Original subtitles

You shoudn't have run, Ankit.

Woke up?

Good you woke up by yourself.

I didn't want to wake you up.

You were dreaming, weren't you?

Just wait, your dream will definitely come true.

I hope not.

Why did you want to wake me up?

To show you a trick. Wait.

If you're wearing an underwear, then it must be brown in colour.

With 5 holes.

Out of which, two of them are big. Elliptical.

Surprised?

Hey, don't be scared.

It's not some magical superpower, Just pure logic.

You must be dying to know what the logic is.

Then listen.

Your blue, green, grey and red underwear is right here.

So which one would you be wearing? Obviously the brown one.

And what about the holes?

You change in the room every day.

And my memory is photographic.

Once I see it, I never forget.

This is how I am.

But you can look somewhere else, right?

Huh?

I mean I admit we're roommates, but this is a little inappropriate.

Sorry.

Why do you keep counting my underwears?

I'll give you a gift through SWOT analysis.

Something useful to you.

So I went with this.

But I can't decide the colour.

How about baby pink?

But why do you want to give me a gift?

Because day after tomorrow is your birthday.

Just because we've discussed, doesn't mean you don't act surprised.

Do it like this.

One second.

- My birthday? - Yes.

Who told you that today it's my birthday?

I checked it on FB.

- 19th October. - Not possible.

- Nonsense! - My birthday is on 1st January.

Check it.

I have a photographic memory.

I was so sure.

I even imagined you in baby pink.

How can my photographic memory deceive me?

Show me your ID card?

ID card? Actually...

I could've shown you but it's in the library.

Yes.

And are you doubting me?

I mean...why would I hide my own birthday.

In fact, why will anyone hide his first birthday in college?

"I am on my way."

"Yes I am on my way."

There's a professor in every department...

...whose wife has eloped with his student.

And you should never take up the courses they offer...

...because they give you pathetic grades.

But sir, what's harm in that?

But finally she is still in the department.

- This college is filled with assholes. - You're right.

People in my village are more open-minded.

'People, come to Kamatipura Wing. Lolly's GPL s going to begin.'

'Those who love Lolly must leave now. Leave now.'

'And those who hate it, please run.'

'Because you are more in numbers, and only one ass...'

'...which is divided in the middle.'

'Please don't forget to bring your own weapon.'

Now, you understood why I wasn't paying for my food?

Son Govardhan, didn't you hear that people are coming.

What are you doing? Keep the new ones. The costly ones.

And listen, even if they order for tea...

...don't forget to ask for extra cheese.

Everyone is going to say yes. Now everyone get back to work.

Look, please don't judge us. This is our tradition.

Every place has its own unique tradition...

...and only people that belong to that place understand and abide by it.

Like Tomatina in Spain.

Halloween in America.

Arranged marriages in India.

Similarly, GPL happens in hostels.

By hearing the term GPL you must be thinking...

...that it's an abbreviation for something...

...sophisticated like Gross Product Limited.

But no, it means "Gaand Pe Laat" (Kick your ass).

That's it. Simple.

'Lolly's going to get screwed.'

'And he deserves it too.'

'He's the topper and has a girlfriend.'

'You can't expect people to come empty-handed...'

'...on such a great man's birthday.'

'Some will carry slippers, some Action, and some will make use of their hand.'

'But the most trusted weapon of choice is Slipper.'

'The scared prey keeps requesting, makes excuses, fights until the end.'

'But once he's lifted up in the air...'

- '...he accepts his fate.' - Lolly. Lolly.

- Lolly... Lolly... - 'At the stroke of the midnight hour...'

'...when the whole world sleeps...'

- '...these animals start their GPL.' - Lolly... Lolly...

- 'But first...' - Search him.

Look.

This is how he was saving his pride.

Lolly! Lolly! Lolly!

'And with the strike of the first slipper...the silence prevails.'

'It's called the realization of pain.'

'Then the second strike on the second ass cheek.'

'This is called LHS is equal to RHS.'

'And followed by a number of strikes squaring both the sides.'

'Even if he's crying, requesting, or begging, they're not going to stop.'

'These things happen only with students, or with B-grade heroines.'

'Just like police interrogation...

...here too the person confesses to anything.'

My mother is blind, my sister is a negro.

- I am gay. Have mercy on me. - Shut up asshole.

'GPL finally ends once the victim's ass becomes redder than a baboon's, or...'

'But these so called friends who are like snakes, don't leave you so easily.'

Well, how about a treat now?

Treat. Treat. Treat. Treat. Treat.

Treat. Treat. Treat. Treat. Treat.

I don't know about schools.

But birthdays in hostels are totally ass-whacking.

The amateurs wear towels inside their pants.

And studs wear 4 to 5 underwears.

But legends disappear from the hostel on their birthdays.

I am telling you he is lying.

No, that asshole was telling the truth.

1st January is the default birthday on FB.

And he changed it to that.

I am talking about the gift, not the date.

Why do we have to give him a gift?

- But... - Are you from girl's school?

Later, you'll say we must give him a greeting card as well.

Who gives greeting cards? Nonsense.

- Look Jaat, balloon. - Throw it.

It's for Ankit's party...

So...what brings you two here?

He's been bothering me since last night.

Please explain to him.

He thinks that tonight it's Ankit's birthday...

...but he changed the date...

...from 19th October to 1st January on FB to hide from us.

Now you explain to him.

Do you have any evidence?

1st January is the default birthday on FB.

He changed it to that.

You don't believe me, do you?

Wait. Look.

Ankit's email ID. 'ankit.pa1910@gmail.com'

Why will he write 1910 after Ankit Pa? Why?

19th October, it's his birth date.

Maybe he misspelled Pandey.

Who does that?

But why will he write numbers?

You don't believe me either.

I swear on the end semesters...

...he's definitely hiding something.

Okay, wait.

When I asked him for his ID card...

...he said he went to the library and left it there.

- Balls. - He's lying.

This evidence should've been submitted earlier.

Yes. He's lying to his own wingmates. Where is he?

- Pandey, you bloody... - Bro. He isn't here since morning.

Yes. It's the first saturday where he hasn't slept till the afternoon.

Where did he go on a holiday?

Don't know.

What are you doing here?

- Magazines? - Yes.

But it's in the counter which is downstairs.

But how would you know it.

Yeah, I don't come here as frequently as you.

I am sure the staff here treats you pretty well now.

Haha...so funny.

I would've replied, but since it's your birthday, I spared you.

Whose birthday? Is it your birthday?

Happy birthday! Because it's not my birthday. You can check it on FB.

I've seen it many times. 19th October.

But you changed it two days back, right?

Why?

Well...

Why do you stalk me?

Hello...it's not stalking when girls do it.

- I see. - It's a research.

By the way, why did you change your birthday?

- Actually... - To hide your age?

But why will someone lie to hide their age...

Tell me honestly, you're from a girl's school, aren't you?

You used to play stapu in the lunch break, right?

At least I am thinking. Nonsense.

I know why he lied.

The reason is the way you guys celebrate birthdays here.

He's also from a small town like me.

Back home, people remember birthdays of their calves...

...but not their own children.

If you ever ask them about my birth date.

They will say when Shishpal was shot for the 3rd time

In villages, they don't celebrate birthdays with pomp and show.

And here, everyone wants a treat.

The entire wing, the entire department.

And Ankit is the Dopa.

Wankers will come running for a treat.

And it will cost at least 5000 rupees.

How he'll arrange so much money?

He belongs to a poor family.

No. I don't think so.

Wrack your brain.

We don't focus on little things.

One day both of us went out to eat snacks.

He was standing right next to me.

And I asked the vendor...

'Uncle, what's the best thing in your menu?'

'I've sweet and hot savories. Both taste good.'

'You tell me, what would you like to have?'

'And Ankit said. I'll have only half plate.'

'And then uncle said I don't serve half plate.'

'And Ankit said, everyone serves half plate back home.'

'I only eat half plate. Jaat, you go ahead.'

'And then this beggar comes and says...'

'Spare us some loose change in the name of God.'

'An then Ankit said I don't have change.'

'And then kid said, why are you here if you don't have change?'

'Come, sit next to me. We'll both earn something.'

'Get lost!'

See...

Our friend is so poor.

He can't even afford a full plate of snacks.

Even his underwear has holes in it.

But I've never realized.

It's okay.

I'll teach him how to manage pocket money.

Everything will be fine.

He will only manage once he has some money in his pocket.

But his whole family is poor.

Your mother is a CA. His father owns a sari shop.

My father runs a dairy business plus cattle mating on the side.

What does Ankit's father do?

Don't know.

He never told us.

He would have mentioned if his father did something.

It's very shameful...

...when you have an educated unemployed father.

Oh shit.

From 'Rich Dad and Poor Dad', he'll only understand 'Poor Dad'.

Fine.

Tell me, what's the plan?

We won't ask him for a treat.

Let's give him a treat instead.

We'll all contribute.

Contribute?

For Ankit?

Actually, we're not that close.

We're just acquaintance.

You guys go ahead.

Is this GPL or a 3rd degree torture?

Who celebrates birthdays like this?

No.

You call Chirag.

He'll explain to everyone.

I know they are weirdos.

But they can't force you if you say no.

Madam, there is no such thing as 'no means no' amongst guys.

Why not?

We will complain to the warden.

When the warden became the warden...

...then I am sure even he must have gone through this.

Everyone dominates boys.

But this is totally wrong.

It's your birthday. You must be the one making all the decisions.

If you don't raise your voice today

then you won't be able to celebrate your birthday for the next four years.

Call him.

Call him now!

Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck.

Hi!

750-760-770-780...here you go.

We both contributed 400 each...

...then how can it still be only 780 rupees?

Since I've to eat later, then just assume that I've taken my share.

Bro, never cheat a poor guy.

He will come back and beg.

For the first time, his parents won't be with him on his birthday.

Now we're are his family.

It's the first birthday in the wing.

Just because he is poor, and wears underwear with holes in it...

...his father is a looser, doesn't mean we won't celebrate his birthday.

Shut up! I'll...

Stay here.

Keep this. 300 rupees.

- Cigarette? - You can buy anything with this.

This is the bitcoin of campus, my friend.

Friends!? Friends don't listen to your request so easily.

And if they did, then I wouldn't be watching porn here...

...even though I had a laptop worth 125,000 rupees.

They are just friends for the namesake.

But they are animals, cannibals, cruel. Evil.

Did you hear?

I was trying to explain her the same.

Yeah...they love screwing your balls more than any game in the world.

I was in so much pain this morning...

...that I had to go to an Indian style toilet instead.

But it helped me clear my stomach.

- Can we do something for you? - Yes.

Please help me to put this on.

Sister.

Tell Shweta. She is your girlfriend.

I did tell her.

But that small town girl didn't want to go to the third base directly.

- Girls are so insensitive. - Girls are insensitive!?

We even take care of birthday girl's calories.

If the girl is little healthy, then we don't feed her the cake...

...we just put it on his face.

And before we go for the treat...

...we fix her bedsheet, pillow, and teddy.

- Really? - Yes.

Next time I want to be a girl.

By the way, your problem is GPL, isn't it?

And not your birthday.

Celebrate your birthday but with your well-wishers.

Like with Akanksha.

You'll feel better and no GPL.

Oh yes, Akanksha, one with the big...

- Thoughts. Right. - It's not that big.

Thoughts.

Why should I celebrate it with someone who doesn't remember my birthday?

I mean once upon a time I had a crush.

But now it's all over.

Liar.

She even gave me her number, but I deleted it.

Not even in touch anymore.

I see...no wonder your focus is on experiments these days.

Hmm.

So forget her.

Celebrate it with someone else.

Like...

..me.

With us.

- Yes, let's go. - Go where?

- Let me think first. - What's there to think?

I mean you won't get this opportunity again.

Birthday is the only special day in every student's life.

Come on, no excuses. And anyway, I do all the work in the lab.

Consider you're giving me a treat for that.

Brother. Think about it.

No one gets to celebrate his birthday without GPL.

Look, bro, I got the flavor the one you asked for.

But I thought 2 pounds will be too much, so I brought only 1 Kg.

Great.

And yes, I didn't bring the candles.

Looks fucked up.

Sweetness is appreciated in cakes, not guys.

Everything is ready. Let's turn off the lights and wait.

Ankit will be here any moment.

As soon as he comes we will all shout...

Surprise.

I'll be in the front. I want to see the look on his face.

We'll turn off the lights. But let me see the cake first.

I hope our poor friend dosen't well up seeing this beautiful cake.

I am sure he has seen such beautiful cakes...

...only on the other side of the window.

- Yes. - Guys, he has got such good friends.

Candlelight gives you the feel. Right?

Huh?

Birthday feeling.

Yes.

If I knew that we were going to celebrate my birthday...

...I would've called some more people.

Look! Here comes more people.

You didn't cut it yet, did you? Thank God.

Actually I had to climb stairs, and my gluteus maximus gave up.

What?

Ass! His ass gave up.

Shall we cut the cake?

- Yes. - It's been a while.

Let's take a picture. You know, memories.

Give it to me.

Shhhh...someone's coming. Someone's coming.

Surprise...

Guys, It's me. I looked everywhere. He isn't there.

When you knew...

...that I'll burst the popper once the light turns on

...why didn't you tell me before?

Asshole, this was the last popper that you made me burst.

- Did you check the bathroom? - Three times.

I even used it once.

What the fuck.

Chirag, what I was saying is...

...now that everyone's here, let's cut the cake and play 'Mafia'.

Beware.

No one's going to cut the cake until Ankit arrives.

Who's the asshole who ate the cake?

This was going to happen. How long are we going to wait?

It's 12 o'clock and he isn't even answering his phone.

How will he answer his phone?

It must be switched off.

Poverty makes people do such things.

He must be hiding somewhere to save himself from getting embarrassed.

Guys?

What if he does something to himself?

To hell with this surprise.

Announce everywhere on Whatsapp and on PA system...

...to inform us immediately if they see Ankit anywhere.

WhatsApp.

Hey!

Look at this.

Motherfucker.

Zivame bra in 400 only.

Idiot! I'm not talking about the add. Look at the centre.

The photo.

Ass...

'Happy birthday to you.'

'Happy birthday to you.'

'Happy birthday dear Ankit.'

First, he lied to us.

And then he turned out to be such a miser.

He has money, not for his friends.

But definitely for the girl.

It's quite tasty.

Now, this boy's going to get LPL and not GPL.

- Come on. - Come on.

Thank you, guys.

I thought my first birthday in college will turn out to be very sad.

But after cutting this cake, I feel so special.

I will never forget this day.

I won't forget either.

You know why? Because I have a photographic memory.

How did they find out?

Fuck! Fuck!

How did you guys find out?

Huh!

What a coincidence.

And Chirag, you were absolutely right.

It turns out my birthday is today!

But it's good that you guys came.

I was going to call you guys at 12 o'clock.

Oh no, its past 12 o'clock.

Thanks for coming guys. Come. Let's cut the cake.

They've got me a very nice cake.

Yes...even our cake is pretty nice.

But we don't have someone to cut the cake.

Well, it was nice knowing you, Ankit Pandey.

Have a great life. Happy birthday.

What...

I said I am sorry. What do you want now?

Hold on. When did he say sorry?

Sorry, bro. I am very sorry. Really...

Congratulations, he said sorry.

You have money to splurge on the girl, but not on us.

Let it be, Jhantoo bro.

It's not his fault.

If he has feelings for Nabhomita Bhardwaj and not for us.

Absolutely nothing.

He might be in love with the girl, but is Lolly his relative.

What are you guys saying?

I've saved 1450 rupees for your treat.

Then what the hell are you doing here?

Why didn't you come to the hostel?

Because he was scared of GPL.

Yes, you heard it right.

This poor soul was scared of GPL.

And he should. Because he is a human being.

And if an empowered gemini like me hadn't encouraged him today...

...then he wouldn't have celebrated his birthday today.

You guys call yourself his friends.

You should be ashamed.

Hey, drama queen! Don't waste so much time.

And you...bloody wimp.

It was such a small thing. Couldn't you have told us?

No.

As if you guys would have listened to me.

You are not the professor that we wouldn't have listened.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

It means you were scared of GPL and went into hiding...

...and now you were celebrating...

Are you crazy?

Sorry, Chirag.

You know that I am a wimp.

That you are.

Listen, everyone.

From today we have a new rule in the wing.

If you have any issue, please speak up.

We'll take a democratic decision.

- Done? - Done.

- Done. - Jhantoo.

Yeah, done.

- There's no GPL. Go on. - Leave everyone.

These guys will turn this hostel into girls hostel.

- Why are they making new rules now? - You...

Whose birthday is it next?

You guys were convinced so easily.

And I was thinking weird things about them.

Come on guys, I'll give you a treat. Come on.

- Hold this. - Let's cut the cake.

- Yes, let's cut the cake first. - Come on.

- Come Jhantoo, sit down. -Yes.

- Come on. - Bloody Lolly.

Girls compliment each other to bond amongst themselves.

Even share their bras.

But boys abuse, humiliate each other to bond.

Even beat each other.

The tradition of GPL is pretty scary.

But in a way, the root cause is love after all.

You never know when love turns into abuse and eventually into fighting.

The small piece for Rakhi.

And for you as well.

Wait a minute. Let me take a picture.

It's the first time he's feeding cake to his girlfriend.

- Done. - Hold a second, guys.

You guys can take a picture, but we are just friends.

And that too from this evening.

No-no...we won't get fooled anymore.

We would have believed you earlier.

- But not here. - Yes.

Really, you guys didn't let anyone know.

I've always told him to hook up with the lab partner instead of Akanksha.

But do you know what he used to say?

'I'd rather have a girlfriend who'll match up to my standard...

...than dating anybody.'

- What else did he say? - They are joking.

Just so that we don't suspect you two, he conjured a bad image of yours.

He spoke a ton of shit about you.

Like?

Nabhomita is the Jhantoo of girl's hostel.

People have a fashion sense, but her fashion is nonsense.

Who wears a veil over the lab court and heels under 3/4ths?

What was that about her anger?

She's full of short temper and blackheads.

I didn't say that at all.

I am not that creative at all. Akanksha...

- They are talking nonsense. - Don't be so nervous, Ankit.

- No. Chirag is right. - Yes.

- People make fun of their close ones. - Yeah!

Actually guys I just found out that he loves all of you equally.

- Yeah! - Wow!

- Please... - He was scared of you the most.

He said there's no point in explaining to the dimwit...

...who couldn't understand the syllabus in the last four years.

He also called you terrible.

But...he's very comfortable with the two of you.

Yes.

Jaat's a bull-brain, ignorant and will do whatever Chirag asks.

And it'll be a cakewalk to convince Chirag.

- After all he's a closeted gay. - What...

He has a deep-seated crush on me.

He just wants to sleep with me.

How dare he taint your pure friendship.

Bro, she's trying to provoke you.

Ankit, we're not kids.

It's clear that she is the provoker...

...and you're the traitor.

Jaat...why do I feel that the majority is with me?

- Because it is. - What do you mean?

What?

Look, bro, you said no GPL.

No one can celebrate their birthday without GPL.

Chirag.

Let's get the motherfucker!

Asshole...

Catch him! Asshole!

Wait, bastard.

- No. No. - Get that bastard.

One...two...three...

Beat him, assholes.