Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Continue to melt your shoulders away from your ears.

To soften and release.

I invite you to bring your attention back to your breath.

Become aware of the in-breath and out-breath.

Notice the space

between your inhalations and exhalations.

What thoughts come up for you here?

Can you accept them as they surface?

Say, "Hello, thoughts."

And then allow them to depart as easily as they arrive.

You shouldn't manufacture your breath.

And you shouldn't fight your thoughts.

"Shouldn't."

Compound verb.

A modal that uses negation within a contraction

showing guidance or recommendation.

I hate that word,

"should," so much.

It's not even the word itself, really. It's whatever follows it.

Because "should" never stands alone.

No, no.

It's either followed by a passive aggressive command,

or a condescending dismissal of whatever momentary joy you might have just expressed.

Or sometimes, if you're really unlucky,

it's followed by unsolicited advice.

I had this linguistic professor in undergrad

who insisted we weren't supposed to hate any words.

Instead, she urged us to become curious about them.

To hold them, and nurture them, and chew them in our mouths.

We spent, like, six straight classes

pretending to hold words we disliked in our arms like new born babies,

and chewing on nothing till our jaws hurt.

I think "should" is my least favorite word in the whole English language.

Holy fucking shit!

That's my favorite.

Fuck!

I knew it.

- Jesus Christ, Eli. - Hey, the bear flag isn't even up.

When someone is in residence, the bear flag has to be up.

You're a fucking creep.

Uh, no I'm not, actually. A creep doesn't text, "Hey, I know you're at the farm...

There's no service.

"...I'm coming over right now with a friendly little ETA every ten minutes."

- Ugh. Very mom of you. - Yeah.

You know, you can't stay here.

- Like hell I can't. - I'm serious, dude.

I need the quiet.

Lookay, the roads are shit right now. It's already after dark.

And I own one-fifth of this place.

Fine. Then you stay tonight.

Come on, Sam. Everyone's worried about you.

Who's everyone?

Everyone everyone.

Mom literally set a symbolic plate for you at dinner like you were goddamn Elijah.

Well then I'm sure Dad enjoyed drinking my wine

when he thought no one was looking?

Yeah, he passed out before 5:00.

Jesus.

Lookay, if you think I'm gonna let you spend the holidays rotting up here,

you're out of your mind.

I'm not rotting. It's beautiful and crisp, and I'm learning how to knit.

Gotten far?

I'm strategizing.

Hmm.

Go back to your life. I'm fine.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, what are we doing for dinner?

Jesus Christ, kid, what have you been eating?

I have food.

- Sammy? - There is a lot of canned stuff.

Oh. Gross.

- Mom sent leftovers. - Mom knows I'm here?

Well...

Hey, aren't you supposed to be hosting Friendsgiving tomorrow?

Oh, so you did get my invitation?

Oh... no, I did not.

How's your dissertation going?

Move.

Aw. I missed you, too.

- Hey, how did you know... - Hey, Becca said something about your trial.

Oh.

What, are they postponing it again?

I don't know.

- Well, what's the next step here, Samantha? - I don't know.

- Does your lawyer think that maybe you should... - I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know! Maybe there is no next step. Maybe it's postponed forever.

Maybe I dropped the charges altogether.

You what?

- I... It doesn't matter. - Did you really do that?

Sam...

You have to call your lawyer right now. You have to rescind.

- Eli! - What would possess you to do something so fucking stupid?

You can't just drop the charges, you have to pursue this!

- I don't have to do anything! - Yes, you do! You have to!

- Why? - Because otherwise I'm gonna find him and I'm gonna kill him.

My dissertation is... going.

It's going?

Yeah.

Careful, it's hot.

Oh, my God. You really are a fucking idiot.

Oh... Oh, shit, that's hot!

God damn it. Do I still have a tongue?

I wish you did not.

Harper would miss it.

Oh, my God. Jesus Christ!

- I'll get you some sugar. The glucose is supposed to help. - Thank you.

Oh, my God!

- Jesus Christ! - What the fuck was that?

- Oh, my God, is that a bat? - Holy shit!

- How did it get in here? - How did you let a bat in here, Sam?

- What the fuck? This is your fault! - Jesus!

Well, that's taken care of.

What? No.

Yeah, as long as we just don't open the door, it's fine.

Wow, incredibly thickly-veiled metaphors you're working with here.

Oh, we'll just use the upstairs bathroom. One for us, one for him.

I'll call animal control in the morning.

Sammy...

No, I'm not... We're not... Uh-uh.

Nope.

Thank you for checking in on me.

I'm still throwing you out in the morning.

I'm fine.

I've really been fine.

And I'm getting a lot of work done. I...

I just need to be alone, okay?

Okay.

Tonight, little house.

Tonight, little mouse.

Tonight, moon.

Jesus Christ.

- Hi. - Hey, babe.

Uh, red one's under the bed,

blue one's sitting in the closet right there.

- So many beautiful... - We have Half-and-Half?

Hey!

Uh-uh.

- Wait a second. - We just thought...

That went really well.

Okay. So, not excited to see us.

No, she'll come around. She will be.

- Shit. - It's fine. We'll just give her time.

Just sit her down tonight.

We can't sit her down if we can't get her to stay in a room with us.

Wait. "Sit her down"? Am I missing something?

Eli is concerned about Sam.

- About how much she's drinking and how she's handling things. - Sam. Sam?

'Cause how she's handling things isn't working.

- Oh, my God. You guys... - Sam?

Yo, I didn't know this was gonna be a whole "thing."

Then why did you come, dude? Why are you here?

- Easy, man. - No, I wanna know.

Well, first of all, you said she was gonna be excited to see us.

And besides, we wanna be here for our friend.

And you obviously weren't not gonna do this, so we weren't not gonna come.

Yeah.

Oh. Hi.

- Hi. - Who's that?

Maybe I have the wrong... Is Sam here?

- You're looking for Sam? - Fascinating.

So far, yes. I'm Ruthy.

- Are you sure? - Doesn't sound sure.

- Ruthy? - Short for Rutherford.

- Oh! Duh. - My mother's favorite president.

Shouldn't that be "Ruh-thy?"

Oh, you're Becca.

- Am I famous? - No, sorry, you're Sam's sister, right?

- Yeah. - Who are you?

I live next to Sam. Is she... We had plans to avoid Thanksgiving.

Fascinating!

Sorry, we're so rude. Come in, please.

Come in. I'm Harper.

Ah.

This is Eli, Meghan, and Becca.

I wasn't expecting other people. If you want, I can go somewhere.

Don't be silly, no. Let me take this upstairs. And Eli, can you take his coat?

- Yeah, sure. - Thank you.

Brave of you to stay.

Brave of you to straighten your hair in this weather.

- Oh, my God. You suck. - Thank you.

Can we focus, please?

Ruthy, I'm sorry to say, you, uh, walked into a little bit of family business.

So we're just in the middle of something here.

I think maybe some of us actually might be on a different page about what is happening,

so if we can just re-center and move forward

with the intention of being here for Sam.

I am with the intention of eating these eggs before they get cold, please.

Ruthy, I brought you some right here.

- They're right. We need to wait it out. - Wait what out?

She's not delighted to see us.

She didn't know you were coming.

She's happy we're here, guys.

Oh, you have the emotional capacity of a raisin.

- I've heard that, thanks. - Oh, my God.

Lookay, we're all here now and it's crucial that we're a united front about this.

A united front about what?

- What is happening? - What is it? What is this about?

She's dropping the charges.

- What? Why didn't you tell me that? - Oh, my God.

This is why you moved Friendsgiving.

Listen, we need to work together here to make sure that Sam

doesn't make a decision that she cannot undo.

Once it's over, it's over.

Keep your voice down, man. She's right in there.

She cannot drop the charges.

If she doesn't go,

it's filed as a false accusation.

Gets counted as she's lying.

Lookay, she just needs to put that fucker away.

- She just needs to let the justice system do its... - Fuck the justice system.

She needs to stop this guy from doing this to another woman.

Maybe that's not what she wants.

Of course it's what she wants. I'm not saying that she knows it's what she wants,

but it's what she wants.

- Eli... - I love when men tell women what they want. It's the best.

Okay, you know what I mean.

Lookay, we have a better chance of this working

if we do it on her terms.

Gain her trust, establish therapeutical ends.

My least favorite version of you.

- Psych school dropout. - Mmm.

Has anybody actually talked to Sam about this? Like, at all?

I was just about to say that one of us should go talk to her.

- And it really ought to be me. - Absolutely not. It's me.

"Me or you," I said.

- I said, "Or you." - Okay.

Wait a second. Why not me?

Perhaps your job right now,

in this space, and quite frankly the world, is to be quiet and to listen.

Um...

She just doesn't need to hear from a straight white dude right now, okay?

Just because he's... Not all men are...

Did you really just "Not all men" me?

Don't fucking lump me into some category, Bec.

That's so unbelievably reductive.

- This is not about your politics. - Okay.

And technically, I'm not white-white, okay?

Shit. Here you go.

What the fuck?

Oh, it's your Jew card. You dropped it.

All right.

Hey. Hi.

Um, I know you weren't expecting me,

and I just arrived at this whatever you're calling this,

and I hardly know any of you, like, at all.

But what I do know is that Sam is in there,

and if the coffee is out here, she'll come out eventually.

So let's just give her some space.

Yeah.

Give it up, man.

I want to check my Fantasy scores.

You know what this place needs?

A little Christmas spirit, yeah?

It's still Thanksgiving.

Yeah, yeah, but Sam loves Christmas.

I mean, it's late November. It's practically December.

And I think Bec would agree

that celebrating Thanksgiving this year

is a little controversial anyway, right?

Well, I mean, it's not just this year that it's controversial.

But sure, maybe let's skip the holiday that glorifies genocide and rape.

They're always like this?

- Yes. - No.

- Oh, woah, woah. - Don't go in there!

- Oh, my God. What? - What's in there?

- It's a bat. - It's fine.

- A bat? - A real bat? I wanna see.

- No, just sit down. - No.

I will continue to reach out to animal control.

Right, okay. Well, I officially demand Christmas festivity, starting with a tree.

- But there's a bat. - I will do a grocery run.

- Take someone with you, yeah? - Why?

You know why.

Becca, Meghan, do you wanna come?

Even if we're against Thanksgiving,

we don't have to be against mashed potatoes.

Yeah, so whatever holiday it is, we should make... pie.

- Any other requests? - Booze.

Hey, can you get one of those honey hams?

Ugh, you're so... sometimes.

Boys, you ready to George Washington this bitch?

Um, the whole point of the story is that he didn't.

He didn't chop down a cherry tree.

Well, Rutherford, you're the expert on presidents, not me.

Wait, I'm sorry, what is happening?

What are these gendered activities right now?

Ugh.

Okay, whatever.

I'm gonna stay back and see if she emerges.

Fine, whatever.

Hey, you ready to roll up your sleeves and chop yourself a tree, Ruthy?

Oh, my God. I'm in a porn.

I'm in a hetero porn.

Now it's just this scramble to get everything together.

- I'm sure you're doing all of it. - Of course.

So fucking typical of him.

- Know that that doesn't change once you get married. - Ugh.

But you'll see it'll work.

He's good at so many other things.

Any preferences?

Oh. Um, no. I'm not, uh...

I'm not drinking.

Oh, my God. Are you pregnant?

What? No. God, no.

Then why? Since when?

Uh, since just after the, um...

Just after. My therapist suggested it would be good for my anxiety.

Oh, wow. So you're like totally sober?

Yeah.

Your wedding's gonna suck.

I remember reading in elementary school that they eat mosquitoes.

So we just need to find, like, a thousand mosquitoes.

And I remember they eat fruit, too.

Why are we feeding the bat again?

'Cause the ladies don't want the bat to starve and die.

Hey, she mention any other details to Meghan?

Who?

Sam. Has Sam mentioned anything else about that night to her?

Oh. We don't really...

'Cause I figured, you know, Meghan might know why she fucking bailed on this thing.

- Um... - Maybe it had something to do with the drug test.

- I know she's been waiting on those results for... - Test came back negative.

What?

- How would you know? - They mentioned them at the hearing.

- His lawyer's, like, obsessive. - Wait. Wait a second.

You've been to the hearings?

No.

She said that no one was allowed. Motherfucker. God damn it.

I don't know.

I mean, it happened at our engagement party.

I was so drunk, I didn't even notice when she disappeared.

- It's our fault that it... - No, it's not.

- No, it's not your burden all the time. - No, I know it's not our fault.

- I just... - Meghan, none of us noticed.

We were all plastered.

And Aaron won't talk about it. Like, at all.

He can't. He says

he can't think about it happening to his friend, so he just doesn't.

The male ability to compartmentalize?

I know.

But I can't... I can't expect him to.

Aaron wasn't there that night at the hospital with Sam.

It was... intense.

He won't even acknowledge that it happened.

Yeah, I just need him to say that it happened.

And now we have this expensive venue, and this date, and I just...

Have you guys been to counseling?

We're in a thruple with our therapist.

- God. - Yeah.

How's Eli with all of this? How are you guys?

He's good. We're... We're fine.

She's so... good at lying.

Whatever, maybe I can talk to her lawyer. We can fucking figure...

Maybe just talk to her.

I have, dude.

My mother has.

We ask her to explain the minutest fucking detail, she goes full fucking Bartleby.

- Huh? - It's Melville. It's...

- Whatever, you explain it to him. - I'd prefer not to.

She doesn't want to tell us shit, dude.

Why are you so relentless, man? Nobody's holding out on you.

Because that piece of shit did this to my sister, dude.

And if this all went down the way she said it went down...

If?

Ruthy. Uh, I've been meaning to ask you.

Do you, um... you like cars? Are you a car guy?

- Uh, no not... - I...

- Great. - ...have been in several cars.

In the past. Before.

A Honda.

Toyota.

Uh, I don't think I should have...

Meghan.

I, um... I think it's Eli's.

Oh, my God.

That's... That's him, right?

Um...

His mom's work address.

His sister's school.

His dad's business website.

Fuck.

He's been leaving for work super early lately.

I followed him once.

Not to be like psycho wife or anything, I just...

He's been sitting outside in the parking lot

where the kid goes to football practice.

He just sits in his car and he watches him go in.

You don't think he's...

Do you think he's gonna do something?

I have no idea.

Wow.

Yeah.

Don't... Don't say anything to anyone, please.

- Oh. No, I wouldn't. - Please.

I would never.

Okay.

Oh...

What?

I really thought we were just gonna do Friendsgiving.

Yeah.

Sam?

Sam?

Dude. I know you're not asleep.

Come on.

Come on, Dad. You gotta get up. Get up, Dad!

You can't Simba me!

- That's not fair. - Yeah, it is.

I promise that's not how I wanted this to go down.

That was fucked up.

- It wasn't... - Say it was fucked up.

It was fucked up. Okay.

But every single person out there loves you.

Harper?

Just...

come out.

Have lunch with your friends.

They won't talk about it. They'll be cool.

Have you met them?

It's been a year. What do you need to get ready for Tuesday?

For your trial?

To be done with this for good?

Unless you're not going...

What? I just wanna be done with this for good.

Whatever this, like, intervention bullshit is that's happening, I...

That's not what's happening.

We are just here to do unspecified holiday activities.

And to be here for you. Whatever you need.

I need coffee.

Great. There's a whole pot.

- No. No! That is not how this is gonna work. - Mmm-hmm.

I'm too fragile to get it myself.

Ow, bitch!

No, you can't... Stop it!

You're gonna need to chill!

Okay, yeah. I cut it into a couple slices.

- He's gonna love it. - It's small, so... Okay, wait.

- Three, two, run! - Okay. One, two...

- Oh, very good. - Oh, my God!

Jesus Christ, all these needles, dude.

- Look who I found. - Hey.

Hey...

Morning.

Who bought two kinds of dairy milk?

Are there actually still people who do dairy?

Did you want me to make a speech? Or...

Glad to see you among the living, Samantha.

Surprise, I guess.

Were they nice to you? Were you nice to my friend?

Why is he allowed to be here?

You get your army, I get mine.

Where the fuck did you find that tree?

You weren't supposed to see it without the ornaments.

You have ornaments? Aren't you folks Jewish?

I'm just... I'm gonna tell you something really quick.

Which is, the Jews, they love Christmas.

- We do. - We love it.

- We love it. - Yes.

This is the part where my dad would tell you

about how all the famous Christmas tunes were actually written by Jews,

but I'll spare you.

Thank God.

I mean, Irving Berlin. White Christmas.

Let it snow. Jule Styne, Sammy Cahn.

- Dad's here. - Bye, Dad.

- Hi. - Hi.

Mmm. We were all just saying how excited we are to be here together for the holidays.

So we were thinking we could do some fam traditions.

What do you guys usually do?

Oh. We don't usually get everyone together

to rehash my rape ad nauseam, but...

I will go get the ornaments.

I haven't seen any of this shit in years.

Oh. Oh, we must.

Oh, my God.

- What am I, the gay character? - Eh.

How does this tape still work? Amazing.

- What the hell is that? - Green Acres?

It's the only thing we had on VHS here, growing up.

We've seen the same, like, two-and-a-half episodes like 900 times.

- Harper and I used to... - Hey, what's the deal with you two?

Nothing. She's just a bitch.

- They used to be best friends. - Becca.

- Like, completely obsessed with each other. - Could we not?

But then Harper wound up going to college with Eli,

and then they started dating secretly,

and Sam found out via Facebook and completely fucking spiraled.

Harper played the victim per uzh.

Turned all their high school friends against Sam,

- and then our parents got involved... - And nothing, we're fine now.

They're not fine.

Both of their individual thresholds for denial are pretty impressive, actually.

♪ Green Acres Is the place for me

♪ Farm living Is the life for me ♪

Feel.

I feel better?

There's not a feel better.

Oh, excellent

We stayed at the best B&B in Morocco.

Getting my passport's has been a fucking bitch though.

Wait you mean renewed, right?

No, first one.

What are you doing, Sam?

Taking my turn, Harper.

No tap taps.

- What? - No fucking tap taps.

That's against the rules.

No, it's not. How are you supposed to know which one to pick?

That's the whole point of the game.

You don't know and you have to pick one.

That's fucking stupid.

There's no strategy in that.

Yeah, we always play with tap taps.

Time to take off the training wheels, fam.

Harper is right. No tap taps.

Eli.

All right, fine. Let's vote. Starting now,

from this point, who wants to play with tap taps?

Yeah.

Who's far without?

'Cause we're not losers.

Ruthy...

I hate games.

I think we should play however Sam wants to play.

Fuck it, let's play without.

Yes, okay, now it's interesting. Let's go.

What is that?

It's the landline.

Ooh.

How do you still have a landline?

- It's Mom. - Don't pick that up.

When's the last time you talked to her?

I swear to God, Eli, do not fucking pick that up.

Okay? All right. Okay.

I won't.

I won't.

As you were, madame.

You got this.

Go, Sammy. Go, Sammy.

- No tap taps... - She's a pro.

No tap taps.

What's wrong with you?

I'm going to talk to her.

- Sam. - Hi, mom.

You know, we're going to be the last generation that, that remembers landlines.

My sister doesn't remember Frogger, so...

it is not just landlines.

We're responsible for a lot of shit,

like mass extinction, thanks to Millennials.

- Fucking hate them. - I'm not really a Millennial.

Why are people are always shitting on millennials?

Why can't they just thank us for avocado toast and move on?

No, I don't think that's a good idea.

There really aren't enough beds with everyone here.

Oh, bars of soap.

- Right? - Yeah.

They're so sticky, the residues.

Yeah, she's here.

- Are you kidding? - Take...

Take it.

Hi, mom.

Oh, I didn't see. Did she dab? Be honest.

I didn't. Calm down.

I haven't been able to get ahold of you. Is everything ok?

Yeah, everything's fine.

I'm just working on my dissertation.

Listen I've been thinking a lot about the trial, and I talked to some people.

- What? Who people? - Just people.

My friends, the women's group, the BJs.

Don't call it that.

Why? If it takes too long to say the name, just shorten it.

Don't tell me what to call my friends.

Hey, is Dad there?

No, yes, he's here, but he's in the other room.

He's sending e-mails.

Oh, so his fingers do still work?

Okay.

He says hi.

Listen, honey, you should think very carefully

about what kind of impression you're going to make

when you get up on that stand. What people see matters.

Look, Mom, I'm not running for office.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

The way you speak is so off-putting, and the way you dress

may be you fine around your friends,

but that is not the young lady you are or what you want to present to the world.

You called to talk about fashion?

No, it's not fashion, it's...

Have you thought about this at all?

I'm just, I'm worried that you're going

to wait till the last minute and wind up in something like that

infamous purple dress you wore to Harper and Eli's wedding.

What's wrong with my purple dress?

No, it's, it's...

It's not appropriate.

Oh, my God.

I mean, that's style might look good on someone else who's like Harper, who's six feet tall,

but on your beautiful curves, the effect is sort of...

Oh.

I don't want them to think you're a certain kind of girl.

Okay.

Let me take you shopping. I'll get you a new dress...

Sam?

Uh, Becca is desperate to talk to you.

- Sam... - Uh, please tell Dad to e-mail me back.

Samantha, are you there?

Hi.

Hey.

The harder you push, the harder she's gonna push back.

We both know that.

How do you like it when I push?

I'm not your sister.

Thank God for that.

- No tap-taps. - Hmm.

We're not playing by your rules anymore.

Do you know if your brother got a suit yet?

I don't know. I think so.

- Aaron... - What?

We're here, there's nowhere to run away to.

Dr. Lewenson said it...

Can we please not Dr. Lewenson right now?

She said it would be good for us to...

Shh, for God's sake.

Please.

Hello.

- I got you. - Hi, honey.

- Whose number is this? - It's a landline.

Wow.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

The straights are exhausting.

Okay, fine.

On three.

One, two, three...

Slytherin.

- Excellent. - I like that smile on you.

Hi.

- Hi. - Morning.

What?

I said nothing.

I'm being nice. It's not obvious I hate her.

It's so loud.

How long have you guys been friends?

I don't know. Since September, I guess.

Last September.

Oh.

What?

Nothing.

She's just different, but she's not.

I don't know what I'm trying to say.

She's just so smart.

How can she not see that if she walks away, he wins?

It's not really about him.

I mean, she does this all for some vague political agenda

Well not "him" him, "him" them.

And it's not a vague political agenda.

He's a rapist, and he'll do this again.

We have to start holding these fuckers accountable if you want anything to change.

Isn't that putting a lot of pressure on her?

Yeah. No...

Of course.

I know everyone thinks I'm this angry, torch-bearing feminist...

Oh, so you're feminist?

- Obviously. - So you agree that feminism is about equality.

- Obviously. - And about women having autonomy

over their bodies and decisions.

- Obviously. - So then, maybe, it's actually more feminist

to just stay out of it.

Let Sam decides she wants to do.

You don't get it.

I mean, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

You're right. You're right.

I've never been marginalized.

And so Sam introduced us one hungover Sunday brunch

in the caff, and the rest is history.

He's my first and greatest love.

I will never be convinced. this is your story.

My first love was horrifying.

All Catholic school, fumbling and passionate closet.

I didn't know that.

I thought I could never love anyone

as much as I loved Brian Dabio.

Everybody sticks to your own way, I mean you probably can, you know?

Well, I lost my virginity to a petty cab of driver named Zeke,

so I'm probably your target audience on this one.

Wait, what's a, uh...

The one where you fucking drive with your feet.

- Oh. - Yeah.

And so you moved in together after college, then?

Yeah, can I tell them the story about when I moved in...

Oh, this is my literal favorite story.

So... Aaron found this little depressing hole in the wall for us.

I was away doing a summer internship, so he had to find our apartment.

And when I finally saw the place, it was just dismal,

like I don't know where he was sleeping. He had hardly unpacked.

So I just went around and was pulling things

from boxes and putting them wherever.

And I found this little carpet.

on top of our house and I was like, "What the hell, Aaron?"

This is the cutest thing ever This is the perfect size for our entryway.

And he comes rushing in, and he's like, "Megan..."

"That's not a carpet.

"That's my call-to-prayer rug."

If it's a cute rug, it's a cute rug.

- That's what I s aid. - Of all the things people have ever done.

Oh, come on. When's the last time you went on a date?

Oh, I don't have time.

I work too much and men are dumpster fires

and it's my burden and my burden alone

that I am still attracted to them.

Same.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, my buddy Hunter ate at your spot.

And?

And he said you have a great personality.

"A great personality?"

Yeah, he also said you were super attractive,

but he said you had a great personality first.

- Oh, shit. - Why first?

You fucking hater. Do you want men to objectify you or not?

I don't understand.

You know what? I'm not quite sure I understand either

Can one of you assholes get on in here and help me, please?

Not it.

Mmm!

- Can I have it? - No, you don't.

I got marshmallow on my face.

- Are going to burn that one? - I got it.

Well, I'll eat it if you do. I like them, so...

You'll still, you'll find ways to live your life...

- Yeah. - ...and, like, not freak out too much.

As long as everyone else is happy, I'll be okay.

Eli?

Noah. Why is he here?

Because he's her boyfriend.

- Hey! - Oh, my God.

What are you doing here?

Eli, get up!

- What? What? - Noah is here.

Fuck! He said he was going to text me.

You can't get texts here.

...my brother's word over mine? I told you I was fine.

He said you need me. He said you asked for me.

Are you dropping...

Your tour's not supposed to end for another week.

Yeah, no, I canceled it. I canceled the last three times.

Why would you do that?

He said you gave up.

I hopped on a plane.

You guys regularly check in on me or...

Sam I couldn't get a hold of you

I didn't realize they were still together.

Why did you think they broke up?

She drinks a lot...

She drinks a lot and comes home late.

Well, at the time, she doesn't come home alone.

...to call you. He lied.

- Sam! - Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck!

Not cool, man. Not cool.

He's your fucking boyfriend, Sam.

- He has a right to know. - So not your call.

- He shouldn't be here right now. - None of us should be here.

I asked you not to be here.

We all have other things to do.

But we're here for you.

Do you ever actually listen to the words you choose

to allow to come out of your mouth?

- Sammy. - Unbelievable.

- Here, try these... - Oh, thank you so much.

And why would you think it would just be the two of you?

I didn't, I didn't think about who would be here.

I think you and I both know she would be a lot more amenable with one person.

Hmm, thank you.

I tried that.

Hey, long time no see.

- Hey, man. - I didn't know you were gonna be here.

Yeah, that seems to be a running thing.

Uh, what did you do on your pants?

- What did you do on your pants? - It's just dirt. Sand and dirt.

Oh, please, why are you wearing white pants on a farm?

- I like... - They do things differently in Europe.

He's a big time concert penis now.

Pianist. There's a... there's a "T" in it.

It's like a shitstain. I think it looks really beautiful on you.

Thank you.

Stop!

- You're making him awkward. - No, it's fine.

You're okay at that.

- Hey. - How's it going?

Uh, it's all right.

Sam's been telling me all about your European musical success.

Exciting time.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, uh, do you mind giving us some...

Oh, uh, yes. no,

Of course.

I'll just...

Thanks.

Do you mind?

Could you put down the...

Um...

Please?

what?

I haven't seen you in weeks.

Look, I know you didn't know I was coming, but I'm here now.

Are you upset that I'm here?

No, no, no, of course not.

It's just Eli...

It's this whole fucking thing.

How was your fight?

Take your pill.

Yeah, yeah, I slept.

- It was good. - Good.

- It was good. - Good.

Noah!

Please let me try.

To what?

To make you feel better.

- I'm fine. - So you've said.

But what, what if all of this is, so you can be better.

Better than what?

Than just fine.

Isn't that what we do?

We make each other feel better.

Is that all?

No, no, of course, it's not all.

Doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun.

Not everything has to be fun all the time.

I thought that's why you like me.

She told me that she was coming up here to work.

I should have figured. I just can't read her anymore, man.

It seems like she's been fine.

She shouldn't be, right?

I mean, yeah, she's fine.

She's the same.

Mornings are sensitive.

Like even just the thought of going outside...

It takes a little longer.

She used to be so quick,

you know, up, out.

And now there's a hesitation.

That guy.

He took something from her.

He took something from both of us.

- Wanna play again? - Yeah.

She is risen.

So we're doing Easter now too, huh?

Perfect timing.

Come on, come on.

So everything is self-served.

Grab a plate, grab a drink.

You can eat in the living room.

And go forth, my children.

It's almost like a Norman Rockwell.

As long as none of them speak.

This is all...

You are a very good host.

Come get pie!

- Oh, thank you so much. - Thank you, thank you.

Sam, you want some?

Okay, everyone, on before we do pie,

um, I know this is fake Thanksgiving,

because real Thanksgiving is terrible.

True.

One of the things that very much still resonates with me is the practice of gratitude.

So if you could all just take a moment, please?

Okay, close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

I know it's been a tough year in a lot of ways,

but something I'm really grateful for is all of you

and the fact that we can be here together.

Does somebody want to go next?

Anyone?

Anyone?

You know what? I think we should all talk about why we're here,

actually, we put it off long enough.

Way to go rouge. MEGHAN: I don't think we should be doing that.

Sam.

Eli...

- We're concerned. - We are.

By dropping the charges, you're not seeing this thing through to the end.

You're making a decision you're going to regret.

I'm going to regret or you're going to regret?

Clearly, Eli's being a fucking nightmare about this.

But if you don't go to court, this will all be for nothing.

They'll count your case as a false accusation.

Is this Mamma's pie.

This is Mamma's pie.

Yeah, I did my best.

- Why do you have this recipe? - I gave it to her.

I wanted you to have...

- Sam, this is serious. - I know this is serious.

This is mamma's secret pie recipe.

Sam, this isn't about a fucking pie.

It's about you not doing anything,

- hiding from everything. - You know who else was hiding?

Mamma.

Hiding from fucking Nazis.

They took everything from her. They took her wedding ring.

All she had was this fucking pie recipe.

- That's not how it happend. - That's how it happened.

- Honey, no. - And she just... Yes.

That's why this pie is family only.

Mamma wasn't making pumpkin pies in Poland.

She just wasn't.

I mean, she did hide from the Nazis,

but the pie recipe came later. Sam...

We all love you and respect you.

Do you love and respect us?

One out of two.

Okay. Can you listen to us for, like, a second, please?

- You are the worst facilitator ever. - Okay. I think maybe

some of us have had a little too much to drink,

and this isn't the best...

- Would anyone like coffee with dessert? - No.

Yeah.

Okay, fine.

Fine, you all want to intervention me?

Intervention me.

Well, go ahead.

Did you all prepare letters to read,

or you're just gonna kind of wing it?

I'm gonna put some coffee on.

No, Harper, why don't you go first?

Seriously, I think you should go first.

You know what? Fine.

You are self-centered and selfish,

and it makes it really hard for the people who love you to love you.

- Wow. - And that all started

- way before the assault. - Okay.

- Wow! - Harper, that is so wrong.

- This has been a hard year. - For you.

You can't drop this case.

That's not what we're saying. We...

We're just concerned that

you haven't begun the healing process

- and instead are using alcohol to cope. - And other...

We just want to create an open space for you.

You cannot drop this case.

Oh, thank you for slowing it down that time.

- So I, like, really got it. - All right.

Eli, this is not how this is done.

- You're shutting her down completely. - I'm not!

Well, this went well for you guys.

Very organized.

- Sam... - I need some air

and I will catch up with you all later.

- Sam. - Really...

I'm fine.

Curious how "I'm fine" can sometimes sound a lot like,

"I'm going to go fuck some shit up."

Are he and Sam close?

Sure.

The dated for a hot minute their freshman year

before Meghan even came into the picture.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

We had our own little West Bank Story going on there for a while.

Harper says you're not eating again.

Fuck Harper.

Why aren't you eating?

I don't know, Aaron.

'Cause I hate myself. 'Cause I hate my body.

- No. - Yes.

Why?

Because.

Because society. Because I'm a woman.

Because I needed it to fight back

and it betrayed me.

What's that?

It means,

"Never have I dealt with anything as difficult as my own soul."

Will you tell me what happened...

...that night?

- I don't really remember, I... - Please.

Meghan hasn't told you?

No.

I, uh...

I haven't let her.

Hey, if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to...

I only really remember what the hospital told me.

Okay.

Look, if you don't feel comfortable, I...

I remember talking to a kid

at the bar.

I'd already had a few drinks.

At a certain point, I couldn't find you guys anywhere, so I...

...went outside.

There he was with his friends.

I took a hit of whatever they're smoking.

I went back to his dorm room.

His roommate was asleep in the dark,

so I was whispering.

"No."

I said, "No, I don't want this."

Somehow, my...

My head slammed against the wall

next to his bed.

I just... I just froze.

You're not someone who freezes.

I know. I don't, I'm...

How did I end up in his dorm room?

If I... If I didn't say yes. I...

I must have agreed to go back there, right?

- I must have wanted to, maybe... - No. No.

- Maybe I did before I said no, maybe... - No.

No.

Meghan was amazing at the hospital.

I just... I just wanted the test to see if I had been drugged.

They, like, won't give it to you unless you report,

and suddenly, the police were there,

- just, like, asking me questions... - Hey.

...and, like, how much I'd had to drink and...

Hey.

I believe you, okay?

I believe you.

Sam.

Welcome to the other side.

The other side?

Of being loved by Sam and left by Sam.

Oh, no, she didn't.

- We're not... - You're too close.

That's the problem.

She is so, so good to the people she loves.

The most loyal, but...

Love is a competition to her,

and if you're better at it, if she's not winning,

iced out.

I, uh... I hear that.

The three of them together are so stubborn.

I know them better than they know themselves.

But they'll forever choose each other over me.

So, why stick around?

He's my husband.

I worked so hard

to create this picture-perfect life that I thought I wanted.

And now?

I don't know about the picture.

I don't know if I like it anymore.

So?

She's in a dark place.

I know.

If we had just picked a different bar...

I'm just...

I know.

I know, I keep thinking about that, too.

What did you say to her?

I mean, um...

I don't know.

I don't know.

Nothing, really.

Thank you for talking to her.

Yeah.

- Morning. - Hey.

Oh, God! Jesus!

Ugh. Too early.

- Wait, can you... - Get off!

Oh, you're a nightmare.

Ugh.

- Why are you so fat? - Oh...

- I believe I was here. - Do you mind?

Hey, Sam?

Sam?

Can we... Can go for a walk?

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm trying really hard,

but you won't even let me near you.

I'm trying so hard to be gentle.

And it's creepy.

It's so creepy.

Half the time you touch me like I'm going to disintegrate

- and sometimes it makes me think that I might. - Okay, okay.

How do you want me to touch you?

Or you, like, look at me and you see him.

And then you try to gentle it away somehow.

But you can't. You just... You... You can't.

I love you.

I know.

You love me so much.

I can't take it.

It's too heavy.

But these strangers,

you can fuck these random...

- You don't even know their names, Sam. - What?

Ruthy, he...

He didn't mean to. He just confirmed what I already knew.

They're bodies.

Just bodies.

You don't care.

You should.

You should care.

- I know. - I care.

I know.

That doesn't work for everybody. Harper and I ate there.

Could you please not speak for me?

Everyone should be in therapy all of the time.

She's not going, she stopped.

- What? - When?

Who cares? Obviously therapy wasn't for her.

She completely checks out.

- Last I checked, she was. - She said it wasn't...

It doesn't matter what she said.

I have something to say,

and it might not be a popular opinion.

Careful.

Sam is vehemently pushing this thing away.

Now, what it seems to me

is that she wants to make this go away.

Maybe this isn't as black and white as we're making it.

What are you saying? She's lying?

No, no, of course not.

Of course, something terrible happened that night, but was it?

Maybe she didn't need to take it this far.

You're implying a lot of things here, buddy.

You're not exactly a model fucking citizen here, my friend.

Asking her why she drinks so much.

Whatever. Now it has come this far.

And she did. She wanted to pursue that.

She was so fired up in the weeks after.

- You weren't there. - Neither were you.

You weren't at the hospital either

And I'm sorry that it kills you that it was me instead of you.

No, what kills me is that you were there.

- and you're not angry. - Of course I'm angry.

I just don't get to be the same kind of angry that...

It's time! She should just go and end this thing.

No, if what's gonna help her heal is to walk away,

then she should walk away.

- I fucking hate that word. - Sam. How long have you...

I should testify on Tuesday.

Or maybe I shouldn't now testify on Tuesday.

I shouldn't drink so much.

I should eat more,

except for on days when I should be strong enough

to not eat at all.

I should be excited to wake up in the morning,

and I should be grateful I'm alive.

And I should go back to therapy.

And I should be better at healing.

And I should try to remember what it was like

to live inside this body

before the night it shouldn't have been raped.

I shouldn't have been raped.

But I was.

I love all of you. You're my family.

Which is why this is a family thing.

No, no. Mamma's pie is a family thing.

This... This is a me thing.

This is a decision that I have to make,

and I don't know if you have all put this together or not,

if you've all seen the irony in this,

but the reason all of this is happening

is because my choice was taken away.

And now all I would like in this world

is to be able to make this decision for myself

without all of you insisting on trying to make it for me.

I know, I know I'm a fucking mess,

but you're all a fucking mess.

You two should communicate about literally anything.

You should stop trying to control everyone,

stop obsessing about me

and take a look at your own fucking relationship

because she just...

- She's a bitch. - Sam.

And you should go back to therapy school,

do something with all of this.

And you should stop smoking so much weed

and finish your fucking book because it's actually very good.

And you should give up on me.

Give up on me and find someone

who's actually capable of being a partner to you

because I can't.

I can't.

I can't... I can't do all the things I should do,

and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

Sam.

And to all, a good night.

You the bartender?

Mixologist.

Dated a couple of bartenders in the past.

- You seem a lot less douche-y already, so... - Ouch.

Sorry, that was salty.

I'm not a mixologist.

Right.

What can I get for you?

Whatever you like to make.

You want to talk about it?

Nope.

Okay, that's cool.

I didn't really want to know, anyway.

I was being polite.

Holiday spirit got you?

Sure.

In, uh, French...

In Spanish,

a decision is something that you

take, like a train.

In German, it's something you meet.

Like a friend.

But in English, it is something that you have to make, so...

Create it out of fucking thin air.

Okay?

I was raped.

When?

Year ago.

I was pursuing charges.

Mmm.

I am pursuing charges.

I tell my brother I dropped the case, but I didn't really.

He just heard what he wanted to hear

and then he told everyone we know

and brought everyone we know to our fucking cabin.

And now they're all there trying to get me

to go back to a fucking trial.

And I know I should, but I just don't want to.

And... What the shit?

You have to slow down long enough to enjoy the grease.

Finish your story. I'll give them back.

Can I say something horrible?

Yes, please.

I don't care about the other

hypothetical women preventing this from happening.

How fucked up is that?

I care about getting my shit together

and finishing my dissertation.

My sister's like this staunch-ass feminist

and it's... It's great, but I can't be...

I can't... I don't have the capacity

to be the poster child for her cause right now.

My brother is like...

What?

I think he'd have a better idea

of what to do with me if I cried more.

Woof.

Now they're all... They're just...

All these people are there at the place

where I went to get away from all of them.

And they're just watching me all the time

trying to make sure that I'm eating and sleeping

and not gonna kill myself, and I just cannot fucking breathe.

So you're mad that a bunch of people love you enough

to show up

and see you through something awful?

I'm fine.

I've been fine a lot of the time

but everyone just keeps telling me that I'm not.

Well, you're not fine.

I mean...

you tell yourself you should be fine

because what happened to you wasn't that bad

and a lot of other people have had it a lot worse.

Right?

You're not fine.

But you're also not a very good victim.

I mean, you're not, um...

...performing the role well enough for your crew.

I never dropped the charges.

My brother just assumed

and told everyone that I did

and I...

just let them think that.

Why?

I want it to be over so badly.

I just... I thought maybe if I said it out loud

and I tried it on...

I just wanted to know what it would feel like.

And?

What do I do?

I don't know.

All I know is

life is fucking weird

and, uh, nothing

ever, ever turns out the way you planned

which was a lesson hard learned for a Virgo with Virgo rising,

but as long as you keep showing up

this is nothing you can't handle.

Are you gonna, like, tell me

how our periods are synced with the moon

or something now?

Third cycle's in 28 days.

I didn't understand the question.

Eat your shit.

Hey, that's on me.

No.

Yes.

- But... - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

This is the holiday where Indians give shit away to white people for free

Thanks.

Get out.

Hey, guys?

Sam.

In the morning, I am going to go home

and I'm going to take a shower

and I am going to eat with my lawyer

and the next day I am going to testify

at my trial.

And you can come

if you want.

Oh, oh, hey,

- did you turn off the coffee pot? - Yep.

- ...what I think? - Yeah.

Did you ever see his face?

Look, she's been in there 20 minutes, guys.

I'm sure she's fine.

Please. Can you go?

- Yeah. - Megan, go. Go check on her.

- Yeah, I'll go. - Should we all go together?

- Uh... Uh, it's fine. - Um...

- Harper, it's fine. - Just...

Amazing how we always find ourselves in this position.

It's kind of nostalgic, comforting even.

I never, under any circumstances,

in a million years, wanna go back to high school

but right now, I wish I was sitting next to you

on the floor of your parent's bathroom.

Trying to figure out how far we had to stick the end of a toothbrush

down our throat to successfully throw up.

You are so, so brave.

What you are doing is going to help so many people.

That's saying a lot, considering most of the time

you're a manipulative, selfish bitch.

Like, in a cute way?

No.

Not even a little.

I don't wanna be like that.

Do you love him?

I really do.

Hi, Mommy.

Sam.

I'm sorry, I didn't...

I, I don't know how to do this.

It's okay. It's okay.

You're so beautiful.

I got to go take care of something real quick

um, but I will be right back.

Harper, can you just...

- Hi. - Hi.

- How are you? - Uh, uh, good.

Why didn't you just tell me?

If you were still deciding you could've just said that.

I just wanted it to be over.

I tried that on.

When I get up there today you are going to hear details about that night.

Sam, I'm so sorry.

I should've been there. I should be keeping an eye on you.

You can't watch me all the fucking time.

And I know I don't let you. So I see you doing it.

With Harper?

You can't watch her all the fucking time, either.

I need you to do something for me

Okay.

I can't worry about you.

And what you might or might not do. I...

After today, this has to be over.

Let it go.

Please?

Hey.

They're gonnna be ready for you in just a minute.

Thank you.

♪ The chores ♪

♪ The stores ♪

♪ Fresh air ♪

♪ Times Square

♪ You are my wife

♪ Goodbye, city life

♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪

Ms. Vogel? They're ready for you.

No further questions, Your Honor.

Would counsel for the defense like to cross examine the witness?

I would, Your honor.

I used to drink a lot in college.

Uh, what was your alcohol of choice?

How is that relevant?

Answer the question.

Um, I guess, Vodka, mostly.

And you would say that you used to down these drinks in one or two sips?

You were used to doing this because you partied a lot?

I would say I partied a normal amount.

You gave us your height and weight at the initial exam.

Are these numbers radically different than that night?

- No, ma'am. - You claim

that when you said "no," you whispered

as to not wake my client's roommate.

Yes, that's true.

So, you admit then that it's possible

that my client didn't hear you

if you were quietly whispering,

- "No?" - I guess that's possible.

And where was your boyfriend at the time?

- Objection. Asking an answer. - It was...

- That was a decision. - Overruled.

- How many minutes... - Objection...

- Irrelevant. - You remember nothing after that?

Sustained. WOMAN: You were in control of what you were doing.

Your Honor, if I may,

I'd like to be able to address the defendant directly.

You may.

"On a Thursday night almost one year ago,

"I attended an engagement party

"for two of my best friends in the world.

"They'd chosen our old college haunt,

"a favorite sticky dive bar, for the party.

"A bit of nostalgia, a bit of cheapness, I presume.

"I talked to you briefly at the bar

"not knowing that my choosing to be momentarily polite to a stranger

"would render me lost

"assaulted and, ultimately, a victim.

"How horrifying to go out, expecting to be home before midnight

"and instead to wake up stuck to a vinyl bench

"by the blood in your hair

"in the common room of a college dorm

"you do not recognize and did not attend.

"To open your eyes to fluorescent lights

"and the face of a stranger who noticed you

"on their way to an early breakfast.

"How frightening to sit on a cold hospital table

"slipping in and out of consciousness, so nauseous from the tests

"and the alcohol and the concussion

"that you keep wishing you were dead.

"'This body's not mine, ' I reasoned with myself.

"'This body is not mine.'

"A lie I made up to keep me from collapsing.

"'This body is not mine.'

"A mantra I'm still working to unlearn.

"It's been 11 months.

"Do you know how long 11 months is

"when you're invisible to yourself?

"For 11 months, I've had to answer

"to your version of what happened that night.

"A pathetic story that changes sometimes weekly

"at the urging of the people you've hired to bury me.

"Eleven months being gaslit by hired guns in suits.

"I've been made to believe that I'm just confused,

"I have a drinking problem

"that I somehow consented,

"to having my head bashed against your dorm wall,

"and your fingers uninvited and unrelenting up inside me

"while your roommate slept just three feet away.

"That my "No" wasn't the right kind of "No."

"At the handful of innocuous college blackouts

"thrown in my face so many times,

"I stopped knowing which one of us was on trial.

"In this chair, in this court,

"in this system, I am only allowed to exist

"in that one night, in that assault.

"So where can I file the countless

"and incessant assaults that followed it?

"The assaults on my privacy, on my time.

"Assaults in the form of invasive medical exams.

"And perhaps, most devastatingly, the assault on my character.

"You've managed to assault me again and again

"by creating fictitious, consensual events

"forcing a script into my mouth

"ascribing pleasure to a body that was not capable of consent."

I said no.

"No."

"A word that's almost exactly the same in nine languages.

"A word that you pretended not to understand.

"I hope now the word "no" consumes you.

"I hope it's single syllable swallows you whole

"and pricks at the nape of your neck

"and burns itself into the back of your eyelids,

"until at last it is not two small letters

"but an entire sentence to which you are shackled.

"You've taken up so much of my time.

"I refuse to give you another minute of it.

"I'm lucky.

"I have a community that has rallied around me.

"I have friends and siblings who bolstered me and build me back up

"and showed me so much love

"even when I couldn't return it.

"And it's because of them that I'm starting to exist again.

"Exist as a sister and a daughter.

"And a friend and a linguist,

"and a lover and a terrible cook,

"and really good giver of birthday presents.

"I grieve for the Sam you took away from me

"and from them.

"You don't get to have the vast expanse

"of Sams I've yet to become."

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull