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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,200
Scare prank number one.
2
00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:08,880
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
3
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SHE ROARS
HE SHOUTS
4
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:13,760
Oi, I dropped my energy drink!
5
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,600
SHE ROARS
HE SHOUTS
6
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,120
I dropped my energy drink!
7
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:24,840
SHE ROARS
Oi!
8
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I dropped my energy drink.
9
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:28,640
SHE ROARS
10
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Holy...! I've dropped
my energy drink!
11
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,560
HE GIGGLES
12
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:34,400
Sophie, I'm going to get you.
13
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:39,240
Sophie!
14
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,200
What are you two doing
in Sophie's room?
15
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SHE ROARS
16
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,240
I've dropped my energy drink!
17
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:58,760
Sorry, if this is a shock for you,
to see your father with a man.
18
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,680
No, we know he's with men.
He's a gay one, innit?
19
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,720
I thought you were kissing
that bloke David from
20
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,080
swimming at the moment, anyway?
21
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:05,920
Don't talk about David in
front of Stephen.
22
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,520
I don't know why you can't kiss
in your room, leaving bloody kiss
23
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:09,760
all over both of our pillows.
24
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,200
How can I kiss Stephen
in my poxy baby bed?
25
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,000
My room is smaller than a grape.
26
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,320
Is your room small? I've never been
in there. Don't lie, you're always
27
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,520
in there bloody nicking
his hiding chocolates.
28
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,720
No, he hides his chocolates
with the freezer meat.
29
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:24,400
Well, don't think I don't know
about your chocolate secrets, man.
30
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Every time I see you, you've got
little brown there. I don't have any chocolate secrets! Excuse me, now!
31
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,000
I want you both to move
out, please. What?
32
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Quickly... You said that so quickly.
33
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,680
We are both very nice and shy,
34
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:39,680
and I want to be in love with
Stephen in private, very gently.
35
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:44,600
OK, I'll move out. I don't want it,
thank you. I peg...your garden? Beg.
36
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,680
Where are you getting the money
to move out? Come on.
37
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,680
Julian's been giving me 50 quids,
so I've got, like, four now.
38
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,240
Bravo, Sophie, darling.
39
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,920
What a wonderful reaction to this.
40
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,560
Well, how sensual will you still be
41
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,840
with your gold that's
spilling out of your head?
42
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,160
It's a very expensive time for me.
What's expensive?
43
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,680
Carole's expecting a baby.
44
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:02,760
It's not your baby.
45
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,840
I mean, what... Why is
that a good point?
46
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,840
Is the only way.
47
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,440
I really want to live with
you, Dad, instead.
48
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:12,320
Stathi, maybe we could
live with each other?
49
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,800
Obviously. Who else am I going to
live with, Donald Trump?
50
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,800
Maybe we get a one room each
51
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,960
and then I wouldn't have to leave
the room every time I do a sneeze.
52
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,560
You make her do this?
53
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,720
Yeah. What, you sneeze in
the room you sleep?
54
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:27,800
It's so disgraceful.
55
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,680
Dad knows how much
I love living with him.
56
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,000
He's wicked, man.
57
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,800
Oh, yes, so, so wicked.
58
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,360
Are you OK?
59
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,400
You look very, very foul.
60
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,600
Actually, Tomoko took her
mattress after the break-up,
61
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,800
so I've just been on the wooden
planks of the bed frame.
62
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,280
It's a very weak wood, so...
63
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,960
Is that not comfortable
at all, then, or nice?
64
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,400
Is that not comfortable
at all or nice?
65
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,440
You OK, Dean?
66
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,080
I'm sure you'll be fine, Stath.
67
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,280
You know, you're such
a capable colonel.
68
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,640
Where do you reckon you'll move?
69
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,560
I'd like to be close to you,
you old wise feather,
70
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,120
for a shoulder to cry on,
a shoulder to talk to.
71
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,000
Where do you live, again?
72
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,200
A couple of hours north.
Penturney Street, West Birmingham,
73
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,000
right next to the low
security prison.
74
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:18,720
It's a pretty scary square mile,
but, but cheap...ish.
75
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,400
Why do you want to live there?
76
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,200
Uh, I think I'm going to be sick.
77
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,520
We should live together. Oh!
78
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:27,240
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. It has to
be, that's the idea! Wow.
79
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,320
I'm crawling to you
because we're doing it!
80
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,160
All right, we're living together!
AL LAUGHS
81
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,320
Right, no? I... I... I've got
my bedframe to move.
82
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,640
I'm not sure I can.
Are you serious tonight?!
83
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,600
Imagine me, you and Sophie
living together.
84
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,560
I'd bloody wake up every
morning and scream from delight!
85
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,040
Sophie would be living with us? Yes.
86
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,240
Would she be chilled with
that, or...or not? Yeah!
87
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,920
She'd be so bloody chilled out,
she'd be asleep from here.
88
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,520
You're a priest!
89
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,200
Who doesn't want to live with
a young...grey priest?
90
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,320
I'm not a priest, but...
91
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,480
Please, Ali. Ha, yeah, I... Ohhh.
92
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,240
Dang it, I'll live with you guys!
93
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,400
Ah-way!
94
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,560
Oh. You OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
95
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,760
Had a bit of an accident? Are
you OK? Yeah, I'm all right.
96
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,040
I'm going to start looking now!
97
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,480
Oh, yo, yo, yo. I actually saw
a cheapish-looking three-bed.
98
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,720
It doesn't have a floor at the
moment... No, striff that.
99
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,680
We're not looking here.
I'm not looking at properly here, up Julian's bum.
100
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,560
We're luxury boys, innit?
We've got to look for a luxury property, innit?
101
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,400
We'll go Smethwicks. I'll get a deal
there, trust, trust, trust, trust.
102
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,760
And Sophie's definitely going to
live with us? Yeah, yeah.
103
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,240
We should get Dean involved
as well, the three closest friends, innit, living together!
104
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:26,760
We'd be doing bloody skate
tricks all night! Skate. Brap!
105
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:27,880
No, never.
106
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,200
Absolutely no chance. 1,000% no.
107
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,040
Me and you and him, living together?
108
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,720
And I have to hear you chat shit
here all day and then go home
109
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,240
and chat shit in more rooms?
110
00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,240
I'd rather live here, at my desk.
111
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,280
Oh, Dean.
112
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,680
So, I won't require maternity leave.
113
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:45,360
I'll just take two days off
sick, you know, max,
114
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,400
for the birth or whatever.
You won't even miss me.
115
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,640
Just sort of see it
as a long loo break.
116
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,280
HE SCOFFS
Laughter? Vile. What?
117
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,240
Sorry. You're talking about having
a baby like taking a shit.
118
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,200
Ah! Yes, Dean.
HE LAUGHS
119
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,520
Look, I'm chill with it.
It's your body.
120
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,560
Right. But, you know, if your
work starts to slip,
121
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,960
we'll just have to make
you go part-time. No!
122
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,080
They are right, Carole.
123
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,560
Well, it's a celebration, anyway,
124
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,000
cos me and Al have just decided
we're going to live together.
125
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,520
And we're actually going to
look for a flat
126
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,440
with a very strong sense
of...babies.
127
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:19,120
I'm happy to chip in time to raise
the little, what, fella,
128
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,920
even if it's not mine.
129
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,280
And it's definitely not mine,
is it, very...preciously?
130
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,960
No. No, it's definitely not yours.
131
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,520
Then why won't you tell me who
is fathering it, then, Carole?
132
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,920
Oh, right, fine.
133
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:32,960
It's Clerk.
134
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,760
Sorry, what is Clerk?
135
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,000
The dad. Clerk, OK?
He's my on/off boyf.
136
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,120
He's smart and he makes bags. There.
137
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,120
Yeah, I get that, but why
do you keep saying Clert?
138
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,000
Is Stath excited to live with me?
139
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,320
Yeah.
140
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,720
He does know about it, too.
141
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:49,840
Oh, my God, Sophie.
142
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,880
Mm. Do you think he will
bring Al to the flat?
143
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,560
He's single, he's quiet. No. I just
want to live my life, you know?
144
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:59,520
Drink hot drinks and just make some
good quality music for once.
145
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:00,600
Yeah.
146
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,400
Living together is going
to be Katia-banger city. Oh!
147
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,680
♪ Welcome to the house where
our love is free
148
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,920
♪ Making tracks and ideas. ♪
149
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,480
Oh, my God.
150
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:11,840
All right, Sophie? I've got
a surprise for you.
151
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,360
Guess who's living with us.
152
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:14,720
What, Katia?
153
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:19,160
No. No, it's the thing...
It's... Drum hit...
154
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,040
Al, Al.
AL LAUGHS
155
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,240
CAR BEEPS HORN
156
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,320
If you guys aren't comfortable with
this, I can just scram right now.
157
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,240
Four's a lot. No, four's OK.
158
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,800
We'll just get a toaster that
does four toasts, innit?
159
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,960
Once toast each.
160
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,040
Wait, are you OK with four?
161
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,080
Oh, God, yeah.
162
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,160
Well, I hope everyone likes
to get crazy.
163
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,760
I don't go loco, solo. Yeah.
164
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,720
I love to get crazy.
165
00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,080
Obviously I love to get crazy,
166
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:50,920
but usually I like to do it with my
sister or my close friends like Al,
167
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,240
and NOT YOU, Katia!
168
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:58,160
Come on, Stathi, it could be
like Friends, innit, on telly.
169
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:02,840
Oh, wow. Yeah. Cos we're all friends
and cos we're so funny.
170
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,400
THEY LAUGH
Hello, hello.
171
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,840
Are you here for the view?
Ah, hi, Robbie.
172
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,160
Sorry, I thought
you were the viewers.
173
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,160
Turns out you're assholes.
174
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,920
I actually don't know the girls.
175
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,840
And you're Al, right?
I hear you're a nice guy.
176
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,400
No, I'm not sure about that.
Yeah, well, we are the viewers, OK.
177
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,160
It's a shame on your name.
178
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,360
And tour us around the
property, please.
179
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,760
You want to look at
a Smethwicks property?
180
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,160
HE CHUCKLES
181
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,360
Christ.
182
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,480
Well, I hope you like it.
183
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,600
So do we, obviously. I want to...
I would love to live here. Yeah.
184
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:34,840
Well, it is nice. OK, stop
talking to me like you know me,
185
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:38,440
and shake my hand like a
professional boy and tour me.
186
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,960
Well, customer's always right,
I guess.
187
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,880
You bastard? What? Oh!
188
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,160
Argh!
189
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,200
He got me!
190
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,040
Ugh! All right, shall we head in?
191
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,920
Please keep your hands
inside the carriage.
192
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,480
The kitchen area. As you can see,
a bit of a hefty mother.
193
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,840
Yeah. Yeah. Soak it in.
194
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,480
I like to think of it as kind
of freaking aircraft carrier.
195
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,440
Yeah, and I was thinking...when
I come in here that it's sort of,
196
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,800
like, it's spaceful enough that
you really can just take a walk
197
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,920
into the room, right.
Excuse me. Oh, my God.
198
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,720
Come on, have a go.
I'm doing the tour, mate.
199
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,360
Because it is really...
You can, innit?
200
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,920
It's like the Serengali.
201
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,080
And that's going to be
exercise for your...head...
202
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:18,800
What is going on?
..exercise for your leg.
203
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,520
And the cool thing about this is
that it's basically so high-powered
204
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,760
that it's effectively...
What are you doing over there?
205
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,800
I'm just showing them different
things here. I'm showing you the microwave!
206
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,440
BOTH: And that really is a
lovely handle.
207
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:29,640
BOTH: That is a lovely handle.
208
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,040
Stop. I can say whatever I want
to say. You're just copying me!
209
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,600
That is a lovely handle. Why does
this guy love handles so much?
210
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:35,680
It's one finger only.
211
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,200
It's got windows, which means that
212
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,160
if you're lucky, you can see
the sun outside. Aw.
213
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,480
A natural glory kind of a thing.
214
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,840
Can you please let me? It's natural.
Can you please let me?
215
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,120
Yeah, that's what we want.
216
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,800
There's a free standing tub,
a lot of space to lather.
217
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,480
And is there an area to keep
a lot of lotions?
218
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,720
This cupboard's got
a lot of personality.
219
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,600
IN A HILLBILLY ACCENT:
Doctor, I think there's something wrong with me jackets.
220
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,000
HE LAUGHS
221
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,440
Oh, can I have this room?
222
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,560
No, I want this room, Katia!
223
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,880
Why you so rude every time?
You've got issues for real deal!
224
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,960
Now, hold on, wait, are you
guys not sharing a room?
225
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,280
No. This is a three-bed.
226
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,800
Are you the couple?
227
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,120
No, I'm... I'm single now.
228
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,160
No, I'm single now.
229
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,640
Maybe get together?
230
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:16,800
You're both weird.
231
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,200
It's a three-bed, perfect.
232
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,760
Look how awkward you made it now!
Don't ask private suggestions, man.
233
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,440
Are you two OK that he asked you
about being a couple? No, it's fine.
234
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,360
Oh, it's made it, like,
awkward, innit? Tsk!
235
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,000
HE SIGHS
236
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,800
Don't do that!
237
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,680
Well, don't do what you're doing.
238
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:36,640
As you can see, it's probably a bit
nicer than you lot are used to.
239
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:37,720
No.
240
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,880
But it would be great
if you wanted it.
241
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,560
So, you guys interested?
242
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,120
Uh, yeah, we want it.
243
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,920
I just think it's gorgeous.
I love it. How much, sir?
244
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,440
Yeah, what can you do for me, dude?
245
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,360
It's 3,500 per month, so...
246
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:52,720
It's 3,500.
247
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,400
Look, I know the tricks.
248
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,280
I want the cool r...rates.
249
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:57,520
It's 3,500 per month.
250
00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:00,920
I've done mate's rates before for
people, but we don't get on at all.
251
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,840
Pfft!
252
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,960
I was keen for you offer a much
cheaper price than you have.
253
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,160
Don't hit me! I know you were,
I heard you the first time
254
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,440
and you're not going to get it.
255
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,840
Well, your breath stinks!
Don't say that!
256
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,040
Get off me! You are such
a pain in the neck!
257
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,240
Get involved, get involved,
get involved.
258
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:18,720
You...!
259
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,000
O..OK.
260
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,720
I'm going to...! Oh.
261
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,800
Are you annoyed? No.
SHOUTING OUTSIDE
262
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,040
Good.
263
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,080
Yes.
264
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,360
Oh, my God, why?
265
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,040
Your brother treat me
like I'm a bra full of shit.
266
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,800
Sorry, bae.
267
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,160
Stath's acting fruitcake
268
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,040
because he's desp to still
live with our dad.
269
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,280
He's longing. Yeah, you're both two
slices of bloody fruitcake.
270
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,720
You just want to live with Al
because you love his cold dick.
271
00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:44,040
I don't want to! And you love... No.
272
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,920
Scratch my heart, man.
273
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,880
And I haven't even seen his cold...
274
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,880
WHISPERING: ..dick.
Come and live in my flat now.
275
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,280
Us two, bae.
276
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,160
It's cheap, cheap, cheap
and the owner let me crouch
277
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,320
in small cupboard to make our music.
278
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,400
I don't like crouching,
it gives me crunchy tummy.
279
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:05,160
Sophie, diva, I love you, bae,
280
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,000
but you are V, V, V basic.
281
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,160
HE SIGHS
282
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,440
HE GROANS
283
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,080
In the back, please, Al. Thanks.
284
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,400
HE SIGHS
285
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,520
Ugh.
286
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:20,200
I had a fight with our boy, and
I got him down to £3,500 a month.
287
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,960
Yeah! Heh-heh.
288
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,000
I mean that...that's
what it was to start.
289
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,480
OK, we have problem.
290
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:31,040
Sophie like you both, but I would
rather live in the stinging nettles
291
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,280
than with you, Stath,
and you, skeleton.
292
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:36,880
So, bye-bye, bitch. I'm out of here.
293
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,960
Have a good life...don't!
294
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,480
Drop the microphone.
295
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,400
If you want to hang out
soon, let me know.
296
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,440
What?
297
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,560
Has she gone? Goodbye, Katia.
298
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,160
Oh, that's much better.
299
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,760
Right, I didn't want
to say anything,
300
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,920
but I, actually, really didn't want
to live with her anyway. Mm.
301
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,880
Why do you need someone to show
you around a property that
302
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,440
you showed someone around?
303
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,680
OK, if you show us, you can see
304
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:12,160
if it would be a suitable place to
bring a baby as a guest, et cetera.
305
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,440
Oh, maybe I should bring along
306
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,600
the baby's father on the tour,
see what he thinks.
307
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,880
I'm sorry, but if you're going
to make up a boyfriend,
308
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,320
don't call it a name like Clerk.
309
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,760
Why ain't Carole doing it?
I was eating my sandwiches.
310
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,240
I think Stath rattled her.
311
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,440
It's a tense time.
312
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:26,480
Yeah?
313
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,720
The truth can be rattling, innit?
314
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:29,880
OK.
315
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,120
You need me to actually show you?
316
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,640
I swear I've been here before.
317
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,360
This looks pretty fresh.
318
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,480
Yeah, it does. Yeah.
319
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,440
It does. It ticks all of the boxes.
No, not this one.
320
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,680
Why? It's just the flat
itself feels a bit hasty.
321
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,280
Does that make sense to anyone?
322
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,040
Basically, I tried to fix the shower
and now it's just on always.
323
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,640
But I did make it so it now
goes out the window
324
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:57,760
instead of in the hallway.
325
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,240
It was sodden out here before.
326
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,240
Oh, man.
327
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,920
SMASHING
328
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:07,560
Oh, man, this is one...the
flat that's on a slant.
329
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,280
Fuck's sake.
330
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,720
Why do you look nervous?
331
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,480
It's not your fault it's like this.
332
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,760
Hard to explain, but weirdly it is.
333
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,480
I may have caused
a smell in this one.
334
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:20,800
Don't even.
335
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:21,840
All right, then.
336
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,120
Going down.
337
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:31,600
What was that posh man saying
earlier about us...
338
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,800
In a couple? ..going out? Yeah.
339
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,520
Crackers or what? Yes!
340
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,000
Yes. Oh, it's crazy, yeah.
341
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,800
Yeah, I mean, you know,
why can't we just be buds?
342
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,280
Please.
343
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,440
Yeah, you know, I know you're
going to bring back some
344
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:50,160
little dudes to the flat
and, you know, that's nice,
345
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,960
that's natural, that's...
That's what I'm all about.
346
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,800
I know you're going to bring back,
probably, seven tall girls.
347
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,400
OK. And then you're going to come to
the kitchen and you've made a meal,
348
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,280
and it's probably spicy.
349
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,560
Yeah. Cos you like it spicy.
Yes, I do.
350
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,880
And then I'll say to everyone,
"Watch out, there's chillies."
351
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,880
Oh, I'm sure they'd appreciate that.
352
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,160
It's a wall, it shouldn't
smell of nothing.
353
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,040
It's not the wall,
it's the paint on the wall.
354
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,440
The builders, I told you,
they were using that paint bucket
355
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,840
as a potty and then they mixed
that with the paint, the wee.
356
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,120
It's barely my fault.
357
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,440
You all right? Yeah.
358
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,720
No-one ever sat in the
front seat before.
359
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,040
Lucky man.
360
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,000
You've got luck on your side.
361
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,240
Where to next...poker player?
362
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,960
No, I'm banning you.
You're banned from Michael & Eagle.
363
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,320
What? And I know what you two earn,
you don't get no commissions.
364
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,440
Oh, it's extra money you get
for letting a flat. Oh.
365
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,640
Go to, like, a proper cheap agency
where they don't know you.
366
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,640
My dickhead cousin works for one,
but it's fine.
367
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:53,800
You know American Let's?
368
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,160
There's a agency called
American Let's!
369
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,640
Did you hear that, Sophie?
370
00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,760
Howli, Parker.
371
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,040
Tsss. What's that?
372
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,760
That's a rope. A cowboy's rope.
373
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,280
Very good.
374
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,760
All right. Stath? Yeah?
375
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:12,680
I've just been thinking,
and I think it's better for me
376
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:18,800
to live among women,
so I'm going to move in with Katia.
377
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,000
Why? Why?
378
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,160
I don't know.
379
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,880
But, what? Sophie!
380
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:33,840
DOG BARKS
381
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,680
Easy, easy, easy. What's easy?
382
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,240
MAN LAUGHS
383
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,040
-What, you men here for 1109
-C, yeah?
384
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,520
Oh, yeah. What? Yeah, yeah.
385
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,520
American Let's, boy.
386
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:44,600
HE LAUGHS
387
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,920
Eh, you are too funny.
You men are jokers, you are!
388
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:48,400
My gosh.
389
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,600
Right.
390
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,760
What's your names, then?
What's your names, boys?
391
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,200
Oh, I'm Stath and this is Alistair.
392
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,480
My man's a joker, you know!
393
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:55,920
What, Alis...?
HE LAUGHS
394
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,040
You lot are jokers.
You're jokers, you're jokers.
395
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,280
And your name...?
396
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:01,200
Bits. Bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bits, all right.
397
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,080
Hey, listen, boys,
I got a good feeling
398
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,640
about this property, you know,
399
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,640
I think this is the one,
you know, yeah? OK.
400
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,840
You men are jokers, you know?
401
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,640
Why are we jokers, though?
402
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,120
Ooh, ah.
403
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,920
This place is live! Well, do you
like it, yeah? It's yours, take it.
404
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,640
Done deal, done deal, done deal.
I'm not even in the ruddy thing yet.
405
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,160
Sorry, Bits, it's 990 a month,
two beds, right?
406
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,680
990 a month? Yep.
407
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,320
But it's so nice, man.
408
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:28,760
Why is it so cheap, fam?
409
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,360
Probably because there's a
bloody...a whole wall on the floor!
410
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,200
No doors. Just ropes, innit.
411
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,880
No doors, just ropes.
412
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,320
Just ropes.
413
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,360
Rope.
414
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,280
No secrets, innit? Just ropes. You
shouldn't keep saying about ropes
415
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:42,520
if you want us to rent the flat.
416
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,080
That's a bad thing.
What is that room?
417
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,440
There's nothing in it, it's just
bricks and broken glass.
418
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,680
This is the brick room, innit?
Hey, Al, talk to your boy.
419
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:49,760
Why is there a brick room?
420
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,720
I don't think there should be
a brick room, Bits.
421
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:55,080
How is it the bathroom? There's
no baths or toilets or taps.
422
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,480
What's this about?
423
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:57,640
Dogs, innit?
424
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,280
They're coming to see
the...bathroom.
425
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,920
You all right, boy? Yeah,
but how did they get into the flat?
426
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,040
Because there's no doors,
there's just the ropes.
427
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,400
Al, talk to your boy. He's not
listening. It's just ropes.
428
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,120
It is a bedroom, I just need to...
429
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,720
..get it down, yeah? Just...
430
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,040
Bits, can I just have a word
with Stath? It's coming home.
431
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,960
It's coming home. Please, I'd love
to listen to you talk for a bit.
432
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,000
I think this place is actually
really horrible
433
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:18,840
just cos of all the faults.
434
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,080
Yeah, yeah, I agree.
435
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:24,440
And I was just thinking,
I'm not sure I can afford to move...
436
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,880
No... My front door's tiny, and I
got to get my bedframe out of that
437
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,720
and also I have an old Hoover that I
don't think would survive the trip.
438
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,600
But, but, but if you don't
live with me,
439
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,000
then it's just a flat with
one man! I can't do that.
440
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,920
Are you lot going to take it,
yeah? No.
441
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,240
Sick!
HE LAUGHS
442
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,680
Yeah, hello? They don't want it.
I'm going to take it.
443
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:41,720
It's for me, yeah.
444
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,960
So what are you going
to do now, then?
445
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,200
I'm going to go back home.
446
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,200
I've driven there now, so...
447
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,080
As in, your dad's?
448
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,400
What? Oh.
449
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,080
Yeah.
450
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,400
OK.
451
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,640
Bye.
452
00:17:58,680 --> 00:17:59,680
Oh.
453
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:02,840
Bye.
454
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:03,920
Yes.
455
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:11,400
Um, so, just to be clear,
I'm walking to the office?
456
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:12,800
Yeah.
457
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,560
MELANCHOLY PANPIPE PLAYS
458
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,240
I've finished packing.
459
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,640
I didn't say today.
460
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:04,960
Why are you rushing bye, baby?
461
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,040
Cos I want you and Stephen to
be free to have love.
462
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,840
But I don't know if
I'm making a nice choice.
463
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,480
Stephen is very, very too confident.
464
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,880
It's a hard decision.
465
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,920
Dad, you have given me
and Stath everything.
466
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,880
You've given us a house
and...don't know...
467
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,680
..this pen.
468
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:32,560
And I just want to give you
something, too, innit.
469
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,080
Some space, innit.
470
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,160
You are the princess.
471
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,320
Mmm.
472
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,600
Hello. Hello, Stathi.
473
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,680
Why is everyone looking scared?
Your sister is leaving, baby.
474
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,320
What? Already? Today?
475
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:51,000
Goldilocks has let down her hair
and is climbing down her hair.
476
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:55,160
I'm so very, very proud
of my sweetheart.
477
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,520
How were the other flats?
478
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:03,080
Rich, rich quality
and I'm moving out as well
479
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,800
today...on my own...to a pad, yeah.
480
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,760
It's now or never, innit?
481
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,440
You've got to hit
while the time is...on.
482
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,240
You are leaving today also as well?
483
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,320
Yeah.
484
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:15,720
My big boy.
485
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,560
Well done, agabimou.
486
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,200
You packing my fluffy, you swine?
487
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,520
Sorry. I wanted to take
a thing of you.
488
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,120
Right, well, that's...
that's all right.
489
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,440
I would have given you
anyway as a present.
490
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:35,520
Say thank you for sharing a crisp
and a chat with me over the years.
491
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:37,880
Oh.
492
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,360
Mmm.
493
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,160
Oh, ooh.
494
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,080
MUSIC PLAYS
495
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,560
Oupa.
496
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,040
I think Stephen's playing my tape.
497
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,480
Bravo, Stephen.
498
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,200
Hello, Stathi.
499
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,880
Hello, Sophia.
500
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,080
I don't know. You're so good at it.
501
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:08,720
I don't know... I never know
how I'm doing it.
502
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,400
Oupa!
503
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,640
Oh, ena, dyo, tria. One, two, three.
504
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,040
ALL: Oupa!
505
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,880
It's like we in Cyprus, innit?
506
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,000
Where are you going? Woo.
507
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:19,480
Where you going? We going this way?
508
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,880
THEY LAUGH
509
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,680
So why are we going
over to the meat freezer?
510
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,760
There is no chocolate
in there, Sophia.
511
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:29,800
OK.
512
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,560
And I could stay on the couch.
513
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,280
And I... I could stay on the couch.
514
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,360
I could stay on a chair.
515
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:36,480
Or on a table.
516
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,920
KNOCKING ON DOOR
517
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,280
Sorry, are you here for Caz?
518
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,120
No, Carole.
519
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:46,240
Yeah, I call her Caz.
520
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,560
Caz! So do I, yeah.
521
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:49,720
Who are you?
522
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,480
Clerk. Caz!
523
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:53,600
Right.
524
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,280
One night, yeah? Yeah.
525
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,240
And I only said yes
because you cried.
526
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:58,960
But you're good, yeah?
527
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,800
Just don't...anything.
528
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:01,960
All right, OK.
529
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,320
What do you want to
talk about, Dean? Chats.
530
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:07,720
Do you have any crisps as well?
531
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:08,840
Dean?
532
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,040
DEAN SNEEZES
533
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,560
Could you go out of the room
if you're going to do that, please?
534
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,320
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
535
00:22:43,370 --> 00:22:47,920
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