Original subtitles

Certainly a beautiful spot, isn't it?

Yeah.

Minerva's Garden Nudist Colony.

You sure we got the right place?

That's the address the informant gave us.

It's certainly an interesting place for a robbery

suspect to hide out.

Well, let's check it out.

Locked.

I don't see any naked people.

Uh, Mac--

Come on, let's go.

FEMALE NUDIST: What are you men doing?

Wow.

This is private property.

If you don't leave immediately, I will call the police.

Uh, we are the police, ma'am.

I'm Detective Brooks, this is Detective McDonald.

Uh, we trailed a suspect here and we

need to take a look around.

A suspect, here?

I don't think so.

I think maybe you just want a free show.

No, no, ma'am.

This man is dangerous, ma'am, and he may be armed.

Now, for the safety of your-- your guests,

we would suggest that you--

Well, you'll have to take your clothes off first.

Those are the rules.

What?

Um, you take your clothes off. I'll wait outside.

Excuse me?

Why don't you take your clothes off, I'll wait outside?

I-- I can't.

What do you mean you can't?

Why can't you? DETECTIVE MCDONALD: My tan.

I haven't been working on my tan.

What, we're not worried about my tan?

All right, listen, I'll flip you for it.

Paper, scissors, rock, on three.

1-2-3.

All right, rock crushes paper. I win.

Uh-uh. That's not the way it goes.

Paper covers rock. - It does?

Yeah.

DETECTIVE MCDONALD: OK, yeah, we'll go again, on three.

1-2-3.

Paper covers rock.

I'll be outside.

DETECTIVE MCDONALD: Throw me your clothes, August.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Mac, he's out.

Over the fence, down there.

Quick, my clothes.

McDonald, my c-- Chase, my clothes.

McDonald, bring me my clothes back!

Mac!

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[HORN HONKING]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[HORN HONKING]

One William 7-8, a black and white on Mulholland Highway

right below the Hollywood sign.

Nice dress.

You mad at me?

Um, do you want a ride?

I don't take rides from strangers.

I'll walk.

I like the slippers, too.

[THEME MUSIC]

[CHUCKLES]

Ah, there you are, my beauty.

Hi.

The Gentleman Bandit, I presume?

Oh, dear me, the cops.

And I'd heard you were baffled.

Oh well, it was a merry chase, tough, wasn't it?

Shall we?

Come on, let's go.

Now, that guy had class.

Fat lot of good it's going to do him in jail.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

NEWSCASTER (ON TV): And this just

in, earlier this evening, LA detectives

captured the notorious Gentleman Bandit, and Richard Turpin.

Mr. Turpin is wanted in connection

with several jewelry heists, both here

and in the United Kingdom.

OPERATOR (ON TELEPHONE): Operator.

Ireland, please.

3-5-3-5-5-5-9-9-3-1.

RILEY (ON PHONE): Hello?

RILEY (ON PHONE): Riley?

It's Gaza in L.A. I found your friend.

RILEY (ON PHONE): Right.

Get the boys and the Ordinance together.

I'll take the next flight over.

BOXER: Hey August, how's it going?

Hey quick!

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Hey, watch yourself, watch yourself.

Take it easy.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: What's up, man?

Oh man, what the hell?

This car doesn't have any tickets.

[INAUDIBLE]

You think this is funny?

Dammit.

Look, lads, the sun.

And we thought it was just a myth.

[CHUCKLES]

Taxi.

But I don't have any tickets.

The DOT doesn't make mistakes, sir.

Well, you damn well made one today.

Listen, listen, let me speak with your supervisor.

Hold, please.

August.

Problem?

They booted my car, man.

Ooh, they only do that when you've been really bad.

(ANGRILY) Hey, I don't have any tickets, OK?

Uh, this is Mr. Anderson, uh, the assistant,

assistant supervisor.

Is there a problem?

Are you human?

Sir?

No, no, no, no, no, forget that.

That would be asking much too much.

OK, from the beginning.

See, my car was booted, but I don't--

McDonald, Brooks, into my office.

Captain, I just got this guy on the ph--

- Now. - I'll call you back.

DETECTIVE MCDONALD: DOT doesn't usually make mistakes.

Hey, hey.

British Embassy called last night

about our Gentleman Bandit.

Seems Her Majesty's government has

got a flag up for Richard Turpin,

they want him extradited.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Captain, he's our caller.

Yeah, Captain.

There are at least 30 grand theft cases out there

with his name on them.

We were going to be the DA's golden boys.

Yeah.

Sorry guys, treason takes precedence.

Turns out, he's connected to the IRA.

Gentleman Jim?

He doesn't seem the type.

Yeah, Scotland Yard's sending an inspector to collect him,

one Wilhemina Smythe.

Should be here any minute.

Let me guess, black hat, black trench coat, sensible shoes,

and rosy little cheeks.

POLICE CAPTAIN: Yeah, come in.

Sorry to interrupt.

I'm Wilhemina Smythe.

They told me I could go in.

I didn't realize you were interviewing suspects.

CAPTAIN JENSEN: [LAUGHS] It's all right, come on in.

I'm Captain Jensen, and these two

suspicious characters are detectives

MacDonald and Brooks.

Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry.

Please forgive me.

Um, in England, detectives look like, detectives?

It's all right.

Forget about it.

Yeah, that happens to him all the time.

She was talking about you.

She wasn't talking about me.

Yeah, Bagwell, get Turpin ready for transport.

Yeah.

He's on his way.

DETECTIVE MCDONALD: What exactly did this guy

do that you had to come halfway around the world to seat

our caller?

Really, you are messing up our RBI, you know.

Well, I'm sorry to put a dent in your brilliant careers,

gentlemen, but Mr. Turpin has a lot to answer for back home.

He was a thief for the IRA.

He stole British treasures and used

them to fund some of the IRA's most brutal attacks.

Oh, Willie, old girl.

And how is the Yard's most exquisite rose?

Mr. Turpin, as unrepentant as ever.

Hm.

I take it you two know each other.

RICHARD TURPIN: Oh, yes.

Willie chased me around the home counties for years,

didn't you, darling?

Always a step behind, though.

Mr. Turpin always sees this as a game.

It's his most disingenuous quality.

He's aware, however, of the Holocaust

that his fund raising has allowed.

I never stole for terrorists.

There was a radical faction of the IRA.

It diverted funds for their own purposes and oper--

Oh, you can split all the hairs you want.

Your thefts funded the deaths of your countrymen,

innocent women and children.

And why do you think I stole it all back?

Come on, Willie, why do you think I left England?

Fear of the noose.

You chased me out.

And if you'd ever shown one ounce of-- of compassion

and understanding, you'd been able to turn

the entire situation for--

I've listened to all this before.

People, people, people, can't we all just get along?

Um, we have one hour before our plane.

We'll have time for explanations when we get back home.

Shall we, gentlemen. - Yes.

Give me one more minute and you'll

have your necessary paperwork.

And they called Margaret Thatcher the Iron Lady.

Oakland's shipping the Loomis twins down for trial.

Pick them up at L.A.X.

Oh, Captain, do we have to?

Yes.

And while you're at it, you can escort

the inspector and her prisoner to the airport.

Thank you, Captain Jensen.

Have a nice trip.

And make sure Mr. Turpin gets on that plane.

That's it.

I think we can go.

Willie, is it true that the police

don't carry guns in London?

Yes, we're not permitted to.

We, we do have our truncheons.

Truncheons?

What are truncheons?

Um, billy clubs.

Oh, billy clubs.

Well, that must do a lot of good when you come up against a 45.

Let's do it.

OK, pick it up.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: So, Miss SMYTHE,

what were these national treasures that Turpin stole?

Well, the only ones as yet unrecovered

are the Swinford sapphires.

The Swinford sapphires.

Yes, uh, a silver neck chain of 12 matching

sapphires that were presented to Lord Swinford

by the first Queen Elizabeth for his sterling service

in the defeat of the Spanish Armada.

Oh, his sterling service in the royal bed.

Yes, Mr. Turpin, yes.

We're not ignoring you.

So, where are they?

Well, we'll find that out when we get back to England.

You're gonna ram 'em, right?

Go on, ram 'em!

[CRUNCHING METAL AND GLASS]

What the?

Charlie, keep driving!

[SCREECHING TIRES]

Pull over, cop.

Go on, Kelly.

Give him a good ram.

Go on, slam him!

[CRUNCHING METAL AND BREAKING GLASS]

I'm going to open them up like a tin of sardines.

For Ireland.

[GASPING]

Somebody's using military ordinance.

That's a lot of fire power, even for Los Angeles.

Is this an everyday occurrence?

Well, no ma'am.

Actually, we have the weekends off.

But I thought the stories of the Wild West

were an exaggeration.

Marcus, Charlie's down.

Mac, be careful!

I guess this is the scene with the runaway stagecoach.

Enough of your games.

Finish them off, lads.

Would this be a good time to panic?

August, I think we've got a problem.

Everybody hold on.

Aah!

There he is.

Hello, Turpin.

Go for a ride?

Thanks so much, Riley, but if it's all the same to you,

I'll stick with the one I'm on.

[INAUDIBLE],, you double-crosser.

Willie do tell the Yard I didn't go willingly.

You tell Scotland Yard we saved

them the cost of the hanging.

Move it, Kelly.

Next time they [INAUDIBLE] start.

Move!

You all right?

Yeah.

[COUGHING]

You OK?

Can you stand?

Damn.

Who the hell were those guys?

What the hell was that all about?

Charlie?

He's OK.

He's up top.

Well, we do have a few clues, detectives.

Clues?

We've got a truck with no plates, guys wearing masks.

We've got two names, Kelly and Riley.

Oh, great.

Two Irish names, big deal.

WILHEMINA SMYTHE: Kelly lives here, I think.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: How do you know that

Yeah, how do know that?

WILHEMINA SMYTHE: What do they teach

you at your police academies?

Stunt driving?

Witty repartee?

One, he has a tan.

Two, he was the driver, which would suggest that he's

familiar with the local area.

Three, he was wearing a Los Angeles t-shirt.

Now, any one of those clothes alone, but together.

How are those clues going to help us find these guys?

Oh, must I lead you by the hand, detectives?

We look for an Irishman named Kelly

who plays in a rugby league, has a Shamrock

tattoo between his thumb and forefinger,

who has strong IRA connections.

Rugby?

The shoes.

They were rugby shoes, with plenty of grass stains,

suggesting that he was an active player.

Oh, well, that's an unfair advantage.

See, you're British.

You know what rugby shoes look like.

Yeah.

They had rugby written right on the side.

Oh.

Observation, gentlemen.

It's the key to police work.

Oh gee, and here I thought it was superior firepower.

You would, wouldn't you?

Well anyway, the IRA is as interested in these sapphires

as Her Majesty's government.

And if we don't find Turpin soon,

they'll torture the location of him and kill him.

So, have we ordered another car, gentlemen?

We got a lot of ground to cover.

I'm going to go check on Charlie.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Right.

WILHEMINA SMYTHE: [COUGHING]

Here, sit.

Sorry mate, I can't help you.

Sorry mate, I can't help you.

Is that all these Irish guys can say?

DETECTIVE BROOKS: It's the tattoo, Mac.

Every time we mention the tattoo, they clam up.

They're really scared of this guy, whoever he is.

Very good, gentlemen.

You've actually managed to put two

and two together and come up with something

that looks like four.

Now, who's next?

Who's next?

What, are you kidding me?

We've been doing this all day.

Don't we get a break?

Need I remind you, detectives, that a man's life is at stake

and the clock is ticking.

Um, we've hit all the names that the guy

from the rugby league gave us, Miss Smythe.

Two of them weren't home.

Now, it's after 6:00.

Maybe they're back from work.

Back?

Back.

To investigate.

[SIGHS] Doesn't she ever get tired?

You know what they say, Mac, women are the stronger sex.

They really say that?

Yep, they say that.

Who's, they?

DETECTIVE BROOKS: I don't know who they are,

but I know that they say that.

DOT EMPLOYEE (ON TELEPHONE): Well Detective Brooks,

I've checked your record.

You don't have any tickets.

You can't have the boot.

But I do have the boot.

Are you sure it's your car?

Am sure it's my car?

Am I sure it's my car?

You-- you have made a mistake.

Say it, say it!

Say you've made a mistake.

We don't make mistakes, sir.

But I tell you what, we'll send someone out to check on

it first thing Monday morning.

That make you happy?

Monday?

Today is Thursday, you asinine little--

Well, we have a very limited staff here.

You listen to me, you pencil pushing

petty little bureaucrat.

If that boot is not off of my car by the time

I get home tonight, I am going to come down there, put a boot

on both of your feet, and tattoo do not move this imbecile

on your sweaty little butt!

Do I make myself clear?

I'll see what I can do.

You do that!

[APPLAUSE]

What happened?

Did one of you gun down a suspect?

Better.

A, uh, civil servant.

Ah, I see.

Well, are you ready to hit the road again, detectives?

Or are we too tired?

August, uh, are you up for a few pints at Ireland's 32?

Yes, yes.

As a matter of fact, I am.

Perhaps we shall run into Roger Kelly, IRA supporter

and now a suspect in the kidnapping of one

Mr. Richard Turpin.

Had a suspect drop into your laps, gentleman?

What was it, an anonymous tip-off?

DETECTIVE MCDONALD: When we were attacked yesterday,

Riley said, lay off the Donegan stout.

Remember?

Ah, I'm afraid I missed that.

Well apparently Donegan stout is

a beer imported from Ireland made

by a tiny brewery in Galway.

Yes.

We called that importer, and it turns out

that only four establishments in Los Angeles

serve that particular imbibement.

Yes.

So we made a few more phone calls and discovered

that one bar, specifically Ireland's 32,

sponsors a rugby team.

And one of its players, a Mr. Roger Kelly,

is a definite known IRA supporter

and has been a resident of Los Angeles for the past 10 years.

Impressive, detectives.

Have you been studying up on your investigation techniques?

No.

No.

Hm.

Well, what are we waiting for?

I thought we were brilliant.

Quite.

Yes!

WILHEMINA SMYTHE: Thank you.

Gee, August, I don't believe it.

What?

No "IRA headquarters, police keep out" sign.

No, but we do have dining and dancing.

DETECTIVE MCDONALD: Not to mention live music.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Boogie on.

You are having me on.

It's locked.

Let's check around back.

Uh, Miss Smythe.

Oh, hang out a minute.

It's unlocked.

One guy, armed.

They travel in groups. There's bound to be more.

Mac, where are you going?

Up top.

See if I can get a better look.

He's very resourceful, isn't he?

Mm, quite.

[GRUNTING]

Tell me, you treacherous bastard.

I don't suppose we could--

save this for later?

I'm supposed to be visiting a friend of mine in the hospital.

Scum!

Bollocks.

Thirsty work.

Not long now.

Now listen here, fella.

You can't be doing this in my pub.

Let that poor man go.

You want to free Ireland, don't you, old man?

Not like this I don't, you IRA gangster.

I'll have no part of this.

[BREAKING GLASS]

DETECTIVE BROOKS: What do you got, Mac.

OK, I counted six guys.

Turpin's in the back.

Some big guy with a rubber hose is working him over bad.

Could be Riley.

We'd better move fast.

Just call for backup and let's make a plan.

No, there's no time.

Turpin will be a goner by then.

We'll all be goners if we don't, Mr. McDonald.

There are six of them, maybe more, and only three of us.

You may have counted on luck in your past,

but I have not reached the ripe old age of [CLEARS THROAT]

by counting on luck.

[TURPIN SCREAMS]

OK, that's it for me.

Time's up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you going to do here, pal?

If Turpin tells them what they want to hear, he's dead.

All right, you got a plan or what?

Yeah.

There's another entrance through the kitchen.

Minimal resistance. We'll go through there.

Mr. McDonald.

Here.

Just call for backup.

He does this a lot.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: I thought you said there

was someone here with him.

DETECTIVE MCDONALD: I thought there was.

Turpin.

Gentlemen.

How good of you to drop in.

I fear our host may still be in the vicinity.

Die you son--

Move, move move!

What was that?

Downstairs.

Well, this is good.

This is very good.

This is excellent, Mac.

So, what's the second part of your plan, huh?

Well, right now I'm open for suggestions.

Oh.

This is What you Americans call a plan?

Well, it started out as a plan, kind of.

Oh, lovely.

Oh, goodness.

Excuse me.

Catch!

[MEN GROANING]

Mac I think that's our cue.

Turpin, can you run?

You just watch me.

I'll cover you.

Go, now!

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Move, move, move!

Come on, come on, come on!

After them!

[GRUNTING]

Shit.

Hey, August.

Yeah.

I'm down to my last clip.

How you doing?

Ditto.

You know this kind of reminds me of the end of that movie.

What movie?

You remember, "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Didn't Butch and Sundance die at the end of that movie?

Sorry about this, Turpin.

Out of the frying pan, in to the fire, huh?

Well, here's to the fire.

May it purify us of our sins.

[GROANING]

IRA LEADER: Kelly, are you all right?

KELLY: I'm fine.

This is the police.

We have the place surrounded.

Come out with your hands up.

We have what we need, lads.

Let's go.

All right?

DETECTIVE BROOKS: We've got to guy downstairs in the cellar,

deceased.

We've got another one cuffed in the kitchen.

OK.

Willie, I've got to hand it to you, very resourceful.

Quite resourceful.

Nothing out of the line of duty, gentlemen.

Oh, Willie dearest, I'm afraid I broke.

I told Riley where I hid the sapphires.

He mustn't be allowed to find them.

Oh, a call to Scotland Yard will soon pick them up.

No, no, you don't understand.

They're here, in town.

And Riley is on his way to get them now.

Oh dear.

Where?

Fuller Park.

But I buried them.

You'd never find them in time.

Please, they're probably halfway there already.

Hospital?

No.

No, I'm the only one that can lead you to the jewels.

We have to hurry.

I like this guy.

He's got guts.

Yeah, let's just hope he doesn't spill

them all over the upholstery.

WILHEMINA SMYTHE: No need to break

any traffic laws, gentlemen.

While you two were engaged in your cowboy antics, I--

I, uh, fixed Mr. Riley's getaway car for him.

Damn.

- Sorry, I don't what happened. - Get us another.

WILHEMINA SMYTHE: Turpin, you could have handed them in,

you know?

RICHARD TURPIN: Just because I turned my back on IRA

doesn't mean I changed my mind about England.

A plague on both our houses just about sums up my feelings.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: So why are you turning them in now?

RICHARD TURPIN: Well, they are trying to kill me, after all.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Ah.

What is this place, anyway?

Errol Flynn's old estate.

My hero, if you couldn't guess.

Once a playground of Hollywood royalty, now a dog park.

Fitting, I suppose.

Errol was a bit of a dog himself, wasn't he?

Have a go at that.

I'm pooped.

Anyone ever tell you you're kind

of a strange character, Turpin?

Is it strange to be a romantic these days?

What a pity.

Here you go, Willie.

Thank You Golly, five million pounds' worth.

Well, gentlemen, let's hurry.

We can't have much time.

Go, go

Move it, move it!

[GRUNTING]

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Go, go, go, go!

Wow.

Come on, Willie.

Let's go, go, go.

[INAUDIBLE]

[GROANING]

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Duck!

How many did you count?

Three.

We put two down, one left.

Jewels.

I forgot the jewels.

Willie!

Willie!

[INAUDIBLE] [INAUDIBLE] Scotland Yard cow dies.

Right, now the jewels.

Where are they?

Who's got them?

I've got them.

Well, would you bring them here, please?

- What are you doing? - That's it.

Easy, easy.

You bloody traitor.

They're just in my pocket.

[GRUNTING]

Are you all right, old girl?

[LAUGHING]

DETECTIVE MCDONALD: So Willie, did we change your mind

about our methods in L.A.?

Well, desperate situations call for desperate measures.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: And even though we're

two days late and five million Pounds poorer,

we finally made it.

RICHARD TURPIN: 5.2 million, to be precise.

Thank you so much for reminding me.

Well gentlemen, it was interesting working with you.

I certainly will have much to tell my colleagues

at the yard about your methods.

Well, it was interesting working with you as well,

Willie.

And I have to admit that, uh, we did learn a few things.

Yes, we certainly did.

You have to put up with this every day?

Yes ma'am, I'm afraid I do.

You are a brave, brave soul.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Turpin, old boy,

we want you to stay out of trouble, you year?

Yeah, we don't want to have to come over there

and bust you again.

Oh, god, no.

Gentlemen, I can think of no one

by whom I would rather be busted.

Willie, please.

Allow me.

Cheerio.

Toodle-oo.

A gentleman right to be very end.

I wonder if those jewels will ever show up.

Ah, who knows.

Maybe they will, maybe they won't.

So, what do you say, old chap.

Shall we go blow something up?

Oh, let's.

Yes, let's do.

Ramirez, I need you to take a boot off a car.

Yeah, but wait.

This guy did not respect the Department of Transportation,

understand?

Good.

See what you can do.

His name is Brooks, August Brooks.

DETECTIVE BROOKS: Ah, yes, yes yes, freedom, freedom.

Hey, thanks a lot, Bob.

I owe you one.

BOB: Later, August.

Oh, yeah.

You people have no idea who you're messing with.

I'm not gonna pay these.

I'm not gonna pay these.

I'm not paying these.

Jerks.

[THEME MUSIC]

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