Original subtitles

Ah, and now, what all plants need to grow --

a little smooth jazz.

♪♪

-[ Breathing heavily ] -Aah! Whoa!

You kittens ready for some milkies?

Okay, now everybody gets a turn.

Dorothy, don't be greedy now.

-Ha! -[ Groaning ]

Floyd: Okay, children, gather 'round.

Come now.

♪ Ohh, don't forget your friendly face ♪

♪ Everybody has a friendly face ♪

[ Thunder crashes ]Aah!

Children, help.

Go get the sheriff.

Tell him what you sa-a-a-a-w!

[ Thunder crashes ]

-Mm-mnh-mm. -Mm-mnh-mm.

♪ Run around town

♪ Stealin' and killin' is how I get down ♪

What?

♪ Well, you better be aware of somethin' ♪

♪ 'Cause Momma named me Sheriff ♪

♪ Yeah, Momma, they got it ♪

♪ Momma, and don't forget it ♪

♪ Oh, no, I better go

♪ M-O-M-M-A named me

♪ Momma named me Sheriff

♪ My momma named me Sheriff

Alright, boys, three's a crowd. We got ourselves a crowdnapper.

What kind of leads we got? Hit me.

Hmm. None of these guys had any enemies.

Okay. What do they have in common?

Uh, I know. They're all good guys.

Hm. They are a bunch of good guys.

And if that's true, we know who's next.

Uh...Hank?

No. "Ooh, ooh. I know.

Is it you, Sheriff?"

Oh yeah, I guess I am kind of the main good guy.

Welp, might as well get packed up and ready,

because any second now you might turn around

and say -- -Taken.

Goodman just got taken. -Oh!

Hey, good-guy-napper, you got the wrong good guy!

I think they went this way.

Okay, Dispatch, as a non-good guy

you're obviously not in any danger,

so you go in first! -Hey!

Freeze, good-guy-napper.

Huh? -Huh?

Sheriff.Sheriff.Sheriff.Sheriff.

Relax, Sheriff. Everything's good.

Just having some tea with Bigfoot.

Somebody better start explaining, and fast.

Okay, born Vito Pizzarelli, I worked as a mob hit man

till I snitched on my crew, then got turned into a Bigfoot

by the Witness Protection Program

and I've been hiding in these woods ever since.

Yeah, so you see, no big deal.

But I'm ready to reenter society and do some good.

So I rounded up these good guys to help me out.

-Yeah. -Yep.

What makes them so good?

Well, Goodman here puts his spare change

in other people's parking meters.

Mr. B. is Old Town's top sperm donor,

Carl chews food for the elderly,

and Floyd incubates endangered sea-turtle eggs.

[ Laughs ]

-Aww. -Aww. Yeah, so, like,

I'd probably fit right in, then, right?

Eh, I think we're good on good guys.

-Yeah. -Yeah, I think we're all good.

Oh. Okay.

C-Come on, Dispatch.

I'll show these guys how good I can be --

[ Crunch ]Oh!

[ Gasps ] Oh, oh, that's horrible.

Maybe the guys didn't see.

Uh, I got to go.[ Crunching ]

Dispatch, how are you not stepping on these?

Just look where you're walking, fool.

Let me try rolling away.

[ Crunching ]Oh, damn.

[ Thunder crashes, indistinct conversations ]

Oh, look at these guys.

They can't be gooder than me.

[ Thunder crashes ]

Say, sweetheart, how long's your back been

all macaroni-ed like that?

Since I was born.

Aw.Aw. Aw.Aw.

Hey, Good Guys, lets do some good.

Good...Guys!Good...Guys!Good...Guys!

Whoa! Oh, my God. Thank you, Good Guys.

I say Bigfoot and the Good Guys sit at the head table tonight

at the Friendly Faces Gala.

Yeah, yeah, nice back, Candy.

But, anyway, Bigfoot, look.

I got you this welcome-back-to-society gift.

"Are we having fun, Yeti?!"

-Oh. -What's wrong?

It's like a white Bigfoot. -Yeah, that's racist.

Your face is racist, Carl.

Goodman, come here.

Go tell Bigfoot to add one more guys to the Good Guys.[ Sighs ]

[ Indistinct talking ]

Okay, Sheriff, looks like we've got one opening...

Oh, geez, yeah, I wonder who that's gonna be.

It's Dispatch.

-[ Laughs ] -What? Him?

No!

This is such crap!

I am a good guy.

"Of course you are, Sheriff."

Oh, Abigail. Didn't see you there.

"They're blind to your goodness.

You've got to open their eyes."

But how, Abigail?

Tell me.

"You just need to do something really good.

Something like save Bigfoot's life."

Is his life in danger?

"No.

But it could be."

[ Thunder crashes ]

♪ Good Guys, Good Guys [ Laughter ]

Bigfoot: Oh, look. It looks like me. Ho-ho!

-Looking good. -H-H-Hey!

[ Chuckles ] Hey, guys. It's me, Sheriff.

Oh, what's up, Sheriff?

Hey, uh, yeah, I'm sorry about earlier.

Forget about it.

Everybody's marinara boils over once in a while.

-Yeah. -No problem.

So I can be in the Good Guys now?

-No. -Oh.

Well, in that case, I just want to say, Bigfoot,

I'm glad to have met you.

That's my cue!

Die, Bigfoot.

I'll save you, Bigfoot. Hey, stop!

[ All grunt ]

-Huh? Aah! -We got him.

No, wait. I said I was gonna got him.

Who put you up to this?

The Gabagoolis? -No.

-The Garganellis? -No.

-The Ghiradellis? -It was Sheriff.

-No. -Uh-oh.

Sheriff, you're not a good guy at all.

I'm not?

You are a bad guy.

[ Crying ]

I'm not good.

You sure you won't come to the Gala, Sheriff?

You sure you won't shut your stupid face, Candy?

Think you're so great with your straight back

and your delicious name.

Sheriff, watch your tongue.

-Pbht! -[ Gasps ] Oh, my.

Oh, look at me.

Tonguing Momma now?

I am a bad guy.

This is all your fault Abigail.

[ Sighs ] "You're not bad, Sheriff."

Aah! "The Good Guys are."

They are? "Yes." Whoa!

"They're the reason you had Hank attack Bigfoot.

Maybe you're the only good guy."

I am? "Now say it."

[ Thunder crashes ]I'm the only good guy.

"You say it like you mean it."

I'm the only good guy!

"Now, you go to that gala and show everyone how bad they are."

Yes. I'll show them all.

[ Laughing ]

Alright, let's go.

Hey, how ya doing? Very nice to meet you.

It's a pleasure.

So, this is where we do all the Galas, Bigfoot.

[ Glass clinking ]

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for attending

the Friendly Faces Gala -- -Sweeeee!

Not so fast.

People of Old Town.

You are being deceived by those so-called Good Guys.

-Come on. -What are you doing?

-Sheriff. -Who's Sheriff?

I'm not Sheriff.

And more importantly, who are these Good Guys?

Take Mr. BoJenkins.

He says he cares about the environment,

but he throws away his condoms after just one use.

Sheriff, you can't reuse condoms.

I said I'm not Sheriff.

Oh, no, did I spoil the hoity-toity party

you fake good people threw yourselves?

Sheriff, the Friendly Faces Gala is a fundraiser

for faceless children born without faces.

-Hello. -Oh.

Well, aren't you quick to pat yourselves on the back

for your guys' "charity"?

This fat, greedy, thinks-it's-so-good pig statue

is all of you.

-No, don't do it. -[ Grunts, laughs ]

You moron.

That wasn't a statue, it was a giant piggy bank

filled with donations to buy those children new faces.

Oh, no. I am bad.

Thank goodness they can't see this.

-That Sheriff is evil. -No.

-Get that bad guy. -No-o-o-o-!

-Come on! Get him! -He's right up over here.

-Litterer. -I didn't mean to.

-Trespasser! -Sorry, I didn't see the sign.

[ Crunch ]Aah! Oh, no.

Turtle murderer.

Why are they still out here?

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Bigfoot, don't kill me.

I ain't gonna kill you.

Look, I been on the wrong side of a mob before.

You don't deserve to die.

Maybe I do.

I've been a really bad guy.

Taking responsibility is the first step,

so you're already on your way.

Thanks, Bigfoot.

Hey look, some aminals.

-Aah! -Uh, listen.

I haven't been straight up with ya.

The real reason I wanted to reenter society

was 'cause, you see, I did a little bada-bing-bada-boom

with some woodland creatures,

and their husbands ain't so happy about me knocking them up.

Oh.

Sorry I got you involved in this.

-Oh, it's all good. -Easy, fellas.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey! -Hey, Bigfoot?

Even though everyone hates me

and now you're being eaten by wild animals,

I just want to say, I'm still glad to have met you.

That's my cue!

Oh, no.

-They're over here! -Sheriff.

You put Hank up to killing all these innocent animals?

How could you? -Um, I guess I did...

because...

now we have enough cute animal faces

to donate to the faceless kids.

[ Cheers and laughter ]♪ Good Guys

Aw, look at those little guys.

You'd never guess they weren't born like that.

Aww.Aww. Aww.Aww.

Bigfoot, are you sure we can't convince you to stick around?

Nah. For now, my place is in the woods.

There's a bunch of grieving widows out there

in need of inter-species comfort.

Don't leave without your Yeti fanny pack.

-Aww. -But look what's inside.

-Condoms! -Condoms!

And, remember, you're only supposed to use those once.

A good guy taught me that.

Sheriff, you're the goodest.

Yes! Bigfoot said I'm the goodest!

Ha-ha!

And so, the good guys went on to do good forever.

The end.

Wait, I thought Abigail couldn't talk?

Yeah, and I felt they had unrealistic control

over their kites in that one part.

And, hey, where was that evil dog at,

what's his name, Mr. Pi--

Hey. If you don't like the story, write your own damn book.

Aw.Aw. Aw.Aw.

♪ M-O-M-M-A named me

♪ Momma named me Sheriff

♪ Momma named me Sheriff

♪ My mo-mo-mo-momma momma named me Sheriff ♪

♪ Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma named me Sheriff ♪

♪ Momma, she named me Sheriff

-Hi, Will. -Hi, Dave.

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