Original subtitles

--== McEphie ==--

Homo?

Homo! Homo!

Discipline your child!

Hi, Fe!

Homo, homo, homo!

Homo…

Homo…

Child, you may begin your confession.

Shouldn't you be the one confessing?

What do you mean?

You're a homo.

Homo, homo, homo…

Quiet, don't say that!

Homo, homo, homo…

You're a homo!

Homo, homo, homo…

Remington, I told you to stop doing that!

A homo, all right.

Homo, homo, homo!

Homo, homo, homo!

Yes,

I am gay.

Always have been, always will be.

But you little brat…

you will turn gay

when you grow up!

Make way! I said stand aside!

Are you laughing at me? You want me to arrest you?

Cordon off the area for evidence collection.

Another Diana Rose?

Gay.

If you want us to catch the killer,

please cooperate with the investigation.

When you find a victim, call the police, not your neighbors.

How did she die?

Murder.

Keep the crime scene intact. That's basic!

I've never seen a dead body before.

I've seen a lot.

All kinds. There's homicide, suicide, parricide, pesticide…

Kidding.

My mom's a cop.

Really?

I know, right?

Cool.

I've seen a lot of corpses, too.

Victims of lung cancer, skin cancer, bone cancer…

Social cancer.

Kidding.

My father's an oncologist.

You're not from around here.

Yes, I am.

By the way, my name is…

Remington!

Jigs!

Remington?

You're Remington?

Yup. Have you heard of me?

Hang on.

Miss! Wait up…

You know her?

She's Montano's daughter.

Montano?

Let's go.

She rode in my taxi the other day.

-What did your mom say? -About what?

-The murders. Is there a suspect? -Nope.

Who's the victim?

Janet Jacksonia.

Fuck…

Why? Were you two dating?

No way!

Drinks at Tabel's tonight.

There's also a party at Kevin’s.

Great!

Watch the road, you shitheads!

Too bad we missed!

That's her house.

Whose house?

The girl you were talking to a while ago.

Pass it to me.

Shoot!

Dude?

Dude, did you see that?

I did! That was solid.

You okay?

I don't mean the ball. The thing that was flying…

Drink up.

Is this your birthday blowout?

That's on the 21st.

Cool, your 21st birthday is on the 21st.

That's right.

Hey! Are you drinking or not?

Hey, handsome lads.

Present!

Mang Biyo!

Any of you want a job?

We're quite busy.

I'm a few hands short.

The job doesn't require any brains, which means you're all perfect.

Rearranging furniture and cleaning the house is all it is.

Have a shot with us, sir.

There's nothing for me in this nest of lazy drunkards.

Might as well go back to Mrs. Montano's.

Mrs. Montano?

Yes, why?

The one with a teenage daughter?

You mean Hannah.

Hannah…

An only child. She just got back from Manila.

I'm in. Jigs and I are up for it.

-Are you sure? -Yes.

Okay. Be there at 8:00 a.m.

Easy on the alcohol, don't be late.

Yes, sir. Don't worry.

Second round…

What about the bike?

Do the night shift.

Not enough bikes at night.

I'll be your co-pilot.

Wait for me!

I have to go home!

Be there tomorrow.

Why? Benedict…

My child!

Sir!

Ma'am!

What?

I'm here.

I know.

Lieutenant Martinez,

you have no witness…

no suspect…

no lead.

Yes, sir.

Wow, wow, wow…

Five salons have closed down.

You can see what that's doing to my hair, right?

Besides being kind, our gays…

Where is Councilor Saliendra?

On an emergency family reunion in Davao.

What about Engineer Saludes?

The subscriber cannot be reached, sir.

Please try your call later, sir.

Confirmed. They're all conQUEERmed.

Mayor, it would help a lot if you approved my budget request.

It's been pending since 1999.

My God, you ask for it like it was candy.

Okay.

500 pesos! Reload.

Get it from Mutya on your way out.

Georgia, you might be the next victim.

Stupid!

My boss is a cop.

She'll catch that killer.

And he'll rot in jail.

Looking sharp!

Going out on a date?

Introduce me, okay?

-Of course! -Hey, bro.

Come in, come in.

Morning.

Hey, guys, Remington’s got a hot date.

Awesome!

That's good news.

Gotta run.

Make me proud, son!

He's a good kid.

Yeah, he is.

Hey, this was your idea, so put in some work.

Just finding my groove.

Are you cold or something?

Careful, please!

Mang Biyo, take a break.

Hannah.

Not bad.

Hannah!

Thank you for the snack. It was delicious.

Did you cook it?

Your mother did.

Why is she always in black?

Is she in mourning? Who died?

My father.

I'm sorry.

That's why I came back.

Remember my dad?

The one you called "homo"?

Me? Why would I do that?

Well, it's true anyway.

Give this to Mang Biyo.

Are we okay now?

I can show you around, so you don't get bored.

You didn't recognize him?

It was dark and his face was covered.

The serial killer!

Have you told your mom?

Come in!

Hurry up.

He had a tattoo on his chest.

A tattoo of what?

Mimi!

What are you doing there?

But this is the last batch, Chief.

Get out, all of you.

Faster.

Did you tell your dad?

Son…

is there something you want to tell me?

-Are you gay? -Mom!

It's not the serial killer who attacked you.

How can you be so sure?

So far, all his victims are gay.

Besides, the cuts on your body, that's not how he operates.

Maybe it was…

Maybe it was…

-a drug addict. -a drug addict.

Remington…

what do you plan to do after the summer?

After the holidays?

I'll help out at the store.

Is that what you really want?

Don't you want to go back to school?

Your aunt's offer is still good.

Dad doesn't want it.

You're not a boy anymore.

Anyway, Manila's too crowded and polluted.

You want me to get--

Lung cancer. I've heard that one before.

Besides, what good will it do me going there?

I'm okay with being here.

It's your life.

I'll close up and wait for you here.

Sorry, we're closed.

Just a trim?

Hey, nice ring tone!

Gay identified.

You brought your own hair dryer? Looks fab.

But I have lots of those here.

Besides, that's for later.

Let's go.

Jigs, do you think we know the killer?

Maybe he's from around here.

Hey, where are we?

What's up?

Something happened to Tonya.

Where's Remington?

He left already.

He told me to wait.

Where are we?

Who are you?

What do you want?

Hey, you!

I haven't got time for this.

Mang Biyo said you were having your house decorated for the holiday.

Didn't he tell you? There's no work here today.

The stores ran out of pink streamers.

Mom said why not do the entire house in black?

Incredible.

Where'd all your stuff go? You could skate in here.

Mom doesn't want to see anything that reminds her of Dad.

Yet she goes on living here.

She doesn’t want to leave.

That's why I had to come back.

Bad trip. Fucking shit.

What am I supposed to do in this town?

Nothing happens here.

Everything's in slow motion.

And everyone likes to stare.

What’s your plan then?

I'll finish my degree. Then, start a business.

I'll turn the downstairs into a dorm for students.

No, a billiard hall is better!

A hangout for bums, no shortage of those here.

Ouch!

Okay, bye.

Hannah, wait.

What is it?

I like your makeup!

I mean--

I know.

You really think it's okay?

You betcha!

Girl, you look fantabulous!

Remington.

Good morning, ma’am.

Well, same to you.

There's no work here today.

Yes, ma'am…

Hannah told me.

I didn't know you were so funny.

Must dash!

I have to mind the store.

Popsie might go Rambo, bang-bang. Bang!

I didn't get anything he said,

but I liked the sound of it.

Must dash…

Remington.

Mom's cooking a yummy afternoon snack.

Drop back in for some, okay?

Hey, isn't that Georgia's shirt?

Whoopsie-daisy.

What's wrong with him?

I bet you kept him up late.

Remington, what's the matter with you?

Sink.

Mirror.

Towel.

Bucket.

Toilet.

Door-othy!

Serviette.

Farrah Fawcett.

Sink or swim.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

Bouquet.

John Holmes of Flushing, Queens!

Oh, no!

Fucky, sucky, yucky!

Holiday's almost here.

After the holiday, another school year starts.

Maybe it's time you let Remington go to Manila to finish school.

He can stay with his aunt.

I never said he couldn't go.

He's the one who doesn't want to go.

He's afraid they'll make him a house boy.

And besides,

he doesn't want to get lung cancer.

Where was I?

ConQUEERmed!

To all you gays, homos, fags, fairies, queers, queens,

and last but not least,

those still in the closet,

go easy on the cruising!

It's safer to do it in groups, like orgies? Just kidding!

If you have any information that could help us catch the killer,

please do not hesitate to call us.

You know what, beauty pageants were made for women.

But they're really for the pleasure of us, men.

You got that right.

Sometimes, though, they can be quite amusing.

-Who? -The homos and their pageants.

Why amusing?

The question and answer round!

Like, for example?

I don't remember. But they crack me up.

Because they’re hideous!

Hey you, this conversation is only for real men.

Remington! How are you?

Have a shot.

Drink up, son!

That’s more like it!

A chip off the old block, right?

Son, we're drinking at Berting's tonight.

Join us, okay?

Surely Temple!

What?

Don't be afraid, Isko.

We've kept your identity a secret.

What can you tell me about that night?

Tonya and I were supposed to meet at her salon.

A gray Mitsubishi Lancer sedan.

Remember anything else?

That's it, Ma'am Fe.

The gun that he used, I've seen it before.

Where?

My classmate Ernesto Manansala invented it.

Ernesto…

relax.

Do you remember your thesis project?

The thing you invented, it can tell if a goat is gay and will not mate?

Ernesto…

the gaydar.

I lost it.

What does the gaydar do?

It can detect homosexuality in animals.

Unfortunately, there was a fatal accident with the goat I tested.

Once I fix the animal gaydar,

it will help improve the productivity of cattle raisers.

And gay animals will be put to better use as pets,

or they can work as models for commercials.

Homosexuality exists in all animal species.

It was by accident that I discovered the correlation

of the biochemical properties

of homosexual animals to the electron-based discharge of the--

Ernesto.

What happened?

I don't know.

You're nothing but a…

Mimi!

Where is the gaydar?

It was stolen.

Next he takes off his pants.

She goes…

But when he removed his briefs,

she says, "What's that, the wick?"

Wick! I thought you were going to say "dick!"

What's this?

Hey, Suarez, are you going to perm my hair?

It's so girly.

Gay identified.

Who's gay?

Gay identified.

Berting is a faggot.

You're the killer?

We are.

Remington…

your mom will get upset if she sees your room this messy.

-Son, I have a… -Dad, I have a…

-Go ahead… -Go ahead…

Don't worry about me.

What's bothering you?

Nothing. Forget about it.

Another Diana Rose.

It's Berting.

The tapioca vendor who just separated from his wife.

This means that…

He's confirmed.

Poor Berting.

Just when he was starting to enjoy his life.

Ma'am, I've got the list of gray Lancer sedan owners.

What are you doing here?

My dad threw me out.

Your mom let me in.

You were already sleeping.

Damn you!

You don't want me sleeping here?

It's not that.

You frightened me.

I had a fight with my dad.

Damn it, too much drama!

Jigs…

I also have a problem.

Someone is after me. Like death!

What?

Nothing!

Bro, is there a problem?

That's what I'm trying to say!

Whatever it is, you can tell me.

Can I sleep over again tonight?

I'm still at war with my dad.

Okay if I sleep next to you again?

What do you say, bro?

Wait for me while I go park.

Okay.

-Is Mang Biyo here? -He's not here yet.

Have a bite with us.

Are you sure it's okay?

Food's here, time for a break.

Come on, join us.

Hey, Remington!

So hot!

I should go.

I have… things to do.

Bye!

Remington!

Remington!

Hannah…

How are you?

I missed you.

For real?

-Really, I did. -Why?

Why?

You make me feel so much…

Already?

Tell me where you got the love potion.

Why is Hannah acting so sweet all of sudden?

You're almost in her pants.

My God, Jigs. Show some respect for women!

You really have a problem.

Let's eat, it's on me.

Wait!

Remember when we used to jump over there?

To see who could go higher.

One time, you ran smack into a buffalo.

I had to carry you all the way to your house.

Remember?

We were in grade school.

Why so quiet?

Nothing.

I think we were in fifth grade…

Where are you going?

I can't stand it anymore.

-The store? -No, stupid!

Hey, nice bag!

Thanks, I got it cheap.

It's a winner.

You understand me?

Of course. Remington, I don't want to die yet.

What's wrong, girl?

Look closely.

I'm gay! One look at me and you know.

Remington, they're killing the gays in this town.

I'm out of here.

-Goodbye, Remington. -Wait, Georgia!

Please stay.

What?

I need you.

You do?

You're the only one who understands me.

Really?

I've got a problem.

There's this guy that's been haunting me.

He's got a nice body, but no face.

First he shaved off all the hair on my body.

Then he literally tied my tongue in a knot.

And then he did something to my heart, so now…

I'm falling for my best friend!

I don't know what to do next.

You know what?

It'd be a pity if you turned gay. You're too handsome!

Girl!

The gay community will not approve!

I don't care!

Girl, help me!

I know.

What?

-I know! -What?

Mr. Faith Healer,

tell us what to do.

It's not me you want.

I'm just the assistant.

Looking for me?

Hi, love!

Leave us alone for a minute, okay?

I know him!

He put a curse on me when I was a little boy.

Shush!

You need to find him.

They're the beauty pageant contestants.

Why are they doing the photo shoot here?

The pageant's motif is ancestral homes.

That's why they're here.

Such nonsense.

They're all so lovely.

No way. You're lovelier by far.

Really?

Hey, Sandy! Where were you?

Do you play?

No.

I think you do.

Look at those fingers, long like candles.

Flatterer.

My dad used to tell me

people with fingers like candles should play the piano.

He said mine looked like they had candlewax dripped all over them.

Sit.

That's all I know.

I knew you could play.

You call that playing?

We used to have a piano.

So you took lessons.

No. I got scared.

When the teacher came,

I ran.

Why did you do that?

What for?

I was wrong about you.

I thought boys were all the same.

Turns out you're different.

Hannah.

Even the way you talk is different.

But most of all you make my mom happy,

and that makes me happy.

Hannah, I have to tell you something.

Jigs, eat!

Come, dear, join them.

Take my picture with the contestants.

I think I know what it is.

My answer is yes!

It's not that, it's not that!

It's just that…

I feel different.

I am changing.

What?

I won't keep it from you any longer.

I'm falling for…

Jigs.

Jigs?

Yes!

Would you believe me if I told you I was cursed?

For real?

Bring it on!

Good, you're home.

Jigs, can I borrow your bike?

Where are you going? I'll take you.

No.

I don't want you mixed up in this.

Stop it!

We're friends!

Nothing's gonna change that!

Okay, fine!

You're obviously not drunk.

I lied to you.

About what?

I'm not a virgin.

Hello! I know that.

With gays.

It's not true that I don't do it with them.

Why didn't you tell me?

I know you.

You'd think I was gross.

Then I find out…

You're also hiding something from me.

What are you talking about?

How long have you been in love with me?

Why did you keep it from me?

Did you think I'd be grossed out?

That I'd laugh at you?

Avoid you?

If I was okay doing it with others…

Then why not with you?

-Come here. -Jigs!

Are you done?

Can't do it.

You might go next.

What do you mean?

I mean, die.

Who'll die?

You!

If I ever…

You're the killer?

No!

Janet Jacksonia,

Tonya,

and even Mang Berting.

You had sex with them?

Yes!

Before they were killed.

Sorry, bro!

That was close!

SAINT ISIDORE THE FARMER

Berting was all over him.

Doesn't that thing ever run out of power?

Where's your faggot?

You mean Georgia?

He took off all of a sudden.

You must have warned him.

I made a deal with you, remember?

I'll go along with you if you leave Georgia alone.

But why do this? Why do you hate gays so much?

Don't you?

Sometimes.

When Georgia is being hard-headed.

Gays are insidious.

They slowly erode our…

…to protect our country…

our youth, our future!

Where are you off to?

Next town…

-Hannah's. -Who?

To Hannah's place.

Cool. This one’s a real playboy.

Just like his father.

Where's the booze?

Let's get some.

Gay identified.

Gay… Gay…

Gay… Gay…

Identity… confused!

Are we looking for a dead person?

BORN 1917, DIED 1986 R.I.P.

It's clean.

Someone's taking good care of it.

This is where I saw him! He was crying.

Who?

The person who put a curse on him!

Look.

Let me.

Excuse us!

Do you know who visits this grave regularly?

Yes,

the person most beloved by the deceased, Pops Ricafuerte.

Gay?

A really good person.

Do you know where we can find him?

Young people!

How can I be of help?

We're here…

Do you remember me?

I was little then.

Sorry, kid.

I don't know you.

I'm the boy you cursed.

Cursed?

I've never done such a thing!

Think hard.

You said I'd turn gay when I grew up.

I said that?

I don't remember that.

You may leave.

Hang on.

Remington, wait.

It’s you! You cursed me!

You're the homo!

Homo! Homo! Homo!

Yes! It was I who cursed you.

You stupid brat!

Tell me how to get rid of the curse.

Tell me!

That hurts!

Okay, okay!

I don't know.

Wait!

I don't know how to reverse it,

but we can talk to the spirit.

Hold hands.

Repeat after me.

Mischievous spirit, appear.

Mischievous spirit, appear.

Make your presence felt here, now.

Make your presence felt here, now.

We do not fear you.

We do not fear you.

Or your unfortunate face.

Or your unfortunate face.

Mischievous spirit, appear.

Mischievous spirit, appear.

Make your presence felt here, now.

Make your presence felt here, now.

We do not fear you.

We do not fear you.

Or your unfortunate face.

Or your unfortunate face.

Don't let go.

You're almost there… I can smell you already.

Do not let go of his hand!

You won't get Remington!

Can we get rid of the curse?

Only if a real man agrees to turn gay.

A virgin who hasn't tried gay sex.

I hope you find your replacement.

I hope so, too.

We'll come back if we have any more questions, okay?

Faggots.

Uncle Suarez?

I pity your father.

-What a waste. A waste! -The nerve!

Who do you think you are?

Get off my property!

You're the killer!

Remington, let's go!

Faster!

I'm going as fast as I can!

Do you see that?

What is it?

Up there!

Oh, no!

Remington, calm down!

There's still time!

-There's still time! -No…

Where's the birthday boy?

I've been texting, but he hasn’t replied.

Where do I put these?

Anywhere.

Those of you who have fallen to that wicked gun…

wake up, wake up!

And let those murderers…

meet your sweet revenge.

Son of a bitch!

That hurt!

Snap out of it!

We're out of time.

Let's get this straight.

Someone has to switch places with Remington and turn gay?

That's right.

And that person will start liking boys?

And stop liking girls?

We're forgetting something.

My replacement has to be a virgin.

Who among you have no sexual experience with gays?

Odie and Juno.

Nothing wrong with being gay.

Uncle Elmo sent me to school.

I screwed up, though, so now he's sending my sister.

Good thing he's not here,

it's dangerous.

Yeah, they're all right.

I'm in. I'm okay with it.

You are?

Go through with it, bro.

I will still be here for you when you're gay.

They have a point.

Remington.

Listen to me. You're not gay.

Snap out of it. We can fight this.

Thanks, but…

Girl, I'm tired.

None of us wanted this,

but what can we do?

Time to move on, okay?

No.

You don't deserve to be called gay.

The gays I know,

they know how to put up a fight.

Some of them fight all their lives.

But you…

You just do what's easy for you.

Even if it means giving up what you love and who you are.

Guys, I'm gay!

I knew it. You weren't drunk that night.

Hannah.

You're right.

I shouldn't turn back on who I really am.

Me, too!

Time's running out. Let's go!

Mimi…

You have the list of all the Lancer owners who work at Ernesto's school.

Chief?

What?

Tonya, Mang Berting and the captain…

Are they in hell?

Are you serious?

Yes. I asked for a sign, a white flower to be exact.

But I forgot what the sign was supposed to mean.

Maybe you should eat the flower and wait for the answer to come.

That's right…

You’re truly brilliant, Chief.

That's why I'm the Chief.

Friends, tonight we will find out who the lucky girl is.

Meanwhile let's wish our judges good luck.

They have a tough job ahead.

Do you want to win?

Yes, sir.

What's your cellphone number?

0-9-2-8…

We'll find someone.

Hey, bro, do you want to turn gay? For a fee?

What? You want a good beating?

Why don't we put this off until after the holiday?

Bro, what’s that?

Bro, look. She’s crying.

Okay, give it a try. Say this.

What’s he supposed to say?

I run a scholarship fund for girls…

You can take up any course you want to.

Okay, sir.

What do you want to be?

An engineer, sir.

An engineer? You think you can handle it?

-Are you good at math? -Yes, sir.

-Eight times four? -Six?

-Correct. -Thank you, sir.

The makeup is fantastic.

Totally.

What a fresh approach.

How daring.

Why does your perfume smell like…

Shit?

You want to win?

Okay. Go home and take a bath.

He's gay.

What are you waiting for? Use the gun!

It's not working.

It's Berting.

Berting!

Get down!

What the… Chief?

Let's go! There's too many of them!

Ouch, that hurts!

I said let go!

Remington!

-Uncle Suarez… -Bro, don’t!

It’s fake!

I swear, my son is not gay!

Help me!

Help me!

Help me!

Hannah!

Someone cursed me when I was young.

That he'd turn gay when he grew up.

It's happening.

I love you…

Nonsense!

How I wish it wasn't true…

What do we have here?

Someone’s turned… No… Oh, dear, it’s been there all along.

You hid it too well and for far too long.

Now look what you’ve done.

Oh, no!

Hey, zombading!

Let's see who's tougher.

For my town!

Come back here! Zombading!

Hannah…

listen.

I want you to remember…

I love you so much.

Please don’t forget.

Even if I've forgotten.

Remington…

Tell me.

How can we get rid of the curse?

If someone takes my place.

A straight man.

Okay. I'm in.

Really?

What do I do?

You’ll do it?

Dad…

We’re out of time, son.

You'd rather turn gay,

than have a gay son?

Remington.

I've had my swing at life.

You're life is just starting.

I want you to be happy, and to be who you really are.

Time's running out.

But what about you?

What’s wrong?

Do I stop being a father when I'm gay?

What about Mom?

She'll understand.

I…

Eduardo Felimon Martinez…

hereby agree to turn gay…

and stay gay for the rest of my life.

Remington.

Remington.

Ma'am! Ma’am! A few questions.

What can you say about recent events here in Lucban?

You can direct all your questions to her.

Chief?

Ma’am…

There's talk that what happened here was just a hoax.

It’s all too… weird.

What do you say to that?

What I can say…

I've seen a lot of weird things happen in this town.

Things that I never thought possible.

Not in my dreams.

Not even in my nightmares.

But they happened anyway.

And they are still happening.

How pretentious!

Kids,

what do you think of the famous Lucban noodles?

Delicious!

So you're all set to go?

Manila's not that far.

Right.

What if you were to move back there again?

I'm okay with being here.

It hones my patience.

In that case, I'll stay.

The high school band teacher said I could help out with the marching band.

You're frightened, aren't you?

A little bit.

Don't be. I know you can do it.

Move!

Jerk, you're ruining the moment.

Go on, play it.

Girls… double time!

A big order came in from Germany.

-Come. -Yes, dear.

Here’s my fare.

Mom, look, a homo.

She's beautiful!

When the world was still brand new…

Okay, okay, at least before the Spaniards came,

gays were not treated equally.

They were given better treatment.

They're exceptional beings, after all.

Sages. And it is said

that they could cross between worlds both visible and invisible.

They were treated like superstars.

Admired, revered, celebrated.

As in, "Bro, I hear your son is gay.

Congrats! Drinks on you!"

Hang on.

The words "bakla" or "bro" or "congrats"

didn’t exist then.

"Bakla" wasn’t in our ancestors' vocabulary.

That word’s origin is sketchy.

To be "bakla" means to be a coward,

someone who is not man enough.

As if straight people don’t get scared.

I wonder who demoted the goddesses.

The English language is kinder.

"Gay" is happy!

While here, we reduced the superstars

into a synonym for fear.

Can you blame them if they came up with their own vocabulary?

For example,

they turned the word for fear into…

Fierce.