Original subtitles

Huh?

So what do you say, Mel?

Baby, will you have dinner with me?

Any day but Thursday, right?

Oh, Mel, come on.

What?

Being nominated for a best kiss award

with Drew Sidora?

Wow, that's... that's a big deal.

Congrats.

You know, I wouldn't even be going

if Irv wasn't all over me about it.

But he promised me that homegirl's gonna be in Japan.

Homegirl?

Yeah, you know better than to say her name.

Oh, God! Mel, did you not see the T-shirts?

Baby, I hired professional joggers, okay?

I had to throw in workman's comp and everything.

One dinner, that's it.

Yeah!

It's no big deal. No, you're right.

It's no big deal. To you.

(blows whistle)

Yes! She said yes!

DERWIN AND CHEERLEADERS: Yes! She said yes!

Yes! She said yes! Yes! She said yes!

Yes! She said yes!

She said yes! Yes!

Whoo!

Yes!

She said yes!

She said yes.

Melanie, I love you, baby!

* But I'm never gonna sleep alone *

* And when he pulls me in his arms... *

Did I just see Derwin?

Is he in a band?

He just did the cutest thing

and asked me out to dinner.

He had these T-shirts and...

Did you say yes?

Maybe.

Oh, you did say yes! Yes.

Oh, my God, I am so happy for you!

Shh! Here comes Tasha.

Okay, just don't say anything.

She's a hater.

Well, look who I bumped into.

Randy. Mark.

Uh, Mark...

Melanie.

Tasha, what are you doing?

Look, I'm hooking your ass up, okay?

It's time for you to get back in the saddle.

And Randy here...

Mark.

Uh, Mark... is a great saddle.

Show her your abs.

Yeah, um...

I don't know if I feel too comfortable showing my abs.

I didn't drag your ass all the way over here

for you to start hemming and hawing.

Okay, now show her your abs.

Lady, you crazy.

Crazy?

Oh, I got your crazy in my trunk.

Tasha, Melanie's fine.

She doesn't need you setting her up.

The hell!

Wait. Something's going on.

And I want to know what it is right now.

Go ahead.

Melanie and Derwin are getting back together.

No, no, no, we are not getting back together, okay?

We're just going out to eat.

You a damn fool, Med School.

Look, if you take Derwin back without him feeling the pain,

he gonna cheat on your ass again.

And you're gonna be

walking through the neighborhood

looking for his trifling tail.

Eyes bloodshot, no bra on, hair not combed

with a pistol in your hand

while Ms. Johnson begs somebody to call your mama.

She does this sometimes.

Give her a minute, she'll come back.

Man, Jason, come on. Don't rush me.

It's to you. Are you in or are you out?

Don't rush me, dude.

It's my money we're talking about.

All right, I will see your nickel.

And I will raise you a dime.

You're about the cheap...

I've been here two freakin' hours

and I got, like, $1.40.

Hey, yo, Malik, man, I need a favor.

Can you talk to your man about getting me reservations

at that restaurant, Yatsuko?

Yatsuko? Yeah.

No, they got those creepy-ass bathroom attendants there, man.

It's like, "What are you smiling for, buddy?

Your office is a toilet."

Yeah, that may be the case,

but I want to take Melanie someplace nice.

Why? What do you mean, why?

Why? When you guys were together,

all you did was complain all the time.

What, you think it's gonna be easier

now you got a little name for yourself?

Ding Dong.

Shoot, more money equals more women equals more problems.

Now, that's real talk.

You know what?

I'm getting that tatted on my back

right under my John 3:18 tat.

(chuckles)

Don't you mean John 3:16?

Damn.

(laughs)

Go back to church.

Listen, all I'm saying is live. Okay?

If there's ever a time to be single, it's now, trust me.

It wa now.

'Cause I am about to be off the market, dog. Bow!

Please, please, please, tell me that's for me.

Nah. Nah.

I'm about to pop that question.

Again.

(laughing) Yeah. Huh?

(laughing)

What?

What?

It's funny 'cause it's stupid.

No, it's not stupid, Tee Tee.

All right?!

Come on, if I want Melanie back,

I can't just ask her to come live with me again.

I got to show her how I'm really committed.

You ought to be committed, Wing Dong Ding-a-ling.

You know, it... it's almost like you're writing a book called

Dummy for Dummies by Derwin "Dumb-Ass" Davis.

(chuckles): You know what? Get out.

Get the hell out! Game over.

You serious?

As a heart attack.

(mutters)

Yeah.

Y'all don't know what love is.

(chuckling)

All right, so then I said, right,

"I'm gonna propose to my girl," and he's all like,

"Yeah, that's funny 'cause it's stupid."

Man, I don't even know that dude like that.

Word, word.

Yo, Musiq, you want to get some food after this, man?

Um, no, actually, see, I was about to go do this thing

with Common and India a little bit later, so... Oh, yeah.

That's what's up. I'll just roll with y'all.

Uh... yeah. See, the thing is...

we-we, like, rolling in a three-seater, so it... What the hell?!

No, for real, it's like...

it's like a motorcycle with, like, a sidecar.

No, no, no, no. Excuse me.

Drew.

What are you doing here?

Well, "hi" to you, too, Derwin.

No, Irv said you're supposed to be in Japan.

I was, but my label thought this would be

a good piece of exposure for me

with the album about to drop, so...

they flew me out private. What is the big deal?

The big deal is I'm trying to get my stuff

back on track with Melanie.

Look, Drew, I can't go up on that stage with you.

You're just gonna have to accept the award by yourself.

Accepting a best kiss award by myself?

Now, that's just stupid.

Look, you are not going to embarrass me

on national television.

And do you think I really want to go up there with you?

Get over yourself for real.

This is my career.

So we're gonna get that award, thank the fans and be out.

I-I don't... I don't know, Drew.

Stop acting like a little bitch.

What? Yeah.

Look, this is about your career, too.

Aren't you trying to make a name for yourself?

Isn't that the whole reason you did my video in the first place?

Yeah, all right, fine. All right.

For the record, I ain't no bitch.

Oh.

Prove it.

(applause)

First of all, I want to thank my fans

for supporting me and voting for us.

By "us," she means her, then me. Separately.

Although we do share the same ballot space.

And I would like to thank Salim Akil for a great video.

And, of course, I have to thank Derwin

for planting such an ama...

Don't... don't thank me, Drew, okay?

Thank my acting coach for helping me make it look real.

Okay? Which was hard because kissing you, Drew,

is like kissing my sister.

Oh, really, like your sister?

Yeah, I mean, I don't have a sister,

but I imagine that's what it's like.

Wow, Derwin, 'cause somehow I doubt

that you would kiss your sister like this.

(applause)

You okay, Girl Melanie?

Up next on the Music Awards... best rock video.

Don't rush to judgment!

I think it was staged.

(panting)

DERWIN: Drew.

Drew.

Drew, what the hell was that?

Hey, yo, I was just talking to Common, right?

And if you want to meet us there, you know... No.

Drew...

what was you doing out there?

Messing up your life. You know, I just thought

you should know what it feels like.

Oh, oh, so this is about getting revenge on me and my girl.

Well, congratulations, Drew.

'Cause if it wasn't over before,

it's definitely over now.

Wow, you act like you and your girl

are the only ones that matter.

Hello? I got hurt, too.

But that never seems to cross your mind, like, ever.

Wow. Say something, man.

Musiq, fall back!

Drew, look.

Okay, you're right.

All right, I wasn't thinking.

I just want you to know I never meant to hurt you or anybody.

Wow.

You know, a little late for that, Derwin.

I mean, you really had me thinking

we had something going on.

I'm with you and then the next day

you have your fiancée all up in my face?

Gosh.

In spite of what you think about me,

I just don't hop in bed with every guy I meet.

Drew, at least let me apologize.

Yo, you know what?

I don't think you rolling with us

is such a good idea. Why?

No, no, you just got a whole lot of negative energy around you.

You'll just kill the vibe, man.

(stammers) Ah...!

Melanie.

You know what?

I don't want to talk to you ever again.

Mel, I didn't even know she was going to be there.

Just get the hell out of here, Derwin.

I can't stand looking at your lying face.

Oh, so... so I'm a liar?

I must be stupid, too.

Mel, why in the hell would I go on national TV

and kiss that girl when I know you'd be at home watching?

You know how much I want us to get back together.

Oh, well, if you were so hot about getting back together,

why would you even go up there with her, Derwin?

I was humiliated, okay? Again.

Mel, I'm sorry.

Maybe... maybe I shouldn't have gone up there, okay?

I made another stupid mistake.

But no matter how stupid I am, baby, I still love you.

Just shut up.

Just shut your stupid face.

But, Mel, Mel, listen.

I got to get you to believe me, all right?

Me and Drew-- we are over.

I haven't seen that girl, spoken to her, nothing,

since the ESPY party.

Oh, yeah? Not once?

Never. Swear?

I swear. Liar!

You just saw her tonight!

Come on, Mel, what do you want?

I want to be able to trust you, Derwin.

But I can't.

Yes, you can, Melanie. Yes, you can.

Just let me prove it.

Baby, have dinner with me.

Aren't we worth that?

I don't know anymore, Derwin.

Can you just leave?

Please, just leave.

(sighs)

(sighs)

Now, I know you ain't down here eating my mama's Chunky Monkey.

I am, and I don't care.

You're gonna care when she snatch

your hair up by the roots.

Just leave me alone, Malik, okay?

I just want to eat

until my ass blows up.

And no man will want me,

and I won't have these problems anymore.

Well, now, you know...

a blown-up ass ain't gonna keep the brothers away.

Might even land yourself a couple of Italians.

Okay, I'm just playing, all right?

Y'all girls like to talk.

Let's do some girl talk.

Derwin came by claiming Drew set him up.

And he has the nerve to think

I'd still go out to dinner with him.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

I don't know if I believe him.

I don't know if I want to believe him.

Should I believe him?

I'd be crazy to believe him.

Oh... oh, it's my turn.

Look, there are two types of guys.

Those who are born players, and those who ain't.

Derwin is definitely an ain't.

And I know, because I'm 100% pure pimp.

Now, that has absolutely nothing to do with this conversation,

but I should let you girls know

I'm one of the best who ever did it.

Malik, that's not girl talk.

Then let me give you some real talk.

You fell in love with a corny dude.

He tried to be a bad boy like big daddy Lik-Lik...

and he got burned.

Now... he learned his lesson.

How do you know?

I know because a real player would have moved on

and not cared about your feelings.

See, that... that's Derwin's problem.

He cares about everybody's feelings.

He want everybody to like him.

He got that... that nice boy syndrome.

And you wanted a nice boy.

So, go on and go back to him.

Have yourself a nice life,

have yourself some nice corny-ass kids.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

I'm going to go upstairs before I start my period.

Thanks, Malik.

I mean, after the Chamillionaire endorsement, Melanie,

it was like everything just started coming my way.

Like, whoa. Oh, yeah.

I saw your, um... your Roc-a-Wear ad in Vibe.

Okay, wait a minute, Mel.

Since when do you read Vibe?

Since I've been living with Tasha.

It's like our Newsweek.

(both laughing)

Newsweek-- I can see that.

I can see that.

What?

Too much sake?

What was it about Drew?

(sighs) Oh, Mel, come on, let's not talk about her...

No, Derwin, I want to hear.

I mean, was she

more attractive,

sexier, more interesting, more fun to be with?

No, Mel, that's not even possible, okay?

You are it for me.

I guess...

I got caught up in the fame a little bit.

It went to my head and I just started smelling myself.

MAN: Excuse me.

I'm sorry, buddy. I don't autograph during meals.

Do you do dessert?

Oh, damn, man, I'm sorry.

Mel, you see how I'm tripping?

Wow.

Baby, look, Melanie, I have learned my lesson.

I'm willing to work harder now, okay?

Mel, I want us again.

And us is the only me I know.

Look, I'm having a good time with you, Derwin, okay?

And I'm even glad I came,

but this is... this is a first step for me.

And I'm going to need some time and space.

Mel, I already know.

But I want to show you how committed I am to you.

To us. Derwin...

the more you try and rush me,

the further I'm going to pull back, okay?

It just... it doesn't feel genuine.

Yeah. It doesn't feel genuine, huh?

Yeah.

I hear you, Mel.

(nervous chuckle)

I know exactly what you're talking about.

All of a sudden, I have to go pee.

* Teach me how to love

* Show me the way to surrender my heart *

* Girl, I'm so lost

* Teach me how to love

* How I can get my emotions involved *

* Teach me...

Hey, what's happening, man?

Hey, so it's time?

No, man, it's off.

Aw, I'm sorry.

Oh, wait a minute. You didn't do

nothing stupid again, did you?

Almost. But it's cool, it's cool, man.

I think we're back on track.

Give me like another six months,

I'm going to be doing this proposal again.

Oh, that's what's up, that's what's up.

Hey, but dig it, hey, yo,

I'm gonna need my check today, though.

Yeah. But...

Today.

But M-Melanie... No, I got you.

I feel you, but... today.

Would you like more sake?

Oh, no, thank you.

I'm just waiting for my... boyfriend.

(phone rings)

Sorry, miss. No cell phones.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

(sighs)

(grunts)

(scoffs)

DREW: Thanks for your e-mail.

It meant a lot to me.

It's good to know I still mean something to you.

I'll call you later.

Drew.

(snoring)

(snoring continues)

(grunts)

Girl Melanie?

What...

Shh... What the hell?

I know the Malik Wright... the ladies' man stuff

just isn't all talk, was it?

Oh, you serious.

(sighs)

I'm only gonna be a gentleman for about 30...

20 more seconds.

Come on, Malik, you wanted to get Derwin jealous.

But... (moans)

Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Come on, girl, I know this is about Derwin.

Forget him, Melanie.

Think about yourself.

You're not going to feel good about this in the morning.

Don't worry about my feelings.

I'm a grown woman. Mm-hmm.

Yes, mm-hmm, you are.

Okay, okay, Melanie, whoo.

Okay, girl, I'm telling you, it's going down to Chinatown.

You...

Melanie.

You don't want to do this, okay?

I don't want to do this.

Very much.

Come on, Malik.

Just do this for me, okay?

I just want to feel better.

Melanie, do you hear yourself?

What's happening to you?

(sighs)

I don't know anymore. (door opens)

What the hell is all of this stu...

Oh. Oh, Med School.

I knew this was a bad idea.

I'm sorry.

I am so sorry.

And I'm sorry for you, but I have done all I can for you.

This ain't gonna work, baby,

because we all can't get caught up in your mess.

I know.

I don't know. What am I doing?

This is so stupid.

You done lost yourself, Melanie,

lost yourself in this world, honey.

It's time you call your parents.

I'm sorry.

Hey, what's going...

No.

Melanie... I loved you.

It was supposed to be us.

This ain't over, Malik.

* Sent from Heaven...

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