Original subtitles

For real, are you okay?

I'm cool.

-Drew. -Hmm?

Jewel needs you to try on your red carpet dress.

You know what, can you give us a minute?

-Sure. -Thanks.

All right, talk to me.

Nah.

You don't want to hear it.

(sighs)

I... I don't know.

Like, Melanie, Melanie wants me to propose to her again.

Okay, well, isn't that what you wanted?

No.

All right, I wanted her to say yes

when I asked her, and mean it.

Like, why does she suddenly want me now?

You know, an hour ago, okay, she didn't want

to come up and celebrate with me, talking about

"I ain't got nothing to wear," and blah, blah, blah.

Hmm, well, I get that.

I mean, no offense, but your girl was rocking

the bridge and tunnel look at my release party.

(both chuckle)

No, look, Derwin... for real.

When a woman says she has nothing to wear,

what she's saying is "Buy me something."

And I did!

An engagement ring and a brand-new Toyota Camry.

All right, look.

I've got an idea.

I'm only going to wear two of these dresses,

so whichever one makes me look fat, you can give to Melanie.

You're crazy.

I'm serious.

I'm going to try them on, so you wait, all right?

I have some good news.

-Melanie's coming up? -Oh, God, no,

I don't know what's going on with that mess.

But guess who worked her business magic

on two new prospective clients?

And by business magic, you mean your string bikini?

Yes,

I admit, that's how their interest was piqued,

but once I got them to focus on my eyes,

I asked them if they were happy

with their representation.

I encouraged their complaints.

Then, when they were softened up,

I convinced them that they could be better served

at a boutique agency.

Damn!

Where'd you learn all that?

Oh, from those three women down there.

They're call girls.

I just adapted their sales pitch to our business,

which I found really wasn't all that different.

(both laughing)

Now all you need to do

is sleep with those two guys tomorrow and seal the deal.

Kidding!

Look, congratulations on your first commission, Kelly Pitts.

Really?

Kidding.

See, it ain't funny when it's about your money.

Okay?

(chuckling)

Oh, hey, hey, we're back.

I'm Jason Pitts.

I'm standing outside the Hotel Angeleno

with my boy from the Houston Texans, Travis Johnson,

and basketball what, superstar, Rick Jones,

who obviously knows how to arrive in style.

Is there another way to arrive?

I can't think of one.

Hey, your wheels are spinning all by themselves.

That is...

let the boys and girls at home see those.

Wow, they're so shiny.

How much you pay for those?

20 "G"s.

$20,000 for some rims.

Wow.

Now I understand why you're having

so many problems paying child support.

(laughs)

Uh, I mean, I've had a few...

Hold up, Rick, that's my producer.

What?

I know, right.

(laughing)

This guy.

Yo, Drew, what's up?

What's taking so long with this one?

Okay, I need some catwalk music.

(sighs)

(beat-boxing)

You are crazy.

* Drew Sidora

* So sexy, y'all. *

(falsetto humming)

You like that?

I do.

You go, girl.

Okay, I'm going to sweat, shoot.

Okay, I need to take this off.

-Can you unzip me, please? -Yeah.

Thank you.

(sighing)

So wow, DeShawn, 40 home runs this year, huh?

120 RBIs.

You're giving A-Rod a run for his money, huh?

Well, with God on my side, I'm trying.

I feel so truly blessed...

Yeah, yeah, amen, amen.

Hey, since you and God are so close,

maybe you can ask him who his barber is.

Excuse me?

I'm just-- I don't know what is going on up there,

and I don't know if dreads are the right call

when you're rocking that much forehead.

Am I right, America?

(groaning)

I'm fine, I'm good.

That's not cool, that was not even cool, man.

Drew, what's going on?

We've only got five minutes to get you to sound check.

DREW: Uh, just a second.

This is ridiculous.

Okay.

Hey, uh, Derwin was just helping me pick out a dress.

Right.

It looks better right side out.

Hey, uh, Drew, I'll see you later.

Excuse me.

Hope it was worth it.

Did you wear a condom?

-Yo, J, come on. -Did you?

Yes, yes.

I can't believe you, Derwin.

I loved you.

And this...

this is how you repay my love?

By...

and cluck, cluck, cluck, and bawk, bawk, bawk, and scene.

And that is your life if you run home

and tell that girl you cheated.

Thank you, thank you.

-I'm trying to talk to you, and you got jokes. -(chuckles)

I have to tell Melanie, man,

'cause if I don't, everything we do from this point on

will be a lie.

Do you think I'm related to Melanie?

Why you telling me this crap?

You and I both know

the only reason why you want to tell her

is to make yourself feel better,

to ease your own guilt.

Look, you going to cheat on Melanie again?

Never.

I love Melanie.

Funny thing is, right after having sex with Drew

is when I felt it the strongest.

Ooh, that's, uh... that's special.

Do they make a card for that?

Yeah, yeah, I think it's right next to

"Sorry, I cracked your sister, she was hotter."

Dude, keep your mouth shut.

Melanie's always told me the truth.

No matter how hard the truth was, J.

That's why I love that girl, man.

And I owe her the same.

Melanie's the hands that I catch with

and the legs that I run with, dog.

She's a part of everything that makes me me.

Wow, Derwin, great stuff.

She's still going to dump you cold, but seriously, really,

that's, uh... that's good stuff.

Why would you make fun of DeShawn's braids?

Come on, Kelly, you've seen the guy.

He looks like a gecko with dreads.

Well, that gecko makes $9 million a year.

-My cut of the commission would have been $50,000. -What?

Baby, you should have started the conversation with that.

So you'll fix it?

No, 'cause I'm actually

going to make more money suing the bozo.

This isn't about money.

This is about my career.

Isn't that the point of having a career?

So you can make money?

Jason, you will fix this.

Kel, seriously, my lawyer said I can't even talk to the guy.

(whispering): It's a real sensitive case.

He's off limits, sorry.

Well, until they sign with Tasha Mack Management,

something else will be off limits around here.

Oh, please, I can hold out longer than you can.

I wasn't talking about sex, Jason,

I was talking about your coupon book.

Hey, hey, woman!

You better keep your little mitts off my Penny Saver.

(indistinct voices)

Yo, Malik.

We're going over to Mr. Chow's, you heading over?

Uh... yeah, yeah.

Want to ride with us?

Uh...

Yeah.

(door opens)

Hey, Mel.

I tried that thing you do all the time--

praying.

And it works.

Thanks for coming home.

Baby, we need to talk.

Look, Derwin.

I know I've handled a lot of things badly.

-And so have I, and that's why... -Derwin.

Just...

I really feel badly about asking you to wait for...

Melanie, just let me finish.

It's about Drew.

About Drew?

What about Drew?

Okay, after the video,

we started texting each other

-and talking to each other on the phone. -(sighs)

And...

I hope you're not trying to tell me

what I think you're trying to tell me.

Okay, Melanie, listen.

Oh, damn.

God, I feel so stupid!

You know, people were telling me you're no good,

but I defended your ass!

God, you had me up in her face,

asking her for an autograph, looking like a damn fool!

Yet this whole time you were sleeping with her?

See, Mel?

Ain't nobody say anything about sleeping with nobody, baby.

I just kissed her.

Oh, you just kissed her.

Derwin, you look me in the face right now

and tell me you didn't sleep with her!

Melanie...

Did you sleep with her, Derwin?!

No.

I wouldn't do that to you.

Baby, I love you so much

that I put a stop to it before it went too far.

-All right? -Mm-hmm, okay.

I don't want to lose you, Boo.

-All right? -(ring tone playing)

That better not be her.

Hmm.

"After-party tomorrow.

"Need you in my jeans.

Chamille."

Now it's Chamille?

Who's Chamille, Derwin?

-Who? -Negro, I didn't stutter.

Chamille Onaire?

Hey, hey, listen, hold up, hold up.

Yeah, yeah, who's Chamille Onaire?

That's Chamillionaire, Boo!

The after-party tomorrow, he wants me in his clothes.

The clothing line, baby, come on.

It's his clothing line.

(sighing): Oh.

Come on.

Chamillionaire.

(sighs)

Look, Derwin, I guess we both made

a lot of mistakes this year.

Yeah.

I'm sorry for sending you on a roller-coaster

with this engagement.

I was just worried about losing myself in your life

that I didn't realize I was sending you a message

that I didn't want to be in your life at all.

I love you, Derwin.

That's why I want to marry you.

And I want to be there for every bit of this ride.

Including tomorrow night.

If that's okay with you.

(chuckles)

I probably got to check with, uh, Chamille...

Onaire, is that how you say it?

So you're not going to leave me?

No.

Not over a kiss.

Uh-uh.

Mama didn't raise no fool.

You have to wash your mouth out with soap

before you can kiss me again.

(chuckles)

(hip hop music playing)

(indistinct voices)

Yo, what's up, B?

You okay?

Yeah, yeah, fine.

Let's go...

get me a drink and you a cranberry juice.

No matter how you say it, Mel, it does not sound cool.

Excuse me.

This recognition is not about the Saints.

It's about the city of New Orleans.

MALIK: Renee!

Girl, I've been blowing you up.

What, you can't answer your phone?

I'm trying to work, Malik, get out of here.

Yeah, man, she's trying to interview somebody

-that won an award. -Okay, look, Shrek,

I'm over here trying to take care of some business,

and I can't do that with you over here

creating unnecessary shade.

Danny, I'm sorry. Can we do this a little later?

-Later. -Sure. -Thanks.

Next time I see you,

you need take a hint from your hairline

and grow the other way.

Boy, don't make me call Tee Tee on your big ol...

Wait, wait, Renee.

Spare me the excuses, Malik.

All right.

I was nervous about being seen with you

because of your weight.

I admit it, I'm shallow.

Some might even say I'm caught up,

but I like you

and I shouldn't have stood you up.

I'm sorry.

What I'm trying to say is,

I want another chance to do the right thing.

Ha!

I'm not a charity case.

And plus, don't nobody want you.

You're a selfish, arrogant, shallow...

-I already copped to that one. -...mama's boy.

-I got it. -No, you don't.

All I wanted to do was go out--

not marry you, not have your babies-- just go out,

and for once, be free of my insecurities

about the way I look.

Baby, I love the way you look.

It's society that's causing me all these problems.

Girl, it's society's fault.

The way they pushing all these standards of beauty on me.

I've fallen for that.

I'm... I'm the victim.

You pissed me off... but you're cute and you're crazy.

I'm crazy about you, baby.

And that's it for this segment of Women Love Sports, Too.

Uh...

was... was that all on TV?

Yeah, we're live tonight.

Well, good.

Then they can get this.

(microphone bumps)

(cheering)

KELLY: They look happy.

Mm-hmm.

Mm, and so do our two new clients.

Hi, I'm Jason Pitts, and, uh...

Looks like the hos are here.

Unfortunately, I'll be covering this ESPY party all night.

Hey, don't forget to flip your hair.

We did good, Kelly Pitts.

Yes, we did, Tasha Mack.

Hey, what's up, Dionne?

Hey.

Congratulations.

Aw, thanks.

Hey, wait a second.

You get that thing worked out with Irv?

Oh, so now that the deal is done,

you want to talk about me and Irv?

Wow, here we go.

Yeah, here we go, Derwin.

You were a low-level draft pick just...

You know what?

I don't need to remind you about what I've done for you.

You know what I did,

so... I'm done with you.

Now let's see how long your secret

stays a secret.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What secret?

Derwin, you proposed to Melanie

on national television.

I turned that into a great story.

Don't you think that I could, uh,

take you and Drew Sidora

and turn that into an even better story?

(chuckles)

Wow, Dionne,

see, now you just making stuff up.

But I see it now.

You really need to get a life.

You know what? Cut the crap, Derwin.

Drew's stylist is my sorority sister.

She was standing outside the door

waiting for you two to finish.

Not that it took you all that long.

So this isn't hearsay.

I know you and Drew slept together.

So I guess the only person who doesn't know is me.

Huh, Derwin?

Mel...

Mm...

Just so we're clear...

It's over.

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