Original subtitles

Mr. President, they're ready for you.

Uh, Dear, I've figured out a way to balance the national budget

and end world hunger.

These are great.

Honk Honk! [ Laughs ]

Now, move along.

I have man-business to attend to.

Computerized Voice: Man detected.

We found what you were looking for, Mr. President.

Good, because the fate of our country depends on it.

Now, here's what I want you to do --

[ Beeping ]

Hello?

Sheriff: Hey, Prez, I got a situation.

So, I want to eat this sandwich, right,

but also save some for later. What should I do?

Ugh. Just cut it in half!

You heard him, boys. Cut it in half.

Wait. No!

Man: ♪ Run around town

♪ Stealin' and killin' is how I get down ♪Sheriff: What?

♪ Well, you better be aware of somethin' ♪

♪ 'Cause Momma named me Sheriff ♪

♪ Momma ♪ Now you got it

♪ Momma ♪ And don't forget it

Oh, no. I'd better go. [ Laughs ]

♪ M-O-M-M-A named me

♪ Momma named me Sheriff

♪ My momma named me Sheriff ♪

See? I told you he'd eat the other half.

Yo! Why y'all just sittin' around?

It's time to get Sheriff re-elected.

What? I love election day!

Oh, I don't care for all that political mumbo-jumbo.

Too much taking sides. Hmph.

No need to take sides. Nobody ever runs against me.

Really? Never?

Nope. It's not like there's anybody better for the job.

Say, Dispatch. Yeah?

You want to be my hype man for my victory speech?

For real?

Yeah, give it up for my boy, Sheriff!

Hey! I've been everywhereiff!

Yeah-yeah.

And as Sheriff, if I find out you had a cool party,

and didn't invite me, I will shoot you in the face!

Yeaaah! Blup, blup, blup!

That means you, Tommy!

[ Crowd gasps ]

Oh, I'm just joking, folks.

But as Sheriff, I promise to just keep doing my usual...

Usual!...catching crimers

Crimers!...eating chips...

-Chips. -...and making people laugh.

[ Laughs ] Yo!

So, I won't change a thing.

Nothing!Why would I?

I mean, no man will run against me, so...

Well, what about a woman?

Huh.Oh! Shots fired!

Uh, honey, what are you doing?

A woman sheriff? That's kind of funny.

Really? Are you saying sexism is funny?

What? No! No, I wasn't saying -- I didn't --

Uh... what is the question?

Womens can be Sheriffs just as good as mans!

Boo that Sheriff!

[ All booing ]

But Sheriff is my name, so, I get to be Sheriff forever.

Right? -No.

'Cause now, I'm running for sheriff.

I propose that Sheriff and I have a debate.

Tonight. Six O'clock, sharp.

Oh, man.

Looks like we've got a lot of work to do, Goodman.

Goodman? -I think he's pretending to be dead, yo.

"Mrs. Goodman for She-riff"?

Hey, why are all y'all wearing Mrs. Goodman's shirts, huh?

Oh, I love women, Sheriff --

in a non-sexual, only respectful of our equals kind of way.

Okay. Well, uh, I was just gonna go staple up

these really cool posters right over here.

Whoa!

Hey, Sheriff.

Let me help you with that.

[ Laughter ]

Dispatch: Damn!

Ooh, she made you look like a tickle-kins.

A what?You know, a namby-pamby.

What? I'm not a namby-pamby.

Am I?

Well, you are stapled to a wall...

See you at the debate, boys.

Oh she got you, Sheriff.

Aw. I wish there was a way to show everybody

I'm not a namby-pamby.

Yo, I can use my Chit Chat Live to hype you out with that.

What's up all my millions of followers?

It's my boy, Sheriff,

here to show you he ain't no namby-pamby.

Yeah! 'Cause would a namby-pamby do this?

That's power!

Shut up, namby-pamby!

Ow! [ Cries ]

Oh, come on, Sheriff.

Hey, y'all. It's me again.

Him again!

Do you think a namby-pamby would use his bare hands

to eat scalding hot soup?

Hot soup!

Get your hands off my soup, you namby-pamby!

Hey. Me again.

Him again. Again.

Would a namby-pamby hike deep into Old Town's

dangerous rainforest...Rainforest.

...just to tell you he's not a namby-pamby?

No. So, vote Sheriff for --

Monkey!Monkey!

Sheriff, careful with my phone, yo!

Aw, damn!

Man: What a namby-pamby!

Mr. President, you've got to see this idiot.

Sheriff?

Johnson, wipe me.

Alright. I found my phone, yo.

Damn! These comments are savage!

"Burn in namby-pamby hell."

"Momma should've flushed your namby-pamby ass

down the toilet."What?

Damn. Carl left you, like, a hundred of these.

[ Monkey chatters ]

What? What is it, monkey.

I can't understand you.

Namby-pamby!

Aw. Everybody thinks I'm a namby-pamby --

Carl, the monkey, the President.

Oh, what? The President?

You're not a namby-pamby. You're an American hero.

I am? He am?

I saw your video, Sheriff.

Really?Yeah!

And you may have preserved America

as the most powerful country in the world --

if we can harness the massive potential within that amber.

What's amber?

Is that how they make ambergurs?

We got it, Mr. President.

And it's huge!

Yes! And don't cut it in half this time.

What is it you found in there?

Uh, shouldn't you get back to, uh work?

There's no way I'm gonna win re- election tonight.

But now, we can hang out all the time.

Uh...What if I help you win this election, huh?

Really?

Thank you all for the support.

Except for the man in front.

I guess Sheriff's a no-show,

so, let's go ahead and vote for Mrs. Goodman --

Yo, what's up, everybody!

Make some noise!

It's your boy, Sheriff!Yo, give it up!

Just hanging with my boy, the Presi-der-if!

The prez, yo!

Up in United States of Ameri-care-if!

Ameri-care-if!

Yo, put her there, Carl! What's up?

Wow. The President.

Who's a namby-pamby, now, Tommy?

Not you, Sheriff!

This Old Town debate is about to pop off, yo!

It's going down!It's going down!

Old Town! Election! Debate!

Hello, Old Town.

Just stopping by to endorse Sheriff.

He's the man for the job.

-I'm voting for Sheriff now! -Yessaroo!

I mean, if the president says so.

Thanks, Prez.

You think I'm gonna win now?

Of course!

Politics is just one big dick-measuring contest.

Now, just go up, and show everybody

who's got the biggest dick.

Thanks, Prez.

Our first question comes from Linda.

This oughta be easy.

Statistically, one in 4.6 women experience sexual harassment

in the workplace.

By proxy, how do you intend

to make the workplace safe for all employees?

Uh...

Thank you, Linda. I have a plan --

Yeah, yeah.

I'll show you why I'm better for the job.

[ All gasp ]Oh, no.

Shame on you, you pervert!

Welp, all in favor of Mrs. Goodman, say "aye."

[ Crowd shouts "aye" ]

I now pronounce you... Sheriff and New Sheriff.

Get off the stage, Sheriff.

But Prez told me to -- Dispatch, help.

Sorry, yo. I don't hype toxic masculinity.

Now, you're under arrest for indecent exposure.

No!

President!

President? Prez?

Is anybody home?

[ Man Laughing ]Man: Oh, luck o' the Irish!

Computerized Voice: Man detected.

Man: And next to unveil...

Russia!

Huh?

[ Chanting "Russia!" ]

President, I need your help.

Sheriff, quiet! It's almost our turn.

But I lost the election, and --

Man: Next to unveil...

Finland.

Seems USA's reign of power is soon over.

Oh, we'll see about that.

President --Quiet already.

Mrs. Goodman is coming to arrest me, and --

Man: And last to unveil...

-Wait. No. -Shut up.

Man: USA!

No! I won't shut up.

You caused me to lose!

And now Mrs. Goodman is --

Ewww!

What is that smell?

Don't get too close to those, Sheriff!

We don't know what kind of STDs

were around millions of years ago.

ST what are all these things?

They're ancient dinosaur penises.

What?

You see, every year, we hold a secret summit

where nations' pecking order is determined

by who possesses the largest prehistoric penis.

Like I said, politics is literally

a dick-measuring contest.

-Really? -Now, who's got the biggest?

Man: And the winner -- again -- USA!

[ Chanting "USA!" ]

Hey!

I thought politics was about who was better for the job,

not some stupid dinosaur penises.

[ Laughter ]

You sound like a woman.

Honk, honk!

Now, let me grab that sweet woman ass of yours, Sheriff!

Hey! Stop that!

Oh, lighten up. It's funny.

No, it's not.

Sexism isn't funny.

You're damn right it's not.

How did she get in here without a penis?

Ow. Ow.

Now, Sheriff, you want to roast these weenies?

You bet my sweet woman ass I do.

Man: No! Don't do it!

Oh, no, don't shoot our penises!

Ugh! My eye!

Our power system is ruined!

-Our precious manhood! -I feel so vulnerable!

Men. What a bunch of namby-pambys.

That was awesome, man -- I mean wo-man!

Yo, what the hell happened to him?

Oh, he got an STD from a dinosaur wee-wee.

[ Laughs ]

He looks like he got Hepatitis BC!

[ Laughter ]

All jokes aside, you're gonna be a great sheriff.

Here's my hat, my badge, my undies.

Actually, I was offered a better job, so I quit.

-Huh? -What?

Have fun with cold-a-saurus rex!

What? No. Don't leave me with him.

Man, yo!

Alright. What are the boys up to now?

The penisaurs -- they brought them back to life,

and now, they're taking over the world.

Sheriff: ♪ M-O-M-M-A named me

♪ Momma named me Sheriff

♪ Momma named me Sheriff

♪ My m-m-m-momma, momma, momma named m-me Sheriff ♪

♪ Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma named me Sheriff ♪

♪ Momma

She named me Sheriff.

I will hide it.

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