Original subtitles

- What? - Nothing.

If you're gonna give me shit, it's one of your ties,

so you'd only be giving yourself shit.

Why are you wearing it? Barbara's retiring. Big day.

- Why are you standing up? - Just wanted to.

Why are YOU standing up?

- Respect. - Sit down.

Right. As you know, I'm retiring, and plans need to be made.

I accept.

Sorry, you go.

- So... - EMMA: What do you mean, you accept?

Well, taking over the business.

Uh, why do you assume you're getting the business?

- (LAUGHS) Very funny. Go on, Mum. - BARBARA: She's right.

Why do you assume you're getting it?

(LAUGHS) You're both... very funny.

Well, birthright.

I could hand it over to Emma.

- Pfft! - Don't 'pfft' at that!

I'm your son.

Barbara, he may be your son, but you and I are both women.

- So... sisters over misters. - Oh!

Do you really want to give a position of power

to another straight white man?

Daniel, I thought you were an ally.

The sign says 'McCallum Real Estate'.

Yes, and I will leave it that way for six months out of respect.

Can I say something?

I haven't decided who's getting it.

Pfft!

SONG: ? Yeah, we know ?

? Even if we had so far to go ?

? Even if the pace is slow ?

? Well, I'll be coming home to you again ?

? If we find ?

? Something to feel that we belong ?

? If we can right all the wrongs ?

? Well, I'll be coming home to you again. ?

Oh, my God. I was kind of joking, but she could give the business to me!

I'm gonna be a really good boss.

If the door to my office is shut,

it's only because I don't want to talk to you.

She's not gonna leave it to you, mate.

She's just testing me, seeing how I'll react to uncertainty.

- She could be testing ME. - Nah, I don't think so.

Look, I'm sure you're worried

about how this will affect our friendship when I'm boss,

but don't worry, I'm not gonna abuse my power.

You don't even have to call me 'boss'.

- 'Ma'am' is fine. - Yeah, look.

I've been waiting for this my whole life,

so why don't you speed things up and just go in and tell Mum

you want her to leave the business to me

and then we can just get on with things.

Why would I do that?

You don't really want to be the boss, do you? It's more work.

- More responsibility. - Maybe I do want that.

This is the first job I've actually been good at.

You just want it because I want it.

You don't think it's possible that it's become important to me too?

(DOOR OPENS)

Hello.

- (DOOR CLOSES) - Hi, Olive.

- I need to speak to Barbara. - Oh, well, you can tell me.

Barbara trusts me with everything.

We have a special bond. Practically family.

Uh, no, tell me. I'm her actual family.

I'm basically a male Barbara.

BARBARA: What is it, Olive? I need you to evict a tenant.

I told you managing your properties yourself was a bad idea.

What's happened? She's stopped paying rent.

- How overdue? - Five months.

Don't the cops take care of it when people stop paying?

No... there's a whole procedure that needs to be followed

before the police get involved, something a manager would know.

Well, I know it now. I don't care how you do it.

Just get her out. If you do, I'll let you manage it from now on.

And your other properties?

Fine.

OK.

Daniel, Emma, get her out.

- Oh, um... - Sorry?

What's the problem?

It's just that we've never evicted someone before.

I know, and it's something you'd need to be able to do

if you were to, say, be in charge of a real estate agency.

I've got this, Barbara. Glad I wore my serious tie.

- That's my tie! - "That's my tie, ma'am."

- I'll leave you to it. - I don't care who gets rid of her.

Just let me know when she's out.

Every day she's in there, I'm losing money.

Here's the details.

- Uh, consider it done. - Because I'm gonna do it.

(OLIVE SIGHS)

(DOOR OPENS)

Give me a look!

- You nervous? - No.

But if you're nervous, I'm happy to handle this myself.

Oh, what, so you can tell Barbara I chickened out?

Why don't you leave and I'll do it?

Well, as your future leader, it's important I support my staff.

Pfft!

I'm gonna go with a more aggressive than normal knock,

to show that I mean business.

I'd actually go with a gentle knock, so as not to provoke them

or inflame the situation.

Well, we've only got one person to evict, so we have to share.

Me first. (KNOCKS FIRMLY)

- DANIEL: Hi. - Hello.

- EMMA: Hello. Jana? - Yeah.

- We're from the police. - No, we're from McCallum Real Estate.

- Yep, sorry, that. - Uh... OK.

- You are... - (DANIEL SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

We regret to inform you that you are evicted.

You must vacate the premises and are hereby banished.

- Too much. - Not banished.

But you must leave the premises

on which you are currently residing unlawfully.

DANIEL: It's not our decision. You haven't paid rent for five months.

- You've had warnings... - You have until midnight.

No. Uh, you just need to begin vacation as soon as possible.

You must go on a vacation.

Begin vacating... you can go on a vacation after,

but Olive wants you out, so you must, um...

Get out.

Please.

I understand.

I haven't been paying rent.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it's not good enough, is it?

(SIGHS) It's just, um... money's been hard since I got made redundant.

And, uh...

... uh, I've been trying to pay off my dad's gambling debt.

- Well... - Yeah, I know, I know.

You're just doing your jobs.

I'll go.

It's... (LAUGHS)

What is it?

Yeah - I, um...

... I don't have anywhere else TO go. (LAUGHS)

I'm hoping to get some government assistance soon.

Um, I don't know what the delay is.

But, uh, I think I just need a bit more time.

- Yeah. - And my little girl.

My little girl.

She's, um... she's been staying with her gran

until I can get back on my feet.

And, um, she... she really loves this place.

This, um... this is Sandy.

This...

(DOOR OPENS)

BARBARA: All sorted?

It's a... work in progress.

What's there to work on?

Is she still in the property or isn't she?

- She is. - Right. And whose fault's that?

It's just... she's a really nice person

who's just hit a bit of a rough patch.

Her daughter loves the place.

We... we couldn't just kick her out on the street.

- Oh? - Yeah, she's got nowhere to go.

And I know that you, more than anyone,

have a heart filled with mercy and kindness.

She's got money coming in. She just needs a bit more time.

Or maybe she just made it all up so you wouldn't kick her out.

Oh, I think we'd know.

If either of you had looked into this woman

before you raced out there,

you would have found out she has a history of scamming people.

- But her kid. - No kid.

- She showed us a photo. - Was she in the photo too?

Did it look like it came with a picture frame?

It... it was a very professional-looking shot.

She lost her job.

No. Remotely runs a truck dispatch.

- Has four staff members. - What?!

She targets private renters.

Olive fell for it, and so did you two.

- I had my doubts. - You did not.

Maybe I should sell the business.

- No. I'll sort it out, Mum. - I'll sort it out, Mum!

- That piece of shit! - Mum?

No, Jana! I'm never believing anyone about anything ever again.

Attention, everyone. We're already looking at you.

Yeah, well, I just wanted to make sure. I've got some big news.

- Pretty busy today, mate. - I'm leaving.

No, don't mind him, Bruce. Just tell us.

- That's it - DANIEL: What?

I'm leaving, Tasmania, for the mainland.

- Really? - Tell 'em why.

- Well, uh... - He got a job.

Yeah, I've been putting my cartoons online,

and someone on the mainland found them and liked them

and, yeah, offered me a job.

Isn't it great? He's Banksy!

Nah. And if I was, you shouldn't be telling people.

- Oh. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. - Yeah.

Wow, Bruce. Good for you.

Congratulations.

It's amazing, right?

Someone from our town, hand-picked for a big job on the mainland.

They're paying for his flights AND he gets checked baggage.

BRUCE: Yeah, I just realised that, uh, I've sort of been

here for a little bit too long and... you know, I need

- bigger opportunities to reach - fwtt! - My potential.

Yeah, well, I mean, I've... I've got some news too.

Uh, I'm gonna be taking over the business.

- Are you? - Maybe.

Anyway, yeah, so I... I leave Monday,

so I thought I'd do the final rounds and, yeah, say my goodbyes.

Emma, sure you'll, you know, find someone,

and hopefully me leaving, yeah, helps you... helps you move on.

- Thanks. - BRUCE: Yep.

Danny. Here we go.

BRUCE: Well, uh, there's always been this...

... animosity that has seemed to exist between us,

so I thought, yeah,

just give you the opportunity to apologise for YOUR part.

(SCOFFS) Me? Apologise?

- Yeah. - Could be your last chance, mate.

Is this a joke?

Told you he wouldn't. Let's go.

No, no, wait.

Bruce, since this may be the last time we see each other,

you're part of the reason I left Rosehaven.

- You made school hell for me. - You made after school hell for me.

And I know you're gonna say, "Oh, it was just mucking around,"

but I don't care.

I felt bullied.

And I thought when I moved back here,

"Surely, surely, he's different now,"

but you're not.

You're still the same self-centered arsehole you were at school,

who either has no emotional intelligence or just...

... refuses to admit that he hurt someone.

Worst apology ever.

- Oh, get out, mate. Good riddance. - Fine.

- That's how you want to leave it? - It is, yeah.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

- You OK? - Yeah.

Let's go evict someone.

(SIGHS)

Hi!

Did you talk to Olive? I just got off the phone.

I'm getting money next week! Sandy's so excited.

Stop your lies!

We know you were making it up.

Uh...

You didn't, though.

- You believed it. - Nuh.

And I've been enjoying another free day. (LAUGHS)

Do you know how much that would cost in a hotel?

I don't, because I've got a free house to live in.

- Yeah, well, not anymore. - You have to leave.

Mmm, no.

What? I'm not going.

- But you have to. - Yeah. But I won't.

You have no legal right to stay here.

(LAUGHS) Yeah. But I will.

What, you gonna try and drag me?

- Maybe. - You won't.

Well, we'll... we'll call the police.

JANA: I'm sure you both know that you'll have to go down

to the Magistrates Court and apply for an order of vacant possession.

If the magistrate rules in your favour,

then they'll give me a date by which I have to be out,

and if I'm not out by that date, THEN you can call the police.

Oh! (LAUGHS) Oh, did you think this was my first time?

No, but I think there's a really cool thing at the park

that you should come and see right now.

Oh! Oh! Why don't you take a picture and show me?

You'll have to come out sooner or later!

Do I? Ever heard of delivery?

Well, you'll miss cinemas eventually.

Oh!

I've got a whole heap of TV box sets

that I've been meaning to watch for years!

Actually, I have... (LAUGHS)

... I actually HAVE got somewhere else to go.

It's, like, a really nice place too.

I just...

... I don't wanna.

See ya!

- She's got us. - It's fine.

We'll just have to go through all the legal stuff.

Yeah, but that'll take forever and she knows that.

She'll milk every last bit of free rent she can.

Should we ask Barbara?

Uh... yeah, maybe you should give her a call.

- Why me? - No reason.

Mmm.

(SIGHS)

Is, uh, everything OK, Maddrick?

Yeah.

Just...

... what are you up to?

Uh... we're actually in the middle of something, sorry.

A tenant's stopped paying rent and they won't leave, so we've gotta...

I remember that.

- Sorry? - 'We'.

You think it's gonna be just the two of you forever, but it's not.

The radio show, that was just the beginning.

We were gonna get a web series going, merch,

maybe even get on TV one day.

It's perfectly normal to feel sad about Bruce leaving.

- He's your best friend. - (LAUGHS) I'm not sad.

I think it's great. I... I'm really happy for him.

Yeah, I've never seen you so happy.

Alright, maybe I'm a bit sad.

So, um...

... I need you to do something to make him stay.

Or come back quickly at least.

What ha... when you couldn't hack it on the mainland...

- That's not what happened. - ... what made you come back?

- I... I chose to. - Yeah, but why?

What made you give up on your dreams?

- I didn't! - Maddrick, listen to yourself.

Do you really want him to give up on his dreams?

I know. I just... I'm losing it!

I just...

... don't know what I'm gonna do without him, is all.

Well...

... have you told him how you feel?

No.

He's my best friend.

I can't ask him to give up on an opportunity like this just for me.

You don't have to tell him not to go, but you'll regret it

if you don't tell him how much you're gonna miss him.

(SNIFFS)

Um...

... you know, at the very least, you... give him a big send-off.

Or we can have a massive party after he's gone.

Have you had an idea?

- Yep. - About how to make Bruce stay?

- Oh, no, sorry. - Oh!

But... I think I know how to solve OUR problem.

Yeah?

Why aren't you excited?

Oh, it's just, you always celebrate your ideas

before you tell me what they are.

I'm just letting you get that out of your system first.

- Trust me, it's good. So get excited. - I will get excited.

After you tell me the idea, if it's good.

I already told you that it is good. Let's go.

Sorry, Maddrick. Gotta go.

I remember going places in a pair!

DANIEL: Sorry, mate.

- What's your idea? - OK.

So, you know how Bruce made you want to leave here?

- Yeah. - We have to do the same thing to Jana.

We need to make her want to leave the house.

I don't think we can give her a wedgie

or pour water on her pants and tell the class she's peed herself.

I know, so I thought we should be the property manager version of Bruce.

- Sorry, mate. - What... what... what do you mean?

OK, you know how most of our job is trying to stop tenants from leaving?

This time, we're gonna use all of the stuff

that people complain to us about when they're renting.

Right.

Like remember when Kelly from Brickwood wanted to break lease

because the neighbour kept cooking stinky food?

Yeah?

We cook stinky food, outside her house.

- We stink her out? - Yeah, but not just that.

Think back to all of the annoying things we've had to deal with.

We've got a full arsenal of annoying.

This chick won't last an hour.

- This could work. - Right?

Where do we start?

You want members of the neighbourhood watch

to knock on the door and run away?

Yep. No-one is as good at bothering people as you.

I was gonna say you've got access to a lot of volunteers, but that too.

Will doorknocking be enough?

Hello, Mikayla?

Would you be up for shining a torch in someone's window

while they try and watch TV?

Great.

Also, if you feel like tapping creepily on the glass,

that'd help too.

Yeah, so, Jim, we just want you to play your guitar really loudly

in their front yard - preferably nothing you're good at.

Oh, experimental is perfect.

- 6 Bolton Street's sink is all fixed. - Hey, Damien.

Do you reckon you could cook something stinky?

I've got some durian.

They smell so bad, it's illegal to eat them

on public transport in Singapore.

- Attention, Jana! This... - Here.

- Where'd you get that? - Damien's bathroom.

Attention, Jana. This is your last warning.

We highly recommend you vacate the premises.

JANA: You can't kick me out. I know my rights.

- We gave her a chance. - (DOOR SLAMS)

Alright, everyone. You know your roles. Let's do this!

I'm gonna start yelling TV spoilers in the bedroom window.

OK. I'll stay on the megaphone in case she wants to negotiate.

I've got an affliction for an eviction.

Shut up.

(SIZZLING)

(STRUMS DISCORDANTLY)

EMMA: Then Willow used the power of the Scythe

to share Buffy's power with dormant Vampire Slayers all over the world.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

EMMA: Right. Next, The Sopranos!

I'm not messing around, Jana. I'll do it!

- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - EMMA: Right.

- In the end of The Sopranos, Tony... - (VEHICLE DOOR CLOSES)

Oh!

Greg?

Uh, I had a call from Jana, asking me to disperse you.

- Please don't disperse us, Greg. - Uh-uh!

She's... Olive told me all about her.

I was thinking I could, uh,

run the sirens in her driveway,

if it would help.

- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - Yeah. Please!

Mm-hm. Yes!

(SIRENS HOWL)

DANIEL: Jana, the durian smell will spread through the whole house.

Can someone see if they can open the windows?!

So, it's contentious as to what it means, but what happens is,

Jack gets stabbed by the Man in Black and he's walking around the island,

and at the same time, he's having, like, a flash forward, I guess.

And he... he sees all his friends in a chapel hugging,

which I guess is the afterlife...

Uh, me again. Jana, this can stop at any time.

You just need to leave or pay rent.

I want her out.

Sorry, just confirming Olive does want you out.

JANA: I'm not going anywhere. You'll get bored eventually.

- (DOOR CLOSES) - (SIGHS)

- (GUITAR STRUMS) - (SIRENS HOWL)

- Danny! - Oh! Cool megaphone.

- What are you doing here? - We... we had a talk.

You told him you don't want him to leave?

- Wi-without a... a proper send-off. - Yeah, that's what I said.

Yeah.

We're gonna go and have pizza

with the person you're bullying right now.

What?! Jana called the radio show.

Told us what was happening. Disgraceful, mate.

She actually calls in a lot.

She's a big fan of our What's Maddrick Eating? segment.

Today it was corn.

Yeah, thought we owed her a visit before I go.

Plus, you hurt my feelings today, Danny.

Said I had no emotional intelligence.

(SCOFFS)

Well, you clearly don't or you wouldn't be

helping the person not paying rent!

- Even your dad's on our side! - What's going on?

- They're bringing her pizza! - What?!

- (SIRENS HOWL) - Bruce, you shit!

What's happening? They're bringing her pizza.

- (SIRENS HOWL) - Bruce, you shit!

Hi. Don't mind them. Come in.

- (STRUMS GUITAR) - You're a shit, Bruce!

And Heisenberg realised that drugs were not the answer.

DANIEL: (SIGHS) How long can we keep this up for, mate?

- (SIGHS) - Maybe if we still had Greg's sirens.

I bet you the anonymous phone call he got was from Jana to...

... get rid of them.

Look, I know it's hard, but we just have to stay the course.

Yeah, but we can't stay here forever. Maybe she likes the attention.

- And she's got pizza. - Hey, guys.

I'm really sorry, but I think I'm fanned out for today.

And Damien's out of durian.

That's OK, Frank. Thanks anyway.

- OK. - Thanks, Frank.

If we can't even evict someone,

do either of us really deserve to be in charge?

Yeah.

- (DOOR BANGS) - (LOUD COUGHING)

MADDRICK: Mate! That was brilliant!

What?

Oh, gee! Oh!

(LOCKS DOOR)

Oh, stink bombs!

(COUGHS)

JANA: Oh. Alright. (LAUGHS)

Fine.

I'm out. You got me.

- Can I just go get my phone? - Sure.

- Damien, no! - No, Damien, no!

- Oh, right, yeah. - BRUCE: Oh, mate!

So now what?

We help you move out.

We're not monsters.

We're actually really nice, but...

... you know, you were doing the wrong thing.

And this was really fun.

(TORCH CLICKS)

Stop that.

I'll change the locks, then I'll bring the ute around

and we can start loading.

BRUCE: Your stuff's gonna stink for a bit, though.

Collateral damage.

- Oh, yeah! - (LAUGHS)

BRUCE: Whoo!

Bruce, why?

Thought about what you said.

Talked to Maddrick about it and... maybe I was a bit...

... bit harsh.

We got the idea for the stink bombs from...

... from that time Bruce and I let off a bunch in class and...

... and we told everyone that you farted.

I remember that, yes.

I would have told you about it, but if she saw us getting along,

she wouldn't have let us in, so...

Um, yeah. Uh... good thinking.

Anyway, I...

... realised that some of the stuff I did

probably wasn't much fun for you.

So, yeah.

I'm... I'm sorry.

Thank you.

You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that.

Whoa! You guys!

Danny, are you saying maybe he shouldn't go?

- Oh, no, - I'm just really glad he apologised.

It... it just sounds like you're saying maybe he shouldn't go.

- No, no, I'm still glad he's going. - Bit harsh, mate.

No, sounds like a good opportunity for you.

Don't... don't go.

What?

I don't want you to go.

I thought you were happy for me.

MADDRICK: I know it's selfish.

I just wanted to tell you.

- Uh, maybe we should go. - Absolutely not.

Well, I mean... (CLEARS THROAT)

... I was thinking that maybe...

... you know, I'll... I'll be busy, but maybe...

... there'll be some opportunities on the mainland for... for us.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, we've got the, like... the demo tapes from the radio show.

And we could show them around and...

- But... - We?

Oh... it...

Well, I mean... He's asking you to go with him!

- Are you? - Yes. Yeah.

I wanted to ask you. I just... I wasn't sure if it would be weird.

No!

I would love that.

Bruce and Maddo on the mainland? Bruce and Maddrick.

- Don't ruin it. - Nickname to be confirmed, but...

- Come here. - What?

- Come here! - What?!

Why are WE hugging?

Shut up.

DANIEL: Yeah, so Damien changed the locks and... and done.

Olive's coming round later to do the paperwork

so we can start managing her other properties.

Our first eviction and our first name on our blacklist.

- I'm impressed. - With one or both of us?

You should know the whole plan was Emma's idea.

But, you know, it... it was Daniel's 20-year relationship with his bully

that, in the end, got her out, so, really...

I've made a decision.

Wait. I want to sit down.

No, no, stand.

- Just pick one. - OK.

Um...

... go.

The boss will be...

... both of you.

(GASPS) Shut up!

You gonna be OK sharing?

Yeah. I didn't really want to be Emma's boss.

She's always coming in late. I don't want to have to fire her.

Oh. March to the beat of my own drum.

Maybe you could march to an alarm clock.

Well, it was always gonna be both of you.

Together, you make one good real estate agent,

and apart, you're completely hopeless.

Thanks.

If Daniel dies, it goes to me, right?

- What?! - Depends how he dies.

Should we change the name? We're both equals.

So McCallum Dawes Real Estate?

I'm happy being equal boss, but we don't have to change the name.

- I like it. - You sure?

Yeah, and people would think we're selling doors. It'd get confusing.

Um, Mum, thanks for everything.

The... the agency you've built in this small town is incredible, and...

... I... I... I promise you, we'll... we'll make you proud.

Now, get out!

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it.

- After you, boss. - Thank you, boss.

Oh, wow. She must have cleared some stuff out last night.

- This is really happening. - I know.

Ah.

Look, we both knew this was gonna happen. So, how do we sort it out?

Rock paper scissors? Dance-off?

I'm happy to have the meeting room as my office.

- (DOOR OPENS) - Really?

You'd... you'd let me have Mum's office?

- (DOOR CLOSES) - Thanks, mate.

- Hi, Mum. - Uh, did you forget something?

No.

I'm retired, not dead.

I'll still be coming in. The wi-fi's better here than at home.

Lucky I've still got an office.

I need you to help me record a wedding video.

- Yes! - Barbara? A wedding celebrant?

She's gonna be offering a no-nonsense

business wedding alternative.

You haven't been telling people we're getting married for real?

- Said you were getting married. - I didn't say for real.

I knew it. It's about time you two got together.

Yes, we're getting married, but it's not real.

Is it for a visa?

Oh.

Hey, can you help me move the filing cabinet into my office?

Yeah, mate, I was thinking about that.

If you move into the meeting room, where are we gonna have meetings?

I don't care.

- Get off it! - You can't hog the meeting room.

You said I could use it!

Well, then, I want the meeting room as MY office!

- Too bad! It's mine! - Most of my stuff's in here anyway!

- EMMA: Get off! - DANIEL: That's yours.

- I've changed my mind. - EMMA: Get off!

Mrs Marsh, you're in charge.

Righto.

DANIEL: This is my locker anyway! I've got all my stuff in it!

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