Original subtitles

[theme music playing]

["Oh Yeah" playing]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ The moon ♪

♪ Beautiful ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

[Ben] Not looking too bad, for a married man.

I'm married.

How weird does that sound?

Seriously.

I am a husband who has a wife, a sexy wife,

who's waiting in bed for me right now.

And I know exactly what's expected

of a good husband.

Hey.

Have I ever told you how hot you are?

And there they were, out of the blue,

the words I didn't expect to hear

for at least another 40 years.

Not tonight, Ben.

I've got a really bad headache.

I know that sounds like a line, but I've just had

a hell of a day at work, so...

Okay.

Oh, get a room, you two.

Oh, yeah, says the newlywed.

Like you and Mel aren't going at it like rabbits.

Ooh. Ooh.

Oh, Mel... ooh.

So, ah, we'll be down at the Boat Club

later on to finish up that job.

Ah, yeah, okay.

[Dave] Everything all right?

What Rachel just said, the rabbits thing,

it's about more than that, yeah?

-Ah-- -Being married.

It's not just about, um, going for it.

I mean, I know that that's part of it,

but it's not everything.

No, it's not.

Like, when you and Mom were first married,

how often did you...

-You know. -Oh, oh, um...

Well, ah, mate, I think that's different for everyone.

There's no, no, real quota system.

That all depends on what's happening

in your life. I mean, when Jules

and I got married, we'd already had Rachel

and, ah, a baby means

not too much action for a while,

which is probably why I'm not the one

you should be talking to right now.

-No. -[Dave] You know.

-Is there a problem? -No.

No, no, it's just a future reference

sort of thing.

All right.

I've got some invoices to do, so, um--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no worries.

Like I said, it's not as if it's an issue.

Do you think it's an issue?

Mate, there's no set rule for this sort of thing.

See, what you've got to remember--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone's different.

And you can never believe what anyone says.

Not when it comes to the bedroom.

Yeah, it's just you hear about those couples

who have been married for ages and then suddenly

they realize they haven't had sex for five years.

And if they're happy with that, does it matter?

Oh, is this a senior moment?

Do I really need to spell that one out for you?

Ben, how many times do you think

your grandmother and I had sex the last few years

of our marriage?

Oh, mental health seriously at risk here.

I could count it on two hands.

You're kidding?

I mean, were you guys, you were--

Really happy.

And I wouldn't swap those last few years

for anything, and that's my point.

It's not about a number.

Being a good husband is about how much you care.

Not about how many times a night you can do it.

Is this some kind of a survey?

No, it's... I'm just interested, that's all.

There's no problem.

It's just about putting your wife's needs

-before your own. -I know, Dad.

Emotional, not just physical.

-Thank you. -And romance.

That's the key.

[Ted] That's what I keep telling him.

Yeah, and when Jules and I, you know,

-again-- -Dad, please.

And I'm not putting her under any pressure,

but when we do, it's going to be...

-[Ted] Romantic. -[Dave] Yes.

Okay, I get the point. Thank you.

Loud and clear.

Hey, Matt. Walla, walla, wincha!

-Oi, you see that? -Yep.

He just looked at me like I was some kind of freak.

It's a weird way to say hello to someone

you barely know, Carbo.

Ah, I'm yesterday's news, mate.

I'm finished.

I mean, it wasn't even 15 minutes of fame.

It was more like six and a half.

I nowhere near made the most of it.

I didn't think it was going to be over so soon.

-You and me both. -What?

The honeymoon period.

I thought it was never going to end.

Oh.

I need to do something for Mel,

something that's really going to knock her socks off.

What sort of something?

You know, like the stuff they do in the movies?

Not those sort of movies, Carbo.

What's the most romantic thing you guys can think of?

You guys are useless.

I don't really think I'm an expert on this.

What sort of loser doesn't even get

15 minutes of fame?

Walla, walla, loser.

Ruby's asleep.

So I know you're due at work...

Yeah, I'm already running late.

Yeah, well, you could tell Jake to get started

and you'll be there soon.

-Where's Ted? -Mmm.

Gone to get the paper.

He'll probably stay for a coffee.

What, so we've got 15 minutes?

Better than nothing.

What?

Oh, it's just...

What?

Just not very special, rushing like this.

-What? -[baby crying]

Oh...

Hold that thought.

-I'm holding it. -[Julie] Coming.

Ah, are you going to be home late tonight?

No, hopefully not.

Just depends how busy we are.

I should go.

I want to drop in and see Sammy on the way.

You still worried about her?

Yeah, I can't help it.

She's just not her old self and I hope

she doesn't freak too much when I tell her you know.

Is that what you were thinking about last night?

Ben.

Or... are you upset with me?

Just 'cause there's one time I don't feel like it

doesn't mean there's something wrong.

Just really bothering you, isn't it?

No, not at all.

I'm just, just checking, that's all.

Seriously. That's all it was.

Anyway, I was thinking

how about I cook us some dinner tonight?

Putting takeaway on plates is

sort of like making it.

Dinner sounds perfect.

I should be home around 7:00.

See you.

Oi, hey.

-Oi. -[Melissa] Oh, hey...

-Sorry, stay back, I stink. -Yes, you do.

-Yes, I do. -See you.

Yo.

Hey, uh, you guys have to get out

of the house tonight.

I want it to be just me and Mel.

Well, you've got a door on your bedroom, Ben.

-Why don't you use that? -No arguments.

I'm serious.

Tonight is just the two of us.

I'm keeping the romance alive.

-Good plan. -Thank you.

Says the marriage expert.

[door closes]

-Do you want one? -Sure.

[sighs deeply]

Are you okay?

Yeah, just had a couple of drinks last night, that's all.

How about you jump in the shower

and I'll make the coffee?

Um, yeah, okay, I'd, ah, I'll just be a sec.

[Melissa] I have to tell you something

and I'm scared you're gonna be mad at me.

But can I just say first up,

it's not going to be a problem, I swear.

-You've told Nathan. -No, no, no,

-but I have told Ben. -Mel.

No, he won't say anything, I promise.

-Well, what if he does? -No, he won't.

I trusted you! I cannot believe that you--

[Melissa] Look, I don't want to fight with you.

Nathan still has no idea you're in Sydney...

But look, sooner or later surely he's gonna...

[cell phone chimes]

[sighs]

Hello?

Yeah, thanks for calling back.

Oh, this afternoon, um...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can see him then.

Okay.

That was just my lawyer's office.

-Lawyer? -Divorce lawyer.

Don't I just love those words.

I'm so glad that I can apply them to my life.

It's just what I always wanted, really.

I know you know this, but I just have to say it.

Alcohol won't be helping right now.

Have you thought about talking to someone

about all of this?

What, a shrink?

Well, there's a psychologist I know of by reputation

and she's meant to be fantastic.

Yeah, well,

I don't need to sit on some random's couch.

-No, it's not like-- -[Sammy] And I don't need

someone I thought was my friend,

coming around here, patronizing me.

Fine. I'll leave you to it.

But seriously, just think about it.

It's not wrong to ask for help.

So you guys reckon you'll be finished today?

Oh, sorry, I forgot about that.

Forgot? Mate, should we be worried?

[Ben] It's for a magazine shoot.

Do you reckon you could work around them?

I think we'll find a way to cope.

Yeah, not that we'd even think about looking, eh.

Not for a second.

[Ben] Enjoy.

["You Sexy Thing" playing]

♪ I believe in miracles ♪

♪ Where're you from ♪

♪ You sexy thing ♪

♪ You sexy thang, you ♪

♪ I believe in miracles ♪

♪ Since you came along ♪

♪ You sexy thing ♪

You've got a bit of a fan there, mate.

It's not me she's looking at, sugar daddy.

Oh, come off it.

♪ How did you know I'd give my heart gladly? ♪

♪ Yesterday I was one... ♪

Not exactly into subtlety, is she?

Oh, look, it's a bit of a change

from bum-pinching geriatrics.

-Yeah. -Not a bad one either.

♪ Where're you from You sexy thing ♪

♪ Sexy thing, you I believe in miracles ♪

♪ Since you came along You sexy thing ♪

[Ben] Not looking was proving hard,

harder than Dad could've imagined.

-You all right, mate? -[Dave] Yeah.

Just looking for, um...

this.

Just trying to...

[Julie laughs]

It's like being 14 years old again

and back on the school bus.

You know, you're sitting there and you've got

the vibrations and then suddenly it's, like,

-away it goes. -A mind of its own.

[laughs]

Is that it?

Have you had enough laughing?

-Are you done yet? -Oh, no.

I haven't even started, darling.

And hey, for the record,

I think you should be very happy that I'm laughing

'cause there'd be a lot of wives

that wouldn't think this was funny at all.

God, well, she wasn't even that attractive.

-Oh, please! -[Dave] No, no, she wasn't.

I mean, it looked like she needed to eat a whole lot

-of lamb chops. -[Julie laughs]

Anyway, it's your fault.

Oh, what, that she needed to eat some lamb chops?

No, because you're the one

who got my mind on it this morning.

Oh, and how you managed to resist, I have no idea.

Well, bugalugs put paid to that and look...

is there anything wrong

with wanting more than five minutes?

Darling, at this point in time

we have to take what we can get.

Ah, Dad, didn't you say you had to do something

with, um, Friend Finders tomorrow night?

Yeah, a double feature at the pictures

-and a late supper. -Ah.

Who said old farts don't know how to party?

So, if Rachel goes out with Jake,

it means we'll have the whole place to ourselves.

-We'll make a night of it. -[Julie] Mmm.

-I'll cook lamb chops. -[chuckles]

And I'll keep everything crossed

that Ruby stays asleep.

-Is it a date? -Hell, yeah.

Ah.

[Dave] Until tomorrow.

[door closes]

[Ben] Dad wasn't the only good husband

getting his hopes up.

-Is Nathan home? -Nope.

We've got the place to ourselves.

Oh, firstly, she dumps the biggest secret ever on me

and then attacks me for trying to help.

-Who? -Sammy.

I know she's having a hard time,

but it's not fair and her hangover didn't help.

I'm guessing she knows I know?

Yeah. Not happy.

And not in a good place at all.

Compared to her, Nathan is doing fine.

-Hey, come here. -[sighs]

She'll come around. She just needs some time.

[Melissa] Yeah. How much time?

We can't sit on this forever.

Oh, that is great.

You've got takeaway. I can smell it.

Waiting to go whenever you're ready.

-I ran your bath, too. -Oh, you're the best.

Do you want to go and have your bath

-and then some dinner? -Yes.

A bath is just what I need and then I'm going

to get into something more comfortable.

[sighs]

What?

It's just when you said something more comfortable...

how was your bath?

Perfect. Just what I needed.

Sorry about before.

I just came in and vented all over you.

What are husbands for?

[Melissa] I spent the whole day

thinking about Sammy.

Well, you can let that go now.

Yeah, I guess so.

Thank you so much for going to all this trouble.

I didn't get a chance to scratch myself today.

So, you were saying you're tired?

Mmm.

Like, really, really tired?

Sorry, I wish I was better at turning my brain off.

It isn't my brain I wish I could turn off.

[Melissa] I brought up the idea of Sammy going

to see someone, a psychologist,

but she took it the wrong...

Sorry, I need to stop talking about it.

[Ben] Grandad was right.

A good husband performs in all rooms

of the house, not just the bedroom.

Talk about it as much as you like.

Really? Just over dinner, I swear.

I'll bring it in.

Now it was me who had a headache.

[Rachel] Okay, what's he like? Spunk?

Well, he's not here yet.

Mom's vacuumed the house three times.

She's nervous.

She's not the only one.

What if I don't like him?

Well, why wouldn't you?

What if he's a freak?

Give Grace some credit.

Well, like, she got it so right with Dad.

Okay, good point.

Can you come over?

No, I am not going to gate crash your mom's date,

and I told you I've got heaps of work

-to get through. -Bring your computer.

Work here. Please? Hang on.

-Jake, is this okay? -Great.

-[Grace] Are you sure? -Great.

Yeah?

She's changed more times than she's vacuumed.

Jake.

You've gotta come over, please.

Okay, okay, I'm coming over.

You happy? All right, I'll be there soon.

Bye.

[Julie clears throat]

Um, Jake's meeting Grace's new boyfriend

tonight for the first time and he's very,

very nervous, so I think I'm just gonna go over there

and make sure he doesn't get all protective

-and stuff things up for her. -Yeah.

Yeah, that's a... that's a really good idea.

Are you going to stay there overnight?

Um, I don't know. I'll let you know if I am.

-See you. -Thanks.

[Rachel] Sorry I can't stay for dinner.

Bye.

So, how about the date for tomorrow night,

we move up to tonight?

Looks like I'll be heading down

the club tonight.

Ooh, oh, sorry, Dad.

Would you mind?

After dinner.

She's obviously going through some anger stage

and I'm a safe person to take it out on.

Still, it's not fair to shoot the messenger.

Maybe I'll just text her the number

of the psychologist and then it's up to her.

Yeah, but you can't force that sort of thing on people.

I know, but I really think it would help her.

I think you're caught up in this enough.

I've got to say it feels weird being around Nathan.

It's like I'm watching everything I say

for fear of spilling something.

You're back. How was the pub?

Oh, dud band, dud crowd.

-Well, there's other pubs. -Oh, no way. I'm stuffed.

Still... Hey, leave the plates.

If you're tired, you should go to bed.

-Oh, thank you. -[Ben] I'll take care of it.

-I'll see you guys tomorrow. -Good night.

[Ben] What are you guys doing back?

Oh, keep your hair on.

It's not like much was happening.

She's got a lot on her mind.

What, work stuff?

Something like that.

Look, maybe the problem is you're not taking it far enough.

I mean, okay, dinner's nice, but in terms of

a big passionate statement...

Mmm, maybe you're right.

Maybe to be romantic, I've got to go way over-the-top.

Hey, I can do you a deal on some flowers.

I've just had a cancellation on a big order

for a funeral today.

How does anyone cancel a funeral?

Was the guy not dead anymore?

[Carbo] Oh, no, no, no, there's a funeral,

there's just no flowers.

You know, the relos found out that they got left out

of the will. White lilies.

-Beautiful. -[Nathan] Whoa.

Nothing says romance

like a dead man's canceled flowers.

No, it's got to be bigger than that anyway.

Everybody does flowers.

You could at least try leaving the house,

then there's less chance of Mel going upstairs

and putting on her trackie dacks.

True.

Or you could go hot-air ballooning.

This guy once organized that for one of Sammy's

girlfriends and apparently she was grateful for months.

Grateful?

Very appreciative.

You know, that's not such a dumb idea.

-We could go at sunset. -Ooh.

-[Ben] It'd be perfect. -Oh, yeah.

And then we come home and Mel would be...

[both] grateful.

Grateful.

No way, you shouldn't do yourself down

on the whole marriage expert thing.

It's a good idea.

[playful music playing]

Hey, we can help poor Benno out.

-What do you mean? -We can have

the most romantic surprise Mel's ever had in her life

waiting for her right here, at home.

-What are you talking about? -We've got the rest, mate.

-Don't we, Natho? -Ah, yep, yes.

[Ben] Thanks, mate.

-[Carbo] Natho! -What?

That's a terrible idea.

Look, shh. Keep it down, okay?

No, it's not. Have some faith.

I have absolute faith that it's a terrible idea.

It's a little bit retro isn't it, Carbo?

It's not retro, it's classic.

Look, look, some things just never go out of style.

I think just leave it to Ben.

If he does the hot-air ballooning,

then it'll probably be enough.

In fact, I'm sure it'll be enough.

Anyway, I'm going to go to bed.

-Good night. -Yep, good night.

[playful music playing]

Hey, Toula, yeah, it's me.

Yeah, listen, no, no, no, look, shh.

I've got a mate. He's having a few problems in the bedroom.

Yeah, no, a mate.

And I thought you could help me out.

-[Rachel] Hey. -[Jake] Thank you.

There's something really sus about the guy.

Jake, you make him sound like a serial killer.

Well, how do we know he's not?

-Oh, hi, Rachel. -Hi, Grace.

I am so sorry to barge in like this.

-Oh, no. -[Rachel] I need to talk

to Jake about some stuff for work, so...

Oh, no, that's fine. Come in.

My friend Doug's here.

I'm just watching a movie with him.

Oh.

[helicopter blades whirring on TV]

So, Doug, Mom tells me you've been married before.

That's right.

Didn't work out, then?

Jake, I've told you all this.

[Doug] No, it's okay.

I'm fine with it.

We're divorced. It wasn't easy,

but we've managed to stay friends.

Best for the kids that way.

-The kids? -Yeah, two.

They're great.

Handling it really well.

So how did you and your ex-wife meet?

Was she one of your staff as well?

-[Rachel clears throat] -Jake!

Um, ah, would anyone like a drink?

I'll get them.

I'll give you a hand.

Are you all right?

There's something about him.

He's just... He's too smooth.

-Oh, please. -Oh, you heard him.

What, he's into rental DVDs, he likes bushwalking

and he knows a lot about cleaning products.

He's a regular lounge lizard, Jake.

And anyway, listen, it does not matter what we think.

Your mom really likes him, okay?

Don't stuff this up for her.

Don't.

That'll be another beer for you, mate?

Oh, no, it's all right. Thanks, mate.

Hey, Jake, you've no need to worry.

My intentions are honorable.

[playful music playing]

[Ben] And while Jake was grappling

with being a good son,

Dad was ticking all the boxes in the good husband checklist.

She is finally asleep. We have the most

well-behaved daughter in the world.

Are you sure you're ready?

What part of this makes you think that I'm not?

Well, just because there was an incident today, I...

Oh, is that what we're calling it?

I just don't want you to feel pressured.

I don't at all.

Ah, it must be Dad. He must've forgotten something.

[Rachel] Hey, Mom.

Or the other daughter not so well behaved. Hello.

-Hi. -I thought you were staying

-at Jake's tonight? -Yeah, we were.

Yeah, till Jake glassed Doug

and things just got a bit awkward.

-So we thought-- -No, Rachel thought--

It was best to give Grace and her friend a bit of space.

-Oh. -How nice for them.

-Who's up for a DVD? -[Julie] Oh, what now?

[Rachel] Yeah. It's apparently very funny.

Oh, ah, yeah, your father and I were about to turn in.

No, no, I read a review of this. It's supposed to be

-a real cracker. -Dave...

-The 40-Year-Old Virgin. -[Julie] Ah...

We'll get it started.

I thought you had work to do?

[Julie] Hey, what, what are you doing?

Well, they're here now. We can't just kick them out.

Well, we don't have to watch a movie with them. Come to bed.

No, look, I... I'm not going to go and hide away in our room.

[Rachel] It's about to start.

Coming?

No.

[upbeat music playing]

[Ben] But unlike Dad,

at least I had a plan in place.

And I was expecting big returns on my investment.

♪ Yes! ♪

[Ben] If all goes to plan, this time tomorrow

Melissa would be grateful and I'd be husband of the year.

[acoustic music playing]

Well, who would've thought there was a world

-outside my lounge room? -[laughter]

[Julie] God, do you have any idea how much I've missed you?

Hey, does someone have the 12-step program

-on speed dial? -Oh, shut up.

I'm not even a little bit tipsy.

-No... -No one gets drunk

-on half a glass. -Yeah, they do,

if they haven't touched the stuff in almost a year.

Or overtired from sleep deprivation.

Yeah, anyway, here's to Ruby's first pub lunch.

[all] Hey!

-And here's to Mom. -[Rachel] Yay, Mommy!

Oh, thanks, darling. Yeah, to me.

-[Melissa] Woo! -To reclaiming my life.

-Absolutely. -Here's to leaving the house

-on a regular basis. -Yay!

And here's to having sex again sometime

-before I die! -Oh...

No, no, your father doesn't want me anymore.

Oh, come on, Jules. You know, that's not the case.

No, well, why don't you just throw me down on the bed, then,

and have your wicked way with me?

Suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore.

Um, let me take that from you.

[Julie] Oh, yeah, go ahead.

I mean, it's all your fault anyway.

We were good to go and you two walked in the door.

Oh, wow, um, well, you didn't have to watch the movie.

[Julie] I told him that, but he wouldn't listen.

I was practically begging him for it.

Yeah, yeah, I got that, Jules. And, ah, so did everyone else

-in about a five-mile radius. -Oh, no one can hear me.

[playful music playing]

Oh, okay, maybe I'm a bit tipsy.

Sorry I'm late.

What?

What'd I miss?

Ah! I'll have water, thanks.

Since we're all here, I...

I've been giving a bit of thought to Tom.

And I'm thinking that, ah, what's best for me

is, um, let sleeping dogs lie. For now.

It was so long ago and the bottom line is that

he didn't come looking for me.

And if he wasn't interested when I could get away

with a mini skirt, isn't he,

he's not going to jump up and down now.

Anyway, thing is...

I'm just speaking for myself.

I hope everybody understands that.

-Mmm. -[Rachel] But isn't anyone

the slightest bit interested?

I mean, this is our grandpa we're talking about.

Mmm. Trust me when I say this, Rach,

it's not exactly a huge loss.

Yeah, well, you can say that, Nathan,

-because you've met them. -I met one of them.

Well, Tom is meant to be the spitting image of you.

Yeah, if I want to see someone who looks like me, Rach,

I'll walk past a mirror. I mean, it's just not

a good enough reason to go against what Chel wants.

No, I know. I know that.

And of course I'll be supportive.

It's just, you know, it's weird to think

there's a whole bunch of people out there

that we're related to, you know,

and we're never gonna get to meet any of them.

What do you think, Benny?

Well, Chel's made her mind up

and, ah, right now we've got to bail.

Well, where are you two off to?

He won't tell me. It's some huge surprise.

-Ooh. -[Ben] And that's the way

it's going to stay until we get there.

-Ooh. -See you.

-Bye. -[Nathan] See you.

Is it just me or does he get weirder every day?

[upbeat music playing]

[Melissa] If you tell me where we're going,

-maybe I could help you. -Oi! It's a surprise.

You'll find out when we get there.

-Yeah, if we get there. -Oi!

I know exactly where we are and we've got another...

Oh, 10ks and then we'll hit the turnoff.

[phone rings]

It's Sammy.

Hi. Sammy.

Hey, um...

look, I'm really sorry about yesterday.

-Oh, it's fine. -No, it's not.

Life just seems a little out of control at the moment

and I shouldn't have taken it out on you.

-No, honestly. It's cool. -[Sammy] Well, if you're not

doing anything today, maybe...

-Oh, um... -Oh, you're busy.

No, no, no. Mel, it's fine. I shouldn't have called.

I'm sorry. Just forget about it.

Hey, Ben and I are just in the car. Can you hold on a sec?

[sobs]

Hey, she wants to see me.

No! I've got the whole afternoon planned.

She's really upset.

Hey, how about I come past tomorrow?

Maybe we could go out for breakfast?

Sammy?

Look, I... I don't want to burden you. It's fine.

-Just forget it. -No, you're not.

-Honestly. How about-- -[phone beeps]

Sammy?

Is she okay?

No, she sounds terrible.

Look, I'm sure she'll be fine.

Really, trust me. And you're going to love

where we're going. I just know it.

And it'll be special and worth every cent.

Look, it's nothing over-the-top,

but there's no point throwing money down the drain.

Yeah, yeah, it's okay. Um, I'll just...

I'll call her later and check in.

Okay. Fun, secret, romantic activity, here we come.

[engine revving]

-Ben is going to kill us. -No, he won't, okay?

He'll be too busy bopping up and down

the SS Love Boat.

Hey, um, have you got the instructions?

-What do I do with this? -[Nathan] Um, okay,

it says that if it's H, then it goes with D

and if it's not D, then it goes...

Well, I've got H.

No, I have no idea.

-Mate, a great help you are. -Well, I hate to say this,

Carbo, but how sexy can a bed be if the major component of it

is called the bladder?

Mate, my cousin Toula's never had any shortage of takers.

Then why has she given you her waterbed?

Ah, that's 'cause the, um, husband found out

-about the other takers. -Oh.

-[Carbo] Mmm. -Well, look at this.

-[Carbo] What? -Well, are you quite sure

that this bladder is continent?

[Carbo] Oh, yeah. Toula told me about that.

That's where the stiletto went through.

She forgot to take off her stilettos?

No, who says she was the one who was wearing them?

Oh, my God. I feel like I have to wear rubber gloves.

Look, it's fine, okay? It's been patched,

it's sterilized. It's fine.

Now, look, are you gonna sit there whinging all day

or are you actually gonna give me a hand to finish it off?

Okay. What do you want me to do?

I'm gonna go downstairs

and throw the hose through the window.

You wait there and give me a yell

when you're ready for me to turn the water on.

Wow! I wonder what could possibly go wrong.

[upbeat music playing]

[Melissa] Ben, if you won't let me help, then at least

ask for directions.

It's not that.

You don't... You don't think she might do something stupid?

I don't know.

No, look, I'm sure she's fine.

Don't worry about it.

If she's that upset, we can't leave her alone.

Well, what about the surprise?

It's fine. Honestly. We'll just...

We'll just go over to her place and make sure

she's okay. All right?

Wow! I've always heard there's nothing like a bit

of leopard print to really class it up a notch, Carbo.

Yeah, that's what Toula says.

How nice of her to throw it in, eh?

Yeah. Ooh.

The heater thing must be working. It's getting warmer.

-Yeah, you're right. -Ooh, this feels weird.

Oh, I think it's something you have to get used to.

Yep. You know, I hope they like it

after all the trouble we've been to.

And while we're on that point, how dumb are we?

Here's two single guys helping Ben,

who's a married guy, who really shouldn't need

-our help, but-- -[water leaking]

-Carbo? -Yeah?

-What's that noise? -What noise?

[water leaking]

[Nathan] Why is the floor wet?

-[Carbo] It must be leaking! -Well, of course it's leaking!

What are we going to do?

The instructions did say something about a repair kit!

There's gaffer tape downstairs. I'll get that!

And a hair dryer for the shag pile!

He's still here.

-He stayed the night. -You don't know that, honey.

Okay? He might've come back over this morning.

It's cold.

-The car hasn't been driven. -What does it matter?

She's stayed at his place heaps of times before.

-Exactly. His place not ours! -Shh!

Doug went home at 10:30 last night.

He came back this morning and we went for a walk.

Any other questions? Anything else you need to know?

No, Mom, Mom. Mom, I just want you to be careful, all right?

I don't want you to get hurt.

Oh, good! So we want the same thing, then.

-All right! -[Grace] For God's sake,

give me a bit of credit, please.

I wasn't born yesterday.

I really like Doug.

I mean, as far as I can see, he's a really decent man.

Yeah, that's the impression I got.

I mean... I know I've only just met him, but I...

I'm sorry. It's the truth. I like the guy.

Cleaning products?

Oh, sweetie.

Look, I know this is hard for you.

It's just been you, me and Alex for such a long time.

Look, it's... it's weird for me, too.

I haven't been with anyone since your father.

That's an awfully long time to be alone, Jake.

I've asked Doug for dinner and look, it's highly likely

that his car's going to be here tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry if that raises your protective hackles, darling,

but maybe in this case I don't need to be protected.

[soft music playing]

-Oh. -It really was a mistake

letting you off the leash too soon.

Do I have to call everyone to apologize?

No, you better prepare for the fact that today

has entered the realm of "remember that time..."

"Yes, when Mom got smashed on half a glass of wine

and told everyone she wasn't getting any."

Great.

Jules,

I just didn't want you to think I was rushing you.

You know, after Nathan was born

and we tried,

and it was all too soon

and you know, it was uncomfortable for you and...

Oh, I'd completely forgotten about that.

Yeah, well, I hadn't.

Oh, darling, why didn't you say something?

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, I... I just wanted you to set the pace,

you know, and... and don't think for a moment

that I haven't been thinking about it.

-Oh. -[Dave] Oh, God.

I've been thinking about it.

Well, are you thinking about it now?

Um...

[Ted] Organic chicken breast

on special, would you believe?

I couldn't pass that up.

[laughs]

What happened to the movie night?

-Canceled. -Mmm.

[Ted] Right. Call of nature and then I'm onto it.

Anyone for chicken cacciatore?

I think you better hold that thought.

Mmm.

[dramatic music playing]

[knocks on door]

[knocks on door]

-Ben? -Hey, I know I'm sorry.

I just I wanted to see you, too.

Can I come in please?

Yeah.

I already know what you think of me,

so if you're here to give me some kind of lecture...

No, Sammy, neither of us are here to do that.

I walked out on Nathan. I gave up.

I gave up and I ruined his life

because I didn't care enough about him.

Oh, Sammy...

[Sammy] You know, Ted was here.

He came to see Mom.

He didn't know I was listening.

He... He would never say a bad word about you.

-I know he wouldn't. -I could hear it in his voice.

I know what he was thinking about me.

And if you're here to tell me the same, then I just...

-I don't want to hear it. -[Ben] Sammy,

the only one saying any of this is you.

Look, Nathan stuffed up.

Big time.

And it would be really great if you guys were back together

and you were part of the family again.

Well, that's not going to happen.

-You're not listening to me. -Yeah.

I'm not saying any of this to try and pressure you.

Honestly.

We just want you to be happy.

[sobbing]

I feel like a failure, you know?

-No, you're not. -And I hate it

because I had this whole life and...

now look at me. I don't know who I am anymore.

[sobbing]

Well, I know who you are.

You're this...

totally awesome chick.

Who's really smart and together and beautiful,

who can do whatever you set your mind to

and at the moment I guess you're just...

taking some time out to figure out

what you want that to be.

-That's who you are. -Yeah.

[Ben] And that's what we all think of you.

You just need to get back to believing that yourself.

I could write it all down on Post-it Notes

if that would help?

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't make dumb jokes. They're not funny.

Look, whenever you're ready,

come around or call, whatever.

I know Mom and Dad would love to hear from you.

[sobbing]

I never, ever,

ever want to break up with you.

Well, that's good because I never, ever,

ever want to break up with you.

Ah, apparently it goes better if you turn the key.

We were going to go up in the sky

on a hot-air balloon

and it was going to be perfect and romantic and...

perfect.

And romantic and now...

we're going home to wa-wa-wa wincha,

pizza, pajamas and I'm sorry.

Hot-air ballooning?

-Yeah. -Really?

I wanted to do something romantic.

-Oh, it would've been! -I know.

Ben.

What was that for?

I thought if we were trying to be romantic,

it might be allowed.

I'm not trying, we're failing badly.

The whole afternoon's stuffed.

Are you joking?

The way you were with Sammy,

I was there thinking how lucky I am to be married

to such a beautiful, caring man

who gave up his whole afternoon

to help someone else.

Really?

Hot-air ballooning would've been great,

but it's not what makes me love you,

it's just who you are and... and the things you do

without even thinking about them.

So, would you describe yourself as grateful?

Okay. So the day hadn't gone to plan,

but I was still up for husband of the year

after all.

[door closes]

Oh! What are you doing here?

Hey, what happened to the hot-air balloon?

-Change of plan. -Oh, that's cool.

I can roll with it.

It doesn't matter because the second part

of the surprise is waiting for you right here.

-Upstairs. -What?

Don't look at me. What are you talking about?

[Carbo] Did you fix it?

I'd give it another half an hour.

[Ben] Oh, my God.

Ah, is there a reason we've walked into a '70s porno?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

I can't believe this is Carbo's idea of romance.

I can't believe you've been talking to him

about our love life.

Can we just go back to how gorgeous I was

this afternoon with Sammy

and forget about this part of it?

Yeah, luckily, it was pretty gorgeous.

[both moaning]

Oh, wait, no, we can't!

Nathan said not for half an hour.

What? Nathan!

[Melissa sighs]

You knew as well?

Oh, I tried to tell Carbo it was a dumb idea.

Did you hold a forum or something?

I was confused. I needed advice.

Obviously.

-Tea or coffee? -No, thank you.

Tea, please, lovely wife.

Hey, what happened with the ballooning?

-Oh, we got lost. -Oh.

And it would've been too late by the time we got there.

-Bummer. -Yeah.

[Carbo] Am I the love god or am I the love god?

Kettle's on. Tea, Carbo?

Hey, wait, haven't you got more important things

to do right now than drink tea?

Yes, frankly.

That's the point where we make ourselves very scarce, Carbo.

Okay. Just, ah, make sure something happens this time

'cause frankly we're sick every time

we have to leave for no reason.

Oh, okay, this is getting really creepy now. Just...

[door closes]

[chuckles] Come here.

I hate that I have to lie to Nathan.

I feel like such a traitor.

Oh, listen to me. Now, I'm doing it.

More important things to be thinking about.

Maybe you're more female than you think?

-I don't think so. -Ooh.

[Ben] Carbo on the other hand was definitely feeling male.

Check it out.

[Nathan] Ooh.

What does it say?

"Let me put the wa-wa in your wincha."

-Is this you? -Yeah.

-Really? -[Nathan] No!

Carbo, you idiot, I was busy doing the waterbed, remember?

You know what this means, don't you?

-[Nathan] What? -It's not over.

-Oh... -Some secret admirer's

got the hots for me.

Fifteen minutes of fame rides again!

Woo! [laughs]

[Julie sighs]

Ruby's asleep.

Mmm, that's good.

Yeah.

[Julie moans]

Ah, darling, but... but Dad's awake

and Rachel and Jake are, um, still...

Well, they can just get ear plugs

or just put up with it because I really don't care anymore.

[screams]

Not in my parents' house.

Rules are meant to be broken.

It's too quiet. They can hear us.

Oh, of all the nights Ruby could be asleep.

-What? -Well, if she cries,

it's a sound barrier.

What are you doing?

-[door slams] -[Ruby crying]

[Dave] Whoever made that happen,

you can deal with it!

[Ruby crying continues]

[Ted] I've got her.

You know, there is one way around all of this, don't you?

What's that? Go to a motel?

No.

Let's get our own place.

Are you serious?

Well, it's about time, isn't it?

["Oh Yeah" playing]

Okay, it's not that I'm not in the mood.

Are you feeling as sick as I am?

-Yes, I really am. -Bloody Carbo. Come on.

[both laughing]

Oh, that's so much better. I love dry land.

-It's not. The carpet's wet. -What?

The bed must be leaking.

-[water sprays] -[Melissa screams] Oh, quick!

Get a towel or something!

No, no, use this! Use this! Use this!

[screaming]

[Ben] Okay, so it wasn't quite what I had in mind,

but it seems Grandad was right again.

It's not about how much or how often or how hot it is.

A good husband just loves being with his wife.

[screams]

[upbeat music playing]

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