Original subtitles

DERWIN: Look at me, about to score touchdown number three.

Man, I'm cool, carrying this whole team on my back.

But y'all ain't heavy.

What you about to do, 56?

You can't touch me, son.

Ain't your mama teach you you can't tackle lightning?

Deuces, bitch.

I make it look so easy.

Look at them up there cheering.

CROWD: * Ding Dong, Ding Dong

Sing it, y'all.

* Ding Dong, Ding Dong...

Everyone knows I am the bomb diggity...

(hard thud)

(all gasp, whistle blows)

(groaning)

Oh, my God.

ANNOUNCER: What a collision--

Derwin Davis and big-hitting cornerback Charles André!

Davis is down and looks to be... Oh, my God.

ANNOUNCER 2: ...it's not surprising, he hasn't gotten back up yet.

ANNOUNCER: Certainly a concern for Coach Ross and the whole Saber team.

Derwin Davis...

(cheering)

Hey, yo, yo, yo, I got a question.

I got a question.

Who are we?

ALL: Sabers!

Who just won the conference? Sabers!

Who is going to win the championship? Sabers!

What are we going to do now?

Call our moms!

No, fool.

We're gonna call us some hookers... strippers.

ALL: Strippers!

(chanting): Strippers, strippers, strippers...

Strippers, strippers...

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

You guys will have your parties, you'll have your champagne,

you'll have your strippers,

but first we've got to buckle down

and keep our eyes on the prize.

Now, we took some hits out there tonight,

like Ding Dong going down on us. (snickering)

Grow up.

Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him out of our minds

until after the championship game.

But if we stay focused, play hard...

a little help from the good Lord above,

we'll end this season exactly where we want to be--

on top.

And I like being on top.

Now that's worth a giggle.

I said giggle!

(players giggling)

Go Sabers!

(cheering)

(chanting): Sabers, Sabers, Sabers...

Let 'em hear you!

Sabers, Sabers, Sa...

Come on, Tasha, we just won the conference.

I am not chanting no BS in some hallway.

Next thing you know, they have dogs and water hoses.

Okay, ladies, ladies, we've got a lot of work to do

before we get to Miami.

We have dinners to organize, parties to plan.

Thank you so much, Tasha.

Hey, are you going to go to the hospital? Yeah.

But of course, our most important order of business

is what we're going to do

to help our fallen comrade Derwin Davis.

Okay, Vanessa, you have flowers and balloons.

Allie, you've got oversized card duty.

Tasha, cupcakes.

The hell. He gonna get these mints out of my purse,

'cause I got things to do.

Although appreciated, you don't need to do any of this for Derwin.

Of course we do.

It's all part of the Sunbeams

Healing-Through-Happiness Relief Program.

H.T.H.R.P. I named it myself. Super cute.

Super supportive.

Ladies, ladies, we don't even know how serious his injury is yet.

And if you go in there all mopey

with your mints and your oversized cards,

he's going to think he's done.

And he's not.

He might even be able to suit up for the championship.

Okay.

(laughing)

Um...

I don't... I don't know what you're laughing about,

'cause your man doesn't even play.

All right, tell Derwin we said hey.

Wow, she's a feisty one.

Okay, who you telling?

Derwin's new girl don't play.

'Cause med school-- she'd have taken the mints.

Uh, do you want to give it a rest?

Why?

Because you seem a little distracted.

Oh...

No, no, I'm... I'm fine.

It's, uh... just that you're, you know, you're really ashy.

This is a problem area for you.

Listen, if you're worried about Derwin,

why don't you just call one of your friends?

Jerome, I said I'm fine.

I mean, injuries are part of the game.

I feel bad for him, but...

I got my own man to think about.

Mm...

Well, in that case, let me go ahead and flip over

because I've got another problem area

you can hit with that lotion, babe.

Mmm!

Calm down now.

The cripple's home.

Ah...

Baby, how was rehab?

It was poppin'. You should have been there.

Well, this should make you feel better, okay?

Remember yesterday you asked me to get you a shirt

you could rock in Miami?

What?

Kidding.

Look, this is for you.

And this is also for you.

Yeah?

We're gonna be setting it off in South Beach.

Sabers after party,

Delano Hotel, VIP.

Baby, we gonna be hurting people's feelings.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I don't mean to be hurting yours,

but, uh, I'm not going.

Not to the game, not to the parties,

not to Miami.

Come on, Derwin.

I thought we decided, all right?

We were going to lay out on the beach,

soak up some sun, sip some virgin mojitos...

Well, I changed my mind, okay, Janay?

I just want

to hang out here and catch reruns of The Parkers.

Ooh, South Beach or The Parkers.. mm!

Yeah, as much as I love Monique,

I'm going to have to say South Beach.

Come on, Derwin.

What? Come on, what?

Baby, I can make you forget all about your pain.

Oh, you're going to make me forget about

the 250-pound linebacker ramming his helmet into my knee,

leaving me crying on national television?

I have been trying, baby,

but you keep dwelling on it.

Well, I'm sorry I can't be happy

to go to a championship football game and not play in it.

I'm the one

who got them there.

I was the bomb diggity.

Oh, I get it.

It's all about you.

Okay, great.

You know what, you told me to give you one week

of feeling sorry for yourself, and we're in week two.

Shake it off.

Look, go to Miami, support your team.

The team.

Okay, since when do you care about the team?

You know what, Janay,

all this is about you going to Miami

so you can live it up like you in some Jay-Z video.

(mocking tone): Look at me, look at me.

Diamonds, Cristal, aerial shots.

Yeah, it's all good.

Yo, if you want to go shake your ass so bad in Miami,

then go, I ain't stopping you.

I was always going. FYI.

Shake your ass to that.

TV ANNOUNCER: After a slow start to the season, the Sabers began to turn around...

Mel, can we get a refill on these margaritas?

The pitcher's empty. Can you help me out?

Well, you know I don't make them as good as you do.

Yeah, that's because you don't make them at all.

Hey, Mel, Mel, um, what's the ETA

on these margaritas, one minute, two minutes?

Well, if you keep hounding me, it might take all night.

Look, Mel,

I know I'm stressing, but I got to keep my boss happy.

I mean, I'm trying to get that corner office.

Have you seen my office?

No, because I don't take anybody there

because it's way in the back next to the bathrooms.

It's awful.

(sighs)

Okay, okay.

Margaritas coming up.

Um...

Where's the rest of the salsa?

Well, I guess we're all out.

This is all you bought?

Well, that's all I could carry on the bus.

Mel, this is serious. I can't even answer the phone at work

'cause of all the flushing.

Well, just go get some more at the store.

Well, then who's going to stay here

and talk to my boss about the benefits of Viagra?

(sighs)

Okay, fine.

I'll go. Thank you, baby.

Yeah. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Uh, but can you also pick me up a Renuzit?

I didn't want to say anything,

but it's not just about the flushing.

It's hell.

Okay.

Excuse me, salsa?

Okay, thanks.

(rattling)

Derwin?

Melanie?

Damn, you look...

I mean...

All right!

Yeah, that's a real good look on you.

Thanks. Can I give you a hand?

It'd be better if you gave me a leg.

Thanks, Melanie.

I'm still getting used to these crutches.

Look, I am so sorry about what happened.

I mean, I was going to reach out to you,

but... you know, it's kind of...

Mel, come on, it's cool. You know, you got your own thing.

Yeah. So, um, where's Janay?

She and her girls went to the game.

She didn't want to go, though.

I was like, "Girl, you'd better go ahead, do your thing.

Give me a little me time."

So you're all alone?

Nah. I got a little friend named Halo 3 back at home.

I mean, Grams was going to come out and help,

but she ended up in the hospital.

Losing a toe to the sugar.

Oh, my God, do you think it was the cookie basket

I sent for Christmas?

Probably didn't help.

So what's up with you? Are you going to watch the game?

Celebrate when the Sabers win?

Yeah.

Um, Jerome is...

well, Jerome and I

are having a party at his place.

I just needed to pick up a few things.

You wouldn't want to come, would you?

Nah, nah.

It might be a little awkward, huh?

Yeah, maybe a little.

Like right now.

Yeah, like right now.

(both laughing)

Wow... um...

Okay, um... so I will talk to you later.

Yeah. You take care of yourself.

You, too.

All right.

Is there something else on your mind?

Yeah. You're standing in front of the salsa.

Oh! My... my bad, Mel.

Salsa's what's up.

(knocking on door)

Hey.

Hey.

What are we doing?

Too much talking.

(crutch clatters)

(sighing)

Listen up, ladies! Hey!

Everybody sign the "get well" football for Ding Dong?

ALL: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Cool.

Yo, Malik, I haven't.

I know, rookie.

That's on purpose.

(others laugh)

You can sign, man.

Boy, please.

No, man, you can sign it.

Ain't you ever read Peanuts?

Put my bag up, boy!

Where's your head at, Pitts?

I don't know.

I guess I'm feeling a little guilty about Derwin.

Well, don't.

No, see. That's the thing.

I don't feel guilty about what happened to him.

I feel guilty that it doesn't bother me more, you know?

Well, that's... that's a good thing.

Look, Pitts, since I came to this team,

you and I haven't exactly seen eye to eye.

But when I needed you to go in for Ding Dong, you delivered.

Well, thank you, Coach. That means a lot to me.

Just shut up and listen.

The truth is, we're a lot alike.

I don't think so.

Did you hear me say "shut up"?

We're alike because we both have to win.

We're like victory whores.

It means everything to us.

It's where we get our identity, our self-esteem.

Who knows, if our dads had taken us fishing

or hugged us or all that crap,

we probably wouldn't be sitting here right now.

But we are, and you want to know why?

It's our destiny.

That doesn't mean I don't give a damn about Ding Dong.

Hell, I love Ding Dong.

Well, that... that didn't sound right,

but you know what I mean.

What I'm saying is, everyone has a path to follow in life.

You took a shortcut for a while,

but you're here now.

So make the most of it.

You're not going to hug me, are you?

And undo all that damage your father did?

Not a chance.

Now, go after that ring, son.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

No?

No.

(passionate moaning and kissing)

(Derwin screaming with pain)

Ow! My knee!

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Okay. Mmm...

Ow! Ow, no, no, no. Oh...

That's my good knee.

Oh. All right. Well, then how's this?

Yeah, that's the right spot.

Okay.

(ringtone playing)

Damn it!

What? What? Damn it! No, no, no!

Mel, don't answer it.

No, I have to. Come here!

No, no, no, no, no.

You can't stop now! Come on, girl!

Hi, honey.

Hey, baby. Where are you?

Uh... Hold on.

Excuse me.

Can you tell me where the salsa is?

Aisle five?

You told me aisle three! (screaming)

What was that?

Uh... I just kicked the clerk.

Yeah, that's what you get for telling me the wrong aisle!

Hey, baby, I didn't mean for you

to go through all that. Come on.

Look, Jerome, don't worry about it.

I am so sorry it's taking this long.

It's just that...

this is the third store I've been to, and, um...

everybody's out of salsa.

No, no, no, no. Hey.

I was whack for asking you to get my party supplies.

Can you just get back here, please?

It's not the same without you.

Well, what about the salsa?

Damn the salsa! These people are grown.

They can... they can eat what we got, okay?

If they don't like that, they can leave.

Well, what about the office?

Forget the office.

You're more important.

But you did get the Renuzit, right?

Now, just come on home and watch the rest of the game

in my lap so I know everything is cool between us.

Everything is cool between us, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. Um...

I'm on my way.

Great.

Okay. Bye.

I cannot believe I just lied to him.

Why didn't you tell him the truth?

What? And tell my boyfriend

I'm over here making out with my ex-boyfriend?

Tell him now I'm a cheater like you?

No. I was thinking more like,

"Jerome, baby, I got some good news and bad news.

The good news is, I got the salsa, but the bad..."

This isn't funny, Derwin.

You know, I thought you learned from your mistakes

but, obviously, you haven't.

You're over here cheating on your girlfriend with me.

Excuse me, but you're the one who showed up at my door.

Yeah, and you know what? You're right.

And that was a mistake.

It was a mistake to show up,

and it was a mistake to kiss you.

Really, Melanie?

A mistake?

You going to call this a mistake?

(hip-hop ringtone playing)

What?

It's Janay, isn't it?

Come on, Melanie.

No. What?

Answer it. No.

Would you just answer it?

Melanie? Just... I don't want to...

No, no, answer it.

Hey, what's up?

Derwin, I am so sorry.

Janay, are you crying?

Baby, I shouldn't have left you.

I should still be there with you.

I should have been more understanding.

I should be there.

Have you been drinking?

A little.

I was in the skybox.

They had some champagne,

and some vodka and some Kahlua. It was more or less a full bar.

Derwin, I miss you,

and I never miss anybody.

You're a good man, and you've been there

for me when I needed you,

and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just...

I just want to watch The Parkers.

All right. Hey, hey, just be cool, okay?

Just stop crying. Hey.

When you get back, we can watch The Parkers together.

I'll TiVo it. But I might have to delete some of your Oprahs.

Derwin, I don't care. I don't care.

I just want to be there back with you now

'cause I am so scared.

What are you scared of?

I'm scared

because I think I might love you.

Um...

Oh, okay. Um... well, look. Look...

I don't want my girl out in Miami,

nose all runnin' and eyeliner smearin', okay?

You gotta represent Derwin Davis, girl!

So go clean yourself up, all right?

And enjoy your parties with your girls,

and I'll be right here when you get back. All right?

Really, baby?

Are you still going to be there for me?

Mos def.

All right.

Whew! Well,

I gotta go.

Yeah.

Uh... Mel?

This would not be a good move.

Thanks.

(exhales)

(door closes)

TV ANNOUNCER: All right, J. Pitts in the corner

and a beautiful one-hander by Jason Pitts,

in the corner of the end zone

with a touchdown.

ANNOUNCER 2: That's it, folks. Amazing.

Did you see the concentration? He fully laid out, and man...

ANNOUNCER: Well, now they can concentrate on being champions.

The Sabers win this championship today.

ANNOUNCER 2: Well, they deserve it.

And look at the way they played.

Look at those guys.

It's great to be winners.

(all cheering)

Sabers world champs-- representing, baby!

We did it just like we said we would!

Just like we said we would! Ah!

We did it! Oh!

We're bringing you home a trophy, baby!

Yeah, Ding Dong!

We're bringing you home a ring, son!

We're bringing you home a ring, Derwin!

TV ANNOUNCER: The celebration continues with the new world champions,

the San Diego Sabers.

I gotta say it's nice to see

the players recognizing

their injured teammate, Derwin Ding Dong Davis

as he was undoubtedly a key reason

that they were able to celebrate this win.

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