All language subtitles for Last Of The Summer Wine s20e03 Whos Thrown.eng

Hey up, Howard.
I was hoping I'd find you here.

Aye, tha can always catch me
at the office at this hour.

Who'd have ever thought
that I would turn out to be such a creature of regular habits?

Could I speak to you on a private
matter? The sleeve, the sleeve.

This is pre-war material, old son.

I was wondering if you'd take
a message to a...a certain party.

I am always pleased to do a favour
for a friend,

but I wonder if you realise
just how expensive this personal message service can be.

All right, how much?

Mmm, a quid should do it. A pound?!
Cleggie used to do it for free!

Cleggy is an old softy,
used to be an Ovaltiney,

wears a vest in summer.

He used to do it,
but he won't do it any more.

All right, a pound.

Doesn't everyone wear a vest
even in summer?

How long have you
been going out with Marina? Well, since you mention it,

I arranged to meet Marina yesterday
and I couldn't get away.

I wasn't able to turn up.
Pearl closed all exits, eh?

I'd like you to explain to the
young lady that it wasn't my fault.

Hey up, that's a helluva lot of
explaining to do just for a quid.

He said he was sorry.
He couldn't get away.

It's of no interest to me whether
he's sorry or not. Give him a break.

How can you expect him to tunnel
his way out in the time available?

I was out there in the hills,
alone and vulnerable,

at the mercy
of every passing stranger...

only there weren't
any strangers passing.

I had time to think. I'm finished
with men. Don't be rash, lass.

It was a turning point in my life.

He wasn't there. Oh, he'll be so
disappointed. It was the last straw.

I'm fed up with being the plaything
of the male gender.

It's better than knitting.

That's the last time I'm sitting
out there, talking to three sheep.

Which reminds me, what am I going
to tell Howard? Tell him it's over.

Tell him I've decided to remain
a maiden. Can you do that after so many near misses?

Do you know what these are?

These are my Tom Cruise photographs.

Very good.

And do you know where they're going?
They're going in there.

That's it - finished.

I'm only grateful that fate stopped
me short of a fate worse than death.

Thrown her Tom Cruise photographs
away? This could be serious.

It IS serious.
She threw the bag in the bin.

I were there. And she's threatening
to wear longer skirts!

Does she wear short skirts?

I thought she just had longer legs
than most people.

What does Howard say? I haven't
told him yet. I haven't seen him.

What brought this on? He couldn't
get away. She's up in the hills, all alone, talking to three sheep.

Marginally better than talking to
Howard. She'd get more sense anyway.

It's all right for you lot.
I live next door to him. He'll be looking for a shoulder to lean on.

I'm no good at comforting husbands
abandoned by their girlfriends.

It takes a lighter touch
and a lot more knowledge.

I could do it! Tha could draw me in
on a "constultative" basis.

You've no experience with females.
Those things you went out with hardly qualified as feminine.

Marlena were feminine!

Only around the chest.
The rest was pure plant hire.

Did you have a word with
you know who? Break it to him gently. I hate to see suffering.

I will! Show a little compassion.
Break what to me gently?

She's dumped thee, Howard.
Romantically, tha's dead.

That WAS gently. You didn't have
to sugar the pill as much as that!

Why am I dead? It's not just thee,
Howard. She's finished with men.

Oh! Oh, she's said that before.

But has she ever thrown away all
her Tom Cruise photographs before?

She's thrown away her Tom Cruise
photos? In the bin. I were there.

That's really critical.
I remind her of Tom Cruise.

See? His mind's gone already.

You'll be all right, Howard. Life
without women has its compensations.

Such as what?!
I were wondering about that.

Such as, uh... Tell him, Clegg.

Hmm? Oh, well, uh...

Nobody runs over your feet
with a vacuum.

Tha calls that a compensation?!

Anyway, he's not without. He's
still got a woman. He's married.

Go on, rub it in!

Calm yourself, Howard.
You're like a raging bull...finch.

- Have you finished that window?
- No!

And what's more,
I might never finish another window!

Where do you think you're going?
None of your business!

..What's got into him? We think
he's worried about global warming.

The greenhouse effect.

The parazone layer.

You can't just throw everything away.

Think of all the mileage
we've done together. I've only just reconditioned your bicycle.

I've been used, Howard.

Only that time when you had
to help me straighten the wheel.

I've worn out two saddles and wasted
the best years of my life, Howard, and men aren't worth it.

We are worth it!
You're under your wife's thumb.

What rubbish.
I'm brutal with her. Ask anybody.

I can't really believe that.

Why not? Why can't you believe it?

Cos you're still wearing your pinny.

You don't think
he'll do anything rash?

He's done it. He answered back
to Pearl. She'll kill him.

He'll probably never go home.
He'll live in the woods, catch his own food.

Go on, look on the bright side.

Maybe he'll be all right.
Maybe she's got a soft spot for him. A cushion she'll smother him with.

She shouts at him, but I think
she loves him deep down, really. Rarely, according to Howard.

Gad, she was ugly.

That wasn't cosmetic.
That was your major ugly.

I do really think
even I couldn't go for that.

Auntie Wainwright's
new ladies department?

I was right. I couldn't fancy that.
Course, he could be lying.

Think of the relief when something
like that finishes with you.

I'm glad I couldn't fancy that!
It's Smiler!

Keep it down. Don't tell everybody.
I'm trying to remain anonymous.

It's Ginger Rogers!
It's more like Roy Rogers' horse.

Trigger. ..It is! It's Trigger.

I knew I'd bump into somebody
who'd take the Michael.

I didn't think they'd come in threes.
No. I'm getting used to him.

I think he's surprisingly delicious.

I wonder if she's spoken for.
We must tell Howard. Howard's available now.

Thanks, love.

One tube of glue. Thank you.

Is that all you've got to say to me,
after all these years?

Men! For a tube of glue,
they think they're entitled to an aria from Madame Butterfly.

Pass along. There's a queue.

There's no queue!
Instinct tells me there will shortly be a queue. Pass along, please.

Haven't you got holes
in your wellies?

You don't get holes in your wellies,
you get holes in your trousers.

I don't think it's compulsory.

NOW he tells me!

Huh!
Now he says it's not compulsory.

Hey up, Howard!
How's life with only one woman?

Some of us were made
for more than one.

It's nature's way of sharing out
the good things.

I'm sitting here,
staring into a bleak future.

I'm glad you're taking it so well.
I've narrowly rejected suicide

on the grounds
that Pearl would be heartbroken.

Tha should have said.
We could have cheered her up. Cleggy's only next door.

You should look after Pearl.

Compared to the former Mrs Truelove,
you've a little gem there. Pearl?!

Never missed a meal, have you,
Howard? Your shirt's always clean.

And the windows. Look who has them
to clean. She's there when you're in pain. She's usually causing it.

She's made you a snug little nest
there, Howard.

What about romance, excitement?

What does it amount to in your case,
eh? Mainly tinkering with Marina's bicycle.

We have a shared love of the bicycle.
Well, her wheel's just come off.

What do you want from life
apart from a window cleaner?

A bloke has to have some romance
in his life.

I'm with thee, Howard.
But I'VE got Nora Batty.

Have there always been
so many barmies or have they increased in recent years?

We've always had a fair share.

Do you think I'm too small
for the Foreign Legion?

You're right.
They ARE getting worse.

We'll have to get his love life
back on track.

How?! How?! We'll think of something.
I was Truly of the Yard.

Imagination is a great asset
to a policeman, especially when he hasn't a clue.

The thing is to approach it
logically,

in the approved police manner.

The question is
why has she given up on Howard? Because he's a great dozy dollop.

He's always been a dollop. Why
leave him now? Another good point.

See how it comes together
with a logical approach? The answer is looming already.

She's left him because she thinks
he's more of a dollop than usual.

What we have to do
is restore Howard's image. Back to dollop square one.

Correct. How? We've got to let her
see him in a more attractive light.

We must emphasise
his macho attributes. You must FIND them first.

There must be something.
I mean, how rough was he at school?

He come top in needlework.
Maybe he fouled a lot.

If she thought
he was attracting other women...

Howard?!

You never know with women.
It's amazing what they go for.

Even I feel under threat
in cake shops.

I'll have to teach thee some holds.

Excuse me, but what are we doing
near Auntie Wainwright's?

Funny you should say that...

Ah-ah... Ow!

No! I want you to note
that I'm going in under protest.

You'll be all right.
I'll look after you.

I took an oath to protect
all peaceful citizens.

I'd sooner wait outside. He would.
He came second in needlework.

Oh, very well, then, wait outside.

It's locked!

You don't think I'm going to let
people straight out?

How do you open it? Put something
in the till and it opens like magic.

I knew it!

Let's get down to some bargaining.
We're looking for Miss Smiler.

She's in the back.
Says her high heels are killing her.

RINGS BELL
What do you want her for? We want to see if she'll do from a distance.

Oh.

..Hoi! Come in, come in.

These gentlemen
want to have a look at you.

What for?
Beats me, but who are we to argue

if maybe they wish to hire you
for advertising purposes?

If we try hard with some make-up...

No, she'll look just as horrible
from a distance.

Look who's talking!

If we get the right angle,
we might manage it.

Ask her if she'll unlock the door
now.

Nobody's bought anything, let alone
paid for this model's demonstration.

D'you think I can parade my fashion
bunny on the catwalk for nothing?

What?! Nice little open vehicle
you've got there, Wesley.

Aye, it belongs to the missus.

Keeping her in good order, are you?
Not been easy. Same with the car.

It must be lonely living in a shed
with just a few old jokes. I enjoy it.

Would she be available for hire,
Wesley?

My missus? Very unlikely.
The car, you twit.

I couldn't let you have the missus's
car. She'd kill me. Need she know?

Wouldn't that be a lot like
being sneaky? Yes.

You repair cars, Wesley. Truly here
is repairing Howard's love life.

Cars are tricky enough for me!

You could be responsible
for bringing two lonely hearts together again. In an open car?

Wouldn't it be safer with the lid
on? We need it for a few minutes.

Marina has to see Howard in it
driving an attractive blonde.

Some very tall, attractive blonde.

Some very tall, heavily disguised,
AMAZINGLY ugly blonde.

If YOU think she's ugly, she must be.
You've had some terrible-looking things.

The cream of his crop - the ones
he dare be seen with in daylight.

I operate an open-door policy.
I've never been biased against ugly.

We've noticed that.

There's mileage to be gained
at that end of the market. Ho-ho!

I see. You've been
sort of recycling the waste.

None of them ever had a waist.
I had longer arms in them days.

Who'll be driving? Howard.
Is he insured?

He lives with Pearl. He must be.

Be careful, Barry.
I'm only going straight home.

Be careful anyway.
It's only a few streets.

Do you ever feel like singing,
Barry, telling everybody how glad you are you're married?

This is a hypothetical question?
I don't have to start singing?

Don't you ever feel like
shouting it over the rooftops?

Would it be practical,
with people being double-glazed?

Ah, Brenda.
Is your Barry going straight home?

My Barry can be relied on
to go straight home. Tell him to go see your father at the shed.

I don't like this car too near
your father. He'll fiddle with it. What for, Mother?

Because your father's got my car
up there, and I want you to tell him to leave the gears where they are

cos he will keep shifting them about.

Where they used to be in gear,
I just get this grating noise.

I was going straight home.
Good lad, Barry. Go straight home...

but first of all, go to the shed
and see her father. Good boy.

Call at the shed, Barry,
THEN go straight home, love.

I never kissed him goodbye.
He's only going straight home.

He's calling at the shed first!
I can't think of the last time I kissed your father.

By the time I'd got the newspapers
down, the impulse had usually gone.

He just walked off?!

He's worried about global warming.
Barry says it's a hole in the ozone.

If you lived next door
to what I live next door to, you'd see more holes than in the ozone.

The council should condemn
trousers like that.

I think these microwaves
send things funny.

You use a microwave?

Well, you have to. You want to keep
abreast of modern catering.

I don't like standing in front of it.

Well,
I feel the same about his trousers.

How do you switch it on?
I always stand at the side and reach round.

That's wise. You never get too close
to anything potentially dangerous.

I can't get close enough
to my Barry!

Drink your coffee.

Mother! Once upon a time, you must
have been close to my father.

I was and it took me over a week
to get rid of the oil stains.

Hee-hee-hee! Here you go, Ace.
This completes the picture.

Howard, you look like a film star.

A really weird, ageing film star.

Oh, stop taking the wee-wee.

He looks, uh...

I've done me best.

But why me as well?

Because it'll look better if Mr
Cool here has two women in the car.

I'm going to be famous
for having really foul females.

It's no treat for us girls.

It suits you, Barry. Now we know
what to buy you for Christmas.

I hope I never meet anybody
whose mortgage application I've had to refuse.

And I thought when I grew up,
I'd be an engine driver.

Is there time to get them tattooed?

No. They'll pass from a distance.

Oh, tha were right to dump him,
love.

Such a playboy with the women.

Howard?! Mr Dynamite with the ladies.

But we always used to say
how unfair it were,

the way he twisted
an innocent little thing like thee around his finger.

Are we talking about the same
Howard? Thee tell me. Here he comes.

HORN PEEPS

The little swine! And to think
we once exchanged bicycle pumps and swore eternal fidelity.

I told thee. Where was he going
with those two hideous creatures?

Why don't we find out?
CAR APPROACHES

Follow that car!

Off you go, Wesley.

It looks like we'll have to go
that way, ladies.

What's wrong? I daren't go down.
He'll take us too close to home.

They'll all be inside
drinking coffee.

CAR BACKFIRES

BANG!
That sounds like my car.

It LOOKS like your car.

Howard!

Barry?!

Who were those hideous women
he was with?

She's not with me! She's with them!

Them?!

Those three in the back.
Come on, I'll show you.

They were in the back.
I promise you. They WERE in the back.

Wesley Pegden!

Wesley's touch on the clutch
has all the grace and delicacy of the former Mrs Truelove.

I think it's worked.
Marina's coming after me!

Why don't you buy her a present?
There isn't time. Where can I find anything here?

How about her favourite
Tom Cruise pictures?

That should do it, Howard. She'll
love you for ever. Wow! That's a lot of bicycle miles, Howard.

How much? Got to be worth ten quid.

TEN pounds?! I wouldn't want her
to find out she's not worth �10.

Howard.
Marina!

I've got something for you.

And I've got something for you,
you two-timing playboy!

That's it, then.
We've got them back together.

I think that calls for a drink.
Why not? Howard's buying.

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