Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

I found myself in the darkness,

dripping wet with the heat of it, voice strained in song.

I found myself in the cold earth,

whispers of a time before, ancestors long gone,

and yet we are here in the darkness together,

here with all my relations.

- Hello. - Hello.

So I'm in here, you guys are upstairs,

we're so happy to have you.

Oh, I love these stairs.

What?

The stairs are great.

What?

Stop.

- This is yours... - Oh yeah, this is yours,

yes, yes, yes.

How do you like it?

It's good.

- It's great, yeah. - It's good, yeah.

Get into your uniforms, please.

All right, we will.

Oh, now.

Wait, wait for him.

I'm excited to work with you both.

What are we doing?

You did good, you did good, kid, you did good.

I'm surprised these aren't orange.

Huh?

I'm sorry, there's no service anywhere.

Seems that way.

You okay?

Mm-hm.

- Sorry, it's just work. - Mm-hm.

You'll let me know

if you're not enjoying any of this, right?

Sure.

Okay.

I got to piss.

We'll start standing in Tadasana,

shining the palms forward, gently closing the eyes here,

stacking the shoulders over the hips, hips over the ankles,

we'll inhale, arms raised tall up to the sky,

exhale, palms come down to heart center,

we'll inhale, arms rise...

I found myself in the backwoods, redneck country,

mountain footpaths of the wild and untamed,

in search of the mystic.

♪ Oh there once was a time ♪

♪ When my life was so easy ♪

♪ When I wore a ring ♪

♪ My heart didn't strain ♪

♪ You turned and you touched me ♪

♪ It was too late to turn love away ♪

♪ Oh some say that's cheating ♪

♪ Some say that's life ♪

♪ I say it's part of the game ♪

♪ Let's roll the dice ♪

♪ I'll pay the price ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm gambling on love once again ♪

♪ For life's full of changes ♪

♪ And folks rearranging their lives and their feelings ♪

♪ That ain't nothing new ♪

♪ While they're laughing ♪

♪ They're hurting like me and like you ♪

I am so excited you're all here

and feel so lucky that you're allowing us

to be on your journey with you.

Choosing to work on your relationships

is a powerful decision,

and if at any time you feel uncomfortable or unsafe,

I want you to speak up.

Be brave, move into your fears,

I want you to dig into yourselves.

Are we excited?

Perfect.

Tell me something.

- Tell you something? - Mm-hm.

All right, all right, I think it was our third date,

we were still in the getting to know you phase,

and J asked me what my earliest memory was,

and I told him that it was sitting

in the lap of my great-grandmother,

the southern coast of Jamaica,

and I remember hearing her heartbeat right behind my head,

and feeling my body just move forward

and back with her belly breaths,

watching the tide come in and out,

and I remember the smell of eucalyptus,

sandalwood and Jasmine,

every time I'd smell one of those scents,

I'd say, "That's my great-grandmother."

So flash forward to about a year later,

my birthday, and J gets me,

for my birthday, this bottle, puts it on my desk,

I open it and it's the essence of sandalwood,

eucalyptus and Jasmine, so my great-grandmother's essence,

and he had remembered a year later.

- Stand up. - All right.

Come on.

What do you want, sir?

What do I want?

I want peace.

And?

Prosperity.

You're so good at this.

And?

And I wanna know that I'm enough.

Yes.

- Jean. - Mm.

Hello.

Hi.

Tell me a little.

My 25th birthday, Kord threw me a surprise party,

I'd never had a surprise party, it was really nice.

- Will you stand up for me? - Mm-hm.

What do you need?

- Understanding, I don't know. - Yeah.

What do you wanna say?

Nothing.

Okay.

Okay.

This is really nerve wracking.

Hi, love.

Hi.

I think the thing that's coming

to my head is the ride up here.

I think we had a good time together,

and, you know, I think a few things happened,

but I thought we recovered really well,

and that felt like, you know, a good omen on our way here.

Yeah, you know, I like driving and, you know,

being able to listen to music real loud,

yeah, and I just thought that we did well together,

even when we hit rough patches,

I just felt, yeah, like we did that well.

Yeah.

Stand up.

Who are you?

I think that's a very hard question to answer,

I don't know yet.

Who are you?

I think I wanna say I'm an artist,

but I hate the way that sounds.

Who are you?

I think I'm, like, seeking,

I think I'm, like, a seeker.

There was this time when first started dating,

a couple of months in, she invited me over

and her roommate was gone for the weekend,

and it was snowing, and she mulled some wine,

and I sat there on her couch

and she showed me her music the first time,

and it was so good and I was kind of blown away by it,

and it was really sweet and, yeah,

so I think that's, like, a nice memory, yeah.

Stand up.

Why are you here?

I'm here 'cause we're having some troubles,

and we're, you know, coming here to try

and figure that out, so...

Why are you here?

I'm here to see how I can do my part

to fix our difficulties.

What do you want to do for you?

I guess, I just wanna feel better, I think that's it,

I just wanna feel better, so yeah.

Good.

- Sit down? - Mm-hm.

I'm good, I'm good.

I'm good, I'm good.

I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

I'm good, I'm good.

I'm good, I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm good, I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm so good.

You really are good, I'm good.

- You're good? - Yeah, I'm good.

I'm good.

- You're good? - Yeah, I'm good.

I'm good.

Wanna race?

No, I don't wanna race.

Woo, too late!

Woo!

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Yeah, I'm faster than you. - No, no, no!

You wanted to race, not me!

You're not faster than me.

Stop.

Stop, god, stop.

Oh, god.

She's so poised, right?

Like, her energy reminds me of my yoga teacher in college,

when she touched me, I could just feel my body aligning.

She's nice.

- You don't like it? - Oh, I just don't know yet.

Can you maybe take a day off?

I'm almost done.

I'm gonna go lay down before the next thing.

Okay.

Hey.

Hi.

It smells amazing.

Thank you, I, like, half know what I'm doing,

so I definitely need the reassurance.

Seriously, it smells amazing.

Thanks.

Do you do all the cooking?

I've been here for like a month,

so I do a lot of the cooking

and some maintenance and a lot of support stuff,

yeah, it's, like, a pretty small operation, so...

Yeah, I like that about it.

Yeah, me too.

Actually, can you pass that big bowl?

- Yeah. - Thank you.

So you make music.

Yeah, how'd you know that?

Leah showed me your profiles, so I know everything.

Oh good, that's good, I think.

I was in a band too,

but it was with my ex, so no more band.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

It's okay, I'm here now and it's good for me.

Let's go, let's go, come on!

Woo!

Wow.

Who's got a wheel route?

Oh, I got one, woo.

Whoa!

It's a good effort, though.

Next time you gotta watch the ball all the way in,

keep your eye on it.

Whew, you kind of missed me a little bit, a little.

- Here you go, Kord. - Okay.

Go, Kord!

Woo!

Nice.

You know, my buddy from high school owns a lake house now,

he has, like two, homes he's...

Oh, thanks.

He started this, like, startup thing,

and he's, like, now super fucking rich,

and he and his boyfriend live up there,

I think his boyfriend just wants him for the money,

but the point of the story is the lake house.

Oh, Paul, you wanna hit this?

That is weird.

Yeah.

Are you telling me that story 'cause your friend is gay?

What?

Trying to relate to me by talking about your gay friend?

No, no, no, the story was about the lake,

and then, well, he happens to be gay,

so I talked about his boyfriend,

you know, that's, you know,

I have millions of gay friends, not millions,

I mean, I know...

And I don't even think about it, you know?

I don't think, "That's my gay friend."

That's my, just, friends, it's all people.

You know he's fucking with you, right?

Oh, fuck, you got me.

I was sitting here, like,

- you are stone cold... - Sorry, man.

When you wanna be, Jesus.

Just wanted to see you explain your way out of it.

Well, I did a pretty good job of that, I think.

No, you did not.

Fuck you, fuck you.

Gay friend.

Oh, Paul, I wanted ask you,

what's the deal with all the farmers?

They're on silent retreat.

That guy just smoked half the joint.

Oh my god.

- Silent retreat? - Mm-hm.

A bunch of old farmers...

- Silent... - On a silent retreat?

Profound, man.

White people.

- It's so pretty. - Yeah.

I'm really glad we came.

Me too.

I found myself in murky waters,

silent, muddy rivers,

sunshine, warm on my shoulders,

floating the fearless voyage down wet,

- winding roads toward home. - Wet, winding roads

toward home.

I guess I just kind of wanna feel better,

that's what keeps coming to my head.

What are you doing here?

Just wanted to check in, how are they?

Good.

Anybody stick out?

Not yet.

Mind if I hang for a bit?

I'm hungry.

Do I have a choice?

Ooh, I guess that means yes.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,

and I had put away my labor

and my leisure too, for his civility.

We passed a school where children strove

at recess in the ring,

we passed a field of gazing grain,

we passed the setting sun, or rather he passed us.

The dews drew quivering and chill,

for all the gossamer on my gown,

my tippet, only tool.

We paused before a house

that seemed a swelling of the ground,

the roof was scarcely visible,

the corners in the ground.

Since then 'tis centuries,

and yet feels shorter

than the day I first surmised the horses heads

were toward eternity.

Wow, that's heavy.

Wow, that's really good.

I haven't even touched my food yet.

Thank you.

Dinner was good, thanks.

Anytime.

Theo, don't you think?

I do.

I found myself in the dead of night,

body riving under moonlight,

fire, licking and tasting night air,

shadows, dancing beyond,

phantom wisps and wraiths fleeing the light.

Where'd you go?

I just needed a break.

You wanna go to bed?

Mm-hm.

Okay.

What you working on?

Just sketching.

That's good.

Do you like me?

What?

Do I like you?

Do you?

Of course, of course.

Is this okay?

Wait, hey, hey.

I'm here to see how I can do my part

to fix our difficulties.

Yo.

Yo.

Good stuff?

Yes.

- Yes? - Yes.

You know, you looked pretty sexy in that uniform.

I hate that word.

- Uniform? - Mm.

Yeah, it's a bad word.

- Sexy. - Sexy.

Do you like it here?

Sure.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I'll go slow.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Yes, yes, I'll go slow.

Softer.

Don't stop, just do it softer.

Whoa, whoa.

Why'd you stop?

I'm sorry.

Sorry, I just...

If I'm, okay.

Just stop.

Just stop.

If...

If I'm...

If I'm enjoying it, just don't stop, right?

Yeah.

Mm-hm.

I know.

All right, I have to go.

Hey, sorry, that was, um...

How are you?

You okay?

Yeah, that was just my ex.

Yeah, I figured.

What kind of music do you play?

It's a bit like sad songs mostly.

- Exclusively sad songs? - Sad songs, yeah.

Will you play one?

You don't have to if you don't want to.

Yeah, no, I want to, okay.

Okay, yeah, it's, like, a work in progress, but...

♪ In the idle minutes ♪

♪ When you're half asleep ♪

♪ Promise me ♪

♪ You won't forget what we were like when we were young ♪

♪ Cutting corners ♪

♪ Still a few tricks up our sleeves ♪

♪ But for now ♪

♪ Something just won't align ♪

♪ Finally singing ♪

♪ I don't wanna lie, lie ♪

♪ From the outside looking in ♪

♪ I see the whole world without buildings ♪

♪ Thought the mountains were the sea ♪

♪ Woke up too fast from the dream ♪

♪ When I can't be somebody's woman ♪

♪ And nobody can be my woman ♪

I found myself in the dead of night,

body writhing under moonlight,

fire, licking and tasting night air,

shadows, dancing beyond,

phantom wisps and wraiths fleeing the light.

Oh shit, hey, y'all still sleeping?

Seeing if you wanna come with?

Where?

You got tennis shoes somewhere?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, let's go.

I already ate, let's go, come on.

Come on, keep your torso up.

Yeah, yeah.

Relax, there you go.

You're doing great, come on, just a little further.

Come on, come on.

Whew.

Hold up, hold up, woo.

What's the matter, you tired?

No.

I've been doing this every day since I've been here.

How long is that?

Six months.

I haven't run since college.

I think you find out a lot about who you really are

when you're so tired from running,

you can't keep your head up.

How long you gonna stay here?

As long as possible.

Wow.

You should too.

You should.

Listen, you got to dig deeper, you know?

That's what we're all trying to do.

Come on, let's go, woo!

Okay, deep breath in, and out.

Good, again in, and out.

Good, raise those arms and circle.

Very good, circle, a little faster,

good, push, push, faster, get that chin up,

good, chest up, nicely done,

get that chest up, come on.

Faster, faster, reverse.

Good, faster, faster, faster, faster, and down.

I don't think we should do it anymore.

That's your response to this?

Mm-hm.

Okay, at least that's consistent.

Why're you being so such dramatic about this?

I'm not being dramatic, I'm not a child.

I mean, I know you're not, but sometimes it's...

Why can't you just be happy with me?

You think it's so simple, it's never simple,

so I don't really know where to go.

I just feel silly, you know?

I would be surprised if it didn't feel silly.

Now, work through that.

All right.

In three years, I don't wanna be working at a job I hate,

I wanna make a living doing what I care about,

I wanna make music that...

I'm sorry, can you not do that, please?

Okay.

Sorry, it's just...

Okay, I wanna make music that feels like me

and share it with the world.

I don't even know what that means.

Stop criticizing yourself, that's just self-judgment.

Yeah, well I just want

to spend my time doing what I care about.

Which is?

Music.

Yeah, music, lots of music.

Yeah.

Julia, that's your sentence.

What?

We all have a mantra that we have

to dig into ourselves, that's yours.

Spend my time doing what I care about.

Yeah.

How about you?

Yeah, I wrote, in three years,

I wanna live in a bigger apartment with Julia,

I wanna feel less burdened by the city,

I wanna be in touch with myself, I just wanna be happy.

- That's great. - Yeah.

I wrote more, but it's stupid so I crossed it out.

More in touch with yourself,

that's a good thing to work on.

I want you to think of this as a safe space

for you to get more in touch with yourself.

Okay.

I'm so excited for the two of you.

You have so much to work on.

Yeah.

Go ahead and close your eyes.

What do you hear?

Bugs, the wind, I don't know.

Just relax your shoulders, you're all right.

Breath through the tension.

Easy.

I want you to listen to each sound, okay?

And all you have to do is just acknowledge them,

just one, by one, by one.

Jean? ♪ He's able to hear ♪

♪ He's the one. ♪

♪ He's able to hear, he's the one ♪

♪ That lives outward and low ♪

Just breathe,

breathe with me.

♪ He's able to hear, he's the one. ♪

One, by one, by one.

♪ He's able to hear, he's the one ♪

Jean?

How're you doing, buddy?

I think I'm not very good at this stuff.

Why?

♪ That lives outward and low ♪

Yeah.

Wait.

Yeah, yeah.

This is so good.

No, I haven't figured out...

Oh my god.

Like, how to, I don't know,

like, bring that other thing back,

and just, like, finish, you know?

- And it's... - It's so good.

It's not done yet.

It's really exciting.

Have you shown people, how have you shown Theo?

No, no, it's just not done,

I just, like, I don't feel, no.

How did you know that it was, like, over with Emma?

I don't know, I guess I'm still kind of figuring it out.

Yeah, it's like every time she calls,

I feel like I'm just sinking back

into who I was when I was with her,

and, yeah, I'm really scared of...

I just can't be like that anymore.

I think it's hard when you've,

like, formed a habit of how to be with somebody, you know?

Just to it out of that, 'cause it...

Yeah.

Your song was so good.

It could be good, I think is what you're trying to say.

No, it's amazing.

Like, maybe it could be good far into the future.

It's so good.

Thank you, thank you.

You seem different.

I am different.

I'm sorry I was awkward last night.

You don't have to apologize.

Okay.

I want you to look Jean in the eye,

tell him what turns you on.

What?

Okay.

Sorry, all right, I want to make you feel good,

I want you to be excited to be with me.

What do you want?

Not in terms of Jean,

in terms of you, in terms of Kord?

I don't know.

Well, think harder.

I guess I wanna get out of my head.

What's in your head?

- Indecision. - About?

Whether or not you wanna be with me,

it always feels like your mind's somewhere else.

What's wrong with that?

What do you want, Jean?

Grip.

Grip?

This is what I get, that's what I want.

I don't know what that means.

It's not important.

I don't wanna control you,

I always wanna give you your space...

That's not what I mean.

I never wanna be the person in your life

that threatens your independence...

That's not what I'm saying...

I just wanna support you.

Okay.

Paul.

Show him.

Sorry, I don't wanna do this anymore.

It's okay, it's okay, stay in the room.

Sometimes I like to be controlled, it turns me on,

it's different from how you're thinking about it.

Okay, that makes sense to me.

It does?

It does.

It seems like he's really trying, doesn't it?

Can you thank Jean for his honesty?

Thank you.

Good work.

Julia, Theo.

Slowly and quietly tell him your desires time.

Time.

I need you to slow down when we're together,

I wish you'd take your time with me.

- What does that mean? - Listen.

I can't just turn it on,

there's not a button for me, and then you rush.

If you don't wanna have sex with me,

you can just tell me, you can say that.

Theo, you're not listening to Julia,

that's not what she's saying.

She's saying she needs more time.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

What about you, Theo?

What do you need?

I want you to be turned on by me.

To her.

I want you to be turned on by me.

I am.

You're not, you're not.

Express that more.

Like, we'll kiss and I'll be good,

and then all of a sudden something switches

and you're just, you're, like, repulsed by me.

That's not true.

Listen to what he's saying,

not how you wanna respond.

When we first started,

all I cared about was what he wanted,

all I cared about was what you wanted,

what you wanted, and I ever thought about myself,

and I don't even know where that comes from,

it comes from so far back.

It's fucked up, because when I think about what I want,

there's so much, I can't...

I'm sorry.

- Hi. - Hi.

Did you find something you like?

I did.

Oh, great.

I love your shop.

Well, thank you very much.

What's that?

Let's see, you mean this?

That's.

What's?

means land of the owls.

What's that?

There was a community

that started in the area in the '70s,

they were from the city

and came up here and we're just a lot.

Eventually it died down,

city folk tend to have ideas about the country,

that don't quite pan out.

- Woo! - Woo!

Hey, hey, it's time to go.

What?

I said, it's time to go.

Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna go to that.

What do you mean?

I told you I wanted to work.

But it's a part of it.

- Fine. - You know what?

Fine, I'm just saying it's part of it.

I'm gonna go.

Okay, good.

I'm gonna go, I wanna finish this,

I'll meet you upstairs, okay?

Okay.

You were feisty last night.

Drinking and dancing help.

It can be like that even

when you aren't fucked up, you know?

All right.

I'll let you know if I don't like it,

you know what I mean?

I do.

So I think I wanna move.

What?

I just started thinking.

You wanna live here?

No, not here, just not there.

It feels new, I wanna explore that.

You wanna live in a house like this?

This one's a little big.

Inhale, the arms rise up to the sky,

shining the palms towards each other,

take a big inhale and exhale,

the palms to heart center.

Standing tall in Tadasana, shining the palms forward,

as you inhale, the arms rise up to the sky,

shining the palms towards each other,

exhale, palms to heart center,

inhale, arms rise, exhale, swan dive forward,

leading with the heart here.

I think a Airbnb is a good idea

'cause you can make a lot every night,

and even, like, you know,

make some extra money, you know?

You can get, like, a nanny cam or something,

it's all pre-screened, right?

How long would we do that?

I don't know, like three months,

Paul's been here for like three months.

What are you standing ,

I mean, I think it's a good idea, right?

I don't know, you're just bringing it up, I don't know.

My mind is somewhere else a lot of the time,

but I guess not so much somewhere else

as it is deeper inside myself.

It's my own little world,

it's how I make sense of everything,

it's where I feel closest to myself,

but it does steal me away

from the rest of the world sometimes, from you.

I don't want you to ever feel unsure

about whether or not I wanna be with you because I do,

and I'm sorry if I haven't done enough

to make you feel that way.

Three years from now,

I want you to feel like I've never wanted you more,

I wanna communicate that to you,

to speak up about it, to show you,

I wanna have opened a door for you

into the parts of me

that might still feel mysterious to you.

Keep asking me what I'm thinking about,

and I promise I'll always tell you the truth,

I may not always have the words,

but I promise to always keep searching for them.

Every Thursday morning,

I go on a run with Lily, as you know.

Rain, shine, all nighter on a case,

we make that run,

it's my one guaranteed time a week

to just talk about the firm, about our lives, about you.

Lily made partner at 33, it's fucking incredible, 33,

you know I don't have idols, but she's damn near close,

plus she's the only runner I know who can keep pace with me,

I'm only kidding, I keep pace with her.

But every Thursday morning I think,

"I can do it, "I can be like Lily."

Three years, fuck it's easy,

for me, for you, for us.

I just wanna take care of you,

I don't mean that in a patronizing way,

I mean that I wanna celebrate you,

I wanna honor you, I love you.

I Love you too.

I love you so much.

Why don't you go ahead and close your eyes?

Just ease into the weight

that you're allowing into the chair.

Feel the breath through your nostrils.

Close your eyes, Julia.

You don't wanna close your eyes?

It's up to you.

- Hi. - Hi.

Where you headed?

I don't think it's gonna work out.

Are you sure?

I wish you'd stay.

Were you here back in the day?

Yeah, I grew up here.

What's your end goal?

I just want to help people.

Good luck.

Yeah.

I got to leave.

Me too.

All your experience, all of your successes and failures,

everything you've ever learned has led you to this place.

Listen to the sounds of the forest.

Just breathe.

I want you to open your eyes.

That's good.

It's okay.

Can you feel the urge to chase?

It's okay.

I feel...

Release it, release it, release it,

Theo, release it, breathe.

Listen to me, you breathe, breathe through the feeling.

I found myself in the darkness,

dripping wet with the heat of it,

voice strained in song, bones ringing in anthem,

a song I never knew I knew.

Bodies packed atop steaming soil,

red coals hissing, whispers of a time before.

Ancestors long gone,

and yet we are here in the darkness together,

here, with all my relations.

♪ A thousand better things ♪

♪ He's able to see, he's the one ♪

♪ He's able to see, he's the one ♪

♪ That lives outward and low ♪

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