here?

I love you.

Okay, come here, baby.

Baby, I had a lot of time to myself.

And a lot of Hennessy to go with it.

Okay?

And what I came up with is that...

Baby, I'm ready to do right by you.

I won't be clingy, baby.

I'll be whatever it is you need me to be.

Okay?

Okay, look.

You're the only woman on this planet

that can make me do this.

(sighs)

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry. It's the biggest ring

I could find on such short notice.

Malik.

No, Robin. Look.

I want to do this right, baby.

Let me do this right, okay?

(sighs)

What's your middle name?

You're kidding me, right?

(clears throat)

Robin You're Kidding Me Right Givens...

...will you marry me?

Ughh.

I'm sorry, baby, could you repeat that?

Malik. Come on.

I like you.

I appreciate you supporting my career

and coming here to see the show.

Did you buy a ticket?

Robin... Look.

The truth is, Malik...

I don't love you.

Yet.

I deleted you from my BlackBerry.

For now, babe.

The sex was mediocre.

For you.

Look, Robin...

Would you get it through your head, Malik?!

I'm not interested!

Give me Security.

It could be a huge publicity stunt.

All right, I'm done.

Are you ready to get back to the room?

No, I just got a 14-ounce steak two minutes ago.

As a matter of fact, we both did.

Oh, my God...

So... that was a 14-ounce, huh?

It was, yeah.

Oh.

You know, uh...

I don't feel so well.

So, why don't you scarf yours down, too,

and we'll go up to the room and throw up together.

And then we'll do it.

What?

Never mind.

I'll get started.

(moans) Oh... God...

(moans)

Oh, God.

Melanie!

Derwin? Oh, my God.

You can't come in here, Derwin.

Girl, I gotta holla to you real quick. Why?!

Because I'm fighting for love, girl.

That's why.

Derwin...

are you drunk?

Maybe I am.

Maybe I am.

Just... get outta here, Derwin.

Oh. Okay. You don't want to talk to me?

Fine.

Maybe you'll talk to Dr. Grizzly.

Hey, Mel.

How you been?

Derwin. Remember Derwin

bought me for you because you gave up

Johns Hopkins for him? Well, we talked about it...

All right, Derwin. No!

No... Fine.

Listen, Melanie.

Mel.

I broke up with Janay because

I'm still in love with you.

Oh! Okay, so just because you broke up

with your girl, you expect me to run to you?

Yes.

I do.

The same way you ran to me when I was still with her.

WOMAN: Hello?

There are people out here who need

to use the bathroom.

Can you please just hold it?!

Is there a man in there?

WOMAN: All right, I'm getting the manager. Mel. All right.

Remember when we moved out here...

I mean, remember when we moved out to San Diego together?

I promised you I would not let the football world

tear us apart. You know, I let that devil intervene...

Oh, but you've already said this before, Derwin.

Well, I'm reiterating, okay?

See? See how different I am now? I reiterate.

Let us in! Come on, Boo.

(panting)

I'm lost without you. You're my light,

and I need you to come back to me.

Mel, are you in there?

No, man. Go away.

Derwin?

Don't worry, Jerome.

We're not doing The Merwin.

I'm not even making eye contact.

Melanie, Melanie, what are you doing with this dude?

He's a good man, Derwin.

I like the way he treats me.

And I know when he looks into my eyes,

he would never hurt me.

All right, listen, Mel. Listen.

Tell me you don't love me.

What?

You look me in my eyes

and you tell me you don't love me.

I don't love you anymore, Derwin.

I'm happy.

Just let me go.

(sighs)

Mel, are you all right? Yeah.

She's all yours, bro.

Just gonna fall back.

Oh, my God!

What now?

Yeah. How you like that? Huh?

JEROME: Mel, your boy's out of control.

He's crazy, okay? We, like, we need

to get a restraining order.

Or, or a gun.

Or a really big dog.

Or, or, a gun and a really big dog.

You know what? First thing Monday morning,

I'm gonna call the really-big-gun and dog store...

No, no, Jerome, Jerome, Jerome.

I can't do this.

Okay, baby. I'll hold it. No...

It's fine. That's fine.

No.

I can't drag you through the mud

and mess you up for the next girl.

I'm sorry, but...

I'm still in love with Derwin.

(sighs)

What are you doing?

Um, I need a taxicab. I'm going to San Diego.

Wait, wait.

You're gonna take a cab to San Diego?

That's kind of expensive, huh?

But, hey, you know, the Sabers did just make me an offer--

a good one-- so let's live it up.

Shoot. Although I-I do think the Super Shuttle

would be a little cheaper, you know.

We don't want to blow it all in one place, right?

Baby.

Come on, Kelly.

I know what I did was wrong, okay?

I-I shouldn't have put you out there

with the G.M. like that. I was just mad.

I was pissed, you know. You tried to embarrass me.

Even though I deserved it. I deserved it. So...

I'm sorry.

Okay?

Listen...

Kelly, seriously.

Okay, okay. I know this isn't just about this weekend.

Hi. Thank you. I know I coulda tried harder in therapy.

Uh, the money thing, I didn't think you were really...

Kelly, listen to me. The money thing...

I didn't really think you were trying to steal from me, baby.

I just... I wasn't ready to forgive you.

You know? For... I don't know.

For everything.

We both hurt each other.

Right? And from the beginning,

you were the one trying to get us past it.

I was the one holding us back.

I admit that, but I'm here now.

So let's do this. Kelly, I love you.

I love you and I-I know, it just, it-t seems like

more words at this point, but it's true.

Things are gonna change, I promise.

Tell me what to do.

I will do anything. We can fix this, baby.

You want the five million?

You want me to rip up the pre-nup? I'll do it.

I'll do it.

Cherry-bo-berry!

That was the lip gloss you were wearing

the first time we kissed.

Right?

Hold up. Hold up.

Remember this?

"Go get 'em."

My first playoff game, you slipped this in my bag

so I-I'd find it in Detroit.

I kept it, babe.

I know a lot of times I act like I don't care,

and I don't know why I do that.

I don't know what my problem is.

But everything you do means something to me, Kel.

You and Brittany are my whole world

and I can't live without you. Please don't do this.

Kelly, I'm begging you.

I'm begging you. Please don't...

Come on...

Kelly, come on!

Please!

You feeling good, Mrs. Wright? Hmm?

I can't believe we did it.

What? Marriage, or the no-condom thing?

Marriage, Malik.

You know what?

Maybe we should call and tell our families.

Something ain't right.

What?

You just want to do it regular?

No, you're good, baby.

Ain't this a bitch.

Of course.

This is how my day ends.

Well, hello to you, too, Derwin.

Okay. What... what's up, Janay?

Well, you would know

if you would just answer your damn phone.

Look, Janay, whatever it is,

can we just talk about it tomorrow?

'Cause I have had a really rough night.

Oh, yeah?

You been throwing up, too?

What?

I am pregnant, Derwin.

(sighs)

(clears throat)

(knocks "Shave and a Haircut")

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