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1
00:00:05,401 --> 00:00:08,676
You see, if the pony runs
away and becomes a flower,
2
00:00:08,815 --> 00:00:10,538
his mommy will
become a bumblebee
3
00:00:10,676 --> 00:00:12,055
so she can be with him.
4
00:00:12,193 --> 00:00:13,193
Look what we got.
5
00:00:13,262 --> 00:00:15,296
A box of goodies for Mabel
6
00:00:15,434 --> 00:00:17,675
from cousin Connie
and cousin Arthur.
7
00:00:17,813 --> 00:00:19,261
Oh, that's nice.
8
00:00:19,399 --> 00:00:21,640
See, and if the pony
becomes an ocean,
9
00:00:21,778 --> 00:00:23,812
then his mommy becomes a fish
10
00:00:23,950 --> 00:00:26,260
so she can be with him.
11
00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:29,156
Look. It's stuff
their kids outgrew.
12
00:00:29,294 --> 00:00:31,190
Look at the jumper.
We need a jumper.
13
00:00:31,328 --> 00:00:32,534
We gotta call them.
14
00:00:32,672 --> 00:00:34,155
Well, get 'em on the phone.
15
00:00:34,293 --> 00:00:36,534
See, and if the pony
becomes an island,
16
00:00:36,672 --> 00:00:38,810
his mommy becomes a palm tree
17
00:00:38,948 --> 00:00:40,395
so she can be with him.
18
00:00:40,533 --> 00:00:41,981
Ugh. Honey, look at this.
19
00:00:44,532 --> 00:00:45,532
That's disgusting.
20
00:00:47,153 --> 00:00:49,704
See, if the pony
becomes a beach,
21
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,946
his mommy becomes a seashell
22
00:00:52,084 --> 00:00:54,635
so she can be with him.
23
00:00:54,773 --> 00:00:56,324
Look. At little bear.
24
00:00:56,462 --> 00:00:57,634
Oh, that's so sweet.
25
00:00:57,772 --> 00:00:59,575
Oh. We gotta get them on
the phone and thank them.
26
00:00:59,599 --> 00:01:01,323
It looks like a
little pooh bear.
27
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:02,599
Get 'em on the phone.
28
00:01:08,874 --> 00:01:10,357
Honey, all the
pooh's coming out.
29
00:01:13,252 --> 00:01:14,770
Well, that's disgusting.
30
00:01:14,907 --> 00:01:18,080
Look. If the pony
becomes a bird,
31
00:01:18,218 --> 00:01:20,320
his mommy becomes a nest
32
00:01:20,458 --> 00:01:22,286
so she can be with him.
33
00:01:22,424 --> 00:01:24,319
Look. This is so
cute. Look at this.
34
00:01:24,457 --> 00:01:25,664
It's a little denim jacket.
35
00:01:25,803 --> 00:01:28,009
I've been wanting to find
a jacket like this for her.
36
00:01:28,147 --> 00:01:29,319
I have to call them.
37
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,353
I'm saying, go get
them on the phone.
38
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:33,353
And if the pony
becomes the moon,
39
00:01:33,491 --> 00:01:34,801
his mommy becomes the stars
40
00:01:34,939 --> 00:01:36,353
so she can be with him.
41
00:01:36,490 --> 00:01:38,370
So, basically, though the
mommy loves this pony,
42
00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:40,501
that pony, frankly, never
gonna get a moment's peace.
43
00:01:41,765 --> 00:01:42,800
Ugh.
44
00:01:42,938 --> 00:01:43,938
Look at this.
45
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:46,730
What is that, jell-o?
46
00:01:47,247 --> 00:01:48,351
God, I...
47
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:54,832
I just really hope so.
48
00:01:54,970 --> 00:01:56,281
Oh, my god.
49
00:01:56,418 --> 00:01:58,763
What... what are they,
sending us garbage?
50
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,935
I'm gonna get them on the phone.
51
00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:19,622
♪ Tell me why I
love you like I do
52
00:02:19,759 --> 00:02:22,379
♪ Tell me who can stop my heart
53
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,034
♪ As much as you
54
00:02:24,172 --> 00:02:26,310
♪ Let's take each other's hand
55
00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:29,447
♪ And we jump into
the final frontier ♪
56
00:02:39,170 --> 00:02:41,342
"Kind of potato," Five letters.
57
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,066
Did you just say Idaho?
58
00:02:46,204 --> 00:02:48,724
Sweetie, have you seen my little
home plate sweeper-offer thing?
59
00:02:48,824 --> 00:02:49,859
Oh, my god.
60
00:02:49,996 --> 00:02:51,961
Look how cute your daddy is.
61
00:02:52,479 --> 00:02:53,961
Huh? Cute and
62
00:02:54,099 --> 00:02:55,299
bearing an uncanny resemblance
63
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:58,374
to legendary film star Spanky.
64
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,995
I think it's so sweet you're
umpiring your father's game
65
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,246
That's just what a bunch of
70 and 80-year-old men need
66
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,648
is a guy standing behind
them, yelling suddenly.
67
00:03:07,372 --> 00:03:08,441
Hey, Splinky.
68
00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:09,579
Hey, Spanky.
69
00:03:11,131 --> 00:03:12,176
Hey, James. I got your mail.
70
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,440
Thank you, uncle Ira.
71
00:03:13,578 --> 00:03:15,378
You're welcome. So,
Paulie, let me understand,
72
00:03:15,509 --> 00:03:17,923
I am the designated
runner for the softball game?
73
00:03:18,061 --> 00:03:19,061
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
74
00:03:19,130 --> 00:03:20,301
So, which ones do I run for?
75
00:03:20,439 --> 00:03:21,439
For all of them.
76
00:03:21,508 --> 00:03:22,508
For all of them?
77
00:03:22,612 --> 00:03:24,301
They can't run, these guys.
78
00:03:24,439 --> 00:03:25,518
Well, maybe if they can't run,
79
00:03:25,542 --> 00:03:26,902
they shouldn't be
playing softball.
80
00:03:27,853 --> 00:03:29,335
Hey, who do you
know in Pittsburgh?
81
00:03:29,473 --> 00:03:31,610
In Pittsburgh? Uh,
absolutely nobody.
82
00:03:31,748 --> 00:03:32,897
You know what I'm talking about?
83
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,610
The little wiry, brushy,
just sweep thing.
84
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,920
"Dear, Paul, I hope
this card finds you well.
85
00:03:37,058 --> 00:03:39,023
"I know you'll be
pleased to hear
86
00:03:39,161 --> 00:03:40,161
"That I'm just fine
87
00:03:40,298 --> 00:03:42,195
"And living here
happily with my family.
88
00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:43,642
"I owe it all to you, Paul,
89
00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:45,126
"And I will never forget.
90
00:03:45,264 --> 00:03:46,608
"Yours eternally,
91
00:03:46,746 --> 00:03:48,746
"Svetlana Poszinsky."
92
00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:51,056
Who's that?
93
00:03:51,194 --> 00:03:52,194
No idea.
94
00:03:52,262 --> 00:03:53,400
No idea?
95
00:03:53,538 --> 00:03:55,434
No idea. Little wiry,
brushy, sweepy thing.
96
00:03:55,572 --> 00:03:56,685
You know what I'm talking about.
97
00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:58,330
Is there some psychotic
Russian woman
98
00:03:58,468 --> 00:03:59,709
sending you intimate postcards?
99
00:04:01,295 --> 00:04:02,399
Svetlana.
100
00:04:02,537 --> 00:04:03,537
So you know her?
101
00:04:03,605 --> 00:04:05,985
Oh, boy. Not really.
102
00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:08,018
What? Not... you know...
103
00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:09,846
Oh, this is so long ago.
104
00:04:11,191 --> 00:04:12,707
She was a minor,
105
00:04:12,846 --> 00:04:14,879
may I say minor,
figure in my life.
106
00:04:15,017 --> 00:04:16,062
Like what, an old girlfriend?
107
00:04:16,086 --> 00:04:17,327
Oh, less than that.
108
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,189
What, a one-night stand?
109
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:20,327
Less than that.
110
00:04:20,430 --> 00:04:22,085
Anything less than that
111
00:04:22,223 --> 00:04:23,343
is a stranger on the subway.
112
00:04:23,913 --> 00:04:25,602
She and... all right...
113
00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:26,981
You are gonna laugh.
114
00:04:28,222 --> 00:04:29,257
I believe.
115
00:04:31,359 --> 00:04:32,990
I think you're gonna
laugh when I tell you this.
116
00:04:33,014 --> 00:04:34,463
This is... 'cause this is...
117
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,083
Is such a source
of comedy. Um...
118
00:04:38,738 --> 00:04:40,186
We
119
00:04:40,324 --> 00:04:42,633
Uh, Svetlana... Svetlana and I,
120
00:04:42,772 --> 00:04:44,150
we were married.
121
00:04:48,563 --> 00:04:50,047
I'm gonna go
practice my running.
122
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,460
I'll see you over at the park.
123
00:04:53,598 --> 00:04:55,493
You were married to this woman?
124
00:04:55,631 --> 00:04:57,286
I wasn't married...
125
00:04:57,873 --> 00:04:58,873
Except that...
126
00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:00,286
Well, yes, I was married.
127
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,699
You were married.
128
00:05:02,838 --> 00:05:06,251
For, like, 14 hours
on paper, on paper.
129
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:07,526
You were married.
130
00:05:07,664 --> 00:05:09,837
Sweetie, there was,
there was no romance.
131
00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,801
There was no... love.
132
00:05:11,939 --> 00:05:13,767
There was nothing.
This was on paper only.
133
00:05:13,905 --> 00:05:15,283
She was, she was Russian.
134
00:05:15,421 --> 00:05:18,697
When I was at NYU, I
met Svetlana, like... thrice.
135
00:05:19,456 --> 00:05:20,489
Thrice?
136
00:05:20,627 --> 00:05:21,938
Thrice. Three Times. Thrice.
137
00:05:22,076 --> 00:05:23,282
Uh-huh.
138
00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:24,834
Sweetie, you know what it is?
139
00:05:24,972 --> 00:05:27,903
She loved America. She
wanted to stay, so, you know,
140
00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:29,419
she asked me if
I would marry her
141
00:05:29,557 --> 00:05:31,247
in name, in name only.
142
00:05:31,385 --> 00:05:32,545
So I wanted to be a nice guy.
143
00:05:32,625 --> 00:05:34,764
I was 20. I was, like, 20.
144
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,740
Did I know that I was gonna be
having this conversation with you?
145
00:05:36,764 --> 00:05:37,866
I didn't know you. No.
146
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,429
So we went down to
city hall, we got married,
147
00:05:39,453 --> 00:05:40,970
and I've, I've never seen her.
148
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,389
I've literally never seen her
again in my life ever since.
149
00:05:43,659 --> 00:05:45,139
You were married.
Yeah, okay, sweetie,
150
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,003
Do you understand what I...
151
00:05:47,141 --> 00:05:49,796
It... it was nothing. It
was a pretend thing.
152
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:50,978
This is not even a marriage.
153
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,242
It's like we went to Halloween,
154
00:05:52,278 --> 00:05:54,002
And we were dressed
up as a married couple.
155
00:05:55,277 --> 00:05:57,070
It... it was nothing.
156
00:05:57,208 --> 00:05:58,932
This is a
microscopic... this is...
157
00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:01,760
You know what this is? It's like
soupy sales meant more to me.
158
00:06:02,931 --> 00:06:04,138
Was she attractive?
159
00:06:04,586 --> 00:06:05,620
No. Yeah.
160
00:06:09,896 --> 00:06:12,206
She wasn't unattractive.
She was, you know.
161
00:06:12,343 --> 00:06:14,516
She had, like, a
Russian exotic quality.
162
00:06:14,654 --> 00:06:15,826
Exotic? Interesting.
163
00:06:15,964 --> 00:06:17,826
Sweetie, everybody's
attractive in some way.
164
00:06:17,964 --> 00:06:19,078
You know, all of
God's creatures.
165
00:06:19,102 --> 00:06:20,782
I suppose if you look...
what's the matter?
166
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,032
I'm your second wife.
167
00:06:23,446 --> 00:06:24,446
Stop it.
168
00:06:24,548 --> 00:06:25,828
I'm the second
Mrs. Paul Buchman.
169
00:06:25,894 --> 00:06:28,583
This is... this
is... it's ridiculous.
170
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,582
So when you said "I
do," did you kiss her?
171
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,306
I, you know, yeah. You know
172
00:06:32,444 --> 00:06:34,755
like the pope would kiss
the top of a sick child's head.
173
00:06:36,202 --> 00:06:37,306
I see.
174
00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:38,546
This... it's nothing.
175
00:06:38,684 --> 00:06:39,892
Trust me, this means nothing.
176
00:06:40,029 --> 00:06:41,149
Don't make anything of this.
177
00:06:41,236 --> 00:06:42,408
Make nothing of this, please.
178
00:06:42,718 --> 00:06:43,787
Okay?
179
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:46,269
I am standing here
in umpire's clothing,
180
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,269
begging you to
make nothing of it.
181
00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:49,487
There's nothing to be made.
182
00:06:49,511 --> 00:06:50,624
Look, this is such a small...
183
00:06:50,648 --> 00:06:52,579
Nothing. This is such a...
184
00:06:52,717 --> 00:06:54,234
Big pile of nothing
to worry about.
185
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,096
A small pile. It's a
small pile of nothing.
186
00:06:56,234 --> 00:06:57,303
It's not even a pile.
187
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:58,865
There's no pile with
which worry could be...
188
00:06:58,889 --> 00:06:59,957
You shouldn't even worry.
189
00:07:00,095 --> 00:07:01,815
There's nothing. There's
nothing here, okay?
190
00:07:02,371 --> 00:07:03,611
Okay. So we're fine.
191
00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:05,508
You see, you see that this is...
192
00:07:05,646 --> 00:07:07,197
You see what
it is, right? It's...
193
00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:09,025
You see what this is?
194
00:07:10,059 --> 00:07:11,059
You were married.
195
00:07:11,128 --> 00:07:12,128
Okay.
196
00:07:17,264 --> 00:07:18,437
Batter up!
197
00:07:18,575 --> 00:07:19,895
Your attention, please.
198
00:07:19,954 --> 00:07:22,161
Now making his way to the plate,
199
00:07:22,299 --> 00:07:24,298
loving husband to Estelle,
200
00:07:24,436 --> 00:07:27,332
loving father to
Randy and Richard,
201
00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:28,504
loving grandfather
202
00:07:28,642 --> 00:07:30,607
to Howard and Todd,
203
00:07:31,055 --> 00:07:32,676
number 12,
204
00:07:32,814 --> 00:07:36,537
Al Birnbaum,
205
00:07:36,848 --> 00:07:37,848
Number 12.
206
00:07:38,503 --> 00:07:39,882
Come on, Al!
207
00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:41,020
Go get 'em, Al!
208
00:07:41,089 --> 00:07:42,536
Show 'em where you live, Al!
209
00:07:42,674 --> 00:07:44,122
That's the spirit, Al!
210
00:07:45,777 --> 00:07:47,467
That's a lovely camera, Sylvia.
211
00:07:47,604 --> 00:07:49,535
Oh, thank you. You
know, it does everything.
212
00:07:49,673 --> 00:07:52,363
It focuses, it fades
in, it fades out.
213
00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:53,914
It goes in slow motion,
214
00:07:54,052 --> 00:07:55,880
And you never have
to change the batteries.
215
00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:57,811
I said I liked it. What
do you want from me?
216
00:08:00,431 --> 00:08:02,637
And once again,
217
00:08:03,154 --> 00:08:04,395
batter up.
218
00:08:04,533 --> 00:08:05,533
Get a hit, Al!
219
00:08:05,602 --> 00:08:06,774
Give it a ride, Al!
220
00:08:08,912 --> 00:08:10,394
Go, Al! Go, Al!
221
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:11,567
That's the spirit!
222
00:08:11,705 --> 00:08:14,291
And once again,
let us say, batter up.
223
00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,221
All right, already,
with the "batter up."
224
00:08:16,359 --> 00:08:18,600
I'm just... just trying to
move things along here.
225
00:08:18,738 --> 00:08:20,014
Fine. All right.
226
00:08:24,530 --> 00:08:25,909
Ball's in.
227
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,633
Bring it on, sucker.
228
00:08:28,322 --> 00:08:29,598
Put it in.
229
00:08:30,633 --> 00:08:31,736
He ain't no batter.
230
00:08:31,874 --> 00:08:34,287
First pitch, first man,
first strike, Eddie boy!
231
00:08:35,563 --> 00:08:36,873
Mr. Edlin...
232
00:08:37,011 --> 00:08:38,011
If you would.
233
00:08:40,907 --> 00:08:41,942
Hey.
234
00:08:42,079 --> 00:08:43,320
So now I'm running?
235
00:08:43,458 --> 00:08:45,872
Now. Anytime seems
appropriate. Run, yes.
236
00:08:49,526 --> 00:08:50,733
Safe! He's safe.
237
00:08:50,871 --> 00:08:52,319
What?
238
00:08:52,456 --> 00:08:53,812
Safe. His foot hit the bag
right before the ball came.
239
00:08:53,836 --> 00:08:55,560
Come on, Paul!
240
00:08:55,698 --> 00:08:57,053
Pop, I don't know
what to tell you.
241
00:08:57,077 --> 00:08:58,455
He's safe. He was in there.
242
00:08:58,593 --> 00:08:59,801
What's the matter with you?
243
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:03,110
Hammy. Severe tearing in
the hammy and groinial area.
244
00:09:03,248 --> 00:09:04,455
You're the youngest guy here.
245
00:09:04,592 --> 00:09:05,731
I know. The irony.
246
00:09:06,869 --> 00:09:08,351
Paul, he was out.
247
00:09:08,489 --> 00:09:09,937
Look, I calls 'em
like I sees 'em.
248
00:09:10,660 --> 00:09:12,384
Out!
249
00:09:12,522 --> 00:09:14,315
As a matter of
fact, he was safe.
250
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:16,074
Are you seriously
gonna stand here
251
00:09:16,212 --> 00:09:17,625
and tell me that he was safe?
252
00:09:17,763 --> 00:09:19,729
This is what I'm saying.
253
00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:23,349
Then you oughta get
your eyes checked, Blue!
254
00:09:23,487 --> 00:09:25,762
Don't, don't push it, number 10.
255
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,899
He was out! Admit
it, he was out!
256
00:09:28,037 --> 00:09:29,037
Don't kick dirt, Pop.
257
00:09:29,175 --> 00:09:30,348
All right. I won't kick dirt.
258
00:09:30,485 --> 00:09:31,845
What are you doing?
What are you...
259
00:09:31,934 --> 00:09:32,968
You happy?
260
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:34,450
Do you believe this, everybody?
261
00:09:34,588 --> 00:09:36,416
He was out, Blue.
262
00:09:36,553 --> 00:09:38,380
Mrs. Michalak, I beg
to differ. He was safe.
263
00:09:38,518 --> 00:09:39,760
You're blind and a liar.
264
00:09:39,898 --> 00:09:41,001
Pop, don't push it.
265
00:09:41,139 --> 00:09:42,208
You're a blind liar!
266
00:09:42,346 --> 00:09:43,826
I'm warning you,
cut it out right now.
267
00:09:45,483 --> 00:09:47,148
I'm giving you one
last warning. Cut it out.
268
00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:48,827
That's it. All right.
269
00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:50,896
You're out of here!
You're throwing me out?
270
00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:52,137
Get out of the game!
271
00:09:52,275 --> 00:09:53,378
Your own father?
272
00:09:53,516 --> 00:09:55,723
Yes. I'm sorry, but
let's go! Hit the showers!
273
00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:57,274
It'll be my pleasure!
274
00:09:57,412 --> 00:09:58,412
Let's go!
275
00:10:15,134 --> 00:10:16,134
Batter up.
276
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:23,891
Hi. Hi.
277
00:10:25,546 --> 00:10:26,546
You okay?
278
00:10:26,649 --> 00:10:28,201
Yep. Never better. How are you?
279
00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,063
I, uh
280
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,752
cannot wait for football season.
281
00:10:32,614 --> 00:10:33,614
Uh-huh.
282
00:10:35,027 --> 00:10:36,509
All right, just tell me,
283
00:10:36,647 --> 00:10:38,451
how long are you gonna be
upset about this Svetlana thing?
284
00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:39,544
I don't know.
285
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,992
Well, just so I can pace myself.
286
00:10:41,130 --> 00:10:42,164
Give me a rough idea.
287
00:10:42,301 --> 00:10:43,553
Like, a half an hour?
80 years? What?
288
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:45,991
I don't know. Forever?
289
00:10:46,129 --> 00:10:48,507
You're gonna be upset
about this forever?
290
00:10:48,645 --> 00:10:50,542
That's the plan.
291
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,990
Would you just tell me what
I can do to make this better
292
00:10:53,128 --> 00:10:54,644
There's nothing you can do.
293
00:10:54,783 --> 00:10:56,463
There's nothing...
nothing I can do at all?
294
00:10:56,541 --> 00:10:57,621
There's nothing you can do.
295
00:10:58,989 --> 00:11:00,851
Okay. Well, good.
All right, good.
296
00:11:00,989 --> 00:11:02,160
So, then let's eat.
297
00:11:03,471 --> 00:11:05,126
I'm sorry. I just
can't imagine a time
298
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:06,584
I'm not gonna be
upset about this.
299
00:11:08,057 --> 00:11:09,090
Sweetie,
300
00:11:09,228 --> 00:11:10,814
all right, let me
say this to you...
301
00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:15,745
I was wrong not
to tell you, okay?
302
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,917
I mean, even though
it meant nothing to me
303
00:11:18,055 --> 00:11:20,399
and I didn't even
remember it myself,
304
00:11:20,537 --> 00:11:23,157
I should have racked my
brains and combed my past,
305
00:11:23,295 --> 00:11:25,330
come up with this, and
I should have realized
306
00:11:25,468 --> 00:11:26,778
how it would have made you feel,
307
00:11:26,916 --> 00:11:28,305
and I should have... I should
have told you a long time ago,
308
00:11:28,329 --> 00:11:31,432
And for that, I am deeply,
deeply, genuinely sorry.
309
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:33,915
Okay.
310
00:11:34,742 --> 00:11:36,052
Really? Uh-huh.
311
00:11:37,086 --> 00:11:38,637
Okay...
312
00:11:38,776 --> 00:11:40,855
'Cause I can't wait to talk
about me again. Listen to this.
313
00:11:40,879 --> 00:11:42,465
My father... However, however...
314
00:11:42,603 --> 00:11:43,603
What's the matter?
315
00:11:43,706 --> 00:11:44,706
There is one little thing
316
00:11:44,809 --> 00:11:46,878
that I need to
tell you, too, Paul.
317
00:11:47,016 --> 00:11:48,016
There is?
318
00:11:48,119 --> 00:11:49,360
Yeah. There's a little...
319
00:11:49,498 --> 00:11:50,774
Thing out of my past,
320
00:11:50,912 --> 00:11:52,222
a little unthinking kind of...
321
00:11:52,359 --> 00:11:54,566
"Oh, my god, I forgot"
thing that I have, too.
322
00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:56,083
Okay.
323
00:11:56,221 --> 00:11:57,359
I hate to tell you,
324
00:11:57,496 --> 00:11:58,669
'Cause, boy, I don't want you
325
00:11:58,807 --> 00:12:00,807
to go through the kind
of hell I've been in lately.
326
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,979
No, no, no. That's
okay. Go ahead.
327
00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:05,117
Paul...
328
00:12:05,461 --> 00:12:06,461
Honey...
329
00:12:06,530 --> 00:12:07,530
Yes?
330
00:12:07,599 --> 00:12:08,703
I, uh...
331
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,667
I actually once
332
00:12:10,805 --> 00:12:11,805
accidentally
333
00:12:12,771 --> 00:12:14,011
Had sex for money.
334
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:17,804
I'm sorry?
335
00:12:18,390 --> 00:12:19,908
I had sex for money
336
00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:21,631
accidentally
337
00:12:21,769 --> 00:12:23,872
once, many years ago.
338
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,606
Okay, that's what I don't
understand, accidentally. So how...
339
00:12:25,630 --> 00:12:26,910
Yeah, I was right
out of college,
340
00:12:27,009 --> 00:12:29,285
I was broke, I met
this guy at a party,
341
00:12:29,423 --> 00:12:31,768
and we went back to my place,
342
00:12:31,906 --> 00:12:33,146
and the next morning,
343
00:12:33,284 --> 00:12:35,594
he was gone, and he left me...
344
00:12:35,732 --> 00:12:37,559
$100, and I kept it.
345
00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:41,938
That true? Yeah.
346
00:12:43,835 --> 00:12:46,041
Okay, well,
that's... you know...
347
00:12:46,179 --> 00:12:48,282
It's not like there was
a prearranged thing
348
00:12:48,420 --> 00:12:50,292
where there was a price
and both parties knew it.
349
00:12:50,316 --> 00:12:51,661
No, no, but I can understand
350
00:12:51,799 --> 00:12:53,729
why he would think
I was, you know,
351
00:12:53,867 --> 00:12:55,522
a working girl. I was...
352
00:12:56,487 --> 00:12:58,970
I was pretty trashy
that night. Oh, boy.
353
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,246
Wow.
354
00:13:02,486 --> 00:13:03,521
All right. Well, good.
355
00:13:03,659 --> 00:13:04,901
Well, then there you go.
356
00:13:05,038 --> 00:13:07,210
I'm glad you shared that.
357
00:13:08,176 --> 00:13:09,589
Just gives you a $100 bill,
358
00:13:09,727 --> 00:13:10,979
and just puts it on
the dresser there?
359
00:13:11,003 --> 00:13:12,037
Yep.
360
00:13:12,175 --> 00:13:13,347
Wow. Ha.
361
00:13:13,485 --> 00:13:14,622
Just like a crisp $100 bill?
362
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:17,174
Yeah. I don't know if it
was exactly a $100 bill.
363
00:13:17,312 --> 00:13:18,794
50s? Whatever. 20s, 10s.
364
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,346
20s? I think maybe some 5s.
365
00:13:20,484 --> 00:13:21,684
5s? Maybe a couple of singles.
366
00:13:22,311 --> 00:13:23,552
Really? I think some change.
367
00:13:24,414 --> 00:13:25,518
Change? Uh-huh.
368
00:13:26,069 --> 00:13:27,069
And a bus pass.
369
00:13:28,966 --> 00:13:30,551
All of this he leaves
on the dresser?
370
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:31,827
Yep. Well
371
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:33,310
no.
372
00:13:34,068 --> 00:13:35,309
Where's he put it?
373
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,447
On the floor.
374
00:13:39,343 --> 00:13:42,183
Guy leaves $100 in small bills, some
change and a bus pass on the floor?
375
00:13:42,273 --> 00:13:43,273
Yeah.
376
00:13:43,377 --> 00:13:44,411
As payment for sex?
377
00:13:44,549 --> 00:13:46,032
Yeah.
378
00:13:46,170 --> 00:13:47,930
Just right there on
the floor, you're saying?
379
00:13:47,997 --> 00:13:49,790
Not right directly on the floor.
380
00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:51,307
I think the change
and the bus pass
381
00:13:51,445 --> 00:13:52,686
were just thrown on the floor,
382
00:13:52,824 --> 00:13:54,858
but the bills were... not.
383
00:13:56,824 --> 00:13:57,824
Where are the bills?
384
00:13:57,892 --> 00:13:58,892
In his wallet.
385
00:14:01,857 --> 00:14:02,936
So you sleep with this guy...
386
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,512
W-w-w-we didn't, you know,
387
00:14:04,649 --> 00:14:06,143
Sleep together sleep together.
You didn't sleep together?
388
00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:07,235
But we were going to.
389
00:14:07,373 --> 00:14:08,729
Oh, my god. We
were going to, but...
390
00:14:08,753 --> 00:14:10,545
But what? But we didn't.
391
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,324
Now, so you didn't. I
barely knew the guy.
392
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:20,474
Okay.
393
00:14:22,336 --> 00:14:23,440
Guy comes to your house...
394
00:14:23,578 --> 00:14:24,578
You know what? Forget it.
395
00:14:25,439 --> 00:14:26,639
I'm just trying to understand.
396
00:14:39,609 --> 00:14:40,782
Yes?
397
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,437
Hi. I'm looking for
Svetlana Poszinsky, please?
398
00:14:43,574 --> 00:14:44,574
Yes.
399
00:14:44,643 --> 00:14:46,781
Also the former
Svetlana Buchman.
400
00:14:47,056 --> 00:14:48,436
Yes.
401
00:14:48,574 --> 00:14:51,229
Does Svetlana Poszinsky, the
former Svetlana Buchman, live here?
402
00:14:51,366 --> 00:14:52,504
You bet.
403
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:53,815
May I speak with her, please?
404
00:14:53,952 --> 00:14:54,952
By all means.
405
00:14:55,952 --> 00:14:57,468
Is she home now? Uh-huh.
406
00:14:57,606 --> 00:14:58,766
May I speak with her, please?
407
00:14:58,917 --> 00:14:59,986
Please.
408
00:15:00,123 --> 00:15:01,123
Ok, um...
409
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:02,306
Boy, I don't mean to be rude.
410
00:15:02,330 --> 00:15:04,123
I'm just gonna ask
this one more time.
411
00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:06,467
May I please speak
with Svetlana Poszinsky?
412
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,088
Absolutely, you may.
413
00:15:08,226 --> 00:15:09,226
Is she home now?
414
00:15:09,846 --> 00:15:10,846
Yes, she is.
415
00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:12,225
Great. May I speak with her?
416
00:15:12,363 --> 00:15:13,466
Sure.
417
00:15:13,604 --> 00:15:15,328
Ok. Um...
418
00:15:16,431 --> 00:15:17,673
You know what? Let's try this.
419
00:15:17,811 --> 00:15:18,949
What is your name, please?
420
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,775
Svetlana Poszinsky.
421
00:15:22,293 --> 00:15:23,327
Are you sure?
422
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,904
Yes. Your name is
Svetlana Poszinsky?
423
00:15:24,982 --> 00:15:26,016
Yes. Are you sure?
424
00:15:26,154 --> 00:15:27,912
Yes. Formerly Svetlana Buchman?
425
00:15:28,050 --> 00:15:29,326
This is what I'm saying.
426
00:15:29,463 --> 00:15:30,463
Oh, my god.
427
00:15:36,773 --> 00:15:39,462
Here we go. It's the
actual civil war Yankees
428
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,738
against the...
429
00:15:40,876 --> 00:15:41,910
"Hey, your fly is open,
430
00:15:42,048 --> 00:15:43,841
you can't go out
like that" mets.
431
00:15:44,392 --> 00:15:45,634
Uhh!
432
00:15:45,772 --> 00:15:46,840
How you doing?
433
00:15:46,978 --> 00:15:49,495
I'm okay. I took more
Advil than a lab rat.
434
00:15:50,013 --> 00:15:51,013
All right.
435
00:15:51,115 --> 00:15:52,702
So, good. Batter up.
436
00:15:52,839 --> 00:15:54,160
Leading off for the Yankees,
437
00:15:54,184 --> 00:15:56,356
loving husband to Sylvia,
438
00:15:56,494 --> 00:15:59,390
loving father to Debbie,
Sharon, and Paul...
439
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,735
Well, to Debbie and Sharon.
440
00:16:04,148 --> 00:16:07,526
Proud grandfather to Jed, Noah,
441
00:16:07,665 --> 00:16:09,803
and the delicious new Mabel,
442
00:16:09,941 --> 00:16:12,388
the first baseman, number 10,
443
00:16:12,526 --> 00:16:15,629
Burt Buchman.
444
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,009
Number 10.
445
00:16:17,664 --> 00:16:19,456
Whoo! Go!
446
00:16:19,593 --> 00:16:22,524
Burt, I can read
your watch from here.
447
00:16:23,903 --> 00:16:25,869
Okay. Come on, now.
448
00:16:26,007 --> 00:16:27,214
Just you and me, baby.
449
00:16:27,558 --> 00:16:28,869
Come on, Al.
450
00:16:29,007 --> 00:16:30,937
We're just playing catch, Al.
451
00:16:31,075 --> 00:16:32,316
Okay, Al.
452
00:16:33,178 --> 00:16:34,522
Al.
453
00:16:35,281 --> 00:16:38,039
Al.
454
00:16:38,177 --> 00:16:39,246
Huh?
455
00:16:39,384 --> 00:16:40,452
Throw the ball.
456
00:16:40,590 --> 00:16:42,729
All right. Who's arguing?
457
00:16:44,866 --> 00:16:45,866
Strike!
458
00:16:45,969 --> 00:16:46,969
Naturally.
459
00:16:47,038 --> 00:16:49,520
Shame on you,
Blue, for making a call
460
00:16:49,659 --> 00:16:50,934
against your father!
461
00:16:51,072 --> 00:16:52,899
They get a nice
crowd here, don't they?
462
00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:54,830
Okay.
463
00:16:54,968 --> 00:16:58,071
You're gonna zing it right
in to me, Al. Okay, Al?
464
00:16:58,209 --> 00:16:59,449
Here we go, Al.
465
00:17:00,933 --> 00:17:04,208
Al.
466
00:17:05,552 --> 00:17:06,656
Al!
467
00:17:08,034 --> 00:17:10,103
Stop hollering.
What's wrong with you?
468
00:17:13,413 --> 00:17:14,516
Good ball.
469
00:17:14,655 --> 00:17:15,689
Are you sure?
470
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:17,102
All right.
471
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,240
Paulie, maybe you should
472
00:17:18,378 --> 00:17:20,170
and this is only a suggestion,
473
00:17:20,308 --> 00:17:21,792
but maybe you
should be big about this
474
00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:24,756
and just say that you made
the wrong call the other day.
475
00:17:24,894 --> 00:17:26,791
No. The man was
safe, I called him safe,
476
00:17:26,929 --> 00:17:27,929
And the decision stands.
477
00:17:28,066 --> 00:17:30,169
If we start changing
the call after the fact,
478
00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:32,628
I'm really worried that the
game is gonna lose its integrity.
479
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:33,652
Gin!
480
00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:37,927
I think the integrity ship
kind of already sailed.
481
00:17:38,065 --> 00:17:39,512
Oh, look at them.
Mal, do me a favor.
482
00:17:39,651 --> 00:17:42,236
Would you please see if we
can get the furniture off the infield?
483
00:17:43,511 --> 00:17:44,511
Ohh.
484
00:17:47,063 --> 00:17:48,063
Pop,
485
00:17:48,925 --> 00:17:50,270
let me say this:
486
00:17:50,407 --> 00:17:52,614
I just wish there was some
way we could clear this up.
487
00:17:53,234 --> 00:17:54,338
Well, me, too.
488
00:17:54,476 --> 00:17:55,786
I'm zooming.
489
00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:57,234
Watch me zoom.
490
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,061
Maybe there is a
way to clear this up.
491
00:18:00,199 --> 00:18:01,337
What do you mean?
492
00:18:01,475 --> 00:18:03,313
Aunt Syl, can I see that
camera for one second?
493
00:18:03,337 --> 00:18:04,370
Oh, yeah.
494
00:18:04,508 --> 00:18:06,060
Little instant replay.
495
00:18:06,198 --> 00:18:07,508
All right.
496
00:18:07,647 --> 00:18:08,715
That's so smart.
497
00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:10,646
He's a very, very smart man.
498
00:18:10,784 --> 00:18:13,024
All right, gentlemen.
Here we go.
499
00:18:13,162 --> 00:18:15,335
Al "the butcher"
Birnbaum hits the ball.
500
00:18:15,473 --> 00:18:17,265
There's Ira running, running.
501
00:18:17,403 --> 00:18:19,645
Mr. Edlin throws,
which, all due respect,
502
00:18:19,783 --> 00:18:21,747
would be in slow motion
even at normal speed.
503
00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:23,920
And he's safe!
504
00:18:24,540 --> 00:18:25,574
Ha!
505
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,057
Safe? Yes.
506
00:18:27,195 --> 00:18:28,712
You were right. He was safe.
507
00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:30,539
Yes. Yes.
508
00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:31,746
I'm sorry, Paul.
509
00:18:31,884 --> 00:18:32,884
That's okay.
510
00:18:32,952 --> 00:18:35,711
No, no, no. I mean,
I'm really sorry.
511
00:18:36,125 --> 00:18:37,125
Paul...
512
00:18:37,676 --> 00:18:38,676
Son,
513
00:18:39,296 --> 00:18:40,710
my son,
514
00:18:40,848 --> 00:18:42,882
I'm sorry. Man to man...
515
00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:44,192
I apologize to you.
516
00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:45,710
Well... accepted.
517
00:18:45,847 --> 00:18:47,123
No, no, no. This is big.
518
00:18:47,261 --> 00:18:48,674
I'm terribly sorry.
519
00:18:48,812 --> 00:18:50,087
I'm filled with remorse.
520
00:18:50,225 --> 00:18:51,616
That's all right.
Pop, it's in the past.
521
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,545
It happened. It's over. It's
gone. Don't worry about it.
522
00:18:53,569 --> 00:18:55,156
Really? Yeah, absolutely.
523
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,303
Boy, that was a nice moment.
524
00:19:02,327 --> 00:19:03,499
Nice little moment.
525
00:19:03,638 --> 00:19:06,154
Don't worry. I've got
the whole thing on tape.
526
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,291
Hi.
527
00:19:08,429 --> 00:19:11,774
Hi. Paul, I believe you
know Svetlana Poszinsky.
528
00:19:13,636 --> 00:19:15,394
Hello, Svetlana.
529
00:19:15,532 --> 00:19:16,945
Hi, Paul.
530
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:18,128
Svetlana, I'm sure you remember
531
00:19:18,152 --> 00:19:19,463
your ex-mother
and father-in-law,
532
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,635
Sylvia and Burt Buchman.
533
00:19:21,773 --> 00:19:25,186
Sylvia, Burt, of course you
know Paul's first wife Svetlana.
534
00:19:26,013 --> 00:19:27,461
What are you talking about?
535
00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:30,150
Okay, did I mention this
to nobody at the time?
536
00:19:30,288 --> 00:19:32,978
You made her sound
like a James Bond girl.
537
00:19:33,116 --> 00:19:35,909
In the earlier films when
he was a struggling spy.
538
00:19:36,529 --> 00:19:37,908
Come on. Play ball.
539
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:39,424
We're burning daylight here.
540
00:19:39,562 --> 00:19:42,424
Mal Noonan, do you know
Paul's first wife Svetlana?
541
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,390
Hello.
542
00:19:45,527 --> 00:19:47,561
Charmed, I'm sure.
543
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:49,975
Paul, may I?
544
00:19:50,906 --> 00:19:52,216
Please.
545
00:19:52,354 --> 00:19:53,871
Has everybody had a chance
546
00:19:54,009 --> 00:19:55,974
to meet Paul's
first wife Svetlana?
547
00:20:02,732 --> 00:20:04,869
Well, that's something I
never would have expected.
548
00:20:05,007 --> 00:20:08,420
Svetlana comes down after all
these years, meets another guy.
549
00:20:08,558 --> 00:20:09,834
Yeah. How you doing with that?
550
00:20:09,972 --> 00:20:11,317
You hanging in there?
551
00:20:11,454 --> 00:20:12,464
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
552
00:20:12,488 --> 00:20:14,523
It was a paper marriage.
553
00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:16,247
I believe you said
she was exotic.
554
00:20:16,385 --> 00:20:19,143
I was 20, she had an
accent. What do you want?
555
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:22,039
Why didn't you tell me
she was 73 years old?
556
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:23,911
If I knew that her age made
such a difference to you,
557
00:20:23,935 --> 00:20:25,555
believe me, I would
have mentioned it.
558
00:20:25,694 --> 00:20:27,797
You said she was
a student at NYU?
559
00:20:27,934 --> 00:20:30,831
No, I didn't. I said
I met her at NYU.
560
00:20:30,969 --> 00:20:32,727
She worked in the cafeteria.
561
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,106
Listen to me.
562
00:20:34,244 --> 00:20:35,692
In a situation like this,
563
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:37,175
details are very important.
564
00:20:37,968 --> 00:20:39,037
Listen, you ask me,
565
00:20:39,174 --> 00:20:40,932
and I'll give you all
the details you want.
566
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:42,219
All right. Well, next time...
567
00:20:42,243 --> 00:20:43,459
No. There's not
gonna be a next time.
568
00:20:43,483 --> 00:20:46,000
Really? So you don't have
any other former wives?
569
00:20:46,483 --> 00:20:47,483
Uh,
570
00:20:47,552 --> 00:20:48,828
no.
571
00:20:48,966 --> 00:20:50,413
You sure? Yeah. I'm really sure.
572
00:20:50,551 --> 00:20:51,621
Okay. Good.
573
00:20:51,759 --> 00:20:53,119
All right. So it's
over? It's over.
574
00:20:53,655 --> 00:20:54,655
Good.
575
00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:58,998
What?
576
00:20:59,136 --> 00:21:00,757
Okay, so who was
the guy with the wallet?
577
00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:20,099
Sweetie, sweetie. I don't
feel like it. Not tonight.
578
00:21:20,788 --> 00:21:21,823
Really?
579
00:21:21,961 --> 00:21:23,030
I'm just so tired.
580
00:21:23,374 --> 00:21:24,374
You are?
581
00:21:24,443 --> 00:21:26,270
Yeah. Oh. I'm almost asleep.
582
00:21:28,201 --> 00:21:29,236
I understand.
38857
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