Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

If you open the door that separates us

from our creator.

A false god in the sky.

But you need no doors to find God.

If you believe my dear, Elizabetta, you're not of sane mind.

Can you look around this world and believe in the goodness

of a God,

when all he shows us is pain.

Famine, pestilence, greed, war, disease, and death.

They only rule this world.

There's also love and life and hope.

Very little hope, I assure you.

Now, if a God of love and life ever did co-exist

with his fellow man,

he is long since dead.

Someone, some beast, rules in this place.

A false prophet in the sky.

This is Chilly Billy.

It's station 66.6 FM.

Ghouls, werewolves, vampires, ghosties with the mosties.

It's Halloween, or as we like to call it,

Hell Hollows Eve.

Up next for the ghoulies and ghosties and hosties

with the mosties we've got all your favorites

that go bump in the night.

We've got a few new stories and we'll be taking

requests from some loyal listeners.

So buckle up because unlike some we'll be right back.

Fuck! Fuck!

Hey guys.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

You guys ready for tonight?

Heck yeah.

I spent all of my babysitting money on this costume.

This is going to be awesome.

You need any help?

What do you think you're doing?

Nothing.

Remember what happened last year?

We can't go through that again.

Does anybody remember where I put my helmet?

I'm almost finished.

We gotta be on the lookout for bullies too.

Speak of the devil.

Hey kid, get off our turf.

Leave my tree house alone, jerk.

Hey, I just made those.

Your club's stupid.

I'm telling your mom.

Hey guys, guess what I got?

- All right. - Nice.

Uh-oh.

I gotta go.

Go?

Why? It's not even late yet.

10 missed calls from my stepdad is why.

Not tonight, it's Halloween.

Let me go home and check in.

Maybe that'll calm him down

and I can catch up with you guys.

You want us to walk with you?

We can wait outside your door.

No, it'll be okay.

Go have fun and save some candy for me.

Be safe.

- Group hug. - Group hug.

Hey, call us if you need us.

- Trick or treat? - Trick or treat?

- Trick or treat? - Trick or treat?

Trick or treat?

Trick or treat?

Stupid tree house club.

This house is cheap.

Ugh, can't eat those.

Can't eat that.

Are you kidding?

This sucks.

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

Kyra, get in the truck.

You're grounded.

For what?

Sneaking off and causing more destruction I gotta pay for.

You and that God-damn tree house.

I swear it, I'll burn it down

if you ever go there again.

But everyone is out tonight.

We were just going to get some candy.

I'll take this too.

No sense in paying for something you won't answer.

What a no-good, sorry excuse for a holiday.

Your room.

Now!

This is so unfair.

What'd you say girl?

Please just let me go out tonight.

It was her favorite night of the year.

Not any more.

Right, hit him in the head.

Right between the eyes.

Trick or treat?

You did it again, didn't you?

What kind of twisted demons did you create this time?

Dad, please.

Dad, no, please.

After all I've done for you, girl.

Good thing your mother isn't here to see what you've become.

Dad, please, no.

No!

Your soul is mine forever.

We're back in five, four, three.

Woo, kiddies, we are just getting started.

But it's not always the young ones that are being naughty,

is it Paul?

Nope.

We got some grownups that ain't never learned.

Until they did.

Tasty treat coming right up.

Trick or treat?

Well, now who are you?

I'm Little Red Riding Hood.

Oh, adorable.

Well here, here's some candy.

There you go.

Wait a minute.

Would you or your mother want a cupcake?

Are they gluten-free or vegan?

Well of course they are.

Of course. Wait, hold on.

Here you go.

I'm good but sure my mom will love one.

They are very sweet and yummy.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

You are so polite.

You're kind of old to be trick or treating, aren't you?

It's not burned.

What the fuck did you do to me?

Say hello to death you motherfucker.

Die!

What a nasty way to go, Paul.

Locals say that Grimsley was never heard from again.

Some say that he moved away, but we know better.

What a reminder, however, to check those chocolates

because you never know what tricks are in your treats.

And how do you not check the chocolates

in the first place, man?

I don't know, shitty parenting?

Super shitty.

- Paul? - Yeah.

Do you like clowns?

Dude, I fucking hate clowns.

Yo, trolls?

Man, you still got any fuel left for this party?

I got it.

Can I cash value?

Sure, bro.

You're a good dude, man.

Don't eat that. Don't.

- Okay, I won't. - Good evening, ladies.

No, don't eat that. Don't.

I'm gonna need some of that.

You know this is a costume party, right?

Yeah.

So what are you supposed to be?

She's a cop, right?

Don't you cops need bad guys to chase?

Oh that was funny.

I thought it was funny. I'm sorry.

You're drunk.

Fascinating, huh?

What?

I got a cure for that ailment.

I'm not sure if I follow.

However I'm probably not interested.

Well, if you change your mind I've got a love letter

with your name on it.

Take two, call me in the morning.

First one's on me.

Have fun.

Will do.

Trick or treat?

Oh, hey baby, you ever play red light, green light?

I can go green all night long.

Hey man.

How's the party going, man?

I gotta drop this off.

I gotta dip.

Go.

Thanks, man. Thanks

I need a little something to take the edge off.

You know what I mean?

Look, man, I'm cool with a lot of shit

but I don't need any details.

And you didn't get that from me.

Get the fuck out of here.

Watch it and keep your hands to yourself.

That's right, I ran into you two.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Want me to make it up to you?

I've got the really good candy.

If y'all want one on the house?

I understand if it's not your thing.

This is pure shit and really expensive,

mostly for celebrities at festivals and whatnot.

Bottoms up.

Thanks, loser.

Later, skanks.

- Sup? - Sup?

- Hey. - Hey.

You're listening to Chilly Billy

on Psychotronic FM.

666 FM.

Ghouls, werewolves, vampires,

ghosties with the mosties.

It's Halloween, or as we like to call it, Hell Hallows Eve.

Can you dig it?

Yo, yo, yo, yo.

- Oh, hey bro. - What's good, baby?

You got the blue candy?

Ah, you want some of that trippy dippy?

- That's right. - I got that for you.

Have fun.

Fun night?

I'd ask you the same thing

if I didn't already know the answer.

See, honey, that is why you are not my boyfriend.

You're welcome.

All right, this place is a real fucking shit hole.

You look like shit.

What the fuck?

What the fuck, man? You took a picture of me?

Did you take a picture of me?

Are you all right?

Fuck. What the fuck?

What do you want?

What do you want?

A smoke?

I got a nice car.

Fuck.

This isn't happening. This isn't happening.

Here, take my money.

Here, have my money, man.

Fuck.

Fucking leave me alone you freak.

Fuck.

Fuck.

What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

I want you to call in with your scariest ideas,

your deepest fears, your spookiest nightmares,

so I can twist the knife in to your stories.

Can you dig it?

Abs!

Abs, you're not leaving are you?

Are you leaving?

No, don't leave.

Party's just starting.

Clearly.

I gotta work.

I'm sorry Matt didn't show up again.

Yeah, it's cool.

He's a dick, so.

Hey, don't be like that.

There are loads of other dudes here to hook up with.

Fuck that guy.

Well, that's not gonna happen.

But I gotta take off.

You be safe.

Oh, no, you be safe.

Fuck it.

Well, if I'm gonna be stuck here all night

I shouldn't waste it.

Boring Abbie.

Never have any fun.

Predictable Abbie.

This is why no guys like you.

Creepy.

Creepy Abbie.

Your only friends are dead.

Whoa.

Not tonight big guy.

Maybe some other time.

Who did he think he was selling to?

Hm, coconut.

Weird choice.

Impressive.

Very impressive.

Good for you.

You know it's not often a man keeps me up all night.

You...

You probably wouldn't be the type of guy to Swayze a girl,

would you?

Probably be early.

Is it getting hot in here?

Oh, this old thing?

I was just doing the dishes.

Do you like it?

It'll be our little secret.

No need to be shy.

Let me just.

Get that out of the way.

That a boy.

That's it.

That's muscular.

So much more muscular than him.

You feel so alive.

Pardon me.

So warm.

So much better than him.

Just start here and I'll take care of you.

And you'll take care of me, won't you?

What? Don't you want to play?

Let me just adjust.

Just adjust it.

There you go.

We need two hands.

Let's get this one released here.

So firm.

I'll get that.

No! No!

No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

No!

Oh, man.

What a dick.

Oh.

Welcome back kids to the Psychotronic FM Halloween show.

We continue down this dark and dusty road on the night

when the space between the living and the dead

is at its thinnest.

When devils and demons walk amongst us.

When the skeletons in our closet come out to play.

But before we do any of that, we've got to pay these bills.

We got to keep the lights on.

Especially when the things that go bump in the night

await us around every corner.

Hello?

Hey what's Billy's biggest fear?

Yeah, I'll ask him.

Cool, happy Halloween.

Hey, Bill, we've got a caller on the line

that wants to know what your biggest fear is.

My biggest fear?

Mm-hmm.

The dark.

Good evening, Count Dracula.

Hello?

Let me ask you something, what are you wearing?

What?

Answer the question, Daryl.

I don't see what that has to do with anything.

Fucking Dracula. Am I right?

Not exactly.

You generic-ass walking copyright violation.

Every fucking year, Daryl.

Okay, you know what?

You wear the same costume every year, right?

Hey, hey, I do that for you and Lenny, dude.

As a favor.

Thank you so much, sweetheart.

Put you in coffin right now.

Okay, you know what?

First of all, it's tradition.

So...

You know why I'm calling you?

If you're calling about the rabbits, I told you

that I will have them.

Lenny loves his rabbits.

So now you're gonna tell me what Lenny likes.

Just a reminder, that's all.

I will have them.

Along with the?

The pumpkins.

Atta boy.

Okay, I hate to cut this short, Vin,

but it's getting late.

Sun's going down.

And you know what that means.

A vampire's gotta eat.

Yeah, he does.

Gay.

Jerk off.

You're so pretty.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Look, you're not playing along.

Because we're not 17 anymore, Chuck.

We used to have fun.

Come on, just a little?

No, you had fun while I had to convince

the whole senior year that you didn't fucking bone me

in a closet.

Well, that offer still stands.

No, that's gonna be a strong no for me.

I'm only doing this because Cat, you know Cat?

She won't leave me alone.

Well that's a real confidence booster, Marie.

You know chicks actually really dig me.

You know that?

I'm a nice guy.

Let me stop you right there.

You know, we used to be friends

before you turned into a total fucking jerk

who I only tolerate at parties.

Works for me.

Time's up love birds.

Leave some closet for the rest of us.

As an officer of the law it was your job to frisk him.

Please don't make me do anything else like that.

I mean, can we do something better?

Thank you for such another fun party.

Thank you for coming.

- See you at work. - All right, be safe.

Bye.

- Hi. - Hey.

- Hiya. - Marie?

You're my fourth pickup from here.

Is it a busy party?

I mean, I guess.

I only called you because some asshole blocked my car.

Oh, just a few spares in the back, you know?

Never to careful.

Is that the right address?

Yeah.

Good God.

What are you doing?

Are you okay?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Are you okay?

I told him this isn't my house.

Are you gonna arrest me?

What's your address? I'll call you...

Stay here.

Whatever,

you're the cop.

Jimmy?

Jimmy are you home?

You left the door...

Way more remotes than they have TVs.

No, it's just games in here.

There's no safe.

Hey Chuck, please help, man.

Chuck, check this out.

I'm the queen of England.

Dude, let's go man.

It's not worth it.

One last check and I'm done.

Yeah, man. Fucking shit.

Is that the cops?

She only wishes she was a cop.

Ain't that right, Marie?

You son of a bitch.

Oh, I'm gonna get you.

Alex, dial 911.

Dialing 911.

Where the fuck are you going?

Connection failed.

Time to go, man.

Nah, I wanna have a little fun first.

You're on your own.

Why do you always complicate things?

Huh?

You've been a stuck up bitch to me

ever since the sixth grade.

Ever since your parents died you turned me away.

Look at me.

Open your mouth.

Son of a...

Fuck you, Chuck.

Get the fuck out of my house.

Marie?

This is your last chance, Marie.

That was a sweet kick to the face.

Marie?

And he screamed out,

"Run, bitch. Run."

So she ran.

Fuck.

Marie?

Here's to another spooky year.

Night ain't over yet though.

Make sure you eat before midnight.

Remember what happened last time.

Okay, Boomer.

That's right folks, the wonderful people at Free Ride

wanna make sure you make it back in one piece tonight

with their discount code bloody one.

- Trick or treat? - Trick or treat?

- Happy Halloween. - Trick or treat?

Late snacker?

Gigi's Pizzas offer two large pies for 16.66 tonight only.

Last call, 11.30, kids.

Only on Psychotronic FM.

Do you know any good parties tonight?

Sorry, what's tonight?

Halloween.

It's like my favorite night of the year.

Wow, Halloween.

Well sorry to break it to you, bud,

but nobody gives a shit about Halloween.

All right?

It's just a bunch of pre-pubescent little shits

and creepy weirdos who like feeding other people's children.

Besides, who are you supposed to be?

You look like my great-grandfather.

Hey, there's no smoking in here.

Whatever, dude.

I'll give you five stars, all right?

That's not how this ride works, okay?

- Ride's over. - Dude?

- Get out. - I don't know where...

- Are you fucking serious? - Yeah, I'm fucking serious.

Another rider will be out here to pick you up later.

One star.

Piece of shit.

- Happy Halloween, bitch. - Fuck you.

Target acquired.

So I've been making like

a lot of money with this outfit tonight.

Like a super bunny.

Like I've been fucking so many guys at the same time.

And like I make money so quick.

- Rabbiting hard? - Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Lucky you, if I have to fuck one more clown

I swear I'm gonna lose it.

Mm, yeah.

It's just really exhausting, you know?

Totally, totally. And getting that...

Everywhere.

It's really hard to wash out.

Yeah, they're kind of creepy.

Yeah.

I don't like when they're about to climax

and then they hit me with the flowers.

Wait, what?

Yeah!

Where does it come from?

Their dick?

Everywhere.

And it's just like, it's just all over me.

And it's like, it's Tuesday, you know?

I'm not, I'm not trying to have that.

I'm just trying to have like just a simple,

like simple fuck, simple blow and just call it a day.

- Yeah exactly. - Yeah, totally.

I don't need a skit.

I'm not, this isn't a show.

A full-blown role play situation.

You should charge more for that.

I should.

Look.

Look at that clown car.

I have time but do I have room?

I'm game.

Not it.

Fuck me.

- I already did the other weirdo. - No, no, that doesn't count.

Like fuck me.

Like, that means you wanna fuck 'em.

So I'm out.

You're in.

Hey, ladies.

Fuck you.

Shall we?

Let's go see what this motherfucker's doing.

Damn, did somebody order some Count Chalkula?

Definitely not.

You know I can't eat fucking cereal.

And now I'm hungry.

Ah, fuck me.

- What? - I think he's my ride.

Bye.

- Happy Halloween. - Happy Halloween.

You gone die, bitch.

Bye.

You know, I can role the windows up

or even down if you want?

Save it, you're not getting any freebies from me.

I'm just making conversation.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Shit.

Okay Bran Stroker, what's on your mind?

Actually Bram Stoker was the author.

He wasn't the vampire.

Sure he was and then he gets killed off in the end

by Eddie van Halen or some shit.

So you're going home for the evening?

What do you mean?

From my job as a prostitute?

Not really making any assumptions about your vocation.

I'm going to see my pimp.

He needs me for something.

I think he wants to take me to a party.

Your pimp?

I always wanted to meet a pimp.

Oh honey, he'd love your ass.

This is you.

You really wanna meet my pimp?

Yeah.

And you're not some sort of spy or that shit?

It'd make me way cooler if I was?

Okay, fuck it.

Although he might fuck you up a bit.

He's kind of hard to read.

Take that hit. Hit.

Hey, Daddy.

Who the fuck is this?

He's my ride.

Well what the fuck does he want?

I think he wants to suck your blood.

Nah, I think he wants to suck my dick.

Well, what is it?

His blood or his dick?

Time to go fruitcake.

Did I miss something?

Shit.

Oh, seriously?

- Why didn't you hit her? - She's a woman.

- What are you sexist? - What?

Equal opportunity.

See, why can't you do that?

She was really big.

You fought the Taliban.

You always do this, Daryl.

You get in trouble and you call me to bail you out.

See, there's no I in team,

- Daryl. - You had a gun?

Yeah, why?

You should have used it from the start.

I don't like guns, you know that.

That's why I only carry one around.

So what do you wanna do with her?

I got her.

So who's dick was I supposed to be sucking?

Who are you, mister?

I'm fucking Dracula.

Jesus Christ, you smell like wolf pussy.

Next year I'm going as Hercules, no more masks.

Where's your other glove?

Got stuck in your mom's pubes.

Smell my finger.

Sorry I'm late.

As excuses go, that one's pretty good.

Boom.

Another year.

Dude, you make six figures a year.

Why are you still buying the same fucking beer

we had when we were in high school?

What's wrong with you?

Works for me.

Where's Lenny?

Lenny wasn't looking so hot so I told him to take a nap

and I gave him a Valium.

You roofied Lenny?

So I was watching the news yesterday

and it had this full report on Chango Chicken.

Wait, don't change the subject.

You roofied Lenny.

You ever eaten there?

Yeah, the fast food chicken chain.

What about it?

Yeah, so this report was saying they tested

eight separate locations over 100 times

in the course of a month and they found fecal matter

in the ice more than 95% of the time.

Fecal matter. That's shit.

Human shit.

- Yeah, we know what that means. - Unbelievable.

- Right? - How is that even possible?

Like mechanically?

Is that not the most fucked up thing you've ever heard?

I mean, you did just roofie Lenny.

Hey, speaking of which, wanna go see if it's game time?

Yeah.

Again, I feel like I can't stress this enough,

you roofied Lenny.

- He'll be fine. - Wakey wakey.

I don't think he'll be fine.

There we go.

- There we go. - God damn it.

Why do you put that shit all over him?

You know he's just gonna tear it off.

He looks awesome.

He does not look awesome.

- All right, it's feeding time. - Sorry dude.

I don't feel so hot.

Yeah, 'cause he fucking drugged you.

Okay.

Okay Scottie, give him some distance.

All right, come on.

Yeah, a lot of distance.

Don't forget what happened in 2014.

I fucked up that cape.

Yeah.

Cheers.

Have I mentioned I love this part

because I fucking love this part.

Morning!

Ahh!

This never gets old.

I can't hear you all when you're talking

all at the same time.

Some of you might be wondering why you're here right now

and not at home safely tucked away in your nightcaps.

Well, I'm gonna need you to think long

and hard about your recent actions.

Some of you might think this is a little bit extreme

but to be honest we don't give a shit

what you fucking people think.

Here's why.

You don't seem to understand

because none of you give a shit

how your actions affect other people.

And I for one,

did not go overseas and risk my fucking life

to come back here and watch you fucking dipshits

rip my country apart.

Yeah we didn't watch our friend get all fucked up

for you fucks.

Fucking medical testing bullshit.

Also that.

So now each and every one of you

have a shot at redemption.

Redemption, yay!

Is his dick out?

Why is his dick out?

There you go.

Kobe!

Now,

I don't want any of you to say that I'm not fair.

I want to give you all a very fair chance.

So in the spirit of fairness we're gonna let you guys go.

Y'all feel like running?

Your best bet is to head for the tree line.

We won't chase you there.

And I mean this in all sincerity, good luck rabbits.

That means fucking run!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I didn't even fucking do anything.

Help!

No, no.

You don't know how to follow instructions.

I love Halloween, I swear.

I swear.

What the fuck is going on?

I can't hear and I can't see anything.

What the fuck is that?

10 points.

Who the fuck are you people?

Ooh, 10 points baby.

What the fuck?

What is that?

anybody?

Fuck!

Did you see that?

Oh shit!

Help!

Did you imagine that?

Lenny, Lenny, Lenny.

Help!

Fuck, no.

Help! Help!

Shit.

What the fuck?

No, no, no, no, no.

Ooh, that was gross.

Hey, Lenny.

We got some beers over here whenever you're done.

Take your time, it's fine.

We got a lot of time.

So maybe fantasy football then?

Switch it up.

What the fuck, Scottie?

Paul, what the hell, man?

- What happened? - I don't know.

Do you think it's kids fucking around

or did you forget to pay the power bill?

- Ow. - Fuck off.

Okay.

Wow.

Well, we apparently have ghosts here at Psychotronic FM

and Chilly Billy has stepped out with the sage

to cleanse the studio.

But in the meantime, we're gonna be accepting calls

for one final story request of the night.

Yeah, hang on a second.

Bill, I've got some callers on the line.

What are you thinking about?

Do you got a story in mind?

Anything I can help you out about

with like witches or zombies?

What flavor you want?

Give me anything. I can spin the best of them.

Okay.

Yes.

Uh, let me ask him.

Hey, Bill, we've got a caller on the line

saying she's been a fan of yours for quite a while.

Want to take this one?

All right.

You've got Chilly Billy on the line, sweetheart.

Oh my God, Chilly Billy.

Yes.

Can you tell us the one about the house on the hill?

None of my friends believe me when I tell them

that ghost hunters came to town.

But of course darlin'.

You sound pretty young so you must've been a kid

when those guys came to town.

It started out on a cold and lonely night.

Kind of like tonight.

GPS looks like we should be coming up on the house

in a few minutes.

Super creepy.

How do you even see out here?

This fog is so intense.

Watch out for that down tree, Curtis.

Wow.

I'm not paying you to damage the equipment.

Hang tight.

I'll see what I can do.

I'll help you.

I'm not so sure how we're gonna get out of this one,

it looks quite stuck.

All right team, Simon, Judy and myself, we'll head up

to the house, start getting things sorted.

Curtis, Vanessa, you two stay back,

see if you can get the van up the rest of the way.

Agreed? Let's go.

See you guys.

Flash the headlights when we arrive

and I'll signal with my flashlight.

- All right? - All right.

So how do you suppose we get out of this one?

I don't know.

I just know that it's not gonna be me digging it out.

Right.

My mom's the host of the show,

I don't have to do any real work.

Fine, let's go find some stupid stick.

Not funny, Curtis.

Cut it out.

Oh, come on now, it's Halloween.

Well as you can see, despite the fire damage,

the building repairs look intact.

Let's go inside and see what we can find.

So what made you want to travel

around the country chasing ghosts?

Did you do any research before joining this team

or are you just in it for the paycheck?

Huh.

Why would I want to be in these spooky ass woods

without something in it for me?

I don't know.

Okay, so what is it then?

I mean you do realize that none of this is real, right?

Like it's just about finding the truth and then showing it.

See now that's what you think.

Y'all should be wise with the spirits.

Respect them so they respect you, look after you.

Eurgh.

Okay, now you just sound like my mom.

Judy, you okay?

We kind of lost you there for a second.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

I don't know what just happened there.

I must be tired or, I don't know, dehydrated or something.

- Judy - Let's do this.

it looked like you were kind of in pain

there for a moment.

Listen, if you need to take a break, if you want to stop-

No, no, no, I'm good. I'm good.

Let's just, let's move on.

I'm okay.

30 years ago it was said that a terrible tragedy

happened in this very room.

A young deranged boy locked himself in the house

and set fire to it.

Sorry, Judy. One sec.

Damn battery keeps dying.

Hello?

Hey. Hey, can you hear me?

At this rate we're gonna have to go back for more.

We're ready. All right, Judy.

Curtis, this is pointless.

Okay?

We should just go back and ask for help.

Did you hear that?

There is nothing out here that's gonna help us.

All right?

Like I said,

you just have to have faith.

Judy?

Judy?

Judy?

Judy?

Right, maybe we should call it.

No, Tim.

No.

No way.

This house is trying to tell us something.

Anyway, our research has indicated

that a group of young boys were with young Jacob

when he locked himself inside to vandalize the contents

of this house.

The boys claimed

Jacob threatened violence against them,

so they ran.

Oh, see that's why you can't come trick or treating

with us tonight.

You're just a little baby.

Mommy's boy.

Wa.

That was good. That was good.

You go into the basement,

you grab one of those old comic books they left behind,

you can come out with us tonight.

Our research shows us that the fire originated

in the...

In the basement.

Though Judy protested her instincts

her curiosity got the better of her.

Judy knew Simon and Tim wouldn't want to go in the basement

but she had to follow her ghostly friend.

Tim, we're gonna need more light down here.

Clearly.

As Tim helped Judy to her feet.

They slowly...

Fuck sake, Paul.

Help me fix whatever's going on.

Paul!

Fuck.

Damn it.

Jesus.

Sorry, Bill.

Well obviously we have a power issue, so...

Do you want to just call it a night?

This is our night.

I've got a new version of the story, just get it on.

What the fuck's gotten in to you?

It's the fucking power, man.

It should be back up in about a minute.

Hey, Bill, can I see that?

Thanks.

- Hello? - Do you know how

difficult it is for me to sit here

- and listen to - You got the wrong number

the story inaccurately be represented.

Okay, well we already told that story tonight.

So tune in next year, all right?

You can not imagine the pain

- that this has caused my family. - Happy halloween to you

too, darling. Okay?

This is wron-

Jesus.

Right, where were we?

Judy kept creeping down those basement steps

not knowing what she was about to find.

Jacob?

Make a sign.

Oh, Jesus. What was that?

We're not here to hurt you.

Show yourself. We mean you no harm.

Show yourself again.

We mean you no harm.

Jacob?

Oh, God.

Jacob?

It's on fire.

The house is on fire.

Little baby scared of the dark.

Let me out.

I set the room on fire.

Let me-

Show yourself.

I said show yourself you little fucking snitch.

Judy knew the boy had locked himself inside,

despite the reports of the boys attempts to get him out.

Hello persistent caller, how can I help you?

Finally, your story is wrong.

Wrong?

How can it be wrong? It's my buddy's story.

No, it's inaccurate.

How could you possibly know this one?

I've got a firsthand source for this.

Not as close as I do.

What's your name, lady?

Do you smell smoke?

Do you think it's the van?

No.

It smells like a forest fire.

You think you're gonna blackmail me, huh?

You ain't blackmailing me.

I hear you.

I hear you you fucking punk.

Where you gonna run now, huh?

I got you, punk.

How can you sit there and listen to the story

of my family and have their name dragged through the mud?

Curtis, this thing says that the house is on fire.

We gotta get them out of there.

No, Jacob.

No, Jacob.

Let us out of here.

Come on, let's go.

I'm out of here.

Pull!

Pull! Pull the door!

Unlock the door.

It's stuck.

It won't move.

Pull.

No.

No, I can. No, I can save him.

No, no.

No.

No, I can save him.

No, no, I can save him.

I can save him.

What's happening to her?

What happened in there?

My mother's last words were about her and the boy.

And it's taken me years to track down the one

who's responsible for this tragedy.

Your firsthand source is a lot more than a misled story.

He's the one who caused all of it.

And who will pay for it.

Mark my words.

Paul?

Paul!

Help.

Help. Help.

Paul?

Paul?

No!

There's a small bit of justice in this world

for those who have been wronged.

You know you get really sleepy after you eat white people.

Oh.

For some we create our own justice

and revel in the insanity.

That hits the spot, right?

So how many I get?

All of 'em.

Wait, hold on.

You got a little bit of the pimp right here.

There you go, got him.

Yeah, it had glitter in it.

Most have a worse time figuring it all out.

While the tragic few rely on others to stay sane,

or clean up our messes.

It can cross years before we feel any retribution

or that the people who have wronged us find their ends.

But one thing is for sure, we're not alone.

Do you see that?

What in the fuck?

Holy shit.

I knew it was Halloween.

But white people gotta get it together.

Do you guys wanna go to Waffle House?

- Yeah. - I know you don't.

I'll start.

This could be it. Go on, open up.

Come on, come on, come on.

I can't fit.

Come on, get in.

Come on, come on, come on. Go.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on. Jesus Christ.

Hello? Is anyone there?

Shit. Fuck this.

You wanna watch a movie?

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Let's go snuggle.

Yeah.

Like that.

- What's wrong with yours? - It's a dude

- and that's his nose. - What's wrong with your prostat?

What the hell is that?

- Look, mine's at least a dick. - Keep on trucking, baby.

Mine is at least a dick.

Shit job for my tit job.

I like that.

So when are you gonna do it?

The tits or the shit?

You did the shit already

so when are you gonna do the tits?

I think I'll need to do like 10 more shit jobs

and then we're even.

Oh, okay.

I kinda want them like boulder size.

Ah, yeah.

I mean like mechanically how is that even po-

How flexible does your ass have to be

to shit in an ice machine?

I think you just put your ass in it.

Have you seen my ass? Get in the pumpkin.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull