Original subtitles

Wow. There's a lot going on in here.

Oh, yeah.

Welcome to Malik's magic room, baby.

Can I pull the rabbit out of your hat?

Ooh!

(laughing)

Come here, girl.

(both laughing)

(grunts and groans)

(shrieking)

Baby, baby. It's just girl Melanie.

Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

I'm sorry. I-I thought this was my room.

Uh... I'll just pick up these nuts.

(groans)

All right, who wants some?!

RENEE: Oh, my God.

Who wants some?!

All y'all get out of here. Please. Damn!

Ooh. Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Wait.

Who you got up under there with you? What? Come on.

Hey, Renee.

Hi, Tasha. Okay. Come on, y'all, get out of here

and give Malik some privacy.

And I know you ain't got no food upstairs.

Uh-huh. I see you done got my macadamia nuts.

Now, where were we?

No, Malik.

I can't do this.

What's the problem, baby?

The problem is I almost had sex

in the center of a three-ring circus.

I didn't know you lived with an entourage.

Baby. Tee Tee is just crashing here,

and Melanie, that is my mama's entourage.

Malik, I don't get this.

Get what, baby?

I overlooked the pimp cups.

But you have a motorcycle in your room.

Where you going?

Here.

Your TVs.

(dogs barking)

The dogs you never walk.

Baby, they walk themselves back and forth

in their cage all day-- they're fine.

The six rows of 40-karat chains

you wear with every outfit.

Okay, this is 50 karats.

Learn your jewelry, girl, please.

Learn your jewelry.

Okay, well...

explain why you live with your mama.

First of all, my mama lives with me.

And, second, why you sweating me all of a sudden?

You know this is how I live, baby.

No, I didn't know,

because you always had me hiding out in hotels.

Come on, girl.

You can't call that hiding.

Not the way you be screaming.

I'm being serious, Malik.

The Malik I got to know in hotels was genuine,

sweet and funny,

but I can't see all that here,

because I'm blinded by the bling.

I'm sorry.

I guess I didn't know you were such a cliché.

Ooh.

Baby, come on, now. Look, girl.

Have some more champagne. Let's...

No, I don't want any more champagne, Malik.

All right, well, fine. We'll go back to messing in hotels.

No, I'm not going back to having sex in hotels,

and I'm not having sex under the same roof as your mom.

Baby, you worried about my mom?

My mom don't care if we have sex up here.

For real. Look.

Mama!

TASHA: What?

Tell Renee it's okay for us to have sex up here!

TASHA: It's cool!

See?

Uh-uh.

(dogs barking)

What you doing out here feeding my babies?

That's Tee Tee's job.

Nope. I got half of it.

I'm in charge of prep.

Oh, so now you a doggie sous-chef?

Well, your mom has a saying,

"If I go to work, everybody goes to work, okay?"

Hey, uh, Malik,

I am so sorry about last night.

Oh, it's all good. No, no. No, no, no.

I just... I wanted to make sure I apologized.

Yeah, yeah, it's cool, it's cool.

Let me ask you a question. Yeah.

'Cause I know you're one of them

real classy chicks who be liking education and stuff, right?

You think I'm a cliché?

I don't know.

Why don't you ask the Woof-Tang Clan here.

God, Girl, come on, now, you got jokes.

I'm serious.

Renee called me a cliché last night,

and she didn't mean it in a good way.

Look, some women, you know, especially ones like Renee,

they don't care about the bling

or the cars or all that... What?!

My honeys love rolling in my Ferrari.

The Lambo...

The Phantom.

The Nissan Maxima?

That's for my Asian honeys.

They like the way I make the ass drift.

What I think Renee is saying is she doesn't.

You know? She wants something more.

She want a jet?

No. God, see, there you go again with the toys.

A real man doesn't need things to define himself.

You know?

He defines himself.

Well, I got to go.

I got to see some guy named Pu-ah about some macadamia nuts.

I hope it works out for you.

Hold on.

Hey! Coach Ross.

Pitts.

So, yeah, I just finished throwing up two and a quarter.

Yep, so many reps, I lost count of the sets, though, you know?

Right.

So we, uh... lifting the 12 ounces tonight or what?

I don't drink.

Right, me, neither. Empty calories.

We could hit the coffee house.

Do some java chugging, throw back a couple lattes...

Take it easy on the tin there, Ding Dong.

They're feeling more like feathers today, coach.

Must have been that psalm

you ended Bible study with last week working its magic.

You know, "The Lord says he is my strength and my shield."

BOTH: "My heart confided in him, and I was helped."

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. All right.

Whoo.

So, you really were listening

with your eyes closed.

Oh, I'm feeling the spirit, Coach.

Feeling the spirit.

Yeah, dude, Jesus is the bomb.

Last time I checked, he was my Lord and Savior.

That, too. That, too.

Hey, since when were you into the Word, J?

Since forever.

Just because I don't flaunt my religion with prayers and...

Bibles and stuff, doesn't mean

me and the, uh, Bearded One aren't tight.

Yeah, right on, man.

Actually, I was wondering if you and Coach Ross

want to have the next Bible study at my house.

I'm all for that.

Saves me a trip to Costco on the weekend.

Now, that's hell on earth.

(players laughing)

Thanks, Pitts.

Hey, what the hell?

When we're praying anyway, right,

might as well have some company.

Amen.

Hey, praise be.

Yes, yes. May the Force be with you.

Oh, Lordy.

Ahh...

Notice anything?

Malik, baby, where are your dogs?

I gave them away to help players with disabilities.

See, I got what you were saying, baby.

And...

I melted down my pimp cup and made a necklace.

For you, baby.

Merry Christmas.

(loud smooch)

Wow, Malik.

I know, right?

I'm doing it.

No, baby.

"Wow" as in, "Wow, you don't get it."

I appreciate the gesture,

but of everything you could change,

wasn't the obvious choice to get your own place?

Baby, I thought the obvious choice was the pimp cup.

Malik, we're both on the road a lot.

Wouldn't it be nice when we do get together

to have a separate place, with a little privacy,

away from your mother?

What? Move out on my ma?

Mm-mm. No.

I tried that once, didn't work. No.

Mom's got my back.

She keep everything around this crib in check.

No, mm-mm, me and Moms are good.

What else you got?

Apparently, I got a mama's boy for a boyfriend.

When did you get a memo that I was your boyfriend?

Look, whatever it is we're doing,

a grown man living with his mama is a problem for me.

I think it makes you look weak.

And whatever we're doing, I want to do that with a man.

Oh! So I ain't a man now?

That's cool.

You're entitled to your own opinion, Renee.

You know what else?

You just cost yourself a pimp cup necklace.

I'm out.

Girl Melanie.

We need to regroup,

'cause I shed some of my clichés

and Renee is still giving me guff.

Now she's saying I shouldn't be living with my ma.

That's stupid, huh?

Well...

"Well..." what?

Listen, Malik, you're what now?

Twenty-five?

You make $40 million.

You can afford to live on your own.

How you know how much I make?

It's on your license plate.

Oh.

And don't you think it's a little weird

that you're still living with your mother?

Girl, I keep telling y'all, Moms lives with me.

I'm gonna get another car

so I can put that on my license plate.

Okay, I think it's sweet, the way you take care of her,

but living with her?

Come on, Malik, that's something most guys grow out of.

Like when?

About the time you had your first threesome.

Mm-mm, I don't know.

14 seems too young.

Why do you keep coming to me

if you don't want to hear what I have to say?

No, I keep coming to you

because Renee got me discombobulated.

How do I know she ain't trying to move my ma out

so she can be living it up in my hot tub,

sucking down my Sunny D?

I'm gonna go out on a limb here

and say she can get her own juice.

But the point is, living with your "mommy" is not natural.

Oh, it's not? No!

Well.

I was watching TV the other day

and Prince Charles was on there.

He got lots of cars, dogs, jewelry and lives with who?

His mommy.

Nobody trips.

But when a black man does it, the rules change, Melanie.

All of a sudden, we're clichés.

Mama's boys and whatnot.

Wow, Malik.

That's a good point.

But I bet you

Queen Elizabeth never sat around greasing Prince Charles's scalp.

You don't know that.

How many testaments are there?

Pass.

What's the longest chapter in the Bible?

Next question.

Who built the ark?

What ark?

Damn it, Jason!

You need to get this.

All right, hitting me with the flash cards, not helping. Okay?

Not very Christian-y.

Like you'd know.

Now, concentrate.

All right, all right, all right.

What were the names of Abraham's sons?

Eye.

Isaac!

Isaac and... Ishmael.

(squeals)

That's my baby!

Okay. Next.

Who were Jesus' parents?

Mary and Joe... trick question.

Mary and God.

Oh, yes!

God, I love you. Mmm...

All right, don't distract me, don't distract me.

And don't take the Lord's name in vain.

Oh, and that right there is a commandment.

What!? I'm on fire. Oh!

I'm on fire

just like that burning bush.

Oh, I'm unstoppable!

Hey, baby.

What's wrong, Malik?

Somebody call you Cuba Gooding Jr. again?

Malik, what is it?

Baby?

You choking?

Can you breathe, honey?

What's wrong?

Ma, I got bad news.

What? Talk to me.

You ready?

Yeah.

I'm a cliché.

What?

I'm a grown man who lives with his mom.

It ain't right anymore.

Where is this coming from, Malik?

Well, I was talking to Girl Melanie and she...

Girl Melanie?

Please.

Now, was she dispensing advice before she laid her head

on our pillows or was it after she ate up all our food?

Now, come on, Malik.

You and I, we are a team.

Okay?

We've been through this before.

Now, folk might not understand us, but we work.

Now, I'm the one that makes sure you get to practice on time.

I'll get an alarm clock.

What about the hangers-on?

I keep them hanging off.

I'll get a bodyguard.

Well, is that bodyguard going to make you

your mac and cheese with wagon wheel pasta

so your tummy's nice and full?

I don't know, Ma.

It might be time for me to go.

It might be that time.

Malik, did you not hear me say wagon wheel pasta?

Because I can switch it to bow tie.

TASHA: Melanie!

Who the hell do you think you are

getting Malik all thinking for himself?

He's not ready to do that until I tell him he is.

Well, when would that be?

When he's 60?

Who, what, when, where and why Malik does what he does

and lives where he lives

is none of your damn business, it's mine.

And until I feel Malik is ready to deal,

it ain't none of his, either.

Tasha, would you listen to yourself?

You're being ridiculous.

You keep smothering Malik the way you do,

and he'll never grow up.

This is his life.

Girl, his life is my life,

so now you're messing with me.

What, you think you're the first person to judge me?

Oh, what? "She's a teenage mother."

"She's a single mother."

"She's an overprotective mother."

I've heard it all and I ignored it all.

But when that judgment starts coming

from my baby's own mouth, it cuts, Melanie.

Tasha, he's not... (sputtering)

We've heard enough from you today.

And you know, when your little ass

had no place else to live, I was the one fool enough

to take you in because I thought you were my friend.

I am your friend, Tasha.

Your friend, okay? Mm-hmm.

Not your entourage or your lackey or your employee.

Oh, okay, you want to go there with it?

You want to go there, Med School? No, look, Tasha...

I just want to be honest with you, okay?

And the truth is, I don't think that...

No, you don't think.

Seems you never do unless it has to do with you.

Well, Pitts, since you graciously invited us

into your home, why don't you lead off

tonight's opening prayer.

Right, let's go.

Wait for me.

I love Jesus, too.

(clearing throat)

(sighs)

Lord...

open mine eyes

and I shall behold wondrous things out of thy law.

Amen.

ALL: Amen.

A little Psalm 119.

Longest chapter in the Bible.

In case you were wondering.

Well done.

A psalm always starts things off right.

So what passage are we pondering tonight?

I thought we'd talk a little bit about Jesus walking on water.

That cool?

Cool in the back? All right.

If you'd all be so kind as to open your books and your hearts

to Matthew 14:26.

It's halfway down on the left if you're reading from a Gideon.

Or just below the two camels

if you're reading from a picture Bible.

"When the disciples saw him walking on the sea,

"they were troubled, saying, 'It is a spirit,'

"and they cried out for fear.

"But straightaway Jesus spake unto them saying,

(deep voice): "'Be of good cheer.

"'It is I, be not afraid.'

"And Peter, answering him said,

(high-pitched voice): "'Lord, if it be thou...'"

See how he makes Peter sound different from Jesus?

JASON: That's nice, right?

"'Lord, if it be thou,

"be it me come un... unto thee on the water.'

"And he said,

(deep voice): "'Come.'

"And when Peter was come down out of the ship,

he walked on the water to go to Jesus."

Walking on water.

That is craziness.

Right?

I mean, that's... that's... that's good stuff.

It's actually a nice choice, J.

I mean, I don't know about y'all,

but it really speaks to me.

You know, it's taken a lot of courage

to get through this thing with Melanie,

and my fear is that she's never coming back.

And the... the truth is...

she just may not.

And that...

that thought just consumes me.

It scares me.

All right. But-but-but... but you know what?

I always know-- the Lord's going to see me through, okay?

And, J, you may not realize it, man,

but he led you to those words to help me out.

Thank you.

Really?

Really?

Really.

MAN: Yeah, J, this...

this verse was a huge blessing last season.

My wife's miscarriage and my injury,

it really just showed me who Jesus is,

and that I can trust him.

ALL: Amen.

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

I think the most important part

of that passage comes after that,

when Peter asks Jesus to save him

and the Lord reached out his hand and said,

"You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

That says to me I can falter,

as I've done in the past,

when I was afraid I couldn't be a good father,

but my faith in the Lord gave me the strength

to believe that I could do better.

Yes.

I faltered this past...

I'm sorry, dude. Do you mind if I go next?

Jason.

JASON: No, look, this, uh...

this-this isn't right.

I, um...

I owe everybody an apology.

I've never read the... the Good Book in my life.

I...

I feel like I made a mockery of your faith,

and I... just seeing how much this means to all of you,

I just can't do it anymore.

And I'm sorry.

The truth is, I did this to bond with the coach.

I mean, it's no secret you and I don't get along.

But I realize now that, uh...

if I'm having difficulties with you,

I should be like Peter and... and reach out my hand.

You know, Pitts, you disgust me.

I knew you were a fake from the day I met you.

Your fake sincerity,

your fake weight lifting and your fake tan.

Coach, I'm black.

All these lies.

When is it going to stop?

And from the captain of our team.

If it were up to me,

you wouldn't be allowed in the stadium.

Hold on, Coach Almighty!

Where's your compassion and forgiveness?

Baby, don't... No!

My husband bared his soul to you

and you turned the wrong cheeks to him.

Look, Coach, I know what I did isn't right, okay?

I know that.

But isn't there something about, uh...

he who is without sin be the, uh...

the first one to throw the rocks or something like that?

Jason wanted to make a connection with you.

And, yes, he went about it the wrong way.

But he actually got something out of this Bible study.

You're just too busy judging him to see that.

Baby, you don't have to defend me, okay?

If you want to judge me, you can judge me on the field.

You disgust me there, too.

(sighs)

At least I'm consistent.

Come on, Malik!

How many times do I have to ask you

not to just step out of your damn clothes

and just leave them laying all around like this?

Malik! I mean, come on, would it kill you

to pick one thing up?

Hell, you got dirty socks and musty drawers...

Damn it, Malik!

I'm not playing with you.

I'm tired of cleaning up after your ass.

It's time you did something for yourself.

It's time you just cleaned up your own mess.

It's time for you to move out, Malik.

Baby, you hear what I said?

You were right.

It's time for you to move out.

Get your own place and live like a man should...

on his own.

I know, Ma.

I know.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0