All language subtitles for Devils.Five.2021.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Copy, we have a visual.

This guy is flying, the
MW Unit Six in sight.

Where's my roadblock?

He's
not fucking stopping.

If you
have to apprehend suspect.

Driver, take
the keys out of the ignition

and put both of your hands
out the driver's side window.

Slowly exit the vehicle.

- Drop the weapon!
- Okay, I'm putting it down,

don't shoot me.

Clear,
clear, anyone else in the car?

Just me.

What's in your trunk?

- Don't let it out!
- Don't fucking move.

Oh shit, there's
someone back there.

You don't
know what you've done.

Shut up.

- Did you hear that?
- Hear what?

She said something.

I've been
standing here the whole time,

- I haven't heard anything.
- Get her away from me.

Hey man,
take it easy, what's wrong?

Please God, no!

Dispatch,
Ambulance Six.

I'm here at the scene, all
these people were left behind.

10
four, help is on the way.

Why in God's name did you
kill those four officers?

I already told
you it wasn't me.

The only thing
I can't figure out

is how you managed
to pull it off.

Your vehicles have cameras,
take a look at the footage.

Your officer did it.

Why would he do that?

It's the woman, she's
not what you think.

You mean the one you
locked in the trunk?

What were you gonna do to her?

So, what's in the bag?

The beginning of the end.

That's it?

- What are these for?
- You'd never believe me.

I wouldn't have.

- Try me.
- I've said enough.

I want everything you can
find out that guy, ASAP.

I'm on it.

Die Apokalypse naht.

Do you wanna say anything
else before we proceed?

Rette uns alle.

Have it your way.

So, what is this
story with this place?

Built in the late 1800s,
sits on 360 acres of land.

There's over 100 buildings
on this property.

It was designed to be
a self-contained town.

That's pretty cool.

It was a state run
psychiatric hospital.

They closed the doors
nearly 30 years ago.

Like asylums all
around the country,

invasive techniques like
prefrontal lobotomies

and electric shock therapy,

they performed it here.

People were
abused on this land.

Then why do you wanna shoot
at this location then?

I've shot here
many times before.

It always makes for a
very interesting backdrop.

I agree.

- Anything to worry about?
- Besides the caving ceilings

and probably peeling lead paint,

I don't see how it
could really hurt us.

Are you sure that
it's a good idea then?

Billy, I think we're gonna get

some really great stuff here.

As long as we would
watch our step inside,

there should be no problems.

My friend told me that
this place is haunted.

Supposedly some urban
explorers reported activity

of some devil worshipers.

But what abandoned place hasn't?

And like I said on the phone,

I'm paying double
my normal rate.

My agent says I need more
location shots in my portfolio.

And plus, I've been fascinated
by places like this.

Yeah, I'll give it a shot.

Cool, listen, bats, rats,
and all sorts of insects

probably call this place home,

but none of them are
gonna pose a threat to us.

And the area that we're
going to is so remote

that no one's gonna bother us.

Hey, how are we
going to be here?

A couple of hours.

It wouldn't be a good idea
to be here after dark.

Oh, why not?

There's no light.

And it would be very
dangerous getting around

when the sun goes down.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, I think so.

Hey, hold on.

Mask, flashlight, come on.

Watch your head.

You don't need your
mask yet, come on.

I guess we're not the
only ones here today.

Does that concern you?

No, this place gets
all sorts of visitors.

Let's go.

Well, let's shoot in
here, I love to light.

Okay, so where would
you want me to be?

First, take that.

Put your stuff down on
it and go over there,

- let's shoot over there.
- Of course.

All right.

- Are you excited?
- Oh, yeah.

Good, yeah,

it's gonna be awesome.

Let's switch rooms.

How about a different outfit?

Okay, I have a
pretty white dress.

It's right behind
you, please bring it.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

Please help me out
of this, the bottom.

- Thank you.
- Good, okay.

- Steve, turn around.
- What's wrong?

- I just saw someone.
- Who?

I don't know, someone
dressed in dark clothes.

I don't see anybody.

He went
around that corner.

Steve, be careful.

Hello, can I help you?

Steve?

Are you okay?

Steve?

Oh my God.

Get out of here,
run, run!

Get off me.

911,
what's your emergency?

My name is Billy, Billie
Winters, we need help.

We are at the old psychiatric
hospital off North Zero.

What's the problem?

There are people here
who killed my friend.

And they're now
trying to attack me.

I need you

to please remain calm.

Can you please tell me
what building you're in?

Hello?

Are you still there, Ma'am?

Ma'am, hello?

Okay, we're dispatching
officers to the scene.

Please, try and find
a safe place to hide.

No, no, no,
no, get away.

That was quite a show.

I'm a little
disappointed though.

I was expecting more than
just a pirated B-movie.

It's real.

It looks like it's
gonna be a long night.

- What's wrong?
- The engine just died.

We've gotta get this
woman to the hospital.

Now the radio's not working.

How far are we from
any kind of help?

- Probably a good 10 miles.
- We can't just sit here

and let her die, I'm
calling for help.

You feel it, don't you?

Yeah, you're
giving me a headache.

Trust me, you don't
wanna watch those.

Give me a break.

By "The Seraphinian
Necronomicon",

I say these words so
that you will rise again.

I say these words so that,
Satan, you will live through me.

Don't
say these words, Ritchie!

- What the fuck?
- Say you love Satan.

Long Island
officials point to new evidence

of the drug related
murder of a teenage boy

who allegedly was a
member of a satanic cult.

His eyes were removed
in what police described

as a ritualistic killing.

Hello again, this
is Mike Campbell

with the Nightmares
and Dreams Video Blog,

the blog dedicated to
the search for truth

within the realms of the
paranormal, supernatural

and the unexplained phenomenon.

Today, I will tell you
about the true story

I actually forgot even happened.

It's been the cause of my
nightmares for the past 30 years.

It's laid buried deep
within my psyche.

But I have an obligation to
tell the world the truth,

because it came back.

I found the book, the book
I thought we destroyed,

the book that summonses
the Devil himself.

Mom, what are you doing?

I'm filming my blog here!

I'm vacuuming, I'm
vacuuming, I'm sorry.

I'm totally serious
folks, I really found it,

"The Book of the Dead", "The
Seraphinian Necronomicon".

Never utter these words lest
ye summon the Devil himself.

I have all the footage,
everything, I'm gonna play it now.

If you're faint of heart,
please turn this off.

The police don't even
have this footage.

And this is what really happened
in the woods back in 1984.

And that camera was
never found until now.

To tell you the truth, I
don't even know how I have it.

I just woke up and right
next to my bed was this book.

And then, all the memories
came flooding back to me.

It was, I had somehow
forgotten them,

but now I know why I am who I
am, why I studied the occult,

why I have these dreams,

why I can't sleep for more
than three hours a night,

and why I feel like I'm being
pulled into another dimension.

He's been trying to come back.

Satan's been whispering in
my ear for the past 30 years.

Now, I'll show you
if you dare watch the story,

the murders in Aztakea woods

in Northport, 1984, Long Island.

This is completely unedited.

I don't know why I'm
fucking showing this.

Going into the woods but, and.

Dude, you
know where it was.

No, I have
no idea where it is.

That's good.

All right, this is real good.

Of course she is, you
have to go and stop it.

- It's gonna be awful.
- You better come with me.

Hey, you guys
wanna be in my movie?

- Ew.
- Ew, no.

Michael Campbell,
please do not film people

without their permission!

Mike, where the fuck
did you get that camera?

It's for Mrs.
Rose's art project.

It's supposed to be room loops

or just like video of your room.

But my mom won't let
me shoot our house.

Why not?

I don't know,
something about the bunch

of recent robbery,
she's totally paranoid.

Right, this fucking kid,

please don't mention anything
else about Black Sabbath.

Come on, man,
you know Sabbath.

Please try for
the rest of the day,

just try not to
mention one thing...

Sabbath rules, man,
you know no guitars

- is heavier than Tony Iommi.
- Except Buck Dharma.

And don't forget
Eddie van Halen.

Guys, guys,
what's this like fucking

like tree house like fucking
birdhouse doing in the woods?

Oh, shit.

Hey look,
Ritch, it's about the size

of your girlfriend's cunt.

Yeah, it's
'cause my cock is so huge.

Shit, shit.

What a bunch
of fucking pussies.

Neat camera, where'd
you steal it from?

It's Mrs. Rose, so
you better not fuck with it.

It's Mrs. Rose, so you better
not fuck with it.

Who give a f...

Actually, Mrs. Rose
is pretty cool.

So, what are you
guys, like a gang?

No, we're a cult, The
Knights of the Black Circle.

I see.

We're fucking Satanists, man.

And if you tell anyone,
we'll fucking kill you.

Don't tell anyone,

doesn't Einstein realize
we're filming this shit?

Hey, you guys
wanna see something?

You wanna see the
power of Satan?

Yeah, let's
see the power of Satan.

But first.

Oh, thank God.

I need my medicine.

You gonna share that?

- Maybe.
- Give me that shit, fuck it.

- I guess we are.
- You fucking idiot.

- I'm sorry.
- The fuck's wrong with you?

A lot of things, I guess.

Where did you get
that jacket, Dafans?

You're
a jokester, huh?

The fuck you think's funny?

Dafans, the jacket.

There's
nothing around, dude.

Are you guys
gonna inhale that weed

or are you just gonna waste it?

You guys think you guys
are real jokesters, huh?

You wanna see something funny?

Fucking follow me, this way.

Don't get
to close to that, man.

You can summon Satan
with that shit.

You think that's funny, queer?

Sounds like bullshit.

You have to sacrifice...

Shut the fuck up, Terry.

What are you
guys doing with that cat?

Yeah, you
better not hurt it.

Whoa, whoa, all
right, relax, okay?

It's my sister's cat, I just
gotta watch it for the weekend.

So, you don't mind
if we tape everyone, do you?

Go right ahead,
what do I care?

We'll be on the other
side soon, anyways.

The fourth dimension, man.

Oh my God,
this kid's been at it.

No, no, no, I heard
Aleister Crowley used to talk

about the fourth dimension,
Satan rules over it.

- Mr. Crowley.
- Mr. Crowley!

- You've been reading too many...
- No, no, no, no.

Your friend here
nailed it, okay?

The Thelmians knew about it.

That's the religion
Crowley started,

but it goes back
farther, though,

to like the ancient
Egyptians and shit.

Then Anton LaVey came
along, he knew about majik.

That's M-A-J-I-K,
it's conjuring.

You can talk to Satan,
and he's alive and well.

It's in the fucking
Bible, all right?

He's supposed to be
free after 1,000 years.

All right, so,
how do you summon Satan?

Ugh, I don't
feel so good, tell him.

Well, I've been researching,

and there's all kinds of
rituals you have to follow,

but until I find a book
with a certain chant,

I can't do it, and I've tried
a million different ways.

Wait, what book?

'Cause my uncle owns a
bookstore up in Main.

He specializes in those weird
like hard to find books.

He could get any book on loan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, his
books are always mint, man.

Needless Things, right?

Uh.

The book's been translated
into different languages.

But the text, now the
text is in a language

that no one can decipher.

So, most experts
think it's bullshit.

It has some kickass
drawings in it, though.

I've seen pictures in
another book about it.

People mangled with machinery,

animals with wheels implanted
into 'em, and crazy shit.

Supposedly, the guy who
wrote it was in a trance.

And he entered Satan's kingdom
in the fourth dimension

and he came back with the words,

with the words the allow
the Devil to come back here.

- The book is called...
- Hits, hits!

Oh, shit, cops, go, go, go.

God damned kids!

Mike, can we see any part
of your video project yet?

I'm filming
it right now.

What's up with you two,
you look fucked up?

We're on acid, Ritchie
got it from Jimmy.

- I'm so sure.
- No, really.

We're tripping our faces
off, dude.

You look like a fucking
replica from "Blade Runner".

No, no, he looks
more like a scanner.

Run, his head's gonna
explode!

Wait, I have a joke.

You are a joke, man.

Wait, no, no, listen, listen.

All right, so this guy
joins the Army, right?

And after the first week, he
realizes he's in this big...

What the fuck do you call 'em?

Barracks, all right,
he's in this big,

he's in this big barracks,

sharing a room with
like 100 other guys.

And he's really horny,

but he can't whack
off because, you know,

all the other guys are
around and stuff, you know?

So, he goes to the sergeant,

and he's like, "Sarge,
I got a problem.

"I'm really horny, but I got
nowhere to take care of it,

"if you know what I mean."

And the sergeant's like, "Yeah,
yeah, I know what you mean.

"I know exactly what
you're talking about.

"We got just the
thing for that."

So, he brings him around
the corner of the tent

to this big barrel with the
little hole in the side.

And he's like, "Go ahead,
stick your pecker in there."

In the barrel?

Yeah, in the barrel.

So he puts his thing inside
the barrel and he's just like,

"Oh, God,"
he's like, "Holy shit.

"Oh my God, this is
fucking awesome."

And he's like, "Sarge,"
he says to him,

"you can use it
anytime you want.

"Except on Tuesdays."

So the guy's like, "Why,
what happens on Tuesdays?"

And so, the Sarge goes, "That's
your day inside the barrel."

You get it?

I didn't think so.

That's good, that's
one of my better jokes.

Gerry told me he's gay.

What?

He tried touching me
right before you walked in.

No, I didn't.

Then, then why is your
penis so hard?

You mother fucker!

Hey, cut the shit,
you two, you're gonna kill him!

I'll
fucking kill you!

You're just
having a bad trip!

Get the fuck off of me,

- fucking asshole.
- Fucking pussy.

Get the fuck outta here.

Fucking piece of shit.

Eddie Van Halen is still
better than Tony Iommi.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the moment has arrived.

We will now be full members

of the Knights of
the Black Circle.

Fuck the Knights, what
do we need them for?

Shit, I
forgot my BOC tape.

You guys gotta hear this
song, "Take Me Away".

It's fucking heavy, it's about
aliens abducting this dude

that wants to be taken
away from his shit home.

Mike, could you
please shut the fuck up

so I could get this
damned thing open?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I'm having

- a hard time here.
- Come on, come on.

I'm trying.

- There we go.
- Pfft,

what the fuck is that?

Wait, there's more.

Yes, oh, I want more
bubble wrap, me too.

Oh, I forgot to
tell you guys this.

- This weed was dusted.
- What's dusted?

This book is fucking creepy.

Shit, hold it up
so I can film it better.

Holy shit, man.

- What the fuck was that?
- I don't know.

I can't get it, Jesus.

Let's see if you
could do any better.

- You suck, watch.
- Yeah, I have one.

Fuck.-

You suck worse than me.

- Shut the fuck up.
- Yeah, we all suck

at burping, you
guys, let's see that.

"Seraphinian
Necronomicon".

You okay, Ger?

Geez man, what the hell?

Fuck, dude.

Did he eat something?

Dude, I
don't know what to do.

Hey,
Gerry, say something,

man, are you all right?

It's that fucking book.

Dude, what happened?

Buck Dharma totally
smells Eddie Van Halen.

Sweetheart,

you're gonna be late for school.

Just a second!

All right, Mike, this
is Wendy and Susan.

They're sisters.

No, duh.

Ah, warm PBRs are
better than no PBRs.

Mike, take it slow.

- You don't wanna P-U-K-E.
- You're not like six.

We can spell you, you idiot.

What's with the camera?

It's for
Mrs. Rose class.

I'm doing it as a video project.

Can we be in it,
please, please, please?

Please, please, please,

please, please, please,
please, please, please, please?

Oh, fuck yeah.

Okay, you can be in, I
think you got the part.

Hey, so I read three
lines from that book.

When?

Yesterday, the picture
had a girl giving herself

to a guy, or maybe it was
a werewolf, I don't know.

Anyways, I read the chant,
and next thing you know,

I'm at the gazebo
with the two sisters,

and the rest is history.

Man, those
chicks are freaky.

Did you see them totally
making out, that shit was hot?

Yeah, it's a Satanic miracle.

The guy who can't
even score one girl

gets not one but
two lovely ladies

and manages to bring
them out to the woods?

Holy shit.

There's nothing holy about it.

Yeah, I'm sure
it was a werewolf.

You guys are fucking dicks.

Dude, where
the fuck is Ritchie?

I don't know, I haven't
seen him in so long.

I think he got
kicked outta school.

He cut out so many
frigging times.

And then he showed
up to Nadler's class,

tripping his fucking face off.

Nadler's class?

- No wonder he got kicked out.
- Yeah.

I tried calling him,

but his mom said he
wasn't available.

What does, "Wasn't
available," mean anyway?

I have no idea.

Look, he probably...

What?

Spit it out, Gilligan.

I don't know, remember it
was his turn with the book?

Yeah, so?

Well, he said that he
figured out the text.

He said he could
actually understand all

that fucking gibberish,
said an angel came

to him in a dream
and touched him.

Oh, maybe
it was that angel

from that CZ Top video,
I wish she'd touch me.

No, it was a black angel, he
said, from Satan's universe,

or hell, or whatever
the fuck he read.

I have no clue, but
she had black wings,

and she was touching
his forehead and shit.

I don't know.

Okay, how about this?

He wakes up in the morning

and the book is on
his fucking chest.

Meanwhile, the night before
he, hides it in his closet

so his old man wouldn't find it.

How does a book that he hid
in his closet the night before

end up on his chest
the next morning?

I mean, tell me that
is not unbelievable.

You actually
believe that shit?

Ritch has been doing like a hit

of acid every day for a month.

He's nuts, that's all.

I don't know.

The last time that I spoke
to him, he sounded weird.

And it wasn't drugs.

Like, he just sounded weird.

Like I think he's obsessed.

- Oh my God, Ritchie.
- How's school, losers?

Hey man, where
the fuck you been?

You look like shit,
did you lose 10 pounds?

Yeah, and where's my book?

Your book, your book?

- Yeah, my book.
- It's all

of mankind's book, man, and
it's opening up a portal

- to the fourth dimension.
- Yup, he's lost it.

- Exactly.
- I'm not joking, man.

This shit, it works.

Every time I do an incantation,
I feel this powers.

It's better than any drug
I've ever done before.

- And I can hear him.
- Oh my God.

I hear the whispers.

Yeah, how many
drugs have you done?

You look like you're
losing it, are you okay?

- I'm fine, man.
- Hey, fuck off me.

- Are you nuts?
- Hey, I'll show you.

I'm right here.

Dude, get the
fuck down from there.

Ritchie, what
the fuck you doing?

Get down, you're gonna fall.

I'm over here.

- What the fuck?
- What the fuck did?

Ritchie, how
the fuck did, okay,

where the fuck did he go?

I'm right here.

What are you doing?

It's
fucking impossible.

Holy shit!

So, I've been
studying the book,

and there were all these
different incantations.

So, like warmups for the
final materialization.

And once the door is
breached, he enters,

and it's only happened like
12 other times in history

when he's come over.

But he could never
hold on to his power

and he had to go back.

He was thinking too
big and too broadly,

getting into politics
and world affairs.

But now he knows
he's gotta sneak in

by tearing a small
rip in the curtain,

building an army of darkness.

So, this is
why we haven't seen you

in over a month?

No, I got an Atari,
"Space Invaders".

It's unbelievable, man.

So, what's next?

Well, in order
to get some power,

you have to sacrifice something.

That little trick I did
earlier used everything up,

but I just had to show you guys.

Look over there.

What the fuck is that?

Holy shit, it's Jimmy's
sister's fucking cat.

Fuck, the knife's
still bloody, oh God.

Where's
the fucking head?

Oh my God.

So, I wanna warn the
faithful followers

of the Nightmares
and Dreams Video Blog

that what you're about to
see is the unedited truth.

It's not for the faint
of heart or from minors.

Hopefully you didn't hack
into your daddy's PC.

You may not believe your eyes

of what you're about to witness.

It's none other than Satan
himself being summoned.

I made you chocolate chip
cookies, your favorite.

Mike, why did you bring
me out here in the woods?

And what are you always
filming everything for?

I told you, it's
for Mrs. Rose's art class.

It's supposed to be room
loops, not woods loops.

Whatever, that's like the
stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Just hold this while
I read this chant.

Fuck, Susan, where did you go?

Susan, Susan, Susan,
where are you, Susan?

What the fuck?

What the fuck, where
the fuck did she go?

She's fucking gone,
she's fucking dead.

Holy shit, holy shit,
holy shit, Susan!

What the fuck, holy shit, Susan!

What the fuck, it it
wasn't raining a second ago.

Fuck the rain, you
guys gotta see the footage,

she's fucking dead!

Why the fuck you
still filming then?

We have to destroy it.

It proves we
didn't do anything.

You guys, I think this
fucking hole ate her.

Yo, fuck you, I'm with Mike,
we film everything from now on.

We have to have proof that
this shit fucking happened.

What, like the fucking
Devil is just gonna step out

for an interview if we say
another spell from the book?

Let me see that you.

What the fuck?

- Holy shit.
- What the fuck just happened?

Doolb, doolb, Natas,

it's Satan, don't you guys
see, it's blood, it's backward?

They're just words, but
everything is backwards.

Doolb is blood, Natas is Satan.

You just asked Satan to bathe
you in doolb, I mean, blood.

What, that fucking thing

just almost hit me in the head.

Fuck, let's go.

Go, go, go!

Let's get
the fuck out of here!

What the fuck?

You realize we should have run

into Church Street
by now, right?

No, we should have run
into the harbor by now.

Where the fuck are we?

The fucking hole, how
the did we get back here?

Gerry, goes what
page the book is open to!

Fuck no, why doesn't
Satan's lover over here do it?

- Don't call me that?
- Shut the fuck up, Ritchie!

You're the one who got us
into all this crazy shit.

What the fuck has it shown?

I'll go do it myself.

It says, "Final incantation

"for materialization
of the Dark Lord.

"Ye who read these words now sit

"at the side of the Desolate One

"who shall reclaim
dominion over this world

"and all other
dimensions within."

Holy shit, the hole's bleeding.

Let me see that,
move, I wanna read this.

Don't say these words.

Oh, Ritchie, don't say
these words, Ritchie!

Ritchie, don't say these
words, come on, Ritchie!

- Don't say these word.
- Hey, honey!

Don't say these words,
don't say these words!

Say you love Satan!

Hey, what's up, eh?

- You doing all right?
- Yeah, I am.

I did not do
this, I am innocent,

and I have to tell you and
you, I did not do this.

I don't know why
nobody will believe me,

- but I am so outta here.
- Hey, hey!

What the hell is up with this?

Where
you going, come on,

what are you doing?

- Let's go.
- I'm trying to tell you.

- No one will believe em.
- How did she get in here,

- anyway, in the first place?
- What, isn't that

- that rock star?
- Hey, you need to shut up

and come with me,
move it, let's go.

What was that?

That show was some crazy shit.

Yeah, what do you think?

Maybe those kids at Long
Island that disappeared?

Christ, do you think
there's a connection?

That's all we need.

Yeah, I hate the weird ones.

Speaking of which, I
wanna show you something.

What the hell is this?

It's totally unrelatable,
but this whole thing

with Schneider has
got me thinking,

this happened when I was
in L.A. about 10 years ago.

A cable repair guy murdered
three residential customers

before being gunned down.

It's horrible.

- A cable repair guy?
- Yeah.

He claimed the Devil live
inside his cable box.

Wonderful, now I've
officially heard everything.

It's horrible.

We've gotta her
her temperature down.

Dr. Goode.

I'll be back.

You've been infected.

Pal, I got
allergies, all right?

It's a real bitch.

- What about your partner?
- You know what?

Maybe you ought to worry
about yourself for now.

There's not a blemish
on this guy's record.

I mean, he's never even
had a speeding ticket.

Well, maybe he snapped, I
mean, we've seen that before.

He's supposed to be some kind
of hot shot computer expert.

His specialty's creating
antivirus software.

The guy's loaded.

Just last week, some
European company transferred

a couple of mill to
his bank account.

Any word on the
woman in the trunk?

Nothing so far.

Get on that, all right?

I also need you to look
at the dashboard footage

from both squad cars.

Okay.

Just what are we
gonna find on this one?

This lovely looking
thing femme fatale

is Magdalena Forte,
my soon to be ex-wife.

Don't let the glamor fool
you, she's a bit of a jerk.

You see, that's not me.

That's Eric Valentine, my
supposedly filmmaking partner.

He and I co-directed, I shot it,

and my celebrity wife
was the producer.

The lady in blue is his
latest person of interest.

And the lady in red, that his
wife's twin sister, Marlene.

She'll do whatever it takes
for a part in his next project.

So, where's his wife, Lilliana?

Apparently they could
only muster up two invites

for the screening, I'm
just the cinematographer,

and Lilliana's just
a supporting actress.

So, no red carpets for us.

That dude there, looking
back to the trailer monitor

is Henry Greenberg,
Eric's managing.

He's making sure Eric
doesn't get totally wasted

before his Q and A
after the screening.

He's also making
sure Eric and my wife

don't have a lover's quarrel

when they're supposed
to promote the film.

Meanwhile, back in Eric's
production high out,

I'm setting up cameras for
a live show that will air

in the very monitoring they're
using to show the trailer.

And Eric's wife, Lilliana?

Well, she's the fucking star.

Nice.

Gotta give it to you, Eric,

you own some pretty
bad ass gear.

I sold those receipts
for the Alexa bodies,

but the ship date's
for next month.

So, I would have
thought you would have

at least taken the Epic
with you to Khan's.

But like you told
your line producer,

why transfer it overseas what
you can rent for cheaper?

So awesome, love
these RED Pro Primes.

So underrated for the price.

Complained about this?

Oh, you're just a snob, right?

You left the GoPros behind too.

So, I'm guessing
you finally bought

those Blackmagic cameras
you've been ranting about.

These microphones
are pretty good too.

Aren't GoPros awesome?

You can put 'em anywhere.

I'm sure your red carpet sendoff

is gonna be a great
warmup for France,

but I'm having
quite a bit of fun

with a small but interesting
crew, including Henry,

the bouncer that punched
you out last summer.

He's our boom operator.

And Paco, your
favorite custodian,

who you hated because you swear

you caught both our
wives checking him out.

Well now, when I
hustled up the crew

and broke into your apartment,

he's the first guy I thought of.

Tada, this is the money shot,

but don't get me wrong.

These other angles would
be pretty good too.

You know, I always
deliver you your coverage.

We've never had to go back

to a location because we
didn't get enough coverage.

Our movie star's here.

Wow, Manny, what
a setup.

Whoa, your wife is looking
especially hot today, Eric.

- I'm gonna love this.
- Manny, why so many cameras?

Because
you're a star, Lilliana,

- you're a fucking star.
- Well, I brought

four different outfits,
I hope you like them.

I'm sure
I'm gonna like them.

But I have a feeling you're
probably just gonna need one.

Which one do you want
me to try on first?

Surprise me, Lilliana.

Go in the bathroom and put
on whichever one you want.

No matter what you wear,

the audience is just gonna
want you to take it off.

You're so silly.

What about makeup?

Don't you dare hid
that beautiful face

behind a single ounce of makeup.

I'm gonna finish setting up.

All right, I'm gonna
change while you set up.

Don't change too much.

Remember, make me look good.

Looking good is
your department.

I'm just here to
make you a star.

This is the camera
you'll be favoring

as you get choked out
into its fixation,

while you will climax
during intercourse.

I know, crazy, right?

That's how Kung Fu died, right?

Hanging from a noose with
his pecker in his hand?

That's what Eric here told
me at the Christmas party.

Anywho, Paco, our
male feature actor

will be lying right
here on your pillow

as your wife crawls up
into our A camera angle

for the big finish,
and guess what?

I'm gonna recruit
just like you like it.

Most cameras remain static,
yet strategically placed,

and check this out.

We'll save even more
money on this freebie

by using your neighborhood
free labor crew.

How's that for cutting corners?

Hey, I didn't even bother with
casting notices on agencies.

Who needs agency when
assholes like you brag

to the fellows that their
wife loves getting choked out

and that she fucks
like a woman possessed?

Really man, guys like you
who share the sexual exploits

with other guys are
just asking for this.

Well now, old husband of mine,

I'm finally number
one on the call sheet.

Hopefully I won't ruin this.

But hey, what
do you always say?

Save money, gold and tits
trump talent any day.

We get it now, Eric, we're
gonna try it your way.

No deal memo and no permits.

That's why we're
here in your office.

No permits necessary.

I can't just set
four static cameras

and hope we get lucky.

Well, I'm kinda nervous,
that rarely happens.

I guess this is
gonna be special.

I know, Eric, a little cheesy,
but fitting, don't you think?

Okay,
Manny, I'm ready.

That's your cue,
Paco, clap three times.

It was just you
and me for so long, Eric.

But with Manny's wife,
you got yourself a ticket

to ride, didn't you?

Hollywood is just
way too far away

without a shortcut, huh?

So sad when ambition makes
a fool of us all, Eric.

But damn, why would you share

how we make love
with your friends?

Didn't you love me?

Didn't I belong to only you?

Just you and me for so long.

Wait wait,
wait, think about it.

They're there right
now at the festival.

Your husband and my wife.

You got this.

Boy, there's some pretty
sick people out there.

I suppose you're gonna
tell me that was real.

Maybe you should
check out Mount Olive.

- What's that?
- A church.

And what do you
think I'm gonna find?

Perhaps an answer
to your question.

How could four gorgeous women
like us be going home alone?

It's tragic, but at least
we have each other.

I wouldn't call it a loss.

There was one guy at that
party worth pursuing.

What the hell?

Hey, it's not to late
to help me stop this.

Detective Semler's
in critical condition.

He's coughing up blood
from internal bleeding.

They don't know if
they can stop it.

- Jesus.
- Are you okay?

I must be coming
down at something.

Schneider didn't
kill the officers.

- It was Officer Schiano.
- What?

He shot his partner first,

and then the two others before
turning the gun on himself.

There's no way it
happened that way.

Yeah.

What about the woman,
what'd you find on the woman?

Her name's Vala Schneider,
she's Ansel's wife.

Where is she now?

I called the Mercy, but the
ambulance hasn't arrived yet.

- We'll get an APB out now.
- Yeah.

No, no,
no, no, no, no, no!

Deena, it's fine.

Oh my God, oh my God!

I don't know where we are,

but there's an ambulance

and there's blood
fucking everywhere!

I think we're
in Orange Grove Drive.

Orange Grove Drive,
Orange Grove Drive,

but there's blood everywhere!

Oh my God!

Why didn't you tell
me she was your wife?

It's more
complicated than that.

Well, maybe this will
give us some answers.

You don't know
what you're doing, Detective.

Well, hello everyone,
Faith Daniels here.

Well, as you can see,
today's a beautiful day

to mark a new beginning
for our congregation.

It is our final fundraiser.

And if all goes
according to plan,

we'll have nearly
reached our goals

And well, we've been
through so, so much, and.

Keep going, Faith,

- you're doing fine.
- Okay, thank you, Louis.

Follow me.

So, as I was saying,
we've been through so much

in our congregation,
and it warms my heart

to see everyone pull together

and helped save this beloved
little chapel of ours.

This place has a lot of history,

and I'm really glad that
that we're able not only

to preserve it, but also
make it, make it stronger.

We couldn't
have done it without you.

Yeah, totally, we
wouldn't be here right now

if it wasn't for you, my turn.

And let's not
forget, we also have

the hottest God fearing babe.

Now then, Devin.

Sorry, Faith, keep going.

It's okay, Louis,
why don't we check

in with Minister Malcom?

No, that sounds really great.

Yeah, uh-huh, well,
well, thanks so much.

Okay then, real good.

Listen, thanks so much
for all your support.

No, really, it's a
real pleasant surprise.

It's really gonna put Sunnyside
on much firmer ground.

Uh-huh, yup, okay,
yeah.

All right, all right,
all right, yeah, sure.

Thanks, thanks again,
okay, okay, bye.

So, what's
the pleasant surprise?

Well, are you
ready for more good news?

Yeah, bring it on.

No, no, no, seriously,
like, are you ready?

'Cause like really,
really, really ready?

- Yeah, I'm ready.
- Well I need you to be ready.

- We're ready.
- We're ready.

Okay, that was
an anonymous donor

I just got off the phone
with, a really generous one.

And they read about the
terrible blasphemous vandalism

that nearly destroyed us,

and they read about the fundraiser
efforts that you, Faith,

started to help keep us alive.

They wanna help.

Whoa,
that's incredible.

We almost reached our goals,
so really every bit counts.

- Yeah, yeah.
- That's great.

They wanna match our total.

What?

Oh my God, Malcom,
that's incredible!

- Yeah.
- That's wonderful.

- What's going on?
- An anonymous donor

came through, we're going to
exceed our fundraising goal.

- No way, fucking sweet!
- Ugh, it's sweet indeed,

Devin, come here, son.

All right, listen, I want
you to watch your language

in our house of worship, okay?

Oh, and be nice Ms. Daniels.

You know how much
she means to me.

Sorry, Faith.

So, Minister Malcom,

care to recap today's
amazing events?

Yes, yes, yes, definitely.

Well, to put it bluntly,
we really did bring it,

as the kids said, we
raised enough funds

to finish our repairs and to
add extra security cameras.

We're going to continue to
protect the congregation

and ensure that this
never happens again.

Now, thanks in large part
to the amazing work done

by Faith Daniels, who helped
mobilize a ground swell

of support and awareness,

we continue to receive
love from our Lord.

Just when we thought things
couldn't get any better,

we received an
anonymous call, who now,

stay with me on this,

he promised that he's
going to match every dollar

that we've raised already.

We are truly, truly blessed.

Amen to that.

Now, Malcom, if you could
please let the folks

who couldn't be
here with us today,

know what this match actually
entails, that would be great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely,
this is the best part now.

Now to receive our donation,

our donor has asked
us to participate

in a geo stash game.

Now, all right, all right,

I know we're not the
most tech savvy bunch,

but I think this looks
like a lot of fun.

Now, basically this is a...

All right, Faith, help
me out here, what is it?

Scavenger hunt.

A scavenger
hunt, right, right.

But it's done with this little
app that it gives us clues

and it helps guide
us to our location.

Now, Faith here has decided
to be our geo stasher.

- Mm-hmm.
- She has to find five items

that are stashed nearby and
in fairly close locations.

- Are you ready, Faith?
- I'm ready.

Great, let's have a
little prayer, shall we?

Of course.

Conqueror of the
assailant of knowledge,

You've changed the
universe forever.

And Your foot rests on his
back in endless victory.

Applause echoes
throughout the cosmos

in eternal celebration.

On the highest mountain top,

You reveal Your glory
to those who choose.

- Amen.
- Amen.

May the
Lord be with you.

Thank you, Louis, may
the Lord be with you too.

Bye Faith,
good luck, see you soon.

Bye everybody, see you soon.

And we're off.

Stairway to heaven,
mm, where are you?

Oh, what, where?

I don't get it.

What, oh my God, really?

All right, here we go.

Oh God, I don't like heights.

Oh, there we go.

Come with me.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

And we're off.

Okay.

Oh, all right.

Let's see what we got here.

Oh, okay, that's
interesting, what is this?

One stash, four to go.

Oh, hold on, okay,
all right, here we go.

The test that
stumped them all.

Stumped, I should be.

What was that?

Okay okay.

This is starting to not be
fun anymore, here we go, okay.

What, but what the heck is this?

Let's just go.

Oh, oh, isn't this nice?

Oh my God, that was
so creepy, okay.

Geez, what happened here?

Kids, I guess, I don't know.

Okay, relax.

Hey, where have you been?

I tried calling and texting you.

I'm walking around these woods.

I'm so sorry, hon.

I didn't see your
texts coming until now.

So, where are you?

I don't know what,
I have no idea where I am,

and I think I'm about
to find a third stash,

but I gotta tell you, this is
officially not fun anymore.

Oh, cool,
you're on the third stash?

She found the third
stash, everyone.

What is it?

Oh, I'm not sure,
hold on a sec.

Oh, this is classy.

Score Magazine, number
one in big boobs.

Okay, let me see,
oh, I don't know,

it looks like a
bowl of some sort.

- Perfect.
- Perfect?

I'm sorry, Malcom, I think
our friendly little benefactor

might be just playing
a cool trick on us.

- Geez, you think?
- Yeah, I'm also cold

and kinda creeped out right now.

Can you just come
and pick me up?

This is over, this is
not going anywhere.

- Geez, you think?
- I'm sure our little friend

won't mind.

Hello, hello?

Are you there?

Next clue, to rid
the world of evil,

you must get to
its root.

Wait a second, okay, okay,
okay, oh God, all right, relax.

Okay, it's nothing, oh.

Okay, oh, come on,
come on, come on.

There it is.

Oh, I found it.

Sweet Jesus, what was that?

Oh, Lord, oh.

What was I thinking in
agreeing to do this?

Oh, damn.

Oh, my God
I'm outta here.

Whoa, hey there.

You should watch where
you're walking, Mister.

Ugh, what is that?

Ugh, oh, ew.

It's just a stupid scarecrow.

Oh, what?

I don't know what that is,
but I'm sick of it, okay.

Nice night for a walk, isn't it?

Nice, yeah, very nice.

Probably the best
day of my life.

All right.

Finally, you better
be close, Mister.

That I am,
I think only 15 minutes

if the navigation is right.

Sorry, we got cut off before.

I've got some nice
hot chocolate,

a few other treats left
over from the bake sale

for my brave little
scavenger hunter.

Oh, that's very sweet,

but won't be enough
to make me forget

about this freaky night.

None of these clues
make any sense, Malcom.

Duly noted, no
more geo stashing in the dark.

How many did you find?

Four.

Ah, so close, well,

you really did give
it your best shot.

You were such a great sport.

What do you mean,
this isn't a prank?

We're not getting the donation?

Not unless we find
all the stashes, I'm afraid.

But like I said, A
for effort, my dear.

Yeah, how about L for loser?

God, Malcom, this was
such a waste of time.

I don't wanna let
everybody down.

Sunnyside really needs
that extra money,

and you know it.

Hogwash, Faith
Daniels, you did great.

We'll always be proud of you
for the sacrifice you made.

Well, I guess, whatever.

Be there in two
shakes of a lamb's tail.

Bye.

Let's do this.

Find hope between a
rock and a hard place.

I need some hope.

There you are.

Got this.

If you dig one ditch,
then better dig two,

'cause the trap you set
just might be for you.

Okay, let's see.

What?

What, who are you?

Go, stay away from
me, go, what?

Go away stay
away from me, no.

What do you want?

No no, no, get away.

Welcome to the party, Faith,
so glad you could join us.

Malcom,
what is this, what?

Shh, shh, shh.

What are you doing?

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

What, Malcom,
what are you doing?

Thank you for the
offerings, Faith.

You did well, I'm sure
he will be most pleased.

Louis, Malcom, is this a joke?

- Oh, Faith, shh.
- I'm not comfortable.

My dear, sweet
Faith, this is no joke.

You are the sixth stash.

Hail, Satan.

Hail, Lucifer.

What, what, what are
you doing, let me go?

Shh.

What, stop.

Stop, stop, please, stop.

Why?

All offerings accounted for,
let the ceremony continue.

No.

No.

Thank
you, Mia, my dear.

Anything for you,
Minister Malcom.

What?

What are you doing?

No!

Do I have to?

He also would drink of the
wine of the wrath of God,

which is mixed in full strength
in the cup of his anger.

That's my boy.

Conqueror of the
assailant of knowledge,

you've changed the
universe forever,

and your foot rests
on Jehovah's back

in endless victory.

Applause echoes
throughout the cosmos,

in eternal celebration on
the highest mountain top,

you reveal your glory
to those who choose.

What's that?

My Lord, is that you?

Have you come for us, my Lord?

What's this, what's this
horrible smell?

Malcom, don't do
that, don't do that.

Don't do that, Malcom.

Holy shit, oh
my God, oh, oh!

Mount Olive, Mount Olive?

Yeah, Dale, listen, it's Frank.

I just watched a
video I think was shot

in your neck of the woods.

It's a church right
outside Mount Olive.

Do you know the one
I'm talking about?

Right, just off the interstate.

Your guys were just there?

I'll be damned, when
did that happen?

Well, the video shows
Satanists sacrificing a woman,

for Christ's sake.

You're telling me that
actually happened?

Jesus, that's unbelievable.

Yeah, we'll get a copy of
the video right out to you.

Yeah, no shit, Dale, that's
one for the books, thanks.

There's a whole lot going
on out at Mount Olive.

What else do you know
about that church?

A lot more than
what's on that video.

Well, it burned
to the ground last night.

Dispatch received a call

from a woman saying
she found the ambulance

out on Orange Brook Drive.

Is everything okay?

It's
gotta be the drives.

It's gotta be the drive.

I don't know how,

but somehow Schneider
put something in them.

Damned, busting me for
smiling on a cloudy day.

Am I under arrest here or what?

Hey, you have a seat.

Yeah, you haven't even
read me my fucking rights.

Go take a seat.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

Did you
hear me, go take a seat?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear ya.

That's some nice
stuff you've got.

I'd love to try it on.

Please, you wanna
cuff me, officer?

Yes, you'd probably
enjoy it too much.

Would you take a seat, please?

Seriously dude, time is
money and the rent is due.

And I'll tell you
when you can leave.

What's the story
with these guys?

We found them standing in
the middle of the street,

right outside the precinct.

Yeah, one of 'em
had ID, so we ran it.

It turns out these three
went missing three hours away

in Jersey last week.

What are they doing here?

Hey, your guess
is as good as ours.

It killed my dad.

What's he saying?

It's in the church.

It's in the church.

Look Sarge, there's
been some crazy shit

going on out there.

You have someone
coming down from Jersey

to pick these guys up.

That's the
best news I heard all night.

You need to send
someone to the church.

We're working on it.

Sergeant Biehn, do me a favor

and give these guys
a seat, all right?

Over to your
left, to your left.

Is everything okay?

I need to see Ansel Schneider.

He's
not here right now.

It's important.

There's nothing I
can do about that.

Come on, I can help you out.

Garcia, get the generators on.

Yes, sir.

Oh my God.

Fuck, shit, holy fuck!

Do I need a bust out
of the station now?

What the hell,
what's going here?

He said something on the
flash drives caused this.

- What?
- I don't know.

Where's that coming from?

Sounds
like the front desk.

Who's down there?

I
don't know, Howard?

Get Armitage to the ambulance.

Stop please!

We have to help him.

I'll handle the suspect.

Freeze!

Stop!

The
whole precinct's under attack!

Whatever you do,
don't go near it!

Shit.

Vala, stop!

You used me, but
this has to end.

It's already spreading.

The audience was the
target all along.

And you lead them to me.

This isn't a fucking movie.

You don't have to
believe, see for yourself.

They're watching
this now.

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull