All language subtitles for Mad About You S06E13 Cheating On Sheila.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.MLLCRK

See, you have to
understand, I love my father.

I love him a tremendous amount.

Yes, but it's very hard. He's over
at the house all day, every day.

Yeah, I mean, you
know, "Honor thy father."

That's gotta be easily

one of the top 5 or 6
commandments, don't you think?

Paul's very busy
right now trying

to choose his next project.

It's a tense time for
him, and it's very difficult

with Burt clamoring for
attention every second.

Yeah, but then I think about

all that he's done
for me my entire life.

And I want to extend
myself in return, you know?

He's saying if it
goes on much longer,

he's going to jump out a window.

This is what I'm saying.

Uh-huh.

"Uh-huh?"

Uh-huh.

"Uh-huh?"

I think the thing is,

My mom, see, she
recently took a job.

You know those little cards
you get in pants pockets

that say, "Inspected
by number 12?"

Uh-huh. She's number 12.

Well, you know, it just
seems to have created

some sort of problem
between them.

And, uh, I think,

I think my dad wants to
go back to work himself,

but he's not... I think,
I think he's envious.

Honey, he's over at
the apartment all day

in his slippers,
happy as a clam.

I don't think he wants
to go back to work.

Well, you know. Uh-huh.

Well, what do you think it is?

Paul, rather than

jumping to some snap
judgment of my own,

why don't we investigate
what you think it is?

Well, again, I, I think...

I think he wants
to go back to work.

Uh-huh.

And I think he's
wearing slippers.

Uh-huh.

Could you possibly say
anything else besides "uh-huh"?

Oh, we're out of time.

Very good.

Oh, now, before you go,

you haven't RSVP'd
to my fund-raiser

for the Habitat For Humanity.

Yeah. Yeah.

Here's the thing about that.

We want to go... Yeah.

We believe in humanity.

And, uh, we feel it
should have a habitat.

It's just, I hope you won't
take this the wrong way,

we're not sure we're
entirely comfortable

with the idea of
seeing you socially.

Uh-huh.

But simply because, you
know, you know all our stuff.

Which is okay in this room.

In this room, that's perfectly,
you know, appropriate.

Yeah, but in a social situation,

I think we'd be thinking...

We'll be thinking, "hey, she
knows all our stuff." Right.

And how would
that make you feel?

Well, we decided that we just...

It'd just, you know, be blicky.

"Blicky?"

Yeah, that's what we
decided. A little blicky.

Jamie, do you feel
that it might be blicky?

Well, I mean, I feel
it might be blicky.

Don't you feel it might
conceivably be blicky?

Whether I feel it would be
blicky or not is not the issue.

The issue is do you
feel it might be blicky?

So you're saying just we
should come to the fund-raiser.

Well, how would
you feel about that?

We'll just see you there.

Good god! PAUL: What?

The person in charge
of our mental health

has that hanging in her house.

Good god!

Hey! What?

What is this?

Hey, how are you?

Please tell me she has a dog.

I haven't seen a
dog. Oh, good god.

Glad you came?
Yeah, really glad.

Hi! Hi.

I'm so glad you could make it.

Well, thanks. You
have a lovely home.

Yes. Some lovely knickknacks.

Thanks.

Oh, Bruce and Janet,

This is Jamie and Jose.

It's Paul, actually.

What?

Paul. You just called me Jose.

No, I didn't.

Whoo, hey there, gimlet boy.

Where you goin'?

Ooh, nothing but joy here. Yeah.

Good god!

What the hell is that?

We honestly don't know.

But the artist is
right behind you.

No! No.

I'm kidding. I'm sorry.

Paul, Jamie Buchman. Hello.

Sydney, Sydney warren.

I can't, I can't
believe this thing.

Yeah, well, whatever you do,
don't look at the table behind us.

Why? What's on the
table... Oh, come on!

Told you not to look.

Tell me, tell me there's a dog.

No dog.

It's a party, for God's sake.

Couldn't she put something
on the table like a cracker?

Are you a patient of Sheila's?

I'm a fellow shrink,
actually. How about you?

Oh, we're actually
patients of Sheila's.

Oh, okay, so you must
be pretty scared right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't be fooled. She's
a very, very good doctor.

No, I'm sure. Of course
she is. No question.

But when this woman
leaves the office,

she really leaves the office.

Yes, yes...

See, that's what
we should do, honey.

Get a couple of these
around the apartment,

And that'll scare my dad away.

Oh, right. Your father?

Long story.

Please. I'm desperate not to
see any more of the apartment.

My mom just took a job, so
he's going through a thing.

I think, I think he's envious.

How old is your father?

Uh, he's almost 70.

He's not envious.
He feels abandoned.

He's what? Nine times
out of ten cases like this,

that's exactly what it is.

Oh, god, honey.

That's what it is.

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna
write a check to the Habitat For Humanity

and go home and try not to
dream about anything I saw here.

It was nice talking to you.

Nice talking to you,
too. Nice to meet you.

Okay. Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Apparently not.

That's what a
therapist should be like.

What do you mean? He's a person.

He is. A person with answers.

Yeah, see, he didn't
have all those questions.

What are your feelings?
How are your feelings?

Your feelings. Your feelings.
Your feelings. Your feelings.

All right, sweetie, we get it.

I'm sick of paying $100 an hour

so that some woman
can make me crazy.

Yeah, you don't
need her for that.

I'm agreeing with
you! I'm agreeing.

But, honey, you know, we've got a
fine, fine therapist of our own there.

Jacuzzi!

Pauly, they're gonna love
your film about mole rats.

Hey, hey, it's Natalie Allen!

Yes, it is. All right.

So good, get him, get him
on the phone. Let's do it.

It's Natalie Allen,
anchorwoman for CNN.

I see it right there on
the set. Thank you. Okay.

Any ideas? How do
you pitch to Ken Burns?

Taste this. What, oh!

Dad, thank you. Okay.

Here you go, Pauly.
Hang on one second.

Hello. Ken Burns'
office, please.

Look at Natalie Allen. Oh! Oh!

She's so smart, and
she looks so great.

And she finds out about
everything right away.

Yeah, Ken, hi. Paul
Buchman. How are you?

Listen, do you have two minutes?

Maybe we can
talk about mole rats.

Good. Here, listen,
here's what I was thinking...

Natalie Allen
says it, I believe it.

The Serbs are mad at the Croats?

Yes! El nino, el facto!

Yeah, no, sorry. That's my dad.

He's, he's over
for just right now.

What I would do, personally,

I think we should go naked
mole rat by naked mole rat

until you find a naked mole rat

that you just
can't help but love.

Pauly, guess what's on here?

Pop, I'm on the phone. So can...

You're thinking
mustard, aren't you?

I thought it was mustard. Yes.

Worcestershire. Ha ha!

Okay, I'm wrong.

Sorry about that. Um, What I...

Whenever something tastes good,

and you don't know what it is,

it's usually Worcestershire.

Thank you. Hang on one second.

Hey, you know who invented
Worcestershire sauce?

Who? Benjamin franklin.

Oh, come on. No, it's true.

It was just after he
got hit by lightning.

He didn't mean to. He
was going for ketchup.

Hey.

Oh, you would not believe
the pants I saw today.

Unwearable.

Ken, I'm gonna have to call
you back. All right? Thank you.

And inspector number 10,

she passed them right
through like she always does.

I mean, what does she care?

She only got a job because
she slept with inspector number 5.

That happens all the time
in that business, Aunt Syl.

You go in for the
love of quality control,

you stay for the sex.

Hiya, Mom. Hi.

You're not going
to say hi to pop?

Hi!

Oh, hi.

Oh, Natalie Allen... again.

Uh-huh.

Good for you.

That's it?

What?

What?

None of my business.

Grab a seat. Dr. Warren
will be in in just a minute.

Thank you. Thanks.

Wow! This... this is a room.

Honey, look at the fire!

Wow! This is a room
where you get well.

Hmm. Now, listen, do me a favor.

What? Don't do what
you did with Sheila.

What? We're starting fresh
here with a new person.

Don't poison the well.

That's what I did with Sheila?

I poisoned the well?

You put incorrect notions
about us in her head.

We were never
able to get them out.

Like what?

It doesn't matter
now. No, but like what?

A billion things.

Like what?

Like that we hate cats.

What? Sheila
thinks we hate cats.

This is what you're
worried about?

That this guy will
think we don't like cats?

It bothered me. It came
up more than once.

She thinks we hate cats,
which means we're dog people.

Not just people who
like dogs, dog people,

which means we are needy,
not giving. It bothers me.

What is wrong with you?

Hey! Hi.

Sit down. Sit down. How are you?

Relax, relax. Did
you eat? I got Zabar's.

Oh.

Uh, no, thank you very much.

I try not to eat before
I'm going to spill my guts.

Come on. Come
on. Come on. Dive in.

I'm way wildly
too nervous to eat.

Don't be nervous.
Don't be nervous.

Let me see if I
can scare up a pen.

Okay.

I like that painting very much.

Oh, thanks. That's a local
artist named, uh, Robert Katz.

Oh, we love cats.

I, uh, must say I was a
little surprised to get this call.

Yeah. Do you feel it's unethical

to visit one shrink while
you're seeing another?

Absolutely not.

Really? This
happens all the time.

You know, I think I lost
a patient to Sheila once.

Pfft. Hard to imagine that.

It's just a question of who
clicks with whom, you know?

Besides, the point is,
you did the right thing.

Okay, good.

I'll have a bagel.

Great. All right,
let's go to work.

The other night, you
were talking about

your father hanging
around all the time.

And you said that maybe he
feels abandoned by my mom.

You were absolutely
right, by the way.

Yeah, so I was trying

to get in touch with
my feelings about...

Come on, you know your feelings
about this. You're a nice guy.

You want your
parents to be happy.

And also, you have a life
you'd like to lead occasionally,

If nobody minds.

Yeah.

So, the question
is, what do you do?

Yes, okay, yes, what do I do?

What's he do? What is it?

Is your father going to
come over again tomorrow?

Tomorrow? What is tomorrow?

Is tomorrow a day of the week?

Absolutely.

He'll be there.

Paul, here's what you gotta do.

You gotta engage him.

You gotta get him to admit

that he resents your
mother taking the job.

Yes. Yes.

My guess is on some
level, he wants you to.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, here's what
he's probably thinking.

"Here I am, finally in the
golden years of my life,

"and this woman has
given me the shaft."

Probably. Yeah. Definitely!

Now, once you get him going,

once you get him
to acknowledge it,

he'll, you know, he'll
do the rest by himself,

and then all your
problems will be solved.

Yes, yes, yes.

You've been saying that?

I've been thinking it.

How is that, good?

Dr. Warren, I am
sorry to disturb.

Mrs. Arthur's on
the phone again.

Is she humming? Mm-hmm.

I better take this.

This is a dear older woman,

and, for her, I bend
the rules. No problem.

I'll be right back.
Sure. No problem.

Okay. I love him. Me, too!

I'll tell you what we're
gonna do, my little friend.

What's that? We're
dumping Sheila.

Really? Yeah.

You like him more.
I like him more.

Yeah, okay, yeah. We're
gonna dump Sheila. All right.

But, you know, let's
just not do it cold turkey.

I think it'll be a lot kinder

if we just taper off
with Sheila over time

while we continue to see him.

You want to pay
for two therapists?

Maybe a clean break is best.

The way I see it, Ken,

The story of the mole
rat is the story of all of us.

Oh, God! Look at her today.

It's really, it's about

the little naked
rodent in all of us, Ken.

And, and to me, I think it's
a fascinating documentary.

Smell this. What?
Pop, I'm on the phone.

You see I'm talking to Ken.

Let me ask you
something. What's that?

Who was the genius

that first let milk lay
around and get all moldy

and all of a sudden realized,

"You know what that is? Cheese."

I don't know who was
the first guy that did it.

You can do a
documentary about that.

Sorry. That's my dad again.

Ken, I'm gonna have to
call you back. So sorry.

You think Ted Turner chooses
his anchorwomen himself?

It could be, pop. You
know, I don't know.

I want to ask you
something. Sure.

I'm gonna sit down
and talk for a second.

It's all right.
It's all right, uh.

How ya doin'? Good.

Yeah? Yeah.

Good. Yeah.

Here's a question.
Did you, just thinkin',

did you have any, I don't know,

any anger or any feelings

when mom took the
job at the factory?

No! Why should I
have any feelings?

If she wants to spend our
retirement inspecting pants,

who am I to say no?

No, no, but, yeah, but
no, that's okay. Hold it.

But really, there was
no sense of anger? No.

No? No.

No resentment? Nah!

Abandonment?

Well... Yeah?

Yeah? A little sense
of abandonment? Oh.

W-w-well... Or, or betrayal?

Mmm... Ill feelings,
maybe, or disgruntled.

All right! All right!
Yes! Yes! Yes!

I feel abandoned! Yes.

She gave me the shaft!

She did? Yes!

46 years we worked so
we wouldn't have to work.

We could just be
together. Right.

And what does she do
at that precious time?

She gives you the shaft. Yes!

Yeah! That's not right.

You know what? What?

I'm going over there.

I'm going to have a little talk
with her! This has gone far enough!

Well, all right. Great.
That's a great idea.

Uh, before you go!
Before you go, Pop. Yeah?

Put on some pants.

Oh, oh.

All right. Listen, we're gonna
be tough and honest with Sheila,

and just get this thing
over with. Yes, of course.

Just an iota of compassion,
that's all I'm asking you for.

I'm compassionate.

I'm plenty compassionate.

All right. All right.

What kind of bagels do
you think Sheila will bring?

All right.

Hi. Hi, Sheila.

Okay. Let's see.

When last we left,

we were investigating
your feelings vis-a-vis Mort.

Who? Burt.

That's what I said. Yeah.

Since then, we've actually
taken some actual steps.

You have? Yes, we have.

We engaged my father,
and we got him to talk about it,

and, uh, frankly, it worked,
because he just, you know,

Picked up and walked out
of the apartment on his own.

Uh-huh.

Here we go.

What? Nothing.

So how do you feel
about your solution?

Well,

Great. We feel great
about our solution.

Well, good. Yeah.

Maybe now we should
examine any separation anxiety

you may have with the
departure of your father.

That's just what we're gonna do.

Jamie, I'm, I'm sensing a
certain hostility from you today.

Are ya? Okay. You
know, you know.

Sheila, here's the thing.

We've decided to
change therapists.

Uh-huh.

Yeah. Sheila, believe
me, it-it's not you.

Honey. It's a little bit you.

We're finding our
sessions frustrating

and, frankly, unhelpful.

Well, of course, this
comes as a great shock.

Well, we're sorry.
We really are.

And something of a personal
and professional disappointment.

We understand. We really do.

But part of my job is to accept
such a decision with grace

and with all good wishes
for your future happiness.

Well, thank you. That's
very sweet of you.

Uh... but I would be remiss
if I didn't mention to you

that I think you're
making a mistake.

Yeah. Well, listen, you know...

I've seen this sort
of thing backfire.

Well, perhaps it will.
We can only hope...

I have a question for you.

Please.

Have you thought
about my feelings?

Sheila, we never... You're not the
first ones to run out on me, you know.

We wish you all the best.

You know it's my
birthday in two weeks?

Well, if we don't see ya,
have a happy birthday.

You're just, you're just stupid!

You're both really stupid!

Well, be that as it may...

You're rolling the dice
with your mental health,

which I gotta tell ya Is not exactly
the Rock of Gibraltar to begin with.

Hey! Well, fine. You know...

You deserve every drop of
misery that God will send to you!

You, you know what, Sheila...

A pox! A pox on your house!

I think our time is up.

Yeah. Actually, we
have 45 minutes...

Honey! Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.

Maybe we could pro rate or
get a voucher or something?

I'm gonna tell everyone I know
everything I know about you!

And then I'm gonna
make some stuff up!

How ya doin', Syl?

Oh, please, Burt, I'm at work.

Call me Inspector.

Oh. Sorry, inspector.

Uh, everybody, this is Burt.

Burt, this is 2, 4, 6, 8

and 10.

The odds are out smoking again.

Nice to meet ya.

Don't mind 10.

See, before I came
here, anything went.

Now people show some
respect for a job well done.

Yeah, we're a real gung-ho
bunch now, thanks to you.

So why are you
here anyway, Burt?

Uh, Sylvia, I am angry with you.

You are? Yes.

Why? Because you took this job,

because you abandoned me.

You gave me the shaft.

I gave you the shaft?

You know what I'm saying.

You gave me the shaft in what
should have been our golden years!

Well! You seem to be
recovering very nicely,

you and, uh, that Natalie Allen.

Well, at least she looks at
me when she talks to me.

Well, you know, I
have somebody, too.

Who? Tiger Woods.

What?

Yes! He's a very
handsome young man.

And he can hit a 3-wood
290 yards off the fairway.

Now, I'm not exactly
sure what that means,

but it certainly sounds
very, very impressive.

Sylvia, all my life I've
been waiting for the day

when I could be sitting
around in my living room

and in my underwear
with you next to me.

So now I'm in my living
room and in my underwear,

but you're not there!

Burt, is there anything
I should worry about,

you and this Natalie Allen?

Well, Frankly, no.

In the end, when all the
fireworks have died down,

I'm not sure I need
that much news.

Good.

Is there anything that
I should worry about

with you and Tiger Woods?

No! I mean, he's
on the road so much.

Who needs that?

What do you say
we take a little walk?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'll cover for me, number 10?

Yep.

He's cute. Nice rise.

And we haven't
heard from Pop since.

That's great. I'm glad
everything worked out.

All thanks to you, Mister.

I'm sorry Sheila
blew up like that.

That's, that's too bad.

You know what? That's all
the proof we needed to know

that we did the right thing.

You don't suppose there really
is a pox on our house, do you?

No. No.

Good, oh, God!

We've gone half an
hour over. I'm so sorry.

Just relax. Sit,
sit, sit, sit, sit.

Relax, relax. We're
doing good work.

I don't like people
to feel rushed.

Whew. You better
watch that attitude, pal.

You're gonna get thrown
out of the Shrinks Union.

Thank you for the
wonderful advice

and the equally wonderful
Kung Pao chicken.

Yeah. Sorry. Once again,
we forgot to bring you anything.

We were just, we
were raised poorly is all.

Listen, at these
prices, the food's on me.

I keep meaning to
ask you, by the way,

how much do you
charge, if we may?

$475 an hour.

We made a huge mistake.

We were stupid, stupid people.

I don't know what
we were thinking.

Oh, and, by the
way, happy birthday.

Why did I get so upset
when they dumped me?

I don't even like 'em.

Because you're a nut.

I am?

You're completely
out of your mind.

I am, aren't I?

You shouldn't be
advising anybody.

You're probably right.

It's a crazy world, isn't it?

They're crazy. I'm crazy.

It's just a world filled
with crazy people.

Yeah.

Thank God.

Why did I get so upset
when they dumped me?

I don't even like 'em.

Because you're a nut.

I am?

You're completely
out of your mind.

I am, aren't I?

You shouldn't be
advising anybody.

You're probably right.

It's a crazy world, isn't it?

They're crazy. I'm crazy.

It's just a world filled
with crazy people.

Yeah.

Thank God.