Original subtitles

Last night, after I left you, I was walking along

looking at the tall buildings.

And I was thinking about what Thoreau said,

"They created a lot of grand palaces here,

but they forgot to create the noblemen to put in them."

I prefer Mandrake Falls.

- I'm from a small town, too. - Really?

- as small as Mandrake Falls. - Gosh, that is interesting?

it's a beautiful little town. tall trees along Main Street.

Always smells fresh and clean.

- I often think about going back. - You have?

Oh, yes.

I had a lot of fun there when I was a little girl.

I loved to go fishing with my father.

You know, that's funny. My father was a lot like you.

He talked like you, too.

Sometimes I would hold the fishing line while he smoked

we would sit there for hours.

And after a while, for no reason, I would go and kiss him and sit in his lap.

He never said very much, but once I remember he said,

"No matter what happens, honey, don't complain."

He sounds like a good person to know.

- He played in the town band, too. - He did?

- I play the tuba in my... - Yeah, I know.

- What did he play? - The drums. He taught me to play some.

- He did? - I can do "Swanee River."

- Would you like to hear me? - Sure.

Let's see, now.

Way down upon the Swanee River

Far, far away

There's where my heart is going

There's where the old folks stay

Oh, I suppose you can do better.

Sure. I can sing humoresque.

Humoresque. I bet you don't know how it goes.

Look, you sing it again, and I will do humoresque with it.

You better be good.

- I wonder if they want to make it a quartet.

- Ready? - Yeah.

Way down upon the Swanee River

Far, far away

There's where my heart is going ever

There is where the old folks stay

All the world is sad and dreary

Everywhere I roam

Fire engines.

Fire engine. I want to see what they do. Wait for me, will you?

Looks like the evening Will not be wasted.

Hello. What do you want?

Captain Deeds, fire volunteer, Mandrake Falls.

Hi, Captain. Boys, meet the captain.

Hi, Captain.

- What's the matter, honey? - Nothing.

What's up, Babe? Something making you unhappy?.

No, it's nothing.

My instinct tells me something is wrong.

Don't be ridiculous.

You have not got far, have you? That's where you were an hour ago.

Come on, let's stop and go down to Joe's. Our friends are waiting.

I can't write it, Mabel. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Hello. Yeah, she's here. Who wants her?

Who?

Oh, yes. Yes, just a moment.

It's him. The Cinderella Man.

The Cinderella Man.

Hello.

Could not sleep. I want to talk to you. Okay?

No, not at all I could not sleep either.

I want to thank you again for going out with me.

Huh?

Well, I don't know what I would do without you.

You have made up for all the fake people I have met.

Well, that's very nice. Thank you.

You know what I have done since I got home?

I have been working on a poem.

It's about you.

Sometimes it's hard for me to say things, so I write them.

I would like to read it sometime.

Maybe it will be finished next time I see you.

Will I see you soon?

Gosh, that's swell, Mary. Good night.

Good night.

Mabel, he is either the dumbest,

most stupid, imbecile or idiot in the world,

or else he's the grandest thing alive.

- I can't determine him. - Uh huh.

- I'm crucifying him. - People have been crucified before.

Why? Why must we do it?

You decided to be a successful newspaper woman, didn't you?

- Yeah, then what? - I don't know. Ask the Gypsies.

Here's a guy that is wholesome and fresh.

To us, he looks like a freak.

Do you know what he told me tonight?

He said when he gets married he wants

to carry his bride over the doorstep in his arms.

The guy is insane.

Is he? Yeah, I thought so, too.

I tried to laugh, but I could not. It stuck in my throat.

Stop talking, will you? You will make me think about Charlie again.

He's got goodness, Mabel.

- Do you know what that is?

No, you don't. We have forgotten. We are too busy being stupid.

Too busy in a crazy competition for nothing.

- I beg pardon, sir? I beg pardon, sir. - Huh?

- Madame Pomponi is on the telephone, sir. - Who?

Madame Pomponi. She says everything is ready for the reception.

Why do you come in here when I am playing?

But she's on the telephone, sir.

Get out. The evil finger is on you.

- The finger, sir? Yes, sir. - Get out.

Stop.

- Did you hear that? - What, sir?

Why, that's an echo, sir.

- You try it. - Me, sir?

Yeah.

Whoop!

Louder.

Whoop!

Whoop!

- You try it. - Me, sir?

- Louder.

You try it.

All together.

Again.

Let that be a lesson to you.

Go back to your rooms, both of you.

Hello, darling.

- So good of you to come. - Oh, Madame Pomponi.

- Oh, I'm so happy to have you here. - Where is he? Where is he?

I'm eager to see the Cinderella Man.

He may hear you.

Even if he heard you, he would not understand.

Bad as that, eh?

I hear he still believes in Santa Claus.

Will he be Santa Claus? That's what I wonder.

Have you all got your slippers ready for the Cinderella Man?

- Think he will want that? - Now don't be bashful.

With $20 million he does not need to be handsome.

He won't have it long

with that Pomponi woman hanging around him.

My dears, I hear he can't think unless he plays his tuba.

You are a fool, Babe.

I just could not tolerate seeing him again.

Running away is no solution. What will I tell him if he phones?

Tell him I had to leave suddenly. Got a job in China someplace.

- You are acting like a schoolgirl. - What else can I do?

Pretending is no good. He is sure to find out sometime.

At least I can save him that.

- Hey, where is everybody? - Come on, Babe. The artillery's ready.

It's those two sore spots again.

- Oh! - Yeah.

All right.

Should have been to the office today, Babe.

Yeah. Mac threw Cobb out again.

- Boy, was he angry. - Just a minute. No, you don't.

Oh, just one little drink, and then we're ready to shoo.

- We are not going out tonight. - I thought you had a date with him.

- It's off. He's having a party at his house.

gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

- Say, what's the matter with her now? - You wouldn't know if I drew you a diagram.

Now run along and peddle your little tintypes.

Say, what is this? Throwing us out of here

is getting to be a regular habit.

Is Mary Dawson here? I'm Longfellow Deeds.

Oh! Oh, yes, of course. Longfellow Deeds.

Come in. Step in, please.

- You're Mabel, her sister, aren't you? - Huh? Oh.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Her sister.

Yes, I've been her sister a long time.

- Is she home? - Yeah. What?

- Is Mary home? - Oh, Mary. Oh, yes, of course.

I don't know whether she's home or not. I'll see.

Oh, there she is. Of course she's home.

- Hello. - Hello, Mary.

Yeah, I waited in the park for you over an hour.

I thought maybe you'd forgotten.

I didn't think you could come with the party and everything.

Oh, I wouldn't let them stop me from seeing you, so I threw them out.

- You threw them out? - You mean, by the neck or something?

Sure. They got on my nerves, so I threw them out.

I guess that'll be in the papers tomorrow. It'll give them something else to laugh at.

I don't mind, though. I had a lot of fun doing it.

- Would you like to go for a walk? - Yeah, yeah, if it isn't too late.

I'll get my hat.

Nice day, or nice night, wasn't it-- isn't it?

Yes. Lovely. We've had a lot of nice weather lately.

Yeah. It'd be a nice night to go for a walk, don't you think?

Oh, yeah, I think it'd be a swell night to go for a walk.

- A nice long one. - Yeah.

Ready?

Gosh.

She looks better every time I see her.

Thank you.

Good night. Don't worry. I won't keep her out late.

- Thank you so much. Good night. - Good night.

- Oh, my foot's asleep. - No, you don't.

No, you don't. Just a minute. The party's over.

- Listen, she told us... - No more photographs.

Glad you wanted to take a walk, Mary, 'cause I wanted to talk to you.

Let's just walk, hmm?

All right.

Mary, I'm going home.

Are you? When?

Oh, a day or so, I think.

- I don't blame you. - A man ought to know where he fits in.

I just don't fit in around here.

I once had an idea I could do something with the money,

but it kept me so busy I haven't had time to figure it out.

I guess I'll wait till I get back home.

Do you mind if I talk to you, Mary? You don't have to pay any attention to me.

No, I don't mind.

All my life, I've wanted somebody to talk to.

Back in Mandrake Falls, I used to always talk to a girl.

- A girl? - Only an imaginary one.

I used to hike a lot through the woods, and I'd always take this girl with me

so I could talk to her.

I'd show her my pet trees and things.

It sounds kind of silly, but we had a lot of fun doing it.

She was beautiful.

I haven't married 'cause I've been kind of waiting.

You know, my mother and father were a great couple.

I thought I might have the same kind of luck.

I've always hoped that,

someday that imaginary girl would turn out to be real.

Well, here we are again.

Yes, here we are again. Good night.

Good night.

Mary, I...

Excuse me.

Good-bye, darling.

Don't let anybody hurt you again, ever.

They can't, anyway. You're much too real.

You go back to Mandrake Falls. It's where you belong.

Good-bye.

Mary.

You know the poem I told you about? It's finished.

Would you like to read it? It's to you.

Yes, of course.

You don't have to say anything, Mary. You can tell me tomorrow what you think.

"I tramped the Earth with hopeless beat

"Searching in vain for a glimpse of you

"Then heaven thrust you at my very feet

"A lovely angel, too lovely to woo

"My dream has been answered, but my life's just as bleak

"I'm handcuffed and speechless in your presence divine

"For my heart longs to cry out, if it only could speak

I love you, my angel, be mine, be mine"

Oh, darling.

You don't have to say anything now. I'll wait till tomorrow till I hear from you.

Hey, what's the big idea?

Stop it, Babe. Stop it.

What do you mean, you're quitting? You might as well tell me I'm quitting.

What's bothering you? Hmm?

Last night he proposed to me.

Proposed to you? You mean, he asked you to marry him?

- Yes. - Why, Babe, that's terrific!

"Cinderella Man woos mystery girl. Who is the mysterious"...

Print one line of that and I'll blow your place up.

Sorry, Babe. Sorry. I just got carried away.

That's too bad. That would've made a swell story.

So he proposed to you, huh?

What a twist. You set out to nail him, and he...

Yeah. Funny twist, isn't it?

Hey, you haven't gone and fallen for that mug, have you?

Well, I'll be. Oh, that's tough, Babe.

- What are you gonna do? - I'm going to tell him the truth.

Tell him you're Babe Bennett? Tell him you've been making a stooge out of him?

I'm having lunch with him today. He expects an answer.

- It's gonna be pretty. - You're crazy. You can't do that.

He'll probably kick me right down the stairs. I only hope he does.

I'll put you on another job. You need never see him again, huh?

That's the rub.

Oh.

It's as bad as that, huh?

Telling him's a long shot. I'm going to take it.

Well, it was fun while it lasted, Mac.

I'll clean out my desk.

- How's it going? Okay? - Yes. Quite all right. Thank you, sir.

- Gold, huh? - Yes, sir.

- Fourteen karat. - Yes, sir.

- Is that the best you got? - Oh, yes, sir.

Those flowers are too high. I won't be able to see her.

- Get a smaller bowl, will you? - A smaller bowl of flowers, yes.

Yes, sir. A smaller bowl of flowers.

You get that stuff I was telling you about?

- Stuff, sir? - Yeah, that goo.

- That stuff that tastes like soap. - Oh, yes, sir.

Here it is, sir. The pâté de foie gras, sir.

That's fine. Have a lot of it, 'cause she likes it.

- Yes. - Now you got the idea.

That's fine. Sit over there, will you?

- Me, sir? - Yeah.

You're too tall. Slink lower, will you?

Yes.

More.

Come forward.

How is this, sir?

Perfect. Perfect.

I wish you luck, sir.

Thank you. Now, don't touch a thing. Leave everything as it is.

Oh, yes.

Walter. Walter!

Walter, where are you?

Yes, yes, what is it, sir? Anything happened?

"Anything happened?" I got to get dressed. I can't meet her like this.

- But she isn't due for an hour, sir. - An hour?

What's an hour? You know how time flies, Walter.

- My tie, will you? - Yes, sir. Very good, sir.

Yes, sir.

♪ Way down upon the Swanee River ♪

Just as I suspected, wise guy.

I don't mind you making a sap out of yourself, but you made one out of me, too.

Will you tell the gentleman I'm not in?

Mary Dawson, hmm? Mary Dawson, my eye.

That dame took you for a sleigh ride that New York will laugh about for years.

She's the slickest, two-timing, double-crossing...

- What are you talking about? - All right, go ahead.

Sock away, and then try to laugh this off.

She's the star reporter on the Mail.

Every time you opened your kisser, you gave her another story.

She's the dame who slapped that moniker on you, Cinderella Man.

You've been making love to a double dose of cyanide.

Shut up.

Oh, listen, Babe. I can't let you quit now.

You're not going through with this thing, are you?

This is for you, Mac. Names of all the head waiters in town.

You can always buy a better choice of scandal from them

at reasonable prices.

I've seen them get in a rut like you before, but they always come back.

Hello? Yes? Just a minute. It's for you.

In a couple of weeks, you'll get the itch so bad you'll be working for nothing.

- Hello? - Babe Bennett? Just a minute.

- Hello, Mary? - Oh, hello, darling.

Is it you who's been writing those articles about me?

Why, I was just leaving. I'll be up there in a minute.

Uh, look, um...

Yes, I did, but I was just coming up to explain. I...

Oh-- Oh, listen, darling.

Wait a minute. Please.

Listen.

I beg pardon, sir. Should I serve the wine with the squab, sir?

I beg pardon, sir?

If I knew you were going to take it so hard, I would've kept my mouth shut.

I'm sorry.

Pack my things, Walter. I'm going home.

Yes, sir.

You shouldn't be running away like this. What's going to happen to the estate?

They can have the estate.

Nobody's going to kick me out. Let me go! Let me go!

I want to see that guy. I want to see that guy. Let me go!

I want to see that guy. Let me go!

I want to see him. There he is.

I just want to get a look at him. There you are.

I just wanted to see what kind of a man you were.

I just wanted to see what a man looked like

that could spend thousands of dollars on a party

while people around him were hungry.

The Cinderella Man, huh? Did you ever stop to think

how many families could have been fed

on the money you pay out to get on the front pages?

- Let me alone. - Let him alone.

If you know what's good for you, you'll let me get this off my chest.

How did you feel feeding donuts to a horse?

Got a kick out of it, huh? Got a big laugh?

Did you ever think of feeding donuts to human beings? No.

- Shall I call the police, sir? - No.

What do you want?

Yeah, that's all that's worrying you. What do I want?

A chance to feed a wife and kids. I'm a farmer. A job, that's what I want.

Farmer, huh? You're a moocher. That's what you are.

I wouldn't believe you or anybody else on a stack of Bibles.

You're a moocher like all the rest of them around here, so get out of here.

Sure, everybody's a moocher to you.

A mongrel dog eating out of a garbage pail is a moocher to you.

- This won't do you any... - Stay where you are, young fellow!

Get over there!

You're about to get some more publicity, Mr. Deeds.

You're about to get on the front page again.

See how you're going to like it this time.

See what good your money's gonna do when you're six feet underground.

You never thought of that, did you? No.

All you ever thought of was pinching pennies,

you money-grabbing hick.

You never gave a thought to all of those starving people

standing in the bread lines,

not knowing where their next meal was coming from,

not able to feed their wife and kids.

Not able to...

I...

I'm glad I didn't hurt nobody. Excuse me.

Crazy.

You get all kinds of crazy ideas.

Sorry.

Didn't know what I was doing.

Losing your farm after 20 years' work.

Seeing your kids go hungry.

Game little wife saying, "Everything's going to be all right."

Standing there in the bread lines.

It killed me to take a handout.

I ain't used to it.

Go ahead and do what you want with me, mister.

I guess I'm at the end of my rope.

Could I take some of this home with me?

- Are you married? - Yes, sir.

- Any children? - No, no children.

All right, Mr. Dodsworth. I think you'll qualify.

Take this to that desk over there for further instructions.

- Thank you very much. - Next, please.

- How many does that make? - You've okayed 819.

- Is that all? - That's all.

It's going awfully slow. We need 1,100 more.

Hello? Yes. Yeah.

The water development seems okay. I don't like the road layout yet.

Come up tonight about 10 and bring the maps. Right.

Here's the order for the plows. We got a good price on them.

That's fine. Thanks. I'll look them over later.

Oh, Mr. Deeds, my wife wanted me to tell you she prays for you every night.

Well, thanks.

- How do you do? What is your name? - George Rankin, sir.

No, no, we're not buying any bulls. What's that?

Listen, fellow. Bull's what I've been selling all my life.

We've very little time. He's ordered me to turn everything over to him immediately.

We have to work fast, before he disposes of every penny.

See, I told you something could be done. I knew it all the time. Sign it, dear.

- We may get into trouble. - Oh, don't be so squeamish.

There's millions involved. After all, you have your legal rights.

- You're his only living relative. - What's it say?

That's your agreement with Mr. Cedar in case we win.

You see, my end is going to be rather expensive.

I have a lot of important people to take care of.

I have the legal machinery all set and ready to go.

I've been working on nothing else for the last week.

You say the word, and we'll stop this yokel dead in his tracks.

- Sign it. - Oh, all right.

- Charlie, we're off. Papers all set? - All set.

- Okay, then go to it. And, Charlie. - Yeah?

Find out who wrote those newspaper articles and subpoena him right away.

- Okay. - So what is your name?

Christian Swenson.

- Uh, farmer? - Yes, ma'am.

- Where is your farm? - South Dakota, north.

- South Dakota north? - South Dakota, but on the top.

Oh. Oh.

- What about your knocking off for lunch? - Not hungry.

I want to get through this work in a hurry, and then I want to go home.

Come on. What are you trying to do, kid, keel over?

You haven't been out of this house in two weeks.

Well, maybe I'll have a sandwich. Do you mind waiting a few minutes?

Oh, sure, sure. If you like to have a sandwich,

I can give you one, please.

Thanks. Thank you.

Never mind, Cobb.

Good.

Cobb.

- Get lunches for the rest of them. - What?

There must be 2,000 of them out there.

Well, that doesn't make them any less hungry.

Okay, Santa Claus, 2,000 lunches.

- Say something. - Say something.

Go ahead. Go ahead, tell him.

Mr. Deeds, the boys here wanted me to say a little something.

They just wanted me to say that...

Well, they wanted me to say that we think you're swell.

And that's no baloney.

- Say something more. - Give me a chance, fellows.

We're all down and out. A fellow like you comes along,

it kind of gives us a little hope.

They just wanted me to say that I...

Get back. Get back.

That's him.

- Are you Longfellow Deeds? - Yes.

Sheriff's office. We got a warrant to take you into custody.

A what?

A warrant for your arrest. You have to come along with us.

- What's up? What do you wonks want? - I don't know nothing.

All I know is the sheriff gives me an insanity warrant to execute.

Insanity? Who says he's insane?

The complainant is a relative of the late Martin Semple.

The charges are that Mr. Deeds is insane and incapable of handling the estate.

Somebody got panic-stricken about his giving his dough away, hmm?

Well, where do you think you're gonna take him?

- County Hospital. - Of course, that's only temporary.

A hearing will follow immediately.

That's fine. That's...

Just because I want to give this money to people who need it,

they think I'm crazy.

That's marvelous. That makes everything complete.

Let's get going.

Wait a minute. Not so fast. We're gonna get a lawyer.

- I'll call Cedar. - No, don't bother.

As a matter of fact, I'm from Mr. Cedar's office.

He represents the complainant.

Let's go. We're wasting a lot of time.

All right, I'll go. But get your hands off me.

Come on. Get back.

Step back here, will you?

Come on. Get back.

Yeah, boss, everybody in town has been here to see him.

Yes, sir. I will. Good-bye.

Hey, sorry, lady. Oh, it's you again.

- Oh, please. I've got to see him. - Now, listen, sister.

For the 14th and last time, he don't want to see nobody.

- Well, will you just give him my name? - Listen, toots, just between us,

there ain't a thing in the world the matter with that guy

till I mention your name. Then he goes haywire.

What are you going to do? Just sit back and let them railroad you?

It's as pretty a frame-up as ever hit this rotten town.

If you'd just let me get you a lawyer.

You can't walk into that courtroom

without being ready to protect yourself from the clinchers.

Cedar's too smart.

With the array of talent he's got lined up against you, you'll cook.

Listen, pal. I know just how you feel.

A blonde in Syracuse put me through the same paces.

I came out with a sour puss, but full of fight.

Come on. You don't want to lay down now.

Do you realize what's happening? They're trying to prove that you're nuts.

If they win the case, they'll shove you in the bug house.

The moment they accused you of it, they had you half-licked.

You've got to fight.

Go on. Sit down, won't you? Yes.

So long, Mr. Cobb.

Corny. Corny, listen, I've got to see him. I've got to talk to him.

Haven't you done enough damage already?

Somebody's got to help him. He hasn't a chance against Cedar.

Look, I've been all over town talking to everybody.

I've got Mac all lined up and the paper's behind him.

I can get him Livingston, too.

With a lawyer like Livingston, he's got a fighting chance.

You're wasting your time. He doesn't want any lawyers.

He's sunk so low, he doesn't want help from anybody.

You can take a bow for that.

As swell a guy as ever hit this town,

and you crucified him for a couple of stinking headlines.

You've done your bit. Now stay out of his way.

There he is now.

Here he is.

Cedar just sent for me. He wants to make a settlement.

Here's your chance to get out of the whole mess. What do you say?

Rise, please.

Supreme court, state of New York, county of New York,

selected term, Part 9, now in session, the Honorable Judge May, Judge, presiding.

Be seated.

The court wishes to warn those present it will tolerate no disturbances.

Regarding the sanity hearing of Longfellow Deeds.

You represented by counsel, Mr. Deeds?

- He's got no counsel? - No.

I understand you have no counsel, Mr. Deeds?

In fact, that you have no intention of defending any of these charges.

Now, if you wish to change your mind, the hearing can be postponed.

Crazy.

Proceed.

And in the interest of my client, the only other living relative

of the late Martin W. Semple,

we cannot permit a fortune so huge to be dissipated by a person

whose incompetency and abnormality

we shall prove beyond any reasonable doubt.

I have before me a series of articles, written by a newspaperwoman

who was an eyewitness to his conduct ever since he came to New York.

She tells how in the midst of a normal conversation

he would suddenly begin playing his tuba.

She tells of his attack upon several of our eminent writers

for no apparent reason.

I, myself, unable to keep pace with his mental quirks

and constantly fearful of assault,

turned down an opportunity to represent him as his attorney.

This newspaperwoman, whom we have subpoenaed to testify

tells how he held up traffic for an hour

feeding donuts to a poor horse.

We have photographs to substantiate this little episode.

Another photograph showing Mr. Deeds jumping aboard a fire engine.

This scarcely sounds like the action of a man

in whom the disposition of $20,000,000 may safely be entrusted.

The writer of these articles, a woman whose intelligence and integrity

in the newspaper world is unquestioned,

held him in such contempt that she quite aptly named him the Cinderella Man.

We have witnesses here from Mandrake Falls,

his own hometown, who will tell of his conduct throughout his lifetime,

proving that his derangement is neither a recent nor a temporary one.

We have others who will tell of his unusual behavior

when he invited the great leaders of the musical world to his home

and then proceeded to forcibly eject them.

- I hope he can explain that. - Yes.

Only recently, when he was in the county hospital for observation,

he not only refused to be examined by these gentlemen, the state psychiatrists,

but he actually made a violent attack upon them.

In these times, with the country incapacitated by economic ailments

and in danger, with an undercurrent of social unrest,

the promulgation of such a weird, fantastic and impractical plan,

as contemplated by the defendant, is capable of fomenting a disturbance

from which the country may not soon recover.

It is our duty to stop it.

Our government is fully aware of its difficulties.

It can pull itself out of its economic rut

without the assistance of Mr. Deeds or any other crackpot.

His attempted action must therefore be attributed

to a diseased mind, afflicted with hallucinations of grandeur

and obsessed with an insane desire to become a public benefactor.

Your Honor, at this time, we would like to call our first witness,

Miss Louise "Babe" Bennett.

Miss Bennett, please.

Raise your right hand, please.

Do you solemnly swear the testimony you may give before this court

to be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

- I do. - State your right name, please.

- Louise Bennett. - Take the stand.

Miss Bennett, are you employed by The Morning Mail?

I must ask you to direct your attention to me.

Your Honor, this is ridiculous.

- Please answer the question. - The whole hearing's ridiculous.

- That man's no more insane than you are. - It's outrageous.

It's obviously a frame-up.

They're trying to railroad this man for the money they can get out of him.

- Your Honor... - Young lady,

another outburst like that, and I shall hold you in contempt.

We are not interested in your opinion on the merits of this case.

You are to here to testify. Sit down and answer questions.

- Proceed. - Thank you, Your Honor.

Are you employed by The Morning Mail?

- No. - You're under oath, Miss Bennett.

I ask again, are you employed by The Morning Mail?

No, I resigned last week.

Well, prior to that time, were you employed by The Morning Mail?

- Yes. - Were you given an assignment

to follow the activities of Longfellow Deeds?

Yes.

Did you subsequently write a series of articles about him?

- Yes. - Are these the articles?

Yes.

Were you present when all these things took place?

- Yes. - Are they true?

- No! - But they did take place?

- They're colored to make him look silly. - And you saw them happen?

- Yes, but I... - That's all, Miss Bennett.

- It isn't all. I'd like to explain. - That's all. Your Honor,

- I submit these articles as evidence. - Let go of me.

What kind of a hearing is this?

What are you trying to do? Persecute the man?

He's not defending himself. Somebody's got to do it.

- Miss Bennett, please. - I've got a right to be heard.

I've attended dozens of cases like this.

They're usually conducted without any formality at all.

Anybody can be heard.

My opinion's as good as these quack psychiatrists'.

- I know him better than they do. - Miss Bennett,

if you have quite finished, I should like to inform you

that one more utterance from you, and I shall place you under arrest.

I'm willing to hear anything anyone has to say,

but I insist on it being done in an orderly fashion.

When you have learned to show some respect for this court, you may return.

Until then, you'd better go back to your seat and calm down.

This way, miss.

Order in the court.

Mr. Deeds, have you anything to say in defense of these articles?

Mr. Deeds?

Mark these Exhibit "A" for the plaintiff.

Yes, Your Honor.

Proceed.

They're rather timid, Your Honor, and wish to be together.

If the court pleases, I'll only have one testify.

- Yes, yes. Let's get on with it. - What is your name, please?

- Jane Faulkner. This is my sister Amy. - Yes. Amy.

Well, I'll direct my questions to you, Miss Jane.

You may answer for both. Do you know the defendant, Mr. Longfellow Deeds?

Oh, yes. Yes, of course, we know him.

How long have you known him?

- Since he was born. - Yes. Elsie Taggart was the midwife.

- He was a seven-months baby. - Thank you. That's fine.

Do you see him very often?

- Most every day. - Sometimes twice.

- Must we have the echo? - Suppose you just answer, Miss Jane.

Now will you tell the court what everybody at home thinks of Longfellow Deeds?

- They think he's pixilated. - Oh, yes. Pixilated.

- He's what? - What was that you said he was?

- Pixilated. - Mm-hmm.

Now, that's rather a strange word to us, Miss Jane.

Can you tell the court exactly what it means?

Perhaps I can explain, Your Honor.

The word "pixilated" is an early American expression

derived from the word "pixies," meaning "elves."

They would say the pixies had got him,

as we nowadays would say a man is balmy.

Oh. Is that correct?

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

Well, now, tell me, why does everyone think he's pixilated?

Does he do peculiar things?

He walks in the rain without his hat and talks to himself.

- Sometimes he whistles. - And sings.

Anything else?

Recently, he gave Chuck Dillon a thumping.

- Blacked his eye. - And why?

For no reason, I guess.

He always does it. We always run into the house when we see him coming.

Never can tell what he's going to do.

He sure is pixilated.

Oh, yes. He's pixilated, all right.

Thank you, ladies. That's all.

They kept hollering, "Back to nature. Back to nature."

And I thought they looked harmless enough, so I took them home.

I never thought he was cracked.

Well, I'm the waiter. He kept pressing me to point out the celebrities.

And so help me Hannah, I'm coming out of the kitchen

a couple of minutes later, and there he is mopping up the floors with them.

I never figured he was a guy that was looking for trouble.

He threw us out bodily, but bodily.

We was hired as his bodyguards, see? Well, the first crack out of the box,

he throws us in a room and locks the door, see?

Now, if a thing like that gets around in our profession, why, we get the bird, see?

So I says to my partner, "Let's quit this guy. He's nuts!"

I'm very fond of Clarissa. She's a nice horse.

And when this bloke here started feeding her donuts,

I yelled down to him, "Mind what you're doing down there.

Mind what you're doing." 'Course, I wouldn't mind, sir,

but Clara won't eat nothing but donuts now.

And now, Your Honor, if the court pleases, I shall call upon Dr. Emil Von Holler,

if he would be good enough to give us his opinion.

Dr. Von Holler, as you know, is the eminent Austrian psychiatrist,

probably the greatest authority on the subject in the world.

At present, he's in this country on a lecture tour

and has graciously volunteered his services.

- Dr. Von Holler? - Dr. Von Holler.

Do you solemnly swear

testimony you may give in the cause now pending before this court

shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

- State your right name, please. - Emil Von Holler.

Take the stand.

Dr. Von Holler, would you kindly tell the court what your opinion is of this case?

This is purely a case of manic depression.

A case of this kind, patients sometimes go on for years

before being detected.

You remember, Dr. Fosdick, in my last book,

- there were some very fine examples. - Mm-hmm.

Especially the one of the young nobleman. You remember?

Oh, yes. Yes, of course, Dr. Von Holler. Very interesting.

It reminds me very much of this one, nicht wahr?

- Ja. - It takes so long to detect them

because their mood changes so often and so quickly.

Now, Your Honor, may I show you? May I use the chart?

By all means.

Below here, they are extremely depressed,

melancholy, impossible to live with and often become violent.

From this mood,

the manic depressive might gradually change

until they reach this state.

Here is lucidity.

Here they are perfectly normal, as normal as you or I.

Assuming, of course, that we are normal.

Then the mood changes again

until they reach this state,

a state of highest exultation.

Here, everything is fine. Here, the world is beautiful.

Here, they are so elated-- how to express it--

they would give you their shirts off their backs.

Dr. Von Holler, how would you say that applied to Mr. Deeds' case?

Well, the symptoms are obvious.

When he was here, on top of the wave,

he felt nothing but kindliness and warmth toward his fellow man.

He wanted to have them around him, so he decided to give a big reception.

But in the meantime, his mood has changed.

He's now at the bottom of the wave. Depressed, melancholy.

So when his guests arrive, he throws them out.

They are now his imaginary enemies.

Other instances of high elations are when he plays his tuba,

when he writes his poetry,

when he chases fire engines in a desire to help humanity.

This is contrasted with his present mood,

which is so low that even the instinct for self-preservation is lacking.

Oh, the man is verrückt.

Your Honor, this is decidedly a case of manic depression.

Thank you very much, Dr. Von Holler.

Your Honor, we rest.

Come on, what are you going to do, let them get away with it?

They've got you cooked.

He's sunk.

Mr. Deeds...

before the court arrives at a decision, isn't there anything you wish to say?

Come on. Don't be a sap.

- You both concur? - Oh, absolutely.

All right.

Mr. Deeds,

in view of the extensive testimony, your continued silence,

and on the recommendation of the doctors,

the court considers it advisable, for your own safety,

that you be committed to an institution as prescribed by law.

You need medical attention, Mr. Deeds.

- Perhaps in a little while... - No, no!

No, wait a minute. You can't do it. You've got to make him talk.

- Your Honor, I object. - Oh, darling, please.

I know everything I've done. I know how horrible I've been.

- No matter what happens-- - Your Honor, I object.

...if you never see me again, do this for me.

- Miss Bennett, please. - You said I could speak.

You said I could have my say if I were rational. I'm rational.

Please, let me take the witness chair.

He must be made to defend himself before you arrive at a decision.

- Very well, take the stand. - Oh, thank you.

Your Honor, what she is saying has no bearing on the case. I object.

- Let her speak. - I know why he won't defend himself.

That has a bearing on the case, hasn't it? He's been hurt.

He's been hurt by everybody he's met since he came here, principally by me.

He's been the victim of every conniving crook in town.

The newspapers pounced on him, made him a target for their feeble humor.

I was smarter than the rest of them.

I got closer to him so I could laugh louder.

Why shouldn't he keep quiet?

Every time he said anything, it was twisted around to sound imbecilic.

He can thank me for it. I handed the gang a grand laugh.

It's a fitting climax to my sense of humor.

- Your Honor, this is preposterous. - Certainly, I wrote those articles.

I was going to get a raise, a month's vacation.

But I stopped writing them when I found out what he was all about,

when I realized how real he was.

He could never fit in with our distorted viewpoint

because he's honest and sincere and good.

If that man's crazy, Your Honor, the rest of us belong in straitjackets!

Your Honor, this is absurd. The woman's obviously in love with him.

What's that got to do with it?

Well, you are in love with him, aren't you?

- What's that got to do with it? - You are, aren't you?

- Yes! - Your Honor, her testimony's of no value.

Why shouldn't she defend him? It's the typical American womanhood.

The instinct to protect the weak.

I'm not saying that nobody likes the boy.

I cherish a fond affection for him myself. But that doesn't mean to say--

When the windbag here gets through, Your Honor,

I'd like to verify what Miss Bennett said.

I'm her editor. When she quit her job,

she told me what a swell fellow this man was.

And anything Babe Bennett says is okay with me.

If you have anything to say, you will take the stand.

I've already said it, Your Honor. I just thought I'd like to get my two cents in.

Don't be a sucker, pal. Stand up and speak your piece.

Your Honor, I've got a couple of cents I'd like to put in.

- Sit down. - I've been with this man

ever since he came to New York.

Sit down!

- There will be no further interruptions. - How about us, Mr. Deeds?

- Yes, what about us, Mr. Deeds? - Order in the court.

You're not gonna leave us out in the cold?

They're trying to frame you, Mr. Deeds.

- Stop this. - Order!

Order.

In the interest of Mr. Deeds, I have tolerated a great deal of informality.

But if there is one more outburst, I shall have the courtroom cleared.

- Your Honor? - Yes?

I'd like to get in my two cents' worth.

Take the stand.

Take a seat, please.

Proceed.

Well, I don't know where to begin.

There've been so many things said about me that I...

About my playing the tuba.

It seems like a lot of fuss has been made about that.

If a man's crazy just because he plays the tuba,

then somebody'd better look into it

because there are a lot of tuba players running around loose.

Of course, I don't see any harm in it.

I play mine whenever I want to concentrate.

That may sound funny to some people,

but everybody does something silly when they're thinking.

For instance, the judge here is an "O"-filler.

- A what? - An "O"-filler.

You fill in all the spaces in the "O's" with your pencil. I was watching you.

That may make you look a little crazy, Your Honor,

just sitting around, filling in "O's."

But I don't see anything wrong, 'cause that helps you think.

- Other people are doodlers. - Doodlers?

That's a name we made up back home

for people who make foolish designs on paper when they're thinking.

It's called doodling. Almost everybody's a doodler.

Did you ever see a scratch pad in a telephone booth?

People draw the most idiotic pictures when they're thinking.

Uh, Dr. Von Holler here could probably think up a long name for it

because he doodles all the time.

Thank you.

This is a piece of paper he was scribbling on.

I can't figure it out. One minute it looks like a chimpanzee,

and the next minute it looks like a picture of Mr. Cedar.

You look at it, Judge.

Exhibit "A" for the defense.

Looks kind of stupid, doesn't it, Your Honor? But I guess that's all right.

If Dr. Von Holler has to doodle to help him think, that's his business.

Everybody does something different. Some people are ear-pullers.

Some are nail-biters.

That Mr. Semple over there is a nose-twitcher.

And the lady next to him is a knuckle-cracker.

So, you see, everybody does silly things to help them think.

Well, I play the tuba.

- Nice work, toots. - Order in this court!

Your Honor, this is becoming farcical. I demand that Mr. Deeds

dispense with side remarks and confine himself to facts.

Let him explain his wanderings around the street in his underclothes,

his feeding donuts to horses.

Please. Proceed.

Mr. Cedar's right. Those things do look kind of bad, don't they?

But to tell you the truth, Your Honor, I don't remember them.

I guess they happened, all right, because I don't think

a policeman would lie about a thing like that,

but I was drunk.

It was the first time I was ever drunk in my life.

It's probably happened to you some time.

I mean-- I mean, when you were younger, of course.

It's likely to happen to anybody.

Just the other morning, I read in the paper about Mr. Cedar's own son,

about how he got drunk and insisted on driving a taxicab

while the driver sat inside.

Isn't that so, Mr. Cedar?

Isn't that so, Mr. Cedar?

- Your Honor, I object. - Proceed.

Now, uh...

Now, about the Faulkner sisters.

That's kind of funny.

I mean, about Mr. Cedar going all the way to Mandrake Falls to bring them here.

- Do you mind if I talk to them? - Not at all.

Jane, who owns the house you live in?

- Why, you own it, Longfellow. - Yes, you own it.

- Do you pay any rent? - No, we don't pay any rent.

Good heavens, no.

- We never pay rent. - Are you happy there?

- Oh, yes. - Yes, indeed.

Hm. Now, uh, Jane, a little while ago, you said I was pixilated.

Do you still think so?

Why, you've always been pixilated, Longfellow.

- Always. - That's fine.

Hm. I guess maybe I am.

But now, tell me something, Jane.

Who else in Mandrake Falls is pixilated?

Why, everybody in Mandrake Falls is pixilated except us.

Now just one more question.

You see the judge here. He's a nice man, isn't he?

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

- Do you think he's pixilated? - Oh, yes.

Yes, indeed.

Mr. Deeds, you haven't yet touched upon the most important point.

This rather fantastic idea of yours to want to give away your entire fortune is,

to say the least, most uncommon.

Oh, yes. Yes, I was getting to that, Your Honor.

Suppose you were living in a small town and getting along fine,

and suddenly somebody dropped $20 million in your lap.

Supposing you discovered that all that money was messing up your life,

was bringing a lot of vultures around your neck

and making you lose faith in everybody.

You'd be a little worried, wouldn't you?

You'd feel that you had a hot potato in your hand, and you'd want to drop it.

I guess Dr. Von Holler here would say you were riding on those bottom waves

because you wanted to drop something that was burning your fingers.

If this man is permitted to carry out his plan, repercussions will be felt

that will rock the foundation of our entire governmental system.

Please, Mr. Cedar. Proceed.

Personally, I don't know what Mr. Cedar is raving about.

From what I can see, no matter what system of government we have,

there'll always be leaders and always be followers.

It's like the road out in front of my house. It's on a steep hill.

Every day, I watch the cars climbing up.

Some go lickety-split up that hill on high, some have to shift into second.

And some sputter and shake and slip back to the bottom again.

Same cars, same gasoline, yet some make it and some don't.

And I say the fellows who can make the hill on high

should stop once in a while and help those who can't.

That's all I'm trying to do with this money,

help the fellows who can't make the hill on high.

What does Mr. Cedar expect me to do with it?

Give it to him and a lot of other people who don't need it?

If you don't mind, Your Honor, I'll ride on those top waves for a minute.

Hey, all you fellows up there, all those who applied for a farm, stand up.

See all those fellows? They're the ones I'm trying to help.

They need it. Mr. Cedar and that Mr. Semple don't need anything.

They've got plenty.

It's like I'm out in a big boat, and I see one fellow in a rowboat

who's tired of rowing and wants a free ride and another fellow who's drowning.

Who would you expect me to rescue? Mr. Cedar,

who is just tired of rowing and wants a free ride,

or those men out there who are drowning?

Any ten-year-old child will give you the answer to that.

All right, fellas. Thank you. Sit down.

Now, my plan was very simple.

I was gonna give each family 10 acres, a horse, a cow and some seed,

and if they work the farm for three years, it's theirs.

Now, if that's crazy, maybe I ought to be sent to an institution,

but I don't think it is, and what's more, Mr. Cedar doesn't either.

Just before the hearing started,

he offered to call the whole thing off if I made a settlement with him.

So, you see, he wouldn't think I was crazy if he got paid off.

It's a lie! Mr. Deeds is drawing on his warped imagination!

I never heard anything so colossally stupid in my life!

It's an insult to our intelligence to sit here and listen to such childish ravings!

- You will please permit Mr. Deeds to finish. - But, Your Honor--

Cedar!

- Anything else, Mr. Deeds? - No.

Yes. There is just one more thing I'd like to get off my chest before I finish.

- Proceed. - Thank you, Your Honor.

Order! Order!

Get this man back to his chair!

Get those men up, bailiff, quick!

Order!

Remain seated and come to order. The court is again in session.

Before the court announces its decision,

I want to warn all who are here that the police have orders

to arrest anyone creating a disturbance.

Mr. Deeds, there has been a great deal of damaging testimony against you.

Your behavior, to say the least, has been most strange.

But in the opinion of the court, you are not only sane,

but you are the sanest man that ever walked into this courtroom.

Case dismissed.

You nose-twitcher.

I knew it. I knew it. You-- You...

- He's still pixilated. - He sure is.