Original subtitles

[theme music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

-[upbeat music playing] -[all] Ten, nine,

eight, seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one!

Happy New Year!

[Dave]The start of another year.

All those wishes and hopes and dreams.

All those resolutions to break.

All those hangovers to cure.

[singer] ♪ Walking on a street with some evil in my eye ♪

♪ And some thoughts in my head... ♪

[Dave] Start the year as you mean to go on, I say.

[singer]♪ In my ears was some bass ♪

♪ Was walking by my dog when I saw that sexy face ♪

♪ Come towards me With a little cheeky smile ♪

[Dave]And Jules and I had decided

we'd do just that.

Mmm. [chuckles]

So what shall we drink to?

No one getting home before dawn.

[laughs] No, seriously.

[laughs] Well, I am being serious.

No regrets you're not out there partying?

Nope.

Even dad's got a date.

-Good on him. -[laughs]

It means we've got the place to ourselves,

just like it was supposed to be, remember?

That's true.

To us.

To all of us.

Mmm.

-Oh. -Ah.

-That filling? -Ah, I know.

-Darling-- -I know, I know, I know.

-Okay. -[Dave] Hopefully,

this wasn't an omen for the year ahead

because when that fantastic machine,

your body, starts to let you down...

You doing all right, Dave?

[Dave] ...it can be painful.

[Dr. Westley] Don't need Natalie to hold your hand?

Or me perhaps?

[Dave groans]

What was that, mate?

Didn't quite catch that. Was that a yes or a no?

Just kidding, Dave.

Well, it's not looking too bad.

-Well, that's a relief. -[Dr Westley] Yeah, well,

we might even be able to save some of them.

It's been awhile since we've seen you, Dave.

Yeah. Well, you know how it is.

Time just gets away from you.

So you've got a birthday coming up?

Yeah. I won't mention it if you don't.

Yeah. Well, wait till you hit 50.

Well, that's a... that's awhile away yet.

Now, there's been a few changes in the, uh,

12 years since we last saw you.

I'm not just talking about the grey hair.

Now, you can choose what music you want to listen to.

[upbeat music playing]

Wow.

Now, will you be having the happy gas today?

-Um... -I recommend it.

Takes the edge off.

Okay then. It's good.

All I need now is a beer and it could actually

be quite a happy experience.

Don't speak too soon.

[machine whirring]

[Julie] All I'm saying is if we all club together,

we could buy your dad something big.

Yeah, well, what about a party?

-We always have a party. -No. Absolute orders.

That's what they all say.

Yeah, exactly. No one ever means it.

[Julie] No, well, your dad's got to that

-"I don't want a fuss" stage. -Oh, that,

that old and boring stage.

You guys didn't even go out for New Year's Eve.

Rachel, what do you think?

[Rachel inhales]

-Rachel! -[Rachel inhales]

I think we do whatever we can to make sure

it's a fantastic day for dad.

Whatever pill she's on, I want one.

[Ben] Come on, mum. It's dad's birthday.

He's not ready for the scrap heap yet.

Oh, all right. A party.

A surprise party but... And a present.

-So how much are you good for? -Oh,

I can't go higher than 20.

-Oh. -[Ben] Come to think of it,

-15. -[Julie] Oh. [laughs]

Last of the big time spenders.

Money is not what's going to make you happy, Ben.

Yeah, but making a complete dick of yourself

in the backyard, that will?

What is this? Some sort of New Year's health gig?

[Rachel inhales]

It won't last.

[sighs]

I can't believe how painless that was.

I can't believe I'm about to say this.

That was almost...

-[Dr Westley] Enjoyable? -Yeah.

Why did I put it off all these years?

In a way, Dave, you were lucky you lost that filling.

We were able to fill the cavity

before the nerve was exposed.

That would've been very nasty.

So otherwise all good?

Yeah, everything's looking, uh, pretty good.

So, in other words, I can wait another 12 years

till I see you again.

Not that I would of course,

now I know how painless it is.

We are going to need to see you again, I'm afraid.

Now your teeth are fine, but those amalgam fillings,

they're very close to the end of their natural life.

They're almost as old as you, Dave,

and they're aging even worse. [laughs]

Right.

Right. So, uh, so we need to replace them?

-All of them? -I'm afraid so.

Now, you've got two options.

Porcelain or composite. Your choice.

How much is this going to cost?

-Well... -Couple of hundred?

$6,000?

[Dave] And before you say it's because I haven't been

to the dentist for 12 years, it's not that reason.

Nothing lasts forever. That's the moral to this tale.

Yeah, especially not a nest egg, it seems.

-Not around this place. -I told him I said...I said,

why don't we just wait till the next filling drops out.

We can replace them one by one.

Yeah, and what was the response to that?

Not good. The fillings stop decay,

-apparently. -Yeah. So, you have

-to get them done then. -[Dave] Six grand, Jules.

We still haven't got the bill from the plumber last week.

God knows how much that's going to set us back.

[Julie] Ah, what was it that you were saying this morning

to Ben about money can't buy you happiness?

It can't. Not even a little bit.

Your father's teeth are going to cost $6,000.

[sighs] Well, it can't make you happy,

but I guess it can come in handy from time to time.

Well, that's a nice birthday surprise.

Sorry. Thought it was just the number

we weren't allowed to mention.

You know, you two should sign up for yoga.

It's great for reducing stress

and the anti-ageing benefits

are meant to be extraordinary.

One more word and you're out of the will.

Slightly empty threat, darling.

One third of nothing's still nothing.

Mum, you could do with it more than anyone.

You should come to a class.

Honestly, it is the only time my mind feels

completely free of all the stress and...

You know what? I'll take you up on that.

Let me know next time you're going.

I'll see if Chrissy wants to come as well.

Good decision.

And it'd be good for your back too.

You said it's been giving you grief lately.

True.

You got a bad back?

Yeah, why?

It's not yoga you need.

[Julie] Mm.

Oh.

[Dave] How does that feel?

Oh, it's getting there.

Ask me again in half an hour.

You've got some time on your hands, do you?

Well actually it's your hands, darling, not mine.

And they're doing a particularly good job.

Ow.

Ow! Ow!

Sorry.

Mm.

Getting there.

Maybe you should... close the door.

[knocks on door]

[Warney] Davo!

-Is that Warney? -No.

-[Warney] Davo! -[gasps]

[Warney] Your old mate Warney.

Oh god. What's he doing here?

Quick, close the blinds. He'll see in.

There you are. Knew you were here.

The van's there. G'day, Jules.

[Julie] [groans] Just ignore him.

He's kind of killed the mood, don't you think?

[knocks on door]

-[Warney] Come on, mate. -[Dave] Yes, yes.

Finally. What kept you?

Mate, have I got an offer for you.

What's going on here, eh?

Bit of an afternoon delight, eh?

-What do you want? -You dirty dog.

-[laughs] -Warney, what do you...

Your body, like anything in life,

needs looking after, working at,

like relationships.

[Warney] Now I get a call from a mate of mine

last week, right. He owns a warehouse.

It turns out the whole place needs rewiring.

[whistles]

Yeah, why don't you focus on something

other than my daughter's backside.

It's okay, I'm out of here.

Sorry, Rachel, I...

Sorry, Dave. [clears throat]

So, anyway, I told him I'll be able to help him out,

you know, on the weekends, in my spare time.

So this job's not going through Barrett's?

Dave, it's worth a lot of money.

A couple of grand each.

Why the hell would I let Barrett's get in on it?

Well, because, contractually, I'm not sure

whether you're allowed to do any moonlighting.

Well, what Ronny-boy doesn't know won't hurt him,

will it?

So any reason why you thought I needed to know this?

Geez, you're a funny bastard sometimes, Dave.

What do you want me to spell it out to you?

I can't do it on my own and I don't want to use

anyone from Barrett's, so...

you're the lucky winner.

So what do you reckon? Do you want to do it? Hmm?

[laughs] I don't even know why we're talking about this.

I know Warney can be a bit of a pain.

It's only a couple of weekends.

-Where's the harm in that? -Well, all work

and no play for a start. What about cricket?

Look, I would miss cricket, but, you know,

something's got to give. We're talking about six grand

-worth of fillings here. -Oh, he's not going to pay you

anywhere near that much. And there'll be a catch.

With Warney, there always is.

And what...and what happens if Ron finds out?

What's that going to mean for me?

Well, you're not the one running around

-behind his back. -It's guilt by association

and it's not worth it.

You know, you know Warney wasn't even at work today?

Probably chucked a sickie so he could go

and line up this deal with his mate of his.

[sighs] Yup, you're right.

There's not enough cash in the world to make up

for all that one-on-one time with Warney.

-Ha! Exactly. -I'll call him in the morning.

-Good. -First thing.

-Great. -Yeah.

-Just wouldn't work. -[laughs]

[Dave] It still didn't solve the problem.

I still had to find the money.

Money.

The root of all evil.

As another member of the family

was about to find out.

[glass shattering]

[Sammy moans]

We should take this inside before Mrs Wickham

across the road has a heart attack.

-Sam, Mrs Wickham's 95% blind. -[laughs]

-[car horn honks] -Oh. Is she 95% deaf?

-Oh. -[laughs]

We should've stopped somewhere on the way home.

You are such a teenager.

Sam, I'm so sick of this.

I feel like I'm a scientologist,

I'm having sex and can't make any noise.

I think that's only when they're giving birth.

I don't care.

Remember how it used to be when we had our own apartment?

I know. Back then,

we didn't really care if the neighbors heard us.

I didn't have to face them over my Corn Flakes

the next morning, did I?

Come on, let's just go in.

Hey,

Mrs Wickham can't be that deaf.

She's called the cops!

That's Ben.

What?

It's Ben! Come on.

I hope everything's okay.

Thanks.

Are you all right, mate?

Yeah, yeah.

I'll tell you tomorrow.

[door closes]

[man] And the other thing that's happened here...

[Carbo] Ben, what time is it?

It's late.

Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.

You're so late. I was starting to worry.

Yeah, there was a hold up at the club.

These guys, they broke in and robbed the joint.

So I had to call the boss and the cops,

and make a statement, all of that.

Are you all right? Did they hurt you?

Did they have any weapons?

-Yeah, they had a shotgun. -Oh my god.

Did you try and take them out?

-Carbo. -No.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm just a bit tired, that's all.

You don't know if the gun was loaded.

You could have broken a bottle.

That's what you should've done,

break a bottle and use it as your weapon.

Or better still just give them the money

because that can always be replaced.

Guys, I'm shattered. I'm just...

-I'm just going to go to bed. -Are you...

-are you sure you're okay? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sweet. Just tired, that's all.

[dramatic music playing]

[Dave] Sometimes your body can let you down

in ways you would never anticipate.

[singer] ♪ I feel the weight of the world ♪

♪ Like it's bearing down ♪

♪ And I hardly sleep 'Cause there's so much ♪

♪ To worry about ♪

[Dave] Fear and humiliation

bring their own kind of pain.

[singer] ♪ With everyone Looking for something ♪

♪ To pin their hopes on ♪

[hoodlum #1] Get down! Get down on the ground!

Get down! Get down! Get down on the ground!

[singer]♪ ...The signal to run ♪

[hoodlum #2] Where's the key? Where's the key to the till?

-[hoodlum #1] Where's the key? -It's in the drawer.

-[hoodlum #2] Where? -It's in the drawer!

[hoodlum #1] It's in the drawer!

[singer] ♪ And what should I run from ♪

♪ When everything, Everything's crazy ♪

♪ Who's gonna save me ♪

♪ Who's gonna save me ♪

♪ When it's too late For heroes ♪

♪ And the world Has gone crazy ♪

♪ Who's gonna save me ♪

♪ When it's too late For heroes ♪

♪ When it's too late ♪

♪ When it's too late ♪

♪ When it's too late ♪

♪ Who's gonna save me ♪

♪ Who's gonna save me ♪

♪ When it's too late For heroes ♪

♪ And the world Has gone crazy? ♪

♪ Who's gonna save me ♪

♪ When it's too late For heroes? ♪

[mellow music playing]

[knocks on door]

-Morning. -Hey.

I missed you last night.

I need a cuddle.

You came to the right place.

[Dave] The pain that's really hard to medicate

is the bill you've braced yourself for

but badly underestimated.

-$3,000! -What?

The plumber for the pipes.

-Three thousand. Dollars. -Well, what did they do?

Unblock them and line them with gold?

[Dave] Well, it was a couple of days before Christmas.

I knew it was going to be a grand, easy, but this...

this is crazy. I'm not going to pay this.

[Julie] Oh, great. So, so what?

We're suing? Letting them sue us?

How much is that going to cost?

There's no way I can get my teeth fixed now.

No, no great. You know, just run the risk

-of losing them all. Perfect. -[Dave] No, I'll just...

learn how to gum my food, eat lots of soup.

You know, we can't afford this.

We just don't' have it.

Unless, uh...

No. Not Warney. Don't even go there.

Look, I know he's a prized pain in the bum,

but if I just do the job, make the sacrifice,

at least I can pay off the pipes.

[Julie] Right, yeah, and what price sanity? Hm?

[Nathan] Hey, has anyone heard from Ben?

Do we know what the charges are yet?

What?

What are you talking about?

Oh, we saw him get dropped home

in a police car last night.

It's no big deal.

Ben, you could've been killed.

You sure you're all right, mate?

[Julie] Look, listen, if that sort of thing

happens again, you know to give them the money,

-don't you? -Yes.

Are you sure you're all right?

How many times? Yes.

It was a bit of a scare, but that's all.

They won't be back.

You sure about that?

The manager's putting on extra security.

Well, has the manager organized counseling?

Oh, mum, get real.

I think it's a really good idea.

Look, there's no shame in admitting you were shaken up.

I know that. And I already said yes,

last night I was a bit freaked out.

But I don't need you guys bringing out

the white coats, seriously.

You're going to take a few days off,

though, aren't you?

Mum, you're not listening to me.

They're putting on extra security.

It won't happen again.

And right now, to be completely honest,

I think there's something way more disturbing

we need to talk about. What's going on here?

-Seriously. -[Julie] Oh, what?

-[Ben] Hey? Teletubby. -What?

[Julie] It's my yoga outfit!

I'm not a teletubby.

-A little bit. -[Julie] Oh, stop it!

[Melissa] I still think you should take the day off.

[Ben] What do you think's going to happen?

-Nothing. -They've hired...

Hired security, yeah, I know.

I just think you need to give yourself a break.

You're probably still in shock.

-I'm fine. -Yeah, even if you don't

-realise it yet. -Because sometimes

-it sneaks up on you. -[Melissa] Yes.

Yeah, I heard it all from the police.

Stop stressing out.

See you tonight.

Bye-bye.

[mellow music playing]

[Chrissy] You know, this was a good idea, Jules.

Bit of exercise before I plunge into the office.

[Julie] Oh, what?

Ron's got you working on a Saturday?

[Chrissy] Mm. No rest for the wicked.

[Julie] Yeah.

[laughs] Oh.

[Chrissy] Oh, wow.

Spread the word to any guys out there.

If you want to pick up, this'd be the place to do it.

[Julie laughs]

I guess we're up the back.

It's like high school, teacher's pets up the front.

You'd think they'd grow out of it.

-Hi, darling. -[Chrissy] Hi, Rachel.

Good morning.

-[all] Good morning. -[Vishnu] Welcome.

Suddenly becoming very clear.

[Chrissy] Oh, I think I just found my new religion.

Hey, watch this. Flying squirrel.

[Chrissy laughs]

[clears throat]

-[Chrissy snorts] -[Julie laughs]

[Dave] Warney, come in.

Thanks for coming around.

Yeah, well, cricket starts in half an hour

so better make it quick.

Yeah, I'm playing too.

[Warney] Yeah, well, I hope you score

better than last week. I heard you guys

had relegation danger. Three from the bottom.

[Dave] Oh, we're doing all right. Anyway--

Yeah, there would've been plenty of time to talk

if you had have taken that job at the warehouse,

but it's obviously not something

-you're interested so... -Actually, it is.

That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

I've, uh, I've changed my mind.

Oh, but, uh, you said no way.

Well, I hadn't thought it through and...

Yeah, well, you said it wouldn't work.

Well, I've had a bit of a rethink

and, yeah, if the... if the job's still there,

I'd really like to take it.

Oh, you would, would you?

Yeah, unless of course you've already offered it

to somebody else. I'm sorry to stuff you around.

I've just had a few things on my mind recently,

that's all.

Hm.

Well, what are you doing this afternoon?

Oh, you want to start today?

No, no, no next week but I'm having a few drinks

at the Boat Club after the game,

so meet me there about 4:00 and we'll see

if we can sort something out.

Can't we just sort it out now?

Well, I gave you the opportunity

to take the job before and you didn't want to do it,

so I've just got to make sure

you're serious about this or not.

I mean, I don't want a partner

who's going to let me down.

No, I won't let you down, I promise.

Well, that's good. 4:00, see you then.

[Vishnu] And inhale breathing,

drop your belly down,

stick your buttocks high up in the air,

chest up, chin up, looking up.

Fill your lungs with air and exhale breathing.

Tuck your pelvis under, squeeze your stomach,

chin to the chest.

That's right, up there.

Chin all the way to the chest.

And squeezing the air out of the lungs,

that's right. Looking good.

[Chrissy] Excuse me, Vishnu.

Am I even close to doing this right?

[Vishnu] Inhale.

Arch the back, buttocks high up in the air,

that's right.

Chin up, head up, looking up,

breathe in, you're doing really well.

Keep it up.

Remember to try and keep your hands

pressing into the floor, connecting with the earth.

That's right. And third breath.

[farts]

[Dave]Your body can let you down.

[Julie laughs]

Welcome to the class, ladies.

I'll turn the fans on, shall I?

[Julie] It wasn't me. It was her.

[Chrissy] Oh, shut up.

[Dave] And so can your mother's best friend.

[Julie] It was her.

[Rachel] I wouldn't have invited you two

if I'd known you weren't going to take it seriously.

[Julie] Oh, come on, Rachel.

Where's your sense of humor?

Vishnu thought it was funny.

Yeah, well, it's his job to make

his students feel comfortable,

even if they are farting like six-year-olds,

all in the name of fun.

Oh, yeah, all right, Rachel.

So next time Chrissy will remember

-to lay off the baked beans. -[Rachel] You see?

It's all just a big joke to you two.

There are other people in there

trying to take the practice seriously.

Oh, please, like that class

is all about spiritual fulfillment

and nothing whatsoever to do

with the incredibly good looking instructor?

Oh, please don't bring me down to your level.

Oh, Rachel. All right, no, listen, I'm...

Okay, I'm sorry. All right?

But I promise you, Chrissy and I were there

for the right reasons, mind and body.

[laughs]

Rachel...

-Oh, well, it's just a... -Oh, no, don't worry.

Come on, I'll give you a lift.

[indistinct chatter]

Bit of a quiet afternoon by the looks of things.

You here to check up on me?

No, I'm here to have a beer with a mate.

Well, uh, Warney actually, so not really a mate.

But since I am here and since you brought it up,

how are things going?

Ah, don't worry, it's sweet.

Good luck to anyone that reckons

they can get past that guy.

[Dave] Yeah, he's his own postcode.

Do you want a beer? It's on the house.

No, it's all right. See you in a minute.

[laughter]

-[Dave] Hey. -[Warney] Davo!

How are you going, mate? Good to see you.

Glad you could make it. You know the boys,

Tiggs, Vando, Chris, and Dazza.

[Dave] Yeah, g'day. How's it going?

Uh, you know, about that job

have you had much time to think about

whether you and I can do it together or...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll talk about that.

We've got plenty of time to talk about that, mate.

Don't worry about it.

In fact, I think it might be your shout.

What do you reckon? Boys?

-Davo's shout? -[all] Yeah.

[Warney] Your shout, Davo. Schooner, thanks mate.

[man] I'll have another one of these, thanks.

[Warney] Yeah, thanks for that.

Hey? How's his luck?

He's just walked in with a shout.

[laughter]

So, anyway, I pulled into the petrol station,

this is that day I'd gone six for 20,

you know, so it was a good day. I was feeling.

I knew something good was going to happen.

And, anyway, I put the petrol in,

gone inside, standing there waiting

to pay for the petrol,

and who's the bloody boofhead

standing right there in front of me?

Oh, I'm sorry, Dave. I'm not boring you, am I?

Sorry, mate. I've just got to head off soon

and we still haven't talked about the job yet.

So I'm sitting here telling you about

one of the most important days of my life...

Well, all we know so far

is that you were at a petrol station.

Yeah, where Shane Warne was in front of me

in the queue asking for the key to go to the mens!

[Dave] Oh, right. Oh, well, we didn't know that part.

So you got to meet him, did you?

Dave, forget it, mate.

You know, if I didn't know any better,

I'd just think that maybe I was a meal ticket to you.

I mean, you want me to do you a favor,

you want me to take on this job for you,

but, you know, I mean, you don't even have

the decency to listen to my bloody story.

Well, uh, maybe I should get us another round.

Yeah, I think that's the least you could do.

What do you reckon? Another round?

Another round, Davo. Thanks, mate.

So, anyway, I had a chat with him around the corner.

He's a lovely bloke.

[phone rings]

-Yeah, hello. -Hi, Jules.

Uh, look I, I'm going to be down here a little bit longer.

Oh. Uh, no, that's okay.

So you'll be, what? Another hour or so?

Well, I don't know.

Warney's in no mood to be rushed.

[Julie]Oh, well, that's fine.

You're not cranky?

No, why would I be?

You're having a drink with a friend.

No. I'm here under duress with Warney and I promised

I wouldn't be too much longer.

[Julie] Oh, well, no hurry.

I'll see you when you get home.

-Bye, darling. -Bye.

Um, Dad, I've got to pop to the shop

to get some eggs for the cake,

so could you sift some flour for me, please?

That's what gives it the flick and then it jumps up and...

-There you go, boys. -Hey, all right.

-Thanks, mate. -There you go.

I reckon Jules might be up to something.

What? Jules? No way.

What, you think she's got a bit on the side?

No, I reckon she might be organizing me

a birthday party.

Oh, right, it's your birthday.

Mate, why didn't you just say so?

Next round's on me. Happy birthday, Dave.

-[man] Happy birthday! -[Warney] Happy birthday!

[laughs] Hey.

♪ For he's a jolly Good fellow ♪

[all] ♪ For he's a jolly Good fellow ♪

[mellow music playing]

[farts]

-[knocks on door] -[Carbo] Chrissy.

Hello? It's me.

Carbo?

What are you doing here?

Well, uh, let me in and I'll tell you.

Okay. Um, just hang on a sec.

[Carbo] Chrissy, hurry up.

I've got a surprise for you.

-Chrissy? -Yeah, hang on.

What are you doing?

You got someone in here, have you?

-No. -Some sort of office romance

-I should know about? -No.

Good. These are for you.

Carbo, they're beautiful. Thank you.

Oh, you've got to stop doing this.

Oh, I haven't done this before.

Delivered them in person.

Oh, I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything.

It's my New Year's Resolution.

To be more romantic.

And I figured if you've got to work on the weekend,

flowers are the last I could do.

-Pretty good, eh? -They're wonderful.

Thank you. Truly.

-I'll go and find a vase. -Okay.

[playful music playing]

[Julie] Oh. Uh, so you've taken over

making your dad's cake, have you?

Mmm-hmm.

Don't blame me, I was ambushed.

Right. Okay.

Yes, and I don't need eggs because it's a vegan recipe.

Vegan, eh?

Your dad will be stoked.

Right. So what's going to bind it together?

Oh, no sugar either?

It's sweetened with fruit juice

and I'm using rice flour

and icing is just some yoghurt and some honey.

Right. So nothing vaguely resembling chocolate?

-Your dad's favorite. -No, but I promise

it will be delicious.

I thought you weren't going to talk to me again

after this morning.

Yeah, well, staying mad at someone

-is just a waste of energy. -Right.

Are you sure you don't need something to bind the...

-Mum. -Okay. I was just...

Hey, you know, if Chrissy paid a little bit

more attention to her diet and what she ate,

she might not have such a problem with her gas.

Oh. Well, I'll make sure she knows that

before the next class.

Yeah, but you're not coming again.

Yeah, I am so.

We paid upfront for six classes.

-Oh, mum... -No, it's okay.

Rachel, next time we'll behave.

No, you know what?

If you're not going to take it seriously,

it's not fair on everyone else.

Excuse me. Oh, seriously?

I'm not going to take it seriously?

Do you know how serious I can be.

[Rachel] What are you doing?

Yeah. What are you doing?

Well, if Rachel's taking over the cake making duties,

I've got some time on my hands.

So I'll just show you how serious.

There's the downward dog.

You cannot just throw yourself into it, mum.

-It's meant to be fluid and... -[Julie] Oh, god.

Ow. Oh, I think... Oh, I can't...

-Mum? -Jules?

Oh, I don't think I can...

I don't think I can get up.

-[Ted] Jules? -[Rachel] Mum?

-Dad, can you just... Oh! -Oh.

-[Rachel] Mum? -Oh! Ow!

[Rachel] Oh, careful. Hold it. Is it...

-Where is it? Where is it? -I just... I don't know.

-It's my back. -Everywhere?

Oi, state secrets. Hands off.

I won't be much longer, I promise.

Just looking. Haven't really checked out

-where you worked before. -Well, as you can see,

it's nothing much to write home about.

It's part of you, you know? Where you work.

-I like it. -Yeah, well,

some of us have work to do.

Just like other things are a part of you.

Your perfume, maybe some other smells.

-I knew you'd smelt it. -Well, it's hard not to.

Well, why didn't you just ignore it?

-Because it's funny. -It's not funny to me.

Everybody farts. It's human.

It's private.

Well, if you can fart in front of someone,

it means you're really getting to know them.

I think we're moving to the next level.

You know?

[indistinct chatter]

[crashes]

Guys, guys keep it down

or you're out of here, all right?

Yeah, yeah, big joke.

Try it again and you can answer to him.

You'll be right here for the rest of the night?

Dad, you're the one having the hard time

stringing two words together.

I'm not drunk.

Oh, well, yeah, maybe I am a little bit drunk.

Bloody Warney's found out it's my birthday

and now he just keeps supplying me with alcohol.

Here he is. Here he is.

Righto, Dave, come on. Just me and you now, mate.

-No, no, mate. We... -Let's hit the frog, come on.

We haven't even talked about the job yet.

No, no, no, no, no, don't worry about it.

Come on, the night is young.

I've got it all under control.

It's your birthday.

[upbeat music playing]

[whistling]

[Dave] Julie warned me there'd be a catch.

I just didn't realize her name was Tiffany

and she'd come dressed in hot pants.

[Warney] Hey, how's it going?

Oh. Dave.

[upbeat music playing]

[whistles]

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

[upbeat music playing]

All right! Now, Dave...

take your pick. Okay, we've got Kylie here.

All right, now I know she hasn't got much up there,

but, you know, what do you reckon?

Oh, I don't want a lap dance. All right?

-I don't want a lap dance. -What are you talking about?

-It's your birthday. -Jules would kill me.

No, don't worry about Jules.

What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

It doesn't matter, mate.

Look, now over there we've got Angelique.

Now she's okay but my favorite...

My personal favorite is Tiffany.

She's...

Hey.

Oi!

Warney, no. Warney.

-Oi! -Leave it alone, mate.

-Hey, hey, Warney, Warney. -Oh, you loser.

Mate, that's a lady. Giver her her own space.

Mate, mind your business, all right?

Yeah? Well, maybe I don't want to.

[indistinct chatter]

It's my birthday!

[buzzer buzzes]

[laughs]

-Oh, I'm sorry... -Thank God.

But the next time you give me a lecture

about behaving myself...

-[Dave] I'm sorry. -Oh.

Are you all right?

No, darling, I'm practically crippled.

I wasn't going to miss this.

Please, just get me out of here, please.

First things first, husband dear,

the lovely policeman said something about a strip club.

We're dying to hear that story.

[Dave] And just as I'd been trapped

by lack of will power and way too many beers...

There you go, mate. All yours.

-Cheers. -[Dave] ...Ben was trapped

by his refusal to accept

that things were anything other

than back to normal.

[man] Come on, mate. Let us in. Come on.

[indistinct chatter]

[man] Come on, mate. Let us into the pub.

Get out of here now! Before I call the cops!

[man] Yeah, mate. Come on.

[indistinct chatter]

[dramatic music playing]

[singer] ♪ In the news ♪

♪ They sing the blues ♪

♪ Winners win ♪

♪ And losers lose ♪

♪ Hold your head up ♪

♪ Present your chin ♪

♪ Prepare yourself ♪

♪ To take it in ♪

♪ It's the same day ♪

♪ Happening again ♪

[man] Get down! Get down!

Where's the key to the till? Where's the key?

-It's in the drawer. -Where?

-It's in the drawer! -[man] In the drawer!

Got it!

Hey, check it out.

He's pissed himself!

Are you scared, mate? You should be!

Give me your hands. Hands, hands, hands, hands.

[singer] ♪ All my cares ♪

♪ And all my woes ♪

Come on, come on, come on!

Listen up, mate.

We know where you work,

we can find out where you live.

You understand me?

Do not call the cops!

[singer] ♪ Happening again ♪

♪ Give them over ♪

♪ Give them over ♪

♪ Let 'em go ♪

Ben, it's Melissa. Where are you?

Yeah, hi, are you still open?

So is Ben Rafter still there?

-He's in there. -Thank you.

Ben, it's me.

You okay?

I was worried.

It's all right to be scared.

You've just got to talk about this.

And I'm here for you.

No one is going to judge you or think bad of you...

No, I just freaked out.

-It's crazy. -You've suffered trauma.

It's completely understandable.

Come on. Let's get you home.

[dramatic music playing]

Why am I being like this?

Why can't I just control it?

Because logic and emotion are two different things.

Look, I know everyone's banging on about counseling,

but can I tell you why it's a good idea?

Because it's a reassurance that you're not crazy.

Can you please just promise me you'll think about it?

I pissed myself.

Last night when they attacked me,

I just couldn't control it.

I just couldn't help it.

I sort of guessed something like that might've happened.

It could've been worse, I suppose.

It could've been a number two situation

and then we would've had a really serious

chafing issue on our hands.

I think you should stop doing that.

I think you should stop making jokes.

They're never funny, are they?

It's not a joke.

And you shouldn't feel like

you have to make fun of yourself.

Well, it's not exactly normal, is it?

For someone my age to wet themselves.

Actually, depending on the circumstances, it is.

When people have seizures, it happens.

When people are scared, it happens.

It happens for lots of reasons,

and it is not a big deal.

It is just a natural body response.

Oh, you must've been so scared.

It feels better to have talked about it.

I resist the urge to say I told you so.

[dramatic music playing]

I love you, Melissa.

[Dave] Yes, our bodies can let us down.

Given the damage we inflict on ourselves sometimes,

it's amazing they keep going as long as they do.

That's where pain comes in,

to remind you to think twice

before going there again.

Oh, my God.

I just had a really bad dream.

I dreamt that I was in jail with Warney

and just before that... just before that

he finally agreed that he'd work with me.

Oh, my God.

You forgot the bit about the pole dancers.

Bar room brawl. Police cell.

-Oh. -It's all right.

We'll just call it a birthday meltdown.

Birthday...

Oh my God. It's my birthday.

Hmm.

[groans]

Ow!

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Ben.

What time is it?

Late. I thought you should sleep in a bit.

Hey, it's your dad's birthday.

We're going to be late.

Just for a minute.

You're beautiful.

I'm so lucky.

And don't think I'll ever let you forget it.

Come on. We've got to get ready.

[Dave] Denial.

We know the truth of what's going on,

but we're just too scared to confront it.

But sooner or later, there's nowhere to run.

Nowhere to hide.

[laughter]

Okay, well, firstly, I'd like to thank you all

for abiding by my wishing. No cake, no party, no fuss.

Come on. Everybody who always says that, nobody means it.

[Dave] Yeah, well, thanks to you all

for coming to my 21st birthday party.

And you may laugh at that, but the way that my head's

feeling right now, uh, it takes me right back.

Well, the zucchini and brown patties are ready

in case anyone's interested.

[Nathan] Rach, they actually look like vegetarians.

They're all pale and boring.

[Julie] Okay, all right, you two.

You could just... You know, your dad's making a speech.

Darling, could you just hurry it up 'cause my back's...

I can't sit for much longer.

Here's to dad. Happy birthday.

[all] Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, darling.

By the way, just so you know,

there is no sugar,

no eggs, no dairy.

Nothing to push up your cholesterol.

No taste. I told her it was boring.

[Dave] And maybe I was too.

Maybe this is what life was going to be from now on.

Bland and dry and thoroughly tasteless.

All right, go on, Dad. Make a wish.

[Julie] Yes!

[all] Yay!

[indistinct chatter]

Davo, g'day.

Oh, please tell me you didn't wish for that.

Afternoon. Put it here, partner.

Eh? Oh, party time.

Just in time.

So you and Warney,

partners not only in crime, it seems.

What've you got us into?

You know, Jules, at this age you've got to do

whatever it takes to make life a little bit more interesting.

Ah, yes, well, that's my thoughts exactly.

You really reckon that's going to help?

Can't make it taste any worse.

Mmm. You might be onto something.

You know, just because you reach a certain age,

it doesn't mean life has to be dull,

because I, Dave Rafter,

promise to always be the cream on your cake.

Oh god, how long did it take you

-to come up with that one? -Oh, shut up.

I'm on muscle relaxants.

You're lucky I can talk at all.

Oh, no, Jules, don't.

Look, I'm not interested in that stuff at the moment.

[Julie] No, don't! Ow, my back!

Dad! Aaah!

Dad, dad, dad, dad!

Dad, Rachel's lactose intolerant.

You are in so much trouble, Nathan!

Ow! Oh god.

-Come on. -It's not fair.

Sometimes you've just got to smile through the pain.

[laughs] Dave. Oh.

-Am I all right? -Yeah, that's... [laughs]

[upbeat music playing]

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