Original subtitles

(hip-hop playing)

(snoring)

(sighs)

(whispering): What's up?

(clears throat)

Ma'am.

Ma'am!

It's time to wake up. Come on.

Why'd you wake me?

Malik said he was gonna make me breakfast in bed.

Breakfast-- yeah, right.

Come on, that's funny. Let's go.

Where's Malik?

Mr. Wright's indisposed at the moment,

but he did want me to let you know

that the exit was this way, so come on.

Can't I at least brush my teeth first?

There's a dental kit and a pretty nice bottle of Perrier

in the gift bag by the door, ma'am.

Oh, so y'all gonna try to treat a bitch

like some kind of groupie? Uh-uh.

I'm Latonka.

Look, "Latonka."

Nobody's treating you like a groupie,

but I am going to have to remind you

of the sexual waiver you signed

that stipulated no overnight stays

or protest upon exit.

I don't care about no damn waiver.

You expect me to read everything I sign?

Security.

Gonna need an escort.

Escort my ass!

Malik!

Malik!

Malik!

Malik!

I'm pregnant.

What the hell?

It's not yours. I just thought you should know.

Hey, aren't you the same guys

that carried me out of Terrell's?

MALIK: Already pregnant.

Good thinking, Tee Tee.

What's up for tonight? We tight?

Yeah, like Oprah and Gayle.

Cleaning crew's gonna be here in an hour. Mm-hmm.

DJ's taking a power nap.

And menu for tonight:

surf and turf. Ooh, ooh, good.

Make sure you get them extra jumbo shrimps.

You know the ones with the fat necks.

Ah, the Hillary Clintons.

Check. Hey, I'm telling you, Tee-to-the.

Party ain't stoppin' till the cops come a-knockin', baby!

That's what's up. Kiss the ring, boy.

No. Boy, kiss this ring.

(reggae playing)

Hey, congrats on the championship there, QB.

Hey, you'll get there one year, man.

Have you met my lovely wife Latonka?

Uh, no, no, no.

But, hey, congrats on the baby, y'all.

Hey, Malik, love the new spot.

Thank you, baby, thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Oh, yes?

A little homage, please.

(chuckles)

You better be careful.

Malik Wright!

Oh, I'm such a huge fan!

And you are?

Uh, my uncle Gus is your equipment manager.

You told him it was cool for me to swing by anytime.

I got to stop making promises in my jockstrap.

Oh, funny, funny. Yo, dude,

how'd it feel to go 12 for 12 in the second half?

Uh, good.

Hey, hey, man, we're both wearing vests.

Tee Tee, hey, this is Gus' nephew.

Gus' nephew, this is Tee Tee.

Now, Tee Tee can answer any and all your questions, okay?

(whispering): Do something or this dude...

What's up, man?

So, uh, Gus is your...

father's brother?

MALIK: Ooh, when did Robin get here?

She's looking kind of all right.

Her and her girls got here 15 minutes ago,

passing out gold bottles.

She trying to upstage me?

Trying?

Man, that's done.

I'm gonna go rectify that.

Yeah.

She do got a nice ass.

So then Janay had the nerve to ask me

if I was still in love with my ex.

Can you believe that, Gus' nephew?

Well, are you, Derwin?

I mean, you did keep the teddy bear,

and you're talking to me about her

and I'm a complete stranger.

Okay, you are not a complete stranger,

Gus' nephew, okay?

Your uncle washes my drawers.

Robin.

I see you brought your "A" game to kiss my ring.

Looking this good, girl,

I might let you kiss something else.

You keep talking to me like that

and you're gonna have to kiss something else.

Okay, okay, okay, my bad.

You're a lady.

Got to remind myself that y'all are still around.

I'm whatever I'm supposed to be,

whenever I'm supposed to be it.

Okay,

see, girl, talking to me like that,

you're just gonna make me say

something else I got to apologize for.

Do you realize that every time I see you,

we do the same two-step?

It's getting a little old, don't you think?

Okay, all right.

Well, how about this?

Let us

step it up to the salsa.

Whoa! Mmm.

(sighs)

Girl, I am glad you came through.

Yeah, um...

I'm on the West Coast 'cause I'm doing a play in L.A.,

but I came in a few days early.

I figured I'd come down

and congratulate Malik on his ring.

Oh, okay, well,

how about we congratulate Robin on her play?

Thank you, kind sir.

Hmm.

Damn.

Girl, if I had known you were coming through,

I would have roped off a little VIP section

or something for the both of us.

The both of us or the both of them?

All y'all, baby.

Leave nobody out.

(laughs)

You know, Malik, I do have a few days

before rehearsals start.

So what do you say, you want to hang out

or you want to keep playing?

You mean like "hang" hang?

Well, if you have to ask...

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Girl, I'm-I'm good, baby.

I can hang, trust me.

Yeah?

We'll see.

We will.

(laughter)

I mean, you know, Jerome, he wants it so bad,

I-I just can't do it.

What's the big deal?

All you have to do is open your mouth,

control your breathing,

relax, and enjoy it.

Well, every time I try, it makes me... gag.

(all laugh)

I-- look, me, too.

I'm telling you, I never liked it.

I only do that on special occasions:

birthdays, anniversaries, Martin Luther King Day.

You guys are ridiculous.

It's just phone sex.

He's out of town.

That's what Jason and I do.

It's the only reason he sprung for unlimited minutes.

Well, I don't know what to say.

I mean I'm worried about conjugation.

What tense do I use?

Is it present perfect or...?

You are killing my buzz.

What are you doing? Dirty texting Jerome.

Well, well, let me proof it before you send it.

Too late.

You'll thank me later.

What's up, champ?

See you got to cover ESPN.

Congrats, man.

(grunts)

Uh-uh.

Did he just grunt me?

See, that's some old racist mess.

My mailman used to do that, and I checked him, too.

Don't mind him, Tasha.

He's going through a lot right now with his career.

He's even been talking about retiring.

I can see that.

Why? He just won the championship.

I don't know.

It's complicated.

I've seen this before.

It happens a lot of times with players.

Right after they get the ring,

it's like the day after Christmas.

Turkey's gone, money's gone.

Man's gone.

You find yourself in a garage with the engine running,

windows rolled up,

listening to Donny Hathaway.

"This Christmas," my ass.

Maybe I should make him an appointment with our therapist,

so he, you know, he could talk to him one-on-one.

Hmm, good idea.

People always wait until it's too late

to address their issues.

Like you and your drinking.

You're right.

I mean, I don't mean about my drinking.

I don't have a problem with that.

(phone chirps) Ooh, ooh.

Jerome just texted me back.

Ooh! Ooh!

Oh, my God!

It worked.

He's really excited!

But, Kelly, I don't play the trombone.

Hmm.

Well, maybe if you drank more, you would.

(moans) Oh.

Hey. Hey.

Good morning.

Morning?

What time is it?

Uh, it's about a quarter to 4:00.

Oh!

You leaving? Uh...

yeah.

So, no, uh,

no-no tooth brushing or-or anything?

No, there's a dental kit and a Perrier in the gift bag.

Besides, it's late

and Mama sleeps in her own bed.

Mwah!

Girl, you are too good to be true.

I know.

So why do you think you're having such a hard time

appreciating this great accomplishment

you've just experienced? Uh...

I don't know, I don't know.

I, I feel like it's not... real, you know, like it's fake.

Excuse me?

All right.

You went to med school, right?

Of course.

Why? What have you heard?

What?

Never mind.

Go on.

Okay, so I'm-I'm sure you must have cheated

on an exam here and there?

You know, I think we're getting a little off the subject.

I used steroids!

Oh, God, not you, Jason! I know.

I know, I know, I'm so-- I'm sorry.

I stopped.

I stopped before the championship,

but... it still puts, like, this asterisk on the win.

I thought I was doing what I had to do.

I don't know.

I don't know. I...

feel like I'm about to lose everything:

my career, my marriage.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Just hold on.

Jason...

Oy.

Explain to me how,

after scoring three touchdowns in the championship,

you could somehow feel your career is in jeopardy?

'Cause I didn't earn it.

The touchdowns, that ring, all of it--

it's... it's fake.

That's why the Sabers made me such a crappy offer.

Okay.

Let's say you're right.

'Cause I'm pretty sure you are.

But

you mentioned your career and your relationship.

Why do you equate losing one with losing the other?

'Cause Kelly married a football player, man.

You heard her say it: she married me for my money.

So if all that goes away,

what's going to make her stay around?

Your charm,

your wit, your bubbly personality.

Hey, I agree. For most women, that would be enough.

Kelly told you that the money thing is in the past,

but you can't accept that.

Now, it seems to me

that you're putting an asterisk not just by your career

but by your relationship as well.

Huh?

Wow.

(chuckles)

That makes sense.

I think...

with a little work and some time,

we can erase those asterisks together,

permanently.

Dude, you are so worth the ten-dollar co-pay.

MALIK: Let me see.

ROBIN: Malik!

Girl, it is not me. It's this guitar.

You can either be in this band or not be in this band.

Robin, let's get this straight.

I am this band.

Eight.

Eight?

You can get eight?

Are you just hearing numbers in your head

and saying them out loud?

Okay, two. Malik.

All right, then, nine.

Aah! Ha!

Take it off! Take it all off.

Whoo!

Take it off. Ooh, take it off.

Take it off. Take it off.

Whoo! Take it off.

Psst, Tee Tee.

Cancel the party for tonight.

What?

No, I just met this banging honey off of Craigslist.

Look, I just want to chill, all right?

Man...

Did I just hear you tell Tee Tee

to cancel the party tonight?

Yes, you did.

(grunting)

I'm not feeling it tonight.

You know, I figured since it's your last night in town,

we could rent some movies,

I could make you my world-famous lasagna.

Not that that doesn't sound like a blast--

although it doesn't--

it's my last night, Malik.

I want to do it up right, you know?

That's why I asked my friends to come by.

Kellen Winslow, my girl Diedre,

a couple of her friends, a couple of their friends.

I don't know if I have enough lasagna for all them people.

We'll make sure they eat first.

All right, cool.

Hey, let's do it big.

(chuckling): Shoot.

You know Daddy 'Lik loves a party, baby.

I just threw that out there

'cause I thought you might be tired.

(chuckles)

Head of the Class was a long time ago.

(chuckles)

So was my last orgasm.

Well, that's on you.

(chuckles)

Where you going?

You know the deal.

Yeah, yeah, but you sure you don't want to stay?

Tee Tee! Malik.

No, babe, Tee Tee can go out and get you whatever you need.

Huh, right,

'cause I'm completely dressed and ready to go.

I'm good.

I'm going to go back to the hotel,

I'm going to get some rest,

and then I'm going to come back fierce.

Don't worry.

I'll see you tonight.

(chuckles)

I'm not worried, girl, shoot.

I'm good.

(chuckling): Okay?

Good & Plenty.

"Good Ship Lollipop."

Meagan Good.

Good Times.

Good, good.

What up, Doc?

(both chuckle)

Oh, Kelly just called.

She's running a bit late.

That's perfect.

It'll give us a chance to talk.

I think I came up with some ways

to erase some of those asterisks.

Great, let's hear 'em.

Okay, here goes.

First, I thought about retiring.

Figured if I did that, I could just put football behind me.

That feels more like running away to me.

Exac... dude, that's exactly what I thought,

like, two seconds after I thought it.

I love how we're on the same page.

So then I thought,

"Okay, the heck with it. I'll just take the Philly deal."

You know, 25 million bucks is 25 million bucks, right? Well,

I can't say assuredly, but...

No, it is, trust me.

But then I thought, "Ah, what about Kelly?"

You know, I'm still going to have those same feelings.

See, that's when I came up with the idea

of having Kelly wear a tracking device

implanted just beneath the skin

so I'll have constant knowledge of her whereabouts,

and if she ever tries to leave me again, I can just,

like, send an electric shock to the device and...

(laughing)

...zap her.

That's funny.

What-What-What's funny?

(laughing): Well, I thought you...

May I make a suggestion?

Hell, yes.

Let's use that co-pay, shoot.

(clears throat)

How much will you get from the Philly deal

after you paid your agent and your... taxes?

$10 million?

Yeah... yeah, but you say that like I don't have bills.

My water bill alone--

I can't tell you how many times I have told Kelly,

"If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down."

I mean, how can she not remember that?

It rhymes.

Right, but you would certainly have some money left over.

I guess, yeah. W-Why?

Where are you going with this?

What do you think about giving half of it to Kelly?

(laughing)

What, $5 million?

That's a good one.

No, I'm serious, Jason.

It would be a gesture

to Kelly to show her that you trust her not to leave.

But I don't trust her, so... there you go.

Asterisks, Jason, asterisks.

Okay,

so... you're saying...

if I give her the money and she stays,

that somehow proves that she's not staying for the money?

I don't know, I mean,

I think the chip implant would just be cheaper.

(knocking)

Ah.

Hey, sweetie.

Dr. Parker, I am so sorry I'm late.

Brittany couldn't find her tuba.

Actually, I forgot where I hid it.

Ah.

(sighing): Hope I didn't miss too much.

No, no, you didn't miss too much,

just the part where your partner in crime asked me

to dump a giant pile of money in your lap.

Oh!

What? KELLY: What?

(chuckling): Yeah.

Pretty sneaky, sis.

You guys must think I'm really stupid.

Jason, what is going on?

Oh, like you don't know.

You got Dr. Parker here--

if that is your real name--

to, uh, distract me with the "asterisks" mumbo jumbo.

You were the one who brought up the asterisks first.

Oh, did I? Yeah.

Did I?

Who was the one that suggested I give Kelly $5 million?

W-Was that me or...?

Why would you suggest that?

I am trying to help you two rebuild your marriage.

By extorting money from him?

Yes, so you guys can run off together.

Ah. What?!

Yuck.

Excuse me.

I'm a catch, lady.

I've written four books.

I have a house in La Jolla,

and you can't tell in these pants, but I got an ass.

JASON: Wow.

Kel, I guess you'd put up

with pretty much anything for the money, wouldn't you?

You know what? Stop it.

That is enough.

I am sick of being your punching bag.

Your punching bag?

I thought therapy was going to help us,

but I was wrong.

Therapy is done.

You're fired.

(scoffs)

Well, isn't that a bitch?

(door closes)

Cool.

* Pushin' that, pushin' that just to be sittin' on gold *

* Pushin' that, pushin' that just to be sittin' on chrome *

* Get your mind right

* You wanna shine, right?

* Then get it embedded in your brain *

* Pushin' that, pushin' that just to be sittin' on... *

You think she doing ol' boy?

But every now and then,

I like to get wild-- start a dogfight,

start a fire, eat sushi.

I'll bet you she told him I'm her cousin.

(scoffing): Wouldn't that be funny?

So, anyway,

we go down to TJ... Tee Tee, now, please.

Man, she just got out of a cult.

MALIK: Okay, right there.

Zoom in, zoom in.

Man, this... this is so creepy.

Is it creepier than living on the streets?

Zooming in, camera four.

Exactly.

All right, so how you know Malik?

Y'all cousins or something?

I told you.

Hey, y'all, this party is over.

Everybody out.

Y'all ain't my friends no way.

You're just taking advantage of my need to be liked.

Now, get out!

We need to talk.

What's your problem? Did you run out of lasagna or something?

Man, that lasagna was good as hell.

Give me the recipe.

So you gonna take my lasagna recipe and my woman?

Get the hell out of my house.

All right, Malik, stay crazy.

Will do, Kellen.

And just for the record,

the stuff I do to her,

you don't do to your cousin.

Who do you think you are?

Don't put my business out there.

What? Said the woman who married Mike Tyson.

(scoffs)

Good-bye, Malik.

Girl, why you trying to play me like Tang?

You know I'm Tropicana.

You are not my man, Malik.

You're cute.

You got a... a nice little body on you.

The sex was... cool.

You got your own money, you cook...

Robin, where you going with this? It's not working out.

We were supposed to be two free spirits, and you...

you got a little too connected.

You'll find somebody else.

It's not you; it's me.

But I love you.

Excuse me?

Uh, uh... psych.

(laughing): You fell for it.

Hey, Tee Tee, get the people back in here, dawg.

She fell for it.

You are a very nice guy.

Really.

We just need a little bit of space.

R-Rob, it's cool.

Bye, Robin.

Tee Tee, what the hell just happened?

You got sprung, my man.

You got sprung.

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