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Baruch Atah Ado‐‐ Ugh.
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Baruch Atah Ado‐‐ Ugh!
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00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:27,187
You know what?
This just doesn't feel right.
4
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:31,204
Something is missing.
Maybe... someone.
5
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,238
Oh, I don't know.
How about me?
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00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,620
Or should I say you?
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00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:53,682
‐ Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lou.
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‐ Ha, ha. Lou, please.
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‐ Boys! Might we return to the prayer?
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‐ Right on, Rabbi.
Okay. A‐one, two, three, four...
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00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,189
You know, this next prayer
reminds me of my childhood,
12
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,571
from way back yesterday.
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00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:12,109
I grew up on the east side,
the east side of the house.
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00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:16,080
‐ Wow, they are committed to... that.
15
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,116
‐ Oh, I walked in
on the cutest thing last night.
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00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,290
The Lous were practicing
for their first slow dance
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00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,919
at today's reception.
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00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,415
‐ Ohh. Well, that'll be tricky
without any kids coming.
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00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,038
‐ Wait, what?
‐ No kids are coming.
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Remember, the Lous wanted
an intimate occasion.
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00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:32,425
‐ No, they said they wanted it to be
an Entenmann's occasion.
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Nothing but Entenmann's baked goods
to be served.
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00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:37,598
‐ Ohhh. That actually makes
more sense. For Lou.
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00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,768
‐ Wait, no one is gonna be
at this reception?
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00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:44,767
Oh. It'll be okay.
Lou's got a healthy confidence.
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00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,441
‐ Lou, healthy,
that's ringing a bell.
27
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,191
Wait, that's not quite right.
Lou unhealthy!
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That's what it was!
Oh yeah!
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The Rabbi warned us
that the divorce was causing
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deep, irreparable damage
and was manifesting in Lou
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using his weirdness to push kids away.
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00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,952
‐ And you're just telling me
about this now?
33
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,084
‐ You were there
and holding flowers and‐‐
34
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:06,631
Oh nope, remembering now,
it was a vase shaped like you.
35
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,457
Which is quite a compliment.
That vase was fine as hell.
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00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,923
‐ If something was wrong,
I would know.
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00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,353
‐ And me!
38
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‐ We have to do something.
39
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:24,055
No one showing up to your Bar Mitzvah
is the kind of thing
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00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,901
that traumatizes a kid for life.
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00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:29,266
‐ People said the same thing about me
walking in on my parents having sex
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00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:32,954
but Baby is
perfectly normal, right, Mommy?
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‐ Oh god, what have we done.
44
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,117
‐ Okay, okay. I'll fix this.
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00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,695
‐ Hurry, they're break‐dancing...
sort of.
46
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‐ Faster! Faster!
‐ Faster!
47
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,956
‐ Please. I am so tired.
‐ Faster! Faster!
48
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:46,116
‐ Keep spinning us!
‐ Keep spinning us!
49
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,051
‐ Melissa, I need your help‐‐
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00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,879
What the hell?
I gave you $800
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00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,764
to buy a new camera
to film the Bar Mitzvah!
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00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,471
‐ Yeah, and I used it
to buy a new Stark Phone.
53
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,602
‐ That's not Hebrew.
You're just scatting.
54
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,639
Everyone has googly eyes!
55
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,773
I take it back.
Money well spent.
56
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,400
‐ And this filter makes everyone
look like puppets.
57
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:11,608
Uhhh! Utterly macabre!
58
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:14,438
Now come on, I need your help
to save Lou's Bar Mitzvah reception.
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‐ I didn't even get a reception.
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00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,413
After my Bat Mitzvah, we just broke
into our neighbor's house
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00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,527
while they were on vacation.
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00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,293
‐ They had Showtime, Melissa.
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00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:25,205
We finally got to watch Ray Donovan.
I'd call that pretty memorable.
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00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:28,502
‐ Every time I help you,
it ends up blowing up in my face.
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00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,960
‐ If you don't want to do it for me,
do it for the Lous.
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00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,132
‐ Fine, what do you need?
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00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,590
‐ You're a teen. Get me teens.
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00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:37,680
Hot teens! Cold teens!
Poutine! Teen dreams! Dream teams!
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00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,846
With Scottie Pip‐een!
All types of teens!
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00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,135
I need teens!
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00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:43,518
‐ Okay, I get it.
I think I know where the teens are.
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00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:46,435
‐ Right, the old pumpkin patch!
It's hayride season!
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00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:47,935
They'll all be in the corn maze,
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00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,726
and then it's as simple as lighting it
on fire and smokin' em out.
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00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,241
‐ Yeah. That. Or‐‐
76
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:59,872
Hi, I'm a big‐time casting director
for a new show called
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That's So Torah!
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00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:02,993
And it films today.
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00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,333
‐ Really?
‐ Yes.
80
00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:07,828
I'm looking for that "it" factor,
an almost impossibly rare star quality.
81
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,371
And great news,
all three of you have it.
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00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,004
Is that girl with you?
She's got it too.
83
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,671
‐ Are you saying
we get to be on TV?
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00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:14,712
‐ No!
85
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:20,179
I mean, no, not TV...
it's HBO!
86
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,597
‐ Huh. What's it about?
87
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:25,135
‐ It's four teenage friends
who attend a Bar Mitz‐‐
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‐ It's Night Court!
‐ Right.
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00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,438
It's a Bar Mitzvah meets Night Court‐‐
90
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:31,095
‐ No! Just Night Court.
Night Court meets Night Court.
91
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,404
With maybe a little ALF?
92
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,147
No, no! Just Night Court.
93
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,569
‐ Wait, what's Night Court?
‐ What's Night Court?
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00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:39,278
‐ Dad, we don't have time‐‐
95
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,159
‐ We are watching an episode!
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00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:44,912
Aw.
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00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,910
‐ Okay, so you're all cast.
We shoot now. Let's go.
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00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,622
‐ Uh... a real show
would have auditions.
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00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:53,963
‐ Oh it's a real show alright.
It's a net‐work show.
100
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,839
Aww!
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00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,259
‐ And auditions are this way.
102
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,221
‐ "Lou, do you want
to dance with me?
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00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:06,010
Also, your dad is
as cool as a young person."
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00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,024
‐ It's an absolute pass from me.
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00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,726
‐ Dad, we need more bodies.
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00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,476
You're cast. Next.
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‐ Go ahead and waste
our time I guess.
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00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,938
‐ "Lou, do you want
to dance with me?
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00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:18,861
Also, your dad is as cool
as a young person."
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‐ What? Say it again!
111
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,621
‐ "Lou, do you‐‐"
‐ Stop! She's the one!
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Everyone else go home!
Oh my god, Melissa‐‐
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I'm serious, go home!
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00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:29,201
That's So Torah! is happening.
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What's your name, girl?
Say it to me in lights.
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‐ Sarah.
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00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,628
‐ Sarah!
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00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:40,337
‐ Dad! What are you doing?
It's not a real show!
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00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:44,220
‐ It wasn't a real show!
But with Sarah, anything's possible!
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00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,469
‐ It's not a real show?
Okay, I'm outta here.
121
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,971
‐ No, Sarah, no!
Let me get you under contract!
122
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:52,055
Well, I hope you're happy, Melissa.
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00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,810
You cost me getting Sarah under contract.
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00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,403
It was going to be a long,
horrible contract.
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00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,978
I was going to have rights
to any treasure she found.
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00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,824
I would own her bones after she died!
127
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:04,070
‐ You just cost us all the kids!
128
00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:07,744
‐ Now that the intoxicating effect
of Sarah's talent is fading,
129
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,583
I can see this is my fault.
130
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,498
Not just the casting,
Lou's fragile emotional state.
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00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,787
I guess the divorce
has really taken a toll on him.
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00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,957
‐ Yeah, he's not the only one.
133
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,880
‐ Of course, Todd the cool mailman!
He's also taking it poorly.
134
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:24,131
‐ Why do I even bother?
Everyone is so stupid!
135
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:27,394
‐ Melissa, you really need
to stop being so angry at the world.
136
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,467
‐ You're a super villain,
you hate the world!
137
00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,604
‐ No, I don't. I just want to change it.
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00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,811
Yello.
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00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,061
‐ Tell me you got kids.
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00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,863
The Lous are wrapping it up
after their seventh not‐demanded encore.
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00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,438
‐ And now‐‐
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00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,073
Release the doves!
143
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,950
‐ Ah! They're bottlenecking at the elbows!
144
00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:46,527
You overfed them!
145
00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:47,822
Food is my love language!
146
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,454
What's happening? I‐I‐I can't see.
147
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:50,491
Are you letting them do magic?
148
00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:52,204
‐ They're doing something.
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00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:53,914
I don't know, just hurry!
150
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,254
‐ People will be there.
I promise.
151
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,880
MODOK will save the day.
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00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,086
This I promise you.
I promise you again.
153
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:03,837
There's literally no way
I will let you down.
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00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:05,091
Oh god.
155
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,642
‐ Why can't we go in?
156
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,845
‐ We're waiting for your Dad.
‐ Why?
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00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:11,056
‐ Ugh. Can't I have a conversation
with one Lou
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00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,136
without you batoning it
back and forth?
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00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,811
‐ We don't know what‐‐
‐ You're talking‐‐
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00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:15,690
‐ ... about.
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00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,556
Ahoooga! Ahoooga!
162
00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:18,903
Screech!
163
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:19,937
Beeps. Beeps.
164
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,780
Heavy load detected in driver's seat.
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00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,355
Shut up!
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00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,819
‐ Oh, thank god.
Tell me you brought kids.
167
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,030
‐ Yes!
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00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,529
And by "yes," I mean
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00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,411
at one time in their lives
they were all kids
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00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:33,869
or larvae
or synthetic ingredients in a lab.
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00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:36,791
‐ What is this?
‐ Me saving the Bar Mitzvah
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00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,590
with the oodles and oodles
of creatures I promised you.
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00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:41,795
‐ Hey, we're people!
‐ Not to me!
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00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,546
‐ Oh boy, that's not good.
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00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,008
Hey, put that down!
Give me that!
176
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:53,466
‐ Hey, you octogenarians
want to party?
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00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,273
‐ Come on, let us out
of these restraints!
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00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:56,977
‐ Under no circumstances
let them out.
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00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,477
They will sex you to death.
180
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,438
‐ What you mean
you ain't got no Sweetleg?
181
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,859
Ah, screw it!
I'll do it live.
182
00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:02,767
‐ Oh god!
183
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,025
Hey! You scissored me, bro!
184
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,699
‐ He did what?
185
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,163
‐ This is delicious!
‐ Ohh!
186
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,988
‐ Great catering, MODOK!
187
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,503
‐ That's not the catering!
That's the caterer!
188
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,745
‐ Uh‐oh.
189
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:20,207
‐ Alright, well, just don't eat so much
that you won't dance later.
190
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,379
‐ Party's a little... terrible.
191
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,957
‐ It's not all bad.
192
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,512
We don't have to pay the caterer.
193
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,216
Are the Lous having
a good time at least?
194
00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:29,256
I've barely seen them.
Hey there.
195
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,259
Hey, little boys.
You like magic, huh?
196
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,511
Well, here's the church,
and here's the steeple,
197
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,854
open the door and‐‐ whoops.
198
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,098
Hang on, I forgot the people.
Let me start over.
199
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,270
Here's the church‐‐
200
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,558
‐ Alright. Dance the Hora or something.
201
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:43,522
I'll try and get more fun people here.
Good time people!
202
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,484
Who do you call for a good time?
203
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,110
Hello, yes, I'm calling
about hiring some escorts.
204
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,533
Good ones.
Ones 13‐year‐olds would love.
205
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,083
Sorry, sir.
We're actually going out of business.
206
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:58,867
The escort industry has been decimated
by the invention of Jiggle‐Os.
207
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,332
They are the Uber
to the prostitute's yellow cab.
208
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,923
‐ Uhh, no go on the hookers.
209
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:05,088
‐ I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
210
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,707
Look at them, MODOK.
211
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:11,684
‐ Look at me: integral!
212
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,637
‐ Oh, I haven't seen Lou this miserable
213
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,307
since he learned
that his outie belly button
214
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,215
wasn't actually a back‐up wiener.
215
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,434
‐ Yeah, that really sent him
spiraling last year.
216
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,564
‐ What are we gonna do?
217
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,521
‐ What I should have done
in the first place,
218
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:24,651
told him we were wrong
about back‐up wieners.
219
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:25,358
‐ MODOK!
220
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:28,187
‐ Okay, okay, I'll talk to him
like the Rabbi said.
221
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:31,282
‐ Is this your card?
‐ Yes, amazing.
222
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,742
Is this your card?
‐ Yes, amazing.
223
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,081
‐ Hey, boys,
I brought you a crumb cake.
224
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,327
No cake, only crumbs,
just the way you like it.
225
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,879
‐ There's a little bit of cake
in there. I see it.
226
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:45,335
‐ This probably isn't
the turnout you were hoping for.
227
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,085
I had so many cool teens
in my sights,
228
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,917
but your sister's becoming
a real anti‐netter.
229
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,633
‐ Look, boys,
there'll be plenty of time
230
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,724
for you to have your first dance
with a lucky girl.
231
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,970
‐ We didn't want to dance
with some lucky girl.
232
00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:58,272
‐ Lucky girls win lotteries,
233
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,555
and greed destroys
everyone around them.
234
00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:03,193
‐ I... don't understand.
235
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,768
‐ This was our big day,
236
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,731
and you've been talking
to everybody but us.
237
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,942
‐ All we wanted
was to dance with you.
238
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,902
‐ Ohh! With me?
239
00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:12,283
‐ No, with Dad.
240
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,119
‐ I only carried you in my body,
you ungrateful little shit.
241
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,825
‐ You want to dance with me?
242
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,655
‐ Today is about us becoming men.
243
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,950
‐ And you're the man we admire most.
244
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,422
‐ Will you dance me into manhood?
245
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,415
‐ And me! I want manhood too!
246
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,172
‐ Boys, I'm not going to dance with you.
247
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,718
Without some proper
dang mood lighting!
248
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,941
‐ I'm student class president,
249
00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:52,822
Teen Vogue's
"Figure Skater to Watch"
250
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:56,029
and I never got caught
for hitting that guy with my car.
251
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:58,281
But does Dad even notice?
252
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:02,539
‐ Wow, you are... such a bummer.
253
00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:05,078
‐ Hey, congrats on that triple axel.
254
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,882
I get a real pleasure
out of watching you skate.
255
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:10,916
‐ What? Are you one
of those ice pervs?
256
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:14,171
You stalking me?
‐ No, I wouldn't stalk a fly.
257
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,594
Though I did get arrested
for stalking The Wasp.
258
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:17,850
And She‐Hulk!
259
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,926
And She‐Thing!
But that's basically it.
260
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:22,020
Uhp, there was Storm, too!
261
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,975
Look, your father showed us videos
of you skating at the bar.
262
00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:26,847
‐ My Dad showed videos of me?
263
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,274
‐ Yeah, all the time.
264
00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:30,572
He's right,
you're a really great skater.
265
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:32,526
And a very violent drunk.
266
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:37,945
‐ Huh?
267
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:43,249
‐ So I know the last few months
haven't been easy.
268
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,905
‐ Yeah.
‐ Neither is this.
269
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,504
‐ Especially the divorce.
270
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,043
And I'm worried you're hurting, Lou.
271
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,014
But pushing people away,
it won't make‐‐
272
00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:54,505
‐ Ah, she came!
273
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,183
Oh, hey, Carmilla!
274
00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:57,625
‐ Hey.
‐ Hey.
275
00:11:57,634 --> 00:12:00,684
‐ Dad, maybe we can finish
this dance later, okay?
276
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:03,599
‐ Sure, go... see your friend?
277
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:09,613
‐ You gotta try the Sunday bar.
‐ Oh, I don't really like ice cream.
278
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:12,935
‐ No, no, no, it's just an empty bar
where you plan your perfect Sunday.
279
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,111
Mine's an outdoor shower,
280
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,779
the New York Times
Arts and Leisure section,
281
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,107
followed by some aggressive antiquing.
282
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:20,283
‐ You guys are so weird.
283
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,869
‐ So should we... finish this dance?
284
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,759
‐ Where exactly... do we stand?
285
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:37,925
‐ Well, I recently watched you
have sex with a robot.
286
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,635
Like, a lot of times.
287
00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:40,925
‐ And you were jealous?
288
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:44,348
‐ I also saw you sneak‐eat
loose cold cuts
289
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,348
from under the mattress
during said sex.
290
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,600
‐ Then you were jealous?
291
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:51,611
‐ No. Look, I'm not ready to go back
to the way things were, okay?
292
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:53,895
‐ Yeah, me neither.
Keep things chill, as is,
293
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:56,739
except maybe go back
to exactly how things were?
294
00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,401
‐ Is that really what you want?
295
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:03,911
‐ No. Because clearly, you weren't happy.
296
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:06,999
‐ Look, MODOK,
the dinner the other night.
297
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:10,955
Outside of being covered in robot guts,
it was pretty pleasant.
298
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,958
So... maybe more of those?
299
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,300
‐ I'd like that.
And cold cut sex.
300
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,085
But family dinners, also solid.
301
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,221
‐ We're free!
302
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,467
‐ Oh no, what happened?
303
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,008
‐ They told me they'd compliment me
if I freed them.
304
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:28,562
‐ You're, uh, okay to be around
and your body‐‐
305
00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:32,059
‐ Yes?
‐ Is... of a certain shape?
306
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,152
‐ Oh. Yeah, I think I screwed up here.
307
00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:36,779
‐ Everyone run!
308
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:39,275
These things will
MTV's The Grind you to death!
309
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:42,488
‐ Bread ain't the only thing
we can make challah!
310
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,708
‐ Wondering how I'm alive
after you thought you saw me die?
311
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:56,840
Robot.
‐ Lucky guess!
312
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,167
Time to finish what I started.
313
00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:00,843
‐ Let's get him!
314
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,391
‐ You may have thought
you defeated me,
315
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:06,505
but I'm more powerful
than you ever realized.
316
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:13,652
All these months,
all my manipulations,
317
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:16,685
they've all been leading
to this exact moment.
318
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,701
Dad, no!
319
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,248
Oh no! Dad!
320
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,325
‐ Get behind me, kids!
321
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:32,870
Lous, watch out!
322
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:46,889
‐ Oh my god!
323
00:14:53,519 --> 00:14:54,349
‐ No!
324
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:12,575
‐ Please.
325
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:16,076
I'm not the enemy.
It's about our future‐‐
326
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:19,293
‐ Yeah, yeah, I failed us.
And you came here to get revenge on me.
327
00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:21,964
‐ No. I came here to give you
what you always wanted.
328
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:25,094
I came to give you the world.
I can show you what that looks like!
329
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,472
‐ Why should I trust you?
‐ We're the same person.
330
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:28,969
Look at me and tell me I'm lying.
331
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,305
‐ My honest face!
332
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:33,926
Okay, show me.
But don't try anything.
333
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,604
‐ I won't.
‐ I would.
334
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,112
‐ Well, I'm telling you I won't.
‐ Well, I want to believe you.
335
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,225
‐ Then believe me.
Would it help if I promised?
336
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:41,532
‐ A little.
‐ I promise.
337
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,025
‐ Wait, did you just wink?
‐ No.
338
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,066
‐ Wait, wait, did I just wink?
‐ I don't think so.
339
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,360
‐ Maybe you didn't see me wink
because you were too busy winking.
340
00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:50,704
‐ Or maybe you didn't see me not wink
because you were too busy winking?
341
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:52,241
‐ Should we both wink
on the count of five?
342
00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:52,954
‐ No.
343
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,077
‐ Yeah. Let's just get out of here.
344
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,259
We met previously
in an alternate timeline
345
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,470
where you traveled back
to a concert with your wife.
346
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,470
‐ Nope, don't remember that.
And I remember everything.
347
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,732
The name of the bad guys
in SpaceJam are the Monstars. Boom!
348
00:16:14,725 --> 00:16:16,475
‐ You don't remember
because it was erased.
349
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,233
But I was not.
350
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:26,613
Because of these crystals in my head,
I became unstuck in time.
351
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:34,116
A remnant from a timeline
that never happened.
352
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,459
‐ You are but one of the many
I will crush along my path
353
00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:37,955
to self‐assured greatness!
354
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:39,826
For the future is MODOK!
355
00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:43,997
‐ No longer MODOK, I became
356
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,764
The Anomaly!
357
00:16:45,756 --> 00:16:47,216
In fact please call me that
from here on out.
358
00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:48,336
It's how I've been signing my checks.
359
00:16:48,342 --> 00:16:50,512
‐ Is the shop
officially closed on that?
360
00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:51,601
‐ Oh, you can do better?
361
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:54,765
‐ Uh, TimeyMcjumper?
Doesn't‐Need‐No‐Watch‐Guy?
362
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:59,101
‐ Oh, that last one
sounded promising.
363
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,732
Couldn't make it out
with all the mumbling. What was it?
364
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:03,607
‐ The Anomaly's fine.
365
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:06,067
‐ Anyway, the crystals sent me spiraling,
366
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,318
not only through time
but space as well.
367
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,530
Into alternate futures,
our futures.
368
00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:12,991
Where I witnessed
every single one of them.
369
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,959
Each ending in failure.
370
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,925
‐ Hawkeye gets me?
Well, at least it can't get any worse.
371
00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:34,558
‐ Oh, it does.
372
00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:38,983
‐ Turkey Man?
373
00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:43,812
‐ Ugh. Okay, well,
now it can't get any‐‐
374
00:17:43,814 --> 00:17:44,904
‐ Wait for it.
375
00:17:49,862 --> 00:17:52,822
‐ Get comfortable. This toilet death
series goes on for a hot minute.
376
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,080
‐ Make it stop!
377
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,002
Oh, here were go.
378
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,798
‐ They broke my invention.
379
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:10,216
They... they called me "Big Head."
380
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:13,755
One day that big, beautiful,
womb‐wrecking head of yours
381
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,010
is going to dream up
fantastic things.
382
00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:18,433
And you're going
to change the world.
383
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,266
And you're going
to change the world.
384
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:24,269
...change the world.
385
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,401
...the world.
386
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:31,449
‐ All these years,
experimenting on myself, building AIM,
387
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,572
trying to conquer the world
and make a better future,
388
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:38,577
only to be undone by choking
389
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,946
on toilet lasagna.
390
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,794
‐ Technically, you only choked
a few times.
391
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,749
Other times your heart exploded,
you died of constipation,
392
00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:48,671
and one time you drowned in the bowl
which was really impressive.
393
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:53,090
‐ Why? Why show me that
my entire lifetime is meaningless?
394
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:55,551
Why show me
that my dreams are a joke?
395
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:58,352
‐ Because you needed to appreciate it.
396
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:01,977
The one possible future
out of a million
397
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,595
where you succeed.
398
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:19,832
‐ I... I did this?
399
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,826
I mean, I do this? How?
400
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,328
‐ When I first learned you had a family,
I thought they were a weakness.
401
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,672
Something preventing us
from achieving greatness.
402
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:30,668
But after traveling through time,
I learned I was wrong.
403
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:35,258
Your love for your family
is what makes all of this possible.
404
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:37,389
‐ No! I want to see it all. I'm not‐‐
405
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,062
Ohh!
406
00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:43,675
...ready to leave this place.
407
00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:46,234
‐ Your family is the key.
‐ How?
408
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:49,058
‐ They make it all possible...
by dying!
409
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:50,324
‐ No!
‐ Yes!
410
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:53,355
‐ Their deaths break you.
The grief and trauma fuels you.
411
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,450
Gives you the edge to beat the Avengers,
to conquer the entire world,
412
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:59,826
to become the Emperor MODOK
you've always dreamed of!
413
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:01,785
It's their final gift.
414
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,035
‐ Absolutely not!
I'll find another way.
415
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,997
T‐t‐the new organization
that I started with Monica‐‐
416
00:20:06,999 --> 00:20:08,919
‐ Never leaves the strip mall.
417
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:12,004
‐ Have you gone
through all of the permutations?
418
00:20:12,004 --> 00:20:15,384
What if I work longer hours?
Eat better? Start wearing chinos?
419
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,643
‐ Ooh, I would love to get you
into a nice pair of chinos.
420
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:23,056
But it wouldn't change a thing.
I've seen every possibility.
421
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,846
‐ No, I'll find a way.
I mean, I beat you, didn't I?
422
00:20:25,851 --> 00:20:30,481
‐ Yes, in a glorious metaphor,
you defeated yourself.
423
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,520
It has to be this way.
424
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:36,074
Now let me be what the world
has labeled us: a villain.
425
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:40,739
Let me do this so that
you can finally achieve
426
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:42,986
your destiny.
427
00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:44,623
‐ I can't.
428
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:59,376
And you're going to change the world.
429
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,894
‐ I can't... do that.
430
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:04,847
‐ I know. But I can.
431
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,392
That's why I'm here.
432
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:37,586
‐ Quite the big day, sir.
433
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:40,339
They're unveiling the statue
depicting the other statue being made
434
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:43,762
to commemorate the even bigger statue
of you at the center of the city.
435
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:46,562
While you're away, we'll have
your Iron Throne cleaned.
436
00:21:46,557 --> 00:21:49,887
But not before I get a big ol' sniffer
of m'lord's heavenly hind smell.
437
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:04,992
‐ Fire up the machine.
438
00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:07,582
‐ He can't take any more.
It'll kill him.
439
00:22:07,578 --> 00:22:09,958
‐ Fire... it... up.
440
00:22:16,545 --> 00:22:18,835
‐
For the millionth time,
441
00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:20,509
it won't work.
442
00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,677
You can't have it all.
443
00:22:23,135 --> 00:22:24,965
‐ Yes, I can.
444
00:22:24,970 --> 00:22:27,010
I'm very special.
445
00:22:29,641 --> 00:22:30,981
‐ Spoiler alert:
446
00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:34,186
I plan to release doves
during my Torah reading.
447
00:22:34,188 --> 00:22:36,358
Magic?
Lou, why can't you just pick
448
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:37,936
a normal teenage boy theme?
449
00:22:37,941 --> 00:22:41,071
Like sports. Or tugboats?
450
00:22:41,069 --> 00:22:43,529
I hate my life!
451
00:22:43,530 --> 00:22:44,910
‐ Aw, Melissa‐‐
452
00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:46,907
‐ No. No!
453
00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:55,079
‐ He's dead. And without the crystals,
there's no way to go back in time.
454
00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:56,713
‐ I will find a way.
455
00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:59,000
I will save my family
and bring them here!
456
00:22:59,338 --> 00:23:03,008
MODOK will have it all!
35720
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