Original subtitles

Derwin?

Hey, Mel.

What are you doing here?

I got some, uh...

mail for you, uh, at the apartment.

Okay.

But... really, what are you doing here?

Look, I know what happened the other day was really intense,

but I don't want things to get weird between us.

I mean, we got the same friends,

we live in the same city,

we get our nails done at the same place, okay,

and I am sorry, I am not trying to lose Hong Hanh.

I guess what I'm trying to say

is that we can't avoid each other forever.

I'm not trying to avoid you.

Oh, so that wasn't you ducking behind the trash bin

at the dry cleaner yesterday?

Uh, well, I, uh, thought I saw a nickel,

and it turned out to be a rat turd.

Okay, okay.

I was avoiding you.

But if you think you can handle it,

I... would like us to get past this

and be friends.

If you think we can.

Yeah.

I know I can.

It might be, uh, hard for you, though.

Oh, shut up! Oh, God, I'm sorry.

Damn, Mel.

Don't you have someplace to be, like a...

a Sabers' victory parade?

With your girlfriend?

Janay's still out of town.

Oh, so they canceled the parade?

The parade is for Sabers who won the championship. Womp, womp, womp.

Cue the violins.

You don't understand. Oh, I don't understand?

Oh, I think I understand better than anybody.

When you first begged me to come to San Diego,

you couldn't stop talking about the Sabers,

and when you finally got

to play with them, you loved it,

even when they made you wear a jockstrap on your head.

And now you're just gonna pass up the opportunity

to celebrate a championship with them because...

things didn't go as you planned?

Well, I didn't plan on serving day-old meat loaf

at a seedy diner,

but, I mean, life happens,

and you deal with it

with dignity, grace

and sensible shoes.

Sensible shoes?

(laughs): Girl,

those shoes are real ugly.

If you don't go, you are going to regret it

for the rest of your life, okay?

Now, suck it up,

and get your three-legged ass over there.

Well, okay, little Miss Sassy!

(laughs) With your new haircut and your new swagger.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and you forgot to mention my new ride.

(alarm chirps) Uh...

Is this the little car that takes you to the big car? Don't hate.

You know that's what's up.

Hey, Mel, don't be stealing my words now.

Okay, well, just get in. I'm gonna take you to the parade.

All right, see, that's what's up.

Now, that's how you say it.

The original!

Still the best.

Whatever. Okay, so tell me how to say it, then.

You say, "That's what's up," like...

Like, "That's what's up"? Yeah, like, when you bought this car,

you're, like, "Yeah, that's what's up." That's what's up.

Okay. That's what's up.

ANNOUNCER: Hey, San Diego, it's a beautiful day for a parade,

so put on your Saber blue, come on out,

and show our champs some love.

(cheering, whooping)

Go, Sabers!

Listen up, listen up, listen up, listen up.

This is your captain speaking.

(laughter)

We will be, uh, reaching a cruising altitude

of about 11 feet.

(laughter)

Hey-- hey, look,

I know everybody's out here celebrating us.

This is also about our fans.

We want to make sure we are respectful.

Save all your lewd behavior for the locker room,

which means no peeing off the side of the bus,

no ass to the glass,

and if you must dance, I don't want to hear

none of that "Ooh, ooh," 'cause that just...

makes us all look gay.

Okay? * Ooh, ooh!

See? Case in point, case in point.

Enjoy your parade, Sabers!

(cheering, whooping)

PEOPLE (chanting): Sabers! Sabers! Sabers!

Sabers! Sabers! Sabers!

Now, you see all of this, Mama Young?

You get your son Carnell to sign with ISM,

he's gonna be winning championships

and riding in parades, too.

This is nice!

Oh. Is... is that Smokey Robinson?

Uh, no. Mama Young, that's the bus...

that's the bus driver.

Malik!

Malik El DeBarge!

Ma, come... Come here.

I want you to meet Mrs. Young.

It's Carnell Young's mama.

FSU cornerback, led the whole nation in interceptions.

This boy runs a 4.1 40-yard dash,

and that's faster than a speeding bullet,

and trust me, I know how fast a bullet is.

(laughing): Okay?

I know who he is, Ma.

This is my day.

Why you got to bring a stranger on this bus?

Because I'm trying to sign her son as a client.

Besides, ain't nobody asking you to do anything.

Could I get a picture of your son?

You want his shirt on or off? Mama!

What? Come on now.

Come on, boy, take this picture.

Dang!

All right.

Mrs. Young, how you doing? How you doing?

Now, everybody say "Irv Smiff Management."

Irv Smiff Management. (laughing): Uh-oh.

Now, take off your shirt.

Go on, take it off, baby. Come on now.

Come on, show 'em what you got, baby, come on.

You been drinking? (horn honking)

Hey, you guys, wait for me.

Is that Ding Dong Davis?

Better get on up here.

Derwin. Girl Melanie, is that you?

Yeah, she kidnapped me.

Yeah, I found him on a corner crying.

TASHA: Hey! Hey, Med School,

come on up-- we need you, girl.

You're the only one with experience riding the bus.

Not anymore.

(horn beeps) Whoo!

Girl, put that car in your purse and climb on up here!

KELLY: Come on, Mel!

We have sugar-free margaritas!

OTHERS (chanting): Melanie! Melanie!

Don't tempt me. I've got to go to school.

(chanting): Go to school! Go to school!

Go to school!

Have a good parade!

Whoo! Go, Sabers!

(others shouting, whooping)

MALIK: Later, Girl Melanie.

DERWIN: Ding Dong is in the house.

TASHA: * Go, Sabers, unh!

* Unh, unh, go, Sabers... *

(Tasha continues singing)

All right, come on, Mama Young! I'm coming.

We just getting started, girl!

Yo, J, I'm gonna have Babak make me a chain, dawg,

'cause I'm rocking this baby around my neck!

Oh, yes! Oh, yes! MAN: Hey, Jason, Jason,

can I ask you a quick question?

Oh, Dan Dieter, my man.

What you doing out from behind your desk?

I didn't even know you had legs.

That's a good one, Jason.

Look, I was just wondering if you were worried

that the Sabers have not picked up your contract.

Come on, Dan, you can't find another way

to fill up your boring-ass show?

You got to come out here stirring the pot?

You should know Jason Pitts ain't nobody's spoon.

I know, I know, but, look, there's a lot of rumors

going around about you getting traded.

Care to comment?

You know, rumors, rumors.

You can't really, I mean...

I hear rumors floating around that your wife

is trading you in for a woman.

You care to comment?

I didn't think so.

Is that one of the world champion Sabers?

I'm sorry, lady, no autographs.

Actually, I was talking to that guy over there.

You got jokes. (giggles)

Hey, baby, I thought you were still in Miami.

What you doing back?

I wanted to surprise you. Surprise!

I'm glad you did.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Where did you park?

I just hitched a ride with a friend, you know,

but I'm riding with you.

Something wrong with your car?

Nah, nah, I was trying that carpool thing,

you know, being green--

loving this little planet of ours.

Mama Young, can I get you something to drink?

Now, Kelly can't make coffee worth a damn,

but at least she can carry it.

No, thank you. I am still full up from that lovely lunch.

And imagine us seeing Vanna White.

Mama Young, I don't think

Vanna White seats people at Applebee's,

but, hey, you never know.

It don't take all day to shoot the wheel.

(laughs)

I know Vanna White when I see Vanna White.

Okay.

Kelly, any messages?

Uh, yes.

A very angry, very well-toned blonde woman

wants to know why you made her come into work today.

Uh-huh. Anybody else?

But, Tasha, this is a very important day for Jason.

Okay, it's gonna be a very important day for me, too.

Look, the commission on signing Carnell

is as good as in my pocket.

And I'm gonna need it, too, after all the money

I done spent on that country boy and his mama.

Wining and dining, buying concert tickets,

and don't even get me started

on what the ocean air is doing to my hair.

Wait a minute. You've never been with an Asian chick?

Nah, but I did do this one girl while she was eating fried rice.

Boy, I was just about to have Chinese for dinner, too. Okay!

(laughing) Y'all wild, man.

You know what?

Let me take my mama back to the hotel. Okay.

Kelly, can you walk him out to the car for me?

Oh, sure, just as long as you know I'm not coming back.

Oh, Mama Young, why don't you get a picture

with Rick for your scrapbook?

No, I only got two pictures left.

I got to save that for famous people.

(laughs)

Uh, ma'am, I was a Laker.

Are you one now?

Wow, so we'll, uh, we'll see you around 9:00?

Cool, cool. Right on.

All right. Take it easy.

Baby, look.

Look, I got Smokey Robinson and Vanna White.

Wow!

Okay, so you guys are gonna

take Carnell off my hands tonight, huh?

Yeah, we're gonna take him to a strip club.

Oh, okay.

Cool, cool.

Do your thing, boys, good.

Hey, you know what? I love teamwork because I hate

asking strippers for receipts.

Besides, I need to be here bright and early

for Carnell's contract signing. See, sorry, Tasha.

I think that we've got kind of a disconnect here.

You see, you don't have a client until he signs.

Therefore, he and his commission are up for grabs.

Jump ball.

But I made first contact.

With his mother.

How unethical are you, huh?

W-W... L... I-I thought you guys had my back

the same way I had your back

last week when you were wooing that freaky 11-year-old gymnast.

A-Actually, she was... she was 18,

but freaky nonetheless.

Look, either way, you handled her mom perfectly.

Tasha, that is your thing.

Run with it, Mama.

Lev!

That little bastard.

He come swooping in at the 11th hour

and try and steal Carnell out from under me.

Tasha, we're all a team.

You know, this time Lev gets one.

Next time it'll be you. Uh-uh.

He used me.

Trying to pigeonhole me as a damn mama wrangler.

You're being overly sensitive. No.

I'm being real.

It should bother you, too, Rick.

Come on, they parading you around here

like some pretty boy show pony to impress their clients.

Next thing you know,

they gonna have you dancing up some stairs

with Shirley Temple.

(chuckling): Nah, it's not like that, Tasha.

Oh, really?

All right, let me ask you this, Rick.

How many clients have you helped Lev sign?

I don't know.

A bunch?

Okay, and how many clients has Lev helped you sign?

None.

But what does that have to do with--?

Oh...

I see where you're going with this.

All right, so which strip club they going to tonight?

Uh, yeah, I don't think I should tell you that.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Eve's P... Eve's Playground!

Eve's Playground!

Ow!

This is gonna have to be re-pierced.

You got insurance.

(laughs)

JASON: All right, so...

So... let's talk endorsements, Jason.

You can take your pick: we got cars, kicks, Kahlúa.

You like Kahlúa? No.

Don't care for the island flavors myself.

What about Old Navy, huh?

They called this morning, this very morning.

I answered the phone.

Can I ask you something, Dean?

And I know it, it might seem like a stretch.

Please, that is why we are here.

Where is my damn contract?

I am a football player,

not some hoodie- wearing skater dude.

Well, I was going to save this

until the excitement of the day wore off,

but I can see you're a little impatient.

Looks like we're going to get

a very impressive eight- figure offer from Philly.

Cheesesteak capital of the world.

Philadelphia?

Like the cream cheese. JASON: Hold it, hold it.

You think after ten years

of busting my ass for the Sabers

and winning this year's championship

that I'm going to Philly?

(sighs)

It's good money, Jason.

What the Sabers have put on the table, it would be insulting

for me to even present it to you.

One year, $2 million?

It's crap.

They are offering you crap.

One year, Dean? Yeah.

After everything Jason has done for that team,

that's the thanks he gets?

We're supposed to pick up and move to a state where it snows

and live among the Amish?

For God's sakes, they don't even use buttons.

You know what, guys?

Shut the whole damn thing down.

What? I am not going to Philly to be some second-string player

and I'm not taking some punk-ass charity deal from the Sabers.

No, I'm out, I'm done.

I am retiring.

I'm retiring-- oh, and Dean,

you're fired.

Fired? KELLY: Yes, fired.

Now, get out.

Come on, man, you got to push past the pain, Ding Dong.

Aah! (phone ringing)

Yo, is that my phone?

Come on, Ron, let me... let me get my phone, man.

It's probably Janay.

Man, you got two minutes.

(panting)

Thanks, Dad.

(panting)

Yeah, what's up?

Hey, Derwin, two words:

Lashy McMurphy.

(laughs)

(laughing)

Shut up. Are you serious?

You-You-- you just-- you just ran into Lashy McMurphy?

No, wait, wait. I thought I did, okay?

So, I chased her down, right, and it wasn't her.

You mean to tell me there's two Lashy McMurphys out there?

Oh, God, I don't know if I can live in a world

with two Lashy McMurphys.

Wow, Lashy Mc-- wow!

Man, it's going way back.

Man.

I just

wanted to tell somebody,

and you're the only one who'd get it.

Yeah.

All right, you take care, girl.

Hey... thanks for the laugh.

I'm really glad we're friends again.

Me, too.

(laughing): Okay, well, I got to go. Bye.

Bet they don't have choreography

like that back home, huh, Carnell?

(chuckling): Nope.

Pop, lock, and...

(singsongy): ...drop it.

Want another lap dance, Daddy?

Thank you, but two's my limit.

Got to drive.

How about you, Carnell, huh?

We can take care of some business

and maybe arrange for a little blonde signing bonus.

What do you say? Oh, come on,

man, Lev, relax, man.

W-We got all night.

And plus, you're being rude to the entertainment.

Hmm, right, right, right, sorry.

Hey, Carnell. Hmm?

My man, sit tight. I'll be right back, okay?

Yeah, yeah, take your time, man, seriously.

Hi, what are you doing here?

Came to hang out with my client.

Tasha, you had your chance.

You see, your client is now my client.

Hey, you want a dance?

No, I'm good.

You know, Lev, you may have everybody else

in here afraid of you but not me.

Really? Well, you should be. Uh-huh.

Look, why do you think Irv brought me out here

from New York, huh?

'Cause I close deals, baby.

I got an MBA from Harvard.

I got eight years management experience,

and, well, you've seen my penis.

Are you sure you don't want a dance?

He said no.

Do yo want a dance?

Okay, look, girl,

word of advice.

Nobody likes the "pushy stripper," okay?

Bye-bye.

Look, Tash, you're all wrong for Carnell and you know it.

No, what I know is

my son is one of the highest paid quarterbacks

in the league,

not to mention the MVP for this year's championship team.

And who got him there?

Mama Mack.

And that is what a boy like Carnell needs--

someone to keep him on the path to greatness,

not the path to lap dances. Okay, look, you are wasting my time.

All right, I'm gonna go close the deal.

If Carnell needs his nose wiped,

I'll holler for you, Mama Mack.

You know what, Lev? I'm not even finished...

(laughter)

Here we go. What are we toasting to?

What we drinking to, boys?

Oh, to my new manager Rick Fox.

Now, what now? You're kidding, right?

Who better to manage me than someone

who's been through it himself?

Plus, he knows how to conduct himself in a strip club.

(laughing): Yes, sir.

Lev: 16. Foxy: 1.

You're sly as a fox,

huh, Foxy?

Yes, sir.

(clears throat)

Carnell, my man, welcome to ISM.

Yes. Congratulations, my friend.

I think that I get a feeling

we're going to be working together eventually.

Mm-hmm.

Tasha. Lev.

Tasha, I want to thank you.

What you said made sense.

I just needed to put the "I" in "team."

In fact, forget the team.

I just needed the "I."

You know, my first instinct

was to crack you over the head with this bottle,

but I am proud that one of us beat that clown at his own game.

You're proud? Mm-hmm.

You know, this pretty boy show pony just beat your ass, too.

Just thinking about it makes me giggle.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in a strip club.

Hmm?

Hey, Carnell. Yeah.

Let's make it rain, baby.

Oh, yeah. (laughing)

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

Now do you want a dance?

It's been one of those days.

Why the hell not?

Ooh!

Baby, you are getting good with that.

Mm-hmm.

Wait till you see how I'm gonna toss the salad.

(giggling): You so bad.

Mm-hmm, you know how I do.

Baby. Yeah.

I have a surprise for you.

Really? Mm-hmm.

Ooh, well, if I like it,

I might got a surprise for you, too.

Oh, really?

Well, your condo's going to be ready this Friday.

Baby, we can move you back in this weekend.

Oh, snap.

Wait, what?

I thought the contractor said he needed four more weeks.

I know, right?

But baby, I seen how frustrated you been,

so I called up the contractor myself

and was like, "Yo, my man,

why you sweating Derwin Davis' girl?"

Uh, yeah, the Derwin Davis

of the World Champion San Diego Sabers.

Boom, you got your floor.

Boom, cabinets going in.

Boom, baby girl gets to move back into her condo

before those Sunday morning church bells start to chime.

How do you like me now?

You didn't do this for me.

You did this for yourself.

What?

Uh, Janay, I thought you'd be happy.

No, I know what's-- I know what's going on.

Okay, what are you talking about?

I-I...

(mocks stammering)

I saw Melanie drop you off at the parade.

Yeah, you know, your "friend."

You saw me and you didn't say anything?

I was waiting to see if you would tell me the truth.

And I did! I just didn't say "friend Melanie"

because I knew you'd react like...

No, hold on, Janay, hold on a second.

All right?

This is how it went down.

I wasn't even gonna go to the parade, all right,

so I went and took Melanie some important mail.

She talked me into going.

She wanted to take me there in her new ride,

but that's it.

Can you explain the teddy bear

that you've been keeping in your night table?

You know,

the one that you supposedly threw away in front of me?

What?

So now you snooping through my stuff now?

(scoffs)

Okay, see, now I feel violated.

Don't go there with me, Derwin.

I have tried

to give you your space to get over Melanie,

but it's clear you can't let her go.

(sighs) Janay.

Janay, no, no, hold on a second, baby.

You got this all wrong.

All right?

I love...

Huh?

You what?

You love me?

You like me?

You want to be best friends?

Derwin, you don't, you don't know what you want.

Janay, come on.

All right?

I know that I don't want to lose you.

All right?

Just tell me what to do.

Okay.

Look me straight into my eye and you tell me

that you are not still in love with Melanie.

(exhales)

Take care of yourself, Derwin.

It's been fun.

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