Original subtitles

* Green light

(hip-hop music plays)

* Red light

(music stops)

* Green light

(music resumes)

(voice slowing): * Yellow light...

(music slows)

(yelling)

(all yelling)

Yo, yo, yo.

From now on, we rock it like this every Monday.

(cheering)

I christen thee Malik Mondays!

Hey, Tee Tee, make sure we keep them rib tips

and them wings stocked, all right? Cool.

Damn.

High-definition and Serena's ass.

Now, that's a winning combination, boy.

I want her.

More wings and Serena Williams-- got it.

Yo, Kristen.

It's T Squared.

Yeah, Malik wants Serena.

KRISTEN: Well, he is such an ass man.

All right, I'll make the call.

Carmen, hey, it's Kristen Davenport,

Malik Wright's publicist.

Listen, I was thinking we should get Malik and Serena together.

Hold on a sec.

Hey, Serena, do you want to go out with Malik Wright?

Malik Wright? How many yards did he throw last year?

I don't know. I think it was over 3,000.

Oh, yeah, yeah, hook that up.

(hip-hop music playing)

Hey, what's up, Rex?

Whoo, Jazz, what I tell you, girl?

There is no other place to be than Malik Mondays in the Diego.

You want something to drink

or an hors d'oeuvre or something?

Uh-uh. Oh, hell no.

You haven't even seen the options.

No.

We ain't been over two weeks,

and you show up with this bitch?

Excuse me?

This is my wife.

I don't even know your crazy ass.

Man, watch out.

Then why does my cell phone have a picture

of you sucking on my toes?

Get your hands off me, fool!

That could be anybody's toes, man. Are you crazy?!

Do you know who I'm with? I'm here with Derwin Davis!

Derwin Davis is my man!

Fool, get your hands off me!

We're in love! Tell him, baby!

We're in love. Don't play me!

Hey, that's my song.

I mean, Malik, what kind of ghetto people

are you bringing around me?

I am a classy woman of distinction.

I-I can't... I can't be around those type of people.

I mean, Mandela-- he's my play cousin.

I know, but... What would he think?

Okay, pardon me for a second.

Ding-a-ling!

Yo, man, I didn't know, Malik.

Okay, you got to believe me.

I met her over at Mercy a couple weeks ago.

Dog, she was reading a book.

And you fell for that?

You got "got," man.

She obviously ain't on the damn List.

No, she... she was my "plus one."

I'm not talking about the guest list.

I'm talking about the Good Girl List, donut hole.

There's a list now?

What...? Is it the Learning Annex

up in this bitch tonight, huh?

I said bring good girls, man.

Girls that don't have stars in their eyes.

Girls that are respectable and whatnot.

All right, then, what, you holding on the List, man?

You need to let me copy it, then.

The List isn't written down, okay?

It's like the A List or the VIP List.

You just know who's on it and who ain't, man.

And that girl is an "ain't," okay?

All right? You got me? Yeah.

Cool. Now, you can bring her down to Skanky Sundays

or Toe-up Tuesdays, but, dude...

Malik, why in the hell would anyone have

a Toe-up Tuesday?

Man, look, Tee Tee promotes that night.

All right, long story, dog.

Okay, look, the point is,

it's obvious you can't handle being a player,

so from now on, your boy's hooking you up.

All right, then what's up? All right, then.

Janay!

Real cool chick.

Got her stuff together. Got her own boutique.

Hot.

What's up? Hey. Hey, lady.

Let me introduce you to my man.

This is Derwin Davis.

Janay Brice. Hey.

How you doing, Janay? I'm good.

Oh, twinkle, twinkle, little star.

I see 'em flying everywhere.

Hey, table's set, y'all.

Name that first baby after me.

Lik-Lik!

That is an awkward introduction.

Yeah, he sold me pretty short.

'Cause we'll probably have twins or triplets.

I mean, I am pretty potent.

(chuckles)

Oh, well, okay.

I'll be right back.

I'm going to go grab me some...

No, you know what? I'm going to be honest with you.

I'm probably not coming back.

Janay, Janay, hold up.

Hey, I'm sorry.

I just got out of a relationship.

And I'm really not good at this.

You are pretty bad.

So, what do you do at your boutique?

Oh, I, um, own a boutique...

Morning, sugar.

Hey.

What's wrong with you?

We are never going to therapy, are we?

Not with that attitude.

Jason, I'm serious.

You keep filling up this house with guests

so we don't have to deal with this.

Ba-baby, that is just so untrue.

You have Chad staying with us this week.

Next week, it's Tony.

No. Next week is Strahan.

Tony's the week after that.

Jason!

Baby, seriously...

look, we'll work it out, okay?

It's a scheduling thing.

We've got to carve out some time.

It is important to me. We will do it, me and you...

together, okay?

Chad!

My man.

How'd you sleep?

Like a $35 million baby.

Oh, you know what, that reminds me:

we have a million dollar towel fee. That reminds me:

I left it on the nightstand.

Morning, Kelly.

Good morning.

What do you like in your frittata?

Frittatas?

Kelly, leave this old man alone,

and please come and run away with me.

Okay.

Just give me a minute to pack.

Hey, easy, easy.

I got three other players who want your room.

Bro, I'm just jealous, man.

It's kind of nice to wake up to frittatas

instead of four ta-tas for a change.

Told you all that partying would catch up with you.

You need to settle down, get some focus.

It'll help your game.

Yeah, I hear you.

Kelly, you got any good girls for me?

Well, maybe I could introduce you to Desiree.

She's been doing a lot of print modeling.

Or-or Birdie just started this high-end sock business.

Oh, I know... Claire's single.

Hmm...

KELLY: Oh, my God, wait...

What am I thinking?

What about Melanie?

No, no, no. He'll take Claire.

Dude, Claire is... a good person.

No.

Melanie is perfect.

Look, she comes from money,

so she doesn't need yours.

She knows the ropes:

what to wear in the skybox, on the red carpet...

Baby, Melanie was with Derwin all that time.

I got to work with the kid.

I don't even want to... no.

Claire-- on the other hand...

No, Melanie.

Look, she's cute, in med school.

No, that's all right. Sounds busy.

Yeah, sounds busy.

I sorry, I meant she's in... med school.

Yeah. I'm sold.

Okay, great.

I'll call her right now.

No, I don't want to go out with Chad Johnson.

Are you honestly standing here fresh off the bus,

hair reeking of corned beef, turning down Chad Johnson?

It's brisket, thank you.

I showed him your picture.

He thought you were gorgeous.

I don't care what...

He thought I was gorgeous?

Well, which picture? No, no.

I don't want to know.

He's Chad freakin' Johnson.

I mean, the guy's on the cover of Vibe magazine.

He can have any woman he wants.

And he wants you.

(sighs)

Look, Kelly, I'm flattered, okay,

because he is yummy delicious.

And he's dark chocolate.

Better for you-- less calories, guilt-free... every bite.

Kelly, no.

I am so done with this whole football player thing.

Melanie, it's not about football.

I mean, there's just certain people you don't turn down.

George Clooney, Michael Jordan,

Anderson Cooper-- straight or gay, love him.

And who else?

Chad Johnson.

Kelly, I am perfectly happy

dating Jerome.

I thought you and Jerome weren't exclusive.

Well, he hasn't called me in like a day,

so I don't know anymore.

Then, what's the problem?

Chad's single. You're single.

He's a nice guy.

And at the very least, you'll get some free shrimp.

Okay, give him my number.

Goody, goody!

Oh, and pad your bra.

I might have oversold your ta-tas.

Maybe it's your posture.

No, pad them.

(knocking)

DERWIN: Open up! Man, you got some party people out here!

Ho!

Shh. Be cool, man. Chill.

What you talking about, T Double?

Man, the new lady of the house

thought the party should be a little different.

A little suckier.

Janay, D, I'm so glad y'all could come...

Malik.

That's my name. Serena.

Are you going to ask your friends to change? What?

You guys don't mind changing, do you?

I mean,

you live close, right?

Yeah, but I didn't know the party was upscale.

Hey, you know what? You guys, it's cool.

We'll just come back and hit it next week.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Y'all ain't got to do nothing, okay?

Woman, I said you can invite a couple people,

order some food and do your thing, but come on!

Look, I'm trying to make sure

people can see that we're hot.

Now, if you don't want to be hot,

then you need to tell me you don't want to be hot.

Do you want to be hot, Malik?

Yeah, but I...

Do you want this to end?

Are we having sex tonight?

Oh, so now you're trying to embarrass Serena Williams?

Malik, Serena, we're just going to take off.

You know what? That would be best.

What?! That would be best.

You're going to kick the only two

black people in my party out?

You know what? You trippin', woman.

* Malik Wright

* On the field and on the mic, I keep it tight *

Tee Tee.

Serena around?

You hear bitching? Oh! Stop playing, boy.

Now, you know those two have been dating for a minute,

and Serena's real big on family, so I figure now's the time

for Mama Tasha to slide on in there and be her manager.

Yeah? Mm-hmm.

I'm changing the locks.

Malik's done with Serena. It's back to big girls.

Just put in a call for Sherri Shepherd this morning.

Oh, Lord!

Malik!

Malik!

(music stops)

Yeah, Ma?

What happened with you and Serena?

(sighs)

I said, "Yo, it's over."

She said, "No."

I said, "Yo, I'm serious, woman."

(chuckles): She said, "No, and that's that."

So I said...

"Tee Tee, change them damn locks."

(chuckles) Malik, look,

you can't do that. Ma, please!

She's mean, bossy.

Ruined Malik Mondays, made Tee Tee give her a key,

and after all that, she didn't even let me hit it.

Girl's got to have the longest period on record.

That sounds like your problem.

But I want to sign her.

Now, I can't get by at ISM on my good looks forever, okay?

I got to sign somebody big,

and since you won't come back to me,

I need you to work this out.

Ma, you're trying to pimp out your baby?

Oh, goo-goo-ga-ga, Negro.

(sighs): So...

I guess the shrimp was better than the menu promised.

Yeah, yeah.

It was... it was pretty good, but, you know...

you know, I really got to be honest with you, you know.

It's, uh... man, this right here ain't working.

You know, there is no type

of love connection between us at all.

Mm. Yeah, well... none that I can find.

Cool, cool.

Well, you know, we can call it a night if you want.

I mean, unless you want to have sex with your boy.

You know, I'm always down for that. Always.

(laughs) Or, you know, I can take you home.

You know, I can get some rest, 'cause I'm a little sleepy.

Man, I'm beat. Mm.

Well, as tempting as that sounds,

I've got some pennies I have to roll. (laughs)

Cool. You know, for a second there,

my ego was a little... a little bruised.

But then I thought, man, you on the Good Girl List.

I'm not even going to count this one as a loss.

Wait, wait, wait. (laughs)

"Good Girl List"?

What are you talking about?

Come on, now, man, don't play.

You was out with Trey Wiggs, Derwin Davis,

now you out with Chad Johnson, and you're honestly gonna act

like you don't know you ain't pre-approved?

(laughs)

Pre-approved?

Oh, so now I'm some kind of home loan?

You know, I knew

I shouldn't have gone out with another one of you athletes.

You know, you guys are sick, putting girls on lists

like we're property. Oh, so now I'm the bad guy

'cause I don't want to roll the dice

every time I date one of y'all women?

Yeah, well, that's life, okay?

You take chances, and sometimes you meet that special person.

It's called spontaneity, romance.

Man, girl, please.

Romance, my ass.

Girl, I travel 200 days a year, man,

with games, talking with kids,

shooting commercials, paparazzi on my ass... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get it, I get it, you know? You're busy.

Well, you know, we're all busy, okay?

(car alarm chirps) I'm...

I'm in med school!

And I work at a diner!

Damn. No wonder you smell like brisket.

Punk ass.

So, uh, what's your favorite food?

Uh, I got to say strawberries and mangos.

Oh, okay. Yep.

All right, um...

your favorite color?

Coral. Yours?

Girl, come on-- Saber blue.

Oh, okay. Original. Yeah.

Okay, okay. (laughs)

Favorite athlete?

You.

That's a good answer.

That's a real good answer.

You know. Mm-hmm.

Mine is actually Dwyane Wade.

Really? Mm-hmm.

I've been a fan of his

ever since he got out of Michigan State.

Okay, he went to Marquette.

Oh, yeah!

Well, damn, look at you!

Basketball fan, too. Not really.

Dwyane and I were together for a while.

Oh. Oh, okay.

What do you say after dinner we go hit up Mercy,

grab some drinks-- so how long's a "while"?

About two years.

It didn't end badly.

We were just making too many compromises. Yeah, yeah.

(chuckles): I've been there.

Wow. Dwyane Wade.

I take it you like athletes.

Oh.

Are we at that point? What you mean?

Thought we'd get to know each other a bit first,

but okay, we can cut to the chase.

After Dwyane, it was Lamar Odom.

We broke up after one year.

The distance killed us.

After him, it was Hill Harper.

Eight months.

Met his mom; sweet lady.

What is your problem, Derwin?

Damn. It's like that?

Anybody you ain't slept with?

Haven't slept with you.

And I don't plan on it.

Take me home.

Hey, Janay, there goes... there goes Chad Johnson!

What college he go to?

I don't remember.

We lost touch after prom.

(car alarm chirps)

Yo, I'm putting the word out.

You are off the Good Girl List.

Oh, Derwin, please don't take me off the list.

How will I ever survive?

Hey, don't flip this to make me look stupid.

Why do you think I date the kind of guys I date?

Just like y'all need to weed out

the undesirables on your list, so do I.

(scoffs): Yeah. Weed out the broke brothers.

Trust... I don't need anybody's money.

Oh. Oh, my bad, that's right.

That's right. You have a boutique.

Yeah, I drove by there yesterday.

People can't get enough of the bedazzled tank tops.

Maybe not, but they do love lids they can sip coffee through.

What are you talking about?

My dad... invented the coffee lid.

So the money you make catching a little ball,

it doesn't matter to me.

Cheap-ass car.

I had one of these when I was 16. Please.

Janay, can I be honest with you?

You just were.

No, seriously.

Janay, I-I've had a problem with this before.

Finding out the girl that I'm into

was hanging out with all these big-name stars.

Okay? It bothers me.

Hell, it intimidates me.

Okay? I said it.

Then, why don't you just say that?

Instead of sitting up here and trying to call me a ho,

'cause you have insecurities?

Janay, I didn't call you a...

Okay, you're right.

And I'm... and I'm sorry.

(singsong): Favorite way to make up?

Diamonds.

Okay, second favorite way to make up?

Oh, right. You got a lot of making up to do.

Now, has the charity committee decided which organizations

will receive money from our spring fund-raisers?

We have, Madame President.

We're supporting the Reggie White Foundation.

And joining us today is Sara White.

You Sunbeams really know how to raise a dollar.

And I want to thank you for including Reggie's foundation

in your largesse.

So... cheers!

ALL: Cheers!

SERENA: Sorry I'm late. Oh! Hey, Serena.

I got a seat for you right here next to Mama Tasha.

Wait. Tasha, she can't be here.

Girlfriends have to prove at least a three-month commitment

by documentation or unplanned pregnancy.

Well, I need the rules bent.

Now, if not for our dear friendship,

then for the fact that I will fire your ass

if you cause me not to sign her as a client.

Say please.

No.

You said please in your tone.

Carry on.

And our second charity is Malik Wright's

Pop Warner Uniforms for the Underprivileged.

Excellent choice, Erica.

See, Serena, this is what this is all about:

sisters helping sisters.

And that's important

in any relationship, business or personal.

But more importantly, business.

I mention business?

(laughing)

Actually, Malik's new charity

is the Serena Williams Foundation.

It's tennis lessons for at-risk youth.

Um, please make that adjustment. Thank you.

I'm sorry, but did you run that by Malik?

'Cause he's got this whole thing

about helping out the next little Malik Wright.

Oh, no. Believe me, he'll be fine

with helping out the next little Serena Williams.

So, are we helping little Malik or little Serena?

'Cause I'm writing in pen here.

Tasha?

Wh-Why don't we just put a pin

in that for a minute. You know what? I don't think so.

And as a matter of fact, there really only needs

to be one person here speaking for each player,

and I've got Malik, so you could probably go...

Mama Tasha.

Okay, now. (laughs)

No, you know what, putting "Mama Tasha" at the end

don't mean you can just talk to me any old kind of way.

Thank you.

Oh. So I guess you don't want to be my manager anymore.

Oh, yeah, I get your slick game.

"Bidness. Did I mention bidness?"

You know what, you sound like a broke-ass Jackee.

See? It's not just me.

You know, while you're still gathering your thoughts,

you need to be gathering your purse.

You can go.

Ooh!

Ooh, okay, you know what, I ain't whupped nobody's ass

in a long time, but it's gonna come back to me.

It's just like riding a bike. You know what?

'Cause I'm from Richmond, California. (laughs)

And I'm from Compton.

Oh, th Utopia?

With your electricity and your police?

And don't forget our phone system.

Hang on. This is for you. Whah!

(all gasp)

Okay, you done lost your mind

trying to step to me in my house.

Look, Tasha, our...

I know our floor plans are kind of similar,

but this is my house. Kelly! Not now.

SERENA: You know what?

I would try to fight all y'all, but it's not even worth it.

You know what? I'm out of here.

That's right. You better run.

Ooh, thanks for having my back, y'all.

She'd have killed me.

And she just had to throw the phone!

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