Original subtitles

Pep, don't you think you'd better take it easy on the tequila?

You're really gettin' loaded.

You want me to blow my cover? I'm supposed to be a lush.

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Hi, hi, hi.

[Man] They're not here.

I think you got 'em in your brassiere, so why don't you, uh, disrobe?

- Pep, looks like he's got us. - What do you mean, "us"?

- That broad's a cop. - [Shouting]

Oh, good morning. Can I help you?

[Buzzer Sounds]

If you want my advice, you'll save yourself a few dollars and pick this one.

It's got the same movement, the same number of jewels.

You'll be getting the same kind of quality without having to pay for all the extras.

[Gasps]

All right. Stay right where you are.

Everybody freeze.

That's real fine, people.

Now I want everybody to move right over here.

[Chimes]

- Come on. I said, move! - [Woman Gasps]

Come on, lady. Move. T-Take your hands off me!

Don't you touch her.

I hope you all die! I hope you all die!

Shut up. [Grunts]

[Glass Clatters]

Okay!

[Coughs]

Are you all right, darling? Please. Never mind that now.

- [Shouts] - Please. Please! Will somebody please call the police?

?? [Jazz]

[Whispering] You didn't get any kosher dill pickle.

Yes, I did. I ordered it.

Nobody ever listens anymore.

[Bill] She got a great set of fingers, hasn't she?

You're relieved. How come?

Lieutenant Marsh wants to see you and Sergeant Anderson right away.

Lieutenant Marsh, is it?

You just say the word and we'll come rushing right down here, literally.

Even if it's in the middle of the night, we'll hop right in the car...

and we'll get down here in 60 seconds flat. I don't think...

No, I-I mean it. I mean it, Lieutenant.

Mr. Victor and I, we've always had great respect for law and order,

even when it concerned other people. Fine.

Forty years and no one even took a piece of worthless junk costume jewelry.

Now they've taken everything. [Elevator Door Opens]

Hey, Paul. How are you?

Okay, why don't you two go home and, uh, try to relax. We'll be in touch.

Uh, Lieutenant, remember what I just told you.

They had a woman with them. I'm sure of it.

Maybe it's part of their modus operandi.

Yeah. We'll be in touch. Thank you.

- [Elevator Door Closes] - Mr. and Mrs. Samuel B. Victor.

Home in Beverly Hills, Rolls-Royce, and suddenly they think they're paupers.

I don't know why everybody expects sympathy.

Nobody gets it from their doctors anymore at 50 bucks a throw.

[Bill] Sure. What they expect from me?

Well, they know you got a heart of gold, Paul.

What about, uh, insurance?

Stuff that was taken was on memo from a dealer in New York.

What about consignment insurance?

Had insurance for 100,000, but the take was well over half a million.

Oh, then they really are paupers.

Pepper, I hear you know something about jewels.

- Uh-huh. - Can you loupe a stone?

- Yeah. - Then forget about that lousy stakeout.

I'm borrowing you both for Robbery-Homicide.

- What do you got, Paul? Anything? - I think we do.

We'll know in a few hours.

[Doorbell Ringing]

[Ringing Continues]

Okay, hold on! Just a minute.

[Knocking] Uh, let me guess.

[Bill] Open up in the name of the law.

I knew it.

I woke you up. Oh, no.

I was up baking brownies at 2:00 in the morning, just as usual.

Well, don't just stand there hating me.

Go get some clothes on. I see you brought the Mr. and Mrs. bag.

You wanna give me some kind of hint...

as to what kind of climate I ought to pack for?

Think tacos. Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Marsh is sending us all the way to sunny Mexico.

That's great. But why does he always have to

send us someplace in the middle of the night?

I don't know, honey. I'm only a sergeant. Go get dressed.

For a taco, I'll do it. Uh, you wanna be a

little more specific where in sunny Mexico?

Did you ever hear of Masiaca?

Um, I think the last time I had it, the fever went down in about three days.

Masiaca's in the southeast corner of Sonora.

I hear it's not too heavy on tourists,

but Marsh says it's a wonderful place for a honeymoon.

Well, don't just sit there like a blushing bridegroom. Come on up and help me pack.

Who are we this time? The Ordways.

Mr. and Mrs. Ralph G. Ordway. Sounds wholesome enough.

Well, they're a couple of pretty good jewel fences.

Took a little business trip to Paris and ran into Interpol.

I guess we don't have to worry about them for a while.

Oh, and she's, uh, a bit of a boozer. You think you can handle that?

How much of a boozer? A lush?

Y... [Exhales] You can handle it.

What's the rest of it?

Well, yesterday, about six hours after the robbery,

they had a plane crash in Mexico.

Three people died.

Little charter from Santa Monica.

I'll bet it crashed near that town, didn't it?

That's right... Masiaca. Anyway, as I said, three people died:

the, uh, pilot, who seemed to be legit,

there was a jewel fence who was a Mexican national,

and then there was a guy named Clayton Burris... local address.

Boris? Burris.

Anyway, the, uh...

Some local friendlies were poking through the wreckage.

They came across a portable typewriter, only there was no typewriter.

It was full of diamonds. Hey, you oughta wear this in Mexico.

What about Burris? Did he have a record?

Yeah. Three counts of armed robbery.

Seven years hard time at Soledad.

Which means the gang is now down to four.

Four men, or maybe three men and one woman?

Well, all the jewels have been pulled out of the setting,

but if the weights and numbers match, then they're ours.

This whole thing's been cleared through Mexico City. That's what caused the delay.

I wouldn't be surprised if we had some company down there.

[Sniffs] If we ever get there.

What are you doing in my perfume?

I'm sniffing it. It's my latest trip.

Pep, come on already, will you?

You can finish the beauty treatment on the plane.

You sound like Ralph G. Ordway, an old married clod.

Come on. Be a good husband and do me.

[Plane Engine Stops]

- [Shutter Clicks] - Well, it's certainly quaint.

Yeah, looks like it was designed for glider traffic.

Way my stomach feels, I swear that pilot moonlights as a cabdriver in Tijuana.

That's all right, Mr. Ordway. You look good in green. [Scoffs]

Smile, honey. We're on Candid Camera. Mmm.

- [Shutter Clicks] - [Bill] Welcome to M�xico.

Well, I gotta admit it, Pep.

In some ways you're actually more photogenic than I am.

I disagree. I think she's better to look at when you see her in person.

- Gracias, se�or. - Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle.

Mmm-hmm. They all check.

Every single one of them fits the Victors' list.

I guess the Victors aren't paupers anymore.

Here are the rest. We managed, you know, without too much subtlety,

to photograph everyone who came in from the outside.

You can say that again.

Under the pressures of time, and with very limited resources,

we do the best we can, Sergeant Anderson.

I don't see anybody I've ever seen before. Wanna look at this?

Yeah. Hey, what about the guy who called you?

No, not one of those. This man was a native.

He claimed to represent clients who prefer to remain anonymous.

Most of what he said was... indirect.

But if you know the game and play along,

pretty soon the message becomes quite clear.

I bet, if you tried real hard,

you could, uh, give the impression of great corruptibility.

Sergeant Anderson, believe me, I might even deceive you.

So how did you leave it?

I told him if he seriously wished to discuss the terms...

to call me back, and when he does, I'll propose him a deal.

Then we move in and make the arrest.

You know what scares me? We might end up with only a middleman.

- Yeah, I considered that. - And there's the chance of losing these,

which would be very embarrassing all the way around.

Look, Lieutenant. With your permission, let's try something else.

Let's see if we can't smoke out the realies...

and stay flexible enough to get whoever might be on the other side of the border.

And what do we do next? Walk on water?

Look, it's not that hard. When the guy calls you back, you just cut him off clean.

He's gotta figure "A," it's too hot for you,

or "B," you're negotiating with somebody with a little more horsepower.

Either way, the people we're after aren't gonna like it.

And my guess is they'll come slithering right out from under a rock.

Here he comes.

Boy, I'd like to write him a ticket for jaywalking.

You know what that guy's problem is?

He's got no respect for the law.

[Both Snickering]

Feel like takin' a little ride? I'd love to.

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Truck Door Closes] [Engine Starts]

Funny time for a couple of ganefs like that to be out buyin' furniture.

[Car Doors Close]

?? [Mariachi]

Hey, partner.

Think you can handle two at a time?

I don't think he understands much English.

Well, shoes seem to have kind of a universal language.

That's pretty good.

I never thought about it like that.

Well, I happen to have the advantage of being in the business myself.

I import practically more shoes than anybody in the entire state of California.

Is that a fact? That's right.

Del Franklin's the name. Well.

Ralph Ordway. How do you do?

?? [Continues]

Ah. You make a great margarita. Thank you.

[Clears Throat] Honey, look what I found.

- Del Franklin, say hello to my wife, Trudy. - Buenos d�as, se�ora.

Del's in footwear, honey. Sandals and shoes.

He's down here on business too. Right?

- Well, there's no business like shoe business. - [Chuckles]

- Well, Dale, how's Roy? - [Franklin] Del.

Told you she had a sense of humor, didn't I? Sure did.

Well, all I can say is,

I hope what you're doing is more exciting than what we're doing.

Well, uh, I'd like to be in Puerto Vallarta myself,

but, uh, I can't make a dime there.

- Sometimes I wonder, is money really worth it? - Yes.

Listen, don't you believe her, Del.

She loves buyin' and sellin' more than I do.

I'd offer you a drink, but my sweet husband here...

thinks that liquor is brewed in the dark, deep caverns by the devil himself.

Honey, that's not true.

I said that a little wine, a little beer, every once in a while is all right,

but these double margaritas, that's somethin' else.

They go down like soda pop. Pop! Pop!

Hmm.

Listen, Ralph. Anybody who smokes those things has no right to pass judgment.

You know? [Chuckles]

Waiter! We're thirsty over here.

?? [Continues]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Elevator Machinery Humming] ?? [Continues, Faint]

[Elevator Door Closes]

?? [Continues] [Clears Throat]

He really latched onto me like a magnet out there.

Bet you a thousand bucks this is our boy.

[Slurring Words] Hmm. As I recall,

the last time you were positive about "our boy,"

I was lying on top of a cold storage compartment...

in a liquor store on Fifth Street,

and you wouldn't let me go to the bathroom.

You're not kidding, are you?

Hmm? I mean you're really gettin' loaded on it.

Pep, don't you think you better take it easy on the tequila? I can... handle it.

You want me to blow my cover? I'm supposed to be a lush.

Well, you sure got me fooled.

Ralph, I can't just sit here not drinking anything. He's staring right at me.

We didn't order any more drinks.

Who ordered the drinks? Did you order these, Del?

Yeah. They're on me, Ralph.

Mmm. Guess you don't like this style of music,

but there wasn't any Lawrence Welk in the jukebox.

- You gotta take what you can get down here. - Thank you.

?? [Continues, Faint]

So whereabouts in California are your stores located?

What'd you say? I said whereabouts in California are your stores located?

No, no, no. I-I don't have any stores.

I'm a wholesaler. I thought I told you that, Ralph.

- You gotta forgive him, Dale. - Uh, Del.

See, half the time he doesn't listen.

And don't ask me where his mind is, because I haven't been able to figure that out.

[Pepper, Franklin Chuckle]

Say, w-why don't you get up and show us how it's done, Trudy?

Ralph and I took a course in those silly dances... uh, rumba, fox-trot and tango.

$370, and I think we only took three lessons.

?? [Tango]

Pretty good, you know that?

Hmm. Didn't have three lessons for nothing.

Thought for a while you were never gonna ask me to dance.

I'd do anything to keep you from making a complete fool of yourself.

Me? Hmm. I think you're jealous.

Jealous of what? Of that? Ha!

[Grunts]

Did I fall or did you drop me?

[Pepper Laughing]

Hi, hi, hi. Hi, hi. You okay?

Yeah, okay. Okay.

I'm okay. I think I need a little air.

Are you okay, Ralph? Yeah, I'm okay.

I'll give you a little help. No, no. You stay right here.

I'm... I'm, uh... Tell Dale all about our Mexican furniture,

only don't you give away any of our trade secrets.

Oh, order me another, uh, "pop, pop, pop."

?? [Continues, Faint]

204, please. Thank you.

[Exhales]

[Lock Rattling]

[Sighs]

[Faucet Running, Turns Off]

[Water Draining]

[Floor Creaks]

What are you... Whoa!

How did you get in here? Me? Let me go!

How did you get in here?

What were you doing in...

[Panting]

[Screams]

[Groans]

Now that the first aid's over, I'd like you to meet my wife.

- Ralph, Trudy, this is Jana. - Hi.

Don't "Hi" me, you sneak.

You wanna try it again? Only this time I'll hide in the closet.

- Come on, honey. Take it easy. - Why should I?

She breaks into our room, goes through my things, zonks me cold...

Ladies, ladies. May I make a suggestion?

Why don't we all calm down, stop wasting our time and our energy...

and admit what we're here for?

Now, as far as I'm concerned, this says it all...

A loupe, a leverage gauge and a diamond scale, yes?

See? I told you she was going through our things.

Come on, Trudy. Come on. Please. Take it easy. Hmm?

Now, we happen to be very nice people.

- [Scoffs] Yeah, you're lovely. - To prove it to you,

I'm willing to give you $3,000 for your time

and your trouble and bid you bon voyage.

Even with a lump on my head, that's very funny.

What she means is we've gotten to where we

like it here. You wanna take a look at this?

It's a little, uh, sample of the merchandise.

Some of the furniture we came down here to buy.

One of 26 different pieces.

- Excellent. - Mm-hmm.

And we've already made the deal, folks.

So if anybody's moving on, it'll have to be you two.

Uh, just one minute. Hmm?

Hon, you feeling any better?

Some dumb chick I turned out to be.

Well, you caught her, didn't you?

Seems to me it was the other way around. Mmm.

Listen. If, uh, you're willing to be reasonable,

maybe we can still do some business, hmm?

[Chattering In Spanish]

[Clucking, Squawking]

[Shouting, Chattering Continue]

[Squawking]

Come on!

Come on, Big Red. Get him! Go, go, go.

[Whistling, Chattering]

If nobody minds, we're going back to our room.

Watching two roosters beat to death doesn't exactly turn us on, you know what I mean?

Just stick around until we get things settled, okay?

What's to settle? We've got an outlet waiting for us in Mexico City...

that'll pay us 60 cents on the dollar.

That's just the point. I can handle it for you right here.

Sixty cents on the dollar? You know what you're talking about?

You're talking about, uh, $308,000.

I know. Give me two days.

Come on. Get up and fight, you quitter!

- Your wife's cute. - Thank you.

You know, she's a very basic woman, Trudy.

That's one of the reasons I love her.

Listen, if you wanna make the deal at that price,

you must've found a pretty good exchange for yourselves.

Indeed I do. Seventy on the dollar?

Seventy?

Which leaves 10% for the Franklins...

and saves the Ordways a hell of a lot of runnin' around.

Now, doesn't that make sense to everybody?

[No Audible Dialogue]

All right.

You come up with the money in 24 hours, maximum, and we swing.

Fair enough.

Provided I get to see the rest of what we're buying.

Okay.

There's a furniture factory over on the Calle de Flores.

We'll meet one of you there tomorrow at noon. Why just one?

Because you swing a mean flowerpot, lady, and we'd like to keep the odds even.

[Shouting, Chattering Continue]

[Pepper] You know what I'd like to see some day?

The owners put in the ring and tear each other apart.

[Rooster Crows]

[Pepper] Well, we aren't the only early birds up and about. [Engine Starts]

You get the feeling the Ordways have checked out of the hotel?

[Engine Starts]

[No Audible Dialogue]

They never had the stones to start with.

Yup, and I bet they knew we were gonna rip 'em off.

Think about it, Cliff. They know where we are right now.

Gee, Pep, I hate to say I told you so. This road would get to anybody.

Oh? You think it's the road, huh?

Thought maybe it might have had somethin' to do...

with all that soda pop you were pop, pop, poppin'.

I just regret I have but one stomach to give to my department.

Can I write that down? You can write this down:

The next time I drink tequila, it won't be with a flowerpot chaser.

[Tires Squealing]

They're not going to Mexico City. Hmm. Not by car anyway.

[Bill] Well, we just passed our friendly federale.

[Cliff] Soon as they get to the airport, they're ours.

- [Siren Wailing] - Do you hear something?

Yes, I certainly do.

[Siren Stops]

[Engine Stops]

Buenos d�as, se�or.

Say, w-why didn't you stop the guy ahead of me? Yo no hablo ingl�s.

I said why didn't you stop the guy ahead of me? He was goin' as fast as I was.

Lo siento mucho, pero no hablo ingl�s.

That plane... where's it going?

What, Flight 472?

I-I don't know the number. The plane that just took off.

That is Flight 472, se�or. Where is it going?

Well, you can see it right here for yourself. Oh. Okay.

Flight 472, uh, lands in Tijuana for direct connections north.

Right. Thanks.

What? [Coins Clattering]

[Phone Rings]

Hello? It's them.

They got the stuff? They got the stuff? Shut up, will you?

Yeah. Cliff, how's it goin'?

Look, you're gonna have to speak up. We got a lousy connection.

Did you get the stuff?

Now, all I want you to do is to meet that plane. Okay?

You know the time and the place. Just be there, all right?

Okay, it's all settled. They'll pick 'em up after they land.

Se�or Franklin?

Se�or Franklin, you're under arrest.

[Scoffs] I don't understand. What for?

I have a deposition signed by two American police officers.

One of them, incidentally, a very beautiful blonde.

They're cops?

Stating that you tried to purchase stolen jewelry?

Look, Officer, you know as well as I do that

no deposition's gonna hold up in any court.

Let's just say that it will detain you long enough.

And if it doesn't, I always have this traffic citation.

[Woman On P.A.] Flight 109, Los Angeles to Reno, is now boarding at Gate 18.

Right there. What?

This is gonna be interesting.

Do you have anything to declare?

- Uh, just this. - That's all? Just the one bottle?

Well, only one of us drinks.

That's it. What?

Stones are in the bottle. Won't they take it from them?

No, dummy. Watch.

Uh, is there any duty on the tequila? Well, you're in luck, sir.

You just made the legal limit... one quart.

[Chuckles] Well, what do you know? For once we did something right.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Hey. Here they come.

[Woman On P.A., Indistinct]

What about the dude in the funny clothes?

[Pete] What funny clothes?

Yeah, they just got on the elevator. They're coming down to the lobby now.

Roger. We're ready.

[Woman On P.A.] All passengers holding tickets for Flight 109,

Los Angeles to Reno, please report to Gate 18.

You're not getting off at the main floor, Mr. Ordway.

Pete?

Yeah? They didn't get off. They kept on goin' down.

Damn it. We've been had.

[Male Announcer On Radio] Pop fly to center...

Go over there and sit at that table. You too.

[Announcer Continues]

You folks just make yourself cozy. It won't take but a second.

[Announcer] has a stand-up double, and he missed by inches...

I forgot it was Sunday. What?

The game's on. It's that old boy next door. He listens to all them games.

Football, baseball, hockey... Don't make no

difference. He could care less what it is.

Wonder what the score is. What?

Wonder what the score is.

[Pepper] What a waste of good tequila.

They're not here.

What makes me mad is we just had all that stuff pressed.

Come on. Stand up. Get over here.

Come on now.

Now, you empty out that purse and let's see what you got in your pockets.

You're wastin' your time.

All right.

Where?

You don't think we're stupid enough to carry it on us, do you?

Well, you had it when you left Mexico.

When we left Mexico, it was in the mail already, in a plain cardboard box.

That's right. So that little cap pistol ain't worth a dime.

No, if you want what we got, you're gonna have to deal for it.

[Announcer] He hits a curveball. Smothered by Phillips!

I think somebody just hit a home run.

[Dialing Continues]

[Exhales] It's me... Emery.

We got some problems. You better get over here right away.

[Handset Settles In Cradle]

Didn't those dummies who work in baggage think it was a little strange,

two men coming out of an elevator holding guns?

Why should they? They were wearing security uniforms.

That's another thing. Where'd they get the uniforms?

Well, we don't know, Lieutenant.

But I imagine by the time our people finish lookin' around out there,

they'll find a couple of guys in some closet with their B.V.D.s.

So two men come out of an elevator pointing a gun at a man and a woman,

and nobody can muster up enough curiosity to say, "Hey, what's it all about?"

It's a hell of a day's work. That's all I can say.

[Announcer] As we go into the bottom of the ninth inning,

the Dodgers holding on to a 5-4 lead.

Five runs, 11 hits, one error.

The Giants four runs, nine hits and three errors.

[Continues, Indistinct]

[Sighs]

[Elevator Machinery Humming]

[Knocking]

It's about time.

They're police!

[Emery] Them?

Yes.

Are you sure? Yes. Yes. We saw those two.

At the headquarters. They got off the elevator. I remember it.

Her face in particular.

Where you goin', Emery?

They're cops. They got the stones. They've seen us.

Where the hell do you think I'm goin'?

[Door Slams]

Oops. Sit down there.

You're just a can sittin' on a fence.

I'll blow you over the backside of the hill. Sit down.

What happened to Emery?

Thought he was supposed to be your number one big shot operator.

Hey, Emery! You better hightail it.

[Car Engine Starts] They're right behind you. Get goin'.

[Tires Screeching]

Maybe you oughta get away too, while you've still got the chance.

Why is that, darlin'? We surrounded?

I'm gonna stick around here. I'm too loyal.

I wanna help out my buddies.

It was never supposed to happen like this!

Ain't that the truth. Don't you sweat.

I'll get you out of this mess, one way or another.

You know what he means, don't you? You know what he means?

Oh, if there were only some way you could understand.

It was never supposed to happen like this!

After 40 years, working 10 hours a day...

I didn't make this economic mess!

I give honest value, pay my taxes, even say prayers to God.

After 40 years, we're failing!

Mr. Victor, what he means is, you pay him enough money, he'll kill us.

?? [Radio: Organ]

That music... That's that boy next door. He listens to all them sportin' events.

And it'll be just the same as if you pulled the trigger yourselves.

Isn't there some kind of a deal we can make, Officer?

Some way you can guarantee we won't go to jail?

We can try.

Yeah, yeah. She won't...

She'll make a deal for ya.

She'll give you about seven, eight years in the joint.

After today, all them conspiracy charges you

been fishin' turn your head right around.

All I was trying to do is save my business.

You kidnapped police officers, held them at gunpoint...

But if you had no prior knowledge, you're not involved.

But I did have knowledge.

But think, Mr. Victor. Compared with murder, those are minor charges.

It don't make no difference. You know as well as I do...

you go to the joint, and the Mrs. go with you.

We couldn't take it. We would die.

We're too old. We couldn't survive.

I'm gonna fix it so you don't have to worry for the rest of your lives.

For how much money?

Oh, no, Sam. Please.

Now, just the insurance money. That's it. That's all.

How could you consider anything like this? How could you?

I'm willing to pay them, but they won't take it.

They'd lock us up,

in different places where we couldn't possibly survive.

We would never see each other again.

And Sherry and David and the kids...

I-If you love me, Sam, don't do this.

Listen to her, Sam. What she says makes sense.

They need us, Hannah. How can they get along without us?

And we still need each other.

Mr. Victor!

Well, folks. Ball game's over.

You might as well sit down.

Sit down.

[Pepper] You're never gonna see a cent of that money.

Why is that, honey?

Those jewels were on memo, consigned by a dealer from New York.

His insurance company has the right to subrogate against the Victors...

and take everything they own.

Yeah, well, you wrong again, see?

'Cause they're gonna make a settlement.

They give 'em half, see? $50,000.

Just so them poor folks wouldn't go out of business. See?

Now, what I want is them stones.

You know, you use that thing, you kill two cops...

You're gonna have cops swarmin' over you like ants over sugar.

- [Clicks Tongue] - Have you thought about that?

"Have you thought about that?" Says that real pretty. Yes, I thought about that.

And the conclusion I've come to...

is I didn't kill two cops, see?

I kill me two finks... by the name of Ordway...

A couple of second-rate jewel fences.

You're gettin' kind of fuzzy-headed there, aren't you, friend?

Fuzzy-headed? All I know is, friend, that I want them stones.

- We don't have them. - "We don't have them."

You said that real pretty then. "We don't have them."

Well, you know somethin'?

In my fuzzy way of thinkin', I think you do have them.

Tell you the truth, I don't think you let them out of your sight.

You couldn't afford to lose 'em, not on what they're paying you.

Now, could you? Am I right? Am I right?

Yeah, I'm right.

And the jackpot question is, see,

which one of you two has 'em and where you keepin' 'em?

Stand up.

Why? Not you, Romeo.

You stand up. I'm gonna have a little talk with you, just you and me. Come on.

What about?

I'm gonna talk to you about where you got them stones stashed.

You know, I think you got 'em in your

brassiere. That's where I think you got 'em.

[Scoffs] You're insane.

That's a very loosely thrown around word, you know that?

"Insane."

But I've heard that many times in my life.

My dear mom used to tell that to me,

and a whole multitude of schoolteachers used to tell that to me,

and some acquaintances I met in the joint used to tell that to me.

But right now, in this moment of my life, see,

I'm holdin' this piece on you, and you're lookin' into it.

So it don't make no difference who's insane, who's sane. Know what I mean?

So why don't you, uh, disrobe?

[Exhales] I don't have to do this.

Yes, you do, because I'm tellin' you to now.

Take it off. You got 'em and I want 'em.

Come on.

Pep, looks like he's got us.

What do you mean, "us"?

Well, I mean, when you're faced with a situation like this,

best thing to do is just relax and enjoy it.

- [Exhales] - See that?

Crowley, I think you've blown your cotton-pickin' mind.

You know what I think is, I think you're stallin', see?

Now, don't do that to me. Just unbutton it. Come on. Take it off.

Easy, Romeo. I'll blow your head off. Come on.

Where you goin'? I'm goin' back here.

No, you comin' out here. I'm not going to take it off...

Get out here, or I'm gonna take it off for you. Now, come on.

I'll go back here. Yeah. I can't see you. Come on out here.

- This is good enough. - Pep, do it.

Come on.

Pep, do it now!

Operator. Police emergency.

One... Here's a copy of the Victors' statement,

- in case either of you are interested. - Not right now.

Ah, the whole thing seems so stupid.

You better be careful. You're startin' to feel sorry for 'em.

The trouble with you people from Criminal Conspiracy...

is all of you were born without souls.

- You got a heart of gold, Paul. - [Door Closes]

Speaking of souls, William,

- I have just one question for you. - What's that?

Just how far were you willing to let me undress for our kooky friend?

Well, let's face it, kid. Our lives were at stake.

I guess I was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.

I hope real soon we run into a lady jewel thief...

A nice, tough, aggressive, liberated female.

- It wouldn't work. - Why not?

She'd never believe I was wearing a bra.

- [Laughs] - Would she?

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