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1
00:00:16,351 --> 00:00:17,951
( wind whistling )
2
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:21,515
( guitar chord plays,
bird shrieks )
3
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,300
Maybe I missed the memo.
Is it casual Friday?
4
00:00:29,334 --> 00:00:31,504
I can't do it, Rich.
5
00:00:31,537 --> 00:00:34,067
Can't do what?
Find your luggage?
6
00:00:34,106 --> 00:00:38,136
It's over. With Marney.
7
00:00:38,177 --> 00:00:40,837
- It's official.
- Oh, shit.
8
00:00:40,878 --> 00:00:42,978
Keep it running, Boris.
9
00:00:45,016 --> 00:00:47,446
Tried to... keep us together.
10
00:00:47,484 --> 00:00:48,824
You know,
you never forget the day
11
00:00:48,852 --> 00:00:51,922
you're served
your first divorce papers.
12
00:00:51,955 --> 00:00:53,565
If it's any consolation,
13
00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:54,720
the next two times get easier.
14
00:00:54,758 --> 00:00:57,158
- That's no consolation.
- I know.
15
00:00:57,194 --> 00:00:58,664
It actually kinda
makes it worse.
16
00:00:58,694 --> 00:01:00,664
I know. Grab your gear.
We'll talk it out in the car.
17
00:01:00,696 --> 00:01:02,626
No. Not going.
18
00:01:02,665 --> 00:01:04,265
What do you mean
you're not going? Why?
19
00:01:04,299 --> 00:01:06,469
I'm-- I'm out.
I'm done with this whole thing.
20
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,771
The whole circuit.
I'm done.
21
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:08,902
What do you mean done
with the circuit?
22
00:01:08,937 --> 00:01:10,567
- Yeah. I am.
- Buddy, that's crazy talk.
23
00:01:10,605 --> 00:01:12,975
Is it, Rich? I'm an actor.
24
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:15,607
Like, I went to acting school
for acting.
25
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:19,952
You know? And I haven't
acted in five plus years.
26
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:22,010
Why? Because I do
fan conventions now.
27
00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:23,319
Oh, now I do that.
28
00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:24,779
I go to these things, I put on--
29
00:01:24,817 --> 00:01:26,417
I dress like an asshole.
30
00:01:26,452 --> 00:01:28,622
I sell outdated pictures of
myself.
31
00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:30,253
I dance around like a monkey.
32
00:01:30,288 --> 00:01:33,688
My career is over.
My dignity--
33
00:01:33,725 --> 00:01:36,865
I've got no dignity,
and now I've got no wife.
34
00:01:36,895 --> 00:01:41,265
Okay, TO. I hear you.
Marney's gone.
35
00:01:41,298 --> 00:01:42,828
And, yes, your career
is in the shitter.
36
00:01:42,867 --> 00:01:44,667
Okay, it's okay if I say it,
but, like, when you say it--
37
00:01:44,702 --> 00:01:46,302
But no dignity?
38
00:01:46,336 --> 00:01:50,406
Buddy, you played God
on network TV.
39
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,640
Until they killed me off!
40
00:01:52,675 --> 00:01:54,945
That's the other thing.
Like, who kills off God?
41
00:01:54,978 --> 00:01:56,878
How do-- why do you do that?
He's omnipresent.
42
00:01:56,912 --> 00:01:58,912
I'm sorry, your highness.
43
00:01:58,947 --> 00:02:00,847
Are you not enjoying your view
from the penthouse?
44
00:02:00,883 --> 00:02:02,223
I don't know--
what is this bit?
45
00:02:02,251 --> 00:02:04,151
You have a fan base.
46
00:02:04,186 --> 00:02:06,886
That fan base has gotten you
into fan conventions,
47
00:02:06,921 --> 00:02:10,091
and those conventions
allow a-holes like you and me
48
00:02:10,124 --> 00:02:11,494
to be treated like
the famous fuckers
49
00:02:11,525 --> 00:02:13,965
we should have been
13 weekends a year.
50
00:02:13,994 --> 00:02:16,804
That gives us 13 weekends
of fame fantasy camp
51
00:02:16,830 --> 00:02:17,860
where we get car service.
52
00:02:17,898 --> 00:02:19,498
That we have to share.
53
00:02:19,532 --> 00:02:21,102
- Okay. Airfare.
- Coach.
54
00:02:21,134 --> 00:02:25,204
Hotel bars littered
with women who love us.
55
00:02:25,237 --> 00:02:27,597
Who are dressed
like our characters.
56
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:28,640
Okay, nothing
makes you happy, does it?
57
00:02:28,673 --> 00:02:30,643
You're sad-sacking it right now.
58
00:02:30,675 --> 00:02:32,015
Yeah. No, you're moping.
59
00:02:32,043 --> 00:02:34,143
You're wallowing in it
just a bit.
60
00:02:34,179 --> 00:02:35,909
- Okay.
- Really?
61
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:36,907
- Yeah.
- You know what, buddy?
62
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,678
I'm calling your bluff.
63
00:02:38,715 --> 00:02:41,785
This whole mopey "I quit" act,
I'm not buying it.
64
00:02:41,819 --> 00:02:43,089
I bet you dollars to doughnuts
65
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,950
you are half-dressed
and ready to rock and roll.
66
00:02:44,988 --> 00:02:45,988
- Now, let's go.
- Just leave me alone.
67
00:02:46,023 --> 00:02:47,423
- Come on.
- Aah!
68
00:02:47,456 --> 00:02:48,456
- Oh!
- Rich!
69
00:02:48,491 --> 00:02:49,491
- Aah!
- Damn it!
70
00:02:49,525 --> 00:02:50,765
- Gah.
- Why would I be bluffing?
71
00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:52,063
Oh, that's burned in.
72
00:02:52,094 --> 00:02:55,604
Who wears the robe as a joke?
Asshole!
73
00:03:03,404 --> 00:03:06,014
♪ Looking for a sign
74
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,880
♪ Looking for a table
set for fun ♪
75
00:03:08,909 --> 00:03:11,709
♪ Set the alarm to exactly
half past none ♪
76
00:03:14,315 --> 00:03:17,325
♪ Just tell me
when it's time for you. ♪
77
00:03:18,517 --> 00:03:21,217
( plane flies overhead )
78
00:03:28,659 --> 00:03:32,029
- Have you guys seen my wig?
- It's right here.
79
00:03:32,063 --> 00:03:34,003
No, that's not my wig.
80
00:03:34,031 --> 00:03:36,701
- ( whistles )
- Oh, really?
81
00:03:36,733 --> 00:03:38,903
- What?
- That's my wig.
82
00:03:38,935 --> 00:03:40,845
Ah.
Thought it was a hand towel.
83
00:03:40,871 --> 00:03:42,641
Did it match the decor
of the bathroom?
84
00:03:42,672 --> 00:03:44,072
You know, I did think
it was an odd choice.
85
00:03:44,107 --> 00:03:46,767
I also wondered to myself,
"Why is this in the bathroom?"
86
00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:47,839
It's all wet.
87
00:03:47,877 --> 00:03:50,947
Wow. Okay.
Uh, what's your problem?
88
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,150
You know what my problem is?
89
00:03:52,181 --> 00:03:53,381
I'll tell you
what my problem is.
90
00:03:53,414 --> 00:03:56,884
I'm wearing
a powder blue tuxedo and a wig.
91
00:03:56,918 --> 00:03:59,318
Yeah, you are.
And you know what?
92
00:03:59,354 --> 00:04:01,654
You're wearing
the fuck out of it.
93
00:04:01,688 --> 00:04:06,428
Yeah. Put the headband on.
Put it on.
94
00:04:06,460 --> 00:04:09,730
Yeah. Broheim. Yes.
95
00:04:09,763 --> 00:04:11,603
I would tell you no
if it were no.
96
00:04:11,631 --> 00:04:13,531
It's yes.
You don't have a mirror.
97
00:04:13,566 --> 00:04:15,866
Let me be your mirror.
You fucking rock.
98
00:04:15,902 --> 00:04:19,072
All right, everybody,
let's do this.
99
00:04:19,105 --> 00:04:22,115
You actually have 15 minutes.
100
00:04:22,141 --> 00:04:24,941
All right, uh,
15-minute warning, guys.
101
00:04:24,976 --> 00:04:27,876
One-five. Oh. God.
102
00:04:27,913 --> 00:04:30,053
What am I gonna do
for 15 minutes?
103
00:04:30,081 --> 00:04:32,051
Let the wig
dry on your head.
104
00:04:32,082 --> 00:04:33,582
Form nicely.
105
00:04:33,617 --> 00:04:35,887
Don't call me "broheim."
Ever again.
106
00:04:38,621 --> 00:04:41,591
( cheering )
107
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,230
I can't hear you.
108
00:04:50,265 --> 00:04:53,675
( cheering )
109
00:04:54,969 --> 00:04:57,139
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
110
00:04:57,171 --> 00:05:00,671
Robbie!
111
00:05:00,708 --> 00:05:02,738
And then half the mortgage
is tax deductable,
112
00:05:02,776 --> 00:05:04,906
so you can't afford
not to buy.
113
00:05:04,945 --> 00:05:06,115
Where'd you buy your house?
114
00:05:06,146 --> 00:05:08,376
I don't know. Yet.
115
00:05:08,415 --> 00:05:11,525
Look great in that dress,
sweet cheeks.
116
00:05:11,550 --> 00:05:13,190
- Bye, Rob.
- Bye, Andre.
117
00:05:13,219 --> 00:05:15,149
Matthew. We are killing it
out there, huh?
118
00:05:15,187 --> 00:05:16,747
Yeah,
you're killing me, buddy.
119
00:05:16,789 --> 00:05:19,389
Listen, Robbie,
when I'm on stage and I'm killing it
120
00:05:19,425 --> 00:05:20,565
and I'm trying
to get a line out,
121
00:05:20,591 --> 00:05:22,191
if you could just shut
the fuck up
122
00:05:22,227 --> 00:05:24,897
and stop talking over
everything I say, man.
123
00:05:24,929 --> 00:05:26,559
Trying to build a brand.
Do you get it?
124
00:05:26,596 --> 00:05:28,296
I want--
I want trading cards.
125
00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:29,603
I want action figures.
Something.
126
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,933
So if you could just
shut the fuck up.
127
00:05:34,938 --> 00:05:36,368
Okay. You got it.
128
00:05:36,406 --> 00:05:39,566
See you back--
see you back out there.
129
00:05:39,608 --> 00:05:43,848
Matt: Whippany, New Jersey,
you people are animals!
130
00:05:43,879 --> 00:05:46,279
( cheers, applause )
131
00:05:51,953 --> 00:05:54,823
Hey, Matt.
Hey, Matt!
132
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,965
Matt:
Hey, hey, miss me?
133
00:05:56,991 --> 00:06:01,631
You wanna do karaoke
or see my abs?
134
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:02,731
( cheers, applause )
135
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:06,232
Let's do 'em both!
136
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:11,268
What a complete
cluster fuck.
137
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,704
What?
You were on fire up there.
138
00:06:13,739 --> 00:06:15,639
You're the king.
King of karaoke.
139
00:06:15,674 --> 00:06:20,214
No, more like
the village idiot of dorkville.
140
00:06:20,245 --> 00:06:21,885
How does Matt do it?
141
00:06:21,912 --> 00:06:24,582
Bicep?
Don't you mean triceps?
142
00:06:24,615 --> 00:06:26,225
( laughter )
143
00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:28,720
Makes it look so easy.
144
00:06:28,752 --> 00:06:31,892
And then DiCaprio asked me
what type of hair product I use.
145
00:06:31,921 --> 00:06:33,621
Now, that is respect.
146
00:06:33,656 --> 00:06:34,916
- He hates me.
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
147
00:06:34,958 --> 00:06:36,028
No, he hates me.
148
00:06:36,059 --> 00:06:38,589
Hide the knives.
Call the suicide hotline.
149
00:06:38,627 --> 00:06:39,587
We got a live one.
150
00:06:39,628 --> 00:06:40,928
I'm nothing but nice to him.
151
00:06:40,963 --> 00:06:42,333
- Yeah?
- Total dick to me.
152
00:06:42,364 --> 00:06:44,334
Yeah, that's 'cause he's a dick
to everybody.
153
00:06:44,366 --> 00:06:46,466
I was in Toronto
with that jackass.
154
00:06:46,502 --> 00:06:48,802
I saw him tear a volunteer
a new poop chute
155
00:06:48,836 --> 00:06:50,996
'cause she let his lunch
get cold.
156
00:06:51,039 --> 00:06:53,009
- Well, that is annoying.
- They were cold cuts.
157
00:06:53,041 --> 00:06:55,181
Matt: Hey, who do I have to fuck
to get a beer in here?
158
00:06:55,209 --> 00:06:56,879
- ( laughter )
- I just need to get a job.
159
00:06:56,910 --> 00:06:58,540
- You know what you need?
- What?
160
00:06:58,578 --> 00:07:00,708
Get your confidence back.
Boom. There, I said it.
161
00:07:00,746 --> 00:07:02,876
Confidence.
That's what Matt's got.
162
00:07:02,915 --> 00:07:05,855
Yes, plus youth, you know,
good looks, rock-hard abs.
163
00:07:05,885 --> 00:07:07,655
You have a boner,
and it's annoying.
164
00:07:07,686 --> 00:07:08,846
You're an asshole.
165
00:07:08,888 --> 00:07:10,088
Listen, I'm trying to make
a serious point.
166
00:07:10,122 --> 00:07:11,892
You and I happen
to be sitting in the middle
167
00:07:11,923 --> 00:07:14,793
of a confidence-building
seminar right now.
168
00:07:14,826 --> 00:07:18,326
And guess what?
We're the keynote speakers.
169
00:07:18,363 --> 00:07:20,603
These people pay top dollar
to be in this hotel
170
00:07:20,631 --> 00:07:22,001
to see you.
171
00:07:22,032 --> 00:07:25,632
No. No. They pay top dollar
to see Justin and Jaden.
172
00:07:25,668 --> 00:07:27,868
That may be so, but those guys
aren't lurking around
173
00:07:27,904 --> 00:07:29,244
the hotel lobby bar,
now are they?
174
00:07:29,273 --> 00:07:31,313
No, they're at a suite
in some other hotel.
175
00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:32,710
I don't give a flying fuck.
176
00:07:32,742 --> 00:07:37,752
I know you and I are here.
Gathering up rocks.
177
00:07:37,779 --> 00:07:39,809
For what?
What are we gathering rocks for?
178
00:07:39,848 --> 00:07:41,648
- Just go with me.
- Okay, okay, okay.
179
00:07:41,683 --> 00:07:42,753
Yeah, I'll give you this.
180
00:07:42,784 --> 00:07:45,354
There are some pretty ladies
in here.
181
00:07:45,387 --> 00:07:47,557
Oh, you brought your penis?
That's cool.
182
00:07:47,588 --> 00:07:49,258
There's some shorties
up in this mofo.
183
00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:51,190
All right,
let's settle down, Eminem.
184
00:07:51,225 --> 00:07:53,665
- Oh, look at 12:40.
- What?
185
00:07:53,693 --> 00:07:56,403
- Shh. 12:40.
- Oh, fuck.
186
00:07:56,430 --> 00:07:57,730
That's almost, uh, last call.
187
00:07:57,764 --> 00:07:59,504
Excuse me.
Yo, ma'am, uh, dos mas?
188
00:07:59,532 --> 00:08:01,432
- Hey.
- Gracias. What?
189
00:08:01,468 --> 00:08:04,768
12:40.
A good-looking woman at 12:40.
190
00:08:04,803 --> 00:08:06,103
Other-- your other 12:40.
191
00:08:06,138 --> 00:08:08,138
Christ, you're dim.
That's 12:55.
192
00:08:08,173 --> 00:08:09,313
That's, like,
15 minutes ahead.
193
00:08:09,341 --> 00:08:10,611
What noon
are you talking about?
194
00:08:10,641 --> 00:08:11,741
Straight ahead.
195
00:08:11,776 --> 00:08:13,136
We're facing
different directions.
196
00:08:13,177 --> 00:08:15,107
Ahead of me. Ahead of me.
Straight ahead of me.
197
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:17,876
Jesus Christ.
198
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,385
- Right?
- Oh.
199
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:20,677
All right, okay, that's it.
200
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:21,717
- Turn around.
- Why?
201
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,021
She'll see you.
Turn around.
202
00:08:23,053 --> 00:08:24,223
Isn't that the point?
She sees me.
203
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,754
She's filming me
with her phone.
204
00:08:25,788 --> 00:08:26,818
- Hi.
- Women: Hi.
205
00:08:26,856 --> 00:08:27,986
Wow.
Wow, check out her friend.
206
00:08:28,023 --> 00:08:31,563
Her friend is cosplaying
your character.
207
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:32,665
- Wow.
- Yeah.
208
00:08:32,695 --> 00:08:33,835
Nicely done with the beard.
209
00:08:33,863 --> 00:08:35,403
Yeah, she really got
all your gray right.
210
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,231
You gotta admire
that level of detail.
211
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:38,926
Just wait, just wait.
212
00:08:38,967 --> 00:08:41,597
What? Listen,
those aren't just fans.
213
00:08:41,635 --> 00:08:43,675
Those are super fans.
214
00:08:43,704 --> 00:08:45,004
You wanna build confidence?
215
00:08:45,038 --> 00:08:47,468
Confidence is sitting
over there at that four top
216
00:08:47,509 --> 00:08:49,639
dressed as you.
217
00:08:49,676 --> 00:08:51,106
- Hi, girls.
- Hi!
218
00:08:51,145 --> 00:08:52,555
You guys enjoying
the con so far?
219
00:08:52,579 --> 00:08:54,249
- ( women laugh, cheer )
- Oh, I love the enthusiasm.
220
00:08:54,281 --> 00:08:55,351
Son of a bitch.
221
00:08:55,382 --> 00:08:56,522
Sure you recognize
my buddy over there.
222
00:08:56,550 --> 00:08:57,720
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah!
223
00:08:57,750 --> 00:09:00,050
That's right.
There's God at the bar.
224
00:09:00,086 --> 00:09:01,086
Let's get him over here.
225
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,720
( girls laugh )
226
00:09:04,189 --> 00:09:06,219
- Oh, my God.
- Ladies.
227
00:09:06,258 --> 00:09:07,588
- Shh.
- Mind if I join you?
228
00:09:07,626 --> 00:09:09,526
Oh, we're doing shots.
229
00:09:09,561 --> 00:09:11,261
- Yes!
- Yeah, we are.
230
00:09:11,296 --> 00:09:13,856
( laughter echoes )
231
00:09:19,869 --> 00:09:22,569
( plane flies overhead )
232
00:09:33,348 --> 00:09:37,448
( murmurs )
233
00:09:37,486 --> 00:09:39,616
Oh.
234
00:09:44,891 --> 00:09:47,761
( moans )
God.
235
00:09:51,697 --> 00:09:52,757
The fuck?
236
00:09:52,807 --> 00:09:57,357
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